1 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:03,200 Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast. 2 00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:06,200 I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,000 and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness. 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,500 Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how 5 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:17,300 'but mindset changes and get really actionable. 6 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:22,200 Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,100 can love yourself again and how to live your best life. 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,900 Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:34,700 Parents reduce feelings like overwhelm and stress and let 10 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:38,200 find your sparkle again. Are you ready? 11 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:52,300 Let's do it. Hello and welcome to episode 111 12 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:56,300 of the nourishing, Amy podcast. And today, I am going to be 13 00:00:56,300 --> 00:01:01,500 talking to you about comparative suffering and it may not be a 14 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:03,500 concept that you have heard of before. 15 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:06,700 So we're going to Deep dive into exactly what it is and how you 16 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,400 might notice it coming up for you. 17 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:13,400 As the name suggests, it is a type of comparison and so we're 18 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,100 going to be talking about how you notice it coming up for you 19 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:20,900 and also how you can validate Your current experiences and how 20 00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:26,500 you're feeling so that you can hopefully be moving through big 21 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:30,400 feelings or hard feelings. A lot quicker as well. 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,200 And be giving yourself things like empathy and compassion and 23 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:38,100 just giving yourself the feelings and that warm fuzzy hug 24 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:40,900 that you feel like you need some times that we don't allow 25 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,900 ourselves but before that I would like to give you some 26 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,100 recommendations as always with every episode. 27 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,700 Now my recommendation. Station is actually a little bit 28 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,500 of a side note, from my recommendations from last 29 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,500 episode. I think from memory, I was 30 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:59,600 talking about the daily always on Instagram and also the 31 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,900 podcast called the squiz. And I was talking about how 32 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:06,500 they're really great for learning bite-sized chunks of 33 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:10,199 the new cycle without feeling too overwhelmed by everything. 34 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:15,900 Now I forgot that the daily actually has podcasts as well 35 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:19,800 and podcast episodes. So I have Been consuming them 36 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,100 over the last week, if you're listening to this episode in 37 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,500 real time, when it's getting released, we have in Australia 38 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:31,000 anyway for the Australian listeners, a an election coming 39 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,600 up very soon. And I have to be honest, I 40 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,400 previously have kind of just stuck my head in the sand with 41 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,300 things like politics and the election and not really been to 42 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,800 onboard with it. But I feel like as I'm getting 43 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,700 older I'm like, okay, this is something that I really should 44 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,700 have my head around a little bit more. 45 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,700 And just be a little bit more aware and educated on. 46 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,000 But again that also feels for me like a topic. 47 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,100 That's like, very overwhelming and very big and I'm like, oh my 48 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:04,700 gosh, where do I even start? So where I started was the daily 49 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:08,400 podcast episodes and so they've actually had quite a few 50 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:12,900 recently but the ones that I've really been enjoying is the ones 51 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:15,700 that start with the wording, no silly questions. 52 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,600 So the true that I started with is no silly questions. 53 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:21,800 Where do the party stand on corruption in politics? 54 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,900 And also this one, I loved no silly questions. 55 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,800 What's the difference between the two major parties? 56 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,200 And I know for some people that's super obvious and it's 57 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,200 like, well, duh, how, like, who doesn't know that but me, I 58 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:41,000 didn't know that. So if you are at all interested 59 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,300 in learning more about, I mean, the new cycle in general, like I 60 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,600 was talking about last week, but more specifically around. 61 00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,800 The politics and what's actually kind of going on at the moment 62 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,000 and learning a little bit more about the election. 63 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,000 But without it being biased, I think that's the thing that kind 64 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,600 of turns me off a little bit when I'm trying to learn about 65 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,300 politics. Or when I have tried to learn 66 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,800 about politics in the past, is that the people that I am trying 67 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:11,300 to discuss it with our a lot more educated than me, but also 68 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,700 a little one-sided, which is great for them. 69 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,100 Like, I'm happy for them to have their opinions and perspectives 70 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:19,899 and I love that for them that they feel Educated enough to do 71 00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:22,900 that, but also I'm kind of like, but what's the other side? 72 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,900 Like, I don't really understand what's kind of going on here. 73 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:29,500 So it's been really great to learn little bite-sized chunks 74 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:33,100 of information that feel easily, digestible, not overwhelming and 75 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,600 informative without being biased as well. 76 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,500 So, there's also a few episodes on things like why you should 77 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:42,300 care about the independence and the minor parties. 78 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,800 There's also there was an episode. 79 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,600 I was listening to yesterday on some controversial. 80 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,100 Use that have been happening with one of the candidates and 81 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,800 all of that kind of stuff. So it's just really interesting 82 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,100 and I don't know, I just feel like I'm getting these little 83 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,900 aha moments as I know as I'm listening to these episodes like 84 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,700 ah and they probably only go for about 10 minutes each. 85 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,900 So they've been really great. I've just kind of been popping 86 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,600 them on. When I've been doing my skin 87 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,400 care of a morning just to like, refresh and be like, okay cool. 88 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,500 Like I feel like I've learnt something for the day and I get 89 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,300 ready to jump into my morning routine so that is my 90 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,400 recommendation for you. This This week, the daily Oz is 91 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,500 what you can search for in a podcast in apple. 92 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,200 Podcast is where I listen to it, but I'm sure they're on, you 93 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,000 know, everywhere, like, Spotify and things like that, too. 94 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:35,400 Now there is another podcast called just the daily, but that 95 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,000 is run by the New York Times. So obviously the topics that 96 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,000 they cover will be different to the ones I'm just talking about 97 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:47,000 and also no silly. Questions is a podcast in 98 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,400 itself. Also run by the Leo's. 99 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,700 So that's also somewhere else that you can go. 100 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:56,700 If you feel like maybe you've consumed all of the daily Oz 101 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,300 podcast episodes, or maybe there might be some different topics 102 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:06,400 that you like over on the no silly questions podcast as well. 103 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,400 So things like where do the major parties stand on women in 104 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,700 politics? What's the real difference 105 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,400 between the house of reps and the Senate stuff like that? 106 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,800 Anyway that's enough talking about politics for me because 107 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,600 like I said, I don't really know anything about it. 108 00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:22,700 And also this isn't about politics or news podcast so 109 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:28,400 that's not what you're here for. But what I do want to talk to 110 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,900 you about today is comparative suffering and what that is. 111 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:38,200 So I think I'm just going to give you a example because 112 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,900 that's going to be the best way that you can understand. 113 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,000 Oh yeah. Like of course I do know what 114 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,200 that is. I just didn't know that's what 115 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,400 it was called. So it is. 116 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:54,600 Let's say for example, All I have said, oh my gosh, Ollie's 117 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:59,200 sleep over his like you know, that first six to eight months 118 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:03,200 of his life, was so terrible and it was really, really hard for 119 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,100 Aaron. And I like he had colic and he 120 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:10,000 was waking every 45 minutes and we were so sleep-deprived. 121 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,100 Our relationship really suffered from that as well because we 122 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,100 were both, we were all three of us. 123 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,600 So sleep deprived, so tired, trying to navigate. 124 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:22,700 Navigate a brand new baby in the world with colic and tummy 125 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:27,600 troubles. But you know, there's so many 126 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,400 other people that have it so much harder with their babies 127 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,900 or, you know, that are going through things that are so much 128 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:37,600 harder than that. So really like it was hard but 129 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,600 we got through it and it wasn't that bad. 130 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:43,500 So you can see that it's the first part of the kind of 131 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,800 thought process or conversation is like, whoa, like I'm going 132 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,600 through this or I have been through this and It's been hard 133 00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:55,300 but then also the contradiction between then at the end of that 134 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:59,200 sentence saying something like, but it's not that bad or like 135 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,800 somebody else has it worse. It's like for example I had a 136 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,100 cold the other week and it was bad, all he's been bringing home 137 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:10,700 all of his daycare bugs and I was so sick and I even found 138 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,000 myself doing it. I was like, oh my gosh, like yes 139 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,600 I am sick. Yes, I'm pregnant blah, blah, 140 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,300 blah. But you know, there's people out 141 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:21,100 there that have covid that are really sick and you can see 142 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:25,200 again with that exactly why it's called comparative suffering. 143 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:29,200 Is that it's comparing to potentially what other people 144 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:34,900 are going through and like not disowning but putting down your 145 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:39,700 own suffering, not owning it not validating it which then means 146 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:45,300 that you're kind of The words gone for my brain but I'll come 147 00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:48,700 back to it in a minute, your kind of disassociating from 148 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:52,000 that, which means that if you can't fully validate how you're 149 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,300 feeling, how are you supposed to be able to move through that 150 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,400 quickly as well? And again, like I said, at the 151 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:00,300 very start big giving yourself that compassion in that empathy 152 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:05,500 that maybe you need, when you know a lot of the time we look 153 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:09,800 for our search for Compassion or empathy or understanding outside 154 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,300 of ourselves as well. We might go and have a 155 00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,800 conversation with About a topic about something that we're 156 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:19,600 really struggling with and while conversations and connection is 157 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,800 really important in our lives. If we can also be giving 158 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:27,400 ourselves that connection and that empathy and that compassion 159 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,800 for ourselves it's like it's just amplifying that and really 160 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,100 intensifying that for us in validating how we're feeling and 161 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:40,100 knowing that it's actually okay. So really it's that idea that 162 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:43,100 just because someone else is going through something it 163 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,400 Doesn't mean that your emotions or your feelings or your 164 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:51,400 experiences aren't valid, so this could be for, absolutely 165 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,300 anything at all that you might be going through whether it's 166 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,700 something quite big, like a relationship breakup, or you 167 00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:01,100 might be changing jobs or moving house. 168 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,800 Maybe there's some type of change in your life at the 169 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,200 moment that you're going through, that feels quite big. 170 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,800 Maybe there's a bit of an identity shift starting to 171 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,700 happen, there for you as well, but then we can also Look at 172 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,800 things like, yeah. Maybe you are a bit sick, maybe 173 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:20,300 you've got a cold, maybe you've had gastro, you know, maybe 174 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,800 things are just feeling a bit hard at work or you've had a 175 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:29,600 hard day and it's from those smaller instances day-to-day to 176 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,800 those really big life changes or life instances and experiences 177 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:40,800 that do feel hard. But it's then also realizing 178 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:47,000 that just because yes There's always going to be somebody that 179 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,300 is going through something and maybe in your perspective, that 180 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:55,500 something is potentially bigger than what you're going through. 181 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,200 But that doesn't mean that you're not going through 182 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:02,200 something at the same time. I think something else that's 183 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,800 really important to mention in this to is to remember that. 184 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:11,100 Nobody else. No one else in the world has the 185 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:14,200 same lived. Variances. 186 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:19,200 As you everybody has walked a different path and every single 187 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:23,300 other person in the world, even if you grow up with people in 188 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:26,900 the same household under the same roof as you every single 189 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:30,900 person under that roof has still walked a different path and has 190 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:35,900 different lived experiences because they have had different 191 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,800 friendship, groups, different School, relationships, different 192 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,200 work relationships, different literally Absolutely everything. 193 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:51,100 So just because There's other people that you feel like you 194 00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:53,900 can kind of relate to or because there's other people that you 195 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,400 feel like you could compare to and be like oh you know, but 196 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:01,600 this person has it worse or why doesn't this person care about 197 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,400 this, or why doesn't this person struggle with this thing? 198 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,400 And I do that kind of stuff as well. 199 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,800 You might notice coming up with that comparative suffering, so 200 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,000 it's really interesting when we really start to have a look at 201 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:19,000 this and when this comes up with my clients, it will Like them. 202 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,900 So, every single session we will go through and I'll say, how is 203 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,900 your last Fortnight being? Because our sessions are every 204 00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:27,500 Fortnight, I'll say, how's your last Fortnight being, how are 205 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:31,200 you feeling and generally, it's the same as everybody, right? 206 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,600 If I say to you, or how are you doing? 207 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,600 It's like, yeah, pretty good. That's the general, like 208 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,500 response at the start of a session as well, especially if 209 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,500 you've had a busy day and then you're coming into a session, 210 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,800 it's like, oh yeah, I'm pretty good. 211 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,500 But then my question will be what? 212 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,400 Some good things that have been happening for you. 213 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,200 What some Nations or what are you proud of in the last two 214 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,100 weeks since we've spoken. And so they'll have a think. 215 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:56,000 And it really helps them to get clear on what has been going 216 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,800 well for them or what they are, proud of actions that they've 217 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,100 taken in between our sessions that we've discussed and things 218 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:04,700 like that. And then also my next question 219 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,500 will be okay. Like I love all of them. 220 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:10,200 They're fantastic. What hasn't been going so well 221 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,800 for you or is there anything that you feel like you've been 222 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,300 struggling with or any big feelings that have been coming 223 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:17,000 up that you would like to feel less of? 224 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,700 And this is the Point in our sessions, where a lot of the 225 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,600 time they will be able to reflect. 226 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,300 And remember something that's happened with in their life that 227 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:30,600 has felt difficult or felt hard for them or where they've 228 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,300 noticed some big feelings coming up for them so they might have 229 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:38,200 felt frustrated or angry or cranky or sad, or disappointed. 230 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,900 They might have felt overwhelmed or stressed or anxious. 231 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,400 And they'll remember those points in their will start to 232 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,400 explain them to me. And so often they will tell Tell 233 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,700 me what's happened or they'll explain how they've been feeling 234 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,900 and they'll say, but it's not that bad, you know like oh, you 235 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,700 know, my other friend is going through this and that's bad or 236 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:59,700 like I feel really bad for this other person that I heard about 237 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,100 the other day. So it's really, really common 238 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,400 and you know, like like I said, the start, I do it as well. 239 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,800 We all do it, but I really want you to start to lean into the 240 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:16,700 idea of being, okay? With the fact that sometimes you 241 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:20,600 are going to have hard days Sometimes there are going to be 242 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:25,000 hard feelings or big emotions that come up for you and just 243 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:30,000 because somebody else might have it worse, doesn't take away from 244 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:34,400 how you are feeling and you are allowed to have those feelings 245 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,200 and those emotions. And I think there's a few 246 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,400 podcast episodes that I have recorded previously that would 247 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,000 relate to this one that comes to mind is way back at would be 248 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,000 like, maybe episode 5 or 6, I'm not even sure. 249 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,700 But I A look and leave it in the show notes for you would be not 250 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,000 everyday is a good day, but that's okay. 251 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,500 And that podcast episode really goes into the idea of like 252 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,700 embracing hard feelings and hard days, and knowing that you're 253 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,700 not perfect, you're not a robot life is never going to be 254 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:07,700 perfect. We can't expect that. 255 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:11,700 And that it's okay for us to move through the Ebbs and flows 256 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:14,800 of life. And to not put yourself down 257 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,600 another one. That also comes to mind is My 258 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,300 perspective on positive vibes, only and why I think positive 259 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:25,500 vibes is bullshit. So I will find those two 260 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:29,000 episodes and leave the links in the show notes for you. 261 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,400 If you would like to go and read listen to them as well. 262 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:37,300 But what I also wanted to talk about is the limitations of this 263 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,400 thinking pattern that we can have of comparative suffering 264 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:44,300 because when we can recognize why we don't want to do it, and 265 00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,300 what the limitations are, it's going to help us to, then start 266 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:51,100 to feel To okay well how can I move through these old? 267 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:54,300 What could I be doing differently to not be doing 268 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:58,300 comparative suffering as often? So the biggest limitation I 269 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,000 would say really is that you're not fully acknowledging. 270 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,200 How you feel you might be bringing some awareness to it or 271 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,300 some acknowledgement to it because it's like well you're 272 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,000 voicing it you're obviously recognizing hey this is feeling 273 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,400 hard right now. This is a feeling I'm having at 274 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:17,800 the moment but You're also then disassociating from that or 275 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,200 creating that comparison. That means that you're not fully 276 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:26,800 acknowledging that and you're distracting yourself from that 277 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,200 feeling. Essentially, now what this can 278 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,500 lead into another limitation is repression. 279 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:38,400 And what repression is is that kind of thought of, okay? 280 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,800 Yes, I notice I'm feeling frustrated or angry, or cranky, 281 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,700 disappointed, sad, whatever the feeling is that Don't want to 282 00:16:44,708 --> 00:16:47,800 feel like yes, I'm noticing that coming up for me at the moment 283 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,100 but I don't have time to feel like that today. 284 00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,400 So I'm just going to push through all like, I've just got 285 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,700 to get this stuff done and then I can think about how I'm 286 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,500 feeling repression is essentially the pushing away of 287 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:02,100 or the ignoring of any feeling that you don't want to be 288 00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:05,200 feeling, but just kind of pushing it to the side. 289 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,099 So what that means is, it's still there. 290 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,500 It's still bubbling under the surface, but you've done a good 291 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:14,000 job at like pretending that you're feeling. 292 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,700 Okay. And maybe you actually do a 293 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:18,500 really great job of convincing yourself that you're okay. 294 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:22,500 But then what happens is the next time something comes along 295 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,900 whether it's in another five or ten minutes whether it's in 296 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:28,900 another few hours or a few days or a few weeks the next time, 297 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,000 something else comes along and there's a curve ball or 298 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,600 something, throws you off. And there's another big feeling 299 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,300 that comes up. It's kind of that effective, 300 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,200 like the straw that broke the camel's back where it could be 301 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,600 that maybe you've gotten stuck in traffic and now you're 302 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,500 running late for work. Normally That wouldn't seem like 303 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,900 that big a deal for you. But if you've been doing 304 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,400 repression really well and pushing away some other big 305 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,200 feelings or some other things that are happening for you, that 306 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,400 feel quite big or hard to be working through, and you haven't 307 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,800 given them the time and the energy to actually work through 308 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,900 those feelings. It's like, whoa. 309 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,200 Now, the traffic that you're stuck in is like the absolute 310 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,500 end of the world and you're frustrated, you're upset. 311 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,000 You might find that you're like, crying over something that you 312 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:09,900 like. This is ridiculous. 313 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:11,400 Why am I crying about this thing? 314 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,600 Probably. Because As you've been 315 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,000 repressing, something you've been repressing some feelings or 316 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,800 a situation, and it's kind of just bubbling sitting under the 317 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,200 surface and then something else happens and the Waterworks come 318 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,900 out. All the big emotions, the big 319 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:30,400 feelings, the big reactions happen and it's those moments 320 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,200 where we kind of reflect back and think that was like a 321 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,600 massive over-reaction for something that in hindsight was 322 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,800 probably not that big a deal. But a lot of the time with those 323 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,800 big reactions that we have all those big feelings that we can 324 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,100 have. Is something underlying there as 325 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,500 well. So it's really interesting to be 326 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:51,400 able to look at where am I repressing, what am I repressing 327 00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,500 and what's the flow-on effect of that? 328 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,900 And how is that recalls? How is that causing? 329 00:18:55,900 --> 00:19:01,400 Sorry, some other big emotions or feelings or reaction reactive 330 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,300 behaviors for me as well? So first two would be not fully 331 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,400 acknowledging how you feel. Second limitation is repression, 332 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,500 starting to become a habit for your brain. 333 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:16,200 Also, the next limitation that we can have is Essentially, it's 334 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,500 like I said invalidating, your pain or your suffering, your 335 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,900 struggles. But what that means is that that 336 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:28,600 can also lead to a feeling of resentment from you feeling like 337 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,400 you either have no boundaries or like you're pushing your own 338 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,900 boundaries. Like if you are not validating 339 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:38,000 how you're feeling and taking that into account, what that 340 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,100 also means is there's probably moments where you're saying yes 341 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,900 to things that you don't want to be doing you're saying yes to 342 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,700 He's when you're feeling emotionally, physically, 343 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:50,500 mentally, overwhelmed, or pushed to your limits. 344 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,900 And when you're saying yes, to these things, it's like deep 345 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:57,300 down, you know, like, like I'm having a hard day. 346 00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,200 I actually don't feel like, I'm up to this thing, but I've said, 347 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,900 yes. So I'm going to do it and that 348 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:06,700 can lead to resentment, whether it's resentment to a specific 349 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:10,300 person, or it might be resentment to a situation in 350 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,900 general. But what we really want to get 351 00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:16,100 clear on is What does resentment look like for me? 352 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:21,100 When do I notice that coming up for me and also, what boundaries 353 00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:26,400 have I been pushing of my own? That has led this feeling of 354 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,000 resentment to actually come up for me, like where is this 355 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,100 feeling of resentment actually coming from? 356 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:37,000 Now I'm sure that I've actually even done a podcast episode on 357 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,700 resentment as well. I know, I did a workshop. 358 00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,900 I ran a workshop on this with my clients. 359 00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:48,000 Bu happiness college but let me just have a very quick. 360 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,100 Yes, I did episode 97, so I'll link that as well for you in the 361 00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:54,900 show notes. That's three episodes that you 362 00:20:54,900 --> 00:20:58,400 can go and listen to. So episode 97 is called therapy, 363 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,800 Thursday resentment. What is it and how to let it go? 364 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,300 There's also episode 99 which is about boundaries. 365 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:09,600 It's a bit of a short Monday motivation episode as well to 366 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,800 help you get clear on what boundaries look like for you. 367 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:16,700 So few other episodes that are really relevant to this topic to 368 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:20,500 help you to get clear on how you're feeling, why you're 369 00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:24,300 feeling like that, and validate how you're feeling instead of 370 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,900 using that comparative suffering and falling into that. 371 00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:31,300 So, some ways that we can start to move through these 372 00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:36,600 comparative suffering, is to recognize be aware of and 373 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,800 acknowledge hard feelings, and situations, or circumstances, 374 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,900 so, yes, somebody else might be going through something. 375 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:48,200 That is tough or sounds really tough but that does not take 376 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,700 away from how you're feeling or what you're going through at the 377 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:54,600 moment. Whether it seems like it's a few 378 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,300 things that have happened. That have made your day feel 379 00:21:56,300 --> 00:22:00,500 really hard, or whether it's a big life thing that's going on 380 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,200 for you. Like I said, things like 381 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,800 breakups, whether that's a romantic relationship, whether 382 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,000 it's a friendship breakup, whether you're having a hard 383 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,900 time with somebody in your family or in the workplace, 384 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,900 whether it's a big life change like moving house. 385 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,400 Us moving City changing jobs, those types of things. 386 00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:22,800 Whether it's just not feeling super aligned with yourself, not 387 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:27,200 feeling like there's that element of passion or Vibrance 388 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,700 to life feeling like you're stuck in a bit of a rut, like 389 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:33,200 these types of things. All of these things can be 390 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,000 opportunities for you to feel like there's some big feelings 391 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,500 coming up for you there, or that the circle situations or 392 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:43,500 circumstances. I just tried to smash both of 393 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:46,700 those. Together the situations or 394 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:51,800 circumstances that are happening for you, in life, are feeling 395 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,400 hard and I just want you to acknowledge that and just remind 396 00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:02,100 yourself like this feels hard because it is hard, and it does 397 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,600 not mean by any stretch that you need to sit with those hard 398 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,900 feelings for like weeks and months. 399 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:12,900 At a time, what it actually means is the exact opposite that 400 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:15,200 you can recognize, Guys how you're feeling and by 401 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,300 recognizing and bringing awareness, it means that we can 402 00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:22,000 bring in that idea of acceptance which is another way that you 403 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,400 can move through this. So our next step would be that 404 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,400 acceptance piece of accepting where I'm at at the moment but 405 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,000 still having a goal towards where I would like to be. 406 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,000 Now this idea of acceptance is going to be really, really 407 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,800 beneficial, this new definition that I want you to remember 408 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,500 which I have spoken about, in a few episodes before. 409 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:45,300 And every time I share this on, Instagram stories. 410 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:48,700 You know, I kind of talked about this once every like six months 411 00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:52,000 or so if it's there's something going on for me that I feel is 412 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,500 relevant to this idea of acceptance. 413 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:57,900 I get so many responses, like oh my gosh, this is life-changing, 414 00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:01,300 this new definition and it's something I've never thought 415 00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:04,500 about changing my perspective of this before. 416 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:10,700 Generally our idea of acceptance that Society has taught us as 417 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,800 we've been growing up is accepting the situations in 418 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,300 life. Life, and that's acceptance. 419 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:16,500 It's like, okay, that's happened. 420 00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:20,600 I've just got to deal with it. Some quotes around, that would 421 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,800 be things like Time Heals, all wounds, and that kind of stuff. 422 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:29,600 Yes, time does Play A Part in helping you to process through 423 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,600 different feelings and emotions. Time doesn't change the 424 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,500 situations, or the circumstances. 425 00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:38,900 No amount of time is going to change that. 426 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,100 There's been some big things that may have happened in your 427 00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:46,100 life, something like, you know, I think what Talk about trauma 428 00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:51,000 or big circumstances, by the time you get to, you know, my 429 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,700 age, which is I think 34? I don't actually even know how 430 00:24:54,700 --> 00:25:01,200 old I am, but I'm pretty sure I'm 34, uh, mom life but by the 431 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,600 time you get to, you know, around the ages of like early to 432 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,400 late 30s, I don't think there's many people that you will find 433 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,500 that haven't been through something that's felt hard for 434 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:16,700 them in their life. And again just because maybe 435 00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:19,300 somebody else has been through something that has felt like 436 00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:20,900 whoa. That's like massive that's 437 00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:23,700 really hard. It doesn't mean that just 438 00:25:23,700 --> 00:25:27,300 because they're hard seems a lot harder than yours in your 439 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:29,700 perspective. That does not take away from 440 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,000 anything that you've been through. 441 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,800 And so, when we think about different examples that could 442 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,200 come up here of like, you know, this idea of acceptance, we 443 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,300 could be looking at, I don't know. 444 00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:43,900 Let's say you have been through a really difficult breakup. 445 00:25:44,900 --> 00:25:48,600 Maybe there's been some things that happen towards the end of 446 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,400 the relationship. I mean, generally with every 447 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,400 relationship breakup, there's a reason that it's broken up and a 448 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,400 lot of the time, the relationships don't end ideally, 449 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,300 or don't end well. And sometimes those situations 450 00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:05,000 around that breakup can feel like that's not acceptable that 451 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,200 behavior that was shown either by myself or by the other 452 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,300 person, it's not acceptable. We could also look at things 453 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:15,600 like if you feel like Like, I don't know, maybe, you feel, 454 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,300 you've been unfairly dismissed at work or something, doesn't 455 00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:24,000 feel Fair. That's really what we're looking 456 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,000 at. When we are thinking about this 457 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,400 idea, this new idea of acceptance, it could be the 458 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,300 passing away of a loved one. If you have been through the 459 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:38,000 grief cycle and somebody that you're close with, in your life 460 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,300 has passed away and you think back to those memories whether 461 00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:44,900 they're recent or whether they are, you know, Years ago, 462 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,900 thinking about the idea of that person not being here anymore, 463 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:53,000 in that fact that can feel very difficult. 464 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,100 And at the end of the day, again it's something that feels not 465 00:26:56,100 --> 00:27:00,700 fair, it's something that doesn't feel acceptable and so 466 00:27:00,700 --> 00:27:03,900 that's where it can get really difficult when we look at the 467 00:27:03,900 --> 00:27:09,000 traditional idea or traditional sense of acceptance that it's 468 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,300 like, okay, well this has happened. 469 00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:13,600 I just have to accept it. I just have to get over it and 470 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,200 what? That's doing is focusing on the 471 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:19,500 actual situation itself. That's not going to get you 472 00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,500 anywhere because it's really going to feel like that 473 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:25,500 push-pull of like okay well logically. 474 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,200 I'm telling myself, I just have to get over it. 475 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,900 I just have to move through it like it's just a fact of life. 476 00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:35,200 I've just got to do it but then emotionally you have that other 477 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,900 side in that push-pull of like. But hang on a second. 478 00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:40,500 It's not okay. Like it's not acceptable, and 479 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:43,800 I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with what? 480 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,600 At the end of that relationship or I'm not okay, with being let 481 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,200 go from that workplace or I'm not okay with the way that that 482 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,200 friendship ended or how that friend that was supposed to be 483 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,100 really close to me spoke to me or I'm not okay with that 484 00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:00,000 person. That was very special to me 485 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,200 passing away. Those things are not okay to me. 486 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:08,000 And so how can I accept that when emotionally, I'm not? 487 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,300 Okay, about that. So you can see that push-pull of 488 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:14,000 like The Logical brain and the emotional brain starting to Come 489 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,200 into play of like, okay. I understand the concept that I 490 00:28:17,208 --> 00:28:19,600 need to accept this. There's nothing I can do about 491 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,100 it and it's outside of my control, but then also that 492 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,900 other side, that's like, but hang on a second. 493 00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:27,200 I can't accept it because it's not fair, and it's not. 494 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:32,700 Okay, so this new definition of acceptance being, okay, with 495 00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:35,600 where I'm at. So either like, you know, 496 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,300 whatever feelings are coming up for you being, okay, with where 497 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,200 I'm at. But still having a goal towards 498 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:48,300 where I would like to be Still having that goal of, okay, I 499 00:28:48,300 --> 00:28:51,300 recognize that right now, when I think about this certain 500 00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:55,200 situation or circumstance, whether that's a big one, like 501 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,300 I've just been mentioning, or whether it's just like, hey, I'm 502 00:28:57,300 --> 00:29:00,600 having a really hard day or this week feels really hard or I'm 503 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,000 feeling very overwhelmed. I look at my calendar and I feel 504 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,400 like holy shit, there's too many things on there and I'm feeling 505 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:10,200 stressed. Being okay with that feeling 506 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:14,100 that comes up for you, whatever that big feeling is but also 507 00:29:14,100 --> 00:29:17,400 having a goal towards where you would like to be and what 508 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,900 feeling you would like to be feeling. 509 00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:24,800 So being okay, that maybe grief, maybe, frustration, maybe 510 00:29:24,900 --> 00:29:28,600 disappointment bitterness sadness, all of those things. 511 00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:31,300 Maybe that's a feeling that's coming up for you, maybe it's 512 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:34,600 overwhelming stress, anxiety, that kind of stuff. 513 00:29:34,900 --> 00:29:38,100 But those feelings, it's normal to feel them. 514 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,900 Is going to be things in life that happened that do bring 515 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:42,900 about those feelings, and that's okay. 516 00:29:43,100 --> 00:29:45,800 So then what we want to be focusing on is with this idea of 517 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,100 acceptance. It's okay. 518 00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:49,100 For me to feel these feelings, it's normal. 519 00:29:49,100 --> 00:29:53,500 I'm a human being, of course, I feel these feelings, but I still 520 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:56,500 have a goal towards how I would like, to be feeling around this 521 00:29:56,500 --> 00:30:00,700 situation and we don't need to be reaching for the Stars here 522 00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:05,300 and aiming for like Overjoyed excited elated. 523 00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:09,800 Like you know, all of those big Opposite end of the spectrum, 524 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,400 feelings? What we can be doing is just 525 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,300 thinking about? Well what feels a bit more 526 00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:16,900 realistic for me here when I think about how I want to be 527 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:19,300 feeling? Maybe it's just balanced or 528 00:30:19,300 --> 00:30:21,700 neutral. Maybe I'd like to feel calm, 529 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,000 maybe I would like to feel like, you know, I'm a bit more 530 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,000 motivated for my days. So it what that does is when you 531 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,600 check in with yourself and you give yourself that new idea of 532 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,300 acceptance, that you're also really giving yourself a 533 00:30:36,308 --> 00:30:40,300 direction to be moving towards as And what that means is on top 534 00:30:40,300 --> 00:30:43,600 of that, the flow-on effect from that is hopefully something 535 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,400 comes to mind them that you can then ask yourself the question. 536 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,700 Okay. Well I know that I want to feel 537 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:53,500 more calm today or I know that I just would like to feel neutral 538 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:56,900 about this situation instead of feeling frustrated or anxious or 539 00:30:56,900 --> 00:30:59,900 overwhelmed or stressed or disappointed. 540 00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:02,200 I just want to feel neutral about that. 541 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,600 What would it look like for me to move towards that feeling 542 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,900 today? What is something that I could 543 00:31:08,900 --> 00:31:10,800 do? That would help me to move 544 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:16,200 towards that feeling of neutral or I just want to feel calm I 545 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,200 just want to feel balanced. What does that look like? 546 00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:22,800 And you can see that that gives us some really actionable 547 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:27,200 takeaways and things to be doing that is going to be helping you 548 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,100 to feel like you are moving in the right direction instead of 549 00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:35,900 sitting in these hard feelings. So, the only other things that 550 00:31:35,900 --> 00:31:38,700 I've got written down which like this one again, as another 551 00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:40,800 takeaway or something that you could try kind of is off the 552 00:31:40,808 --> 00:31:45,500 back of that, consider what it feels like you actually need so 553 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:48,000 off. Then we just go through, like, 554 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,600 the tick boxes of the day-to-day, like, especially 555 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,600 during the weeks. It's like, okay, it's Monday. 556 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,400 This is what we've got on on Monday. 557 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,200 Like, you know, the kids have this or I've got this on at work 558 00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,800 and this meetings always on Mondays at work or whatever, it 559 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:05,000 is the mundane and the routine of Life can start to come in 560 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,100 that. We're just ticking the boxes and 561 00:32:07,100 --> 00:32:09,600 getting through the days and that definitely helps us. 562 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,300 But also, I want you to consider. 563 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:16,400 Okay, well maybe normally on Mondays, I go For a run after 564 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,500 work. And that feels a bit hard today, 565 00:32:18,700 --> 00:32:21,300 I don't feel like I've got emotionally and mentally the 566 00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:24,100 energy to do that, what else would moving my body? 567 00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:28,500 Look, like for me today, what do I need for myself today? 568 00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:31,800 That he's going to help me to move in the direction of how I 569 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,100 want to be feeling? And then the last one that I've 570 00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:37,300 got is just getting back to basics of routines and Habits. 571 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:41,300 Like, if you are feeling like things are hard, if you are 572 00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:43,700 feeling, like there's the potential that like something 573 00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:47,800 doesn't feel fair or something's feeling Off the general gist of 574 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,200 this whole topic of comparative suffering. 575 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,200 Means that there is going to be or there has been a feeling that 576 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,800 has been hard or difficult for you to be working through or a 577 00:32:56,808 --> 00:33:01,500 situation that has felt hard. And so, a lot of the time, one 578 00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:03,800 of the best things that we can do for ourselves in those 579 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:08,400 examples is to really just get back to those basics. 580 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,200 Of like, what a my routines and habits that help me. 581 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,000 Feel like a better version of me. 582 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,600 Maybe it's that you're not scrolling your phone in the 583 00:33:17,608 --> 00:33:20,000 mornings and when your alarm goes off, you get up, you get 584 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,000 straight out of bed, you do your skincare routine, you hydrate, 585 00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:28,700 maybe you have a coffee and you just sit for five minutes, maybe 586 00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:30,500 you go and grab your to-do list on your right. 587 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,900 Your to-do list out. Maybe a routine that you have, 588 00:33:33,900 --> 00:33:36,600 is that at lunch time, you actually take a lunch break and 589 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,600 step away from your computer, or your desk, or away from the 590 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,400 workplace. And you actually take a lunch 591 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,700 break, go and get outside, get some fresh air. 592 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,500 Maybe a routine or habit that you have is having a wind down 593 00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:50,300 routine. If an evening again, maybe doing 594 00:33:50,300 --> 00:33:52,800 your skincare. No technology after like 8:00 595 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,700 p.m. and reading your book of a nighttime in bed, stuff like 596 00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:59,500 that. So really getting clear on what 597 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:03,400 are my Basics? What are the routines or the 598 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:08,900 habits that I have that I know help me to feel good and what 599 00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:11,300 have I not been doing for myself lately? 600 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,400 What are some of those things that could help to fill my cup 601 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,300 back up? And for me to be feeling like 602 00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:20,900 I'm on the way to being that best version of myself. 603 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,300 And how can I be giving myself that compassion, and that 604 00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:29,800 empathy, and that understanding of, yes, things have felt hard 605 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:34,400 or like this has happened in life and yesterday was a really 606 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,699 hard day, but today, it's a fresh start. 607 00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:38,600 It's a new day. What am I going to be? 608 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,400 Doing to move through it. So with that comparative 609 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:46,500 suffering, that idea of understanding that you are going 610 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,199 to have hard days and hard moments and that's okay because 611 00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:52,400 you're human and it's very normal to fulfill that Happen 612 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,800 but to validate how you're feeling. 613 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,400 Instead of pushing aside, how you're feeling and validating, 614 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,600 how somebody else is potentially feeling or how much harder it 615 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:05,700 might be for somebody else. Let's just take a moment and 616 00:35:05,700 --> 00:35:09,100 just give yourself the compassion and the humanity and 617 00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:14,000 the acceptance that, okay? Yesterday, or last week or you 618 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,800 know, this thing that I'm going through at the moment is hard 619 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,300 and that's okay. But there's also things I can be 620 00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:23,000 doing and putting into place so that I can validate how I'm 621 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,300 feeling and also start to move towards how I want to be 622 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:29,300 feeling. And there you go. 623 00:35:29,300 --> 00:35:30,900 That's it for comparative suffering. 624 00:35:30,900 --> 00:35:33,100 You guys in for today's podcast episode. 625 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,700 I hope that I've covered it in the best way possible. 626 00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:38,100 I did have some notes for this episode because it is quite a 627 00:35:38,107 --> 00:35:40,500 big topic. So, of course, it goes without 628 00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:43,300 saying as usual, if you have any questions, if there's anything 629 00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:45,300 that you want to know, please just let me know. 630 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,100 And I would really, really love if you could leave me a review 631 00:35:49,100 --> 00:35:52,500 on whatever app it is that you listen to podcasts on. 632 00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:56,400 I know I do mention it a lot but I'm a totally independent 633 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,400 podcast. I Truly record this episode when 634 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:03,800 I can in between mom life and work life and relationship life 635 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,200 and, you know, all of the different things that I'm doing. 636 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,600 And I really appreciate each and every single one of you that 637 00:36:10,900 --> 00:36:13,300 continues to listen and continues to share over on 638 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,300 Instagram. It means so much to me. 639 00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:19,500 And it really does help me to feel motivated to keep showing 640 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,600 up and keep recording episodes for you guys. 641 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,400 But it would also mean the world to me. 642 00:36:23,700 --> 00:36:27,900 If you could take the time to leave a review, you and leave a 643 00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,800 rating wherever it is that you listen five stars. 644 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,800 Of course would be absolutely amazing. 645 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,500 If you think that it's deserving and I will see you next time. 646 00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:40,100 Bye. If you liked this episode I 647 00:36:40,107 --> 00:36:43,400 would love for you to screenshot and tag me on Instagram. 648 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,500 You guys have no idea how much that absolutely makes my day. 649 00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:49,900 I get such a big smile on my face. 650 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,900 Thank you so much for hanging out with me today and I hope 651 00:36:52,900 --> 00:36:55,400 that you have got them something from this episode. 652 00:36:55,700 --> 00:36:58,100 If you want to hang out more you can Search the nourishing. 653 00:36:58,100 --> 00:37:01,400 I'm a podcast community in Facebook and come and join our 654 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,800 group. 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Listen to this podcast on, I am 663 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,300 just a little independent podcaster and every subscribe 664 00:37:32,300 --> 00:37:36,500 and review helps my podcast to be seen and heard by more people 665 00:37:36,700 --> 00:37:39,100 and to help more people get their Sparkle back. 666 00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:41,700 Thank you again so much for being with me and have a 667 00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:42,800 fantastic day.