1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,100 Welcome to she persisted I'm your host Sadie Saxton a 19 year 2 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:07,100 old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:10,400 Pennsylvania. She persisted is the Teen Mental 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,800 Health podcast made for teenagers by a team in each 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,400 episode. I'll bring you authentic 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,300 accessible and relatable conversations about every aspect 7 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:21,600 of mental Wellness. You can expect evidence-based, 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,100 Tina, proof resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT, 9 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,300 insights and education. In each piece of content, you 10 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:31,600 consume, she persisted Offers you a safe space to feel 11 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,700 validated and understood in your struggle. 12 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,400 While encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,900 build your life worth living. So let's dive in this week on 14 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:44,500 she persisted I feel like we've just become this society. 15 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,100 That doesn't really want to tell people how we feel about the 16 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:51,600 relationship that we are in with them that their purpose. 17 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,400 If you are seeing that therapist, that is a therapeutic 18 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,100 relationship. It requires work from you and 19 00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:02,000 also the therapist so if you're like any Thing is not working. 20 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:06,600 Talk about therapy in therapy. Hello, hello. 21 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,700 And welcome back to she persisted, we are talking about 22 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,500 therapy again. And today, we are getting a 23 00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:15,100 therapist perspective on a lot of frequently asked questions 24 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:19,200 that I get asked or that I had when I was navigating therapy, 25 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:22,900 today's guest is Sean e-tron, she's an author, a therapist. 26 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:25,600 She also has an amazing Tick-Tock present. 27 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:29,100 So you should definitely check out her videos and follow her. 28 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:32,900 We talked all about Anxiety and discomfort that can come from 29 00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:35,500 asking for help meeting with a new therapist switching. 30 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:38,400 The therapist that you're working with all of these things 31 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,600 that you might have anxiety or concerns about my goal is that 32 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,600 you listen to this episode. You feel a lot more comfortable 33 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,500 and confident going into your therapy Journey or continuing 34 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,900 your therapy journey and getting support. 35 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:53,200 We also talked about the very important and sometimes 36 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,700 challenging process of finding the right therapist for you. 37 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:59,000 Making sure that you have a good fit with your therapist that 38 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,800 that relationship is in. A good spot. 39 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:04,400 And if you want to know more about all these topics, she has 40 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,400 a book called dope therapy, which you should check out and I 41 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,100 will link in the show notes. We're just goes into way more 42 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:12,500 depth on all of these things. She just has such an amazing 43 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,100 perspective. I cannot wait for you guys to 44 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,900 hear this conversation. And as always, make sure to 45 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:22,100 follow, subscribe, leave review. If you haven't follow on social 46 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:26,000 media at actually persisted podcast, and let's dive in. 47 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,800 Thank you so much for joining me today, Shawnee, I'm so excited 48 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,600 to have you on the podcast. And yeah, I just can't wait to 49 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,400 dive into this conversation. Yes, thank you so much for 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,900 having me. I love talking mental health, so 51 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,400 let's get it. Let's do it. 52 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,500 Awesome, would love to start with a little bit of your 53 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,800 background, how you started working in the mental health 54 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,200 field and what brought you to where you are today. 55 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,700 So what started me in the mental health field, I feel as if 56 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,500 that's such a loaded question because there's so many 57 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,900 different narratives that I have that sort of play like a role 58 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,000 but essentially where it, mainly started is iPhone. 59 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,700 Love with psychology in high school. 60 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,300 And then, when I was in undergrad, my first major was 61 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:10,400 actually theater and I had this Revelation one day. 62 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,300 I don't know where it came from, and I was just like, I don't 63 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:16,900 want to be auditioning for a job, like, for the rest of my 64 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:21,500 life, and I was like, I think I can always come back to theater. 65 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,200 And so I ended up changing my major to psychology and I got my 66 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:30,000 first job in working with children. 67 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:36,000 Were autistic and from there it just sort of like became my 68 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,300 thing to make sure I had a lot of experience in different 69 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,300 areas. So from there, when I graduated 70 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,900 from undergrad, I got my first job working in a jail, then I 71 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:49,400 decided to get my Master's. I've done they treatment with 72 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,200 teens. I've worked in the home with 73 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,000 parents and teens, Private Practice. 74 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,900 I've worked on the insurance side, but ultimately where I am 75 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:02,700 today, I have always had a love Love of theater and so Tick Tock 76 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,700 came along and I started creating skits to help people 77 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:10,500 navigate therapy and I guess you could say Tick-Tock loved it. 78 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:14,800 And that's where we are today with what I mainly do. 79 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:19,300 I love it were there any common threads that you noticed from 80 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,700 all of these different therapeutic settings that you 81 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:25,000 think would be helpful to share like all of these people are 82 00:04:25,008 --> 00:04:27,600 experiencing similar emotions. Are there similar? 83 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:32,300 Fears or Is that people are experiencing that don't 84 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:35,600 discriminate across these different settings, you know, I 85 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:40,100 think more than anything. I really just wanted to connect 86 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:45,200 with people on a human level. I think about my own sort of 87 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,200 narrative when it starts in undergrad, I think in your sort 88 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,500 of thrown into this huge social environment, can we be honest 89 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,900 for a second with like no legit life skills. 90 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,900 And when I say life skills, I mean like men. 91 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,300 Aging money. I mean my first semester I ran 92 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,000 out of money on my what do you call it? 93 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,300 Your meal plan and then it was like, how do I even know? 94 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,700 What do I do? How do I eat after this? 95 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:15,700 And so for me it was I grew up with very strict parents and so 96 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:19,600 I was struggling with drinking and really just finding myself 97 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:24,100 and so I went to see a therapist and I didn't really feel seen as 98 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:27,300 a person and so when I was working through all of these 99 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:31,900 jobs, I really wanted to make sure that See, the person, 100 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:35,900 regardless of, like, they are diagnosed with autism, 101 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:39,900 depression, anxiety, if their teen in the system, I really 102 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:44,600 just wanted to connect with the human behind all of that. 103 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:49,200 So, essentially, I found that in listening and truly listening to 104 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,500 people. I found sort of my specialty as 105 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,800 far as connecting and helping people find like, what is it 106 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,800 that you really feel you want from life that is going to bring 107 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,500 you? You Joy that will create 108 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,600 happiness. I love that, but you touched on 109 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,700 therapy, and that's what we're going to talk about foremost 110 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,500 this episode. I want to start by talking about 111 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,900 before therapy when. Yeah. 112 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,700 You think it might be helpful. I've done a lot of episodes 113 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,700 talking about. Okay. 114 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,100 How do I know if this is maybe a step? 115 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,300 I should take, how do I know if his if things maybe aren't going 116 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:23,000 as well? As I think they are, but I 117 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,200 really want to touch on all of the stigma and anxiety and 118 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,700 apprehension. That is associated with 119 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,300 beginning. Her therapy Journey, And I 120 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,200 think, even for myself, starting, any therapy session 121 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,500 with a new therapist is really scary. 122 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,100 So I'd love to kind of talk their first giving your tips 123 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:42,000 about what to do those emotions come up and then kind of your 124 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,900 perspective on why you think that is something that so many 125 00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,600 people experience, whether it's like a society thing or it's 126 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:52,000 just being so vulnerable, Etc. So if listeners are like, I am 127 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,100 so scared to start therapy, but I feel like this is a good step. 128 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,600 What is your advice there? So, it is scary. 129 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,400 And I want to normalize Is it because if you think about it, 130 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,700 when we sort of meet someone for the very first time, it's more 131 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,200 so sort of that surface level conversation. 132 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,400 Hi, how are you? Are you in school? 133 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,600 What do you do for work? But when you go see a therapist, 134 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,400 it's like, tell me. What are your vulnerabilities? 135 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,500 And what are your weaknesses? What are you struggling with? 136 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,300 What do you cry about at night? Tell me yes, complete, stranger 137 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:26,100 that you don't know. So that's like I don't know if I 138 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:28,000 trust you. I think that was really the 139 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:33,000 biggest thing that Fear comes from when it comes to going to 140 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,500 therapy as I don't know if I trust that coming into this room 141 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,100 that therapist will create a safe place for what I need. 142 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,000 That's like one piece of it and I think another piece of it 143 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,700 comes from what is their pee even like especially for people 144 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:51,800 that may have never gone or if they have gone and they sort of 145 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:56,100 had this like experience that team to therapy for them so that 146 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:59,000 can also add to fear on different levels as well. 147 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,900 So what I always say, Say is just what is it that you want 148 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:08,400 from the experience and recognizing that you know 149 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,200 yourself so you may know. Okay. 150 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,300 I don't know what I mean, but I know that things are often my 151 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:17,600 life right now and I like to say off because I don't want to sort 152 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,000 of encourage self diagnosing and so it may be like, I'm just not 153 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,700 focusing. I feel sad all the time. 154 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,300 I want to hang out with my friends, but I don't really text 155 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,600 them back. Like, what's going on? 156 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:33,000 So you recognize something Off. And then, what have you 157 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,900 recognize? Maybe and the past for yourself, 158 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,700 that was helpful. Was that okay, A friend that 159 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:44,100 really listen to me? Was it someone that offered you 160 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:44,700 feedback? Was it? 161 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,400 Someone that made you laugh? And so, if you can sort of pick 162 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,200 out those little things, when you go to read a therapist is 163 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,200 profile. Look for some of those same 164 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,200 feelings. That may be evoked when you're 165 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,600 reading through the profile. People may read a profile that 166 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:04,000 says I use CBT or Or I use DDT, and for someone that knows what 167 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,700 those terms mean. So cognitive behavioral therapy, 168 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,500 or dialectical behavioral therapy? 169 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,700 May be like, yes, I know, that's what I need, but someone that is 170 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,600 like, I don't know what that is made. 171 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,800 Then want to read profiles that seem like I meet you, where 172 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,100 you're at, one of the things that I do when I work with my 173 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,400 clients is I listen to them. We collaborate together that may 174 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,100 be like, okay, that's what I'm looking for. 175 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:28,400 So you kind of start with what may have been helpful in the 176 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,700 past to be able to See if you can recognize that in a 177 00:09:31,708 --> 00:09:34,600 therapist is profile when you're reading through it. 178 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,300 That's such a great tip. And I think depending on the 179 00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:40,800 website, they also sometimes will say like, oh I have a 180 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,300 background in family systems or selfish. 181 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:48,000 Yes or disordered eating stress sleep there. 182 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,500 Yeah. Specialize in all of these 183 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,600 different things. So if you kind of know going 184 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,800 into it like this is what I'm really worried about. 185 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,700 This is what I want to focus on first. 186 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:59,100 You can totally find a therapist that specializes in that area 187 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,900 has a lot of Perience. And you can just hit the ground 188 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,900 running and get a lot of great tips and advice and support from 189 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,100 the get-go. Yes. 190 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:10,200 And I want to add something to be mindful of is if you go to a 191 00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:13,200 therapist is profile. However and they're like, I do 192 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,500 cbt-i Duty BTW, I have everything, I work with stress 193 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,300 for me as a therapist that's a red flag because you have all 194 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:23,800 these skill sets and all these different areas that to me is 195 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,900 like, what is it that you're good at as a therapist. 196 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,000 So if you read them profiles and it's just this long Unless I'm 197 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,500 always like, I feel like checked every single box on the website, 198 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,900 you're doing too much, you're doing too much. 199 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,200 So you work with everybody, huh? Yeah, another really good thing 200 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,500 there is that the age demographic, they're like, I 201 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,800 work with adults and little children and teenagers, those 202 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,200 are really really different types of therapy. 203 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,800 So look for adolescent or a teenage therapist that works 204 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,100 with Ben Folds caseload of other teens and they're like okay so 205 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,300 the SAT season how are you feeling about that or like my 206 00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,800 clients are complaining about college? 207 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,700 Maps. What is going on there? 208 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:05,500 That can be really effective to be aware of during the therapy 209 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,600 search. Oh, definitely. 210 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,200 If he's sort of come across a therapist that says they work 211 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,900 with trauma. A great question to ask. 212 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:16,300 Maybe, okay, so you say, your trauma train and you work. 213 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,500 With all of these demographics, I want to know, how do you help 214 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:25,200 me say a first-generation immigrant, who is 19, who is 215 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,200 struggling with trauma? How would you help me? 216 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,300 That may be helpful to also, sort of, like, we Through that 217 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,400 process 100%. What are your thoughts on? 218 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:37,600 Why these emotions are so Universal with starting therapy 219 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,900 like that apprehension? Obviously you touched on its 220 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,700 really vulnerable to go in and meet something new. 221 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:46,200 Do you think there is like still stigma that were experiencing 222 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,600 and Society? Or do you see it more as like 223 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,300 the individual emotional block, and having this new experience, 224 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,900 I feel like it's getting better these days because we're now 225 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:02,600 having the conversation. Ends from, you know, within our 226 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:07,200 immediate support groups to schools to corporations really 227 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,400 just like not just having the conversation but also bringing 228 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,400 in the experts to navigate the conversation. 229 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,800 And so, the reason why it is a huge stigma is because it's 230 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,000 passed down through like narrative if you think about it. 231 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,500 So, what did your parents parents say about therapy? 232 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,600 And then hear about therapy, you know? 233 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,300 So, I sort of think about my parents. 234 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,900 He wasn't something that was an option or talked about in our 235 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:36,200 communities. Be like, oh you're struggling in 236 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,300 your marriage, you should go talk to someone. 237 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,500 No, that's not. What was told. 238 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,400 And so if that's not what they're told, how would they 239 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,400 know to tell me any different? So I learned about mental health 240 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,500 in school, that's where I really learned about how to navigate 241 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,600 it, what does it look like to go? 242 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,700 How do you advocate for yourself? 243 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,800 And even today as a therapist I'm still learning and through. 244 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:03,100 My learning educating people that's something that I really 245 00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:07,000 like about gen C. And the newer Generations is I 246 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,700 feel from my own experience and I've heard this a lot and these 247 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,900 mental health conversations is that teens really pull their 248 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,900 beliefs about mental health and therapy from their peers. 249 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,300 So I noticed that there's kind of that separation from what 250 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,600 their parents are believing that they're like my friends are in 251 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,400 therapy. I want to be in therapy too. 252 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,100 Yeah, or like, this is what I'm experiencing with my mental 253 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,200 health, and this is what my friends are talking about at 254 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,400 school and I believe that. And so I think It's something 255 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:36,500 really amazing to have that kind of sense of self advocacy and to 256 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:41,000 kind of collectively make that shift and ask for help when you 257 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,100 need it. And being able to advocate for 258 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,800 that. I think that's something that's 259 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,200 really cool to see. Yeah. 260 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,800 And I think it's really beautiful to see to. 261 00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:54,700 Yeah, because you feel less alone in the experience. 262 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:59,100 I think it's one thing to be experiencing say anxiety. 263 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,700 But it's another thing to experience. 264 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:07,800 It'll love ya too to really feel like someone can truly get where 265 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,600 you're coming from and validate it. 266 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,700 Like they may not understand it. So let's say if you have a 267 00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:14,800 friend that's never had anxiety, but when you talk to that 268 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:19,000 friend, you really feel like they hear you and they validate 269 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,400 you that there's something so special about that versus 270 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,600 talking to someone. They're like yeah. 271 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:27,000 So just get out of bed. Just take a deep breath. 272 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,500 You cost us breath and it's like Doesn't really work like that. 273 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,300 Yeah, I think that's something that's also added to the 274 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,500 equation. Is that teens today are 275 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,200 experiencing more mental health challenges than we ever have 276 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:43,800 before and more stress and are operating at a different level. 277 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,700 So even if you have an experienced anxiety, you've 278 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:50,000 probably experienced dresses some point or some apprehension 279 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,400 or fear. So there's a lot more 280 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,300 relatability amongst the population because so many 281 00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:59,800 people have either experienced something themselves or have a 282 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,600 Very close friend or family member or peer. 283 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,700 That has oh my gosh. I really hope that parents here. 284 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,100 That I want parents to hear about so much because I feel 285 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:14,200 like sometimes, especially when I've been working with teens and 286 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,000 parents in the past. You can sort of hear those. 287 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,300 What do you have to be stressed about? 288 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,000 Stressed, can look different for everyone like okay. 289 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,500 Yes, the parent may be stressed about bills or taking care of 290 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,900 the home, but that doesn't mean that a team can't be stressed 291 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:31,800 about their exam. Their homework or you know, 292 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:36,000 their friends, their body changing, they do have stress. 293 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,900 And I mean I even think about teens today when I was in high 294 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:43,300 school I didn't have to worry about school shootings. 295 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,500 Yeah teens today. Do my dreams were like fire 296 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:48,900 drills. And the one where you get under 297 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,700 the desk. Earthquake drill, stop great. 298 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:57,200 Yeah, stop drop and roll. Yeah, don't do that with Quake 299 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,900 guys. We really thought stop drop and 300 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,100 roll is Gonna Save her life. I've never had to do stop 301 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:04,500 drawing literally, I've never seen it happen, like that would 302 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,400 not be something that would come to mind if there is a fire like, 303 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,300 No. And so I think about sort of 304 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:13,200 even just navigating that where they do active, you know, 305 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,500 shooter drills. And it's a reminder right that 306 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,500 this can happen. So you're maybe going through 307 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:21,400 the school year, you know? And then it's like oh it's that 308 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:26,100 time of the year so stress can look different for everyone and 309 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,300 it doesn't matter. The age even two-year-olds can 310 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,700 be stressed out because they're not getting along. 311 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:31,300 We pop. Yeah. 312 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:35,300 I think that sort of belittle someone stress just because 313 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,100 they're not in a dull, is it's unfair. 314 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,600 Yeah. We also have to remember that 315 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,600 teens brains aren't fully developed. 316 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,100 So even if you're like, well, I wouldn't be stressed about that 317 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,500 the way their brain works. There are more emotional, 318 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,900 they're less able to ration through things and logic through 319 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,900 things. So even though you're like, oh 320 00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:53,600 well, if you're a little bit older, you want to be stressed 321 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,200 about this? Well, they are right now, so 322 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,200 that's not going to help them and adults act, like we've never 323 00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,700 been teams before. Yeah. 324 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,400 Yes, yes. Like, if you can just stop and 325 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,400 remember what it was like being a teen, I think that'll just 326 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,599 change your whole perspective. This one of the best things 327 00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:11,099 about having a Teen Mental Health podcast is, I have so 328 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:13,500 many adults on the show because they can offer so much insight 329 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,300 and expertise that Tia maybe haven't fully gotten in their 330 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,099 life, but can benefit a lot from hearing. 331 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,900 But every single time I do these pitch emails and get on these 332 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,500 shows. Everyone's like, you know, my 333 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,099 teenage years are so rough. I'm so glad that I'm able to 334 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:26,500 maybe help someone else through this. 335 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,400 Everyone is that Universal experience of being a teen was 336 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,600 really Hard, no matter where they're at now, no matter how 337 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,200 great things are. Not our how quick they are 338 00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:37,000 designing their challenges. It's really a universal 339 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,300 experience. Yes. 340 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,900 And the last thing I'll add to those, I sort of think of adults 341 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,700 that were like, oh gosh. No, I'd never do high school 342 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:47,200 over and I'm like so, you never do high school over but in the 343 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,200 same sentence you almost say like, teens have no stress. 344 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,600 Hmm. Let's think about that. 345 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:56,300 Yeah, exactly. Today's episode is brought to 346 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,900 you by teen counseling. You guys know, I can't have a 347 00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:02,000 therapist on the podcast without bringing up teen counseling 348 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,100 because it's such an amazing resource. 349 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,200 If you listen to this episode and you're like, okay, I'm 350 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,900 feeling less anxious. I definitely want to get 351 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:10,500 support. I feel like I know what to look 352 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,000 for in a therapist, but you're also not totally sure where to 353 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,900 start. Where do I find a therapist? 354 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,400 Teen counseling can be an amazing way to find a therapist 355 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,700 that fits your needs. If you aren't familiar with teen 356 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,200 counseling, it is better. Helps Branch specifically for 357 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:28,000 teenagers, they have over 14,000 licensed therapist within their 358 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,700 online Network and offer support on that. 359 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,600 Like, depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and so 360 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,800 much more. They offer text talk and video 361 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,500 counseling all from your home. So depending on what level of 362 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:41,500 support you're looking for, they can meet you where you're at. 363 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,700 So if you are interested in checking it out, you can go to 364 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:46,400 teen counseling.com. So she persisted again. 365 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,500 That is teen counseling.com says, she persisted to find a 366 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:54,400 therapist that meets your needs. So the other side of the 367 00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,700 spectrum, we talked about getting into therapy. 368 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,700 We talked about navigating those initial anxiety. 369 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,800 Is I kind of want to go, then the complete other direction and 370 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,900 talk about what you do. When you feel like maybe therapy 371 00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,200 isn't working and you're like, I feel like I need to try 372 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,800 something different. I'm not feeling better. 373 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,200 I'm not seeing chefs, you do it that. 374 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,700 But what are the things that you would want someone to look for 375 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,700 other than like this is just so difficult. 376 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:20,000 I just want to quit. Obviously, that's yeah, one 377 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,400 perspective but there is the concept of maybe this isn't the 378 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,000 right match of a therapist and so it's very possible to be in 379 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,700 therapy and be like maybe this isn't the best fit that is yes. 380 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,700 Central outcome. So what's your advice there? 381 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,200 What to look for and then how to proceed? 382 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,500 Yes. So I want to first like thank 383 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,900 you for asking that question because even though I'm a 384 00:19:40,908 --> 00:19:46,300 therapist, I I don't necessarily believe that therapy is the only 385 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:50,300 way to go about seeking help because we also have to remember 386 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:53,400 that therapy is an accessible for everyone if that 387 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,800 socioeconomic status, or if you're a part of a community 388 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:01,300 such as like lgbtq+ or A bipod community and you can't find a 389 00:20:01,308 --> 00:20:03,100 therapist that looks like you will relate to you. 390 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,300 So I think about all of those factors and so if you find that 391 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:11,200 therapy isn't working, it may be helpful to sort of identify why 392 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,900 you feel. It's not working is that because 393 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,600 you feel your symptoms are getting worse and that could be 394 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,700 symptoms or things like, you know, you're not sleeping your 395 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:24,900 appetite, your energy. Is it that you feel like you go 396 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:28,500 every time and you sort of walk away or like, I just don't feel 397 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:33,000 better because Can identify the cause that helps you to be able 398 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,800 to figure out. Okay, so what do I do next? 399 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,600 So one of the things, maybe the therapist might not be a good 400 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,800 fit, it could be for several reasons. 401 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:46,200 That therapist may not be a good fit, maybe it's their style. 402 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:49,900 Maybe the techniques that they're using aren't helpful for 403 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,500 what it is that you're experiencing. 404 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,300 Maybe they don't have experience in the area or concern that 405 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,400 you're bringing into the sessions. 406 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:01,400 So all of those viable options, the The thing is, sometimes 407 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,600 people aren't ready for therapy and I think that's valid. 408 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,100 It takes a lot emotionally and I think a lot of people sort of 409 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,600 see therapy as I'm going in one hour. 410 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:15,300 We boom, that's the work. Oh no, no, I'm so sorry. 411 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,800 Yeah. It's outside of the session that 412 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,800 one hour Did you sort of like, put it down, let's say you're 413 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,200 awake like 16 hours out of the day, right? 414 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,900 That's one hour. And that's just one day that you 415 00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:29,400 see a therapist. And most of the time you sort of 416 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,900 like, Processing. The action steps takes place 417 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:37,200 outside the session because most of the time we want behavioral 418 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,300 changes in order to get behavioral changes. 419 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,400 We have to actually put that into action and sometimes people 420 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,300 may not be ready, a great example might be I don't like 421 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:50,200 the way that my mom talks to me every time I go home from 422 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,100 college, right? So then you made talk to your 423 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,200 therapist and they may be like okay so let's set some 424 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,800 boundaries you may not be ready to implement the boundary with A 425 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,400 mother. So then yes, you continue to 426 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,300 talk about it, but the necessary step is going to be taking 427 00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:07,900 action. So at that time you may say, 428 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:11,000 like, okay, great I've sort of come to the point where I feel 429 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,800 comfortable, I'd recognize that boundaries are needed. 430 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,200 I'm just not ready to take that step. 431 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,300 But also remembering that it's important to surround yourself 432 00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:23,000 with community and support, so that maybe other friends, or 433 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,900 another adult that you can talk to and one of the other things. 434 00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:29,200 Yep, I'm going to say it. I know people. 435 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:34,100 I'm going to say it journaling. It's so important because it 436 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:38,100 gives your thoughts a place to go and if you're working on 437 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:42,800 yourself being able to look back and reflect and see where you 438 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,200 were, let's just say a month ago and where you are today can 439 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,800 really help you with like oh I've been writing about the same 440 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,300 thing for the last month. Nothing has really changed. 441 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:55,400 Okay. Where do I see improvements in 442 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,200 my life that I can sort of like switch around a little bit? 443 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,300 Yeah, I also Love what you said about not necessarily being 444 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:06,100 ready for therapy because I feel like that's something a lot of 445 00:23:06,108 --> 00:23:08,400 teens experience. If they aren't necessarily the 446 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,400 ones spearheading this journey. If you're listening to this 447 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,800 podcast because you're like my parents are making me be in 448 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,000 therapy, I don't know what to do about it. 449 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,200 I'm just looking to either speed this long, whatever it is, but 450 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,800 especially in being a teen, that something that's really unique 451 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,200 That You Don't See in a lot of other demographics, whether it's 452 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,200 adult struggling with all these different things, if they're in 453 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,200 therapy, a lot of the times it's because Has they're the ones 454 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,800 that have advocated for that as a teen there is a high 455 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,600 likelihood that maybe you weren't the one that made this 456 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,800 decision whether it's because they're a teacher parent, or a 457 00:23:40,808 --> 00:23:44,700 doctor. So it takes time to kind of not 458 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:48,100 only warm up to the idea of being in therapy but develop 459 00:23:48,100 --> 00:23:51,300 your own reasons for wanting to make shifts and see changes and 460 00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:53,700 get better. And so I think that's something 461 00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,700 to also be aware of when you're like, is this working, do you 462 00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:58,900 want it to work? Because for a long time I was 463 00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:00,100 like it's just not going to To work. 464 00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:01,400 So I would go through the motions. 465 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,900 I would show all sessions. I would run out the clock, but I 466 00:24:03,908 --> 00:24:06,000 didn't want to get better. I didn't believe that I could 467 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,200 get better and so I didn't see any changes. 468 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,600 And so it definitely is a key step in the process, wanting 469 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,200 that for yourself and deciding what you're working towards, and 470 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,000 it can be different from what your parents are hoping for. 471 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,800 Maybe, your parents are like her grades are so bad, so that's why 472 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,300 she's in therapy to develop better skills, and I don't know, 473 00:24:25,300 --> 00:24:27,800 do better in school but maybe you're like, I'm just so 474 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,600 stressed all the time and that's why I don't know. 475 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,900 Energy to work on school. So I want to work on stress and 476 00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:35,700 being able to have better ways of navigating that stress. 477 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,200 So I think that's another thing to be aware of as a teen. 478 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,900 Yeah. And the other thing too that I 479 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:45,300 want to add is it's totally okay to tell your therapist. 480 00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:48,800 I actually don't want to be here and my parents want me here so 481 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,100 that the therapist can really hear your side. 482 00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:56,400 Even though you're a teen that therapist is your therapist, not 483 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,900 your parents therapist and if your therapist is reporting, To 484 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,700 your parents. What you were talking about in 485 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,400 the session but it's not. Okay. 486 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,800 As parents are not supposed to have access to your notes, 487 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,200 unless, for some reason it's mandated reporting and mandated 488 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,700 reporting maybe like child abuse or that, you're going to harm 489 00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:14,100 yourself and not just any therapist. 490 00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:16,500 Should be telling you that there yet. 491 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,800 Telling your parents that yeah, yes. 492 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,000 Oh absolutely. And knowing to like, if you 493 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,800 don't feel comfortable talking, you can do things. 494 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,900 I've totally sat down with teens and sometimes we play puzzles to 495 00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:30,600 like build rapport because sometimes your We activities and 496 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,500 you don't even realize that you're talking and it's sort of 497 00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:36,500 like warms you up and feel more comfortable so if you don't want 498 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:40,300 to be there after heavy tick-tocks, two sessions like 499 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,800 Johnny's. Hey oh definitely. 500 00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:46,500 If it does not just have to be talking I think about sometimes. 501 00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:48,600 I used to have clients that would come in early in the 502 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,700 morning and they would like lay on the couch, they get the 503 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:55,000 pillow, get the blanket and then I left him service it for like 504 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,900 10 minutes. And then it's like, hey, what do 505 00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,100 you wanna do? You wanna play a game? 506 00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:01,200 Don't do puzzles. How How can we sort of make this 507 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,500 your time and not the time that your parents are telling you to 508 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,300 come here? Yeah, I think that's huge. 509 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:12,700 So if you've identified that it's not the right fit, you're 510 00:26:12,700 --> 00:26:14,600 not seeing the shifts that you want to. 511 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,800 You've been like I feel like I'm invested in this. 512 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,100 I'm giving it my all still. I'm not seeing the outcome, I 513 00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:22,900 want, how do you break up with a therapist? 514 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:25,400 Because that's something that you can do, it's something that 515 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,700 is okay, to give. It's okay to switch providers. 516 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,700 And you think most people don't? That you're like I have one 517 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:33,000 therapist. I rest my life, that's how it's 518 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,400 going to work. Unless I knew ver have this 519 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,100 crazy change happen, know you can switch therapist. 520 00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,100 So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. 521 00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:42,100 How do you navigate that transition? 522 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,400 And then what is helpful for you to hear as a therapist have you 523 00:26:45,408 --> 00:26:47,700 ever had someone? I don't not like ghosts but text 524 00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:49,300 me back. I'm done with therapy by 525 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:51,200 obviously helpful. That be here. 526 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,100 Look a like I think this is what I'm going to try and focus on or 527 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,100 I'm going to try some time outside of therapy and then 528 00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,300 maybe revisit so. What are your thoughts there? 529 00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,600 Yes. So, the first thing that I would 530 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,100 say is, there's several ways that I sort of see with, 531 00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:08,200 breaking up with a therapist, if you're someone, that knows, 532 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,200 okay, this isn't going to work, it's okay to goes, I want to 533 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,700 validate that, we're not your friends, so you're not ghost in 534 00:27:15,700 --> 00:27:18,100 a friend, it's a very good therapist. 535 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,300 So many skills to be able to navigate that like it's not like 536 00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:24,300 some emotionally unstable ex-boyfriend, they're going to 537 00:27:24,308 --> 00:27:28,500 be fast, they will move forward. Now, don't get me wrong, we 538 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:31,200 think about you. Because I definitely had where 539 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:35,000 I'm like, man, I wonder where that client is today and I 540 00:27:35,008 --> 00:27:37,400 wonder if they're okay. So that's the first thing you 541 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,100 can. Totally guys, think I bring so 542 00:27:39,100 --> 00:27:41,900 much to the play as a therapy client, because I'm like they 543 00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,800 can just listen to my weekly podcast. 544 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,900 They know exactly how things are going. 545 00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:52,000 Yes, yes. Hi, we're doing well. 546 00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:55,700 It's going. Okay, like, okay, great. 547 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,700 Good to hear. Another thing that I would say 548 00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:00,800 is asking yourself like Why is it that you want to break up 549 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,800 with your therapist? Okay, so short story, I did try 550 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,300 to break up with my therapist. So the best way I can describe 551 00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:12,300 it is the new therapist that I had started seeing, and the way 552 00:28:12,300 --> 00:28:15,500 that they're scheduling was set up was different than what I was 553 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:18,000 used to. So I as a therapist, when I get 554 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,800 a new client, you get on my schedule and then I just add 555 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,200 you, it's just every two weeks, it's just a reoccurring 556 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,200 appointment. This particular therapist makes 557 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,200 the appointment after every session because we So I was 558 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,600 like, oh, I don't know. So that means like what is 559 00:28:32,608 --> 00:28:34,300 there? Someone that you saw yesterday 560 00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:36,800 and they're like, I need five sessions next week and then the 561 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:37,800 spots are living. I don't know. 562 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,700 So it's sort of and like there's a day for therapy. 563 00:28:40,700 --> 00:28:42,500 You're like Tuesday's therapy day. 564 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:46,300 I tell ya, emotional things to talk about for Tuesday and then 565 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:48,500 we reset that's just how the world works. 566 00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:51,200 Exactly. So that he was different and 567 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,800 then I remember I was like, oh well I just want to do 568 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,600 reoccurring appointment and I remember the therapist, I think 569 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,000 we acting like in a way. I was like, oh, you don't Like 570 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,300 reoccurring appointment. So I made the next session and 571 00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:05,100 then I emailed them immediately afterwards. 572 00:29:05,100 --> 00:29:08,100 I was like, hey, I don't know. I was like all of my feelings 573 00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:09,900 and I was like, I don't like the way you looked at me when I 574 00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:12,500 asked for the appointment, I'm just letting, you know, I don't 575 00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:17,100 want to work with you anymore and so you can email them. 576 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,500 Here's the thing though. My therapist was a great 577 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:22,800 therapist. And they were like, no Shawnee, 578 00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:26,300 you can't email me. I'm gonna call you about your 579 00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:29,400 email that you sent me and I ignored it. 580 00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:32,400 And she left me, this really beautiful message and she's like 581 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:38,000 I'm hoping that you will allow me to explain myself and let's 582 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,500 talk about it and you actually not get charged for it. 583 00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:42,800 I want to give you a free session to talk about this and I 584 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:46,200 was like, oh wow, you really care about this and essentially 585 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,200 what it came down to it, they explained to me how they're 586 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,200 scheduling was going, and they had never had anyone ask, well, 587 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,400 can I just get a reoccurring appointment? 588 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,000 And so it threw them off. It wasn't that they didn't want 589 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000 to make it. They were just trying to process 590 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,400 how to handle that. That and we ended up continuing 591 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,400 to work past that rupture and it ended up being really great. 592 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,400 So, I say you can email, but I say knowing why? 593 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:13,000 Because if I would have just sent that email and not 594 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,300 responded to the voicemail, I would have been without a 595 00:30:16,308 --> 00:30:19,200 therapist but the therapist took the time to explain to me and I 596 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,300 was like, okay, so I don't need to end so you can email. 597 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,200 Another thing is talked about in your sessions, but if you're 598 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,600 sitting there with your therapist, the therapist can 599 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,300 handle constructive criticism. And feedback. 600 00:30:30,300 --> 00:30:33,100 So if you're just like, hey, I just want to let you know, this 601 00:30:33,100 --> 00:30:35,100 isn't working for me. The therapist can help you 602 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:37,300 figure out what isn't working. Is it that their purpose is 603 00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:38,600 style? Because, here's the beautiful 604 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:43,000 thing therapists are ethically required to give you referrals. 605 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,000 So if you tell your therapist, this isn't working for me, and 606 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,900 this is why that therapist can offer you referrals to help you 607 00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:52,900 find a therapist that may be working with sticks. 608 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:56,400 The leg work out of it. Yeah, I think also, you are 609 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,800 using a lot of really great skills to be able to have that 610 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,300 tough. Ocean and set that boundary and 611 00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:03,800 whether it's a phone call, or an email or in session, you're 612 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,100 doing the therapy work, just in that. 613 00:31:06,100 --> 00:31:09,000 When you have them on the other side of the couch, or the table, 614 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,400 or whatever it is, who is really, hopefully very effective 615 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,000 and has a lot of experience using these skills. 616 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,700 Be your building that muscle of having tough conversations, 617 00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:20,500 setting boundaries and advocating for yourself which is 618 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,300 something that's really cool. And I think worth celebrating if 619 00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:28,400 you can set that boundary and make that shift, yeah, and 620 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,500 advocate for yourself. Do I think it's also effective 621 00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:35,800 communication skills where I feel like we've just become this 622 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,100 society. That doesn't really want to tell 623 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:42,400 people how we feel about the relationship that we are in with 624 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,300 them that therapist. If you are seeing that therapist 625 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:47,800 that is a therapeutic relationship. 626 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,800 It requires work from you and also the therapist. 627 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,400 So if you're like anything is not working. 628 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,200 Talk about therapy in therapy. Yeah, yeah. 629 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,800 Well, I love that for listeners who want to continue to consume 630 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,500 your content. You have a book coming out and 631 00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:08,800 just continue to follow along with you, where can they find 632 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,100 you? So I always say, it depends on 633 00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:16,700 what you want to find. If you want more of sort of the 634 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,500 straightforward, mental health content. 635 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,500 You're definitely can find me over on Tick. 636 00:32:21,500 --> 00:32:26,700 Tock, if you want more of, sort of a personal insight to not 637 00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:29,800 just mental health content, but my life, you can find me on On 638 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,900 Instagram because that's where I like to hang out with stories. 639 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,200 And then of course if you were just trying to navigate therapy 640 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,800 in general, you can purchase the book, dope therapy, where books 641 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,200 are sold Barnes and Noble Walmart, what is that big 642 00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:47,000 amazon? Which literally can guide you 643 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,700 through? How do you find a therapist 644 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,800 questions to ask a therapist to see if they're a great fit, how 645 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,000 to do the work in the session understanding trauma kind of 646 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,300 break up with your therapist and there's exercises in the book 647 00:32:59,300 --> 00:33:01,600 too. Be able to help guide you on 648 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,400 your journey. I love it. 649 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,300 Well, thank you so much for joining me today. 650 00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:07,000 I'm so excited. We got to do this and I know 651 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,900 this conversation is going to be so helpful for so many people. 652 00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:12,500 Yes, thank you so much for having me. 653 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,200 Of course. Thank you so much for listening 654 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,100 to this week's episode of she persisted. 655 00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:19,500 If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family 656 00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:21,700 member. It really helps out the podcast 657 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,800 and if you haven't already leave a review on Apple podcasts or 658 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,000 Spotify, you can also make sure to follow along at at she 659 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,100 persisted podcast on both. Instagram and Tik-Tok and check 660 00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:34,200 out all the bonus resources content and information on my 661 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,700 website. She persisted podcast.com, 662 00:33:37,300 --> 00:33:39,800 thanks for supporting, keep persisting and I'll see you next 663 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:40,300 week.