1 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:03,200 Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast. 2 00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:06,200 I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,000 and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness. 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,500 Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how 5 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:17,300 'but mindset changes and get really actionable. 6 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:22,200 Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,100 can love yourself again and how to live your best life. 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,900 Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and 9 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:33,000 confidence. Reduce feelings like overwhelm 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,600 and stress and let find your sparkle again. 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,300 Are you ready? Let's do it. 12 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:54,100 Hello and welcome to episode 87 of the nourishing, Amy podcast, 13 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,300 for the next few episodes. I'm going to be talking about 14 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:01,500 relationships now, that doesn't have to mean that you're in a 15 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,599 romantic relationship. This could relate to any 16 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:06,900 relationship that you have in your life. 17 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:11,900 I have been creating a master class workbook. 18 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:16,100 So, for those of you that don't know, the structure of the 19 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:20,200 program that we have at, bu Do one-on-one sessions with my 20 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:26,000 coaching clients but they also have access to weekly workshops. 21 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,400 So there's different topics relating to basically every area 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,100 of life. So you've got like career, 23 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:38,300 finances relationships, self-care, body image, all of 24 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:42,900 that kind of stuff. And then they also have one 25 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:47,000 Master Class session a month as well that they have access to so 26 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,200 a master class session He's basically like a deep dive and 27 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,400 my master class session that I'm running in September is on how 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,900 to overcome conflict in relationships. 29 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,100 Because let's be honest, we're all human. 30 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:04,500 So there is going to be conflict that does come up in 31 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:09,900 relationships and to be able to navigate that well can make the 32 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:14,500 absolute world of difference. Because conflict doesn't have to 33 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:19,400 mean that you're having a massive If disagreement or 34 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,700 fight, it can just mean that there's a differing of opinions 35 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:26,200 or perspectives and to be able to move through that effectively 36 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:29,300 is life-changing. And it can really mean the 37 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:35,100 difference between a quality friendship or relationship and 38 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,000 the diff, and the difference then between that friendship or 39 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,500 relationship potentially breaking down in the midst of 40 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,900 some conflict. So, before I jump into all of 41 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:46,600 that, I will give you my recommendations for the week. 42 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,200 I've had I did a question box. Over on my Instagram last week 43 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,300 and I had a heap of questions coming through which I answered 44 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,800 but lots of them were around what podcasts. 45 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:00,600 I like to listen to, I think because at the moment if you're 46 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,200 listening to this when this episode goes to are there's a 47 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,100 lot of Australia at the moment that's in lockdown. 48 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:13,300 And so that makes it a little bit restricted with the things 49 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,700 that we can and can't do with our time. 50 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:20,900 And I know for me I listen to podcasts on overdrive. 51 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:25,400 Like I always have a podcast on and I feel like other people are 52 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,000 kind of a little bit, the same. Now that we are at home a little 53 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,900 bit more often, there's less opportunity to be catching up 54 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,800 with friends and family and things like that in person. 55 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,700 So I thought I'd give you some of my podcast recommendations. 56 00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:42,500 Now, if you don't like crime podcasts, you're probably not 57 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:46,100 going to like these recommendations and I do have, 58 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,900 to be honest. It's weird since Ali's been 59 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,300 born. A crime podcast kind of freaked 60 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:54,500 me out, but if you do like crime podcast, these recommendations 61 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:58,600 are going to be your jam. So if you have Stan, you would 62 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,300 have seen the series. Dr. Death on Stan. 63 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,200 It's a new series. I think it's in six parts and 64 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:12,900 it's about a doctor in America. A few years ago, who was doing 65 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:18,200 really, really terrible surgeries on his patients and 66 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,000 Some mental health issues and all of that kind of stuff. 67 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,100 So it's very interesting actually, you know what? 68 00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,200 If you listen to that podcast, the podcast is literally Called 69 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,300 dr. Death as well. 70 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,600 If you do listen to that podcast, I would love to know 71 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:37,500 what your perspective is at the end because for the first few 72 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:42,300 episodes I was, so one way and one perspective and then towards 73 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,300 the end of the podcast, I was kind of questioning my 74 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,500 perspective on it a little bit and I was like, do I really I 75 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,800 think that now so it would be funny. 76 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800 Send me a message if you do listen to the podcast. 77 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,800 So I actually forgot to mention. So yes, the series is on Stan 78 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:07,800 but the actual it's based off the podcast and the the news 79 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,100 articles and all of that kind of stuff. 80 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,300 Sorry. I totally just my brain just 81 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:13,300 stops working some time since I've had Ali. 82 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:16,000 It's like I know what I'm trying to say but the words just don't 83 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,100 come out base. Two on the news articles and the 84 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:23,100 case that was around it because it's all been going through the 85 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,300 legal system. I think actually when I was 86 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:29,800 listening to the podcast probably like 3 years ago now, 87 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:34,200 it was actually still going through court at the time while 88 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,300 I was listening to the podcast and I was like, wow, this is 89 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,500 super hectic. So that's my first 90 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,200 recommendation. S 1 is case File. 91 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,600 I know a lot of people have heard of case File but it's 92 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,300 interesting because there's so many different varied types. 93 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,700 Types of cases that they talk about. 94 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,300 So that's another one and my third one. 95 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,700 I think I may have spoken about this already on the podcast 96 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,800 before, but I catch Killers with Gary jubilant. 97 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,100 I find that one really interesting. 98 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,900 It's a bit of a different type of crime podcast if you're not 99 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:08,000 into like listening to previous crimes that have happened and 100 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,200 all the Gory details and stuff like that, that's the reason why 101 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:15,900 I like I catch Killers because he actually interviews different 102 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,200 detectives that have worked on high-profile. 103 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:22,700 Is and they do discuss the cases but it's interesting to hear the 104 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:25,100 perspective from a detective's point of view. 105 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:29,000 So they're my three podcast recommendations for this week in 106 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,200 the next episode. I'll give you some other 107 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,600 podcasts that are like a bit more light and fun to listen to, 108 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,300 but I thought I'll break it up because yeah, like I said that 109 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:40,700 there's so many podcast episodes that podcast, sorry, that I 110 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:43,600 listen to. I actually have a blog post 111 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,600 about this as well over on my website. 112 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,400 So if you head over to Amy rank and.com, There's a blog post 113 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,100 there with all of my favorite podcasts. 114 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:54,700 I've got it broken into different like, themes or topics 115 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:59,300 of each podcast and, yeah, so you can go and read that. 116 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:04,500 Alright, let's jump into what I'm going to be talking about 117 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:08,200 today. So really getting clear on how 118 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:14,600 you can actively listen and what active listening actually is, 119 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,300 and how it can benefit you. And I'm going to give you three, 120 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:22,800 Honorable takeaways that you can start to implement today to have 121 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:28,000 more constructive and in-depth conversations and hopefully by 122 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,600 the by your conversations, being more constructive and more 123 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,800 in-depth in your relationships. It means that you're really 124 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,900 creating those beautiful moments that you can move through 125 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,700 different conversations, and perspectives and opinions. 126 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,300 Even if it means that you are finishing a conversation, still 127 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:48,400 not being on the same page. It doesn't mean that you have to 128 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,800 have the same opinion and perspective as the other person. 129 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:54,600 So first of all, I really want you to think about the quality 130 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,800 of the conversations that you have been having. 131 00:07:57,100 --> 00:08:00,000 So when you sit down to have a conversation with somebody and 132 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,600 especially at the moment, whether that is in person or 133 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:08,000 over the phone or FaceTime or Zoom, or whatever it is. 134 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,800 Are you really listening or are you just hearing what they're 135 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,800 saying? Because I feel like there's a 136 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,100 really big difference here. Here, when you're just hearing 137 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:21,700 the person talk, you're aware of what their words are and what 138 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:24,800 they're saying, but you're not actually being really active in 139 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,600 that conversation, you're not actively listening. 140 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:31,700 So let's go over some of these tips and ways that you can 141 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,600 actually practice active listening and these three 142 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,299 actionable takeaways to get you feeling like, you're on the 143 00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:40,100 right path and really having some constructive conversations 144 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:44,700 in your relationships. So, my first one for you is to 145 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:48,400 be really present. So, I mean, like obviously, if 146 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,500 you're on your phone, don't turn your phone off, but like don't 147 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,100 be scrolling on your phone while you're talking, you know what I 148 00:08:54,108 --> 00:08:56,500 mean? If you're with somebody in 149 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,900 person, put your laptop away, put your phone away, maybe put 150 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:03,100 your phone on, do not disturb and just be really present with 151 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:06,500 that person show that person, the respect that you would 152 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,000 expect from them. If you were trying to sit down 153 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,500 and have an important conversation or you know what 154 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,300 not even an important conversation, just any 155 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:18,200 conversation in general if you Expect that respect from them, 156 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:22,400 show them the same respect. I think with these things, it's 157 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,800 kind of thinking about. Well, if you were sitting down 158 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,200 to have a conversation with somebody, that might be your 159 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,700 parents, your sister, your brother, your family members, 160 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,400 friends, your children, work colleagues. 161 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,400 Think about something that they could do that might annoy you. 162 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:41,800 So maybe you notice that someone in your life does get distracted 163 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,100 with their phone. Maybe you feel like they 164 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:47,100 interrupt you when you're talking maybe Feel like you're 165 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:50,100 not fully heard in these conversations. 166 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,300 When you think about those things that annoy you, that's a 167 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:58,300 really good indicator that they are some red flags that come up 168 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,700 for you and things that you can start to be aware of within 169 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,600 yourself and notice do. I actually also do these things 170 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,600 from time to time as well? So more specifically, like I 171 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,800 said, I want to talk about how to resolve conflict, and like I 172 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,500 said, also that doesn't have to be extreme conflict. 173 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,300 It doesn't have to be like an escalated argument or a fight. 174 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,300 Fight but it could just be that you're having a conversation 175 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,600 with somebody and you don't necessarily agree with their 176 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,600 perspective or what they're trying to say. 177 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:30,800 So my first tip like I said is to be really present. 178 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:36,200 My second tip is when you are listening and when you are 179 00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:40,300 sitting with that person, are you being mindful that while 180 00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:41,600 you're actually in that conversation? 181 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,800 So are you listening to them so that you can understand their 182 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,300 perspective? And what they're trying to say? 183 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:51,800 Or are you just listening so that you can respond? 184 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,200 So, this is very different to tip number one that I was 185 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,600 talking about tip, number one, and actionable. 186 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,800 Takeaway. Number one is really more based 187 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:04,500 around like not being distracted in the conversation. 188 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:08,300 By things like, Ecology or not being super present. 189 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,100 Tip number two and actionable, take about takeaway. 190 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:17,000 Number two, is yes, being present, but actively listening, 191 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,800 so that you can understand their perspective. 192 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,800 Instead of just listening and sitting there creating a 193 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,200 response in your head already and this could be like, you 194 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,400 might have a million other things happening in your head 195 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,000 that you're like, oh, but what about this? 196 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,900 What about that? This is my counter argument or 197 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,900 this Is my perspective on this thing that they're talking about 198 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:40,700 and you can see that by really starting that conversation in 199 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,400 your own head about what they're saying you're actually not being 200 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,100 present with them and their conversation it's like you're 201 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:50,000 just listening so that you can then re but what they're trying 202 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,200 to say so just because you're listening to them speak and 203 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,400 you're understanding what they're saying. 204 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,100 It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to fully wholeheartedly 205 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,600 agree with what they're saying either. 206 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,200 It's not, I'm not saying that you're agreeing with a certain 207 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,200 belief or opinion. Perspective, it just means that 208 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,300 you are going into that conversation with an open mind 209 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:14,700 and an open heart and you're being more receptive to what 210 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,100 they're talking about. Instead of going into a 211 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:21,400 conversation with preconceived ideas or expectations, you can 212 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:25,000 purely go into it with the expectation that I adjust want 213 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,600 to listen to what this person has to say. 214 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:32,500 And I also would like to feel heard and get what I would like 215 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:35,500 to say off my chest as well. So that's actually Anibal 216 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:40,800 takeaway number two is to actually really listen and not 217 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,700 think about what you want your responses to be just purely sit 218 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,400 and listen to that person actionable. 219 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,400 Takeaway number three is to approach a conversation with 220 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,800 curiosity and compassion instead of judgment. 221 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:56,100 And this one is funny because when I was researching, this 222 00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:00,700 topic, this is something that I speak about with all of my 223 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:04,900 clients, especially when we're doing things like workshops and 224 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:08,800 learn new tools, if you're in the transform program and you've 225 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,500 been watching any of the live sessions that I've been doing 226 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:15,800 last week and one of the main things that I talked about is 227 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,100 the idea that when you're learning, new mindset changes 228 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,900 and tools to be able to implement in your life, a lot of 229 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,700 the time, they there can be judgment for yourself coming up 230 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,100 because when I'm teaching you something new generally you need 231 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,100 to create awareness around that action or that pattern that's 232 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:35,900 happening for you first because you can't Change something, 233 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:40,800 unless you're aware of it. So sometimes for example, you 234 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,500 might have listened to, let's just say the mindset podcast 235 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,500 series that I did a few weeks ago, and you might have been 236 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,300 listening to one of those episodes and thinking to 237 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,800 yourself. Well, now I've noticed that I do 238 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,000 this mindset thinking pattern a lot and instead of just being 239 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,600 curious and noticing where that comes up for you, you come from 240 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,400 a place of judgment towards yourself. 241 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,300 So you might have noticed, judgment coming up towards you 242 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,100 and you're like, damn it. I notice I do. 243 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:09,000 All the time or I really noticed that I do that here and here and 244 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,200 you start talking down to yourself and creating some 245 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,700 negative self-talk. This same can be said for 246 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,900 conversations with other people as well. 247 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:23,300 So this is really going to play a big part in your relationships 248 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,400 and your conversations that In the Heat of the Moment. 249 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,900 It can feel difficult to come from a place of compassion 250 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,600 towards somebody else. If you're really fully 251 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,200 wholeheartedly, not agreeing with what they're saying, But 252 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:40,000 sometimes this might actually mean giving each other some 253 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,600 space first. So you might go and have a 254 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,400 shower and listen to some music or put a podcast on, you might 255 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,800 put a candle on or do a face mask, maybe you go for a walk or 256 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,100 you get up and go and sit outside and have a cup of tea, 257 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:56,300 or a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, you might do some 258 00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:59,200 journaling to get clear on how you're feeling and why you're 259 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,600 feeling that way. But all of these tools, what 260 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,100 they are actually going to do is to give you the space. 261 00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:08,400 To process your emotion. First before you go and have a 262 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,600 conversation about it because if both of you, let's just say, for 263 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,500 example, you're both feeling like you're like an eight or 264 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:19,200 nine out of ten emotion towards the conversation and the topic, 265 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,500 there's a good chance that. Yeah, it probably is going to 266 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:26,200 end in the more extreme end of conflict or disagreement. 267 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,200 Whereas, if you give yourself and the other person, the 268 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,600 opportunity to have some space, give yourself the chance to 269 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,100 think about how you're feeling, why you're feeling like that. 270 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,700 That how you can actively Express that? 271 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:41,500 Well and calmly that way. You can then go into the 272 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,300 conversation, feeling a little lighter. 273 00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:46,200 So maybe that emotion that you were feeling towards the 274 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,000 conversation has now because you've given yourself some space 275 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,100 reduced to maybe like a four or a five out of ten and you're not 276 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:56,300 feeling as reactive and when you're feeling less reactive 277 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,200 that's really. When you can start to approach 278 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,400 these conversations from that place of compassion like I'm 279 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,600 talking about and really active listening in that even if You do 280 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,800 disagree with whatever the other person is saying or the 281 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,100 conversation topic, you give yourself the opportunity to just 282 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:15,000 purely sit and listen, and come back to that. 283 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,600 Thought process of, I know that everybody has a different 284 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,700 opinion and perspective and not everybody has to have the same 285 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:24,900 opinion and perspective as me if you know that you want to be 286 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,100 heard in a conversation. There's a good chance that your 287 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:30,700 partner or whoever the other person is that you're talking to 288 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,100 also wants to be heard. So if you can create that space 289 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:38,300 for both of you, To do that in a compassionate and caring way for 290 00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:41,500 each other, it's so much more likely that it's going to be a 291 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,000 productive conversation that you're having. 292 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,400 So that's my three actionable, takeaways for you and how to 293 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,500 really start to move through conflict in your relationships. 294 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:56,200 So number one is to be present and really listening in that 295 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,100 conversation. So not being distracted with 296 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,200 your phone with Netflix with scrolling with other things 297 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:04,800 actionable, take away. Number 2 is again, active 298 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,400 listening. But not listening so that you 299 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,599 can respond, you are just listening and being present with 300 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:12,800 that person and giving them the respect that they deserve. 301 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,500 So that they can also then in turn give you this, but respect 302 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:19,900 that you deserve and that you are just listening instead of 303 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:22,400 thinking about what you want to respond with. 304 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,200 And number three is to approach the conversation with curiosity 305 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,200 and compassion instead of judgment. 306 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:33,100 So, try to go into the conversation with as little to 307 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:37,000 no expectation as Abel and if you are going to go in with 308 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,800 expectation set that on yourself, rather than the other 309 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,800 person, because you guys would have heard me talk about. 310 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,100 So often before expectation leads to disappointment. 311 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:49,900 And when you are setting expectations on someone or 312 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:53,300 something else, there is the chance that you are going to 313 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,300 feel disappointed or let down. So if you are bringing that 314 00:17:56,300 --> 00:18:00,300 expectation back to you and what you want to be taking action on 315 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:05,500 in that conversation and it might purely just be my Chin, is 316 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,200 that I go over and start talking to this person in my life about 317 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,600 this conversation topic or this thing that has come up for me 318 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,700 because that's important to me to be able to talk to them about 319 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,400 that. And then, can you see that by 320 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,700 setting that expectation? The only thing that you're 321 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,600 wanting to do there and the only thing that you want to get out 322 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,600 of that is to sit down and talk with that person about 323 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,400 something. If you can do that, you're not 324 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,300 setting an expectation on how they're going to respond what 325 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:36,100 their opinions or perspectives are You can leave that 326 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:40,200 conversation knowing that I met my expectation because that was 327 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,600 on me and I did that I actioned that. 328 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:45,600 So there you have it. You guys. 329 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,400 I've got a few other tips that I have come a long while I've been 330 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,400 doing my research for this master class. 331 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:56,600 So, I will give you another topic next week with regards to 332 00:18:57,500 --> 00:19:00,200 overcoming conflict in relationships and keep an ear 333 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:04,100 out on Thursday for my next therapy Thursday session as 334 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:06,600 well. Have a beautiful afternoon. 335 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,500 If you liked this episode, I would love for you to screenshot 336 00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:15,200 and tag me on Instagram. You guys have no idea how much 337 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,000 that absolutely makes my day. I get such a big smile on my 338 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,100 face. Thank you so much for hanging 339 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,800 out with me today and I hope that you have got them something 340 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,500 from this episode. If you want to hang out more you 341 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:30,100 can search the nourishing, Amy podcast community in Facebook 342 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,400 and come and join our group. We're talking all things life 343 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:37,300 love overwhelm and Everything in between, you can show your funny 344 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:41,900 memes your stories and all of the life stuff, if you would 345 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,700 like to get in contact with me, please don't hesitate to reach 346 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,400 out and shoot me a message on Instagram. 347 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,400 You can find me at a me underscore Rankin. 348 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,100 Last but not least, it really helps to support my podcast. 349 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,200 When you subscribe and leave a review on whatever app it is, 350 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,200 that you listen to this podcast on, I am just a little 351 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,800 independent podcaster and every subscriber and review helps my 352 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,700 podcast to be seen and heard. Heard by more people and to help 353 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,700 more people get their Sparkle back. 354 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,300 Thank you again, so much for being with me and have a 355 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,400 fantastic day.