Hello lesbians. Hello lesbians.
Lesbians. I'm joined today.
It is Freya with Farrell. It's Hegarty, right?
Yeah. Is it Irish?
Yes, right. It's a weird name.
It's a double whammy of Weird A. Far Farrell Hegarty.
Yeah, I really like it. FH Farah Hegarty.
Someone will always get it wrong.
Or Pharrell. People say Pharrell all the
time. Yeah, I was.
I did say this is it Pharrell? She's like, like what?
Like Williams? Like Williams?
Yeah. No, no, it's not.
It's never one. It makes me sound cooler though
I think when people say Pharrell.
I think Farrell's cool. Do you?
Thanks, I'll roll with it. No choice.
I'll introduce you. You are an amazing actress.
She's also a content creator as well.
One of us gay and I have I've been following you for a little
while and I've been watching your tick tocks, your reels, and
I'm sure those who are listening and watching right now has also
seen it pop up because everyone does so well and the amount of
your videos that get sent over to me directly as well.
Yeah, all the time. And and so I'm I'm sure that you
guys have already bear witness to barrel.
Good. But if you haven't, then welcome
and thank you so much for coming on barrel.
Thanks for having. Me, yeah, I wanted to, I wanted
to say just first of all, how relatable your videos are.
Oh, thanks. As someone who is quite hectic
in the brain, gay like. Is this me?
Yeah, no, literally over 30s disorganised.
Disorganised. All of this is just like ticking
a box for me and I'm like, yeah, that's brilliant.
Oh, that's genius. The.
Disorganised stuff is I have it's have a rage bait, a
relatability. I'll get messages being like,
this is stressing me out. I've did.
I once filmed my my desktop, yeah, of like the chaos nurse.
And I had like the Sony message being like, can I just come over
to your house and just organise your life?
And I was like, yes, please. It's just, yeah, I'm just one of
those. It's actually quite a good way
to get some like free PA OH. Yeah, and it's not painting.
Can you come over and start out please?
I need. Help Too far.
I'd gone out with my best friend for like a lunch and I was
talking to her about it and I had my laptop on and actually
like audibly gasped. She's like, how do you live like
this? Like, and then The thing is when
you organise it, I can't find anything that's not on my
desktop. So it takes.
So then the organising is a waste.
Why would you do that? I'm just going to have to refind
it all over again now I know my mess.
Thank you. So my mess.
I know it's underneath this file somewhere.
There it is. Oh, I'm like, I'm chaos.
No, but the way that you deliver the relatability is what's so
good about it. I also get so sucked into all
the different characters that you do because I'm watching it
and I'm like fully believing that it's no longer you doing
all the. Sometimes I do watch myself and
I'm like, you know, I am straight man.
Jonathan. That's yeah.
And I've, I was like, because for me, I'm like, OK, in this
scene, I'm going to, you know, be I don't know, man.
And then I just put a hats on. I'm like, I'm lady with glasses
now, just like. And I when I watch some people's
content, they're like, they've got like full wig for like full.
You know, the art department department has gone all out and
I've just put a hat on. You just like put on like a
checkered shirt or you put on like a suit jacket and you're.
Like the girl I film with Jess, I literally go into the room, I
come out as I write different characters now and she's like,
wow, you're unrecognizable. And I've just like put my hair
back. So it's like, ah, glasses.
She was like, do we think non glasses for this?
I was like, I'm thinking that no glasses.
Like sometimes I don't use a different voice.
I'm just like it's fine. But it works.
This is what I'm saying. I don't know how you've managed
to make it work. That's just fine.
I'm. Driving a school train and I'm
like, it's the same voice, just a different look.
If I faced a different way, you'll never know.
Train, I love that. And I was just saying to you
before we were rolling that like I value funny over everything.
So I love the way you're able to just like portray just like
normal day shit, like especially like the train ticket prices,
which I struggle with all the time.
Or, you know, and just find a way to do it and make it and
make it good. Because I've always got these
ideas in my head and then I'm lazy and I don't actually.
Do that. And also it's, it's, it's, it's
work. Sometimes I'm doing that.
I'm like, well, have I written this long idea?
And it's like, you know, I'm, I've got and got myself to
blame. Yeah, I've written this like,
oh, OK, I reckon 5 characters. I've written something for radio
at the minute and I've written and I've put like 6 characters
in and I'm like, why have I done this?
And I've got to play them all. Stretch.
Yourself and. I'm just like never got two
weeks like rehearse it and I'm just and it's my own fault.
Yeah, but I feel like this is good though, because obviously,
I mean, you've been in actress for how long?
Well, I went to drama school, graduated like 2010, so I've
been trying to be an actress for a long time. 2010 Was that
graduated? Was that in London?
Yeah, I went to drama school in London.
How was that? Do you remember I?
Was like BC like I was. I loved it.
When I look back now, I'm like, there were so many things about
it was probably quite problematic.
Yeah. But I was just like la, la, la,
la I I make like met loads of great friends there.
Yeah. Like there, it was a lot of hard
work. It wasn't like normal uni where
I, some of my friends went, oh, you went to a lecture, you know,
for like an hour and then have two days off.
Yeah. We were like, it was like 9 to
half six every day. And if you didn't come, it was
like, where are you? Are you dead?
Yeah, because you have you. Just yeah, Yeah.
And also you got into drama school, which was like, you just
got yourself looking. Yeah.
Definitely. 100% and also you're there was a bunch of thespians,
everyone's thespians and I'm quite keen.
They are, yeah. Keen to impress?
That's a gagging for it. Yeah, yeah.
I imagine how they feel though, the ones that are like that, you
know, when you hear those stories of like, just like
working in a, in a cafe and then this director just came up to me
and I bet they're. Not I've been in my like
audition for like 4 years on the trot to get in or they'd be like
been like trying for ages or, or got in a bit later, which was
then like 24, but that was like oh, you're an older student, 20.
40 God, I remember that. Yeah.
Yeah, and so you've been mainly soap.
So you've been like Coronation Street and also Emmerdale as
well as I? Did an episode of Emmerdale.
Yeah. I mean, it was in the crossover.
In the crossover, yeah. It was like 2014.
I just had like one app where I was someone's one night stand.
I just had a scene where I just was in in the kitchen in the
morning and she was like, who are you?
And I was just like and then walked off.
I'd like 2 lines. Fantastic breakthrough.
That's And then how did you get onto Coronation Street?
Do they see you after the one night stand?
They were like, yes, yes, get that one night stand slagging,
get her in like yeah, no, just on you send like, well, nowadays
you send a self tape off and then and also you don't really
think anything of it because you do you do so many auditions.
You just like, I never get my hopes up.
I'm like, you know, people are like, oh, I manifested this.
I'm the opposite. I'm like, I'm like, Nah, I won't
get it. And then they're not always
pleasantly supply prize if something comes up.
Yeah, so and then you go for a screen test.
So on the screen test day, they they put you up because it was
for a new couple. And so they put you up with like
it was like 5 girls, 5 boys. And so you went in and like read
with. So I was there.
You saw it, saw your competition.
Oh, when I never run up. So then you go in and do a whole
screen test like on set, which is quite scary.
That is no. Full scene, obviously like
people. And your competition is that
they're watching it, too. Yeah, or they don't watch.
But they were good. You don't see how people do but
do. You know what though?
So brutal. But why do I want it like to
have to sit there and watch them?
You'd have loved drama school auditions.
Loads of drama school auditions were like that.
Oh yeah, no, I did. I did drama at school and I did.
You were like, Lap just got no competition in me.
Yeah, you know, you go through. I'd always got first.
Well, get it done, get it done. I just thought I was the dog
Spollocks because I got a role as the lion in the Motown
version of the Wizard of Oz. It was called the Wiz.
Yeah, I know the Wiz. I was in a like an amateur
production when I was like total me.
Oh, I was like ensemble. Oh, I was like, I was the lion,
actually. So I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, don't brag, but I was
like, I was like a background person 3.
Yeah, no #3 yeah. The lion that's big.
It was a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal.
I made it a big deal. I made it A1.
Problem in it like no it's on my TV.
It's honestly one of the best things I've ever fucking done.
But Joy, tell everyone, yeah, I'm going to say footage.
I'm. Going to say it was on
somewhere. It was going to dig that up.
What? I think it was like 20.
I'd say like 2009. OK, I reckon, but someone.
Got it. Somewhere they some home camera?
Yeah, in somewhere. In a dusty shelf somewhere.
My mum is going to watch this and be like got in.
It Yes, it's under the bed. Yeah, in the shoe box.
No, it was bad, but I used to love acting.
But then I was I was more into music, so I was like trying to
go down more of the music route and all that.
Yeah, whatever. I mean, I just, I was like,
what's going to make me no money?
Music drama. Music drama.
Oh, you know, and. Someone was, I was working in a
restaurant and she was like, oh, were you an I was telling about
being an actress. It was like the owner's wife or
something. She said, oh, did you go into
that because you want to be rich?
I was like, you're on drugs, right?
And no one goes into like you hope to maybe one day earn a bit
of money. Like my first job was for £150
and I was like, Oh my God, guys, you can't.
We couldn't afford to eat. Most actually.
I knew like you scrimp and say like there's no money in it
until you're in something and even then like.
Yeah, and even then they're a bit like, oh, but actually Jacob
Belaudi is in this and he's getting paid five millisecond up
on the budget. So you, how much you?
Want do you put away? Yeah.
Like. It's happy for the experience.
Yeah, I'm just happy to be here. Like, oh, I think yeah, people
are a bit. Sometimes I think people are a
bit naive, just like stuff like that.
Like, because it is like a job enactor is a thing, like, and
also you kind of get one role. I've got to know so many of my
friends that have like been doing amazing, amazing things.
Like was on the West End or then they went and did a big show and
did it. And then in the summer comes and
they're like, oh, I'm just back working in an ice cream bar,
which he's like, there's nothing wrong with that.
But people are like, oh, oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm like bitch I need. To survive, people need to
survive, that's the thing. And also, you might be earning,
you know, 50 grand in six months, but then there might be
two years we haven't worked actually.
Like that doesn't even match. Do the baths on that mate, do
you know what I mean? So it's like.
Yeah. So what like talking about that?
What's your now current kind of situation then within acting
you? Did you leave Coronation Street?
So I was in it for six months and then my character went to
prison. Prison sheet.
I mean, I love it. From one night stand to prison.
I know. You do it so well.
I was like, is that an uphill climb or is that?
Do more of you just in prison. Well, I was like, so that they
call me back and they were like, we're going to do a prison
storyline, which he's just finished airing.
And I in my head, I was like prison storyline.
I was like, am I going to be in bad girls?
I was like, am I? I was like, I'm thinking, you
know, do you remember bad girls? I do remember bad girls.
I've like a lot of stuff went on.
I was like, I imagine I was like, they're going to call me
back. You gonna see me back in prison?
I've like gonna be hanging off the handkerchief of like the
Butch girl who like runs the prison.
You're not gonna be the Butch girl, because that would be a
really funny turn. She's six months and she's like.
She's a big. Boob, she's orange.
Is the new black. Yeah, yeah, yes.
You're running ship. Yeah, she's got a few tattoos.
Yeah, she's just like, bad bitch.
Yeah. I was like, I had all these
ideas. They were like, no, it's not.
It's not that storyline. I was like, OK, well I mean my
character is super straight to be fair.
OK, well, we need to start a petition.
I'm sorry. She's so straight, she's in
prison. So many.
Hello. How many happens?
Yeah, I might. I might pitch it.
I was like, look, we're going to bring come back to prison.
There's a few things I want to put written into my contract
that I think need to happen. Scissoring, yeah.
Like at Farrell, it airs at 7:30.
Like listen, it's called Give the people what they want.
It's called equality. Yeah.
Sorry, I don't know what to say. And so you're playing straight
characters. I see.
Did you have to do that in your real life as well?
I want to know a little bit about your your queer
experience. Is it bad?
It sounds bad by the cough that you just.
Well, it's a set up for this one.
I need to take it in, take a breath and like, really settle
into my emotions. Yeah.
I mean, I dated, I guess mainly men for quite a long time.
I think I had AI had a girlfriend when I was 1516.
Oh wow. So yeah.
I was like in the mix of it, yeah.
And then then after that, I sort of don't know what happened
really. I'm really good friends with my
first girlfriend. She's like, what happened?
And I'm like, sorry, she was like, was it me?
Like it's not your fault. I can't blame you for the and
then like sort of dated like I stayed women and men.
And then I think when we never, it never happened.
I think I looked back and I was dating like the people that I
don't I think we're from. I just it didn't just didn't
work. Yeah.
So you went through this, this period of life where you were
dating both sexes. So were you just saying that you
were bisexual? But I think no, yeah.
So I was bisexual. I was out by for like a long
time. And then I got with someone, I
got with a guy. And then we, it's because I
really, I don't really speak about this on my channel at all.
And I've only spoke about it once.
But so we were together for six years and we got married.
So I'm divorced but we were married for six months, which in
my head sounds really bad but at the time it felt like a lot.
Oh my God, first of all, divorced.
Hot. I'm a divorcee.
Yeah, right. So you were married for six
months. How long were you together
before? It sounds so bad.
I was like in my that's what I say.
I was like, I'm basically like a Kardashian.
I don't know if you've heard everyone's like, you know, but I
like it's got to the point now where I like kind of own being a
divorcee. I quite like.
It I think it's. Like I'm divorced and like I see
myself when I'm older. Like talking about it like with
like pearls and like a fur jacket with like a long
cigarette holding like my second marriage.
Yeah, I think everyone should get divorced once.
Just try and give it a go. You know how it goes.
The first have a. Nice day.
Yeah, it's always been like great wedding, not so great
marriage, but yeah, it just. How long were you together
before you got married? Six years.
Oh, OK, that was six years and six months.
There's a theme going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Was like any working sixes. OK, How old are you?
When you got married? Oh God, how old am I now
30313132? You were 3132 when you got
married. Yeah, so this wasn't going to
go. I got divorced at the start of
22. OK.
So it's been four years. OK, this is pretty exciting for
me. Yeah.
So I'm just trying to like wind it back.
So what kind of wedding was it? Was it like a big?
Wedding. It was big.
Yeah. Big, big yeah.
I had a great dad, great time. Just didn't.
I've got the fear. Be listening, sorry.
I just didn't, yeah, it just didn't wasn't good.
It wasn't great. But The thing is, from
experience of talking to people, I feel like they want me to be
like, oh, you were gay and that's why you got divorced.
And I was like, I don't think that's what happened.
I think I got divorced because of miserable and I didn't have a
great time. It was not fun.
It was really, really hard. And then when we broke up, I was
like, right, OK, ready to start dating again.
Who do I want to date? Is it?
And I was like, in my head I was like, right, I'm bi, so I date
men and women and then men just never happened.
And then the idea of ever being with a man again just makes me
feel like I'm on the nemesis, like.
This can happen, right? And I think the worst thing,
from what I can kind of understand of like what you've
been through on that, though, is how people will invalidate your
experience of that being a shitty marriage.
Yeah, if that makes sense. Yeah.
Because then they're like, no, it wasn't.
You're just gay. And I think that would be very
frustrating for me to. Hear.
Yeah, well, I think this is what happened because everyone's
like, oh, like, oh, you left because you were gay.
And I'm like, but like, I didn't leave because I I left because
I'm happy. But don't get me wrong.
Look, I've looked back now and there's so many things that I
did and said and thought about in that situation where I was
like, oh, that's like, I think I blamed a lot of my thoughts of
being bi. I think also maybe just the
signs were there, and I think that they're really, really
difficult to see when we've grown up in such a
heteronormative society. Yeah, you know, and there is
that level of indoctrination there in a sense.
And I also do think that I think we're like a similar age.
I'm 32 now. Like the world was very
different when we were growing up.
There is definitely more representation now, still not
enough, but more than there ever was.
So I think it's really, really difficult.
I think as well what we kind of knew as lesbians were the types
of Ellen, Rosie, O'Donnell, etcetera, that were very like
lesbian, right? And, and you know that, you
know, the thought of sleeping with a man or something would
utterly repulse them. And This is why I try and say on
here, it's not that black and white.
It's not the fact that it's absolutely disgusting and
vulgar. That's that doesn't mean that
you're not not gay if you don't feel that way when you're
sleeping with them. Does that make sense?
But but it's about actually having a connection with a woman
and that deeper love. And there is definitely, I mean,
I would say would would suspect that there's more desire there,
etcetera. But it's not about being like
utterly repulsive. It's just like something just
isn't right. Right, Yeah.
And it's been difficult from coming out of it as well.
I think that because from dating women and I did have like some
difficult experiences of like I didn't realise how hard it would
be for some people to date someone who's had so much of A
past with men or with one man or stuff like that.
It's almost like this like how, how can you do that and then be
be this like, I don't trust that.
There's a lot of trust issues there.
And I didn't think that because I was like guys, I in my head, I
was like, I'm a sure bet I but I just landed whole mountain like
I did just like dip my toe in. I went in.
You were dedicated. I was dedicated and I'm still
here being like, I don't want any of that.
Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, guys, for somebody,
believe me, I was. Like I'm a sure bet guys, I
don't want to go back to my life.
So like dating, I thought was like difficult, as I said
before, it was like this thing of I found a lot of it was how
could you not know from, you know, I've got friends that or
people, people were like, oh, I knew since I was 8.
How do you not know that? I knew since I was 10 or
whatever and I was like, I'm not you.
I'm not a. Fucking competition.
No, I'm like, and it I found that really difficult because
I've got so many queer mates who came out at, you know, 1617 and
have, you know, being queer all the life and they don't have the
same thought as as people are dated.
They were just like, what? Why does it matter?
Like date you're on a date like does if you came out yesterday.
I don't care that as long as there's a connection or
whatever. It's like a journey for
everyone. Like everyone's experience is so
entirely different. Like I know I'm categorically so
fucking gay. It's actually getting a bit
outrageous, right? But I used to sleep with men and
I used to be with men. Just because that happened does
not in any way invalidate me or my queerness or whatever.
Just fucking let them as well. Like just say what you fucking
want. Be like, yeah, all right, all
right. But then when you are actively
trying to date though that must have been annoying because
you're like why would I lie as? Well, and I just, yeah, it was
difficult. Like I remember my first date.
I think I'd been like single like 8 months.
I was like, right, I'm ready. I'm only going to go on a date
now. I'm On this date.
It was someone absolutely lovely and like she's we kind of still
a bit in contact and she was great.
And she's only really happy relationship now and we bonded
over like she'd come out at like 32 and and then I was coming out
of this marriage. So we were bonded over like
Arabic at the list of rejection. We'd she was like, just like
people don't want to date me because I've like, I'm new here.
But I was like, it took me a long time and I'm sorry and, but
it's funny because I don't want people to hear this and like
think about like coming out and be scared of it because I was
like, for one person who doesn't want to date you, there's like
1000 people who were just like. Not you are like, I don't care
where you come from. I don't care what your back
story is. Yeah.
Like if I like you, I like you and that's it is that should be
all that. Literally.
It really is that simple. And if someone doesn't want to
date you, like I've always like let them.
And I, I think I learned that the hard way.
I should have just, I went dating someone and it was
difficult and I should have just been like, oh, this is not you
don't want me. Instead of like being a bit of a
beg. I think as well, like totally
right. It's like either you like me or
you don't. Yeah, I just, I couldn't care,
you know, and and that is the thing when you're getting to
know somebody, that part should be then completely irrelevant.
And but what it does all come down to though, is insecurity.
So you know that that person that's initially got a problem
with you for being with a man before they're going to be a
fucking night time for? That I always think I'm, like,
listening to a conversation like this is because you're insecure.
But I can't say that word to you.
Yeah, I'm like, OK, we'll work on this.
Let's talk it through. Like that Sounds like a you
problem, yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a you
problem. Again, I'm like how do I reword
this so it sounds nicer? But if it's something that you
can't change, you can't change your past, it's not ever
something that you should apologise for or have to grovel
for. I have to.
Prove. Yeah.
And I think I learned that as well, 'cause I think coming out
of it, I feel like I was like, Oh my God, you need to like
delete all this. I raise this, not talk about
this, not, not do this, like, you know, not address it.
And I'm like, but that was a part of my life.
And I am a bit like, well, I didn't get here without doing
all that. As much as you might not like
it. Like I'm a hard Rd.
I mean, I went, yeah, I went, I went reverse back.
Bumped into a few posts. They're like actually accepting
that yourself though. Was there like a moment or?
Like it was talking of like a slow burn.
I remember since I was with my friend when I was about dating
again, I was like, right, I think I'm ready to start dating
again. I remember saying to me, she was
like, when are you dating again? Are you what are you looking
for? Are you looking for men and
women? And I was like, I don't think
I'm going to date men. I just think I'm going to date
women. And she looks at me.
Shrem, It's obviously your choice, but Shrem, you know
you're gay, right? And I was like, Oh my.
God, I love that. And she went, obviously you can
if you want. And I went, I don't want to.
She went, I know you don't want to.
And I don't know why you're even like even slightly contemplating
it because like you don't want to she.
Was just like you. Just really.
Don't want to do she just got back.
I mean, I've noticed since I was 16.
So she was like, you do know? No, but that's a good friend.
Yeah, that's a really good. She was like, I don't want to
see you have a man again. I was like, I don't even.
Do you think that you kind of like pushed the bisexual thing
for longer because of that? Like did you struggle ever
coming to? Town, I think, you know, comp
compare yeah Oh my God, I relate to that so much when I read
about it. So I was like came up on Tiktok
and I was like, what is this? And then I was like, there was a
girl like explaining that I was like, Oh my God, this is, I
relate to that so much of like feeling like, I remember being
like in my early 20s and I'd gone on a date, a dating this
girl went on like 5 dates or something.
And I remember having this feeling of like, well, it
doesn't matter because I, I will end up with you.
And I had this thing of like, you'll marry a man, you will be
with a man. And I think if I'd have sat in
it or been a bit, or that would have happened in my 30s, I
probably would have sat with it a bit more and be like, but is
this what you want? Or is this what you think other
people want for you? Or like, you know, there's all
that thing of like when a man finds you attractive, it's
almost like this psychological thing you've like, oh, maybe do
I your validation or like, do I fancy him back?
And it's like, do you fancy him back?
You probably didn't. You just like the attention a
bit. Or like this feeling of like,
well, we've been taught like we, we like to feel liked or
something, rather than being like, actually, I fancy you make
Claire so. Claire's Claire.
Yeah. Is Claire single or something?
No, but it is true. I remember doing that for so
long. Like I remember wanting to get
that validation from men even though I wasn't interested in
them at all. Like I do not categorically want
to sleep with you, but do I want you to want to sleep with me?
That's fucking and now I'm like, I can just block out because I
think I think it takes some time to really remove that though.
That took me so long to actually I had to like brainwash myself
to be like, OK, because it is just always fed into like if you
think about it every single day, like Disney movies or it's like
having the Prince that's rescuing and any film, like
literally any kind of like content that you would consume.
Miss magazine. Oh.
My God, I don't like sugar. Yeah, I was like I was make the
guy like you in 10 easy steps. I know.
You're 14, well, your shortest shirt, and you're like.
Get your tits out. Yeah, I'm 12.
Yeah. Yeah, remember the push up brows
as well. I used to wear I.
Used to have one of those that pulled together.
Did you? Yeah.
I had a wonder bra that like pulled together.
I got pictures of me like going to like an underage night and I
was like 14. I was like, I look like an
absolute hurt. Yeah.
Oh, and now I'm like, I wanna
wear the comfortable shoes. Yeah, I I like fall on like what
would we go around snogging boys and we talk about how many boys
would. And now I'm like, what was
what's that about? And also I look back, this is
like for every session as well. I've evaluated like every IA Lot
of the guys that I dated was because I found out they liked
me first. Do you know me?
And I'm like the validation thing.
I'm like, oh, so and so fancies you.
You know, I'm like, oh, cool, let's give him a go.
Let's date for three months. Even though you don't want to
get married, let's get married. Oh, gosh, Bless him.
Oh, God. Yeah.
But. You've come out the other end,
I've come out the other end and you have a lovely girlfriend as
well. How long have you guys been
together? 2 1/2 years.
Well done. It's 50 years in lesbian years.
It's. 50 years, It's 100 when you're a long distance.
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about this because lesbians we
all know. It so gay, isn't it?
We all know long distance so well, so well.
It's like a rite passage. You're like having to tick all
the boxes as soon as you came out of that.
My mate was like, I remember she said to me she was like, I've
been gay since I was 16 and I've done some gay shit but this is
the gayest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, it's deep. It's deeply gay because not only
is she long distance, she's also long distance Australia, right?
She's in Australia, everyone's like where she is.
It like Edinburgh, long distance like I wish a car journey.
I've got 2424 hours on a grand and a half later.
So I had to know how did this start so.
It gets gayer. We met outside Manchester Pride
at 1:00 AM outside Vanilla Bar. Right, that'll do it.
Manchester is already gay enough.
Tick. Vanilla bar, tick.
Pride tick. My.
She's Australian. Tick.
That's also is she Australian? She, no, she's originally from
Stafford, but she's, she's lived there for quite a long time.
She's lived there about 10 years.
OK, all right, so talk me through it.
So you met her outside of a club, my friends?
I went to your Manchester Pride and my mates, a gay couple, I
think everyone's going home and they were like, we'll take you
to where the lesbians are because I've never been to
Manchester Pride before. This way it's like followers are
like, right, take us to the lesbians.
And there is literally a corner of Manchester Pride where all
the lesbians just stand. And I was like, because you go
through and it's just like a mixture of everyone and then you
just get to this corner. All of a sudden it's just a flux
of flux of women. I was like, oh, hey, guys, it's
like, and you just have to and everyone knows everyone because
we've gone the year after as well.
And this everyone's like, oh, hey, how you doing?
Oh, yeah. And like everyone's like the X
is X is X. It's so incestuous.
I'm just like, but we walked past each other and I would say
it's quite romantic. But then in my head I'm like,
well, we just really, really drunk.
And we just actually walked past each other.
And as we walked past, we kind of like half pumped shoulders
and we grabbed each other's hands from behind and then
turned and we both did this weird like, no, none of us had
had was brave enough to speak. So we just stared at Shivan just
went. And I think she said that my
first line was you're hot. Are you single?
It's real poetry. That is really.
That's real. Yeah, that's going to do it.
So that would work on me. You're hot.
Are you single? Straight in there?
It's 1:00 AM. Show me.
It's 1:00 AM I was out. Probably levered.
I actually really like the hand, I think.
I don't think that is like a gay thing, a gay thing, a drunk
thing. Yeah.
I think maybe looking at each other for a little bit before
speaking was probably a bit of like both gay and drunk.
Just. I've had that though as well.
You know, when you're like, you think someone's really
attractive and all of a sudden I.
Just say it. All the call has gone out the
window though for me. That's the thing.
I will say it, but I did not in a, not in a call, no.
It wasn't. It's like, hey, have you had A
and I had nothing, had nothing. You're hot.
It's like in a drunk, he's not of an accent as well.
You're single love. It's like someone's dad, like,
oh God. Did you give it your phone back?
Put. Your number on there like give
it like a tissue kissed it. What happened after that?
Was she like? I remember just like, I remember
she was with two friends and you know, you're like trying to
gauge the situation of like. And also she, I would say this
afterwards, she gives nothing away.
So I was like, I don't know if you're like instantly in love
with me or you hate my guts. I don't know.
She's because she's she's like, I'm no a diversion.
I can't know what I'm doing. And so she we just sort of
stared at each other. I was like, So what you what you
do? We had no chat.
It was so bleak. And then we stopped numbers and
then I went back to my friends because you know, you're like, I
don't want to just hang out with you and your mates because you
could be like, what you doing here?
Don't be a don't be a latch. So I went back to my friends and
I remember my friends were like, what are you still doing here?
Why aren't you talking to the hot girl?
I was like, I can't ditch my mates.
I'm not that sort of person. And they were like, fuck off, we
don't care. And it was like, we've been
together. They've been together 10 years.
I'm like, we want to go home and have a cup of tea.
We don't want to be here. We're just here for you.
And I was like, oh, I'm like, oh, we're going to go home now.
I was like, oh, where's she gone?
So they're like, don't find her. And anyway, I just, I left and I
was like, I'm just going to go home.
And there's a point where I was just like, why are you going to
go home when you know you have that?
I had the beer. Yeah, like I.
Can do this. So I just text her and I
remember I had to go out and find signal because there's no
signal because obviously there's only people there.
So I stood on the street for ages trying to get signal acting
real cooler. Hey, I was just hanging out for
a drink. I wasn't.
Meanwhile, you're like this. I was stood on the street corner
waiting for single, like waiting for the dots as she's typing.
I was like, oh, maybe if you want to have a drink tonight,
like we could hang out. I think I told her I was like,
yeah, we swept about. I was like, no, I went.
I was actually standing on the street corner waiting for you to
text you back or I was gonna go home.
You've uploaded like a story that's like you and your
friends, Amelia being like still going.
Yeah, really just stood on your own.
I was like, like a pride and. This is adorable.
Though I was like, well, I'm only it's like now or never,
because also she told me at that point that she lived in Sydney.
So I was like, this is not going to go anywhere.
But I was like, let's hang out. And her and her friends had gone
to this bar in the Northern Quarter, which it was a
straightest bar. I was like, it's pride.
There's like gays everywhere and we're surrounded by there was I
remember there was a we were sat talking and there was a man sat
next to us and this woman was like straddling him, snogging.
I was like, where are we she? Was really turned on by all
those gay men in like the hot pants and the lesbians walking
around. She's like, coming.
Hey, Jonathan. I was like, it was weird because
we talk about it now and we, we kind of were like quite awkward
with each other. Her friends said to I can't
believe you spoke to someone because she was like, I never
speak to anyone. Like the idea of speaking to
someone. So the I think I was drunk
enough that I was quite brave speaking to you.
And then we spent three weeks together.
Wow, all that is Joe. What just gets gayer and gayer,
doesn't it? Three weeks not even leave.
Well, she had three weeks left of her trip, so I was like, well
come and stay with me in London and then do this and do that and
we just spent the whole time. Actually, that is cute.
OK. And then she then goes back over
to Sydney. How are you now maintaining this
and like, how are you finding it?
Do you have any tips for the lesbians that are in long
distance relationships? Like that's a, that's a hefty 1.
It was, I think at the beginning it was kind of like we're just
going to see how it goes. And I was like, should I go out
and see? I was like, well, I may as well
see like if this is something. And I was just like, oh, do you
know what? I'm going to just book a flight.
Luckily I was quite freelance at the time, so if I knew if I had
a nine to five job, it wouldn't have worked.
No, I think it worked because I was working like 2-3 days a week
and I could tight that time off. I think if you had a nine to
five job you couldn't. No.
So like the trick is quit your job.
Yeah, quit your job. Go freelance.
That's only a way you can make it work.
I flew out in the over Christmas.
We met in the August and then I flew out in the Christmas.
And yeah, on the third day I was like, well, I'm in trouble.
Yeah, that's what this is going to be.
It's when you're out there, yeah, 'cause that will do it,
'cause then you're in their space.
Yeah, and it's like Suns out. Yeah.
Like, that's doing all these fun things on the beach and like,
hey, gay. Go hold hands and skip on the.
Beat, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I'm in trouble
there. And then he just carried on.
But there was always an end game.
I think with long distance you have to have an end game. 100%,
yeah. Because I think it was just
like, oh, we're just going to do long distance forever.
I think I'd have been like, I can't do this.
When did you decide like an end game though?
Because I feel like you can't set that straight away.
Before I, when she went back the first time, like after I like 3
week fling, yeah, she'd was like, I've always thought about
moving back to the UK. I'm just waiting to wait for my
passport because I've got, I can get 2 passports because I've
been there that long and then I'm going to come back.
So she like planted the seed. Wow, you're like I love you.
How long did it take you until you said I love you?
I said it when she came over this a second time, so like 6
months maybe technically, but technically this is only like
the second date because we had like a three-week date, a
three-week date and then do you know what I mean?
No. But you find that I think long
distance relationships as well, they can be more, I think
they're more intense than we. Had a lot of phone talking.
Yeah, because you you are forced to communicate a lot more.
This is. Why?
I think it's like because when you think you get into a
relationship and also like when it's the beginning and you just
like get into it, you go out and do fun things, you have loads of
sex and then all of a sudden you're like, I've been in this
weeks and I know nothing about you, but I know what you look
like naked. And that's all I need.
It's great. But with this I, we just had so
much time where we're like, right, OK, we actually have to
like we were just having phone conversations.
We knew so much about each other.
So then when we do see each other, it's like we always worry
that he's going to tell he's like an old married couple
because we just, we haven't got this like.
Five. I don't know.
I think, I think it's really fun.
Like, I remember I was in my first ever lesbian relationship.
Was a long distance 1. Long distance.
Yeah, it was Brazil. Oh wow.
Yeah, I mean, I'm like, oh wow, Sydney, wow, I.
Mean it was 11 hour flight so like it was still pretty long.
Half the time. Half the time still, yeah, I
know. And I was like 19.
I was in that relationship for a few years and.
Was there an end game? No, yeah.
And I was just so young too. Like, I wasn't really thinking,
would you ever move? Would you?
Did you contemplate moving to? Brazil.
I did, yeah. I actually, it was so weird.
I was working for Joe Malone at the time and I was like, they've
got an office that they're opening up over in Sao Paulo,
blah, blah. And I was like, I actually went
and spoke to one of them. And then I think they realized
pretty quickly I couldn't speak any fucking Portuguese but
English, but English, yeah. And I really, I, I thought for a
second I wouldn't. And I would have genuinely have
loved to have lived there. To be fair.
I loved it there. But there's just so many things
at play. And it's very scary, especially
when you're that young. Like, I just didn't.
And I also just didn't know myself.
Like, I wasn't out either. Like, there was just loads of
different things that that came to it.
And my girlfriend now, she lives in Barcelona.
So that's a very quick long distance.
Yeah. Which is like not too bad.
That you could have done that. Barcelona.
Yeah. Well, no, he doesn't.
Now. Yeah, now.
Yeah. Oh, so you're in long?
Distance, yes, yeah, but not nowhere near as long as yours.
But then I feel like hearing my story might make you be like,
it's not that far two hours. I would like I.
Really don't think it's far, I'm genuinely like no two hours is
nothing and also she comes over like pretty much every week for
work anyway so I'm like oh but it doesn't really feel like.
And also, if you think about it, if A2 hour flight you, if
someone lived in Scotland, it would be the same amount of
yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just because it's
like a different country. They're like that.
I I do think that that is nicer to kind of have that connection
a little bit more like over communication.
And it is really fun, like when you see each other again and
have that. Oh yeah.
I also think it stops that like crazy.
U-Haul, like the next level U-Haul that like a lot of
lesbians do get into really. Really easily.
She's not that sort of person anyway.
Yeah. She's like, this is the this is
this is the biggest thing she's been in since junior, I think.
Yeah, but she's and it's weird to me because she talks about
herself. She's like like this is unheard
of for me because I'm just like, no, I'm not your commitment foe.
But I just don't see that side of it because I think sometimes
if you meet someone that you just get on with.
Yeah, yeah, You're like, I can't imagine you being any other way.
Being like avoidant. Yeah.
And I was like, I bet you were. You know, I don't.
I can't imagine that side of someone, but like, it's just
like anything. I can always, I would say like
you, you can be someone completely different in the
relationship before 100. Someone's like, Oh my God, that
person's like really avoided. I'm like, no, they were just,
they can be just avoided with some person or they can be like
really clingy or whatever. Yeah, and also different, like
attachment styles can like, trigger other ones.
So if someone's like, really anxious, then it's gonna trigger
an avoidant, you know? Yeah, massively.
So, yeah, it depends on who you're with, like what the
situation is. It can always just like vary.
And I think that's what works best if you're doing on this
distance because you have to have that bit of secure stuff
because you don't want people to do it.
I'm like, oh, like I'll bring in.
She's like, oh, I'm out with these people, like people and
I'm like kill. And she's really like, I
couldn't deal with because I've had it before in the past where
like who, who you out with? I'm like, do you want me to name
everyone on the table? They're all boring.
Take a photo, send it to there's.
Like 17 people from work that I don't know know this guy.
She's new. I can't handle my friends.
I cannot handle jealous or controlling.
Like those are the two things that I'm like, this is just too
much of me. Like there is obviously like a
natural bit of jealousy that I do think that just happens in
like relationships when you love someone.
There is that, but like real jealousy and like controlling.
I'm like, oh this is rough but that's why I don't want to be
like. You know, but you get, I feel
like when you get into those relationships, you don't realise
it's happening until you're like so far.
And because I've been in like relationships like that when I'm
like, Oh my God. And you don't like I, I was in
something that was like I had, I had, I had rules, but they were
rules, rules that were like overshadowed.
These are my boundaries. And I'm like, I look back now.
I'm like, no, no, they were, they were rules.
Yeah. Because like, you can't, you you
can't deripies. Yeah, yeah.
Like these are boundaries. I'm like, I look back, I'm like,
they were rules. Like you can't do this or
something. But I was like, oh, OK.
It's not. OK, To ever control somebody
like that, Like, why do people feel like once they're in a
relationship with somebody that they genuinely own them?
They're like, no, this is my dog now, and I'm you.
You must obey everything that I have to say.
But it happens all the time. And I'm thinking, where is this
coming from? No, I was.
I was actually talking to someone like a girl that I'd met
really recently and I don't know much about her drinks Friday
night and she was there and she was having difficulty with her
boyfriend. And I was a level of drunk where
I just went in. I was like, I don't know you and
I don't know him, but I'm going to tell you now.
You need to get out. I.
Was like get out. Get out now.
I was like, he's never going to change.
She's like, well, he does this, he does this.
He won't let me see my he has to.
I was like, you have to give a list of every single friend
you're with. She had to give her every single
friend she was with. Acting, kissing, screen kisses.
They're both actors. I was like, but you have to
kiss. Because you're an actor not
allowed to kiss on screen. No, but he's also an actor.
What the fuck? I was like, but that's you're an
actor. And also if you can't deal with
that, don't date an actor. But you're also one, so you have
to kiss people anyway. And like, yeah, it's not nice.
But as a partner, you just say don't watch it.
No, my partner, I've had to snog boys on Corrie and she's just
like is OK, I just don't wanna watch that episode.
Fine, babe. Yeah, I get that.
You don't wanna see me snogging a man.
Fine, absolutely. Fine, I don't want to see that.
Yeah, I'm like, I did that. Yeah.
But like, absolutely fine. But like you can't come for me
because it's like your job. I'm not going to turn up to set,
but like Page 3 of the script. No, that's right.
Vital to the story. I don't want to do it.
I'm like. Get a double in.
It ain't me, not my lips.
Like what you gonna do when I'm on sex education?
I've got her like, get the baps out and have a rhyme.
Do you know what I mean? She can't do this thing.
Am I? You can't.
So anyway, I I went in, I'd had a drink.
I was like, listen, I don't owe him anything.
Yeah, dump the chump. Yeah, as you should.
I think more people people should do that in all honesty
because I think sometimes it takes being told by someone,
even a total stranger that's like objectively this is fuck to
what's going. On here also friends don't do
that because when I was in something not it was it was
toxic. My friends, like they're just,
they're just quiet. A little things like, I mean,
this doesn't sound great. Like are you OK?
And just little things like that because you can't go in.
Because they know that it will just usually push the person
further. Toxic partner.
And then they're like, yeah, and then you have no one.
Yeah, yeah. So that's almost what they want
as well. And I'd started to like, I
didn't mean to at the time, but I'd started to like, choose that
person over friends just because I was told that that's what I
should be doing because you're not putting me first.
And for you it was just easier than kind of always getting in
trouble. Yeah, well, I just.
Can't be asked to the argument. I was always in trouble.
Yeah. So I was in trouble so.
And then then it's my friends were like, well, you've just
you've blown us off and I'm like, I can't make 2 sets of
people happy and all like this is so and it shouldn't be like
that it. Should be like like that.
If you're listening to this and this is your relationship, get
get. Out.
Get out. Get out.
Joe Yeah, leave right now. It's like what I said to this
girl the other day. I was like, it won't get better
because you're already in it and you've already set the rules of
what your relationship is. And I went, what I bet you're
doing is this. I was like, now you've started
to slightly lie to him because you are at the pub.
We've seen people that he knows. You're I was like, you're going
to get more shit. And then you're saying, oh,
you're not at the pub even though you are because.
And then he's like, you've lied to me.
So then you look bad because you're the lighter, but you've
only lied to them because you know that being at the pub is
not acceptable. Which is bullshit because you're
allowed to go to the fucking pub.
You're mates. Oh my God, you're allowed to be
anywhere. Honestly, it feels it's that's
hell, that is hell that if I if there is a hell.
That's and I know my partner should be like hey babe where
are you? I'm like the pub of some mates.
Oh cool, hell have time. Bye.
See you tomorrow. Yeah, literally.
That's, that's how it should be like.
It's insane. And it's like the easy thing I
mean. Well, I'm glad that you found
someone now that she's like, respects you and yeah, she's.
A breeze in my life. And do you feel like there's any
kind of like cons to long distance or do you feel like
they're kind of battled? I mean, just not being with our
first dance might. Be yeah, it's Oh my God, I have
bad days where I'm just like, why are you here?
It's normally like the lead up to my period, which that's never
unheard of. Luteal has been fucking.
Dead. Yeah.
Before your period, that moment,
right? Like a week or two weeks before,
but it manages to get me every single month without me
realising that that's what it is.
What is that about? I'm like why am?
It's like I'm here again. I'll convince myself that it's
not that. Yeah.
Oh, well, I've just gone fully suicidal, actually.
That's what I get. Like, I get like, life is not
worth living anymore. This is awful.
Everything's shit. The sky is great.
Like it's like, it's great. I get to the point where I don't
know what my girlfriend's like. Are you?
Do 1 babe, I'm like, no, it's
not about that. She's like you do you want.
I'm like yes, I am, but it's nothing to do with these are my
real feeling. I am valid.
She's like, OK. See, it's managed to help me
now, like sussing out whether it's because I'm doing my
period, I'll go. No, I was like, I know because
I'm like due on because I think before I was really spiralling
thinking, oh, now I'm getting to the dark space again, you know?
And like if you've ever suffered with any like mental health
problems, like having a moment like that can sometimes be a
little bit triggering because you're like, am I going back
into that depressive spiral? I can't be arsed.
Don't have the time for it, you know.
Things have got. Shit to do.
I literally got upset the other day for like, for like an hour
and I cried and I was like wasting my morning.
Now it's more like, this is my day to be productive.
I've taken an hour of every time because I've had a SOB.
Yeah, but I was like, you know, I love doing that to do the
thing you have the SOB. Let's have the SOB.
And especially when you clearly have like a very busy brain, I
feel like it's probably a lot like mine.
And I think it's great though, that you have that creative
outlet too. I mean, what made you go from
the acting into content creation?
Was it just kind of using the 2? I'd literally just.
It was completely random. I didn't set out to be like a
content creator or like that's the influence then.
I hate that word. Oh, do you know what's?
Horrible I'm an influencer. Might sound like a knob mate.
Like sorry, he influenced it. What could we call it instead?
I don't know, I'm like I do videos I.
Like I'm a TikTok actress. Oh no, like even Tik Toker I'm
like oh like it makes me sound like I'm like trying to be 23.
Yeah, but. It is due to tick tock.
It's. Hard though, because it's.
I mean, content create is fine. I think that's.
Yeah, I go with content create. Yeah, yeah, it makes me doesn't
make my like stomach fart now. Yeah, I like just made real.
I I don't know why I even did it.
I just was like, oh, this would be quite funny.
And then I was going to put it on Instagram and I was like, I
can't put it on Instagram because people will laugh at me
because it's like my peers were on Instagram.
So I made a TikTok page that I didn't know.
I didn't know anyone on TikTok. So I was just like, I just make
a TikTok page. Save space.
And yeah, I don't know anyone. I don't need to impress anyone
here. And yeah, it did really well.
You'll usually find that you do the best when you don't give a
fuck. I did not give a fuck.
And now, yeah, the best advice I got once was like, no one, no
one gives a bigger fuck than you.
So I was like, well, I'm nervous about this, nervous about that.
Most he's like, I was talking to this guy.
He's like, most people do this. Yeah.
And so you've put so much time and effort inside.
Oh, what about this? Is this good enough?
Is that funny enough to do it? Most people don't give a fuck.
Like no one does feel like that was really funny or like, oh, I
hadn't seen that 10. Nice.
What? Like they literally.
So they would. He'd just like just keep
posting. Just keep going.
If you think it's a bit shit,
post it anyway. Then the next one might be
better. Just keep going.
And it's so true. Because the ones that I think
I've taken a time that I'm really proud of might be like.
And then the ones that I'm like, oh, is that all right?
Yeah. Sometimes can do well so.
I'm like, you never know what's going to work.
Sometimes it just happens. And it could be timing.
It could just be the, it could be anything.
But I think I remember once somebody said as well, they were
like, if it flopped and nobody saw it.
Good. No one's all right.
Yeah. That's.
True. Like, OK, cool.
No one, no one cares. It just.
Doesn't matter. There's so many fucking people
on the earth and like TikTok is just like a, it's just like
constant like this. I mean, and if you can have
something that you can use your creativity, your skills for, why
wouldn't you do it? Like the way in which you create
it is just great and it's so. I think as well, especially at
the minute social media and just life is so dark.
Yeah. Like you go online, I wake up
this morning, I was like, oh, Trump's done this.
Now I'm like, the world's on fire.
I'm like, and it's going to be so consuming and there's so many
people who are like, it's it's over.
It's so overwhelming that I think if you can just go on and
just do a bit of just like, that was a funny thing about an air
freshener turning you gay. Like it's so stupid and like.
We need stupid right now. Funny, only stupid.
And there's people being like, when I follow people who just do
out on stupid dancers, I'm like, yeah, just do a dance in your
kitchen. Sit.
The world's about to end in a fucking minute.
I don't give a shit anymore. I'm I'm done.
This is what my friend says and she she invites me to the pub
midweek. I'm like, oh, it's Tuesday.
She's like, babe, the world's on fire, come for a pint.
I'm like you are. Right, I just go Bubble 3 come
from Yeah, yeah, we love, we love a wee day pint.
Yeah, to be fair, this was a Monday.
I was like, it's Monday. Oh, we went for a pint
yesterday. I mean, I'll have 1 today.
And he said no. I said no at lunch because my
friend was. I was like, we're having a
drink. She was like, no, I was like, of
course not. I was like, oh God, I.
Was only asking I don't know why if you were OK.
Yeah, I would never drink on a Tuesday lunchtime.
That'd be ridiculous. But yeah, I'll just find it.
So I just think there's so much shit going on right now.
And it's nice to have joy. It's nice to have joy.
It's nice to like scroll and like see, like doesn't my stuff.
But like other people just put in out like just this is a
stupid thing. I did today a funny thing
because I think if you there was a RuPaul thing recently, he was
on podcast or something and he said you can, he said you can
look at you can look at the darkness, but don't stare.
I love that. And he's like, you cut.
He was like, because if you stare too long, you'll go crazy.
He was like, you need to create music and fun things and dancing
and comedy. And he was like, you need to do
all the fun things because otherwise it'll just consume you
have to. I was like, oh, I'm gonna get on
a T-shirt, Rupert. The whole thing.
But that's the thing. It's like you can be aware
because I'm aware. I'm so tuned into it all.
I know everything that's going on, but yeah, in an instance
where there's fuck all you can do and you've done everything
that you can, you have to enjoy life to its fullest.
Yeah. And bring that joy on to other
people because that kind of energy is so contagious as well.
And you never know who say that you're going to make better just
by doing that one thing, you know?
And like using humour, I mean, I've always used humour to get
through pretty much fucking everything in my life, you know?
And I always think that's a skill.
I love it when other people do it as well.
And yeah, I think if we're going to have something literally
called TikTok, let's take the fucking piss and just do a video
come. Up with that name.
Yeah, someone who's very, very rich right now.
And I wish. Oh, yeah.
I mean, well, one of your reels I did love.
And it was the one of your dad making a dad joke, which I know
did very well on on your reels. Oh, yeah.
And so I know that I have asked you to prepare some dad jokes.
I have some of my. Oh my God.
The thing is though, you can't laugh.
I'm going to try and not laugh at yours.
I don't think you're going to naturally laugh at mine anyway.
I sometimes laugh out of like awkwardness, pity with dad
jokes. Yeah, if it's that bad, then it
makes that. Jokes aren't meant to be bad
though. Yeah, that's the.
Same thing. They're meant to be awful, I.
Think I quite like a long winded one as well, like.
Oh my God, my dad will literally start sentences and The thing is
with my dad, when he's tell the judge he can't get to the
punchline without laughing, it was like right man walks into a
bar and his face will go red like his eyes closed like his
teeth, like he's got false teeth as well so.
Something they're half coming out.
Yeah, his teeth's actually amazing out.
And then we're sat there waiting for his.
His eyes will roll. I'm like, Dad, I'm gonna you
need to get there. And like it wasn't.
That's funnier than the punch line.
Yeah, no, but I love that. I love that I'm gonna get him on
and I want him to just do a whole.
Sent me some. He sent you some.
OK, so so you're gonna. I will do a, I'll do 1, you do
1, I do 1. OK, OK, so don't give me
offended if I don't. Some of his though were like, oh
dad May. Thank you very much, Dad.
Go on. Start dark on mine.
Oh. You've already have heard this
one. What's the worst part about
having sex in a cemetery? I don't know you're.
Not allowed to laugh, Farrell? Close your mouth.
What is the worst thing about having sex in it?
It's the worst part about having sex in a cemetery.
Which made me laugh. Now I don't know why.
Because I feel it back to you. I heard my own joke and I was
like, that's funny shit. That's some funny shit.
All the fucking digging. If you ever if I was on last one
laughing I would be out. OK, let's do it.
Let's do a role play. We are on last one, Laughing.
You are not allowed to laugh. You have to give me these bad
jokes straight. You'll be fucked.
Mind OK, it's my dad actually did this and we were in a
restaurant once and the waiter came over and said so today's
specials we have the cured salmon and he said cured was it
was it I'll that is like the face classic dad.
That is. I was like, but also I was like,
funny look. At that.
No, that is funny. OK.
Classic Dad. That's classic Dad, have you?
We're going on then. All right.
I forget about the no laughing part.
It's really, it's actually quite difficult.
It's really difficult. OK, I'm I'm choosing the one
that I want to say. What do you call a man with
nobody and no nose? I don't know.
Nobody knows. Oh, it's rough.
I'm doing, it's rough. I'm doing that thing that they
do when they just pull the face. I'm lost on laughing.
I'll get my Mike Hegarty's list out.
Why is everything way funny when you can't laugh?
This is hell. I'm sweating.
Some of these are bleak. 2 Lions walk through a shopping centre.
1 says server It's quiet today, every Saturday afternoon.
Was that like a delayed response?
No, I just. It was just so bad.
It's so bad. That's why I laughed.
It's so bad. Anita.
I'm trying to rein this in. I'll be off this show.
Yeah, right. OK.
It's hard, isn't it? Last one laughing when Ramesh.
Ramesh it is. Oh my God.
But also he needs like the thing of like the things of like you
can't laugh at it. So it made it funnier and then
that the Gordon Brown joke. Amazing, amazing and.
Just reading out things that he'd been called that was just
like that was a genius. And his face was Oh my God,
he's. Hilarious how he just says them
all out. Amazing.
He's like, he's like, I'd like you now to read them, say them
to my face. Incredible.
Oh my God, he's like, his eye looks like it's been in a
dishwasher. I was like.
I loved. It I could not.
That is such a good tactic. So good, right?
I think I got one more. This is what we say in the house
and you go when you stand up to leave, you go, Right, I'm off.
I thought I could smell something.
So. Fucking liver.
That bad you've got to be. That's bad, but I want to use
it. The first thing that came into
my head was, yeah, that's really good.
You can't get away with anything in my house about.
No, without a pun or like a joke coming.
Yeah, I like that. No, that is good.
Yeah, I'm going to use that. I like learning things like and
I clogged my head today. I've learned something today.
What what's the one thing you're going to take away from today?
Do your your I'm just reading the ones you sent me the.
The lesbian mom he's a. Lesbian mom.
Yeah, this is this is very. Oh my God, my.
I thought of someone I think. OK.
All right, I'll give it to you. Go on all.
Right. What's worse than two lesbians
running with scissors? I don't know.
Scissoring with the runs. That's not fair.
It's also just facts to live by, isn't it?
My. If you've ever had to worry
about what you should do when you have the runs, probably just
don't scissor. Don't do that.
Don't do that, no. Oh, Can you imagine?
What a mess. Oh, it's the only thing that
comes into my. Head Oh, he's got to clean up
that my brother, right? Really, really.
Recently we sat around the dinner table and bearing in mind
my grandma's there and my grandma, I think my grandma, my
grandma and grandda was there, My mum and dad were there and he
literally just sat on the table and he said in front of
everyone. It was like, what do you call a
lesbian dinosaur? Oh.
I know this one. Lick a lot of puss.
How did that go? Imagine that round the table.
I was like, you fucking bastard. I was like, and we all just
looked at each other and he looked at me and was like, and
he's just this reminder of like, do you know what I mean?
I'm just like, oh, there's nothing better than a like
you're thinking about. You're thinking about licking
me. I was like, are you?
We're all, I'm like, oh, this is horrible.
And we all just sat there and my dad would like, I could see my
daughter go and then like trying not to laugh.
My mum was that I remember was like cutting carrots or
something. She was like you could see a
shaking front behind and I think I don't think my grandma got it.
I was like, never mind my grandma moving on.
Oh my God, save me, swallow me whole.
This is horrendous. Why is?
It it's always at the dinner table.
Always at the dinner table. Yeah, hate crime central dinner
table. That was a hate crime and he
knew what he was doing his well, he was like.
Well, I used. To make that a joke with.
My sister. Then I came out as gay.
That was the bit. And then I became the joke of
the family. Because your sister's gay as
well. Yeah.
So she came up first. Oh yeah, I am.
I'm really, really mad for that. Oh God, yeah, she's going to be
a dyke for AIM Doc Martins. I was like, what do you mean?
Yeah, again. And.
Like read the room, it is true. I'm like, yeah, I am, but also
why? Why are you slurring at me?
Yeah, when you're a lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was actually quite funny, to be fair.
I'll give her. That well, you can she actually.
Was two of you? No, there's three of us, so
there's the straight one in the middle.
A sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So 3 girls, 1 straight. Debatable though.
Never know. There's always time.
How old is she? Yeah, yeah.
How old? 2 old.
Them Oh, it's too old to become. She's 30, 737.
Oh well, now there is still time.
There is. I reckon she's about to pop out
her third so probably after that.
After that, get the get the kids out.
Yeah, get all the kids out and then just move.
On see the light. Yeah, yeah.
I don't think it will take her a lot.
See the light. Yeah.
Come on, Lauren. Just carry on dating men, you'll
figure out. Yeah, I think she's close, to be
honest. Yeah, Yeah.
But I always think whenever you hear talk about like dinner
table conversations as well though, like having a straight
sister, used to having a lesbian sister, but when the straight
sister sits down with like the husband and they're like, we're
trying for a baby, I'm like, so you're having sex.
Is that what you're trying to? Is that what you're trying to
announce to the table? It's always funny, isn't it,
when people are like, I would like to announce that we're
trying for a baby. So you just announced at dinner
table that you're raw dogging. Yeah, that's what's happening.
You're announcing in front of grandma.
We've all thought about. There's no protection.
Yeah, You're just raw dogging everything.
And thank you for sharing that. Yeah, I eat my potatoes.
Before, I mean, Farrell, it's been so nice to get to know you
and and just understand a little bit more about like where you've
come from as well. Like, it's so nice to see this
after I've seen all the different content of yours and,
and you're acting and just knowing kind of the person
behind all of that. It's always so nice to see.
And you are an absolute babe as well.
You're so lovely. And you never know how someone's
gonna be. You never.
Know yeah, yeah. And you're like people, and
you're like. You're one of the first people
I've actually had on that I've never had like an actual
conversation. Oh, really?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
It's always a risk, isn't it? It was a risk.
It was a message, Yeah. No, I'm very pleasantly
surprised and I love hearing about your story as well.
I think in a way it's kind of nice because the other guests
that I have on, I'm like, okay, I kind of know.
Pretty much all of this. Already, So I'm like locked in
listening, but is there anything else that you wanted to talk
about before you go? No, I don't think.
Have you got anything coming up that?
You're what have I got coming up?
I'm just, I'm just fanning about online.
Yeah, funny what I'm doing some days.
I'm like, why is this my job? It's so wild.
Yeah. Just like, what is life?
Yeah. No, it's nice to come out and
stuff like this and like just share like because it's as I
said recently, like, oh, I'm going to try and like talk more
about. Myself, you know, makes me like
die inside, but I did, I talked about something really recently
and then I had someone reach out to me and be like, oh, I
literally left my husband like, oh, I've just come out of a
straight relationship at like I think she's like 39 or
something. She was like, I love hearing
stories like this because it like, gives me, like, hope.
And I was just like, OK, maybe I do need to like, talk about,
like, coming out and also being, like, super like, happy.
Yeah. Like, I've never been as happy
as, like, I didn't know, like, you know, like the queer joy.
I'm like, you're so gay. And I'm like, I know it's been
great. I was like, I'm so happy because
I never knew that this could be a feeling.
So like. Yeah.
That's amazing that I'm so. Glad you've been start finding
your wife. Exactly.
Amen to that. No, but that that is the thing.
And we've always said that like on this pod as well, like we
talk about a lot of experiences that we've already gone through
like maybe like years ago. So sometimes we can kind of
brush over a little bit because we're like, but for somebody
else listening that said right now, you know, so it doesn't
hurt to like go into that and there will be women listening to
this now that are in that situation or have been or are
thinking about it, you know, that haven't even made that step
yet. So.
Or if you're in the mix of it, it does get better.
Oh my God, it gets so much better.
Yeah, it always does. It always does.
It's going. To be great.
Better with a woman, I'm sorry. Yeah, you can have a great time.
It's going to be. Fantastic and do the long
distance thing. Try it out, you know, or do
throw yourself into different cultures, different experiences.
I think that that's always what's so nice about long
distance relationships to it really like broadens your
horizons on a different way of life.
And also I feel like when it feels, when you feel something
feels right, like, you know, like I also think for me when I,
I was ignoring so many like gut feelings of like, I'm happy.
I promise I'm happy in both women and women.
Like you know that thing and like if it's not right, go.
Don't waste your life. It's you don't have I mean Katty
on the the episode just before this was just like normalize
breaking up. Yeah, like it's OK.
That is OK. Like this is really shit.
I'm not happy. Like you shouldn't be sad all
the time and you shouldn't be have that feeling in your
stomach where you're like worried about stuff.
It should just be like. Was on edge, walking on egg
shells, whatever. That is the worst.
But I'm so glad that you finally found your way out of that.
And it really also doesn't matter like what age you were or
don't listen to anyone who has to say that.
Sorry, I had that song. I had that then when I've been
lurking, but that's where my brain went.
I started clicking and then just didn't do.
Anything. I already tried to diagnose you
earlier. Oh, I'm done diagnosed.
Oh. I my DMS are literally, I get a
message at least twice a week. We're like, have you got any HD?
I'm like, I'm like, I'm undiagnosed.
I didn't fill out the form. It's too complicated.
It's 11 pages. What do you want?
Me to do. I swear that's the test if you
don't send the form back and they just send you a
certificate. So you guys?
Are you still waiting for it? I just get a messages being like
you never filled out the form far and I'm like I know.
Do you know what my, my private assessment that I went through?
I love it because they like cater their emails obviously to
like ADHD people. I was, I might have ADHD, but
I'm not fucking 12. Like the emails are just like
loads of emojis and they're like, we've got your follow up
letter. It's like mailbox letter big :)
well, I've done so much and I'm like, oh.
My, I think I'd appreciate that. I'm like, oh, thank you.
It's just like we're only going to send you one sentence in this
e-mail. If one thumbs up, I'm like hack,
thank you. Yeah.
I'm like I've got like text messages like long text messages
or when people if you send me like 4 messages before doing a
bit of information, I'm only reading the last one.
So I can do. It I miss shit.
Yeah, I miss everything. I feel like you haven't read
that message. I mean, I'm like.
No, I can't do it with voice notes.
I can do it with messages, but not with voice notes because if
I can't like see it all there, I've already forgotten what the
first voice out. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd write
notes. Obviously what you said about
the first, I've forgotten it already.
You're there, glasses on another day, it's like 10.
Minutes. Roll yeah.
Going back to your first point. No, that is literally how I have
to respond in the end because I have to like really strategize
myself and so I end up like sounding like I'm in a fucking
board meeting whenever I try and replace anyone. .1 Yeah.
Fucking dump him. Yeah, but thank you so much.
Well, it was so nice to meet me. And where can the lesbians find
you? They can find me at Pharrell
Hegarty on both TikTok and Insta.
Amazing. I'll also put it in the Lincoln
bio as well. But thanks again and I can't
wait for you guys to see her if you haven't already.
Thank you babe. Goodbye lesbians.
We'll speak to you next week. Love you.