1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,680 Hi everyone, it's Freya here. I just wanted to do a quick 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,560 disclaimer before this episode. I actually recorded this episode 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,000 a little while ago now and I wasn't sure for a while if it 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,600 was one that I was ever going to post. 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,840 But this podcast is all about having hard conversations and 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,560 talking about difficult things and this episode with my mom 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,080 really reflects that. The journey between me and my 8 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,200 mom and my sexuality. Since I've come out it's been a 9 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:27,800 long 1 and it hasn't always been easy and some days there are 10 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,680 still those sticking points of communication we worked through. 11 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,800 However, on the other side of that, I am so grateful for how 12 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,880 far we have come and how I do truly feel so accepted for my 13 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,960 sexuality now where my mum is concerned. 14 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,080 And I think it's super important to share that if you can relate 15 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,960 to this, whether it be you haven't come out or you're going 16 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,240 through difficult times of family or like me, you've gone 17 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,080 through it and come out the other side. 18 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,640 But of course it's always going to be an ongoing conversation 19 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,160 that needs to be carefully discussed and worked through. 20 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,840 You aren't alone and despite how difficult what it can be, and 21 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,040 sadly a lot of the time it will be, if being able to live your 22 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,200 truth is safe for you, always choose that, even if it's not 23 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,280 always easy. Now let's get on with the show. 24 00:01:18,170 --> 00:01:21,850 Hello lesbians. If you can see my mum's face 25 00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:30,320 right now, she's acting like I'm Louis Theroux and she is sat in 26 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,360 like a prison cell or something and I'm about to ask her why she 27 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,800 killed her own mom. Do you know what I mean? 28 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,240 Like the way that you're looking at me right now, you look 29 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,600 terrified. Why are you so? 30 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,640 Scared. I don't trust you, OK? 31 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,640 Hold on, I've got to introduce this episode. 32 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:50,280 So I just put it on to the Instagram story that I was going 33 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,520 to have an episode with my mom Jill. 34 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,440 If you guys have heard our previous episodes we've spoken 35 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,600 about really a few times and I absolutely love her. 36 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,720 She is my mom this she me being Freya, this is my mom Jill. 37 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,000 And I put on the story a little photo of her beautiful face and 38 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,520 I was like ex homophobic mom wants to know your questions. 39 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,600 I was. Never homophobic. 40 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,240 I knew you were going to look at me like that. 41 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,440 You told me you wouldn't throw me under the bus. 42 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,920 I'm not. Throwing you under the bus, I 43 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,320 said. Ex homophobic. 44 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:25,800 No. Yeah, I said. 45 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,760 We're sat here with a with a glass of red wine. 46 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,040 Not ever. OK, OK, OK, well, you can get 47 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,800 into that. We sat here with a glass of red 48 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,440 wine. I bought some really nice wine 49 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,200 from Lidl. It's like a Chianti with a mango 50 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,640 sorbet. How's the mango sorbet treating 51 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:38,360 you? Delicious. 52 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,560 I love how you're treating it like your death row meal. 53 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,200 Like you. It's what it feels like at the 54 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,000 minute that this is maybe the last. 55 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,960 My Last Supper, somehow. I think, I think that you're 56 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,040 being a little bit pessimistic going into this. 57 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,960 I have a. Feeling start well did it ex 58 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,200 homophobic mother. Is it X? 59 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:01,280 No to say I'm X because I was homophobic in the 1st. 60 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,160 Place you don't believe that you were. 61 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,640 But the main thing is that so many people that listen to this 62 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,600 are going through a situation right now or have been or are 63 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,480 going to go into a situation where they have to come out to 64 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,400 their parents. And that's not exactly the most 65 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,280 fun thing to do. But I want to make this light 66 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,920 hearted. I don't want to make it a 67 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,720 serious thing because it doesn't have to be. 68 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,440 OK, well, all parents out there, potential parents, new parents 69 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:29,840 of lesbians. Go speak to them directly, Jeff. 70 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,360 You don't know what you're in for. 71 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,200 You're really in for it. You're evil. 72 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,080 So I've got a few questions here. 73 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,760 What was the turning point in accepting Freya not? 74 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,280 Accepting that you were gay. What was the turning point? 75 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,000 I think it was the same day that I realized you were gay. 76 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,880 Really. Yeah, I think so. 77 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,720 Yeah, I feel like. And this isn't me to say you're 78 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,360 you're a horrible person because you're really not. 79 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,800 You're you're an amazing person. However, you did react quite 80 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,240 dramatically when I came out. I wouldn't exactly say that that 81 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,560 was like you accepting it in the moment. 82 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,640 And that's fine. Like it's not a problem. 83 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,200 You didn't have to accept it. We need. 84 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:14,880 To put this into context, OK, you were quite a difficult 85 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,120 child, I have to say. All right? 86 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,320 And it's quite, quite exhausting. 87 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,840 Took all my energy. And we send you on a holiday to 88 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:29,320 Brazil because we think that. I paid for that, yeah, but. 89 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,400 We allows you to go and I think. Because I was 19. 90 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,680 I think. We, I think, fucking need your 91 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,800 permission to go. No, no. 92 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,160 I think we're still paying for it, but it's something to do 93 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,360 with you turning up in hotels in Ipanema and different things, I 94 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,920 think. You just it was not. 95 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,000 I think we ended up paying for it in the end. 96 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,520 Yeah, because we ended. Money. 97 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,600 No, but. Yes, my Amex. 98 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,080 We ended up paying off your debt and I thought, oh, she's going 99 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,120 to be so happy when she comes back. 100 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,040 So happy. And what you do, you're burst 101 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,760 into tears because you realize you'd left the love of your 102 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:06,080 life, which was your friend, female friend behind in Brazil. 103 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,240 My. Girlfriend at the time, yeah. 104 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,880 And it wasn't the fact that you said that she was your 105 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,400 girlfriend, it was the fact that you came back and you weren't 106 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,200 happy. That was The thing is. 107 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,880 That what annoyed you the most? Yes. 108 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,320 Really. Yes. 109 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,400 Because you really weren't happy with the fact that it was with 110 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,040 the girl. You did call me disgusting. 111 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,920 Oh, no, no, it's fine, Mum, it's fine. 112 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,480 It's not a problem. But you can help other people 113 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,440 just say yeah. Didn't accept at the time, but 114 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,600 it's fine now, you know, And I think that that's a really, 115 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,160 really nice thing. I don't hold any of this against 116 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,200 you. I really, really don't. 117 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,880 I understand you so well, OK? I don't hold any of this against 118 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,880 you. Before we go any further, this 119 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,800 episode is sponsored by Better Help. 120 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,240 What's something that scares you? 121 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,040 Share a fear No matter how big or small, Halloween lets us have 122 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,400 fun with what scares us. But what about those fears that 123 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,600 don't involve zombies or ghosts? 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And it isn't just for those who 133 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,240 have experienced major trauma either. 134 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,040 With over 5000 therapists in the UK already, Better Help can 135 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,680 provide access to mental health professionals with a wide 136 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,680 variety of expertise. Overcome your fears with better 137 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,040 help. Visit betterhelp.com/LSE today 138 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:44,440 to get 10% off your first month. That's Betterhelp help.com/LSE. 139 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:48,240 And with this spooky season, don't make it so spooky anymore. 140 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,640 Do you have any advice for kids or grown up coming out to 141 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,480 potentially unsupported parents? I don't think maybe. 142 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,120 Maybe if you think that I dealt with it badly, OK, I don't 143 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,560 think. OK, I don't think any parent 144 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,760 that loves their children is is unsupportive. 145 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,840 And I think we watch so many movies these days where you see 146 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,680 children coming out to their parents, but they come out to 147 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,280 them in ways where they sort of sit them all down and say, Mum, 148 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,000 dad, I've got something to tell you. 149 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,440 And you know, and it's, it's all right. 150 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,880 But to be honest, it doesn't really happen like that. 151 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:29,960 It happens in a row usually or, or, or something turns up or 152 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,360 something comes out which you're not expecting. 153 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,960 And to be honest, I didn't have an inkling. 154 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,760 I didn't have an inkling that Bethy was was gay. 155 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,720 Not at all. So you. 156 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,520 Feel like what she. Had she had boyfriends and she 157 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,800 was, you know, lovesick over over this boy that things didn't 158 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,320 work with. And I honestly did not think, 159 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,960 you know, I think sometimes, you know, I suppose possibly maybe 160 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,600 with boys and not girls. Sometimes people do get parents 161 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:03,040 get some idea or an inkling that their their son might be gay. 162 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,960 But with daughters it it's not so obvious and I think. 163 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,120 I did love riding ABMX skateboards. 164 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,600 I had a mullet. I just thought you were a 165 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,920 tomboy. And there was a there was a time 166 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:20,880 at school when someone said to me is is is she a boy or a girl? 167 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,840 Because she liked to wear boys shoes and have a haircut short 168 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,360 and, and wear trousers where the other girls wore skirts. 169 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,960 But to me that she was a tomboy. I was a tomboy growing up. 170 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,280 You know, I live my life sort of playing with my brothers Meccano 171 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:38,039 set and Dinky Toys and living up trees and wearing dungarees. 172 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,440 So do you think that like actually the problem is because 173 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,320 I think The thing is that I agree with you, right? 174 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,240 In an ideal world, you'd be able to have a really calm 175 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,840 conversation and it'll be like, look, this is something about 176 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,320 me. I hope that you accept me for 177 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,480 it, you know, But I think that that's not always how it comes 178 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,880 out. Because I think that people, 179 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,920 people who are gay feel so trapped in their own body, in 180 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,520 their own mind, that it comes out. 181 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,440 It may be not the best way that it ever could because they never 182 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,080 like wanted to do it. They never wanted to sit down 183 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,120 and have that conversation. So maybe when they're having an 184 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,960 argument, it's like, and guess what, blah, blah, blah. 185 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,600 Do you know what I mean? Because it's sitting right at 186 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,920 the edge of their throat, like waiting to come out. 187 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,560 And then it doesn't. And then they're like, oh, now 188 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:26,600 I'm going to tell you this thing about me because I'm already up 189 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:31,320 here and I feel like I've got to get it out rather than I'm going 190 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,040 to come calm. It does happen. 191 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,720 Some people do come like calm and collected. 192 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,520 I always say that I have another person there. 193 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,560 Like I think that's a really good thing to like have other 194 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:41,640 people there maybe not feel like you're so isolated for the 195 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,760 person coming out and also for the people that they're coming 196 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,880 out to. So you're basically saying that 197 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,840 your advice to other people like coming out that maybe they 198 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,880 should do it in a bit more of a calm and collected way. 199 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,920 Is that what? I think you've got to pick the 200 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,840 moment. It doesn't need to be in the 201 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,360 middle of a row because everybody's heated. 202 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,440 Everyone said things they don't mean. 203 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,280 And. And regret it. 204 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,000 Yeah. I mean, I will regret the end of 205 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,120 my days things, things that I've said, you know, because I love 206 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,440 my daughter and I would never do anything to hurt her. 207 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,520 And I I would support her in every single thing. 208 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,120 And I love, I love Scarlet, her partner. 209 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,320 Yeah. You know, Yeah. 210 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,800 Wish her to have any of the different lives than the one 211 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,560 she's having now. Well, that's really, really 212 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:22,960 nice. That's really nice to hear. 213 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,840 So somebody's asked, what advice would you give to a gay kid 214 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,040 that's afraid of coming out because they're worried that 215 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,800 their parents are going to get hate by association of having a 216 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,000 gay kid. I think they. 217 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,040 Have to actually fully understand that actually, if 218 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,520 they come out, but your parent has to come out as well. 219 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,080 And that is something that, and of course there's, there's, 220 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,600 there's nothing for the parents to learn about how to do that 221 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,960 because they then have to come out because then you have to 222 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,240 tell, you know, they have to come out to their family. 223 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,880 They have to come out to their friends, their work colleagues. 224 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,320 That never ends, right? It's always going on, Yeah. 225 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:02,040 And so many people will say, of course it's cool. 226 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,520 It's cool if my son or my daughter did that. 227 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,800 But you don't know how you react. 228 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,600 And the fact that people sometimes say, oh, really? 229 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:14,080 Are they, when you're at work and things you think, well, if 230 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,720 it doesn't matter why you actually saying Oh really? 231 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,400 And actually going around to the other office say, did you, did 232 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,880 you know Jill's daughter was gay? 233 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:22,880 I didn't know. She never. 234 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,200 Yes, she said. I never realized she was gay. 235 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,800 Did you spit it? No, that was about your sister, 236 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:28,840 not you. No, I know. 237 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:33,040 But so I always say to just have a strong right hook, strong 238 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,600 right hook, just pull up if anyone has a problem. 239 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:40,680 Like I feel like at the end of the day, your kids and the same 240 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,240 goes S like kids with parents say, for instance, I was 241 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,000 straight or I was gay and whatever, right? 242 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,720 And you came to me and you came out and people all of a sudden 243 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,240 are asking about my, my gay mom, right? 244 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,640 And then they're asking me these questions. 245 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:57,680 If somebody had even an ounce of hate face because it's like you 246 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,880 protect the ones that you love and those people. 247 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,600 Ultimately, it's a really good way of figuring out somebody's 248 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,720 an asshole or not, and I would never want you to get any hate 249 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,160 or any gossip or anything for who I am. 250 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,960 But at the same time, do you ever just think what a sad 251 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,280 little life. If you care that much about 252 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,680 someone's kid that you've never even met, that's weird, right? 253 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,280 You've got something that's. Weird because I, I mean, I've 254 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,560 just moved into this village two years ago. 255 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,280 I didn't know anybody and I met someone I thought was a very 256 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,280 nice lady and she, she met me. I didn't realize it was the 257 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:36,160 village gossip, and apparently what she told everybody was oh, 258 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,440 Jillson, she's very sweet. She's a bit bit dippy and all 259 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,520 her children are gay do. You know what? 260 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,680 I knew I hated her. I knew I hated her. 261 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,400 What's her fucking name again? Jane. 262 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,960 Jane the Pain absolutely can't stand people like that. 263 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,440 You know what in fact she was. Called Talk a lot, Jane. 264 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,800 Yeah, talk a lot, Jane. Talk a lot. 265 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,960 Jane. I have so many issues with you 266 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,080 know what? I've never actually felt 267 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,080 terrified of someone before until I met her. 268 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,440 And I was. I look at her and I'm like, 269 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,280 you're terrifying. Like, because there's something 270 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,280 crazy behind those eyes. Do you know what, though? 271 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,960 That's so funny. Never somebody like that. 272 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,440 They're not the credible source. Also, a very, very good friend 273 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,880 of yours around here is a gay man and one of your neighbours 274 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,480 was a lesbian with a lesbian couple. 275 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,600 You know, it is what it is. You live in a smaller town. 276 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,440 We've just been in Carbus Bay. Every other person we saw was a 277 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,080 lesbian. So surprised I've never seen 278 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,080 anything like it. But I think The thing is, it's 279 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,720 like, why do you like ultimately it's like, you know, that if you 280 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,200 were to lose a really good friend over them not being 281 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,440 supportive, but luckily you've never been through that. 282 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,800 But like, say, for instance, one of your great friends turned 283 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,080 around to you and said, I don't agree with that. 284 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,440 That's not for me. I don't want to be around it. 285 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,600 You're then like, well, you've kind of saved me a job because 286 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,480 you're clearly an awful person. Like, do you know what I mean? 287 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,160 Like, I feel like that's the one way to look at it. 288 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,440 You know, imagine like Melanie doing like she'll never do that. 289 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,440 And he's like sweetest woman alive. 290 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,960 And your friends here are really, really lovely. 291 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:04,120 I think that it's like anyone who has that kind of idea, if 292 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,240 you're already struggling yourself, try not to worry too 293 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,000 much about what everyone else is going to face because of you. 294 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,520 I think that's like it adds an extra passion, extra layer. 295 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,120 So I'm answering for you, mom, but it does just. 296 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,120 Thank you because I'm blanking out now. 297 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,560 What's your favorite thing about Scarlett? 298 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,280 I think my favorite thing about Scarlett is part for the fact 299 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,800 that she just makes me laugh so much. 300 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,760 She's so funny, but she's so capable. 301 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,520 She's so, I don't know, she's in. 302 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,960 She's capable of doing so many things. 303 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,400 She's so clever. But The thing is that she loves 304 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:44,880 my daughter and Bethany has gone from strength to strength ever 305 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,480 since she met her. And oh by the way, just a PSA to 306 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,440 everyone here. My first name is Bethany, so my 307 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,000 mum will call me Bethany and I'll. 308 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,360 So I'm just letting people know who. 309 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,760 Listen. Sorry, Carol, I'll always be 310 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,720 grateful and so grateful that she found Scarlett because she 311 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,400 makes Bethy so happy. That makes me happy. 312 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,160 Well, and I love her. She loves Scarlett, too. 313 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,040 Yeah, we all love you. And then last but not least, 314 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,040 because I don't want to keep you here forever because I know that 315 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,920 this is your worst nightmare, but I do think you're doing 316 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,520 really well. Yeah, but I've also got a glass 317 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,120 of wine to finish so you can. Still drink it? 318 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,360 Can we just? You can drink. 319 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,440 Yeah. All right. 320 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,400 And she is doing really well. Do you know what? 321 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,840 I had to drag her by her hair, her nails, her teeth to get her 322 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,640 into the seat. So I don't want to keep her for 323 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,640 longer than half an hour. The last question is how long 324 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:35,080 did it take you to process your daughter being gay? 325 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,360 Somebody says that her mum is still in complete denial. 326 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,920 So you're talking to this person like her mum is still in 327 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,240 complete denial. She won't believe it. 328 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,760 It didn't take me that long to process it because I'd been 329 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,920 there before. Yeah, basically with her older 330 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,960 sister. I mean, obviously, and she'd 331 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,120 sort of paved the way really for Bethany. 332 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,200 I think at the beginning, you know, I wasn't really sure. 333 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:04,680 I wasn't really sure that this is really what Bethany's, I 334 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,920 don't know how to put it, that that this is what she was going 335 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,360 to be. Is she because she. 336 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,760 Was young and she you know, and said she'd had a boyfriend and 337 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,800 things and it was very. Different to Megan's situation. 338 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,720 Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it became really 339 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,000 clear quite soon on that, that, you know, she, she sort of 340 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,400 really meant that. And I didn't know that she'd had 341 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,520 any kind of struggle about it before. 342 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,320 But then saying it to somebody whose mum is still in denial, 343 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,880 what would you tell them? I think to say that actually, 344 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:39,920 don't worry because your daughter can have the life that 345 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,400 you probably always planned for her. 346 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,680 I remember reading up in a psychology book about what 347 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:52,280 happens when parents have a gay child and they sometimes go into 348 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:57,600 some form of bereavement because of all the hopes and plans 349 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,680 they'd had about their child. You know, the, the daughter 350 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,840 meeting a lovely boy, having the babies. 351 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,359 And I remember thinking, you know, when her older sister came 352 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,480 out and said, Oh my gosh, she won't, she won't do any of those 353 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,720 things. And of course she did. 354 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,920 She is married and she will have a baby and, and hopefully 355 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,800 Bethany will have a baby. And, and you at the beginning 356 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,760 though, you, you go through this phase where you think everything 357 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,680 that you'd brought them up to sort of be, has changed, but 358 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,840 actually it hasn't changed one bit, you know, and, and if you 359 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,600 love them, you just love them for, for who they are and, and 360 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,920 the choices that they've made and keep your relationship 361 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,480 really strong. Don't, don't lose your child. 362 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,560 Yeah, there's no point. Don't lose your child over this 363 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,080 issue because all they need is support. 364 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,200 And they will have all the things that you ever hope for 365 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,160 them love and they will be cherished and they will 366 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,360 hopefully have children. And, you know, life will accept 367 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,760 them and people will accept them. 368 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,360 And nothing really has changed very much at all. 369 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,320 I've just gotten better. And then you just I've just 370 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,760 gotten. Better, I mean, I, Yeah. 371 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:09,000 You make me really proud. Oh, and last but not least, 372 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,040 growing up, did you know anyone who was LGBTQ? 373 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,560 Like anyone from the community? Did you know any gay people when 374 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,360 you're growing up? Or trans or. 375 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,080 When I was growing up, no. But I do remember being asked 376 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:24,720 out once on the telephone by an anonymous gay woman. 377 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,240 You could. Have been very happy Gilly. 378 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,120 Yeah, so I was working, I was working in a Hospital in London 379 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,680 and and they'd managed to get hold of the number in the the 380 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,000 nurses home, which is a very, very nobody, nobody got that 381 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,280 number. I don't know how they found it. 382 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,400 Must have been an insider job I think. 383 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,560 And I. No, you know what? 384 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,520 We know this lesbians will go to their degree. 385 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,840 They'll find it. FBI. 386 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,680 No. And I I was never really sure 387 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,640 because I worked in a gynecological hospital. 388 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,480 Oh God, did you serve her? No. 389 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,000 Well, there was two possibilities. 390 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,160 I was never quite sure who she was because it was anonymous. 391 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,520 Well, she said she was Georgina, but I didn't know who that was. 392 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,040 One, It was either the the lady with the short hair and the 393 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,000 men's shoes that was working in the laboratory where I was doing 394 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:14,560 some study, or this rather, I don't know this woman that I 395 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,000 gave this pubic shave to. And I wasn't really sure about 396 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,280 her reaction to it. I thought that's a bit strange. 397 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,560 So her reaction so, well, I can't really say, but I did 398 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,520 wonder whether anyway, I did say I'm really sorry. 399 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,480 I'm really sorry, but I, I know I'm not gay. 400 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,400 And they went, You're not. I said no, I. 401 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:41,240 Really am not. So well, shaped him up real nice 402 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,520 daddy. Just said, I'm really sorry, but 403 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,040 it was always that mystery person. 404 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,480 I thought, I wonder who that was? 405 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,920 I wonder who? Oh, and I know I did go out with 406 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:49,800 a boy. Rich now. 407 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,400 No, no, I did go out with a boy once. 408 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,960 It was a DJ and a bus driver. I mean, I did sort of didn't 409 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,640 have a lot of standards once. And he, no, he took, no, he took 410 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,720 me along to one of. He was a DJ on a gay night. 411 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,320 Yeah. And I sat there like a 412 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,600 wallflower because neither the guys or the girls. 413 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:08,880 Asked me to dance. Oh. 414 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,920 My God, imagine going to a gay bar and not having anyone hit on 415 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,680 you, Joe. That's what makes me laugh so 416 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,800 much when women are like, I don't want to go to a gay bar 417 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:19,200 because I don't want women hitting on me and then they turn 418 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,480 up and no one hits on them. And you think, why not? 419 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,200 What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? 420 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,080 I know. Anyway, Jilly, I love you. 421 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,600 Thank you so much for doing this. 422 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,800 I really appreciate you doing this because I know that it's 423 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,480 not. I know you hate stuff like this. 424 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,800 Excruciating, I actually think. You've dealt with it really 425 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,080 well, apart from your little hiss at the beginning where you 426 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,720 wanted to walk out. But I do love you and I know 427 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,400 that you've come a long way and I really appreciate all the 428 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,480 things and the way that you are. And you're so nice towards 429 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,160 Scarlett and Whitney. Like in the family, you're the 430 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,800 best. Carry on. 431 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,480 I love you. Do we have to end it here? 432 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,680 Can you? Now you want me to carry on. 433 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,400 You were itching to go away before. 434 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,960 Before I was complimenting you. 5 foot one of pure love. 435 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,080 I love you. Actually 5 foot and half an inch 436 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,000 5. Foot and half an. 437 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:03,800 Inch. I'm drinking. 438 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,520 Oh, we're going to end up sinking some more wine together. 439 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,360 She's going to tell me off of smoking in the garden and then 440 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,200 that'll be our evening really. We will speak to you very soon. 441 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,840 I'm sure that I can try and convince her to come on to 442 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,280 answer some more questions at sometime soon, but I know that 443 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,320 she might want to do. It so don't worry. 444 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:26,840 About it Mum, I've had, I've had hundreds of questions that have 445 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,360 peeped through my phone whilst we've even been doing this 446 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,120 recording so I can actually show you right now just so I can hear 447 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,520 your live reaction of the amount of questions I've just had in 448 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:35,360 hold on. Oh. 449 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,640 My gosh, I couldn't. There's so many all of. 450 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:44,760 Those deserve a good answer. They do, they do, but yes, and 451 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,480 everyone show. The thing is, is that as much 452 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,120 hate as we get in the world, the best thing that we can ever do 453 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,600 is to show compassion. And I think that that's the main 454 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,440 thing that we all have an amazing strength in. 455 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,400 So you carry on giving compassion and understanding and 456 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,160 if you're listening to this and you haven't yet come out or 457 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,160 you're scared or you're going through a bad situation right 458 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,560 now, just know that you have us and we'll speak to Jilly. 459 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,600 Speak to Jilly. I'll give you a phone number. 460 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,320 We love you guys and we'll speak to you next week. 461 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,960 Bye. Go on, Mum, say. 462 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,240 Goodbye, goodbye.