1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,100 Welcome to she persisted I'm your host Sadie Saxton a 19 year 2 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:07,100 old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:10,400 Pennsylvania. She persisted is the Teen Mental 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,800 Health podcast made for teenagers by a team in each 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,400 episode. I'll bring you authentic 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,300 accessible and relatable conversations about every aspect 7 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:21,600 of mental Wellness. You can expect evidence-based, 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,100 Tina, proof resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT, 9 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,300 insights and education. In each piece of content, you 10 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:31,700 consume, she persisted It offers you a safe space to feel 11 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,800 validated and understood in your struggle. 12 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,300 While encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and 13 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:40,900 build your life worth living. So let's dive in this week on. 14 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:45,500 She persisted I'm definitely in the thick of college pressure. 15 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,900 My advice is really just be the best applicant you can be. 16 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,800 Don't try to beat the other people, try to be the best 17 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,800 version of you make yourself stand out and just instead of 18 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,000 looking at whatever in else is doing just do what you like. 19 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:04,800 Do go deep into that, do great things with it and that's what's 20 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,800 going to help you. The most a lot of parents are so 21 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,300 caught up in the comparison. Don't worry about that. 22 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,700 Worry about making your kid the best applicant, they can be 23 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,500 hello. Hello, and welcome back to 24 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,500 another episode of she persisted. 25 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:21,200 I am so excited because I have a fellow Teen Mental Health 26 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,200 Advocate on the show today. You guys know that I love having 27 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,000 other teenagers on she persisted because that's where I started. 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,000 She persisted. I wanted it to be. 29 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:34,800 A resource for teens made by a teenager and this conversation 30 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,400 is the perfect representation of that. 31 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,500 So today's guest is that Gottlieb, he is the 32 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:44,800 sixteen-year-old founder of talk with Zach, a gen Z movement and 33 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,300 community. That hosts important 34 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,500 conversations to change the culture Inspire activism and 35 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,600 make the world a better place. Before we get into this episode. 36 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,500 I wanted to say a huge, thank you because as I'm recording it 37 00:01:56,500 --> 00:02:01,100 is Spotify wrapped day and if you didn't know, Casters get a 38 00:02:01,107 --> 00:02:06,100 Spotify wrapped of their own to learn about listeners and I you 39 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:09,199 guys killed it this year. This is not me, this is you guys 40 00:02:09,199 --> 00:02:13,300 you guys listened from 70 countries, you guys listened a 41 00:02:13,308 --> 00:02:17,600 hundred and sixty-two percent more hours this year, which is 42 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,600 wild. I released over one point seven 43 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,400 thousand minutes of this podcast. 44 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:27,100 I hope that no one listened to all of that but really exciting. 45 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,700 Stat. And 39 episodes came out this 46 00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:31,300 year. Which It is insane. 47 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:37,300 Additionally, she persisted was the top podcast for 176 Spotify, 48 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:40,900 listeners. It was in the top five for 632 49 00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:44,200 listeners and in the top ten for 970. 50 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,500 So if any of those is you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 51 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:52,600 So it really does mean the world and she persisted was in the top 52 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,000 5% of the most shared podcast globally. 53 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,200 So let's add on to that. For this next year make sure to 54 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,600 share today's episode with a Family member, if you find it 55 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,400 helpful, as always, if you share on social media already, posted 56 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,000 it. Give you a little shout out. 57 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:08,500 But yeah, I just am so grateful for you guys. 58 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,400 I had no listeners at the beginning of this. 59 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,200 I've said this many times, my first month was like, 24 60 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,400 listeners, and that was literally all me. 61 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,600 Reloading, I built this from your listeners without an 62 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,900 audience, and I'm just so grateful for every single one of 63 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,900 you that is listened and beyond that. 64 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,700 I just hope this is helpful for you. 65 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,700 And I hope that this show in addition is I mean that I'm so 66 00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:35,000 passionate about and that gives me so much purpose and pride. 67 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,500 I really do hope it's valuable for you on your journey with 68 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:41,300 your mental health. So without little heartfelt 69 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,100 moment. We're going to dive into this 70 00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:46,700 week's episode with Zack. We talk all things stress and 71 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,000 finals and all different things that teenagers navigate. 72 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,100 We talked about his own experience. 73 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,700 We talk about male mental health, anything and everything. 74 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:57,200 You can imagine that teenagers are dealing with we dive into it 75 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,000 in this episode, so I hope you find it helpful. 76 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,800 Let's dive in. Well, thank you so much for 77 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,000 joining me today, Zak. I'm so excited to have you on, 78 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,600 she persisted. Yeah, thanks for having me. 79 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,000 I'm excited to do this, of course. 80 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:13,100 So I wanted to start with talking about teen male mental 81 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,000 health. Specifically, it's a topic that 82 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,200 I haven't been able to shed a ton of light on. 83 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,800 I've talked to, a couple of people about how nicotine use 84 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,700 can impact mental health. I've talked a little bit to 85 00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,400 adults that have gone through mental health challenges as a 86 00:04:26,407 --> 00:04:29,400 teenager and how toxic masculinity and things can 87 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,500 impact. That. 88 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,400 But I really wanted to get your perspective as someone who's 89 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:36,700 currently navigating the challenges of being a teenager, 90 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:38,900 high school, college, applications, all of that kind 91 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,800 of stuff about what it's like to do that as a male. 92 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,400 Because, obviously, there's so much societal conditioning that 93 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,900 we receive. There's a lot of different 94 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,700 things that the research shows about how that impacts males. 95 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,200 Whether it's suicide rates, whether it's rates of 96 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,200 depression, which is really interesting. 97 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,700 If listeners aren't familiar, the rate of depression in 98 00:04:56,700 --> 00:05:00,600 teenage girls is higher, but the rate of suicide and Else is 99 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,800 higher. So, there's this kind of 100 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,000 juxtaposition that both are really struggling, but it seems 101 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,900 like females are vocalizing. It more, they're more condition 102 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:11,500 to advocate for those, not even Advocate, but just speak about 103 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,900 those emotions. They're more likely to talk to 104 00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:15,800 their friends about the challenges, they're going 105 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:16,800 through. So what is that? 106 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,700 Like, have you experienced those differences? 107 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:22,300 Have you found it difficult to talk about mental health. 108 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,500 What has that been like in your experience? 109 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,100 Sure. I am not surprised by those 110 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:30,400 statistics at all. Because I've noticed that That 111 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:34,100 one thing that separates males and females is that females are 112 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:37,600 a lot more likely to talk about what they feel and share it, 113 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:41,500 whereas men, I mean, it's so rooted in our culture that men 114 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,600 are supposed to be more stoic. So it makes sense that they just 115 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,100 bought up their feelings. Then, as you can see, it just 116 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:53,000 leads to a much worse result when you hold everything inside, 117 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,600 in terms of my own experience. Like way beginning of covid, my 118 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,300 grandfather who was really close with passed away and What 119 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:03,000 happened to the message that I got was be strong? 120 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,600 Like you could get through this, you're tough. 121 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,700 And it wasn't like, I don't really have the room to talk 122 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,600 about what I felt necessarily. Where is the women in my family? 123 00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:16,000 Were given a lot more leeway in terms of expressing their 124 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,400 emotions. And that's when it really hit me 125 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,900 that, it's very different for men and how they deal with 126 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,400 anything, whether it's grief, whether it's something smaller. 127 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,400 And I've noticed that a lot of my friends don't really talk 128 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,100 about their emotions a lot. A lot of my male friends at 129 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:35,100 least, where's my female friends open up a lot more and are more 130 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:39,300 comfortable doing so. So I've definitely noticed this 131 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:43,600 and I think that it is really harmful, not only for men, but 132 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:48,400 also for females because when we have this culture, it's like 133 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:52,500 only one gender group can really Express themselves. 134 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,500 And I think it's difficult because when you're talking to 135 00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,000 men, you never really know if they're just saying their final. 136 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,400 Arthur actually find in a relationship. 137 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,100 It's difficult, whether it's romance romantic relationship or 138 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:09,500 a friendship. And I think that if this doesn't 139 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:14,200 change it just going to be worse and the suicide rates are going 140 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,500 to go up. I just feel like bottling. 141 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,800 Your feelings is one of the worst things you can do. 142 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,000 But the thing is, it's very difficult for men. 143 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,000 Not to do that because of what the culture dictates. 144 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,800 Yeah, it's also interesting to think about the relationship 145 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,200 type. Gimmicks, like you mentioned, if 146 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,300 one person is always expressing emotions, or has more 147 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,900 experience, handling, someone else's emotions, and someone 148 00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:40,600 just doesn't have that skill set, it creates a complete power 149 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,700 and balance. Almost makes it very difficult 150 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:45,000 for both. Emotional needs to get met. 151 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,800 Do you think that we're seeing a shift towards males? 152 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,300 Speaking more about their mental health challenges and emotions. 153 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,000 I feel like at least on Tick-Tock I'm seeing more Mill 154 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,700 creators talk about these challenges, but it also just 155 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,900 feel like the adult demographic and not yet teenagers. 156 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,500 But I'd love to hear your thoughts there. 157 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,600 Yeah, I've also seen that I have seen some teams open up on 158 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,500 Tick-Tock. Oh, awesome LTS, which is very 159 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,900 nice to see. Very few people are doing it, 160 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:15,700 but I'm really glad that it's happening because I feel like a 161 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,000 couple years ago, you just never see that. 162 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,000 So I feel like we're in the right direction. 163 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,500 We just need to continue on this path. 164 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,800 I've noticed that Mel vulnerability has become 165 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:33,200 increasingly talked about and increasingly modeled by 166 00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:36,299 high-profile people. I think that's really good, but 167 00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:40,299 I think we need to continue with this and really I think for my 168 00:08:40,299 --> 00:08:42,900 generation Tick-Tock is one of the best places. 169 00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:47,100 So I think promoting it, they're making videos of content 170 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,600 creators, just share and be vulnerable. 171 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,000 I think that can really help because it's one thing to say to 172 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,800 be vulnerable. And another thing to actually 173 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,500 model, what it's like, To be vulnerable and putting yourself 174 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:02,300 out there, what can people within the community and life of 175 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,300 someone that is trying to be more vulnerable, trying to 176 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,300 express these emotions do to be helpful. 177 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,100 I'm thinking of what's not helpful with parents being way 178 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,700 over the top, like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy that you're 179 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:17,000 expressing this emotion, you are so safe and then the opposite of 180 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,800 just not acknowledging it at all. 181 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,000 What has been helpful for you or for friends of yours or people 182 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,500 that you've seen in the mental health space? 183 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:26,500 Obviously something in the middle there, I mean I feel like 184 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:30,000 so many people are over playing it and being like, Oh my God, 185 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,200 this is so amazing. And it just so overblown that it 186 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,400 I feel like it almost turns off people. 187 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,300 Yes. No. 188 00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,400 I think meeting somewhere in the middle being open and receptive 189 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,800 to what they're saying. Instead of being like, Oh my 190 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,900 God, you're being vulnerable. This is amazing. 191 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,000 It's like listen and act like it's a normal thing because if 192 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000 we just make it all over the top, it's going to seem like 193 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,100 this weird new thing instead of something that were trying to 194 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,800 normalize. So I think my tip for that is 195 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,600 just listen and be there and be open to what they have to say 196 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,100 and respond and you know, II think it's a really special 197 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,600 thing of someone opens up to you. 198 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:10,000 So just meet them in the middle. Absolutely. 199 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,200 And it's a very achievable thing to do to just create space for 200 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,700 someone else's emotions. You don't have to stress out 201 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,700 about saying the exact right thing back. 202 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200 Just treat it like normal, continue the relationship. 203 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,700 So I think that's a great tip. You have created this amazing 204 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,600 Community where you answer so many Audience questions about 205 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,900 Teen Mental Health struggles challenges. 206 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:33,200 Whether it's school or relationships, or college 207 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,500 applications, all of these different things. 208 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:39,400 So I love to hear from you what, your top stressors challenges 209 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,800 that you're seeing in your audience that teens are facing. 210 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:47,400 I think it really depends on the time like a few weeks ago or 211 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,900 about a month ago. Now we were in the midst of the 212 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,300 finals so then it was really academic. 213 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:56,100 Stress is all the rage. Now, over the summer, I Think 214 00:10:56,100 --> 00:11:01,500 it's a lot more of relationship pressure whether it's a breakup 215 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:06,300 or social with friends and social media is always, it's 216 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:09,700 just a chronic source of pressure and anxiety. 217 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:12,000 So I think those are some of the big ones and then there are 218 00:11:12,008 --> 00:11:15,700 other things that I've talked about like, grief addiction, 219 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:19,800 gender identity, and racism, and just things like that, that are 220 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,400 consistent as well. Absolutely. 221 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,700 And especially, with the news landscape, those things are 222 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,100 always being brought out those emotions are consistently very 223 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:32,000 raw, so very relevant topics. So I'd love to dive into a 224 00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:35,100 couple of those topics and give input and advice on how 225 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:38,000 teenagers can navigate those kind of model that vulnerability 226 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,200 as we just talked about. Let's start with relationships 227 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,800 will dive into social media after that and then cover a 228 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,200 couple more topics on relationships. 229 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,100 What are you seeing? What are the most common 230 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,700 concerns that are coming up and then what advice are you giving 231 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:56,300 to your audience? So, in terms of relationships, 232 00:11:56,300 --> 00:12:00,400 I'm getting both, platonic and romantic relationships. 233 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,800 I think both of them are really important and I'll just start 234 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,600 with atomic. So I think the main things that 235 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,300 are coming up at like, oh I'm becoming a little more distant 236 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:12,600 from my friends over the summer, and I think the main thing for 237 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,900 that is just keep in contact and understand that it happens to 238 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:19,200 literally everyone. It just natural people go. 239 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,800 Places people do things. So I think just knowing that, 240 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,400 that's what happens over the summer. 241 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,900 And also just keep in contact, send them a tick tock, I don't 242 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,800 know, like text them, whatever, just something like that and 243 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,000 then the other thing is more personal and specific 244 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,400 relationship things. And I think the number one thing 245 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,700 that's important. I mean this can go for either 246 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,100 romantic or just friends. But communication is so key. 247 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,600 If people don't communicate you just never get to know what the 248 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:50,300 issue is so communicate just so you feel if you don't like 249 00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:53,400 something voice it out, it's not going to hurt the other. 250 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,200 Person. If you do in a respectful way, 251 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,900 and then romantic relationships, actually did a post. 252 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,400 I don't know. This is coming out of the post 253 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,000 about breakups today because I got a blog post about it 254 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,300 actually, and they can be really tough. 255 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:09,000 But I think the important things to remember are just don't over 256 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,500 analyze, what happened? Don't stress about it. 257 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,700 Take some space, get away from wherever you were without 258 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:18,100 person. And just focus on yourself, 259 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,100 focus on moving past, it's going to hurt for a little bit. 260 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:25,200 You not going to be over her. In a day, if it was a meaningful 261 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,500 relationship or him or if ever you're attracted to was thinking 262 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,800 of me. But, yeah, I think those are the 263 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,200 main points for that. And then again, I've gotten some 264 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,700 when people are still in a relationship. 265 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:38,700 Again, communication is really important. 266 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:42,600 I just feel like a lot of times, people are scared to sort of 267 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,800 move forward, and I think the number one thing for that, which 268 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,100 is being on the same page and talking about where both of you 269 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:52,800 are are you seeing people anxious nervous? 270 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,700 I'm sorry. About how relationships friends, 271 00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:58,600 and romantic will change. When you go to college or 272 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,300 graduate high school and experience that transition? 273 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:04,100 Yeah, I definitely have people worried about that. 274 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,900 I got a question though. This girl wrote and she's like, 275 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:11,200 my boyfriend and I are both graduating from high school, and 276 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,800 I'm just a little worried about that. 277 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,800 So I think it really depends. I mean, personally, I think that 278 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,000 long distance when you're starting college is a super 279 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000 difficult. Yeah. 280 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,900 But I mean, by all means if you're willing to To do that in 281 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,900 your in so decision, both of you are happy with, by all means, do 282 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,200 it. And I just feel like knowing 283 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:33,400 that almost all relationships just, and when people go to 284 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,200 college is just something really important to keep in mind. 285 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:40,200 And then another thing, in terms of friends, keeping in contact 286 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:45,000 is just really key their tax, each other check-in, just build 287 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,400 those relationships. And, you know, if it's summer 288 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,600 break, winter break whenever I mean, your home, a lot in 289 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,000 college, you know, there are Of break. 290 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,300 So you could definitely see each other. 291 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,000 Then it's not the same. I'm not saying it's the same. 292 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,900 I'm just saying there are more opportunities than a lot of 293 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,500 people think. I've also found that 294 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:06,200 relationships at home, whether its family or friends, from high 295 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,600 school can be so helpful in getting support venting, 296 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,200 improving your mental health, because in college in most cases 297 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,900 your meeting an entire new set of people. 298 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:19,100 You're still building those relationships. 299 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,100 So to also try and lean on those people for mental health 300 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,300 support. When your Struggling can be a 301 00:15:24,308 --> 00:15:27,100 little bit difficult because the foundation might not be there. 302 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,200 And so I think it's a another good reminder that you can lean 303 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,200 on those High School relationships, you can call 304 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,700 befriend and vent about final stress or this friend, you're 305 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,500 getting in an argument with a roommate troubles or whatever it 306 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,500 is or call a parrot and be like this is the worst week ever. 307 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,600 I'm so stressed out because that Foundation is there. 308 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,100 Those people care about you, they love you and they want to 309 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,500 hear from you and even though you're not living at home 310 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,900 anymore even though you're not seeing each other every day. 311 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,900 It In that they still don't want to support you or that they're 312 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,700 not worried about you or wanting to see you succeed. 313 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,500 And so that was something that I think I almost forgot at the 314 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:04,100 beginning of college. And then once I remembered, it 315 00:16:04,108 --> 00:16:06,700 was just such a nice thing to know, like no matter what 316 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,500 happens. I have these amazing 317 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,700 relationships that I've already built and I can lean on those 318 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:14,400 for support while I'm still continuing to build these new 319 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,900 friendships and get to know this new group of people. 320 00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:20,600 Yeah, I think that's a great strategy especially if you're 321 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,000 hearing from people who are at college with you. 322 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,700 Cuz it's giving you a different perspective and it's adding new 323 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:29,500 information in a, new way of thinking, of the situation. 324 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:32,000 And also, just having that support from someone that you 325 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,000 feel that comfortable with. I just feel like separating 326 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,700 yourself Talking someone. That's not where you are and 327 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:40,100 just make up all the different. So, yeah, thanks for bringing 328 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,000 that up. Yeah. 329 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,400 I think another thing, I love what you said about different 330 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,700 perspectives, and it's funny because I feel like, what I 331 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:50,000 noticed with my friends and I, we would like, share the 332 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,400 highlight reels of what was going on in college. 333 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,200 And whenever we would laugh, Really talk and catch up on what 334 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,500 was going on. We were all feeling the same 335 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,400 way. We were like, this is 336 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,000 exhausting. We miss our high school friends. 337 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,900 We still haven't found our groups yet and we will at some 338 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:07,200 point, but this is just overwhelming and new and things 339 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,500 aren't as perfect as they might seem from the outside. 340 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:14,000 And so, I think that's a really great thing that you're all 341 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,000 navigating. This new experience at the same 342 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,400 time, you're all awkward, new freshman kind of in this new 343 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,300 landscape with new challenges you've never experienced before. 344 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,500 And so even though you might Might be on different sides of 345 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,900 the country are with completely different people in different 346 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,000 Majors. A lot of these experiences are 347 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,800 Universal and a lot of them are very relatable and have the same 348 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,200 emotions come up for lots of people. 349 00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:38,300 Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think whatever College 350 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,500 you go to for a big score, small school. 351 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,400 It's still the same things you're dealing with. 352 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,600 Its meeting all new people college is stressful academic 353 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,200 bathrooms? Yeah. 354 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,100 Yeah, exactly. The living is different. 355 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:52,000 Yeah, you're away from home. And yeah, I just feel like 356 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,800 having that support And knowing you're not alone, not just at 357 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,400 your college, but everywhere is really important. 358 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,000 Today's episode is brought to you by teen counseling. 359 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000 Teen counseling is better helps branch of their online Therapy 360 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,700 Program. They have over 14,000 licensed 361 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,700 therapist within their Network offering support on things like 362 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,600 depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and so 363 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,100 much more so many challenges that Zack. 364 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:19,500 And I discussed in this episode can be beneficial to work with a 365 00:18:19,508 --> 00:18:22,500 therapist on and what I've navigated, many of these things 366 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:26,100 I've worked with best therapy is a great resource to have in your 367 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,600 tool kit to have support during your teenage years because teens 368 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,900 are the most vulnerable population when it comes to 369 00:18:31,908 --> 00:18:35,300 mental health, fifty percent of mental health, challenges are 370 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:40,100 established by age, 14 and 75% by age 24. 371 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,500 So if there is ever a time to get support and make sure that 372 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,300 you have the skills in your toolkit to navigate mental 373 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:50,000 health challenges. It's now so with that, if you 374 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,700 guys would like to find a therapist and do therapy 375 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,700 virtually A great option. If you don't have a therapist 376 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:59,300 near you or there's a long waiting lists or referral 377 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,800 periods teen counseling is a great option. 378 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,200 They offer text talk and video counseling all from your home. 379 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,800 So depending on what level of support you are looking for, 380 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,500 they meet you where you are at, so you can head to teen 381 00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,700 counseling.com. She persisted to find a 382 00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,900 therapist that fits your needs today. 383 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:19,300 Again that is teen counseling.com. 384 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:24,200 She, persisted also relating to relationships parents, Dynamics 385 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,700 conflict there. What are people most concerned 386 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,600 about. Is it improving relationships 387 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,200 with parents? Is it trying to be more 388 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,900 vulnerable than building trust? Is it conflict? 389 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,700 That's coming up. What are you seeing in your 390 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,600 community? Yes, I got a lot of questions 391 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,300 about parents also got questions from parents asking about how to 392 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,100 help their teams, which is kind of funny, right? 393 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:44,100 Sending. So many questions. 394 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:51,500 Yes, and it's kind of funny, but all the parents listening, well, 395 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:54,500 answer all your questions. I love getting But it's funny 396 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,800 that they're always reaching out and it's not the Tina's much. 397 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,600 Yeah, I know. It is really funny and I think 398 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:05,300 what that come with and the reason for that is they really 399 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:07,500 care about their teens. They want to do everything to 400 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,900 help them, to lead them, to a successful life, and you've 401 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,100 never noticed before, they're looking for all the help, they 402 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:16,800 can get an object. So there's no manual. 403 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,400 So it totally makes sense. They should really make like, a 404 00:20:19,408 --> 00:20:22,500 parent guide book, and there are so many books on parenting. 405 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,800 There are so many books. Splice the next. 406 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,400 I really yeah, like an official Bible. 407 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,800 Yes, like that. Yeah I don't know, everyone 408 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,900 follows that would be amazing. But anyway, I think the main 409 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,500 things that parents are writing in about or how do I get my team 410 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,900 to open up? Yeah, I think I mean the 411 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:43,800 strategy that I've noticed works, the best is just creating 412 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:48,100 a space where your team feels comfortable coming to you and a 413 00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:50,700 space where you're not going to overreact. 414 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,900 I feel like so many teens are nervous to come to their 415 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:56,100 parents. Like on the be punished or 416 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,600 they're going to go crazy and they're not really going to 417 00:20:58,608 --> 00:21:01,500 listen to me. And I feel like so many parents 418 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:05,000 are actually guilty of this. I feel like they're so quick to 419 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,800 blame their teens and I think what they have to realize is 420 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,800 this is a learning process. This is an age where we do 421 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:15,800 things that were not necessarily the most proud of, you know, and 422 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,200 I think that allowing them to come to you is just a really, 423 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,700 really good idea. Yeah. 424 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,500 And I think treating like every little vulnerability that they 425 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,200 share with you whether it's I don't know, a teacher that they 426 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,300 don't like at school or stress. They're experiencing or they've 427 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:33,600 gone through a breakup treating that as if it's this big crisis 428 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,700 that they need a lot of validation and support on so 429 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:39,400 then they know exactly what to expect if they really need your 430 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,600 support the you know that you'll be validating, they'll know 431 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,600 that. You'll listen, you won't judge 432 00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:46,700 that you care about them that you'll give them advice if they 433 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,600 want it or they'll just be there to support you if that's what 434 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,600 you need. And yeah, so that your building 435 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,600 that relationship Up your building that foundation and the 436 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,600 teens. Not like, what would happen if I 437 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,700 shared an emotion with my parents because they've know 438 00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:02,700 what happened. It's just on a bigger scale. 439 00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:05,900 They really need that support. Yeah, yeah. 440 00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:07,500 I understand. Great that. 441 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,900 And then on the other end for teens that are writing in about 442 00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,900 parents, a lot of it is just dealing with overbearing 443 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,200 parents. Yeah, because parents, my mom is 444 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,500 as well, it's so common, it's so so common, especially now it's 445 00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:25,200 crazy. And for college, oh my God. 446 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,300 I yes, you can. It's it's insane. 447 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:32,900 But I think my strategy for that is to just set boundaries and be 448 00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:36,300 vocal about what you need from them. 449 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,900 And I think parents need to understand that this approach, 450 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,000 it's just not effective as they think there are things out 451 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,600 there. Kids need to do, but if you 452 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,800 control and micromanage every aspect of their lives, not only 453 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,400 will not help them be a successful applicant for 454 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,000 college. But also, Prepare them for Life. 455 00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,600 Another thing is Parents. Try to force their kids 456 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,400 sometimes to do certain activities and I think this is 457 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,100 really detrimental, because if the teen isn't actually 458 00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:08,900 passionate about whatever it is, it's not, I mean like the 459 00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:13,500 parents, having them, do it for college, reasons for the resume, 460 00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:16,500 but if they're not actually passionate about it, it's not 461 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,400 going to do much. And I feel like a lot of parents 462 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:22,700 won't they sort of dissuade their teens from doing things 463 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:26,200 that That are less mainstream but they should know that that 464 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,100 actually looks really good. So yeah, let your teen pursue 465 00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:32,900 their passion, it'll help them for college to help them for 466 00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:34,700 Life. Take a step back. 467 00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:38,600 And if just be there for support, don't don't try to 468 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,600 incriminate on every aspect of their life because sometimes it 469 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,300 can feel like that. Yeah. 470 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:47,200 And I think teens do get burnt out, that's very possible, even 471 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,400 though they're young the schedule that they're keeping up 472 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:53,000 with and the commitments, their balancing are really intense and 473 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:57,300 so, I think it's important to be mindful of that and your teen 474 00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,300 and as a teenager being mindful of those signs of like not being 475 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:02,800 interested in what you're doing feeling exhausted, feeling 476 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,100 overwhelmed, wishing you. Had a break from all these 477 00:24:05,100 --> 00:24:07,700 commitments, because it's a very real thing. 478 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:10,500 And it can be really detrimental to these bigger goals. 479 00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:13,400 That probably both you as a teen and your parents are pursuing 480 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,400 whether that's college or career or larger passions. 481 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,200 Yeah, exactly cool. Okay. 482 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:23,700 So, social media, another huge topic that everyone Wants to 483 00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:27,000 talk about because the data does show that social media is 484 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,200 detrimental to mental health, it decreases self-esteem. 485 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,500 It increases body image issues and we're spending more time on 486 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:36,200 it than ever before. What are the most common 487 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,000 concerns that teens are bringing up? 488 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,800 Is it social media addiction? Is it self esteem? 489 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,700 Is that confidence? Is it procrastination? 490 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:47,000 What are people worried about? Yeah, I I think that's all of 491 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,700 those. Some of the big ones are really 492 00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:53,100 addiction because, I mean, if you're on Tick Tock that are 493 00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:57,600 just Endless videos on your page and you could just get sucked 494 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,600 right in and those videos do not help when you're like, you've 495 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,600 been scrolling on Tick-Tock for a long time. 496 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,200 Want to take a break? Oh my God just strong. 497 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:07,000 I'm just like, no, I'm just going to scroll past. 498 00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:11,400 Yeah yeah. So so it can be so trapping and 499 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,700 sometimes I'll be like, you know, I'm gonna take a quick 500 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:16,800 break and be on Tick, Tock for a few minutes and then it'll be a 501 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,900 couple hours and I just don't know where that time. 502 00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:23,200 Lat Instagram, same thing on Instagram. 503 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:28,800 I've noticed a lot of comparison and body image and lifestyle 504 00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,400 comparison as well. And that really affects 505 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,600 self-esteem and confidence and I think that is really really 506 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,000 detrimental because what a lot of people are missing is that 507 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,900 you don't see any of the bad pictures. 508 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,600 Do you have any pictures people take to find the right? 509 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,800 Like how many pictures we didn't take when they're laying in bed 510 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,500 or procrastinate? Oh yeah, exactly. 511 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,800 Yeah. No One's Gonna pose. 512 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,500 I'm in bed doing homework. And I know they're going to post 513 00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:57,400 on there at a party or they're hanging out with friends doing 514 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,900 something cool or they're traveling and I think that 515 00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:02,700 jealousy factor is just really hurtful for a lot of people to 516 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:04,800 see. Yeah, I think another thing too 517 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,900 to add here is that the algorithm is really good. 518 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:10,100 It will listen to you. So if you decide to be 519 00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:13,200 intentional and decide to be a critical consumer with your 520 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,500 Instagram feed and you're like, I know these creators aren't 521 00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:19,200 supporting my mental health. I know that these friends, even 522 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,100 though I love them are making me have negative thoughts, you can 523 00:26:22,100 --> 00:26:25,200 mute people, you couldn't. Follow you can block and you can 524 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,600 start consuming more content that is good for your mental 525 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,700 health. And my favorite example of this 526 00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:33,700 is that my explore feed on Instagram, is all puppy videos 527 00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:38,300 and nail videos because those are what make me happy and it's 528 00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:40,700 what I go on Instagram to consume. 529 00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:44,000 Its loading, here are my copy and nail videos. 530 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,800 It's true. So you can make social media 531 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,500 place that does improve your mental health, even if it's just 532 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:54,400 sprinkling and nice quotes or videos, is that make you happy 533 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,700 or funny creators? I think it's very possible to 534 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,700 alter that consumer experience, but you have to decide to be 535 00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,100 intentional about that. And you have to be mindful about 536 00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:06,200 what? Emotions come up when you're 537 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,200 scrolling on Instagram or Tick, Tock, or these other platforms. 538 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,000 So I'm going to funny to adhere. I saw a tick tock a while ago 539 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,400 where it was like the most toxic social media platform without a 540 00:27:14,408 --> 00:27:17,700 doubt is LinkedIn. That is definitely true since 541 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:20,900 that's kind of bad. LinkedIn is terrible. 542 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:25,400 Yeah, I think that's A very underrated comment. 543 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,100 I think that just what people put on there is insane, 544 00:27:28,100 --> 00:27:31,700 especially for teens, I mean, with this culture, there are 545 00:27:31,708 --> 00:27:35,300 people in eighth grade with stacked resumes, on LinkedIn and 546 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:40,300 this is volunteered one-time, oversaw and curated just it's, 547 00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:42,800 it's insane. Yes, it really is, it's over the 548 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,900 top, there was this one kid that went to my school and he worked 549 00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:50,000 at Starbucks as a barista and he put in this LinkedIn he was like 550 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,100 I can't remember the exact language managing My partner 551 00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:57,800 overseeing customer relations and mentioned, and he just made 552 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,700 coffees and it was like, can we have to check back here because 553 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:04,700 this is not accurate? Yeah, I know it's mean people 554 00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:08,100 just put anything on there. I mean, they just spin whatever 555 00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:10,900 it is they did and especially with college applications. 556 00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:13,300 It makes you feel so insecure about yourself as well. 557 00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:16,500 Because, you know, you're showing these ways that you've 558 00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,100 invested your time and you're like, did I not invest my time, 559 00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:20,700 right? Did I not do enough? 560 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,800 Where did I go wrong? And then there's not Anything 561 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,400 you can do to change that. So what is your advice for 562 00:28:25,700 --> 00:28:28,700 teenagers that are in the college application process? 563 00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:32,600 Whether that's SATs act essay, writing touring schools? 564 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,100 I know you're in the thick of that right now. 565 00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:35,500 So I'd love to hear your thoughts. 566 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:37,900 Yes. So I'm going to my junior year 567 00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:41,100 of high school so I'm not gonna be picking my school's until 568 00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:44,800 about Midway through but I don't think you the school said I was 569 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,700 going to actually be applying to until right before I submitted 570 00:28:47,700 --> 00:28:49,500 my application. So I'm very impressed that 571 00:28:49,500 --> 00:28:52,200 that's your timeline. Yeah, I think that's what. 572 00:28:52,500 --> 00:28:55,100 My school wants us to start thinking about that, but I'm 573 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:58,100 definitely in the thick of college pressure. 574 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,500 It's very, very tangible my school. 575 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:04,700 It's extremely competitive and I think that I mean, it's 576 00:29:04,700 --> 00:29:08,300 competitive everywhere, honestly, but I definitely feel 577 00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:11,300 this in my advice is really just be the best applicant. 578 00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:15,700 You can be don't try to be the other people try to be the best 579 00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:19,700 version of you make yourself stand out and just instead of 580 00:29:19,700 --> 00:29:22,400 looking at whatever in else is doing just do. 581 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:26,600 What you like to do, go deep into that, do great things with 582 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,600 it and that's what's going to help you the most. 583 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,700 It's not going to help if you're like, oh, this person is taking 584 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000 this class and even though I'm not interested in the subject, I 585 00:29:35,008 --> 00:29:37,000 need to take the same class to compete. 586 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,100 It's just not going to help you. So I think a lot of parents are 587 00:29:40,100 --> 00:29:42,800 so caught up in the comparison. Don't worry about that. 588 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,200 Worry about making your kid the best applicant, they can be. 589 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,300 Yeah, and it's also so hard because when it comes down to 590 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,100 it, you are competing against your classmates. 591 00:29:52,700 --> 00:29:55,800 Your friends. Because if they're looking at 592 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,300 applicants from all around the country, even if there's 12 593 00:29:58,300 --> 00:30:01,000 qualified applicants from your school, they would never admit 594 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,800 12 students from one school and one town are going to choose one 595 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,700 or two. And so, it's very difficult to 596 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:09,500 wrap your mind around. It's really not something that 597 00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:12,000 you've probably experienced before, and there's so much 598 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,100 societal pressure associated with this. 599 00:30:14,100 --> 00:30:16,300 We're getting this messaging that you don't get into a good 600 00:30:16,300 --> 00:30:17,600 college. You're not going to get a good 601 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,900 job and then you won't be able to support a family and blah 602 00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:24,600 blah blah. There's this I think assumption 603 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,500 that all these teams are making, which is if you don't go to one 604 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,500 of those schools, you're not going to be successful. 605 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,800 It's such a terrible - especially. 606 00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:36,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because only like five people 607 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,200 from each school or going to those schools and roughly. 608 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,700 I don't know, maybe a little bit more, but it really depends on 609 00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:45,600 the year. Last year, super competitive 610 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:50,700 here, it was insane. But anyway, there's so many ways 611 00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:53,300 to be successful. And going to one of those 612 00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:55,700 schools helps, but it doesn't make you successful. 613 00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:58,800 You could go to one of those schools and not be a successful. 614 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,500 There is someone that's ranked last in the class at all of 615 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:04,000 these schools. Exactly. 616 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,200 And it's the amount of effort you put in at how passionate you 617 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,700 are about, the subjects that you're pursuing and and it's not 618 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:11,500 about the school. And I know it sucks to hear that 619 00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:14,300 because you're like, well, I want to go to this good school 620 00:31:14,300 --> 00:31:16,400 instead of this other school or whatever it is that you're 621 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,400 thinking, because that is again, what we're told. 622 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,000 But look up different individuals who went to smaller 623 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,500 schools who The, the recent lawyer that was on, Johnny 624 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:29,200 Depp's case Camila Vasquez, she didn't go to a crazy, big law 625 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,300 school, she did go to USC for undergrad. 626 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:35,000 I will say that but the schools that you go to the ones, you 627 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,800 decide to pursue aren't going to make or break it your future, 628 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,200 your career. What you decide to do. 629 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,600 Once you get to that school is really what's going to make a 630 00:31:43,608 --> 00:31:46,300 difference. If you are a parent or someone, 631 00:31:46,300 --> 00:31:48,600 that's friend of someone, that's going through this process, 632 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,800 don't ask them where they want to go to school. 633 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:53,800 I know it's really hard. I asked my sister all the time 634 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,000 and she's like I have no idea Sadie. 635 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,500 You want to know your nosy, but asking someone and Cecily, like 636 00:31:59,500 --> 00:32:00,400 where do you want to go to school? 637 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,300 What's your score? What's your reach school? 638 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,700 It just adds a lot of anxiety and it's very vulnerable like 639 00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,500 yes. You're applying and risking 640 00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:10,500 rejection from the school, but telling all these people and 641 00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:13,000 then knowing that you might not get in and they'll all know is 642 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,900 something that's really scary and it's completely the teens 643 00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:19,900 choice if they want to share those dream schools or not. 644 00:32:20,300 --> 00:32:24,600 Yeah. So I have Some friends that are 645 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,200 rising seniors right now and a lot of them are just like I'm 646 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,900 not going to talk about where I'm applying what I'm gonna do. 647 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,500 Yeah, I think that's a great idea because imagine if you're 648 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:37,300 like oh I really want to go to this school and then when the 649 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:39,600 decisions come out everyone's going to be asking about and it 650 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,200 can be really hurtful that's a rejection or a waitlist or mean, 651 00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:46,700 you know what, whatever it is? Yeah, referral whatever. 652 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,400 So yeah, I just feel like keeping it to yourself, it's 653 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,300 just a great strategy. I mean, maybe you tell one, or 654 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:57,300 Two close friends to have a support system but by no means 655 00:32:57,300 --> 00:32:59,700 is anyone's business to be super public about it. 656 00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:02,800 Yeah, 100%. And I did the opposite. 657 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,600 I definitely was pretty transparent about where I was 658 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,400 applying, and it was mostly because I just didn't think I 659 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,700 was going to get in my whole thing with the podcast is 660 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,200 vulnerability. And I talked about these 661 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,600 emotions and if I get rejected, I want to talk about what that 662 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,900 experience was like, and what worked, and what didn't? 663 00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:22,100 And I'm looking back and like, I think I manifested it, I spoke 664 00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:24,900 it into Existence, I'm like this is where I'm applying but I had 665 00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:28,400 so many friends that chose not to do that and it was a really 666 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,000 effective boundary to set for them and it allowed them to 667 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,600 process those emotions without getting 50 tax. 668 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,100 Being like did you get rejected? What's the decision? 669 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:38,700 What's happening? This person got in. 670 00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:41,500 Did you get in? Because it's just so exciti 671 00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:43,800 provoking. Yeah, yeah it really is. 672 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,800 And I think going back to us saying about social media and 673 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,100 comparison comparing the school's you got into are the 674 00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:51,900 scores, you got, are your grades. 675 00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:53,600 Are you actually? Eric regulars, it is so 676 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,600 detrimental. So just avoid doing it. 677 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,400 And the thing to remember is it's a toss-up, it really is. 678 00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:03,300 If you didn't get into your first choice school maybe last 679 00:34:03,300 --> 00:34:05,400 year, you would have maybe next year, you would have. 680 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,300 It really depends. Maybe your reader was having a 681 00:34:08,300 --> 00:34:11,500 bad day, you've no idea. There's so many things out of 682 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,199 your control that you really just shouldn't get caught up in 683 00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:17,100 it. And I've heard of so many people 684 00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:20,900 just their self-esteem being ruined by the decision, don't 685 00:34:20,900 --> 00:34:23,699 let it ruin you. Because again, there's so many 686 00:34:23,699 --> 00:34:27,199 things out of her control, it is crazy competitive, and you 687 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:30,100 shouldn't base, how you view yourself? 688 00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:34,199 How much confidence do you have? In yourself on a decision that 689 00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:35,699 you only have so much control over? 690 00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:38,400 Yeah. And like when you put it into 691 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,000 context, how they're building these classes, it's like what 692 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,300 percentage the admissions Lotsa already earmarked for athletes. 693 00:34:44,300 --> 00:34:47,400 And people that are recruited to fill up these teams. 694 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,699 And what percentage of people, I don't know our quadruple 695 00:34:50,699 --> 00:34:54,400 legacies or Things like that. So donated a building or 696 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:55,300 whatever. Exactly. 697 00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:58,400 And like, we all saw the cold College admission Scandal like 698 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,500 those slots were going to different people. 699 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:03,600 And then there's everyone in the entire country is applying and 700 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,900 there's this whole range of scores and different 701 00:35:05,900 --> 00:35:08,000 extracurriculars. And what if one person had a 702 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,000 crazy recommendation, all of these things are factors that 703 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,100 you can't control. And so even though you are 704 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:16,700 submitting this portfolio, that feels like everything that's 705 00:35:16,700 --> 00:35:18,700 good about you. And the best of the best parts 706 00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:22,200 of yourself, it's not a reflection of you and there's so 707 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,000 much More that goes into that decision. 708 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,200 Yeah, exactly. I think that's so important to 709 00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:29,100 remember in college, is honestly, one of the most 710 00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:33,800 stressful things that I've heard teams do it with 100% Fiat last 711 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,600 thing that I want to touch on. Before you wrap up is navigating 712 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:40,000 big emotions and life changes things like grief, like, we 713 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,800 touched on in the beginning, what are your tips for teens 714 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,200 navigating, those types of things from your experience and 715 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:46,900 then what you're hearing from your audience. 716 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,600 So, my advice for that, is I've gotten a lot of questions about 717 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,800 these heavier topics. And what I do for those is 718 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:58,200 obviously I mean I'm 16 I'm not super versed in what to do in 719 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,800 that situation. So I'll bring on Experts to talk 720 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,700 with them about these various topics. 721 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:07,300 I was getting a lot of questions on depression and suicide. 722 00:36:07,300 --> 00:36:10,300 So I had a conversation about that, I've had conversations 723 00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:15,600 about serious anxiety and those types of topics and I think that 724 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,300 the number one thing is to seek professional help. 725 00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:20,600 Yes. That's the number one thing. 726 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,800 It's past the data. Of. 727 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,300 Oh, you could talk to a friend about it. 728 00:36:24,300 --> 00:36:26,000 Maybe Practice A coping mechanism. 729 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,900 Go take a walk or go get your mind off it or listen to music 730 00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:30,500 or something. It's beyond that. 731 00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:33,400 So I think you really need to seek professional help from an 732 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,900 adult and forming your parents or a trusted all that's other 733 00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:40,300 than the help could also be really important as well. 734 00:36:40,700 --> 00:36:43,900 Yeah, I think one of the biggest takeaways from struggling with 735 00:36:43,900 --> 00:36:46,400 my mental health and supporting my friends that were struggling 736 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,400 with their mental health was to not go to each other because 737 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,200 just like you mentioned as a teen, you're not Meant to be 738 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:57,000 able to navigate these things. You haven't been educated for 12 739 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,400 years and had clinical experience on how to handle 740 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,900 depression, and grief, and anxiety, and all of these 741 00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,300 things. And so, there's no reason you 742 00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:07,900 should be expected to handle those alone and advise someone 743 00:37:07,900 --> 00:37:10,500 on how to navigate those. And yeah, it's just not 744 00:37:10,500 --> 00:37:12,100 something that team should be equipped with. 745 00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:15,900 And I know it's instinct to go to your friends, but the burden 746 00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:19,200 that you are putting on them. If you're not going to anyone 747 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:20,600 else. It's totally fine to tell your 748 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,000 friends. I'm struggling with this. 749 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,800 I just I want you to know that you're a big support for me and 750 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,400 I appreciate that. But only going to one of your 751 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,600 friends and only using them as your main support system is 752 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,400 something that both of you will become overwhelmed and burnt out 753 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,000 by pretty quickly. And so going to a trusted adult 754 00:37:36,008 --> 00:37:38,500 whether that's like a school, counselor, teacher that you 755 00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:41,600 trust, parent? A family friend, a therapist 756 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,500 psychiatrist pediatrician. All of these people are great 757 00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:48,000 resources and they'll point you in the direction of other people 758 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,900 that are trained to support you and know exactly what to do to 759 00:37:50,900 --> 00:37:53,900 help you feel better. Oh, better and feel seen and 760 00:37:53,900 --> 00:37:57,800 validated and less overwhelmed, and like, things are out of your 761 00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,500 control. Yeah, exactly. 762 00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:04,600 I mean, I think that the emotional burden is just so 763 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,000 important to remember is separating yourself from your 764 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,800 friend, saying, someone professional is just really 765 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,100 important to do. Yeah. 766 00:38:11,100 --> 00:38:14,300 And it's again, to emphasize, it's not that you are a burden. 767 00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:17,800 It's that these things are really big and overwhelming and 768 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,000 know, teens should be expected to deal with them. 769 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,500 Yeah. Like it's not you, it's just It. 770 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:26,100 There are reasons that people go to school for decades, to be 771 00:38:26,100 --> 00:38:28,100 able to specialize in these things. 772 00:38:28,100 --> 00:38:32,000 There are reasons that there are hundreds of studies figuring out 773 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,200 how to best treat these things and how to best support people 774 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,700 and what resources resonate and what don't. 775 00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:41,600 And so, it's important to ask the adults in your community. 776 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,600 What are those resources? What can I do? 777 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,400 Because you're not expected to know those things and they'll be 778 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,500 able to utilize their wealth of knowledge, they'll be able to 779 00:38:49,500 --> 00:38:53,300 have other people involved. And so A game changer and I 780 00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:57,900 highly recommend well, where can people continue to listen to 781 00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:59,900 your talk? Was that conversations continue 782 00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:03,100 to consume your content and submit questions if they want to 783 00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:07,200 sure. So the Instagram is talk with 784 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:10,100 Zach that's my username you can find it there and then my 785 00:39:10,100 --> 00:39:13,600 website is Taco. Zach dot org and you could 786 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,000 submit questions there and fly to become an ambassador. 787 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,800 There reach out for media opportunities and just check out 788 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,700 more of what Taco Zack is. So visit both of those again, 789 00:39:24,700 --> 00:39:27,000 talk was that kind of scram a talk with dr. 790 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,300 Org is the website, awesome. Those will be linked in today's 791 00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:33,000 show notes so that people can find those easily. 792 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,300 Thank you so much for joining me. 793 00:39:34,300 --> 00:39:37,500 I'm so glad we got to do this and cover so many topics that 794 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:39,400 are front of mind for so many teens. 795 00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:41,900 Yeah, thanks for having me. I think we had a great 796 00:39:41,900 --> 00:39:44,600 conversation was great. Yeah, thank you so much for 797 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,900 listening to this week's episode of she persisted. 798 00:39:46,900 --> 00:39:49,300 If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family 799 00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:51,400 member. It really helps out the podcast. 800 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,600 And if you haven't Already leave a review on Apple podcast or 801 00:39:54,607 --> 00:39:56,700 Spotify. You can also make sure to follow 802 00:39:56,700 --> 00:40:00,000 along at at she persisted podcast on both Instagram and 803 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,100 Tick-Tock and check out all the bonus resources content and 804 00:40:03,100 --> 00:40:06,500 information on my website. She persisted podcast.com, 805 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,600 thanks for supporting, keep persisting and I'll see you next 806 00:40:09,600 --> 00:39:54,000 week. Already leave a review on Apple 807 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,700 podcast or Spotify. You can also make sure to follow 808 00:39:56,700 --> 00:40:00,000 along at at she persisted podcast on both Instagram and 809 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,100 Tick-Tock and check out all the bonus resources content and 810 00:40:03,100 --> 00:40:06,500 information on my website. She persisted podcast.com, 811 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,600 thanks for supporting, keep persisting and I'll see you next 812 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:10,000 week.