1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,400 Welcome to nevertheless, you persisted. 2 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,500 I'm your host Sadie, every Friday. 3 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,000 I post interviews about mental health, dialectical behavioral 4 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,000 therapy and Teenage life. These episodes break down my 5 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000 mental health Journey. Teach skills to help you cope 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,500 with life and showcase, testimonials from teens, just 7 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,300 like you, whether you've struggled yourself or just want 8 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,300 to improve your mental Fitness, this podcast is your inspiration 9 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:22,300 to live a life, you love and keep persisting. 10 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,800 This week's episode is brought to you by saqqara. 11 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,300 You guys know how much I'm stressing the importance of good 12 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,400 sleep. 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You can go to saqqara Dot. 33 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:27,100 And use codec so Saadia. Check out for 20% off, again, 34 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:32,300 that's a car.com use code. XO Sadie at checkout for 20% off 35 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,900 your first order. Hello, everyone and welcome back 36 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:38,000 to another episode of she persisted, if you're new here. 37 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,400 Hello. My name is Sadie. 38 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,600 I'm 17. I'm a senior in high school from 39 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,000 the Bay Area and this is my podcast. 40 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:48,400 I do a lot of mental health, teenage Wellness, lifestyle 41 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,500 episodes. I do a mix of solo episodes just 42 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,800 like this one where I talk from my My experience, I give advice. 43 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:59,900 And my story is that I struggled really severely with depression 44 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,900 and anxiety, and eighth grade freshman year, and of Middle 45 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,800 School, beginning of high school and I ended up doing a 46 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,300 year-and-a-half of intensive treatment. 47 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:09,500 So I spent some time at a program in Boston, called McLean 48 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:13,500 Hospital, three East and it really, really did save my life. 49 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,900 And then I spent a year at a therapeutic boarding school. 50 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:20,000 And so, I've had the amazing opportunity to Circle back with 51 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,500 these people, that changed my life, so much these treatment 52 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,600 providers. These friends, these connections 53 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,700 I made and really dive into tips and tricks and advice for 54 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:32,800 parents advice for teens and also kind of dive into the 55 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,200 social media space and talk to fellow podcasters, talk to 56 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,500 mental health, experts. Other people that are sharing 57 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,600 their stories and really just get an amazing unique 58 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,600 comprehensive. Look at what mental health is, 59 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,200 especially in teenagers. So with that little bit of an 60 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,300 introduction, today's episode is one that's been on my list of 61 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:54,800 podcast episode ideas. For a long time, I don't know if 62 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,500 anyone else who does content creation has that notes list on 63 00:02:57,500 --> 00:03:01,100 their phone that's like 30 pages long where you come up with an 64 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,500 idea and you're like, I want to do it at some point. 65 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,600 Don't have time right now, but this idea was definitely one of 66 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,200 those. So this week's episode is my 67 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,500 mental health tips for high school students and I thought 68 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:14,100 about making it more mental health tips for teenagers, but I 69 00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:17,000 kind of like that's a whole other episode in itself because 70 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,100 that encompasses a lot more Middle School. 71 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,400 It's more kind of navigating relationships with parents 72 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,100 friends, and I really want to To focus on navigating the academic 73 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,400 side of things and preparing yourself for success with 74 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,400 college. And also really, really 75 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,800 prioritizing your mental health and you and being okay, and 76 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,500 making sure that you're thriving mentally. 77 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,500 So again, going back to this backstory. 78 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,200 When I started freshman year, I was really, really struggling. 79 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,300 I was suicidally depressed. I could barely stay at school. 80 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,600 The whole day because I was having such bad panic attacks. 81 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,800 My relationship with many of my friends and my family members 82 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,700 was honestly terrible and I was in and out of treatment. 83 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,900 I was Going to the hospital, every couple of months. 84 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,200 I was doing outpatient programs after school. 85 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,800 I was missing the end of classes because I was commuting an hour 86 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,100 and a half to go to therapy appointments every single week. 87 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:06,800 And my life was really just kind of blowing up around me at home. 88 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,100 I was miserable at school. I was miserable. 89 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:13,400 I was really just struggling and suffering and I didn't think 90 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,400 that would change. So I went through that period 91 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,899 where my academics and school life was really just a mess due 92 00:04:18,899 --> 00:04:21,300 to my mental health. Second semester freshman year. 93 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,000 I was completely in treatment. I In school at all. 94 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,700 And then I did summer school, the end of freshman year and so 95 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,200 I made up my credit. And then sophomore year, I 96 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,100 attended a therapeutic boarding school. 97 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,000 So I did school at that boarding school. 98 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,400 And then junior year I did one semester of in-person school at 99 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,600 my local public high school. And then the last year, which 100 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,000 was spring semester of junior year. 101 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,800 And now, fall and spring semester of senior year has been 102 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,400 online during the pandemic. So I would really say I have one 103 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,900 of the most unique, craziest High School Stories. 104 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,100 It's been quite a mod podge of different schools classes 105 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,100 teachers friends. Friends, all of that kind of 106 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,800 stuff. And so, I feel like I have a 107 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,800 pretty unique perspective and can give advice that is 108 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,400 applicable to many different School environments, and many 109 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,700 different academic situations. So I think I kind of got off on 110 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:06,100 a tangent there, but what I was saying was that I had freshman 111 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,700 year, where I was really struggling with my mental 112 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,800 health, I had that time where I wasn't doing school. 113 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,200 I had that time at boarding school and then Junior and 114 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,400 Senior year. I really did feel like I was 115 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,300 thriving, I did well, academically, my mental health 116 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,600 was doing well as well. I was able to build some great 117 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,500 friendships and relationships despite being in a pandemic. 118 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,600 So I have Kind of three mental perspectives. 119 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,600 In addition to all the logistical craziness, I want to 120 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,800 start with some academic things that you can put in place to 121 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,700 help your mental health and then I'm going to go into more 122 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,500 lifestyle things in relationships. 123 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,900 So, I want to talk about the concept of working smarter not 124 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:40,100 harder. My parents hate this philosophy. 125 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,500 They hate that I am body at. They hate that. 126 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,400 I don't want to do 110% with every single thing that I'm 127 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,300 doing whether that's chores or homework or whatever it is and I 128 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,900 completely disagree. I think that if we put 110% into 129 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,200 To every single thing that we're doing in life, whether that's 130 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,200 cool, passion project extra curricular, activities 131 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,400 relationships. All of those different things, 132 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,500 we're not going to be passionate about every single one of those 133 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,500 things. So we're going to get burnt out 134 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:08,100 if we're constantly putting so much effort into things and not 135 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:11,800 everything is re-energizing us and keeping us motivated. 136 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,400 Also, when you think about just logistically, I don't know if 137 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,200 any of you have seen that video with all the M&M's on the ground 138 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,400 where they kind of walk through how much free time you actually 139 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,200 have in your life. So if you have 24 hours in a day 140 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,300 and you're spending seven and nine sleeping and you're 141 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,600 spending seven hours at school and you also have three or four 142 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,800 hours of homework and you're also bouncing a job on top of 143 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,900 that the amount of time that you really have to do things for you 144 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,700 that keep you, energized and happy and motivated is so 145 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:38,300 limited. So if we can minimize the things 146 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,500 that you're doing that are causing you to get burnt out and 147 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,500 still allow you to succeed in those areas. 148 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:45,200 That's where you can really, really optimized for amazing, 149 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,300 mental health academic success and also genuinely being happy. 150 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,600 So, let's look at this through school lens. 151 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:55,000 So, if you're working smarter not harder, that would mean that 152 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,500 when you get your assignments list, say, you have to read 153 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,900 three chapters of a book. You have a set of math problems. 154 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:06,000 You have a lab worksheet to prep for and you have textbook notes 155 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,100 to take for say psych class. You're going to have to take 156 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,500 those sites, Ike notes. Like, there's no way to get 157 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,100 notes on a textbook. Without reading it or at least 158 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,200 writing the notes themselves, maybe you understand the 159 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,700 material enough to write them from memory. 160 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:19,500 But you're going to have to invest that time writing the 161 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,600 notes unless you're going to cheat and we're not we're not 162 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,800 advocating that here, you're going to have to spend the time 163 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,800 doing the math problems. Even if you're really good at 164 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,100 math and it doesn't take that long. 165 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,600 So I'm out of time, you're going to have to invest their research 166 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,700 for your lab. If that's one of your strengths, 167 00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:34,100 maybe you don't need to do that research because you've taken a 168 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,600 class before that covered titration or whatever it is. 169 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,800 So you understand and can engage and participate in that class 170 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,300 tomorrow, without spending 45 minutes, researching the lat And 171 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,300 the reading if that's a strength of yours and you can actively 172 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,000 participate in that discussion and you can do, okay on the quiz 173 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,000 from skimming or reading a summary then that's where we can 174 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,700 save time. And work smarter not harder 175 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,600 because if you're spending five hours a day on homework and 176 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,600 you've spent seven hours a day at school, maybe that works for 177 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,000 you. Maybe you're still energized, 178 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,300 maybe you have the mental bandwidth for that, but I don't 179 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,500 know that that like I end up getting overwhelmed and 180 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,900 depressed the next day and anxious because I'm not getting 181 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,700 everything done. So, if I can think about what 182 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,500 assignments, I can Can do 100% on which ones. 183 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,600 I don't need to do and still do well at school. 184 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,900 And then I can optimize for things like spending time with 185 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,600 friends because that really energizes me and improved my 186 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,800 mental health and my relationships and helps me feel 187 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,500 connected. I can optimize for 20 minutes of 188 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,100 self-care and reading before bed because I know that helps my 189 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:33,000 sleep and I'll feel more motivated and happy and the 190 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,100 morning. The next day I can spend time 191 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,799 with my family at dinner and truly be present and not be 192 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:40,200 thinking about that assignment that I haven't finished yet. 193 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,500 And so the point of this is not for you to slack off on inside 194 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,200 of us. Mets and use that as an excuse, 195 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,300 because you're prioritizing your mental health. 196 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,700 The point is to create more balance in your life and 197 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:52,100 understand that we're not super humans and we cannot put 110% 198 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,700 into everything and that goes for school as well. 199 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,300 So that's my work. Smarter not harder. 200 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,200 Figure out what your strengths are understand that there's not 201 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,700 always time to do every single one of your assignments 202 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,600 perfectly and that's okay, I don't know if you've had the 203 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,000 experience where you've completely crammed for a test or 204 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,300 you've, or you've spent so much time on notes and you get to 205 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,500 class your teacher spends, literally, Two seconds going 206 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,100 over it. There's no grade for it. 207 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:16,800 She like doesn't even check the homework. 208 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,000 Like dang it. Like, you were stressed and 209 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,400 close to tears the night before because you didn't understand 210 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,600 that and it wasn't even worth anything. 211 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,200 And when you think about how you could have spent that time the 212 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,500 night before, maybe you could have spent time with your dog or 213 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,600 you could have spent time on that passion project, that makes 214 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,500 you so motivated and happy and energized and allows you to give 215 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,300 more energy to school because you are energized and motivated. 216 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,700 So, what I'm trying to communicate is that none of us 217 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,700 are perfect and none of us can do. 218 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,500 Every single assignment perfectly. 219 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:47,800 If you can lean into those strengths and you can put 110% 220 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,200 into the things that you're passionate about and that you 221 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,100 need to put in the work for to do. 222 00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:55,700 Well, do that? So yeah, that's my advice. 223 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:59,300 So you putting 110% into things that you're passionate about. 224 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,800 That you need to put in the wraps for to be good at and the 225 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,700 things you truly do need to study to do well in that class 226 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,700 and the things where it's review or your time, could be more 227 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,300 productive, spend elsewhere. And you can still do well in 228 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:13,500 that class optimized for that. So, So, the next thing that I 229 00:10:13,508 --> 00:10:15,500 want to the next piece of advice, I have for high 230 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,100 schoolers, is to have a good relationship with your counselor 231 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,300 if you're not aware of this, if you're a freshman or you're an 232 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,100 eighth grader and you're just starting the whole High School 233 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,700 process, your counselor is going to have to write you a 234 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:29,200 recommendation for college has come senior year and in public 235 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,100 school and in a lot of schools these counselors are writing 236 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:35,500 hundreds of recommendations. So at some point they're going 237 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:39,100 to become generic and it's really, really difficult to 238 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:42,400 build a super amazing authentic relationship with your counselor 239 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:45,100 to Weeks before this recommendation is due and even 240 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,600 that is kind of transaction on the big. 241 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,500 I just want this relationships, that will get a good 242 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,400 recommendation, will get into college. 243 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,000 And there are so many ways that having a good relationship with 244 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,400 your counselor can benefit. You not only do you get a great 245 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,800 recommendation because you have an authentic relationship with 246 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,600 this person. You've shown your strengths to 247 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,800 them, but when you're struggling with your mental health or 248 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,200 you're struggling with stress from school, you have that 249 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,300 person to lean on even things, like, when your schedule is 250 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,800 messed up, and there's a class in your thing that you'd not 251 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,300 supposed to be taking your counselors, the person who fixes 252 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,800 that And so if you can have a good relationship with them, but 253 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,500 are so many things logistically that are easier to approach and 254 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,500 one of these things is a 504. So if you have any kind of 255 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,500 diagnosis, whether that's generalized, anxiety, disorder, 256 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:28,200 depression. Bulimia anorexia literally any 257 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,100 diagnosis from a therapist. It can be from a psychiatrist 258 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,000 psychologist. Has to be from a doctor. 259 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,300 You can get something called a 504 in the state of California 260 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:40,300 and what a 504 is is a set of accommodations and help you 261 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,100 succeed in school. So some pretty common Ones are 262 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,700 being able to take bathroom breaks during class, being able 263 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:49,100 to drink water, or eat snacks and class being able to have 264 00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:52,800 extra time on tests and homework getting extensions. 265 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,500 And these are kind of really common things at certain schools 266 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,700 but Public School, lot of the time, it's not as common and 267 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,500 these aren't just given away like free candy. 268 00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,300 You can't just get up and go to the bathroom. 269 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:05,700 And so if you're struggling with something like anxiety, we're 270 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:08,200 being in the classroom. When you panic attack is coming 271 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,000 on, really, just isn't working for you. 272 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,600 If you have a five before you can get up and go to the 273 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:15,000 Bathroom no questions asked. So once you have these 274 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,400 accommodations, your teacher can be like, no, sorry, you can't 275 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,800 eat a snack in this class even if you're struggling with eating 276 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,200 throughout the day and not binging at night, so these 504 277 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,300 accommodations are set up to keep you successful with no 278 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,000 questions asked by teachers because you have the signed note 279 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,400 from your doctor and so what happens is you ask for the form 280 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000 from your counselor, you get it signed by your doctor, they 281 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,400 write down your diagnosis and your teacher gets a list of the 282 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,400 accommodations that you get in their class and So for me, the 283 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,200 accommodations that I have, I have extra time on tests and I 284 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,200 have extensions. I have I think snacks and water 285 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,600 in class. Even for Zoom school right now, 286 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,000 you can get accommodations like having your camera off or not 287 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,900 having to be called on in class if that causes immense anxiety. 288 00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:01,100 And so 504's are also really thin line to walk because you 289 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:04,200 want to have accommodations. It helps support you but it's 290 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,600 also not great because these are an existing College 504 291 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,900 accommodations don't always exist in the real world, 292 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:13,600 especially without you having to continuously at Vacate for them. 293 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,400 So if you're 504 is that you can go to the bathroom and do you 294 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,900 find that you're just getting anxious in class and you're 295 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,500 born? You're going seven times a day, 296 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,200 it really does become a crutch as far as coping. 297 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,300 So that is one thing that I kind of want to throw out there that 298 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:29,000 it's very important to make sure that these accommodations are 299 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,000 helping you thrive and not hindering your ability to cope 300 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,200 effectively independently. So relating to the five of for 301 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,000 my piece of advice is to get one. 302 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:40,300 If you have a diagnosis get a 504, you might not feel like you 303 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,400 need the accommodations now and that's totally fine. 304 00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,500 Ever have to use them. But having that option, if 305 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,900 you're really, really struggling and you have 17 assignments, due 306 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,300 the next day, and you just really need an extension. 307 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,100 That's one of those five before comes in handy, or if you're 308 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,900 really, really struggling with a concept, all the tests and maybe 309 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,200 it's anxiety. Maybe you just don't get it that 310 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,000 extra time. Really is a helpful resource. 311 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,900 So if you have any kind of diagnosis, my advice is get a 312 00:14:04,908 --> 00:14:06,900 504 even if you don't intend to use it. 313 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,700 It's a nice thing to have. So kind of going back to the 314 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,000 work. Smarter not harder thing, but 315 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,000 from a different angle, I feel like when I was started High 316 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,400 School, this idea of cramming and studying all night and 317 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,200 always working was really romanticize the idea of having 318 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,900 so much homework and being stressed out. 319 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,400 Like that was just part of the high school experience. 320 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,200 And it's not does not have to be, yes, you'll probably have a 321 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,000 couple of tasks or assignments that you've procrastinated and 322 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,300 you're working on lately and you are overwhelmed and busy and 323 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:37,700 that's totally okay. And I promise your mental health 324 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:39,800 will thank you. If you have a shutoff time every 325 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,700 night and that's different for every person, I'm not trying to 326 00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:45,400 be a bear near really Bedtimes at 7:00 p.m. no, no, no, maybe 327 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,400 it's 11:30. You're like, okay, I'm done with 328 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,900 homework. I know that I'm not going to do 329 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:51,200 great work. After 11:30, that assignment 330 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,600 will still be there the next day. 331 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,400 And I'm not saying that every single night you have to have a 332 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,000 strict cut off and that this is something you have to do every 333 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,500 point. But balance, if you're 334 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,100 consistently getting enough, sleep in your consistently 335 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:06,100 shutting off by, like 10:30 11:00, whatever time it is, when 336 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,300 you do have that test that you have to cram and study for for a 337 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:12,500 few extra hours, your sleep won't be as dramatically. 338 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,700 Impacted. And we also know that your 339 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,300 performance in school is so closely linked to how much sleep 340 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,900 you're getting and how rested you are. 341 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,900 If you're constantly pulling all-nighters and costly studying 342 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:25,400 and not sleeping enough, you're going to do worse in school. 343 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,400 You're not just going to feel worth but your performance will 344 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,700 suffer as well. And I more really wanted to 345 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,600 approach this from the lens of that what it feels like when you 346 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,300 have an assignment, that's not done. 347 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,200 You're going to miss the deadline and there's that 348 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,300 stress, there's anxiety. There's that fear, you're gonna 349 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:42,700 have to tell your teacher. You didn't do it, and I know, it 350 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,600 doesn't feel that way in the moment, but the assignment will 351 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,400 still be there. Tomorrow you can go to sleep, 352 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,500 you can wake up in the assignment will still be there. 353 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,400 Maybe you can get it done before school, maybe you can really be 354 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,800 honest, your teacher and be like, hey I was really stressed 355 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,400 out last night, I'm really struggling with my relationship 356 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,800 with my mom right now. I have a bunch of other stuff 357 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,500 from other classes and I know I should have advocated for an 358 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:06,200 extension before and I really didn't and that's totally on me 359 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,500 and I didn't get this assignment in time. 360 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,000 And I was wondering if it's possible to do it for partial 361 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,600 credit or if I could Make it up and in my experience, when 362 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,300 you're open in your authentic with teachers and you're honest 363 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:20,100 about the fact that you should have done this differently and 364 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:23,600 you didn't and you're asking for support, they're willing to give 365 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,900 that to you. So in that regard, if you go to 366 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:28,200 sleep that night, the assignment will be the next day. 367 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,800 If you spend all night cramming, that time to sleep and to 368 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,700 improve your performance. The next day, that's not going 369 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,700 to be there. So I want to Circle back to the 370 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,900 idea where I was talking about passion projects that really 371 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:40,300 motivate you and energize you and that you want to put 110% 372 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,600 into. I am such a big proponent of 373 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,200 this freshman sophomore year, when you would have asked me 374 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,000 what I'm going to write about on my college application. 375 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,600 I don't know. I think I like ran cross-country 376 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,600 the time. I wanted to be a pediatric 377 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,800 surgeon. Like guys my vision of what I 378 00:16:54,808 --> 00:16:57,600 wanted to do was completely different and that's totally 379 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,600 fine. If you don't know what you want 380 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,000 to do, so many high school, students don't know, and that's 381 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,300 the point of college and careers and life is figuring out what 382 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,900 you're passionate about and what you love. 383 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,900 So you can thrive in those areas and from a very basic 384 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,900 standpoint, my reason to advocate for a passion project. 385 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,000 Is for your college application. Being able to show that you have 386 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,800 grit and motivation and an amazing work ethic. 387 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,700 Like that's exactly what colleges are working for. 388 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,599 They're not looking for someone who can check all the boxes and 389 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,099 be like, I got all these Straight A's and I didn't do 390 00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:29,500 anything else except for this. And from the conversations that 391 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,800 I've had about the college admissions process, with my 392 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,700 parents, with other adults, when we think about tat standardized 393 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,600 test scores, we think about recommendations, we think about 394 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,300 grades. The goal of that is for colleges 395 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:45,400 to find a Student, that is academically talented, they show 396 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,600 grit and they show potential and it doesn't really matter what 397 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,600 that area of potential it is in. Maybe it's your extremely 398 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,800 committed to your sport and every single day you're showing 399 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,000 up at 5 a.m. and you working out in your building relationships 400 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,200 with your teammates and your thriving in that area. 401 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,000 Maybe you're really good at debate team, you're always 402 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,200 showing up for practices, you go above and beyond you. 403 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,700 Again, have these amazing relationships in this passion, 404 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,500 those skills that you've learned with that activity can be used 405 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,300 in any Area of life and eventually can lead you to be 406 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,500 really successful in college and in your career, it's that's what 407 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,400 colleges are looking for, is those that passion, that grit 408 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,100 and that potential. And you can just as easily show 409 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,100 that through passion project for me, the podcast showed my 410 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,000 ability to Advocate and work with other people within the 411 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,600 podcasting Community. It showcased my passion for 412 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,100 mental health, and my commitment to working on the problem. 413 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,400 That is mental health stigma in our society, even from an early 414 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,700 point, I was able to show them that I want to be a clinical 415 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:43,000 psychologist and these are the steps that I've taken Insofar to 416 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,300 start these conversations and show this passion. 417 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,600 So from a very basic standpoint and Logistics wise that is one 418 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,700 reason I have a passion project. Additionally the other reason 419 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,800 for having a Passion project, I'm gonna explain this kind of 420 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,200 through like, introvert and extrovert personalities. 421 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,800 If you're introverted, you get recharged by spending time by 422 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,800 yourself. If your extroverted you feel 423 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,700 recharged from spending time with other people. 424 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,800 So whichever one of those. You are totally great. 425 00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:08,100 Imagine that feeling of being recharged, passion projects can 426 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,900 do that to you get more energy. You get more motivation more. 427 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,500 Mint and you're able to put that energy into other things. 428 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:18,000 So, for me, what I spend an hour podcasting on Fridays, I wake up 429 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,300 the next day, more energized and more motivated and happy, and I 430 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:24,500 have more to put into the other things in my life. 431 00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:27,200 And that's another reason why I think having a Passion product 432 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,000 is so important because it's another area of your life to 433 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,600 recharge and refuel and become re motivated. 434 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,700 And again, support your mental health, and it's also a great 435 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,700 distraction. If you're really stressed out, 436 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,900 if you're struggling with panic attacks, if you're having a 437 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,800 tough relationship with your parents leaning. 438 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,000 Into this passion project, doing this thing, that makes you 439 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,200 really happy and it's a great distraction. 440 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,600 That's another reason why I think having a Passion project 441 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,300 is so important. This week's episode is sponsored 442 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,700 by teen counseling. I cannot tell you guys. 443 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:57,500 How many DM's texts emails? I get from teens parents, even 444 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,500 friends asking, how can I find a therapist? 445 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,400 How can I enroll in therapy? How can I find a therapist for 446 00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:04,000 my teen? How do I tell my parents? 447 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,300 I want to go to therapy. That's why I'm partnering with 448 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,800 teen counseling. Teen counseling is an online 449 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,700 Therapy Program with over 14,000, licensed therapist in 450 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:12,600 there. Work. 451 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,900 They offer support on things like depression, anxiety, 452 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:18,300 relationships, trauma, and more, and it's all targeted at teens. 453 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,100 They offer, text talk and video counseling. 454 00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,400 So no matter what level of support you're looking for, they 455 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,600 got you, you're going to go to teen counseling.com, she 456 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,100 persisted, you'll fill out a quick survey about what your 457 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,100 goals are for therapy. Whether that's improving your 458 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,300 mental health, during the pandemic, working on your 459 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,900 relationship, with your parents, improving, self-esteem, whatever 460 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:39,200 it is, they'll match you with therapist that fits your needs. 461 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,800 You'll enter your information and your parents information. 462 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,800 And your parents will get a super discreet email saying your 463 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,800 child's interested in working with a licensed therapist at 464 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,900 teen counseling.com. They had to the website learn a 465 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,900 little bit more about the program and a preview to work 466 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,400 with the therapist. And from there you can meet that 467 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,700 therapist on a frequency that works for you. 468 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,300 This is a great way to dip your toe, into therapy world and get 469 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,200 support when you need it without having to go into an office, 470 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,200 meet with a therapist meet with a stranger and go through all of 471 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,900 that for the first time. So you can go to teen 472 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:14,600 counseling.com she Stood again, that's teen counseling.com says 473 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,500 she persisted to get started today. 474 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,800 The next piece of advice that I have kind of goes back to the 475 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,400 idea of a counselor, but it's having the adult you trust that 476 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,100 you can lean on and talk to and feel supported by and it doesn't 477 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:28,600 matter. Whether this is a parent, that's 478 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,900 great. If you don't have a great 479 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,600 relationship of your parent, that's totally fine. 480 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,900 Maybe it's a family friend teacher at school, a counselor, 481 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:37,700 when you're struggling, especially with mental health. 482 00:21:37,708 --> 00:21:40,100 It's not something that you want to put on your friends. 483 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:43,000 And I've talked about this so many times on the podcast, but I 484 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,500 went down that rabbit hole so far. 485 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,000 So deep. I thought I was everyone's 486 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,000 treatment coordinator. ER, and I took on all of their 487 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,300 emotional burdens as my own, and when you're a teenager, your 488 00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,600 brain is not fully developed. You're not able to handle these 489 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,700 crises situations. You don't equipped to handle 490 00:21:57,700 --> 00:22:00,200 someone else's mental health as a whole. 491 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,400 That's why people get training for years to become 492 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,000 psychologists, and psychiatrists, and that's why 493 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,500 there's a whole team of clinicians that work with you in 494 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,300 the hospital and in treatment, and an outpatient therapy 495 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:13,100 because it's not meant to be a burden, put on one person, 496 00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:15,100 whether that's the person struggling, or their best 497 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:19,000 friend, and it also puts a lot of Stress on the relationship, 498 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,900 whether you realize it or not. When there's an imbalance in the 499 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:24,700 relationship and one person is constantly struggling. 500 00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:28,000 The other person starts to few used and resentful because 501 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,000 they're not getting as much out of the relationship. 502 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,500 And if you're both equally, putting your burdens in this 503 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:36,200 relationship, you become really codependent because your ability 504 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,500 to cope and distress and vent about what's going on is 505 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:41,400 completely tied to that other person. 506 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,200 So, going to friends for support, can be great for 507 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,900 smaller things, but when it's your whole mental health, and 508 00:22:46,900 --> 00:22:49,700 whatever crisis, You're having at the moment, it can be really 509 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,200 detrimental to both parties. So this is where an adult comes 510 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,700 in. Being able to have someone that 511 00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:55,900 can be that stepping stone to getting you professional 512 00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,200 support. Whether that's a therapist or 513 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,600 counselor, maybe it's a doctor who ever it is having an adult, 514 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,900 you can trust. They're the ones that are 515 00:23:02,908 --> 00:23:03,800 equipped to pick. Okay? 516 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,100 This is what we do next. And of course, there's a chance 517 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:08,900 that you go to someone and like, I don't know what to do or you 518 00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:10,700 get bad advice your led the wrong way. 519 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:13,400 But if it's someone that you do look up to and you trust in you, 520 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:16,700 you agree with their values and their morals, often times, 521 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:17,700 they'll lead you in the right direction. 522 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:19,900 Action and they're there to offer that support. 523 00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,900 So going back to this idea of your relationship with your 524 00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:24,500 parents. If that your parents are your 525 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,300 person in your relationship with them is phenomenal, you can give 526 00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:29,800 and receive love and support. That's perfect. 527 00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:31,900 That's not my case for a lot of us. 528 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:35,500 And that was my next piece of advice, which is to remember 529 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:38,400 that your parents are never going to be the parents that you 530 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,200 need and want and wish you had. Because they don't, they don't 531 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,000 know what they're doing as much as we don't. 532 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,600 They're doing the best they can. They're doing what they learn 533 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,800 from their parents. And they're trying their damned 534 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,100 bass to be the best parent for you. 535 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,200 And we're not perfect and advocating for our needs. 536 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,500 We don't always recognize our needs, so they're not going to 537 00:23:57,508 --> 00:23:59,500 be the perfect parent. They're not going to always meet 538 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:03,600 your needs and that's okay. And it's really hard to accept. 539 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,100 Because when we're young, we go from this headspace of mom and 540 00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:09,700 dad are Superman and Superwoman, and they can solve all of our 541 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:12,800 problems to when we grow up. And we see these flaws, and we 542 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,400 realize that not only your parents, maybe they can't solve 543 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,200 every problem. But a lot of parents Do that for 544 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,400 you because you grow up, you move out of the house and you 545 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,900 have to do things independently so they can't solve all your 546 00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:27,100 problems but even if they could at some point they stop doing 547 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:29,100 that. So you go from this idolizing 548 00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:32,700 headspace believing that your parents are the most amazing 549 00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:36,300 people on the planet to kind of seeing them as human because 550 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:40,000 they are human. And that's when you kind of come 551 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,900 to that crazy realization that your parents aren't perfect and 552 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:47,200 that they're not the parents that you wish you had and that 553 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,400 doesn't mean that. There's another Pantry. 554 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,000 Like I wish I had that person as a parent because I don't know 555 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,100 that, I don't find that exist. But when your needs are unmet, 556 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:57,600 or when you don't feel validated or you don't feel supported that 557 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:03,000 sucks and you wish it was different and I personally have 558 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:07,500 found that really practicing that radical acceptance. 559 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:10,300 My parents, aren't the parents. I wish I had and we can have a 560 00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,100 good relationship. We can build our relationship, 561 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:13,900 you can improve this relationship. 562 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,400 We can work on our communication. 563 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,600 I can advocate for my needs more effectively. 564 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,300 Those are all measurable steps. You can take to improve that 565 00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:25,000 relationship and make it work for you and being in the head 566 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,300 space of, I wish this was different. 567 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,200 I wish this would change, maybe it'll be completely different 568 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,200 tomorrow. It really is painful to sit 569 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,800 through and it's really hard and we all know that that definition 570 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,800 of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and 571 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,200 expecting different results. And I found that I've gotten 572 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,100 into that headspace a lot where I'm going back to the same 573 00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:47,600 relationship and I'm expecting something to be dramatic. 574 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:51,400 Be different. And that's crazy to expect that 575 00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:53,300 something will magically change overnight. 576 00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:55,700 So again, you go back to those measurable steps that you can 577 00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:58,300 take to improve that relationship and you deeply 578 00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:01,000 practice that radical acceptance that your parents are never 579 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,600 going to be the parents that you feel like you need or that you 580 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,400 wish you had. And so that's where you come in, 581 00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:08,100 how can you get your own needs met? 582 00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,000 How can you practice that self-validation? 583 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,500 How can you build a family around? 584 00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:16,000 You have friends in other adults and whoever it is that can get 585 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,900 those needs met for you. So Kind of where that idea of 586 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:21,500 that another adult comes in if you don't feel like your needs 587 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:24,700 are being met, if you don't feel like you're getting that role 588 00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:27,900 model or that validation, whatever it is at home, you can 589 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:30,100 build that elsewhere, even when you're still young and a 590 00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:33,100 teenager, okay, I have three more tips, which I'm going to 591 00:26:33,108 --> 00:26:35,100 try and get through as quickly as possible. 592 00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:38,500 One of them is to get a job and I know that not everyone can get 593 00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:41,000 a job, some people's parents, don't let them work, maybe 594 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,800 there's not jobs in your area for covid. 595 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,200 Reasons, right. Now, when I'm recording this 596 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,800 episode, there's maybe not a lot of things that are open right 597 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,900 now. Ali. 598 00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:51,500 Okay, the reason why I put this on your radar is because being 599 00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:55,200 able to have Financial freedom and being able to go hang out 600 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,200 with friends and get a burger when you want to or being able 601 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:03,300 to get that sweater that you've been admiring for a while, gives 602 00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:05,700 you a great sense of sense of Independence. 603 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,600 I found that my relationship. My parents can feel a lot more 604 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,800 transactional and a lot more unhealthy on both parts when 605 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,900 it's really based around. Can I have this thing? 606 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,200 I really need this. I need new shoes, whatever it 607 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,400 is. It gets a lot more strained and 608 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,200 it's a lot more difficult, the amount of Freedom that you feel 609 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,200 when you can go and buy that coffee for yourself, or you can 610 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,300 buy those shoes that you've been looking out for the past three 611 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:29,100 months, it's amazing. And you haven't always 612 00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:30,600 experienced that when you're a kid. 613 00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:34,000 And so for the purpose of your relationship with your parents 614 00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:37,600 and being able to just have more Independence and freedom on your 615 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,700 own. That is one thing that I highly 616 00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:43,000 suggest and recommend is being able to get a job and work to 617 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,000 again decrease those things that are keeping you from the things 618 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,600 you want to do whether it's spending time with friends. 619 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:48,900 Friends, switching up your style. 620 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:51,500 I don't know what it is, but that is something that I found. 621 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,300 That makes me feel a lot more independent and makes me feel a 622 00:27:54,308 --> 00:27:57,300 lot more motivated. And it really has been a 623 00:27:57,308 --> 00:28:00,000 game-changer in high school. And my sister right now is 624 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,100 looking for a job and she's constantly complaining of, she 625 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,000 doesn't have money for things and she can't buy this new 626 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000 thing. I'm like you have to get a job. 627 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,700 I don't want to and it can be scary, it can be overwhelming 628 00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:12,600 and I totally get that. I totally understand. 629 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,700 I remember when my parents told me to get a job, I think I was 630 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:17,000 in eighth grade at the time that you need to go ask for an 631 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,000 application of Now I'm not doing it. 632 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:20,400 I was so embarrassed that I was working. 633 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,600 I don't know why but it was just a really overwhelming scary 634 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,100 experience and I want to recognize that I want to let you 635 00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:29,400 know that I totally understand that because I've been there and 636 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,900 I promise you Financial Freedom and Independence starting when 637 00:28:32,900 --> 00:28:34,500 you're in high school is amazing. 638 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:38,200 My next piece of advice is using vacation as vacation and in my 639 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,700 personal experience has been a lot of times where it's like 640 00:28:40,700 --> 00:28:44,100 spring break or it's winter break and you're still working 641 00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:45,900 on things, you're still in your same routine. 642 00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:48,700 It feels like just less classes. But you're basically still in 643 00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:52,000 school and I totally get that because it's like School pointed 644 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,900 vacation. It's like School Board, two days 645 00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:55,600 off. There's the world keeps moving, 646 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,400 there's still things to do and you feel so much more refreshed, 647 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,000 you feel more motivated, you feel more energized, you feel 648 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000 more happy. These are really the buzzwords 649 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,100 of this episode because all of these things, we're trying to 650 00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:10,400 increase those feelings. So, unplugging from email 651 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,700 homework, whatever it is, that's causing that normal stress in 652 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:15,300 your day to day life. Switching up your routine. 653 00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:17,300 Maybe it's sleeping in. Maybe the getting up earlier 654 00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:19,900 whatever Is that you like switching up your meals 655 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,500 switching up the way you're spending your date if you can 656 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:25,300 really just lean into that vacation time and make it feel 657 00:29:25,300 --> 00:29:28,600 different from your day-to-day redundant lifestyle that we all 658 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,400 get into. I promise, you will feel so much 659 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,900 better and rejuvenated and energized. 660 00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:36,100 When you get back into that school head, space and 661 00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:38,200 lifestyle, and that's something really hard to do. 662 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,100 I feel like it'll do much better on it and I'm only starting to 663 00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:43,900 kind of understand because I, whenever I'm on vacation time, 664 00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:46,300 I'm just want to like, scroll on Tick-Tock, which is terrible, 665 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:50,900 but yeah. Yeah, I have felt the difference 666 00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:53,700 of being on quote-unquote vacation and still working on 667 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:57,600 essays or college applications or being in the same redundant 668 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,300 routine and then going back to school and you feel like the 669 00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:03,300 grind is never ended versus really taking that time to 670 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:07,200 unplug and step back and focus on your own mental health that 671 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,700 you can put even more into, all your activities when you get 672 00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:11,400 back to them, when school starts again. 673 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,400 So my last piece of advice is more of a social thing which is 674 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,500 surround yourself with who you want to be. 675 00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:20,200 And this was something that I had heard for years. 676 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,100 And I never truly understood until I got a fresh start, my 677 00:30:23,100 --> 00:30:27,800 junior year and I had had a hell of a high school experience 678 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,600 already. I had been in one School 679 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,600 freshman year completely mentally struggling. 680 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,800 I went to intensive treatment and pretty much dropped out of 681 00:30:34,808 --> 00:30:37,600 high school for that semester. I did summer school, I did a 682 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,900 boarding school and then I went back and when I looked at the 683 00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:43,500 relationships, I had my freshman year which was a lot of 684 00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:46,100 like-minded individuals and that we were all mentally struggling, 685 00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:48,800 we were all truly suffering. And our relationships and 686 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,700 connections were based off of those shared emotions. 687 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,900 And then I looked at my relationships junior year where 688 00:30:55,900 --> 00:30:57,400 for those first six months, no one even knew. 689 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:58,800 I had a podcast about mental health. 690 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,200 No one knew. I went to treatment, no one knew 691 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,800 that I'd struggled with depression that was something 692 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,100 that was part of my identity, but it didn't need to be the 693 00:31:05,100 --> 00:31:07,800 most Forefront thing that I was advertising. 694 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,800 And so I was able to build these relationships based on these 695 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,900 parts of my life, that fueled that energy and motivation and 696 00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:17,900 happiness, which was authentic connections over things in our 697 00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:21,300 classes and spending whatever you're doing outside of school 698 00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:24,500 and Club. And extracurriculars and 699 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,700 whatever was going crazy and like my social life outside of 700 00:31:27,700 --> 00:31:30,300 school. And so, I built these 701 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,600 relationships with these individuals that weren't 702 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,100 mentally struggling. And I connected over things that 703 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,900 I wanted to see more of in my life, which was lots of being in 704 00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:41,600 this treatment world at being overwhelmed by constant crises, 705 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:46,900 and struggling and chaos. And having this more simplistic 706 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,100 typical high school lifestyle, which was having great 707 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:54,300 relationships with friends, And authentic connections that 708 00:31:54,300 --> 00:31:57,000 weren't based on my mental health going up in flames. 709 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,800 And so you can surround yourself by people that are in the head 710 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:03,100 space, that you want to be you, you become who you surround 711 00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:05,600 yourself with and that applies to your mental health as well. 712 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,200 I think, and I think that everyone has moments of 713 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,500 struggles, and I think it sounded so cheesy. 714 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:16,200 I think that everyone has bits of darkness and struggle in 715 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,000 their life, and so, if you're bringing attention to that, you 716 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,300 come into this friend group, and you're talking about how you're 717 00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:24,000 struggling with x, y and z, Things are going crazy at home, 718 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,800 people will reciprocate that energy and they will have a 719 00:32:27,808 --> 00:32:30,800 conversation with you go and bring up their experiences. 720 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:35,700 So I want to kind of shed light on the fact that it's not just 721 00:32:35,700 --> 00:32:38,600 who you surround yourself with but the energy you bring to 722 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,000 those interactions. So even if you surround yourself 723 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,900 with people that are mentally, healthy and well and thriving, 724 00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:47,900 there's the potential for you or someone else to bring that 725 00:32:47,900 --> 00:32:51,000 negative energy, and turn that into unhealthy relationships, 726 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,700 and you can also, Bring that healthy energy and you can bring 727 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:57,600 those authentic healthy connections to relationships 728 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,800 that were formerly based on - connections and negative 729 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:05,000 behaviors. So that's my last piece of 730 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,200 advice. Let me see if I can turn a 731 00:33:06,208 --> 00:33:09,600 little wrap-up of everything. I talked about first was work, 732 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:13,500 smarter not harder, get a 504 sleep because the assignment 733 00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:15,400 will always be there. Tomorrow, have a good 734 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,700 relationship with your counselor have a passion project. 735 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,700 I have an adult that you can talk to that. 736 00:33:20,700 --> 00:33:22,500 You admire look up to and your values. 737 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,500 In line with understand that your parents are going to be the 738 00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:29,800 parents that you wish you had use vacation as truly vacation 739 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,400 time, get a job, have that Financial Independence even when 740 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,200 you're a teenager and surround yourself with who you want to 741 00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,400 be. So I hope that was helpful. 742 00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:40,600 I'm going to have to edit this episode so much because I 743 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,100 repeated everything I said like four times because I just got 744 00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:45,900 off on random tangents, but I hope you enjoyed. 745 00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:48,900 I hope you loved this episode as much as I loved recording it. 746 00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:51,000 Be sure to subscribe and apple podcasts. 747 00:33:51,300 --> 00:33:54,100 Leave a review. Please I've been asking ever to 748 00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:55,500 leave reviews, but it really does. 749 00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:58,500 Help share this episode with a friend that, you think would 750 00:33:58,500 --> 00:33:59,900 enjoy it. Tag me. 751 00:33:59,908 --> 00:34:02,000 If you're listening to it on social media, I would love to 752 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,000 see it. I'll repost it. 753 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,600 I'll give you a shout out. Yeah. 754 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,200 What else is there to say? I hope you're having a wonderful 755 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,600 week. Be sure to follow as she 756 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,800 persisted podcast on Instagram. I'm really popping off there 757 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,000 with the Instagram, reels, and the tick-tocks, and the posts. 758 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,000 So yeah, thanks for listening and I'll see you next Friday.