Happy Monday and welcome to your mental health mini.
This is also your mini reminder to vote if you're listening to
this on Election Day. This week's guest is Sammy
Halverson, and we are talking self-confidence.
A lot of times I'll ask girls, I'm like, tell me just five
things that you love about yourself.
And they're kind of like, is that allowed?
And I'm like, how do you not know what you love about
yourself? And it's almost like our brains
are trained to think that if we love something about ourselves,
then we're going to be arrogant or we're going to be conceded,
or we're going to think that we're better than other people.
So actually what self-confidence is, is the ability to be
vulnerable and open up yourself to negative emotion.
Say I'm trying to make some friends, all right?
And I am self confident. That means I'm going to go up to
somebody and I'm going to say hi.
And I am going to let it be awkward, as awkward as possible,
right? And that's what self confident
people do is they allow themselves the awkwardness.
And even now when I meet somebody, I'm like, Oh yeah,
this is awkward. It's it's just awkward.
Awkwardness is going to be there.
And self confident people, they let it be there.
They let themselves be open to being judged and they let
themselves be vulnerable and they let themselves be laughed
at. And when we're not self
confident, we run away from being laughed at.
We run away from the awkward conversations.
We run away away from being judged, we run away from being
embarrassed. And so it's not that self
confident people don't feel any of those negative emotions, but
they allow themselves to feel those negative emotions and they
open themselves up to it. So anytime we wanna make
friends, it's gonna be awkward. We're going to be judged, People
are going to look at us and we allow ourselves that.
Anytime that we get up in front of people and we talk, we are
allowing ourselves to be judged and we're going to feel
embarrassed. People are going to make
comments about us. And the self confident people,
they embrace that and they know that.
That's part of it. Anything worth having, you have
to go through negative emotion to get it.
And if that's how it is, the self-confidence, like you have
to put in the work to go through all the negative emotion to get
yourself confidence. And I think it just, it builds
on itself. You know, the more and more
awkward conversations you have, the better you get having
awkward conversations. And that's eventually where
yourself confidence comes from, right?
The more people that laugh about you, about the way that you
look, and the more you embrace it and you let yourself be
vulnerable, it's like, yeah, that's how you gain yourself
confidence by going through all those negative emotions.
I do so much coaching on girls who are always worried about
saying the wrong thing or just like overanalyzing and
overthinking everything that they say to a friend or text.
Whereas if you, if you truly loved yourself and you had
really great opinions of yourself, like I'm not expected
to be perfect. I'm not going to be perfect,
right? Then we allow ourselves to make
mistakes and have grace with ourselves and love ourselves
instead of like beating ourselves up.
If we constantly have the thought I'm not good enough,
then we are going to feel unworthy or depressed or sad.
And then when we feel sad or unworthy or depressed and all
those kind of emotions because we're thinking I'm not good
enough, then we take actions from that place, which are when
we're, when we're sad and depressed.
What do we do? We avoid and we distract
ourselves from living our lives. And we scroll on our phones and
we look at all the ways in which we are not good enough.
Our brain is really, really good at gathering all the evidence to
support what we're believing. And so when we stay in our bed
and we don't live our lives, like our result is that we we
don't get out there and we don't expose ourselves to the world
and we don't enjoy being who we are, which is such a gift.
And people around us don't get to enjoy us either.
And so I just think that when we train our brains to think I'm
not good enough, or nobody likes me, or nobody wants to be my
friend, or nobody cares about me, we actually end up causing
our own result in that sort of way where nobody has a chance to
get to know you, nobody has a chance to love on you because
they don't ever see you, or nobody talks to because you're
not around. So if we can change the way that
we think about ourselves and view our worth and view our
value, then we can ultimately change our result, which is
enjoying who we are and being the best version of ourselves
and letting the world get to know us and letting the world
get to know of our goodness. I just feel like there's so many
amazing things about everybody on this earth and we're all so
different and we all have so much to offer that if we can
believe that the world wants what we have to offer, the world
will embrace us. If you enjoyed this week's
mental health mini, you can listen to the full episode.
It is episode 86 featuring Sammy Halverson, the host of the Teen
Life Coach podcast. A link to the full episode is in
the show notes. As always, make sure to leave a
review, subscribe, share with a friend or family member, and
follow it at She Persisted Podcast.
Thanks for listening.