Hello everyone, welcome to the Lesbian Supper Club podcast.
I'm Freya. I feel like I've never said that
before. Do you know what I hate most
about doing this podcast is having about that but like
specifically you introing it every week gives me the air can
I don't. Know why Intro Every week I I
edit the pod. I know I intro most weeks
because you usually intro and then it's so bad because you
make it awkward and weird that I then.
Intro You close Welcome to the lesbian summer.
Club just, I don't know what it is about the way that you do it
and I don't think anyone else would feel this way.
I know that it's a personal umbrage that I have.
I think maybe you should talk to like like a couples therapist.
But why I annoy you so much? Right, see now this again we has
anyone else got a girlfriend that you could say to them, oh
babe, those trousers are too short on you.
And they would turn around and go OK, well you hate me.
And actually over the last month I've realised that all you do is
nag at me and then I will be like, OK, well can I have
specific examples to which no response can be given.
And then 5 minutes later to be told, sorry, I just overreacted
to you telling me the trouser was too small and that there was
a very good scenario of that where I say to you that small
thing, I know it's I'm not saying that I'm right, it's just
slightly annoying and you go OK, will you hate me?
Yeah, well, apparently it's a Capricorn thing, so I'm just
going to let that be my excuse. Scarlett has already cleared.
There's 163 calories in this one tin.
Yeah, but it's a Pimms. Pimms is like pure sugar and
lemonade. I'm surprised it's not more.
Jesus Christ not. Bad.
I think that's quite bad. I don't think so.
I thought it would have been about 70.
No, for a Pimms I was thinking around the two to be.
Fair. It is very sweet.
It tastes very sweet. Well, Scarlett couldn't find a
soft drink in the fridge at Levi's, so she grabbed a Pimm.
Because I hate water. That what's your second can.
It's a kind of minor figures black.
Coffee. I'm going to try it and like.
But I'm going to go for it anyway.
I'm going to do a bit. Yeah.
Because, guys, does anyone else like.
Oh my God. Oh she that is.
Fuck that is strong. But you like black coffee in
your day? Because I'm a psychopath.
Who else loves black coffee, Gin and tonic?
Tequila, lime, soda, beer. Me.
But I like all of those things. I just don't like black coffee.
Oh, now see, for me that's horrible.
That that is nasty. Sorry minor figures that's shit.
Fucking how? Me I'm a horrible I taste like
piss. That I am a die hard black
coffee fan. That is that that's yeah, that's
nasty. Can can I just say we we cycled
here today on a line bike? I don't know if any of you live
in London, well, I know some of you do, but the ones that do, do
you ride line bikes? I fucking love them.
I just hate having to find one and then when you find it like
there's. Like everyone else on the road.
Yeah, and there's like a pedal missing when you find a bike.
Drivers and like anyone travelling in London are the
definition of cunt cunts. Like absolute cunts but also.
It is so hot and it's October. Boiling it's.
Ridiculous. And it is October.
It is autumn. I am not complaining.
No, I'm not. I hate autumn and I hate winter.
It is hot. But it was so weird because we
were cycling down Oxford Street and all of the Christmas lights
are already out, so it's like I'm literally sweating and then
there's Christmas lights. Yeah, but that must just be how
the Australians fell every year. Well, I'd love it.
It's just normal I think. We're in the wrong country.
Yeah. But we know that.
We do know that things that keep us here, guys.
There's some really exciting stuff coming up, one of which
being our event. Yes, which sold out in literally
a matter of like 2 hours. Yeah, because.
We never even announced that it's gonna happen either.
We just. Of course we wouldn't have
announced and give anyone like a pre opportunity to like wait for
them to have been released because we're so deeply
unorganised. But we're so blessed like and so
grateful how how you guys support us so much.
It's incredible. We literally can't wait for the
event, actually. It's going to be so much.
Fun. When I say event, it's basically
just going to be like you guys coming in drinks, yeah.
Just drink but you're. Coming in on what are lesbian
quote UN quote lesbian supper clubs look.
Yeah. But I don't want to say that
because I feel like you're going to set the expectation too high
now and. It's just what we do.
Yeah, but Freya, I don't feel like we're going to get our tits
out in a group of 60 lesbians. Well, you go for it.
I won't be doing that, not at the first event.
I've got to allow people to settle in.
I'm going to be a quite a tame version of myself, I heard.
I think I've always up for a bit of crack.
Oh, we love to have a laugh if anyone's got any funny stories.
But the point is is like. A safe space for women.
Yeah, well, no, no, I would disagree because there's
actually a lot of safe spaces. Well, there's more safe spaces
existing than there ever were. We know a number of events that
take place across London for women and non binary and trans
folk. This is more a different type of
event. So a lot of the events that
currently exist are, you know, club type out out type events
which are great and they all look fantastic.
That isn't something that we often ever do either to
literally never or with our friends.
So we are trying to or not even trying to.
We are simply doing our version of what our nights out look like
and we are opening in that up to our listeners.
Yeah. And so it's going to be very
casual. The space we absolutely love.
We feel like we found the great space and we've got some really
exciting things that hopefully we can pull off that will be
like happening on the night. And it's just going to be an
opportunity for like, hopefully people to just come have some
drinks, meet some people of hopefully similar mindset, but
also just. It's having like queer women and
non binary people within a space where that doesn't happen all
the time. And like you said, unless it is
a club night, it ain't happening.
So yeah, just have a drink, relax, have fun.
That's what we want. It's nice because like the
numbers are, there's enough for it to be a really good
atmosphere, but the numbers are not big enough for it to get too
big. Yeah.
We want it to still be relatively like, intimate, like
I want to talk to you guys, wanna actually speak, you know,
and, and I wanna people to speak to each other as well.
Exactly. Yeah.
So we can't wait. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
We've got a lot of hopefully exciting things we can pull off.
And to those of you who didn't get tickets, we have got a lot
of stuff in the pipeline in this space.
So do not worry. There will absolutely be
multiple chances for you to come and attend and let's just all
have fun. 100%. I want to talk about a couple of
weeks ago we went to watch the football.
Yeah. So we went to watch Arsenal play
with, not play with. That's so awkward.
Arsenal play a game. They played with Liverpool.
They played. They probably are playing with
Liverpool. Up stage.
Like, you know, and they all go well, we all know that the
lesbian football scene is insane.
Like they that Jan scene is next level.
That'd be the only reason why I play don't.
So I want to make it clear I support basically all of the
women's football teams. I think they're all great
because I have favourite players across Manchester United, across
Arsenal, across Liverpool, etcetera, etcetera.
However, on this particular day we went to support Arsenal
because Katie McCabe was playing Katie.
McCabe is Scarlett. 'S I'm obsessed with her, yeah,
like I'm actually obsessed with her to the point where like I
watch those, like, edit videos on TikTok of her.
It's getting out like. Five times a day it's.
Getting out of hand. She is me.
I am her. We are one to get that.
Like I know that if I was on a football pitch, the way that
Katie McCabe behaves is me. Yeah, I bulldozer.
Yeah, bulldozer. Out of control.
Can't let things go. Like wearing the emotion on her
sleeve gets pushed, pushed 2 times harder.
She's just, I just think she's a fucking legend.
Also that Irish accent, There's something about her I find so
attractive as well. And I don't know what it is
because she wouldn't be my usual type.
But I have said before, I do love a football girl.
I do love a football girl. Like if they can play football,
I automatically think they're really hot.
Well, let me give you a favour darling, Never see me play
football. Just don't watch her pray.
I don't like watching you play any kind of physical sport or
activity. Well, you quite like watching me
kayak. You're good at kayaking.
I will give you that. I will give you that.
Everything else is like sending your child who is better off at
art to sports Day and watching them 10 metres behind everyone
in every single and they, they're the kid.
Like you would be the kid that gets the award for
participation. Every time, yeah.
Like a little Gold Star just for turning up.
Yeah, both sides. Liverpool undoubtedly played
better and deserved the win, but I thought both sides it wasn't.
I think it just seemed a. Little bit slow.
It was slow. It felt like they really
struggled to to get their shit together.
I love watching struggle. Momentum.
It was still fun to watch, yeah. We're going this Sunday to watch
Arsenal V's Man City, so come say, hey, we saw a couple of you
there. Yeah, we did, which is really
nice. Yeah, a few of you, actually.
Yeah, which is mental. There was like 54,000 people
there. We bumped into a few of you in
Notting Hill as well, which is just, it's still, if I come
across as a bit strange when you guys come up to me, it's not
because I don't want you to come up to me.
It's because like this is so new for us and it's happened so
quickly. It feels really dystopian.
So I think each time it takes me by like it still really takes.
Me just chatting pure shit. Yeah, I like panic chat.
I ever go like, I think my face, first of all was like sheer
panic, which may come across like, I'm giving you the fuck
off face. And I swear to God I'm not.
This is just grouches like natural instinct.
Yeah. And then yeah, our second
default is to overcompensate and chat loadership.
But then also this podcast is US chatting loadership.
So I feel like it by now guys. Yeah, I feel like that's what
you're expecting actually, in all fairness.
But yeah, if you do see us, please come up because I've also
had a few messages from a few of you saying I saw you but I
didn't come up to you. And that makes you feel sad.
Just come up. I swear I won't buy.
Or maybe I will. I would.
I might buy it. Oh something I wanted to talk
about the Emma Chamberlain breakup situation.
So as we all know, Emma Chamberlain was with Role Model
for about like 2 years and I feel like we lost a bit of Emma
Chamberlain personality online throughout those two or so
years. And it seems to me as soon as
they've broken up, that personality of Emma's has gone
straight back on the ground. After this podcast has gone
live, can you guys comment and tell us if you give a fuck about
Freya talking about Emma Chamberlain?
Because I just feel like. No, no, Emma.
Chamber people listening to this podcast are not the same people
deeply devoted to Emma Chamberlain's life.
I don't know. I really don't think they.
Are but I want this to be kept in because there might be some.
I just don't feel like they're OK if I'm.
Interested. But I am just interested more so
at the movement of how she's behaved online after their
breakup because it's very much similar to how a straight
relationship. A straight relationship.
Yeah. But what I'm saying is you could
apply that to quite a lot of relationships, how people switch
up their personality online. Weave this into the podcast and
that was not the angle you were coming from.
You wanted to have your 5 minutes talking about your one
certainly true love. The Can I just say Emma
Chamberlain has done collaboration with Levi's and is
absolutely staring at the Levi's cupboard right now across the
studio and I need it is an actual need.
I need the trousers, I need the I need the jeans.
It's like, it's like brown. Would you wear the jeans with
that of interest? No.
Fuck off. No, I'm genuinely asking you.
It's a dickhead question. Yeah, because I know that you
won't know how to style them. So is it?
Come on, please tell me. No, because I know they.
Will look nice on you, but I know what you're doing.
Right now as. Condescending.
I have to start. OK, what would you wear them
with? No, you can style me.
Exactly, that's why I ask. Oh fuck off.
I mean, it looks so good in my brownies.
See trousers, I can't wait. Today we wanted to talk about a
couple of things. One of these things being
something that actually me and Scarlett have both experienced
throughout our journeys of like, finding out our sexuality.
And I know of a few other queer women as well who have said a
very similar thing. When I say hyper sexualism, I
mean hyper sexualism with men or you know, boys when we were
growing up because we were trying to hide our true
identity. You're saying us, the women,
being the ones that are? Hypersexual I because, and I'm
not saying that every woman has experienced this, but I can
speak on my behalf. When I was growing up, I was
hypersexual with boys because I was trying so hard to a be
straight, to be proved to other people that I was straight and
CI just wanted to try and well, basically change.
See, I done it as well, but I done it more because I think I
knew deep down when I was really young I was hypersexual anyway,
which is looking back now just I feel strange in itself.
But from the age of like 14 and above, where your friends, you
know in the groups kind of start like exploring and all of that
stuff's happening. I feel that at that time I
definitely knew I was gay or I definitely knew something about
me was different than my friends.
And for me it was more not trying to prove that I was the
same as them or trying to convince myself because, because
you know, I definitely, I've, I've mentioned this previously
went through like took me basically five years to come out
because I was scared of what other people were going to say.
But as soon as I did come out, I was never scared of myself.
Like I I don't think I ever had internalised homophobia, I had
fear of what other people would think of me but then as soon as
I came out even if they did them behave badly like the person in
me that hates injustice called that out straight away.
But for me it was more like I over sexualized and hyper
sexualized myself to keep up with my friends.
So I wanted to be part of the group.
I didn't want to prove that I wasn't gay.
It wasn't that. It was more that I wanted to fit
in to my friends because I was more like, if they're doing it,
then I should be doing it because why wouldn't I?
And at this point as well, for like those five years, as I've
mentioned previously, of thinking that I was gay, it was
because I was obsessed with one person who was female, not
because I actually thought I was gay.
Right. Yeah, I did that too.
So I was trying to still be with men or boys because I thought
other than that one person I would be with men or boys, which
I think is such a common experience.
Yeah, I definitely, I definitely did that whole thing of like,
I'm just in love with one person.
But it definitely went a lot deeper than that.
I wanted to really prove a point to.
My friends horrible horrible feeling as well like.
There's nothing more unsafe or like.
It almost feels quite demoralising.
I I felt like I owed it to them to to have sex with them or to
do something sexual. It was more.
Family. It was a knowing rather than
something that was really, truly a decision of mine.
For me, it was like shame, actually.
It was more like I after would walk away from that situation
feeling internally like I had done something deeply wrong,
which actually for so many other people was so normal and so
natural. And again, This is why I think I
mentioned this before, why it was so clear to me that I was
gay as soon as I slept with my first girlfriend, because I had
none of those feelings, even though from a societal
perspective it would have been more quote unquote wrong.
Shameful. Yeah, to have.
Had sex with a woman. I did not feel that shame.
I felt absolutely fine. It felt so normal to me, whereas
whenever I would walk away from sexual encounters with boys or
men, I would. Feel awful though.
There's not a shower hot enough, is there?
I mean, I, I remember when I had a boyfriend, I was 1415 years
old and I remember my mum trying to get him to stay one night
because he had to cycle back home and it was like winter.
My mum was like, why don't you just stay?
And I remember looking at her being like, God, I really,
really, really don't want him to stay.
And it wasn't even like a sexual thing.
I just couldn't wait for him to get the fuck out of my house.
This is. Like, yeah, it's like, Oh my
God, just get the fuck out. Whereas like with girls, I've
been like. Stay.
Yeah, I stayed with them as well, like never an issue.
But I also think as well that like I did feel really unsafe
around boys because I set an expectation around them that I
was always going to have sex with them or do something sexual
with them. So and I almost at that point
can blame them because I was so hypersexual with them.
That expectation became so normal.
And I even remember a boyfriend of mine saying when I was 18
years old and he said to me he was like we don't have to have
sex all the time. Like he literally said that to
me. Oh wow.
And I. Even a young boy was like wow.
Yeah, he was like 22. He was like, this is a lot.
We don't have to have sex all the time.
We can do other things. He was a very respectful guy.
Like he's a really nice guy. But I didn't know what else I
could give in that relationship other than sex because I
couldn't give the emotional side of things that I would give a
woman. It just didn't come naturally to
me. Yeah, I had a care.
I had a a level of care. But yeah, no, not really.
I mean, I did. I did.
I, I didn't, I can't fake something.
It's not that I didn't like, wish them well, but I didn't
care for them and for me, I, I didn't enjoy their company at
all. Like the whole time I was
thinking about what to talk about.
Like the conversation was just not there.
The interest was just not that. I offended one of the really
hideous jokes so. I this I think this was the
final nail in the coffin for me where I was like, I am never
dating a man again was like I think I was like 1718.
It was not long before I got my first girlfriend and I was still
doing this. In my eyes, this strange thing
with the quote unquote best friend who I was in love with
where I. Like certainly from my
perspective, and I don't know if she did, but I definitely did,
would go on dates with guys to wind her up.
And no, but it was definitely both sided.
Yeah, of course it was. And there was this one guy.
It was back in the day of Facebook.
So like we'd connected on Facebook and I'd saw him on a
night out a few times and whatnot and he wanted to Take Me
Out. So I agreed.
Can I just say this guy was like before it back?
No, that's unfair. A5 to six at best.
Definitely not my type at all but really thought he was the
dog's bollocks. He take you Wait.
So he pulls up to my house in his one series BMW, which at the
time still is actually like, really nice.
Car. Nice car, but he thought he.
Was driving around in a fucking Ferrari, yeah.
So that was like ick #1. He takes, he drives us to
Exeter, which is like a good hour from my home because at
this point there was no, there was like nothing around where we
lived like an. Hour drive with Yeah, but.
Even is. Well, this is it.
I can't remember the. Drive.
I'd rather go to a ship party. I really would.
And we go to Exeter and we end up in Nando's, which is just
like classic, although a fucking lover Nando's.
Like to be fair I don't give a shit about things like that
though. Like.
Lauren and Harry met at Nando's. Yeah, this isn't the problem for
me at all. And it's just the fact that he
drove you an hour out to go to fucking Nando's.
It's not like he drove you an hour out to go to somewhere
really fucking. Nice.
Yeah. But also you have to appreciate
that like in Yeovil, Taunton, etcetera, at this time there was
no, there was nothing on the High Street.
So yeah, OK, granted we could have gone to a pub, but when
you're 17, it's not really the vibe.
So we get to Nando's and I order like my usual order, which I
think was like, this was at the time that I ate meat.
So it was like medium spice chicken wrap, nice with like
salad in that. I think I would have ordered the
sweet potato mash and like the peas.
Yeah. Or the.
Peas. Yeah, loved the peas.
Interesting. And this prick made a comment to
me about getting two sides. He's like, were you going to eat
all that? That's a fucking pee.
And I was like, yeah, it might have not been.
It might have been chips and peas.
I was like. Who gives a fuck?
Doesn't fucking matter if I had the fucking chips, garlic bread,
mash and the rat, which to be fair, I could quite easily,
easily eat the power back. Yeah.
He was just like one of these guys that would try and be like
funny through misogyny, but actually just sounded like a
prick and he was a prick. So that was awful.
And then we were driving back and I can't remember, like we
were talking about something and I made a comment that like
genuinely wasn't even bad. And he slammed on the brakes and
went get out of the car in the middle of Exeter town city
centre. You're joking.
And I just looked at him and obviously like, I didn't give a
shit about this guy and I just looked at him and like
sniggered. And I was like, OK, because I
because. Did you get out?
Because I had family in Exeter, fantastic.
And like I know my mum would have got me or like my dad would
have come and got me. So like I didn't need this
prick. I've been travelling all around
since I was 14 by modelling anyway.
So like I wasn't like I would panic in that kind of situation.
So I was just like OK, we were at traffic lights and as I went
to open the door he speed up and we basically drove the whole way
home in silence. I dropped him, he dropped me off
and I don't think I ever spoke to him again.
And that for me, I was like, fuck men.
Wow. Not they're all men.
I've got a, you know, got to preface it by being like, not
all men. Yeah, OK, it's not all men, but
I fuck him. I literally going to.
Get another pimps. I'm back with my second can of
pimps. Good girl.
I'm going to speak like Gillian Anderson from G Spot.
I'm just about to take my sip of Pimms.
Yeah, Daddy. OK No I so this is where I
started to switch up the way that I was with boys.
But but like I said I was always owing, I was always going above
and beyond to be my true hetero man loving self which honestly
makes me want to slam my head against a fucking brick wall.
But there was this one time, and this is where I started to
realise this has gone too far. And I was, to be fair, there
were plenty of other times before that where I should have
gone. I've taken it too far.
But I fucking didn't, all right? I continued to.
Take, but this is you and you also need to make the mistake at
least five times. Before yes I do you should do
and let me just say this mistake probably happened about 50
times. Absolutely fat.
Anyway, I went on a date with a -10 he was potentially this was
a payday, Can I just say right? And it wasn't even supposed to
be a date, but he was like, do you want to go to the cinema?
And I was like, right, this guy is bottom of the barrel.
He looks like something that can I just ask.
A question really quickly to all lesbians.
Why is it that when we are in our hiding, our lesbian or our
queer era, we actually go for the worst type of guy, more
worse than what any straight girl would do?
Now you would think by natural human psychology that.
We go that we'd actually. Go for the highest of the high
because we'd be so unbothered. We'd be like not casting our net
that wide and we'd be like, right, do you know what I mean,
Like. But maybe it's just because
we're so unbothered that it didn't matter if he was a -, 10
or a 20 plus to. Be fair, a lot of my beards were
really good looking. Yeah, mine one right?
But I was also fucking ugly so. One of them was a Hollister
model, which at the time was like.
Yeah, that was iconic, yeah. Why did we?
Why were we all upset so fucking?
Yeah, really pathetic. So I went on this, I went on
this so-called date with him and I remember him making me you pay
for my ticket. That really pissed me off.
No Freya when? No, I'm sorry, you go on a pity
charity date, they pay. Yeah, but he didn't know it was
a pity charity. Date.
I'm sorry he knew and I wasn't. I was gonna say looking girl in
the world. What era were you in at this
point that you're fucking? Is that you're trying to say it
was a pity day. He probably thought it was a
fucking. Pity day.
But I also stand by this and it's not so much a a female male
thing or whatever. I always say.
The person who asked you on the date page.
Yeah, OK, fair, I always say. OK, that's not even about roles.
It's. Just roles, OK, person who asked
you pays for the fucking date anyway.
I didn't want to go see this stupid fucking movie anyway.
I'm not gonna say it just in case by any way means of
whatever he identifies. It's not like he's listening.
And then so it sit throughout this whole movie and I know that
he was obviously just like having his eye on me the whole.
Time I actually can't watch you talk about this.
Fucking makes me nothing happened.
Nothing happened. And then he was like, let me
drive you home and it was a good like 50 minute drive.
So I was like OK. And then he drove me all the way
home and like, stopped outside of my house.
And then just kind of, you know that really slowly.
And the boys do. Facing the world.
Like close their eyes way too soon and like open up their
mouth. And I remember seeing it happen
in slow motion, just turning my head and like giving him my
cheek. But that was the real, the
moment where I realised I was like, OK, I'm done.
I'm done with this shit. And it obviously I then had my
like first girlfriend and that was amazing.
I did have a slip up with a guy because I was still really,
really, really trying to be straight.
This was a very different situation.
He was not bottom of the barrel. He was a very good looking guy.
He was really, really lovely. That was a moment where I was
like, do you know what? You're so my personality type.
You're gorgeous. He wasn't.
You do everything. He was my personality type for
sure. He was personality type.
He was I need. To meet this guy, because from
what I've heard, what, So he's got, like, dirty filth crap,
Yeah. He was really funny.
He was a bit of a bad boy, but not in a nasty way.
He was really like rebellious, some fun.
He liked to be spontaneous. Rebellious as he.
Was very cute as well though, so a lot like you if you were a man
anyway so. So yeah, but I kind of then knew
I was like, right, I'm definitely fucking gay and I,
you know, and I had to own it, but I but yeah, for those out
there that are maybe even like still going through this phase.
You don't have to do it to. Yourself, you don't have to do
it that. Doesn't mean that you have to
come out and like open up and accept who you are, but I would
say that like going through multiple guys, boys, whether it
be sexually, like attempting emotionally or whatever that be
all you're really doing is punishing yourself.
Because OK, you can question, but if you've been questioning
for a certain amount of time and you've been questioning multiple
people prior, you're probably not questioning anymore.
You're probably having a hard time accepting, which is
absolutely fine, but if I could go back now I would have stopped
younger me a good two years before.
Because those two. Years from the age of 16 to 18
were just so unnecessary and actually quite damaging for me.
It was really damaging for me, it was.
Like, emotionally, yeah. Yeah, and and it does.
And that level of disgust that you feel.
Because I think as well, from the age of like 13 to 16, when
you're all in school and you're having a bit of fun, it's it is
quite innocent, but also 60 and above men.
Shit. No, no, but this is not what
we're saying. What we're saying is the these
women or non binary people feel like when they're discovering
themselves, they need to keep experiment men to yeah, you can.
But if it's making you feel a certain way countless amounts of
times, especially if you are younger, is I was about to say
from the age of 16 to 18, the rhetoric does change.
It goes from more like innocent, like kids to more kind of adult
type relationships. So the intensity ramps up.
And it does take a more kind of what's the word?
I don't want to say devoted, but definitely more of a serious
tone. Yeah and that is what I wish I'd
saved myself from. Because actually for me, and it
isn't the same for everyone, those experiences proved nothing
to me. What I should have done from
falling in love with my best friend to getting my first
girlfriend is not bothered dating men at all at that point
and got and done other things for my own self discovery and
healing to get me to that point. Because going on these shitty
dates with guys and having these shitty sexual experiences would
definitely, yeah, traumatising, I think more than.
I think a lot of it comes down to as well, like self love.
I think that when you are discovering your sexuality and
you're like, OK, I'm a lesbian or you think you might be, you
start and it's not everyone, but this is what happened to me.
You start to hate yourself and because I didn't like myself and
because I didn't love myself or respect myself, I put myself in
these very damaging situations. Some of them were very dangerous
situations as well, which I wish I could go back and change, but
I can't. But it's all part of my journey.
I can't regret it now. But like Scarlett said, if I
could go back and yank younger me away from those situations, I
definitely would have done. So keep that in mind.
Is that something that you're you're kind of doing?
Or if you have done, at least you know that like, it wasn't
just you. There was definitely a lot of us
that did that. Oh, it's 100% universal
experience. I just think it's sad because a
lot of the time I don't know if it needs to be anymore.
And I think like when we were younger, platforms such as the
one that we are literally talking on now did not exist.
And I do honestly feel like if younger me had discovered with
the Elwood younger, if younger me had a podcast, if younger me
had more queer people in the media, my decision and my
understanding of who I was would have happened a lot faster.
And also just, yeah, like the pride in yourself because you,
you see yourself. Yeah, I mean, I think, like I
say, we differ in that sense because I don't think I ever
actually felt shame. I just felt a lot of confusion.
I didn't understand if what I was feeling was real.
But I think my home life was different.
Because it was so different to all of my friends and this is
what I mean. For me it was definitely more of
like a blending in and trying to fit in rather than a self hate.
But yeah, if I had those outward resources, those outer
resources, I would have come to the conclusion I probably would
have been out in school, I reckon.
Yeah, I would have a. 100% yeah, me now, I think I really would
have 100. And that's not even just, well,
it is it all comes full circle. That's not just because there's
more resource out there now. So it's because as well that the
resource feeds into people coming out.
The more people that come out and score, the safer that I
would have felt. So it is that full cycle.
It's that circle. But we're going to start
somewhere. Haven't.
We, if you're listening to this podcast and you're thinking, you
know, you're still doing those things, again, I really want to
highlight it. It's different for everyone and
it's, it's your journey. But if you are walking away
feeling shame, you feel, like Freya was saying, putting
yourself in somewhat difficult and sort of sometimes dangerous
situations to try and prove something to yourself and other
people. Stop.
Because it it it's not like the lights going to come on one day
and suddenly who you are is going to change, even if you
desperately want it to right now.
You are who you are and you have to, at some point in your life,
love that. Yeah, accept it and love it.
Because if you're not going to, you're not ever going to be
happy. You can mask and you can have
happiness, but you're not going to have true happiness if you're
not. Living authentically.
Yeah, couldn't agree more. I wanted to say as well, like I
feel like it kind of ties into what we're saying here is
lesbians talking about the use of strap ONS and lesbians who
don't agree. Yeah, this is with the use of
strap ONS because they believe that it's too heteronormative or
like that we're expecting a Dick or we're expecting to have a
Dick or to have a Dick inside of us.
And I'm actually going to grab our PR live because she has a
specific experience in this, which like I haven't.
I've spoken to women before who've said that they don't
believe in like strap ONS, etcetera.
I've never actually like been with someone who was like that.
So I'm going to grab her, get her experience on this.
Oh, live. Right.
So I've brought live into this room, into the studio.
Hello, Thank you, Liv very much for joining us.
She is our Geordie Queen. I love how she's already shy.
I know she's got the cute little giggle.
You're coming in to talk about your favourite subject, which is
the. Strap.
The strap So I was saying that I.
Listens to this episode. Shout out to Lisa.
No, because she's not an act on technology.
She's probably still be on episode 1.
Yeah, probably fair enough. She'll probably just keep re
listening to episode 1 thinking that she's listening to more.
Yeah, she's. Listening to on looping her.
Sleeping. Pills.
Right, so I was just saying that like I've never had an
experience where a girl has said I know that it happens, but I've
never had an experience where a girl was like no to the strap
because of XYZ. Do you care to share your
experience in this field? Because I know you've got
hashtag. Say no to the strap.
Yeah, so my first girlfriend, I was 17 and obviously just like
experimenting, like trying new things, whatever.
Then we got onto the topic of the strap.
Nice. Yeah, and she was straight away
just like having none of it. Like absolutely no.
And the one thing she kept saying was like, it defeats the
point of being a lesbian. Right.
And what was her rationale behind that?
Because she was like, if you're having sex with a strap on,
which is essentially like a fake penis, why you're not having sex
with a man? Okay this is so troublesome on
so many different levels. Can I just say as well, did you
guys ever use like dildos or anything though?
No, because she wouldn't. It was the same issue for her.
It was like. Vibrate.
Is that old thing Fine? Okay, Anything phallic related.
It was like go Shagaman instead, though.
Which, in hindsight, she actually ended up doing, Yeah.
Well, that was. That she was clearly trying to
hide something from herself. Very, very hypocritical.
I don't think I've ever heard anything more hypocritical in my
life actually to say this is so phallic.
What's the point? I'm a lesbian and then cheats on
you with a man. That is very bizarre, but.
That person is. Bizarre.
There she is. Can I just say something on this
is I want to say upfront that if you're a queer person who
doesn't enjoy using a strap on for whatever reason, that is
absolutely. That's fine.
Yeah. What I don't like is the
narrative associated to using strap ONS is, is that.
Oh, you must want Dick. Yeah.
Because that is so, so very untrue.
You heard it here first on this podcast.
I love using strap ONS. I I thrive, but if a man were to
come anywhere near me, fuck off. I would honestly rather jump off
a Cliff. I'm I honest, I'm not even
joking. I would put that harness on off
the strap parachute right? Why am I picturing Freya
backwards swearing a strap harness with a parachute that
pops out on top of her bum and she's going paragliding off the
hills of Cornwall, no. I'm pitching her like running
across a beach, like running away from someone and getting
the strap and. I would lasso the strap, the
mountain, and. Just hiking herself up on.
It Yeah. It's got like a little hook at
the bottom and she's just going. On the on the tip, it's.
Like look, there's a reason why lesbians love rock climbing and
it is because we love to our harness, OK?
I don't want to be seen in one of those pants with a hole in
it. I don't want that.
No the fuck I do. Want one of them.
I don't want to be seen in it, but I want it because.
Lights off only. Oh, just because I know that
they're so they've had so many good reviews.
Have they? Yeah, a lot of people say
they're fucking amazing. Because the harness.
The harness, yeah, but it falls out.
It does fall out. Look, it does.
Fall out and it is annoying but. I'm also the strap Don Oh my.
God. I know, but Don, you can be a
strap boxer Meister. I could be the boxer she.
Tried boxing and that was short lived.
You can't be the box Meister look.
I think it's really going back to the subject.
I think it's really fucked that girls will and like you said,
all the other. I think it's the fact that
people are. Shaming each other within like
community you're shaming. When my ex did that, obviously I
was the one who asked and she shut it down so much that I
almost felt ashamed and embarrassed.
So then when I was going forward into my next relationships, I
didn't want to bring it up because then I thought.
And also, did it make you question if you were actually
gay? Yeah, because I felt like she
was questioning me because of it.
Do you know what I mean? So how did you kind of like
process that then? Because if she was always
putting you down for it, did you rebuttal that fact with like,
no, you can still be a lesbian or while you just kind of like.
Well, I think that I was in, I think I was in a bad
relationship anyway, and I think she manipulated and told me a
lot. I kind of just took what she
said and. Was like, OK, so you kind of
took it as like fact because she said it.
You were like, kind of. I didn't think like, oh, I must
be straight, but I was just like, well, they're doing right.
I was just like, OK, maybe that. Yeah, I was like, maybe that's
why you shouldn't use. But they don't create.
Strap ONS for, I mean, they actually do, that's the problem.
Do you know what I do? You know what I once bought?
I bought a strap on that was hollow on the inside because I
didn't realise that it was actually for a man to put his
penis in. Isn't that for people who have
like micro? Penis so so that it's like I'm
fucking you with a big old. Strap because another argument
that a lot of the community come up with, and I would imagine the
heterosexual community as well, although I couldn't give less of
a fuck about what they say, is that why would you wear a strap?
What the fuck do you get from it?
I get so much, first of all achievement, second of all can
I? Just say guys sat here right now
with her fingers in the air. Point. 12.3 This is the thing,
OK? So yeah, when you're wearing a
strap, it's clearly not the fucking same physical
stimulation that you're going to receive as if you were to have a
real penis, OK, but that you still get so much enjoyment
about from pleasuring someone to.
Giving someone oral. Or fingering.
Someone or fingering someone? Could you just?
Say because I'm getting any like.
No, Yeah, but you are because? You can feel it, it is a
sensation, whereas when you're wearing the strap.
Oh no, but I feel it on my clit, the base of the strap.
But I do. But what I'm saying, The thing
is, but I think that yeah, you definitely get a lot out of it.
And also it's just like pleasuring that person that
you're having sex with also being the receiver of the person
with the strap. Just because you're a lesbian
doesn't automatically then mean that you do not get pleasure out
of penetration. Yeah, and I also want to say a
couple of things here as well. I absolutely love everything to
do with lesbian sex that is not about wearing a strap on that.
So for me it is not the be all and end all.
But I am going to say something quite controversial here.
Go on. If I were not with you and I met
someone else and I I was planning on being a long in a
long term relationship with them and they did not want to receive
nor give with the strap. That would be a bit of a deal
breaker for me because I enjoy yeah.
I think I I think I agree. I think I agree too.
It's like AI think it adds I. Think it's also just a bit like
I don't need to use. It there's so many times that we
have had sex. That we haven't.
Used it do not use it right. So it's not like or any sex toys
actually at all. So it's not like I, I'm being
like, oh, it's, it's a deal breaker in that sense.
But I, I feel like I, it can be a lot of fun and I can, again,
I'm just going to go back and say like, if you don't want to
receive nor give, that is absolutely fine.
Because like I understand there's so many reasons as to
why people wouldn't want to. But for me, like, it does come
in as quite a big part of sex. So I do think I would struggle
to be with someone who like didn't like it or kind of shamed
me for liking it. What?
About. Actually, I've got another story
about the other acts. Oh well.
Code name this one Cyril. Cyril side window.
Yeah, Yeah. That's creative.
That's very. Creative.
How did you get that from? I don't know it's.
Amazing. Just came off the top of your
head. Carry on.
So Cyril topic of strap no, absolutely no go wouldn't take
it wouldn't receive it. But then however, maybe like
just before year before into a relationship has I discover has
a like 12 inch clear dildo, right?
Oh my God. 12. Huge is huge 12.
So yeah, the whole thing which you like, I was like, should we
use? No, absolutely not.
You made me feel sick, blah blah blah blah.
I don't know. Again in a manipulation
controlling relationship. I pick him.
I pick him well which do a whole episode next time just on live
sexes. I'd love to do that.
I don't think I would anyway. Yeah, It was just like, no, no,
no. And then one night we were
staying in a hotel, I think it was around Christmas, and then
she just wrapped it out and I was like, where the fuck is this
from? Me thinking that she just bought
it. Is there a bag big enough?
Funny, I thought she'd just bought it just like, you know,
have a bit of fun. No, no, no, no, no.
This girl's had this for like 2 years and it's a.
Strat or is it just a dildo? Used it on her.
Ex Oh, that is classic lesbian though, Liv.
I can't be surprised at that because no, I know so many
lesbians just reuse no. But the fact that she shamed her
and no. Yeah, so.
Fucking 12. Inch.
That's what's yeah, that's what's problematic.
It's not the fact that like so it's not guys, we do need to
stop reusing our straps. But also do reuse their Dicks so
well. True, more about if you can
change it. If you can change it, you
should. Yeah.
So just as a PSA, we should be getting rid of our sex toys from
one relationship to me. And you break up, I'll send you
a video of me burning that strap on and crying in the background.
I think it would. I'd lob it onto OH.
My God, you do what Avery Cyrus has just done on TikTok and
like, chop it up. Chopped there, but that was that
was meant to be her vagina. No Jojo's vagina I.
Thought that was really bad and. I thought that was really nice.
I. Thought that was really nice.
Jojo's response? Yeah, Jojo's response is
hysterical and brilliant. But they but just ivory.
Avery should not have done that and you're gonna regret that one
day. So because acting like that on
body shame social media. Yes, it's just gross.
It's gross. Can we just go back to the
recycling of straps? I don't think that's an opinion.
I don't think we should be doing it now.
I have done it and I have received from it, but there
isn't much excuse. We should just be buying new
ones we shouldn't be taking. Some of the fucking expensive.
But then maybe just don't disclose.
But what I find bad about this situation is that she shamed you
for it but had this thing the whole time and then one day
decided to have a change of heart.
Like, what's the well that? I mean, as you know, it's just
classic Cyril. So why did Cyril have the sudden
change of heart? You don't know.
No. Did you question it when you saw
it come out? Were you like hold on a minute?
No, because classic me was just drunk as hell.
No. How did she wear it?
No, because it's a dildo. She just like.
She just shoved. She couldn't wear it.
It's a dildo, not a strap it. Could have no, but it definitely
was a strap because it had the. Like the thing that could have
bit like. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but no harness, insight harness probably at the axes.
She wouldn't have had the balls to harness you.
Actually, I don't want to say the balls.
She wouldn't have had the minerals to harness you.
No, she wouldn't have had the tits to harness you.
But yeah, I think that honestly, as much as we cannot shame those
for not wanting to use it because of XYZ, that isn't that
isn't about men. We also just go.
You feel like you're you want to shame someone for wanting to use
a strap on. That's that's.
Yeah, because you're hearing it first from, you know, a lot of
the feedback that we get as in me and Freya get is how openly
gay we are very quit very owning of every element of our
sexuality. So if these lesbians are telling
you that they enjoy the IT is not a part of questioning your
sexuality or feeling like you're missing something in the
bedroom. Because let me tell you, I'm
really not. I just it's just nothing other
than just enjoying it. So I hope as well that this
isn't extending into bisexual relationships or Poly
relationships where if it's two women, the, you know, the
bisexual Poly girl has a conversation about wanting to
use toys. And then I hope there's not like
backlash happening in that sense being like, oh, you just want a
Dick then Because I just think, and it's so different.
I mean, as we say, one of the first videos we ever put up
about this podcast was just talking about strap ONS.
And so many of you commented it's the force and not the
source, and that has stuck with me.
That is probably the best piece of advice yeah I have ever been
given in my. Whole existence and we've loved
you all from day one, because it is.
So true, it is the force, not the source.
So. True, and if you don't agree,
I'm going to send those fucking Parisian bedbugs your way.
They're. Going to they've.
Actually been spotted on the tube, I've saw.
No, I've honestly read about five articles today.
But I've been. Speaking to today have literally
been saying that when they've been going home, they're not
touching anything. They're literally stripping
their clothes off. I'm not surprised.
Fuck the bed bugs.
Don't get on the TfL, they have a lot but.
Right on. And they're smoking.
And they're like, oh, we. Shall I do the Horror Story?
Yeah, Geordie accent Let Live read out because it's really
long. Oh yeah, but she's Geordie.
OK so today's Horror Story. Hey girls, absolutely love the
podcast. I have binged it for the past
three days at work and have finished the last episode today.
Sad face. Anyway, I have a Horror Story
for you. I was seeing this girl at
college. We weren't in a relationship but
we were hanging out a lot and going on dates and we both had
expressed interest in continuing that.
She was a bit sketchy and would post some pics of me and then
immediate delete them and stuff like that and she was really hot
so I ignored enough. A lot of red flags.
I'd do the same. It's very me.
We had made plans one weekend in the fall to go to my friend's
house party Friday night for her to meet my friends and then go
to a pumpkin patch the next day. Typical date stuff.
Friday night comes and I hadn't heard from her at all so I sent
her a message asking if everything was OK.
She didn't respond and I didn't hear from her all weekend.
I was pretty sad considering the plans were actually her idea and
I really liked her. By Monday night I still hadn't
heard from her and said one last message before deciding it
wasn't worth it. My roommates at the time asked
me what would make me forgive her not responding.
I said not sure, maybe if her dad died.
Or something, maybe if she died. Because I was pissed off.
Literally the next day she texts me saying it's not OK because
her stepdad died and she'd been out of state all weekend at a
funeral. I was shocked but of course I
believed him. We kept seeing each other.
We eventually started dating but our actual relationship didn't
last very long and the summer after in brackets.
This was August to December. During school I was looking on
Facebook and her mum was suggested to me as a friend.
Of course I clicked on it to see that her mum had recently posted
a wedding anniversary picture with the stepdad.
I did some further research and realised his stepdad did not
die, she had simply lied to me either to get out of hanging out
with me because she wasn't comfortable with being with a
girl. I just don't think she wanted to
go pumpkin picking. That made me realise most
everything she said was a lie and it also made me remember on
our first date she weirdly asked me if I was a serial liar, to
which I responded no. I mean, what else is a serial
liar going to answer with her yes.
This is the first time I've told the truth, yes.
I never ended up confronted her. I've had to.
Oh. I would have sent that
anniversary photo. Sorry, that is.
Sad that is so bad. I would have sent that
anniversary photo straight to her and said, Oh my God, he has
risen. I feel like there's a little
like a white lie, but that is taken.
This is the thing the power of her and me and sometimes the
over exaggerate, like I don't like letting people down.
So I have been partial to telling a white lie that would
it would just be a lot better for me to tell the truth, right?
And I've I've stopped doing that now I just say no.
I was going to say, now you don't have it anymore.
No. You've helped me be like, just
tell the truth. Yeah, but I used to feel so much
guilt about just like saying no, my brutality, change out.
Abortion may come up with something, but never someone's
fucking die. I also think it's kind of like
the superstitious person in me doesn't want to tempt fake.
Because like Karma. And also so she clearly though
from that moment had no intention of this going anywhere
serious because surely at one point she would have met her mum
and then would have met the stepdad.
You were like, why didn't you fucking die?
Well, that's the thing, I think it wasn't only about getting out
of the day, it wasn't about getting out of the day, it was
about getting out of any further communication because she could
say I couldn't go on the date because he died.
And I also now I'm so traumatised and grieving that I
don't want to no. But then they carried on date
afterwards, yeah. Oh.
So that's what's so weird. Oh, I thought they stopped.
No. Like, fair enough.
Had that been like that, That's it.
Oh my God. Waiting for.
Like, I mean, still not fair enough.
It's fucking weird. And then she saw her mum's
Facebook and clicked. It and they had very odd, isn't
it? That is very.
Just I've got no words for that. It's, I think, bizarre person.
Should Reconfront. I think she needs to be
confronted. I think that maybe we should get
her to listen to this podcast. I'll say it for you, sweetheart.
You shouldn't have lied, should we?
Start doing When people submit their horror stories, they don't
want to confront the other person that they just send their
numbers and I. Ring them.
Oh my God. Can you imagine?
I'd love to call. This girl right now and say just
have interest. Why did you lie about yourself?
Die about that because I know that your mum just celebrated
her anniversary with him. I I am honestly blown away.
Maybe. Oh no.
But how do we know actually that the mum didn't get married
again? How do we know that her dad
wasn't gay? What?
What the fuck? She said my stepdad died.
How do we know that it wasn't her dad's husband?
Because. She said her mum posted the
photo. Yeah, what I'm saying is she
only said stepdad. It could have been her dad's
husband. No, because she this she was
saying this girl was very much in the closet, which I fucking
doubt she would have been if her dad was.
What if it was? I think you're reading you're
going too far. I'm.
Trying to give it the benefit of the dad.
How do that would have been me if that was me in that
situation. How do we?
Know, though, that the mother didn't remarry again or.
Repost a picture just to be like.
Happy anniversary. I love you but your dad.
Yeah, because like, then she must.
Put your dad in the caption for the girl to blunt.
But you wouldn't always say that you're dead.
It could be like happy anniversary to the love of my
life and that you could say you could do a postmate.
I would assume that the girl that wrote in did a little bit
more stalking. Can she actually give me this
month of profile? So I really want to figure out
the mum. Had gone on holiday or something
and this girl knew and then the stepdad was in the picture.
Well, I'd gone some, do you know what I mean?
Yeah, maybe. Yeah.
But all I'm saying is is that that was the only bit of
evidence that she gave us in that e-mail was the happy
anniversary post, which, to be fair, you might do.
But I need to know more. What does, what does?
But I do. Weird.
Is the question asking of that are you a serial liar on the
first day? Yeah.
That's a red flag. That isn't boding well for the
other girl, is it? Imagine asking and the whole
like. Posting pictures of her and
deleting it straight away like. There's a lot of weird shit
going on here, so I would imagine the girl has done her
detective work. Why not just say?
I'm so sorry like I had the shits or something like why did
she feel like that this. Girl was so comfortable about
lying about her stepdad dying. She probably doesn't really care
about lying a lot of other things.
That's definitely not her. First, well, I do actually know
people who have lied a lot worse than this, definitely, which I
would love to do an episode on. Yeah, we should do it, actually.
Maybe that can be our next episode.
What was it called? Liars when they love to lie.
Yeah, Compulsive liars. Yes.
Let's do an episode. On compulsive liars, because
this was next level, This was worse than that.
Yeah, and guys, write in your stories of your compulsive lies
because I feel like there's going to be a lot.
Should we just do a whole episode where we talk about, we
give our overview of our compulsive liars and like I've
used and then we just go through a shit load of compulsive liar
horror stories? Fucking yes.
OK guys, write them in please. Anyway, I think that's
everything. Yeah, don't lie, just say don't
fancy you anymore, don't want to shag you.
Bye. Yeah.
Don't say family members have died.
Yeah. Don't do that.
Yeah, try not to. Anyway, love you all.
We'll speak to you next week and we can't wait to see you at the
event. Love you all, bye.
Bye.