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Happy Monday and welcome to your
mental Health Mini. 

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This week's guest is Tyus Gibson
and we are talking secure 

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attachments. 
There are four major attachment 

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styles. 
The first one is the secure 

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attachment style. 
And basically they grew up with 

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a very secure upbringing. 
In other words, there's a lot of

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healthy patterns modeled to 
them. 

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We have three other insecure 
attachment styles #1 is the 

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anxious attachment style. 
Anxious individuals tend to have

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feelings of loneliness in 
childhood, feelings of being 

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unloved or abandoned. 
And it can be that they have 

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very loving parents, but the 
parents are inconsistent, like 

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they're not around all the time,
they work a lot. 

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Or it could be that there is a 
real abandonment that takes 

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place in childhood. 
And So what happens is as a 

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young adult or going into adult 
years, when we start having 

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relationships, we end up feeling
like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to 

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be abandoned at any moment. 
And the anxious attachment style

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will often present as needy or 
clinging in their adult life 

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because they have a lot of these
fears of people pulling away, 

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but they tend to cope with these
fears by holding on more 

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tightly. 
On the flip other end of the 

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continuum is the dismissive 
avoidant attachment style. 

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And the dismissive avoidant 
usually grows up with childhood 

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emotional neglect as the 
overarching theme. 

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In other words, there's often a 
lot of, you know, that that 

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child not having their emotions 
be able to be expressed and have

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it positively validated. 
And so basically, this person 

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grows up to feel like I don't 
want emotional closeness to 

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somebody because I'm not 
accepted when I'm vulnerable. 

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And in fact, having a lot more 
space from people is actually 

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what makes me feel more safe and
more comfortable. 

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And as adults, you'll see that 
these individuals tend to be 

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very afraid of too much 
closeness and they can leave a 

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relationship all of a sudden. 
They can sometimes be 

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emotionally unavailable and they
can really want to pull away 

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from somebody the moment things 
get too real or too serious. 

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And then last but not least, 
there's a fearful avoidant. 

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Fearful avoidance. 
Basically share in the anxious 

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and avoidant side of the 
attachment continuum. 

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And why this actually happens is
because fearful avoiding 

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children grow up in households 
where there's a lot of extreme 

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associations on either side of 
what's happening. 

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So sometimes they'll feel like, 
OK, closeness is safe and it's a

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good thing and there's love. 
And so they'll fear that 

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closeness being taken away 
because they've often had the 

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polar opposite end of that 
spectrum, but they'll fear 

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abandonment as a result. 
And they can have that need to 

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cling and hold on tight, but at 
the same time, they've often had

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really painful experiences 
around connection. 

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So they also fear getting too 
close. 

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Basically, there's going to be 
this overarching theme of not 

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being able to trust, not knowing
what you're going to get, and 

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also constantly feeling like 
you're in this push pull pattern

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of wanting closeness. 
But as soon as it gets real or 

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too close, you want to pull it 
away. 

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And if anybody's listening and 
they're like, OK, I'm insecurely

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attached. 
I'm one of those 3 insecure 

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ones. 
It doesn't, it's not like this 

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is like a formal diagnosis. 
It's basically just a 

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subconscious set of rules that 
you've learned about love that 

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you're just storing like we 
talked about in that warehouse 

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and reprojecting back out onto 
the world. 

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So basically the first thing we 
want to do is those big fears. 

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So like the anxious attachment 
has the big abandonment fears. 

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They also tend to fear being 
disliked, rejected, not good 

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enough, excluded, fearful 
avoidance have those abandonment

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fears, but also fear being 
trapped or not being able to 

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trust or being in the wrong 
relationship with somebody and 

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feeling unworthy or like they 
could be betrayed. 

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Dismissive avoidance. 
They fear being shamed or 

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engulfed or criticized or being 
helpless or powerless if you're 

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being weak, if they're 
vulnerable. 

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So hopefully people can start to
hear like, OK, those are my big 

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relationship fears. 
And one of the first things that

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we do is we actually rewire 
those fears because you're not 

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born with these fears, and these
fears get conditioned into your 

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programming through repetition 
and emotion over time. 

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The second thing is we need to 
learn to meet our own needs. 

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And I think a lot of what 
happens is we have this society 

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or this outside world that's 
constant kind of pressuring us 

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to be this mold of what societal
or cultural expectations exist. 

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And so part of, you know, pillar
number two of these five pillars

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is US learning who we are in 
regards to our needs. 

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And every person has needs. 
Every person is run by those 

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needs in a really big way. 
For some people, they need more 

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reassurance or validation or 
acceptance. 

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For other people, they need more
freedom or autonomy. 

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But it's us actually tuning into
like, what makes me feel like 

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I'm in the most fulfilled 
version of my life when which 

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needs are met? 
Do I feel the best? 

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Anxious attachment styles tend 
to need a lot of that. 

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Validation, encouragement, 
reassurance. 

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Certainty is really big. 
They need to work with people, 

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collaborate. 
They need open communication, 

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dismissive avoidance, need that 
like freedom, autonomy, 

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independence. 
But they actually also respond 

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relationally really well to 
acknowledgement and 

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appreciation. 
And they also respond really 

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well to empathy, support and 
acceptance and fearful 

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avoidance. 
Basically share in both sides of

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those. 
So you can sort of hear yourself

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in there. 
But they also need like depth or

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novelty. 
They need challenge and growth 

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and they need that connection 
and, and intimacy as well. 

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So when we know our relational 
needs, we can start to 

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understand, well, these things 
really define the relationship 

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we have to ourself. 
And so when we can sit down and 

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be like, OK, well, what do I 
need and how can I meet these 

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needs in the relationship to 
myself first? 

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So we reprogram core wounds. 
We learn our needs and how to 

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meet them. 
We regulate our nervous system, 

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which is its own beast of a 
topic. 

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It's really about like being 
able to spend less time in fight

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or flight mode and really make 
sure we feel comfortable being 

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in our body. 
And a lot of that's through like

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meditation or breath work or 
nervous system regulation habits

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like light exercise, yoga, 
things that are actually gonna 

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anchor us into our body and 
attune us to what it feels like 

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to be with ourselves and be more
present. 

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And then we go into having 
healthy boundaries and learning 

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to communicate properly what our
needs are to others. 

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And if we can really do those 
five things, that's where we'll 

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move the needle on going from 
insecurely attached to securely 

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attached. 
If you enjoyed this week's 

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mental Health Mini, you can 
listen to the full episode. 

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It is episode 202 featuring 
Tyice Gibson. 

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A link to the full episode is in
the show notes. 

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As always, make sure to leave a 
review, subscribe, share with a 

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friend or family member, and 
follow at at Cheapersisted 

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podcast. 
Thanks for listening.