Welcome to the nourishing. Amy podcast.
I'm Amy Rankin. I am an emotional intelligence
and life coach as Speaker, a Creator, and a wellness.
Chaser, I have created this podcast for you to learn how
'but mindset changes and get really actionable.
Takeaways to find out who you are, what lights you up, how you
can love yourself again and how to live your best life.
Give yourself the space to welcome in more self-care and
confidence. Reduce feelings like overwhelm
and stress and let find your sparkle again.
Are you ready? Let's do it.
Hello and welcome to episode 87 of the nourishing, Amy podcast,
for the next few episodes. I'm going to be talking about
relationships now, that doesn't have to mean that you're in a
romantic relationship. This could relate to any
relationship that you have in your life.
I have been creating a master class workbook.
So, for those of you that don't know, the structure of the
program that we have at, bu Do one-on-one sessions with my
coaching clients but they also have access to weekly workshops.
So there's different topics relating to basically every area
of life. So you've got like career,
finances relationships, self-care, body image, all of
that kind of stuff. And then they also have one
Master Class session a month as well that they have access to so
a master class session He's basically like a deep dive and
my master class session that I'm running in September is on how
to overcome conflict in relationships.
Because let's be honest, we're all human.
So there is going to be conflict that does come up in
relationships and to be able to navigate that well can make the
absolute world of difference. Because conflict doesn't have to
mean that you're having a massive If disagreement or
fight, it can just mean that there's a differing of opinions
or perspectives and to be able to move through that effectively
is life-changing. And it can really mean the
difference between a quality friendship or relationship and
the diff, and the difference then between that friendship or
relationship potentially breaking down in the midst of
some conflict. So, before I jump into all of
that, I will give you my recommendations for the week.
I've had I did a question box. Over on my Instagram last week
and I had a heap of questions coming through which I answered
but lots of them were around what podcasts.
I like to listen to, I think because at the moment if you're
listening to this when this episode goes to are there's a
lot of Australia at the moment that's in lockdown.
And so that makes it a little bit restricted with the things
that we can and can't do with our time.
And I know for me I listen to podcasts on overdrive.
Like I always have a podcast on and I feel like other people are
kind of a little bit, the same. Now that we are at home a little
bit more often, there's less opportunity to be catching up
with friends and family and things like that in person.
So I thought I'd give you some of my podcast recommendations.
Now, if you don't like crime podcasts, you're probably not
going to like these recommendations and I do have,
to be honest. It's weird since Ali's been
born. A crime podcast kind of freaked
me out, but if you do like crime podcast, these recommendations
are going to be your jam. So if you have Stan, you would
have seen the series. Dr. Death on Stan.
It's a new series. I think it's in six parts and
it's about a doctor in America. A few years ago, who was doing
really, really terrible surgeries on his patients and
Some mental health issues and all of that kind of stuff.
So it's very interesting actually, you know what?
If you listen to that podcast, the podcast is literally Called
dr. Death as well.
If you do listen to that podcast, I would love to know
what your perspective is at the end because for the first few
episodes I was, so one way and one perspective and then towards
the end of the podcast, I was kind of questioning my
perspective on it a little bit and I was like, do I really I
think that now so it would be funny.
Send me a message if you do listen to the podcast.
So I actually forgot to mention. So yes, the series is on Stan
but the actual it's based off the podcast and the the news
articles and all of that kind of stuff.
Sorry. I totally just my brain just
stops working some time since I've had Ali.
It's like I know what I'm trying to say but the words just don't
come out base. Two on the news articles and the
case that was around it because it's all been going through the
legal system. I think actually when I was
listening to the podcast probably like 3 years ago now,
it was actually still going through court at the time while
I was listening to the podcast and I was like, wow, this is
super hectic. So that's my first
recommendation. S 1 is case File.
I know a lot of people have heard of case File but it's
interesting because there's so many different varied types.
Types of cases that they talk about.
So that's another one and my third one.
I think I may have spoken about this already on the podcast
before, but I catch Killers with Gary jubilant.
I find that one really interesting.
It's a bit of a different type of crime podcast if you're not
into like listening to previous crimes that have happened and
all the Gory details and stuff like that, that's the reason why
I like I catch Killers because he actually interviews different
detectives that have worked on high-profile.
Is and they do discuss the cases but it's interesting to hear the
perspective from a detective's point of view.
So they're my three podcast recommendations for this week in
the next episode. I'll give you some other
podcasts that are like a bit more light and fun to listen to,
but I thought I'll break it up because yeah, like I said that
there's so many podcast episodes that podcast, sorry, that I
listen to. I actually have a blog post
about this as well over on my website.
So if you head over to Amy rank and.com, There's a blog post
there with all of my favorite podcasts.
I've got it broken into different like, themes or topics
of each podcast and, yeah, so you can go and read that.
Alright, let's jump into what I'm going to be talking about
today. So really getting clear on how
you can actively listen and what active listening actually is,
and how it can benefit you. And I'm going to give you three,
Honorable takeaways that you can start to implement today to have
more constructive and in-depth conversations and hopefully by
the by your conversations, being more constructive and more
in-depth in your relationships. It means that you're really
creating those beautiful moments that you can move through
different conversations, and perspectives and opinions.
Even if it means that you are finishing a conversation, still
not being on the same page. It doesn't mean that you have to
have the same opinion and perspective as the other person.
So first of all, I really want you to think about the quality
of the conversations that you have been having.
So when you sit down to have a conversation with somebody and
especially at the moment, whether that is in person or
over the phone or FaceTime or Zoom, or whatever it is.
Are you really listening or are you just hearing what they're
saying? Because I feel like there's a
really big difference here. Here, when you're just hearing
the person talk, you're aware of what their words are and what
they're saying, but you're not actually being really active in
that conversation, you're not actively listening.
So let's go over some of these tips and ways that you can
actually practice active listening and these three
actionable takeaways to get you feeling like, you're on the
right path and really having some constructive conversations
in your relationships. So, my first one for you is to
be really present. So, I mean, like obviously, if
you're on your phone, don't turn your phone off, but like don't
be scrolling on your phone while you're talking, you know what I
mean? If you're with somebody in
person, put your laptop away, put your phone away, maybe put
your phone on, do not disturb and just be really present with
that person show that person, the respect that you would
expect from them. If you were trying to sit down
and have an important conversation or you know what
not even an important conversation, just any
conversation in general if you Expect that respect from them,
show them the same respect. I think with these things, it's
kind of thinking about. Well, if you were sitting down
to have a conversation with somebody, that might be your
parents, your sister, your brother, your family members,
friends, your children, work colleagues.
Think about something that they could do that might annoy you.
So maybe you notice that someone in your life does get distracted
with their phone. Maybe you feel like they
interrupt you when you're talking maybe Feel like you're
not fully heard in these conversations.
When you think about those things that annoy you, that's a
really good indicator that they are some red flags that come up
for you and things that you can start to be aware of within
yourself and notice do. I actually also do these things
from time to time as well? So more specifically, like I
said, I want to talk about how to resolve conflict, and like I
said, also that doesn't have to be extreme conflict.
It doesn't have to be like an escalated argument or a fight.
Fight but it could just be that you're having a conversation
with somebody and you don't necessarily agree with their
perspective or what they're trying to say.
So my first tip like I said is to be really present.
My second tip is when you are listening and when you are
sitting with that person, are you being mindful that while
you're actually in that conversation?
So are you listening to them so that you can understand their
perspective? And what they're trying to say?
Or are you just listening so that you can respond?
So, this is very different to tip number one that I was
talking about tip, number one, and actionable.
Takeaway. Number one is really more based
around like not being distracted in the conversation.
By things like, Ecology or not being super present.
Tip number two and actionable, take about takeaway.
Number two, is yes, being present, but actively listening,
so that you can understand their perspective.
Instead of just listening and sitting there creating a
response in your head already and this could be like, you
might have a million other things happening in your head
that you're like, oh, but what about this?
What about that? This is my counter argument or
this Is my perspective on this thing that they're talking about
and you can see that by really starting that conversation in
your own head about what they're saying you're actually not being
present with them and their conversation it's like you're
just listening so that you can then re but what they're trying
to say so just because you're listening to them speak and
you're understanding what they're saying.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to fully wholeheartedly
agree with what they're saying either.
It's not, I'm not saying that you're agreeing with a certain
belief or opinion. Perspective, it just means that
you are going into that conversation with an open mind
and an open heart and you're being more receptive to what
they're talking about. Instead of going into a
conversation with preconceived ideas or expectations, you can
purely go into it with the expectation that I adjust want
to listen to what this person has to say.
And I also would like to feel heard and get what I would like
to say off my chest as well. So that's actually Anibal
takeaway number two is to actually really listen and not
think about what you want your responses to be just purely sit
and listen to that person actionable.
Takeaway number three is to approach a conversation with
curiosity and compassion instead of judgment.
And this one is funny because when I was researching, this
topic, this is something that I speak about with all of my
clients, especially when we're doing things like workshops and
learn new tools, if you're in the transform program and you've
been watching any of the live sessions that I've been doing
last week and one of the main things that I talked about is
the idea that when you're learning, new mindset changes
and tools to be able to implement in your life, a lot of
the time, they there can be judgment for yourself coming up
because when I'm teaching you something new generally you need
to create awareness around that action or that pattern that's
happening for you first because you can't Change something,
unless you're aware of it. So sometimes for example, you
might have listened to, let's just say the mindset podcast
series that I did a few weeks ago, and you might have been
listening to one of those episodes and thinking to
yourself. Well, now I've noticed that I do
this mindset thinking pattern a lot and instead of just being
curious and noticing where that comes up for you, you come from
a place of judgment towards yourself.
So you might have noticed, judgment coming up towards you
and you're like, damn it. I notice I do.
All the time or I really noticed that I do that here and here and
you start talking down to yourself and creating some
negative self-talk. This same can be said for
conversations with other people as well.
So this is really going to play a big part in your relationships
and your conversations that In the Heat of the Moment.
It can feel difficult to come from a place of compassion
towards somebody else. If you're really fully
wholeheartedly, not agreeing with what they're saying, But
sometimes this might actually mean giving each other some
space first. So you might go and have a
shower and listen to some music or put a podcast on, you might
put a candle on or do a face mask, maybe you go for a walk or
you get up and go and sit outside and have a cup of tea,
or a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, you might do some
journaling to get clear on how you're feeling and why you're
feeling that way. But all of these tools, what
they are actually going to do is to give you the space.
To process your emotion. First before you go and have a
conversation about it because if both of you, let's just say, for
example, you're both feeling like you're like an eight or
nine out of ten emotion towards the conversation and the topic,
there's a good chance that. Yeah, it probably is going to
end in the more extreme end of conflict or disagreement.
Whereas, if you give yourself and the other person, the
opportunity to have some space, give yourself the chance to
think about how you're feeling, why you're feeling like that.
That how you can actively Express that?
Well and calmly that way. You can then go into the
conversation, feeling a little lighter.
So maybe that emotion that you were feeling towards the
conversation has now because you've given yourself some space
reduced to maybe like a four or a five out of ten and you're not
feeling as reactive and when you're feeling less reactive
that's really. When you can start to approach
these conversations from that place of compassion like I'm
talking about and really active listening in that even if You do
disagree with whatever the other person is saying or the
conversation topic, you give yourself the opportunity to just
purely sit and listen, and come back to that.
Thought process of, I know that everybody has a different
opinion and perspective and not everybody has to have the same
opinion and perspective as me if you know that you want to be
heard in a conversation. There's a good chance that your
partner or whoever the other person is that you're talking to
also wants to be heard. So if you can create that space
for both of you, To do that in a compassionate and caring way for
each other, it's so much more likely that it's going to be a
productive conversation that you're having.
So that's my three actionable, takeaways for you and how to
really start to move through conflict in your relationships.
So number one is to be present and really listening in that
conversation. So not being distracted with
your phone with Netflix with scrolling with other things
actionable, take away. Number 2 is again, active
listening. But not listening so that you
can respond, you are just listening and being present with
that person and giving them the respect that they deserve.
So that they can also then in turn give you this, but respect
that you deserve and that you are just listening instead of
thinking about what you want to respond with.
And number three is to approach the conversation with curiosity
and compassion instead of judgment.
So, try to go into the conversation with as little to
no expectation as Abel and if you are going to go in with
expectation set that on yourself, rather than the other
person, because you guys would have heard me talk about.
So often before expectation leads to disappointment.
And when you are setting expectations on someone or
something else, there is the chance that you are going to
feel disappointed or let down. So if you are bringing that
expectation back to you and what you want to be taking action on
in that conversation and it might purely just be my Chin, is
that I go over and start talking to this person in my life about
this conversation topic or this thing that has come up for me
because that's important to me to be able to talk to them about
that. And then, can you see that by
setting that expectation? The only thing that you're
wanting to do there and the only thing that you want to get out
of that is to sit down and talk with that person about
something. If you can do that, you're not
setting an expectation on how they're going to respond what
their opinions or perspectives are You can leave that
conversation knowing that I met my expectation because that was
on me and I did that I actioned that.
So there you have it. You guys.
I've got a few other tips that I have come a long while I've been
doing my research for this master class.
So, I will give you another topic next week with regards to
overcoming conflict in relationships and keep an ear
out on Thursday for my next therapy Thursday session as
well. Have a beautiful afternoon.
If you liked this episode, I would love for you to screenshot
and tag me on Instagram. You guys have no idea how much
that absolutely makes my day. I get such a big smile on my
face. Thank you so much for hanging
out with me today and I hope that you have got them something
from this episode. If you want to hang out more you
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Thank you again, so much for being with me and have a
fantastic day.