1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,960 Welcome to Sheeper Assisted. I'm your host Sadie Sutton, a 19 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,440 year old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,000 University of Pennsylvania. Sheeper Assisted is the teen 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,880 mental health podcast made for teenagers by a teen. 5 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,120 In each episode I'll bring you authentic, accessible and 6 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,440 relatable conversations about every aspect of mental Wellness 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,000 you can expect. Evidence based teen approved 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,040 resources, coping skills including lots of DBT insights 9 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,680 and education, and each piece of content you consume. 10 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,439 She Persisted offers you a safe space to feel validated and 11 00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,160 understood in your struggle while encouraging you to take 12 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,440 ownership of your journey and build your life worth living. 13 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,720 So let's dive in this week on She Persisted. 14 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,000 Really the advice that I want to give any students and anyone 15 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,600 that's navigating back to school because it's very anxious and 16 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,880 avoidance prone time, especially if you're in college is when you 17 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,320 feel that feeling of like, I'd rather not I'd like to avoid 18 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,440 this is uncomfortable. Go towards that thing. 19 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,000 And maybe you don't go towards it today, but tomorrow you start 20 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,840 working yourself up towards it because it's one of the best 21 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,000 things you can do for your academic and personal 22 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,520 well-being. Hello, hello you guys, and 23 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,720 welcome back to Sheep Persisted. I'm so excited to hear today. 24 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,960 Happy back to school. We're doing a really fun DBT 25 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,480 edition of back to school tips and tricks and advice and all 26 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,160 the things I just came from my introduction to developmental 27 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,600 Psychology class. We're very much in the back to 28 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,640 school mode and I'm going to share with you guys all my 29 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,840 pieces of advice from a DBT lens on how you can optimize this 30 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,400 school year, set a good foundation for your mental 31 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,440 health, and have this be a sustainable semester. 32 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,680 I have my giant book of DBT from McClain. 33 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,840 This is my Bible, and we are going to go through a number of 34 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,760 things in this episode. But I want to start with setting 35 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:52,280 goals and intentions for the school year and what I'm doing 36 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,640 this year and how I'm approaching this semester 37 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,560 because I think it's a very normal and natural time of the 38 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,040 year to want to make shifts and changes and improve on what 39 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,120 you've done in the past. I always do my planners by 40 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,759 school years, not calendar years because that's kind of like how 41 00:02:08,759 --> 00:02:11,000 the cycle runs for me, if that makes sense. 42 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,680 And so whenever I'm thinking of like big goals and shifts to be 43 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:18,320 made, I do kind of mark those by school year rather than like 44 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,440 January 1st. So the first thing is that we 45 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,560 cannot make a shift or a change if we don't first have an 46 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,760 awareness of the issue or of the behavior of the emotion or 47 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,440 whatever it is. Everything stems from that 48 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:35,120 awareness and being mindful of what maybe isn't as effective as 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,600 it could be. And so for me, the most 50 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,760 effective way to do that is to track things. 51 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,240 And everyone's different. Use a system that works for you, 52 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,040 but I'm going to tell you how I track things and then how I 53 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:50,200 reflect on setting my goals based on that data, if you will. 54 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,960 So I've been tracking since middle school. 55 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,400 I did my first bullet journal in 8th grade. 56 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,080 It was really bad, but it's part of the process. 57 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,760 And I've always found tracking to be very therapeutic. 58 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,960 And then it's kind of a creative outlet to like make these 59 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,480 spreads and fill in the colors and check things off. 60 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,720 It's also really reinforcing for me when it comes to navigating 61 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,320 tasks and goals and behaviors to have something that I'm I'm 62 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,880 checking off and working towards. 63 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,400 Some people are just very intrinsically motivated and they 64 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,320 get so much joy out of doing the thing. 65 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,600 For me, a lot of the times I like to check things off and 66 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,160 work through my list like that is very reinforcing for me. 67 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,440 So again, awareness. What works for you? 68 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,440 What gives you that little spike of dopamine and gets you 69 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,520 motivated to do the next thing? So I've been doing bullet 70 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,360 journal since middle school. I also did diary cards really 71 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,040 intensively in 8th grade and freshman year of high school as 72 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,880 part of treatment. And I carried a lot of those 73 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,480 things in the diary card into my bullet journal and what I 74 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:45,920 tracked today. And if you're not familiar with 75 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,960 diary cards from DBT or dialectical behavioral therapy, 76 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,160 which is a lot of the skills we're pulling from in this 77 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,920 episode, and DBT uses diary cards for a number of reasons. 78 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,400 The 1st is that when you get to a therapy session and your 79 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,080 therapist is like, how did the week go? 80 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,760 We don't answer that very well. Sometimes we're like, oh, I had 81 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,400 the specific thing that I want to address. 82 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,600 But when you think about how was I feeling Tuesday last week in 83 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,320 the afternoon, most of us probably can't describe that. 84 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,440 And so checking in on a daily basis about how you're feeling 85 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,840 and not just like, was today a good or a bad day, but like if 86 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,480 you're struggling with urges, if you're struggling with certain 87 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,360 types of thoughts, if you're struggling with certain 88 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,160 behaviors, are you feeling angry? 89 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,160 Are you feeling lonely? Are you feeling happy? 90 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,560 Are you feeling hopeful? That nuance isn't something that 91 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,520 we remember. And a little fun tip in fact, 92 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,040 here that I learned in a recent episode that you guys are going 93 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,560 to love, it's all about depression and the way we think 94 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,000 about depression and all these kinds of things. 95 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:42,240 But when we are depressed, our ability to remember and 96 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,200 recollect times when we felt happy is extremely diminished. 97 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,360 Similarly, once we've recovered, our ability to remember times 98 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,000 that we were depressed is also really diminished and impacted. 99 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,640 So our ability to remember things is really impacted by our 100 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,120 current mood. So having some way of 101 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,760 objectively measuring this is really important because our 102 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,240 brains are just not good at measuring and remembering 103 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,760 things. Just that's a fact. 104 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,480 And so diarrhea cards are really in depth, they're very 105 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,200 extensive. You're tracking the skills 106 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,200 you're using, the emotions you're having, the urges, the 107 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,120 behaviors, all these things. I definitely do a more simple 108 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,520 route. I lean really heavily on my 109 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,600 tasks and not from like a productivity, everything has to 110 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,840 get done because every single day I'm like migrating 6 tasks 111 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,600 to the next day. But it's a helpful way for me to 112 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:28,760 understand how busy my week is and also where I'm putting in 113 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,120 things like spending time with friends or getting movement in 114 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,760 or study blocks, things like that. 115 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,840 Another thing that I like to track in my bullet journal is 116 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,960 working out and so I'll do an annual tracker. 117 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,400 I saw this on Kelsey Knight's Instagram and basically like you 118 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,160 have a box for each day of the year you fill one in when you've 119 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,920 done a workout. So far, I think I have zero 120 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,640 boxes colored in for the school year. 121 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,680 So definitely we are taking a flexible approach to this 122 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,480 tracking and the behaviors as a whole. 123 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,760 And then every couple months, depending on how invested I am 124 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,200 in tracking or if I really feel like I need that awareness. 125 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,880 And for a long time it was every single month. 126 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,640 I do have a tracker and the things on that really vary, but 127 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,640 for example, wake up by a certain time, get in bed by a 128 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,080 certain time. Did I socialized that day? 129 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,560 Did I spend time with friends outside of just like seeing them 130 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,200 at class? Did I get my steps in? 131 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,240 Did I read, Did I listen to a podcast? 132 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,160 Did I use my skills? This is my favorite thing to add 133 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,240 on your habit tracker because it's a freebie. 134 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,640 We always use some kind of skills. 135 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,240 Add that in there, give you that freebie, give yourself that 136 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,120 reinforcement. Start building that momentum. 137 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,920 I always add that to my habit trackers. 138 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:38,160 So I pick behaviors that are contributing to my Wellness as a 139 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:42,920 whole and are objective markers. So like if my goal is to get 140 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,120 more consistent and better sleep, I'm not going to put 141 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,920 slept well. I'm going to put got in bed by 142 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,160 11:00 PM, got out of bed by 9:00 AM or whatever it is. 143 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,280 Similarly, if your goal is to exercise more, you're not going 144 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,600 to be like was athletic. You're going to say, did I get 145 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,440 this many steps? Did I work out this many times 146 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,240 per week? And it can be a really low and 147 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,960 easy goal and a very flexible goal, But you just want to have 148 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,000 something where you can check off yes or no. 149 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,760 Otherwise, it's really ambiguous whether you're making progress 150 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,200 on these goals. So that's the habit tracker. 151 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,720 And if that's the way you're measuring these things on a 152 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,920 daily basis and you're reflecting on them as a whole at 153 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,320 the end of the week, at the end of the month. 154 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,720 Another thing that I like to do at the beginning of the school 155 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,240 year is ask myself where I want to be. 156 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,560 It can be kind of hard to be like, what specific goal do I 157 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,880 want to set for the next week or what specific goal am I focusing 158 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,240 on? But I'm like, if I could wave a 159 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,440 magic wand and have all these behaviors or habits established 160 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,880 the start of next semester, what would those be? 161 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,920 And so, so more like reading more often, being more 162 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,360 consistent with how I spread out my workload rather than 163 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,320 procrastinating and doing it all in one day, building a more 164 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,760 consistent study block. So again, I can work ahead on 165 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,960 that workload versus being stressed and procrastinating, 166 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,800 having a more consistent sleep schedule. 167 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,120 Always a battle, have not won that war yet. 168 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,240 And so if those are the things that I want to happen, then I 169 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,640 will set that intention or goal again in a really measurable yes 170 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,720 or no specific way. And then my last tip that I'll 171 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,680 give you here from Grit Lab, I'm taking Angela Duckworth's class 172 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,360 this semester at Penn. It's phenomenal. 173 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,680 We will definitely be doing a recap of all the things I've 174 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,640 learned. But one of the things that she 175 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:21,800 taught us is that the way that we think about our goals has a 176 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,160 real impact on how we're motivated. 177 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:28,120 And so when you talk to highly successful individuals and 178 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,920 athletes and these really high performers, a lot of them aren't 179 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,880 focusing on a specific goal like I'm going to win a gold medal. 180 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,640 The journey for them is what motivates them, and so their 181 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,520 goal is to train for the Olympics, not win a gold medal. 182 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,840 But it's not always effective to motivate yourself by thinking 183 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,560 about the journey and not the destination. 184 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,440 Because if you haven't achieved the goal yet and you're not an 185 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,320 athlete who's trying to like better and better and better 186 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,760 themselves, but your goal is to, for example, join new clubs this 187 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,840 year, or make new friends or get a certain score on a test. 188 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,480 Whatever it is, if you haven't achieved that yet, it's more 189 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,400 motivating to focus on the destination and not the journey. 190 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,280 So think about where you are. Have you had a lot of wins? 191 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,160 Have you achieved a lot of those goals? 192 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,240 In that case, what you should be doing is using the journey as 193 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,760 your motivator. And if it's not, if you're like, 194 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,200 I have not achieved anything, I'm just feeling like I need to 195 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,520 get some things under my belt and then maybe I can focus on 196 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,080 the journey. Your goal is going to be the 197 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,160 destination and that's going to be more motivating. 198 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,400 So that's our little tidbit and thoughts on goals and intentions 199 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,120 and tracking. The next thing we're going to 200 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,600 talk about is from the DBT emotion regulation module, 201 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,360 because I think regulating our emotions is like one of the most 202 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,880 important things in life, especially so that we can show 203 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,560 up as students and effectively in our relationships and in the 204 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:49,560 way we interact with ourselves. And so the ABC skill is one of 205 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,760 my absolute favorite skills, stands for accumulate positives, 206 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,240 build mastery, cope ahead. And what I actually want to 207 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,120 start here with is coping ahead because I think it's the most 208 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,480 relevant to the start of the school year. 209 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,320 But we're also going to talk about building mastery and 210 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,520 accumulating positives because there are two of my favorites. 211 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,680 And also really, really essential with school. 212 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,480 So coping ahead is the idea that you basically plan for your 213 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,920 worst case scenario outcome and your more realistic outcome so 214 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,520 that when you enter a new or daunting or scary or emotional 215 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,400 situation, you know what to expect and you're not caught off 216 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,400 guard. And so if you're a little type 217 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,880 A, you're a little anxiety prone like me, this is a got to end. 218 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,280 And so maybe you're coping ahead for the first day of class, 219 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,880 Maybe you're coping ahead for your first exam. 220 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,200 Maybe you're coping ahead for making new friends at your new 221 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,040 school, whatever it is. Basically what we do with Copa 222 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,960 Head is you're going to describe in detail what the situation 223 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,840 would be that raises an intense emotion or causes you to avoid 224 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,160 or make a decision that maybe isn't the most effective. 225 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:51,600 So if what you're clipping ahead for is the first day of school 226 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,080 and meeting new people and introducing yourself, you would 227 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,120 describe what is likely to happen. 228 00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,040 So maybe you get to school, you go to your first couple of 229 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,960 classes, you're worried that you maybe won't talk to anyone. 230 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,520 You're worried that maybe instead of going to lunch and 231 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:09,960 trying to introduce yourself or meet some new people, make some 232 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,720 new friends instead. You avoid or withdraw or you 233 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,760 don't interact with people. You're on your phone, whatever 234 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,760 it is. So you're going to describe the 235 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,600 situation that's likely to cause those emotions and behaviors to 236 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,400 pop up. You also want to check the facts 237 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,400 here. So what is realistically likely 238 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,600 to happen? A catastrophizing version of 239 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,680 this would be like, if I don't talk to anyone on the first day, 240 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,600 I will never ever make friends for the rest of my life. 241 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,640 That's just not accurate. Statistically, objectively, it's 242 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,240 not true. But I also sometimes like doing 243 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,760 a cope ahead for the worst situations. 244 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,880 Like if you're worried about walking to class on the first 245 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,520 day and you're like, what if I fall down and drop all my things 246 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,880 and then I like frack my head open or like something crazy? 247 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:49,720 Sometimes I do like to do a cope ahead with those and be like, 248 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,000 OK, if I fall down the stairs in front of everyone, is my life 249 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,640 going to be over? Am I never going to talk to 250 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,160 anyone ever again? Am I going to be a social 251 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,640 outcast? No, that's not going to happen. 252 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,120 People will probably be concerned. 253 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,600 Maybe people will not react as nicely as they could. 254 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,600 Maybe you'll feel embarrassed and ashamed. 255 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,560 You'll have more anxiety next time you're entering that 256 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,920 situation. But will life go on and will you 257 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,400 continue to overcome that experience and thrive in spite 258 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,640 of it? Probably yes. 259 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,200 And so I do, you sometimes like to do a cope head for a worst 260 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,240 case scenario because it shows yourself that even if this worst 261 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,720 possible thing happens, I can still overcome it. 262 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,080 I can still thrive. And I have these skills that 263 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,360 would allow me to navigate that. So we're describing the 264 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,360 situation. We do want to check the facts 265 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,480 because we don't always want to be expecting and planning for 266 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,480 these worst case scenarios because it's not going to 267 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,200 happen. It's not likely to happen, and 268 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:42,720 it's not effective for us to stress and plan and feel 269 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,760 overwhelmed about something that's not going to happen. 270 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:45,920 It's like suffering twice, right? 271 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,760 You suffer once when you're thinking about something and 272 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,320 then the second time when it does happen. 273 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,840 And in this case scenario, you're suffering in the case 274 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,800 that it might happen and then it won't happen. 275 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,840 So you're not suffering for any reason whatsoever. 276 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,560 So check the facts if it's being ineffective, but also if you're 277 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,600 the kind of person that's like, OK, devil's advocate, what if 278 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,320 this happens? Really this is not going to 279 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,720 change the trajectory of my life. 280 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,760 If that's helpful for you, I like doing that. 281 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,040 You can try that as well. You also want to be really clear 282 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,360 about the emotions or behaviors that might impact your ability 283 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,880 to be effective in this situation. 284 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,040 And get really clear here because you might be like, it's 285 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,480 uncomfortable. I hate it. 286 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,680 I don't like it was a negative experience. 287 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,560 But if you were to say, I feel ashamed, I'm worried about being 288 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:29,440 rejected, I feel lonely, I feel anxious, I feel scared. 289 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,240 I feel sad that people aren't talking to me. 290 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,280 Get really clear about what those emotions are and what the 291 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,320 possible threat is, right? Like, we feel uncomfortable 292 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,400 because there's no one to talk to. 293 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,000 But if the root of that is probably like, I don't want to 294 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,120 be rejected and I want to feel safe and like I'm loved and have 295 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,880 a sense of belonging and I don't want to be rejected from my 296 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,240 group. So write down the core of that 297 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,320 and think about it. It takes a lot of the power away 298 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,560 from that emotion rather than just letting it sit in the 299 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,960 unknown covered by like secondary emotions. 300 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,240 And after that, you're going to decide what coping skills you 301 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,560 would use in that situation. And if this is a really big fear 302 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,400 or anxiety that you're navigating, definitely write 303 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,880 this out. Give yourself a list, put it in 304 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,640 your notes app, put it as your screensaver. 305 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,640 Do what you got to do so you have these skills top of hand. 306 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,800 If you're more just like mentally doing this exercise so 307 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,640 that you know that if this happens, you at least have 308 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,560 thought about it before. Just have more broad ideas of 309 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,840 what skills you're going to use. Are you going to ask for help? 310 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,320 Are you going to go to the counselor's office? 311 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,560 Are you going to talk to a friend? 312 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,400 Are you going to do some deep breathing? 313 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,280 Are you going to run your hands under cold water, especially 314 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,040 your wrist to activate the vagus nerve? 315 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,880 Are you going to listen to your favorite song? 316 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,280 Are you going to look at photos of things that make you feel 317 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,080 positive emotions? Think about those skills that 318 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,440 you're going to pull from in the moment to be able to overcome 319 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,640 that distress. And what's really key here also 320 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,280 is not just those distraction tolerating distress skills, but 321 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,440 also doing the opposite of what you're feeling and going back 322 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,000 into the situation that makes you uncomfortable, doing some 323 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,320 exposure therapy to the things that make you anxious. 324 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,480 And we're going to talk about that. 325 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,760 That is just as important as having the plan for how to 326 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,320 navigate that intense emotion, but also to reenter the 327 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,680 situation and feel like you're in a position to thrive. 328 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:17,120 And then you're going to do the maybe you like this part, maybe 329 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,800 you don't. I think it's 5050 for people. 330 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,800 You're going to imagine the situation as vividly as 331 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,200 possible. So if your fear is that you're 332 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,640 going to walk in the class and trip and fall and it's going to 333 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,600 be a whole thing and then your life is over, blah, blah, blah, 334 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,760 blah, you're going to literally remember that. 335 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,960 So like I'm remembering my first period Spanish class in high 336 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,360 school and like I opened the door. 337 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,720 I'm probably coming in late and I drop all my things and I'm 338 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,000 picturing people's faces that were in that class and how 339 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,960 people would respond. The teacher would probably be 340 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,680 like, Oh my gosh, what happened? Maybe some people are giggling 341 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,400 and laughing. Then I would get up and I would 342 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,240 go to my seat and maybe some people are looking at me over 343 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,480 their shoulders and I would probably be avoiding eye 344 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,400 contact. And then the teacher would start 345 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,800 the lesson and I would be feeling ashamed. 346 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,760 I'm probably like blushing and overwhelmed and I'm having all 347 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,800 these thoughts of like, what are these people thinking? 348 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,040 And so you're going through that in vivid intensity. 349 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,760 How are people reacting? What are people saying? 350 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,640 How am I feeling? How are my emotions showing up? 351 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,240 And then we think about the skills. 352 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,400 So what skills would you use? And I would probably do some 353 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,200 deep breathing and I would tell myself in my head, this is a 354 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,400 really intense and emotional situation. 355 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,920 And 10 minutes from now, people aren't going to be thinking 356 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,280 about the fact that I just faced by that. 357 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,760 People are going to be thinking about the Spanish test next 358 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,000 week. And I am going to maybe count 359 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,960 things around me. 5 things. I can see four things I can hear 360 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,920 three things I can touch two things I can smell one thing I 361 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,800 can taste. What are those things I'm going 362 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,960 to do to calm the emotions? And then what am I going to do 363 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,440 to avoid future anxiety building about this? 364 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,400 I'm going to get up at some point in class and maybe like go 365 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,360 to the bathroom. I'm practicing walking in the 366 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,600 class and it will be OK. I'm not going to avoid going to 367 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,600 class the next day. I'm not going to get there 45 368 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,080 minutes early so no one sees me walk and get to my desk, 369 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,320 etcetera. It's like, how are you going to 370 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,200 re enter that situation and overcome that anxiety? 371 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,200 And then because this probably will be a little bit intense and 372 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,000 emotional and you'll have some level of anxiety thinking about 373 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,200 the situation that might make you anxious or sad or if you're 374 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,640 full or whatever it is. We use our coping skills, we do 375 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,119 some deep breathing, we accumulate positive events, 376 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,000 etcetera. So that's the copahead skill. 377 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,480 I think it's really, really relevant and important and 378 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,319 crucial for school and it should be second nature. 379 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:21,040 A lot of us don't do this, but it's really beneficial and 380 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,760 important. Building mastery is the next 381 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,960 thing we're going to talk about, which is again, part of the ABC 382 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,720 skill. And mastery is such an 383 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,240 interesting concept. I want to do a podcast episode 384 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,640 in depth on this because basically, like the key to life 385 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,320 and self esteem and feeling OK is mastery. 386 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,200 And we've talked before in the podcast about Martin Seligman's 387 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,400 research. He is a positive psychologist. 388 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,200 He's like the father of positive psychology. 389 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,840 I took his class last semester. I'll link an episode I did about 390 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,240 positive psychology skills you can use or findings you can use 391 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,960 to improve your life. But one of the things he talked 392 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,320 about was that the opposite of mastery is learned helplessness. 393 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,760 And learned helplessness is the idea that no matter what you do, 394 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,560 no matter how hard you try, no matter what you say or think or 395 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,360 do or any of those things, you can't change your situation. 396 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,160 And so you feel helpless. And even if you are in fact able 397 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,720 to change your situation and overcome it and get out of it 398 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,200 and navigate that challenge, you've taught yourself that no 399 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,160 matter what you do, nothing's going to change. 400 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,960 So you just give up. And the opposite of that is 401 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,200 mastery. And mastery is a really, really 402 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,560 important thing because it gives us a sense of competence and 403 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:31,680 independence and self esteem. And when you look at like what 404 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,280 people need to feel good and thrive, it's that feeling of 405 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,200 like, I can do this, I'm OK, I'm a human, I have autonomy. 406 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,960 Autonomy, mastery are really, really, really important for us. 407 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,480 And that's like self determination theory as well. 408 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,040 It's as a human, we have that innate need to feel a sense of 409 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,120 mastery and competence. And so this is how DBT addresses 410 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,120 that. And so if you were looking to 411 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,440 boost your self esteem, build your confidence, feel like you 412 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,840 have a more active role in your life, this is the skill for you. 413 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,200 And every single one of us, regardless of who you are, needs 414 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,960 to be building more mastery because we'll have such a net 415 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,720 positive on your life. So basically from the DB TS 416 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,200 perspective, building mastery means doing at least one thing 417 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,640 every day to build a sense of accomplishment, plan for 418 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,720 success, not failure, do something difficult but 419 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,560 possible. We don't want to be like, I'm 420 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,680 going to build mastery by running a marathon and then 421 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,320 tomorrow you run a marathon and fail obviously because you 422 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,440 didn't train for it. We do things that are possible 423 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,160 but challenging. And this is also where we get 424 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,960 into a lot of things in psychology, like how we focus 425 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,840 optimally is being a little bit anxious and aroused, but not 426 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,880 super calm and not super overwhelmed. 427 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,520 We do our best and we get into flow state, which is when you're 428 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,440 just so focused and engaged in a task that time flies by and you 429 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,000 don't focus on what's happening around you. 430 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,600 And all of a sudden it's been 3 hours. 431 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,400 That happens to me in the podcast and I have 10 minutes 432 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,600 and I'm supposed to get on a meeting. 433 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,160 It's definitely not going to happen. 434 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,640 I get in flow state. I just talk and yap and all of a 435 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,320 sudden it's been 2 hours. But with flow state, we're doing 436 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,720 something that's challenging, but it's not so difficult that 437 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,040 we are overwhelmed and frustrated. 438 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,680 We also have this like happy medium challenging, not too 439 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,480 easy, not too hard. With boredom, we feel bored when 440 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,880 we're doing a task that's too easy, like if you're just 441 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,720 pressing a button all day. We also feel bored when a task 442 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,760 is way too hard and challenging. For me, my earth system science 443 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,080 class. It's boring because I don't 444 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,760 understand anything that's happening. 445 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,160 So there's this happy medium in psychology and how our brain 446 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,400 works. And so that's really important 447 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,760 when we think about building mastery is, yes, it's important 448 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,400 to get better at things, but we do that slowly by putting 449 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,840 ourselves in the outside of our comfort zone, but not like on 450 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,320 the other side of the world. And then the next step from DBT 451 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,840 is that we gradually increase the difficulty over time. 452 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,360 Again, we want to stay in that challenging zone. 453 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,920 And as we get better, we have to make things harder. 454 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,760 And then lastly, we look for a challenge. 455 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,920 So if the task is too easy, try something a little harder next 456 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,440 time. This again is based on that 457 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,320 psychology research. So building mastery is so 458 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,400 important, so crucial. I think I didn't even remotely 459 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,480 understand the importance of building mastery when I did DBT 460 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,400 the first time. But after all the class I've 461 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,280 taken at Penn and all the research I've read and the more 462 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,800 theories you learn about, you're like, mastery is everything. 463 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,200 I'm going to give you some fun ways that I build mastery in my 464 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,560 life. And you'll see that it doesn't 465 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,720 have to be school related, but school does give us a sense of 466 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,920 mastery, which is one of the reasons why it's important for 467 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,000 us to go to high school and maybe go to college or whatever. 468 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,920 Your next step is get a job at some point because it not only 469 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,320 you're following the trajectory of life and society and 470 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,600 eventually you're making money so you can support yourself, but 471 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,120 it also fills this really innate psychological need. 472 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,760 So some things I do for building mastery, I try and get better 473 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,040 and improve it. My makeup routine last year, I 474 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,920 was like, I don't really like what I'm doing with my makeup 475 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:43,960 routine. I feel like I've been doing the 476 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,120 same thing since high school. I watched more videos, I adjust 477 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,960 my techniques. I swapped out my products. 478 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,360 Similarly, I have been trying a new way of doing my hair. 479 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,480 You cannot tell if you're watching this on YouTube because 480 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,880 my hair is up in a bun because I came from class and I'm sweating 481 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,520 from the lights of recording this podcast. 482 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,320 But I'm trying my sister's hair technique, which I'll give you a 483 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,920 quick little summary of because it's actually really good. 484 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:09,440 I have really thin, fine hair. It gets oily in one day and it's 485 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,640 kind of straight, like if I sleep on it it'll maybe have 486 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,480 some slight waves because I'm smashing it. 487 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,720 But generally I have like pretty thin, fine straight hair and I'm 488 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,360 only showing this because it's game changing. 489 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,400 And if you have the same kind of hair type, you'll want to try 490 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,440 this. And what my sister does, she has 491 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,880 the same type of hair as she blow dries her hair every time 492 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,680 she showers and then she applies dry shampoo immediately. 493 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,640 Her hair looked so much better than mine. 494 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,280 Mine was really slacky in comparison. 495 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,680 And so I've been trying this recently. 496 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,000 So whenever I shower, I blow dry my hair again. 497 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,080 I have thin fine hair so it takes like 5 minutes. 498 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,400 It's not a long thing. I just rough dry it and then I 499 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,200 apply dry shampoo. And most of the time I do that 500 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,600 at night and then I sleep on it. I wake up in the morning, it's 501 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,240 like smooth and straight and has more volume and I'm loving it. 502 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,760 So I'm building mastery over the skill of doing my hair. 503 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,320 It's simple. Maybe it's more like that's 504 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,680 dumb, that's stupid. But this feeling of being able 505 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,880 to get better at something and see improvement really is 506 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,720 important for that confidence and self esteem. 507 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,480 Other things that bring me that sense of mastery, the podcast, 508 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,120 obviously getting better at interviewing and researching 509 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,880 guests and creating this platform and video editing and 510 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,640 social media. Like all of these pieces of the 511 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,760 podcast have brought me probably the greatest sense of mastery 512 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,120 and self esteem and confidence in my life. 513 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,800 And so that has been huge as an ongoing project. 514 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,680 I love doing diamond painting. There's not much skill involved 515 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,640 with this. You pick up the little diamonds 516 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,480 and stick them in the shape of a picture. 517 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,880 And so that's another example of doing something. 518 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,480 We were getting better at it over time and that's like 519 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,480 another fun little hobby. Hobbies are very important. 520 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,200 We're going to touch on that in a second when we talk about 521 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,000 accumulating positives. I really like flower arranging. 522 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,280 I arranged some flowers from Trader Joe's last week. 523 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,800 I learned that skill one time. I did a class with my 524 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,280 grandmother, my great aunt, my mom, and my sisters during COVID 525 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,080 and we learned like the basics of arranging flowers and getting 526 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,200 better at doing that is a really fun skill for me. 527 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,480 Bullet journaling, organizing things, getting better at these 528 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,640 systems. That brings me a sense of 529 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,040 competence in mastery. We also get a sense of mastery 530 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,440 when we learn new coping skills and get better at coping with 531 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,280 life. Like all these things that we're 532 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,160 improving and getting better with are going towards that 533 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,080 sense of mastery. And then a big one, of course, 534 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:18,040 is school, like learning new things in classes, doing well on 535 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,680 tests, moving through the hierarchy of freshman year to 536 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,680 sophomore to junior to senior in college or applications, getting 537 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,480 a job, an internship, whatever it is. 538 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,280 These also build that sense of mastery. 539 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,800 And luckily that's just kind of built into society. 540 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,960 But it's also important to do this outside of those because 541 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,920 those can also bring stress or maybe impact your well-being 542 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,160 negatively. So that's building mastery. 543 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,960 We're going to touch on accumulating positives. 544 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,160 The best DVTS actually, I cannot pick. 545 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,360 That's like asking me to choose a favorite child or a favorite 546 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,960 podcast episode. But accumulating positives is 547 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,400 probably the most fun DBT skill. Accumulating positives is the 548 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,880 idea that we are planning. We are being intentional. 549 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,760 Obviously, things happen in the moment, but we are being 550 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,720 intentional and planning these moments for two reasons. 1 is 551 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,520 that it gives us something to look forward to. 552 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,920 We are not getting into that headspace up. 553 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,440 I literally have nothing going for me. 554 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,400 I hate everything. There's nothing to look forward 555 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:10,960 to. We have these moments of things 556 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,720 we've planned. So for me, it's like I wake up, 557 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,480 I get my coffee in the morning, I enjoy my walk to class, I'm 558 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,480 reading a good book that I can't that way to curl up with at 559 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,720 night and read that book. Right now I'm reading the woman 560 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,680 by Kristen Hannah. She wrote the Nightingale. 561 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,600 I love that book so much. Like top five books I've ever 562 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,120 read. And so I saw this on like the 563 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,960 Kindle top charts and it's good. It's a little heavy, it's a 564 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,760 little darker. It's about the Vietnam War and a 565 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,680 woman that goes after her brother enlists and she's a 566 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,240 nurse and it's definitely like a little dark. 567 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,160 So far I am not super far in, but I'm really liking it. 568 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,040 Kristen Hannah is a phenomenal author. 569 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,440 I would start with the Nightingale though. 570 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,320 The Nightingale so, so, so good. You guys should all read that, 571 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,280 but it is historical fiction, so also, if that's not your genre, 572 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,880 totally get it. But it's a great book. 573 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,400 Anywho, back to what we're trying to talk about here, which 574 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,800 is accumulating positives. For me, a random accumulating 575 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,800 positive is also just my room. I try to make my room, my dorm, 576 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,520 a happy place. I have these fun little pillows. 577 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,640 I have lots of photos hung up. I put my flowers that I arranged 578 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,400 in here like these things that make me smile and feel happy and 579 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,480 feel like a sense of home and security. 580 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,960 I think this comes from being in the troubled teen industry, but 581 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,840 I really, really value that sense of consistency and 582 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,920 security and having my own place and feeling settled and stable 583 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,080 and not like I'm living out of a suitcase. 584 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,480 Having a show that you're looking forward to or enjoying? 585 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,840 I plan times to catch up on shows that I'm watching with my 586 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,800 friends. So my friend and I are going to 587 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,280 start Big Little Lies, which also I just read Big Little 588 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,600 Lies, the book that was so good. My aunt recommended it, such a 589 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,040 good read. We're going to watch the show 590 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,160 and I will report back. We also just watched Presumed 591 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,640 Innocent great loved that it's on Apple TV. 592 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,040 And so these things that you're looking forward to and enjoy. 593 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,040 If there's one piece of advice I can give you here, yes, these 594 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,640 little parts of your routine that bring you joy and pour in 595 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,200 and are kind of easy to implement, but the biggest ROI 596 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,480 you'll get with your mental health is anything related to 597 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,120 your relationships. So if you're planning to 598 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,920 accumulate positives and you're like, I am feeling low energy, I 599 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,280 don't have a lot of free time optimized for those 600 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,280 relationships. Statistically, the easiest way 601 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,640 to boost your mood that will last the longest is by doing an 602 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,120 act of kindness for someone else. 603 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,320 And that is something that's probably not going to happen in 604 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,640 a planned way, But you could plan to volunteer. 605 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,600 You could plan to help someone out with their homework or meet 606 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,360 with them. Even if you're an introvert. 607 00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:26,520 We not only feel really refueled and fulfilled by those 608 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,360 interactions, but they have a really strong and lasting impact 609 00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:33,000 on our well-being. The statistically happiest 610 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,560 people spend more time in their relationships. 611 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,880 They have more relationships and they have more filling 612 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,800 relationships. They have stronger and more 613 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,400 relationships within their network. 614 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,240 So the accumulating positives, like if there's one that you're 615 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,080 going to plan for this week, have it be relationship based, 616 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,600 but you can have fun with this. Put them on your schedule, keep 617 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,040 things out in your room that kind of jog your memory. 618 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,480 And this does have an impact on well-being, even if it's like 619 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,400 fun and silly little things that you're accumulating. 620 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,640 This is also like the dopamine menu if you've seen on TikTok or 621 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,080 Instagram, people are like, this is my dopamine menu. 622 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,480 Love a dopamine menu. This is accumulating positive. 623 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,240 DBT is have this in the book for ages. 624 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,800 And if you follow downtown behavioral Wellness, love her. 625 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,080 She came on the podcast. She also talked about this, 626 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,960 where this is the DBT scale in action. 627 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,760 We'd love to see it. But accumulating positives is 628 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,520 really important and really key for that sense of I have good 629 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,240 things for going for me. I have things I'm looking 630 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,880 forward to and also in the moment it boosts your 631 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,120 well-being, but the benefits are really threefold. 632 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,360 And the final part of that is when we reflect on our life. 633 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,480 And so when we're not being intentional about accumulating 634 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,720 these positive moments, maybe some just happen and you see a 635 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,080 cute dog on your way to class or you end up having a good 636 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,880 conversation with a friend. But we can't guarantee those 637 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,840 things will happen. And so when we've planned these 638 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,600 moments and we've accumulated them, then when we look back on 639 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,600 our day, our week, our month, our life, we can't say I have 640 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,520 nothing going for me. Everything sucks. 641 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,240 I can't think of any positive moments. 642 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,040 So we can look at this list, look, these photos we've taken, 643 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,240 however you're documenting this and say, I have done all these 644 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,400 incredible, amazing things this week and these things make me 645 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,600 happy and these things matter. My last coping skill that I'm 646 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,440 going to give you is exposure and exposure therapy, which is 647 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,440 kind of a hot topic on social media, but we love exposure. 648 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,160 It's very important for your mental health. 649 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,840 And I wanted to talk about this because college especially is 650 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,600 optimized for avoidance. If you want to avoid something, 651 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,480 it is so easy. Most classes don't take 652 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,000 attendance. You can get away with not fully 653 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,120 doing your assignments. You don't have to see anyone. 654 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,200 You don't have to have a single meal with anyone else throughout 655 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,360 your entire college experience if you didn't want to. 656 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,480 It's not as structured at high school, but all of those things 657 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,240 like going to class to have a sense of structure, spending 658 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,000 time with friends, eating meals with people, doing your 659 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,480 assignments are really important not only for your academic 660 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:45,560 success, but your personal Wellness as well. 661 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,760 And so when we're avoiding things, the way that we overcome 662 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,320 that is exposure and exposure therapy. 663 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,360 And so the idea behind exposure therapy is that when we have an 664 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,480 emotion with a negative valence, maybe it's fear, maybe it's 665 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,920 anxiety, maybe a shame, anger might be a reason that you're 666 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,920 avoiding something. But when we're avoiding 667 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,680 something, especially from an anxiety perspective, the worst 668 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,360 thing that we can do is avoid because the emotion amplifies, 669 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,000 becomes harder to re enter that situation and you're just making 670 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,640 things 1000 times worse for yourself. 671 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,280 So anytime you feel that voidance of like, I'd rather not 672 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,680 do that thing and of course it's like run a marathon, I'd rather 673 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,960 not That's OK. I give you permission to avoid. 674 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,200 But these small things that are coming from an emotional route 675 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,400 and that you want to avoid because it's uncomfortable, like 676 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,040 talking to someone new or introducing yourself or asking 677 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,720 for help, go towards those things because it will have 678 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,600 enough positive on your life. And so when we do exposure 679 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,880 therapy, if you have a big thing that you're avoiding, like say 680 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,120 you're avoiding making friends, say you're avoiding introducing 681 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,960 yourself to a teacher, say you have a ton of anxiety about your 682 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,480 final, you're going to make an exposure hierarchy. 683 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,280 So you're going to make a list of things that it get 684 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,000 increasingly a little bit more scary until you get to that big 685 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,160 goal. So if you are doing exposure 686 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,160 therapy to prepare yourself for your final exam, the first step 687 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,200 would be like going to lecture when they talk about what to 688 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,360 expect for the final exam. And then being like, there's two 689 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,280 exams this semester and one final. 690 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,400 These are the chapters that are going to be covered and these 691 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,320 are the dates that's probably going to give you a little bit 692 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:11,720 of anxiety, but you're going to be OK. 693 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,720 You're going to do deep breathing, you're going to get 694 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:14,880 through it. You're going to write down the 695 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,960 notes and you are going to get through that situation. 696 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,960 Maybe the next thing is going to office hours and asking your TA, 697 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,640 Hey, I was just wondering like what we can expect as far as 698 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,840 difficulty. Are you going to give us review 699 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,800 questions? Is there going to be a review 700 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,600 session? And kind of exposing yourself 701 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,840 mentally to what to expect now as you get closer to the date, 702 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,200 you're going to do things like doing practice questions. 703 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,240 Maybe you're going to sit in the room where the exam is going to 704 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,200 take place. Maybe you're going to mentally 705 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,120 imagine yourself taking this test and you're going to work 706 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,960 yourself up to this thing that makes you really anxious. 707 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,040 And so you could do a more structured exposure hierarchy 708 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,040 like that. But really the advice that I 709 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,640 want to give any students and anyone that's navigating back to 710 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,240 school because it's very anxious and avoidance your own time, 711 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,680 especially if you're in college, is when you feel that feeling of 712 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,040 like, I'd rather not, I'd like to avoid this is uncomfortable. 713 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,320 Go towards that thing. And maybe you don't go towards 714 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,000 it today, but tomorrow you start working yourself up towards it 715 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,760 because it's one of the best things you can do again for your 716 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,520 academic and personal well-being. 717 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,480 So those are my skills. We did a little how to plan and 718 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,360 motivate and track your semester so you actually have that 719 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:19,960 awareness to make positive changes. 720 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,640 And we did some ABC. So accumulating positives, 721 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,680 building mastery and cope ahead through really important skills 722 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,760 for well-being, especially as a student. 723 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,160 I really hope you guys enjoyed this. 724 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,120 Oh my God, we didn't even talk about the fact that it's episode 725 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,280 200. Hello. 726 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,680 That was why we were doing this episode is that I asked you guys 727 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,760 on Instagram what you wanted to see for episode 200 and you said 728 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,960 back to school advice. So here we are. 729 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,640 We did back to school advice, but I was so caught up in this 730 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,800 that I didn't even get to accumulate this positive of 200 731 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,800 episodes. I cannot believe it. 732 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,400 It feels like not does not feel like yesterday since I started 733 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,480 the podcast because this has been so much time and so much 734 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:55,640 work. I'm so proud of it. 735 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,520 But thank you guys for listening and tuning in. 736 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,800 And if you made it to 200, I'm so incredibly grateful and I 737 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,680 hope this was helpful. That's always the goal. 738 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,400 But this is a fun little milestone to celebrate and 739 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,120 accumulate as a positive. We built some mastery along the 740 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,840 way, I hope. And yeah, this is episode 200. 741 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,000 I'll see you again at 300. Just kidding. 742 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,000 I'll see you at 201, but I'm so glad that we made it this far. 743 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,200 It really hoped you guys liked this episode and that it was jam 744 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,840 packed with value and just thank you. 745 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,080 Thank you for 200 episodes. I'm so excited. 746 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,000 I can't even believe I forgot to talk about that. 747 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,000 This is the thing guys, is that I record episodes like 10 in 748 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,800 advance, except for the solos. And so a lot of the times I 749 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,080 forget where we are with numbers, but this is 200. 750 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,720 So celebrate amazing. I'm so happy. 751 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,400 I hope you're happy. I hope you enjoyed this episode 752 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,600 and with that revelation, I'll see you next week. 753 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,640 And of course, my last always have to say share with offender 754 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,640 family member. I want to hear your thoughts on 755 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,880 this episode, if you liked it, if you didn't, if you have any 756 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,560 more questions. So definitely don't hesitate to 757 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,560 reach out. And I hope you guys all have the 758 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,640 best back to school season and you're going to do great this 759 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,280 semester or trimester or quarter or whatever your system you're 760 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,200 on. And I'm here for you guys and 761 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:07,000 you got this.