Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast.
I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence
and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness.
Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how
'but mindset changes and get really actionable.
Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you
can love yourself again and how to live your best life.
Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and
confidence. Reduce feelings like overwhelm
and stress and let find your sparkle again.
Are you ready? Let's do it.
Hello and welcome to episode 115 of the nourishing, Amy podcast.
And this is also episode 2 of the mum rage Series.
So today I am going to be talking to you about sensory
overload and sensory overstimulation.
And what that is I'm going to be talking to you about their
definitions and some different ways that you might notice this
coming up for you. And I'm also of course, going to
be giving you some different tools and tips and Ways that you
can be feeling more. Like, look, the best way that I
can describe it because this is something that is so common for
me. I would say if not at least
every second day at minimum. I noticed this coming up for me
not necessarily all the time on like, you know, level 10 out of
10 but it's definitely something that I notice even if it's just
like kind of humming away in the background that I noticed, okay?
I'm starting to feel a bit over stimulated hero really when it
gets to that 10 out of 10, I'm like I can't take anymore, you
know, noise or information through my senses.
I feel like I'm about to explode and that's a really common
reactive behavior when we are feeling very overloaded through
all of our senses, and we feel over stimulated.
Now, if you haven't listened to episode 1 in the mum rage
series, it is the episode before this one.
So number 114 and I spoke all about the mental load and what
that could look. And feel like for you.
And basically it's all of the open tabs that you can have in
your brain that can lead you to be feeling really overwhelmed,
maybe stressed and you might notice some of those reactive
behaviors coming up for you in those instances as well.
So like I was explaining in the last episode this whole series
and all of these episodes coming up.
I'm actually not too sure. How many there's going to be?
Probably about seven or eight. All of the episodes are really
going to come together to help you to Extend the different
aspects that can come into play for you to be feeling like you
have that Mum Rage or those reactive behaviors, that can
come up for you. That sometimes can feel a little
bit, like, whoa, I don't even know where that came from.
I feel like I just absolutely exploded and that wasn't
necessarily my intention. You might notice some guilt
coming up after that as well. And so we're going to be looking
at what out of all of these episodes in these factors that
can come into play. Do you resonate with or You
notice coming up for you and what can you actually be doing
to move through them, to be more aware of these things.
So that instead of getting to that 10/10 point that you are at
that exploding, real reactive behavior that maybe you can
start to notice these feelings coming up for you, maybe when
we're at, like a three or four out of ten or five out of ten
that it's like okay I'm noticing this coming up.
This is also why because I have the awareness of like I am
feeling really overwhelmed or I do.
You have? I do feel like I've got 15
different tabs open in my brain today and I've really
overcommitted myself and my mental load, is just feeling a
lot. Or there's a lot of things that
have been happening. There's a lot of noise that's
happening around me. And I'm feeling a bit agitated
or frustrated before we get to the point of I'm about to
explode. Now, before I jump into all of
the content for today, of course, I'm going to give you my
recommendation for this episode. Now, I actually have two
recommendations for this. Third there is super relevant to
the specific topic of sensory overload and overstimulation.
The very first one is an Instagram account.
Her name on Instagram is Anna, the anxiety coach.
So, if you search enter the anxiety coach, she will come up
and she has such great. Great content.
So she has fantastic reals, she's got really informative.
Carousels. The reason I like her reels is
because she does a lot of the practices and shows a lot of the
practices that she's commending physically in the real and you
can see her doing it. So it gives you a really good
visual of like, okay. If I was to try this specific
tool for myself, this is what it would look like and also how
carousels like I said very informative.
There's a lot of different information and different tools
and mindset changes and things like that that you can be
starting to bring in. But she also explains why they
can be beneficial and how they can be useful as well.
So really focusing. A lot on things like serotonin
and dopamine hormones. Those kind of happy, feel-good
hormones and how we can get them happening.
A little more often. Things like reducing anxiety,
things like re-regulating, our nervous system, really focusing
on things like the vagus nerve, feeling less, anxious, feeling
less reactive, all of those types of things.
So if you are looking for some different ways that you can
really proactively and quite easily as well.
Be including some of these different practices in your days
and some of them honestly will take you like 20 seconds to do
honestly like this is the reason why I love her page so much as
well and why I really you know you guys know I always talk
about making these things that you're incorporating into your
days. Making these new tools that
you're bringing into your habits in your routines, feel easy,
accessible, and achievable because if I was to say to you,
okay, I want you to go and scroll through and his Instagram
page and pick. Five things that you think could
really resonate with you and give them a go this week.
If those five things are going to take you 10 minutes, each
automatically your brains. Just like, oh, no.
It's too much. I don't have an extra 50 minutes
in my days for me to be incorporating these things.
So that's another reason why I really enjoy her content.
Now, I actually have given a few quite a few of my clients
recommendations to go over and have a look at her videos or
I'll regularly send some of her videos and reels.
Or carousels through to them. And say this is what we're
talking about in our one-on-one session this week.
These are the tools, this is what it would actually look like
for you to implement this. Or this is what we were talking
about, so she's just fantastic. I can't speak any more highly of
her. I really love her page, so go
and check out and of the anxiety coach on Instagram.
If you noticed that, reactive behavior is something that's
coming up for you, and also a book recommendation that I have
is the highly sensitive person. So The reason that this is a
recommendation, I haven't actually personally read this
book myself but when I was doing research for this specific topic
of that sensory overload and overstimulation, this books was
coming up a lot. There was a lot of different
pages that were recommending it a lot of different blog posts
and things like that that we're recommending it.
And I thought there has to be something in this here.
But I really liked a quote, that was from the book that says
parents who are constantly over stimulated run, the risk of
exploding and acting out in anger, with their children, and
Recent research shows that they're more likely to suffer
from burnout, self care has become a buzzword now, but it's
always been crucial for highly, sensitive mums, and dads, and I
really loved that idea. You, if you have listened to any
of my other episodes on things like self care taking time for
yourself, all of those kinds of things that I talked very
regularly about self-care being a buzzword and it's like that
idea. I don't know if you have gotten
onto the different hashtags and things like that over on
Tick-Tock or Instagram of like that girl routines and it's
like, you know, baked being that girl and I actually don't even
know how to explain that girl, but it's like all the classic
like, you know, making your bed reading a book.
It's going and sitting out in the sun with a coffee, like all
of the stuff and, yes, all of those things are really
beneficial but it's like it's become popular now, Now to be,
including all of these different things without actually really
being intentional with them. It's like I'm just doing this
because you know, Instagram tells me I should but it's like,
well, hang on. Can we focus on?
Okay, if you are going to choose to make your bed every day, be
present with that thing that you're doing and think about,
like, I feel so much better. Like, I feel cleaner.
I felt idea. I feel like I've got my life
together a little bit. If I've liked made my bed, and
done my skincare in the morning, or if you are having a cup of
tea and sitting down to do some Delaying or to do a quick
meditation in the morning. Why are you actually doing that?
Be present with that activity? Instead of just doing all the
popular or like Buzzy things? And like she says, it's always
been crucial. Yes, it's a buzzword but it's
always been crucial for highly sensitive mums, and dads, and
really thinking about there's a reason behind why?
I am taking time for myself. Let's say, for example, you've
chosen to things from Anna's Instagram, Ain't that you want
to be incorporating or implementing into your routines
for the day remembering when you're doing them.
There's a reason why I'm doing this.
And it's really important for me to be present with this thing
while I'm doing it. Not just making it another tick
box for the day because it's going to help me to feel less
explosive to feel less. Like I'm about to have this
reactive behavior and have that explode out onto everybody else
around me. So, let's have a look.
At some definitions and I really want to talk to you guys as well
about some questions or answers and responses that came through
over on my Instagram as well. Because I have to be honest, I
was having a bit of a morning. Ali was really sick last week
and we've got all of the things going around.
I'm sure you guys are very familiar, but we've got our SV.
We've got hand foot and mouth, we've got influenza, we've got
the big see. All of the things are going
around and Ali was just really unwell turns out.
He had bronchitis Titus. And so he was very clingy.
So I'm going to be talking to you about all the different ways
that we can notice feeling sensory overload or
overstimulation, but he was very clingy.
He was quite windy who's very upset and he just wasn't feeling
himself and it was like 8:30 a.m. and I was just like, oh my
God, we've only been up for, you know, an hour and a half two
hours. And I already feel like I'm at
My Breaking Point, like just the overstimulation all of the noise
and the touch and the, you know, we want to think about all of
our different senses and how we can take in a lot of
information. So, sensory overload happens
when something around us overstimulates one or more of
our senses. So some different examples of
that might be that there might be allowed TV on.
Maybe there's clutter around your house it could be a windy
child or a crying baby maybe E. It's a crowded room or you walk
into say a cafe or a room. And there's a smell that you
don't particularly like suddenly there's too much information
coming through your senses for your brain, to be able to
process all of that all at once. So it could be one of those
things but it could be a whole host of those things as well.
So it's funny, I was talking to my Grandma over the weekend
because I went to pick her up and drop her back home and I was
asking How she was feeling and how she was doing in, my paw
wasn't at home and I said, oh, you feeling a little bit lonely,
or do you get bored if past not at home and she laughed?
And she said, no, it's actually so peaceful because the TV's not
on all the radios, not on, and I can just have some space for my
brain and it's just nice and quiet and peaceful and I
laughed. And I said, oh my gosh, that's
so funny. You say that because I'm exactly
the same and Aaron's the exact opposite.
So Aaron's very much like my par in that, you know, he if he's
doing work around the house. He'll have the TV on just like I
was background noise. Like white noise kind of thing
and he'll he won't care. It'll just be like a random TV
show, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the office, whatever, or some music
playing in the background. And for me, I think because I
noticed that especially when all is around, if it's not a daycare
day, there's a lot more noise. He's got his toys is got like,
you know, all of the things happening and that him himself
making all of the noise and smashing everything around that.
When I do have an Eddie that maybe he's having a nap or he is
at daycare that I do really enjoy that peace and quiet.
And I definitely agree with my grandma when she says it's
peaceful and it's like my brain has some space.
So it's it. Like I said, it can be multiples
of these things. Maybe it is that the TV's on and
that there's a windy child or a crying baby or that there's a
lot of people around, you know, all of the different things that
can be happening. And like that example that I was
giving for myself the other Morning, there was multiple
different things happening for me, there that the sound, the
physical touch, and just like the general like neediness and
clinginess, and my needs being so out words of my self in those
moments. And I'm sure that anyone that's
had a sick child or just a child, in general can resonate
with some of these different moments.
Now, like I said, I popped a pole.
And also question box up on my Instagram.
Now, in the poll, It was literally just a selfie of me
and I said, I just explained how I was feeling and that I was
feeling really over stimulated and asked if anybody else ever
gets the same or feels the same 100% of responses over on
Instagram said that they felt the same 100%.
There was over 75 responses to that and I thought I really want
to share that because I hope that that helps you to feel a
little more normal because I know that when I get to the
point of exploding, Aiding and like I just can't take it
anymore. I also get that Mom guilt, that
comes straight after that. And I feel so bad and I also
feel like, why doesn't anybody? Why doesn't anybody else talk
about this? Why doesn't this happen to
anybody else? You know, all of those different
types of thoughts can start to come up and I mean in my line of
work, of course I know that this happens with other people, but
in the moment it feels really big.
So 100% of those responses over on Instagram.
First said that they feel the same Now some comments that I
got as well because then after that I put up a question box and
just said, do you have any comments or do you have any
questions things that you would like me to run through?
So a few DM's came through a few questions and comments, someone
said my own anxiety means sometimes there's so much noise
in my brain already that I snap at the kids when they make a
small amount of noise and it feels all too much.
And I thought that was a really interesting point noticing that
this response in this response, she was She notices that even
when she's already feeling anxious that, it's like
everything's already heightened to.
There's already noise in my brain or maybe like I was
talking about earlier, that mental load is already starting
to build up and build up. And this is why I've decided to
break these topics down into different episodes because
honestly, there's just way too many factors that come into play
with this, to put them Just in one episode.
So I think Different layers of things, like Shrek and the onion
different layers of things can be happening at any one time
that is contributing to this mum rage.
So we can have the mental noise or the mental load happening.
And then, even when we've got a small amount of noise like this
responder was saying that it just feels like it's just all
too much and then she also notices that she feels guilty
after that as well. I also had someone DM me and Say
that she actually has sensory processing disorder.
And so basically what that means is there's two different types
of sensory processing disorder or sensory processing in
general, we have sensory seeking and we have sensory avoidance.
So sensory seeking is people that like life to be loud.
They like the messy play, they don't care if things are untidy,
they like all the bright colors and they don't mind if things
might It feel to somebody else over stimulating, they really
Thrive off that and sensory avoidance is essentially the
exact opposite of that. Now interestingly what this
beautiful responder was saying is that she is sensory avoidant.
So she's the opposite of those things.
She likes that peace and quiet. She likes things.
She feels a lot more calm when things are tidy and things like
that. But her child is sensory seeking
and so her Old is the opposite of that and loves all of the
noise and the messy play and getting untidy and all of those
different types of things. And so I think it's really
interesting when we can recognize something coming up
for us again, like I was saying earlier bringing that awareness
to it of. Okay, I can see what's happening
here and sometimes that's one of the biggest steps that we can
take is to create that awareness.
Create that understanding for ourselves of like I recognize
why I'm feeling like this. And this is what I'm actually
going to be able to do about it. Now I had another comment come
through that said I'm not a mom but I I still get like this, can
you explain what it is? And how to avoid it?
The reason I wanted to include that one in the podcast is
because this 100% is not only related to mums or parents,
anybody can feel sensory overload.
So yes I can definitely explain what it is and I can definitely
talk about how we can avoid it as well.
Things that we can do to feel more calm again go and check out
and the anxiety coach if you are looking for some really quick
fire ways that you can look at avoiding and then I also had
another comment come through. That said, excessive questions,
FML. And that was something that they
were noticing, makes them feel overloaded or over stimulated.
Again, that would be an aspect of the noise or the sound since
the hearing sense. It's sorry that, you know, it's
like the questions. The questions, the questions.
Oh my gosh. Like now I'm feeling
overwhelmed. Now I'm feeling over stimulated.
Why do I have to keep answering all of these questions?
And I'm sure again anybody that has a child or has been around
child, especially around, of course, like once they can talk.
So, you know, that, two, three, four, five age group will really
be able to resonate with that. It's funny one of the examples
that we use when we're teaching the five.
Why's Theory and how this can be really beneficial literally the
example that we use is like think about a three or four year
old child and one of their most common or favorite questions is
and everybody that has been around a three or four year old
child will say. But why?
And that's how we teach the five wise theory.
If I'm doing a group Workshop is, well, that's exactly what I
want you to do. Now, when you are doing
something like say, for example, setting a goal set your goal,
right? Your goal out at the top of the
page, but then I want you to ask yourself, why five times and Get
deeper. So it can be a very beneficial
practice when you're doing it for yourself.
But it can also be something that does feel really
overwhelming when it's it's not voluntary or when you're not
choosing the questions to to answer yourself.
Now, really most of the time it can be easy enough to escape the
discomfort that we're feeling if it's a personal sense of
overwhelm or The stimulation. So say, for example you notice
that you're at a party or you're in a really crowded room, you
could choose to leave that party or leave that crowded room.
Or if we use that example of walking into that Cafe, all that
room and you didn't like a particular smell, you could get
up and you could choose to leave that room or maybe it's that the
TV's really loud. Your partner's got the TV on and
you're like, okay, well, I'm going to go and have a shower or
cook dinner or whatever that you can choose to leave that.
Room, leave the TV turn the TV off.
Ask someone to turn the TV down, but as you know, you can't
control everything especially other people and especially your
children. The only things that you can
control is your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors, and
your physiology, which also means that everybody else's
thoughts, feelings behaviors and Physiology is outside of your
control and that also includes your children.
And yes, everyone, Surround you. Now there was a really cool
example. Like just a very simple real.
Life example of this that I was like, oh wow, I've never thought
about it like that before. Let's say for example that you
need to go to the bathroom and you're out at the shops so you
need to use the public bathroom. When you walk in there, you may
not even notice but these things are happening.
These noises and things are happening around you.
You've got the noise of the hand dryers.
Maybe there's the actual smell of the bathroom.
There may be some other people in there that are talking and
maybe their voices are echoing. So we've got the noise of the
hand. Dryers the smell of the bathroom
there, echoing voices, that can all feel overwhelming, and that
can lead to a sensory overload, not just in adults, but in
children as well, especially in children, we can notice that
they feel quite sensory overloaded when they're also
acting out and that might feel frustrating for you because
their behavior is causing you to also feel overloaded or
overstimulated. But when you think about some of
these things, especially if it's a younger child that they're
experiencing, they may have never experienced before.
So not only are they trying to process the actual situation or
circumstances in front of them, but they're also Trying to
process through all of their different sensors, what's
happening as well, and that can feel really overwhelming for
them. So you also can have in this
public restroom. That there's a lot of things
that are operating automatically, like, outside of
your control. The toilets are flushing without
anybody flushing them sometimes. Like, if there's someone next to
you or a few doors over from you, there could be the hand
dryers going on without you actually doing anything.
Someone else is drying. Their hands.
There's a lot of stuff happening in that, you know, maybe 25
minutes space of time. And that's such a simple
example. And the reason that I wanted to
bring that into this episode is because if we think about that
as a really, really basic example of something that could
happen while we're out and about, we can extend that and
then start to think about well how many other things are kind
of Just Happening automatically around me that I don't have a
lot of control over That is causing me to feel over
stimulated overwhelmed, really sensory overload.
One of the other things that I really wanted to talk about as
well. That can play such a big part in
this, is that a lot of the time, especially, if you're a mum, you
are running off. The absolute minimum, the bare
minimum, you maybe have eaten a few of their food scraps from
your kids breakfast, maybe you've had a coffee that Inning.
Maybe you have not had a great night's sleep.
Maybe you've been up with the kids or you just haven't slept
great because you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, you've got a
lot of tabs open in your brain. All of these different things
that come into play cause a spike in Adrenaline when we have
a spike in our adrenaline and a cortisol and they are
heightened, we are more likely to feel like we're on the edge
already. So if you take that into account
that your Baseline like you're already running off the absolute
minimum, That your body needs to survive and it's such a common
thing. You're not nourishing yourself.
Well, in this isn't, because you're choosing not to, it's
just because some days, this is just what, it's like.
I had a post on my Instagram on my story.
The other day, I hadn't showered for two days because all he had
been so sick and because, you know, everything still needs to
get done around the house. The dinner still needs to be
cooked. The house still needs to be
cleaned. Ali needs to be looked after and
he needs a lot more. More attention and a lot more
love and affection when he's not well, my needs.
Then automatically start to go down the list.
And it's funny because when we were talking about self-care
earlier and I was mentioning that and that, yes, these things
are important, it's not that we are never going to have these
moments that your self-care goes completely out the window for a
few days, or a week or how, you know, however, long it might be.
But the really important thing that we also want to remember
here is that, it's okay. These things to happen from time
to time. But it's when these are really
regular, when you're pushing your own needs down and you are
at the very bottom of your own priority list for days and weeks
at a time without really being aware of it.
That's when we can feel really stressed, really overwhelmed.
We can start to get feelings like resentment coming up for
you as well. And resentment is a very big, a
very big feeling that can really lead to a Lot of reactive
behaviors as well. I did do a podcast episode on
resentment but I can't remember what I hear.
It is episode 97. So if you notice a resentment,
is a feeling that comes up for, you definitely go and have a
listen to that. But basically, when you think
about running off that bare, minimum what I really want you
to consider in making a change to that, that doesn't feel like
okay. I've got to sit down and have
like, you know, my big breakfast and Hydrate with Her and doing
all the things and, you know, taking half an hour for myself
in the morning. If that doesn't feel achievable
limit your coffee, so I don't mean that you need to cut out
coffee altogether, but be aware. That coffee is something that
spikes your adrenaline and your cortisol.
So maybe instead of having two or three or I know people that
have sometimes four or five coffees a day, maybe you limit
that to I'm just going to cut down.
I'm going to have one coffee in the morning and then maybe I
have a decaf in the afternoon if that's the habit.
It that I haven't known you still enjoy that taste of coffee
in the afternoon. So you have a decaf tea or
Ginger and apple tea, if you follow me on Instagram you would
know that's my favorite at the moment.
Eat or snack regularly. So again, if you're just living
off the food scraps from your kids, can you proactively make
yourself some really easily accessible quick on the go
snacks? Maybe you make yourself some
Bliss balls or something like that.
That you can just grab and go. There's a recipe The that I
really really liked using and it was super easy.
And I used to make a huge batch of them on a Sunday.
They're called oatcakes, I don't even know.
I'd have to go and see where I can find the recipe for you, but
it's literally just like eggs banana flower.
Maybe Greek yogurt. Anyway, I used it and they're,
like, high-protein with the eggs yummy with the flour, the
banana. And I used to make a huge batch
of them and just Chuck them in the fridge so that I could just
like grab a file. Was like on the go grab three or
four small little muffins out of the fridge on my way out the
door and even eat them in the car while I'm driving.
You know. So again it's not about making
these things feel really hard. It's like how can I fit these
things into my day that I'm snacking regularly?
So my blood sugar levels are more even and limiting coffee so
that my adrenaline and my cortisol isn't spiking super
regularly during the day through something that I can actually
control. Like your coffee is your Intake
is something that you have control over your kids Behavior,
not so much right and make some small moments of quiet for your
mind. Take 30 seconds, like pull up
park, your car, take 10 deep breaths, and then get out of the
car again, small, easy, achievable things that you can
be doing. So let's have a look at some
actual steps and some tools and some mindset changes that you
can be bringing in. I've got quite a few, let me
count. One, two, three, four.
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Ten different things that you can be doing.
So we already spoke about awareness but this is really
your first step you guys will know every episode.
You can't change something. If you're not aware of it, sit
down and think about for a second.
Now what are the things that are contributing to my sensory
overwhelm or overload? When am I feeling over
stimulated? When do I feel like I'm about to
explode and what happened for me?
When was the last time? I felt like I was about to
explode or when was the last time that you did explode and
maybe you yelled at the kids or you yelled at your partner or
you came into your room and you yelled into your pillow?
I don't know. Whatever, when was the last time
that that happened for you? What led to that?
What was happening before that for you?
And we're creating that awareness point that there.
No. Okay.
Chances are this this and this thing is a contributing factor
to me feeling over stimulated or overwhelmed.
I'm going to start to be more aware of these things.
What if I took a step, you know, a few minutes beforehand before
I got to that 10/10 exploding point, a few minutes beforehand.
If I was out like a five or ten five out of ten or a 6 out of
10, what was happening for me, there.
Where do I notice it in my body? Like For me it's like I can feel
it in my chest I can feel it in my throat it's like it starts
rising up and up. I know some of my clients
explain it, as I could just feels like this hot sensation, I
dislike, this heat that starts to come up.
Come up and then all of a sudden, it's like, boom, it's
happened, it's out, and I've exploded and now I'm yelling and
I don't even know what I'm yelling about.
And then a few minutes later, now I'm feeling bad and I feel
guilty for yelling so it can look different for everybody.
So creating that Awareness on When was the last time this
happened for me. What did it look and feel like
what led to that? But also, if I can take a step
back for a few minutes, what was going on for me?
Where do I feel that physically in my body or sensor Ali in my
body? Where do I notice that, and what
what's my physiology? What a my thoughts doing and
saying in those moments leading up to it?
And how can I be more aware of that in the future?
Because if we can create awareness around that it means
that you're more likely to be able able to capture it out
before we get to that 10 out of 10.
Now, a few different tools that you can be using some of them
simple. Some of them, a little more
detailed. One of them really simply
sharing or voicing how you're feeling, if you have somebody
else in your household with you. That's, you know, a responsible
adult and you're noticing. Hey, I am really on the edge
here, really, simply telling that other person, I need you to
step in for a minute. I need to get out of this room
for a second, okay? I'm just about to explode.
How much more beneficial is it for you to actually be able to
voice how you're feeling and share that with somebody else
and let them know what you need before.
You get to that point that you explode, you've got that
reactive Behavior happening and then you've got to feel guilty
and then you've got to be going and kind of like picking up the
pieces after that not only by sharing or voicing how you're
feeling. Is that helping you?
It's also really healthy in helping you to set a boundary of
like, hey, I need I need help here, I need assistance.
I need someone else to step in here for just a second.
So I can step away, especially if you've got young kids around
you, obviously, it's not always going to be achievable for you
to just leave the room. So if there's somebody else
that's there with you, even if there's not somebody that's
there with you in the moment and I mean this is what I love about
my one-on-one coaching clients and why I always say to them,
I'm not just your coaching our sessions, I'm your coach every
single day in between. If you need me, if something's
happening for you, reach out to me, let me know.
I'll get a random voice memo like 9:10 on a Tuesday Morning
from someone that's like, hey, I just need to let you know.
This is happening in. This is how I'm feeling and they
may respond a few minutes after they've sent that memo and say,
oh my gosh, I feel so much better.
Thank you for holding that space for me and just letting me
voice, how I was feeling, I see what's happening now.
I feel a lot better feel like I was able to debrief for a few
minutes with you in that voice memo.
Sometimes they'll even say things like you don't even need
to bother responding like just thanks for listening.
So so sharing a voicing, how you're feeling?
Whether that is with somebody that's actually physically in
the room with you, maybe you pick up the phone and you bring
a friend or you voice memo someone or you get a coach and
you utilize them to be able to bounce off them, how you're
feeling? Another tool that I have, is
what we call at bu leveraging or leaning in.
And what I mean by that is when we're thinking about our
feelings, especially when we're feeling over stimulated,
overwhelmed, overloaded when our sensors are really in, If a
drive a lot of the time, what we want to be doing first is
leaning in, and then leveraging. So, if you think about us from a
scale, from one to ten, one being like, I'm fine, no big
feelings are really coming up for me.
I'm feeling really good. 10 being like, this is the most
absolute extrema, could be feeling this feeling.
If you are feeling like you are about to explode, or you're
really overwhelmed and you are at a 7 out of 10 or more.
None of these different tools that I'm talking about out of
all of these 10, different things are going to help you if
you're at a 7 out of 10 or more. If you're eight nine, ten out of
ten, overwhelmed, anxious, stressed frustrated, cranky
angry, whatever the feeling is, that's coming up for you.
Your logical brain has switched off.
And if I was to say to you, in that moment, when you're like,
10/10 frustrated or angry or overwhelmed, hey, like is this
Really within your control though or is this somebody else
and you're 10/10 your response to me is going to be a me
honestly fuck off. I can't.
I cannot even listen to you right now because the logical
brain isn't going to kick in. So what we want to do is lean in
first and what I mean by that is if you notice that you are
nearing that or getting past that 7 out of 10 or more, what
would it look like for me to feel this feeling right now and
So I've got a few different ways as one of my other points for
re-regulating, your nervous system, but for some people, it
might be things like, I need to just go and take some deep
breaths, maybe for some other people.
And I know this one works really well for me, and I love this
one, coming into my room and yelling into my pillow, it's
like shifting that energy. If you've listened to my podcast
on masculine versus feminine energy, or like the yin and the
Yang, the busy and the flow of life.
Life. There's a few different things
in that episode as well that is all about kind of re-regulating
and shifting that energy in your body as well.
So a lot of the time when we're feeling really frustrated,
really overwhelmed, really over stimulated.
There's energy. That needs to be shifted and
that's why we get to that explosion point and that point
of like 10/10 like La, it just happened, like a lot of the
time, especially, like, with some of my clients that we've
been talking about this really recently, is, like, I don't even
know, like I don't I didn't even notice that it was happening and
then all of a sudden I was like, whoa, where did that come from?
That's the leaning in part that we want to be talking about
first because when you are able to lean in, when I am able to
come into the bedroom and yell into my pillow instead of
yelling at Ali or whatever the case may be, then I've been able
to release some of that energy to shift some of that energy
around my body. And then the feeling is, maybe
we're sitting up like a four or five out of ten.
It's still there, it's not that. It's On a way altogether.
But then we can start leveraging with some of our tools on
mindset changes. And then in that moment, if
someone comes up to me and says, okay, so you're out of 44, out
of 10 and I know you're still feeling a bit frustrated.
What is within your control in this moment?
And what is not within your control.
My logical brain can kick in because I'm not overly
heightened, or overly stimulated that I can recognize.
Oh, okay, I can see that someone or something else is really
getting to me here. I can't do.
Anything about that. What can I control in this
situation? And I'm so much more able to
think logically and to come up with different solutions,
different ideas, and to try different things and actually
feel like they're going to work. So that's the difference between
leveraging and leaning in. So what I really encourage you
to do is do a check in with yourself out of 10.
How intense do I feel this feeling right now if you're at a
7 out of 10 or more, what does it look like for me to give
myself permission to Simply Feel This Feeling?
How could I feel the most Frustrated, the most angry, the
most disappointed, the most overwhelmed that I could, what
does it look like for me to just let that out and lean into this
feeling. Also for me, a lot of the time,
it's crying. I know I spoken about the
example that I've used previously when I was feeling
really overwhelmed and like I didn't have enough time to get
all the things done for the day, had too many things on my plate
and in my calendar and I was repressing repressing and
thought I was doing a pretty good job of it during the
morning. And then, by the time I got to
lunch time, I was standing in the middle of my kitchen crying
because I just needed to release that energy and shift that
emotion. So crying is also another one
that could help you in that leaning in process to, then be
able to leverage and start to think logically.
Okay. What's my next step from here?
Now, my next one I've done a real on this before which was
pretty popular, it is the Holt Theory.
And what I mean by that is H alt Holt Theory and we want to Get
clear on what each of these letters stand for and what they
might look and feel like for you.
So, H stands for Hungry, a stands for angry, L stands for
lonely, and T stands for tired. So am I hungry?
Angry, lonely or tired. You might be a mix of all of
them. This was one of the most
beneficial things that I learnt. When Ali was first born, I was
suffering with post natal depression and it was Really
difficult for me to be able to even just get back to my sense
of self because for those of you that have had a new baby or have
been through the newborn phase and that Readjustment back into
like well this is who I am now like I'm a mum now, it's not
just me, was really, really difficult for me.
I have actually done a whole podcast episode on Holt Theory
which is episode 106. It's a therapy Thursday episode
and it's called Holt theory for ways to reduce Teeth, behaviors
and reactions. So if you want to know more
about whole Theory, in-depth, go and have a listen to that one
number 106, but basically what you're doing is questioning
okay, am I hungry? When was the last time I
nourished my body, am I angry? How am I feeling?
Is there any big feelings coming up for me?
Am I lonely have I not had connection with somebody
recently like what it look like maybe me reaching out to a
friend and having a phone call, sending a text message like I
was saying earlier, just voicing how you're feeling?
Are you tired? And I mean look a lot of us are
tired. A lot of us lead, very busy
lives and sometimes especially if you've got kids.
There's not a lot that you can do about feeling tired.
If you've got somebody else that is not within your control,
waking you up overnight time. But also what I mean by tired is
when was the last time you actually rested like gave your
brain some space for a few minutes so we can look at
different things that you can be doing to just get some brain
space, close out some of those tabs.
Some deep breaths. Do a quick two minute meditation
things like that that it's not necessarily actually sleeping or
having a nap because that's not always going to feel achievable.
That's very rarely going to feel achievable during the day.
But also, when we think about tired, it's like, okay, well,
what are my morning and evening routines is there?
Things I could be shaking up in those routines that mean I am
going to get more rest or that I am able to get even half an hour
more sleep, you know, the next one I have is accepting the
moment and Letting go of expectations now, this one, I'm
going to go into a lot more depth in another episode,
because expectations and accepting the moment is a whole
whole other topic. But really the next point to try
and bring in is accepting the moment and letting go of
expectations. Now, this one is actually going
to be a whole nother mum rage episode in itself because it's a
huge topic. But really, simply in this
instance, when we're talking about sensory overload, What
we're thinking about is say for example your child is wengie or
crying or throwing a tantrum or whatever the case may be.
A lot of the time, the frustration that we can feel and
the overload. All the overwhelm that we can
feel is exacerbated by the thought of like, oh my gosh,
stop crying or stop throwing a tantrum or stop doing whatever
it is that they're doing the expectation.
Is that the child or the other person?
Whoever it is, is going to stop doing that thing or that you
wish They weren't doing the thing that they were doing, and
that's where again, like I said, we exacerbate the feeling so
it's not that we're not going to feel overwhelmed or overloaded
or over stimulated. But we make it feel worse, or
heightened by wishing that, the reality was different.
So the expectation is this person is not going to be acting
the way that they are. And when that expectation is not
met and they are acting the way that they are in reality.
The frustration comes between those two gaps there where it's
like, I wish this wasn't happening or I wish this was the
case that things were different. That this situation or
circumstance that I'm in right now is different and more, calm
and peaceful. But it's not that feels
frustrating. So that's a very brief example
of the accepting the moment and letting go of expectations, but
really simply to bring that into context with this episode of
what we're talking about today is okay, my child is having a
From all my child's ringing really clingy today, or whatever
is coming up for you in that day, that is causing the
overwhelm and the frustration. Can you just be in the moment
and accept and sometimes that acceptance piece also comes in
around like, well, you know, I thought I was going to get this
this and this done today or this was on my to-do list or these
were the things I was going to be getting done while Ali was
napping, for example, and I was going to get all this work done
and now that's not happening today.
We're not accepting the reality of the situation, and that's
when things feel frustrating and when our expectations are
feeling like they're not being met, so have a listen to
probably the next episode. I think I'll talk about
expectations with you. Now, the next point that I have
is doing some rage cleaning or a chore.
So the reason that this can be helpful for some people, not
everybody because again, it can bring up feelings like
resentment. But the reason that something
like some people call it Rage cleaning or like a chore like,
vacuuming it means that you are really focused on that one thing
that you're doing. So say, for example, you decide
to go and clean the bathroom and you get out your toothbrush and
start scrubbing, the grout or your vacuuming and because when
you're vacuuming, you're really focusing on the vacuum and the
floor and picking up all the little pieces of stuff that's on
the floor, that it gives your brain a chance to get into its
Flow State. Instead of the In the overwhelm,
the snowballing thoughts from one thing to the next thing.
To the next thing you give yourself the opportunity to just
focus on that one thing that you're doing.
So it's not all of the time going to be ideal like a lot of
the time when I'm at that lack 10/10, I'm like, I don't feel
like cooking dinner right now. It's actually the last thing
that I feel like doing, but I know that it's probably going to
help me to feel a bit better. Number one, I'm going to feel
productive because in is going to be cooked and that's done but
also number two. I've been so focused on chopping
the veggies reading the recipe like doing all of the different
steps that by the time that's finished.
Okay. Maybe now I'm feeling like I'm
at that four or five out of ten, right?
So get clear on something that helps you to get into that flow
State. Whether it's doing a chore
cleaning, the house folding, the washing like doing something and
maybe that also Might look like habit, stacking for you as well.
So, if it's doing a chore like folding, the laundry, if you're
like me, and you've shoved all the clothes off, the end of the
bed that we're going to get folded.
And there on the floor, again, popping your headphones in and
listening to a podcast episode. Maybe while you do that or
watching a reality TV show while you're doing it, so that it
feels like it's less of a chore and more of like a, okay?
I'm layering this with something for me as well or making this
more enjoyable for myself by doing this thing.
The next option that I have getting some Sure.
So making a to-do list and focusing on those two or three
things. So a lot of the time overwhelm
overstimulation things like that can come from again that mental
load and having a lot of different tabs open in your
brain. So get some structure and I
don't mean go and make a to-do list with 25 different things on
there for the day, because that in itself is going to feel
overwhelming for you. If we touch back on those
expectations, you cannot expect yourself to get 25 things done
during the day, if you're already feeling.
Overwhelmed overloaded over stimulated and you've already
got another 50 things on your list from yesterday, right?
So let's be a little bit realistic.
Yes, make your to-do list and maybe that does look like a
brain dump that you do put all 25 things on there, but then
again, like I've spoken about in other podcast episodes, go
through that list then and focus on those main two or three
things. Those non-negotiables for the
day and focus on getting them done for you.
So, Then what that does is it gives you some structure, some
direction for the day. It gives you something to focus
on that is outwards of. Oh my gosh, I feel so
overwhelmed. And so stressed.
The next point I have in, like, I mentioned very briefly earlier
was re-regulating, your nervous system.
So, again, go and have a look at some of the options that Anna
has over on her Instagram, but re-regulating, your nervous
system is going to look different to every single
individual person, listening to this episode.
So for some people, it's going to be just sitting Enjoying five
or ten deep breaths for other people.
It might be listening to some music putting on your favorite
playlist, putting on like a real upbeat playlist.
Maybe it's putting on some jazz music or some relaxing classical
music or some R&B like whatever it is.
It's going to be different for you.
One of my clients and I absolutely love this.
She has what she calls a reset shower.
And so what that means is she can feel she notices when she's
really getting to that like 10 out of 10.
TenPoint. And so, she will go and have a
reset shower. A lot of the time, she'll have a
bit of a cry in the shower, which I actually did last night
and I highly recommend it was very therapeutic but she calls
it a research shower because the intention behind that shower is
like ok. I'm changing my environment.
So to actually explain what happens in your brain when you
are actively focusing on doing something like a research shower
is you are actively making the decision to change your
environment. So you're changing A physiology
or your body by moving away, from whatever the environment
was that you were in. So maybe you're in the kitchen
or the lounge room, or someone's bedroom.
You're actively moving yourself out of that environment.
So, you're changing your environment, you're changing
your physiology. So maybe when you were feeling
that 10/10, you had your hands clenched or you were sitting
down and you had your arms folded or you're standing up and
you had your arms folded. And you were Your clenched heart
racing voice, raised all of these physiology patterns or
things that you're doing with your body, is every single.
One of those little things adds up to make a recipe for your
brain to know that I feel overloaded, I feel frustrated, I
feel angry whatever. The feeling is you're creating
that recipe with every single little thing that you're doing
with your physiology, your all your body in that moment.
And so what you can do to shift that is Something like going and
having a reset shower. Not only are you changing the
environment that you were in but we're using anchors to go into a
different space. So a sensory anchor is changing
things in your senses or that your senses are taking in.
So your environment, your physiology and your body, and
maybe you also have a calming body wash that you use in there
or you really like your shampoo and your condition or you have a
specific face mask that you use with the specific intention of
feeling more. Um, if you're stepping into that
shower and you let yourself again, if we use that leveraging
or leaning, in example, you just give yourself permission to lean
into that big feeling first and maybe you have a cry, like she
does or like I do, and you let yourself feel the feelings then
after a few minutes, you might notice.
I feel so much better. I've been able to just let some
of that feeling go and I'm feeling a bit more regulated.
Now what can I do for myself? Maybe I'm washing my hair or I'm
using that favorite body wash. Shhhh.
We're using some sensory anchors to Anchor in a feeling that you
want to be feeling. So maybe they are things that
help to make you feel more calm or maybe you feel more energized
or whatever it is that you're looking for.
So re-regulating, that nervous system with something like a
research shower. If that feels good for you
again. Also something that I mentioned
yelling into your pillow, one of the ones that I really enjoy
doing, it's directing that Rage or mum rage and I say that in
inverted commas because like, you know, yes, it's a thing and
it's a word but like, you know, we don't need to really buy into
when we start to buy into our labels.
That's when we can start to get into a little bit of trouble as
well. Which labels is another podcast,
episode that you can go and have a look for if you would like to
listen to that, but yelling into your pillow, it's channeling
that energy and that need or that want to get it out by
yelling in a more constructive way.
So that instead of yelling at somebody or that anger or rage
or frustration, being directed towards somebody else, you're
still getting the same effect. You're still able to let that
energy out. But in a more constructive way,
which means that then, the, hopefully the flow-on effect
after that is also that you can maybe go and have more of a
constructive conversation if it's with an adult or a child
that would understand that or you've been able to re-regulate
your System enough that you can meet that child where they are
and you can hold space for them if they need it.
If they're really having a bit of a meltdown maybe it's
something like doing a two minute meditation.
So there's so many different ways that you can re regulate
your nervous system and you will know like something will come to
mind for you. That's like yeah, that's one
thing that I know that does have normally help me.
So feel a bit more calm to feel a little bit less, like, I'm
really on the edge now. Three more points, first one
down time, prioritizing your Your down time.
You need to make yourself a priority.
You need to prioritize your downtime.
I don't care if it's for two minutes every day but you need
to prioritize some time for yourself.
Maybe it's first thing in the morning.
If you're awake before the kids, maybe it's the last thing at
night. If you're awake after the kids
are gone to sleep. Maybe it's at some point during
the day that you are able to vocalize to somebody like a very
first. The first one sharing.
How you're feeling? You can do that with children as
well. Hey I just Need to have some
down time. I'm just going to take two
minutes that goes into my next point, which is learn how to say
no and set boundaries. Now that's not necessarily going
to be with children. It can be with children and you
can effectively learn how to set boundaries and set.
That really nice example for them so that they start to
recognize what setting boundaries looks like and
respecting themselves looks like but Maybe it also means that
you're saying no to some commitments or a commitment that
you have coming up that day or on the weekend or next month
that's making you feel really overwhelmed.
So getting clear on where are the yeses, what are the things
that you've said yes to recently?
Is there anything that you want to change to a know and how can
you do that really effectively? So that you are setting
boundaries and feeling less things like resentment,
overwhelming, frustration stress, all of that kind of
stuff and my very last thing is to To reduce stimulation.
So is there things that you can do so that you feel less over
stimulated things like maybe you close the blind.
That's a big one for me. Like when I'm feeling really
over stimulated I noticed that I get quite sensitive to light and
I'm like oh that's so bright coming through.
We have a huge front window at our house.
And so a lot of the time I will go and sit on the lounge to kind
of take a few breaths and have a cup of tea.
But I will also close that blind as well.
So, can you close the blinds turn down the lights.
Turn the volume down on the TV or the music.
If there's music or the TV on in the background and just maybe
even take a moment to step into the bathroom, have some quiet
time. So just thinking about what do
all of these things look like for you?
Is there anything that you can be doing to reduce that level of
stimulation that you're feeling in that moment to help you to
just reset? So I know that there's been a
lot of different things discussed in today's episode in
today, today's episode is a little bit of a longer one.
I hope that there's been one or two things that have sat with
you. That could be takeaways or
things that you can be looking at doing or implementing or
changing to help you to feel less overwhelmed to help you to
feel more just like that. Baseline level of, I can be more
resilient today. I can handle more things that
are thrown my way, because I'm not feeling that real
overwhelming overstimulation. And I hope that one of the, I
guess biggest takeaways for you. I really hope is that there's
nothing wrong with you. These things are definitely
normal these feelings. These responses and reactive
behaviors that you can have their very normal.
They're obviously not ideal and we don't want to be too having
these responses and reactive behaviors every single minute of
every single New day. But there's a reason behind why
they happen and hopefully this episode has helped you to create
some awareness around what some of these contributing factors
could be for you so that you can start to be aware and have them
happening less Often by putting some really actionable and easy
things into place. So that you're feeling less
reactive more, calm, a little more relaxed from time to time
where you can. And just Just more able to be
resilient and handle, what the days are throwing at you, if you
have liked this episode, and if you think that, you know,
somebody else that might like this episode, I would absolutely
love if you would give it a shower.
I had so many messages from the last podcast episode from the
last mom read episode letting me know that.
They really enjoyed it. People that have never listened
to the podcast before actually. So I'm assuming that some of you
may have sent them over to have a listen.
So thank you so much. I really I do appreciate it.
Like, I say, every episode, it's just me recording, this podcast,
episode all on my own. So, every single share, every
review that you guys leave, really means the absolute world
to me and I appreciate it so much.
If there is anybody else that you think could resonate with
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