1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,600 Welcome to, she persisted, I'm your host CD son. 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,100 Every Friday. I post interviews about mental 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:08,000 health, dialectical behavioral therapy and Teenage life. 4 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:11,000 These episodes break down my mental health Journey. 5 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,200 Teach skills to help you cope with life and showcase 6 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,200 testimonials from individuals, including teens, just like you. 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,000 Whether you've struggled yourself or just want to improve 8 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,800 your mental Fitness. This podcast is your inspiration 9 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,800 to live a life, you love and keep persisting. 10 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,400 This week's ubt scale is validation in this interview 11 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,600 Whitney and I talked a lot about how invalidating with positivity 12 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,500 can be and how it can really negatively. 13 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,900 Impact both your mental health and relationships. 14 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,700 I wanted to get super detailed on how you can be more 15 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:40,200 validating. So in case validation is a new 16 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,400 term Tio validation is something that you can do both towards 17 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,500 yourself or towards other people, where you create space 18 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:50,400 and appreciation for an emotion without necessarily agreeing 19 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,100 with an action. A belief, a decision or the 20 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,200 intensity of the emotion so there are six stops and they 21 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,500 weren't in difficulty. So they are pay attention 22 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,100 reflect back. Read my I ain't understand 23 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,500 acknowledge the valid and show equality will start with the 24 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:07,500 easiest and go to the hardest. So first is paying attention. 25 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,100 You are looking interested in the other person and side of 26 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,000 board. So you're not multitasking. 27 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,200 And if you're doing this for yourself, you're kind of sitting 28 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,700 and giving yourself a moment to process what you're going 29 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,000 through. Instead of just completely 30 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,900 distracting and trying to move on second is reflect back, stay 31 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:22,600 back. What you heard? 32 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,800 The other person say or do to be sure, you understood exactly 33 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,400 what the person is saying, we're not using judgmental language or 34 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,800 a Of tone of voice. Third is read minds and that's 35 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,200 in quotations. We're being sensitive to what's 36 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,500 not being said by the other person so that's facial 37 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,000 expressions. Body language what's happening 38 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,900 around you what you know about the person already and you are 39 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:46,000 showing your understanding in both words and actions. 40 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,900 You are checking to see if you are right in your assumptions 41 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,600 but you're letting it go if you're not, fourth is 42 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,900 understand, look for how with the other person is feeling 43 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:58,200 thinking or doing make sense based on their past experiences 44 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,500 present situation and Or their current state of mind or 45 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,200 physical condition. This is really breaking down the 46 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,900 cause of the action or motion that has arisen. 47 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:10,100 Fifth is acknowledged the valid, look for all the other person's 48 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,500 feelings thinking or actions are valid responses because they fit 49 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,300 the current facts or are understandable because they are 50 00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,700 a logical response to the current facts. 51 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,100 Again, even if you don't agree with it, where you're looking to 52 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:26,100 understand their perspective and create space for that and lastly 53 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,100 is showing a quality. So be yourself. 54 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:29,800 You're not trying to one up or one down. 55 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,600 On the other person and you're treating the other person as an 56 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,900 equal and not as someone that's fragile or incompetent because 57 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:40,200 of what they're feeling. So that is validation, boiled 58 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,600 down. You are creating space for 59 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,500 yourself or someone else's emotional experience. 60 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,100 You are creating an appreciation for that without necessarily 61 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:50,300 agreeing and it's an amazing tool that allows you to feel 62 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:54,100 seen heard understood and process your emotions rather 63 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,600 than having them bubble up and get more overwhelming. 64 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,700 So with that, let's get into the episode. 65 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:04,000 Hello, hello, and welcome to. She persisted. 66 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,600 I'm so excited. You're here today. 67 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,900 If you are new. Welcome. 68 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,200 My name is Sadie. I am a freshman at the 69 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,600 University of Pennsylvania. Studying psychology, I started 70 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,200 she persisted after I went through a year and a half of 71 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,100 intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety and just 72 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:21,600 gain so much wisdom and insight and learn so many skills that I 73 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,800 wanted to share with other teens. 74 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,200 Because I really did feel like so much of what I went through 75 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,400 was preventable, if only the mental health education and 76 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,200 resources had been there, So that's why I started the 77 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,200 podcast. If you are a returning listener, 78 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,000 welcome back. We have an amazing interview 79 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,600 today with Whitney Goodman. She is the author of toxic 80 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,900 positivity and I left this interview just amazed by all the 81 00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:43,300 insights you shared. And there are so many tips here 82 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,200 that you can Implement in your relationships and your internal 83 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,900 dialogue all of those things. So I know you guys are going to 84 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:53,200 love it before we dive in, happy may it is mental health 85 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,000 awareness month, I love may. It's a great month to be hosting 86 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,000 a mental health podcast, and it's really fun to see. 87 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,800 Ton of different brands and creators and individuals being 88 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,600 vulnerable, their stories and sharing more resources. 89 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,600 So, yeah, it's just a month that makes my heart very happy and to 90 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,600 celebrate, we have two things going on. 91 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,600 One, I am posting a ton of tick-tocks and reels every day 92 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,800 to celebrate mental health awareness month. 93 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,100 So tons of tips clips from the podcast mental health advice, 94 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:24,100 you name it, those will be going up and so make sure to follow 95 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:27,000 along at a cheap resisted podcast on Instagram. 96 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,000 And the second thing I'm doing is a huge giveaway. 97 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,900 This month to celebrate 100 reviews and mental health, 98 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,000 awareness month, we are at 95 right now. 99 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,300 So five of you go leave a review so we can hit that and I can 100 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:42,100 announce the giveaway, but it's just such an amazing collection 101 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,100 of brands that I've partnered with think, 5-minute journals 102 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,700 some amazing skincare companies, sweatshirts all brands that are 103 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:52,000 really aligned with the podcast and promote mental health, 104 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,000 awareness and resources. So I'm so excited for that. 105 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,800 I will be announcing that on the podcast, as well as Instagram 106 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,500 and Tick-Tock and we'll announce a giveaway winner by And the 107 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,600 month but to give you a little bit more context before we dive 108 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,500 into this interview Whitney good. 109 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,800 Men L MF T is the radically honest psychotherapist behind 110 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,800 the hugely popular Instagram account at sit with which she's 111 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,600 also the author of toxic positivity. 112 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,500 In the owner of the collaborative, Counseling 113 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,100 Center, a private therapy practice in Miami Florida. 114 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,700 She helped people who want to improve their relationships and 115 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,500 emotional awareness and gives tons of great tips on this in 116 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,300 this interview. So with that as always, make 117 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,800 sure to leave a review, an apple podcast share with a friend or 118 00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:31,700 family member if you enjoy this. This interview and let's dive 119 00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:34,200 in. Thank you so much for joining me 120 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,200 today on. She persisted, I'm so excited to 121 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,100 have you on the show. Of course, thank you so much for 122 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:42,300 having me. Yeah, so I want to start by 123 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,800 hearing about how you became a therapist, how you became aware 124 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,200 of toxic positivity. And then I'm sure that I'll say, 125 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,100 we're right into what exactly that is. 126 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,900 Because it's not a term that people I think totally 127 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,800 understand you here thrown around. 128 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,400 But I'd love to hear your explanation because I think you 129 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,700 explained it so well. Yeah. 130 00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:04,000 So I've been a therapist for a little over seven years now I 131 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,600 wish I had a better story of how I became one but the truth is is 132 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:13,100 I was graduating from college with like degrees in sociology 133 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:16,300 and gender studies which you really can do nothing with. 134 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:21,200 So I started to look for masters programs and I knew I always 135 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,500 wanted to work with people in some capacity and I found this 136 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:28,600 therapy programs. Like oh that sounds exactly like 137 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,000 what I want to do. And I went straight from college 138 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,700 and so it's really the only job like profession I've ever had. 139 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,800 And I'm lucky that. I love it. 140 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,500 Yeah, just worked out well, yeah. 141 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:45,100 So how did you start noticing in practice or talking to other 142 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,600 clinicians? That toxic positivity, was 143 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,100 something that was going on in on a really big scale now. 144 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:56,400 So I started my career working a lot with patients who had cancer 145 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,700 and I noticed that positivity was like oh, Always the 146 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:04,300 prescription of choice. There was something I was doing. 147 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:07,500 There was this definite pressure that like, if you were going to 148 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:11,300 get through this, you needed to be positive and always felt kind 149 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,000 of weird to me. And so, over time, I started 150 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,000 noticing a lot of my clients saying things. 151 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,100 Like, I know I should be positive, but I know I shouldn't 152 00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:20,800 complain. But I know I need to be 153 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,300 grateful, and I was also just seeing this all over Instagram. 154 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:29,200 Especially once I started my Instagram to Market my practice, 155 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,400 So I was like, okay, there's something going on here. 156 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,600 So, I created this chart that was really just, like, toxic 157 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,500 positively and one column and validation in the other. 158 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:43,000 And a lot of people were either saying like, oh my gosh, I've 159 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,600 been looking for something to call this my whole life, or I've 160 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,000 noticed this, but I've never thought about it. 161 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,900 And then, there were other people that were like, this is 162 00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:54,700 crazy, positivity is nothing but good. 163 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:57,500 And so from there, I really realized like, oh, gosh, this is 164 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,400 something that we need to be talking about it. 165 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,400 People have such a polarizing reaction to the concept. 166 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,200 Yeah, no. It's really interesting that 167 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,200 second column are that second group of people that's like 168 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,700 positivity is only anything but good because they themselves are 169 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,300 also in that toxic positivity kind of Pennsylvania. 170 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,900 And you like, okay, thank you for explaining my point. 171 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:21,400 Yes, it's a great example here. So really breaking it down. 172 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:26,400 What is toxic positivity? So toxic positivity is really 173 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:31,500 this unrelenting pressure to be Be positive be seeking out 174 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:35,500 happiness, no matter what the situation and it's really 175 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:39,299 something that we use against ourselves like in some of those 176 00:08:39,299 --> 00:08:42,400 examples that I just brought up, like I should be grateful and 177 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,800 it's also something that we use against each other. 178 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,500 When we use toxic positivity and telling people that they 179 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,700 shouldn't feel a certain way or that they need to look on the 180 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:54,200 bright side. Yeah, no, I think that's very 181 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,700 true and it's something that is becoming very widespread. 182 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,900 I know you talked a lot about how this became just Even more 183 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,600 overwhelming in the pandemic because that was the narrative 184 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,300 was stay positive. Let's get through it. 185 00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,900 And there are, there are pros and cons to that, but I don't 186 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,300 know what your perspective is being practiced, but I feel like 187 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:13,000 I've never seen such an overwhelming urge of everyone to 188 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,300 be like, let's stay positive like before. 189 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,700 It felt like, there was much more of a mix of, like, some 190 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,500 people were like, well, this sucks but I guess like maybe 191 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,600 we'll get through another people were like, no, we're going to 192 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,400 stay positive. This is great. 193 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,400 So it's interesting to see for sure. 194 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,600 Yeah I definitely saw that and there was also this like you 195 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,100 have to make causative use of your time. 196 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:37,500 You need to achieve something you need to like self-care your 197 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,800 way through this or like you had the celebrities singing in their 198 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,700 houses, you know, telling yourselves as file and get 199 00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:46,800 along. And it's like, there is a really 200 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,800 crazy thing happening in the world right now and we're just 201 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,500 not going to talk about. Yeah. 202 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:56,300 Yeah. What are some like red flags or 203 00:09:56,300 --> 00:10:00,700 phrases that People can catch on to that, they can be aware that 204 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,000 either using toxic positivity internally or they're noticing 205 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,600 it within their interactions. So these phrases really depend 206 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,000 on like, What's the timing? What's the audience? 207 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,300 And what's the topic that's being discussed? 208 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,100 And some of those ones that tend to kind of go into that toxic 209 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,800 positivity category, or definitely like everything 210 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:26,000 happens for a reason Time Heals all wounds just be grateful, you 211 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:30,100 know, it's this or at At least it's not X and we use these 212 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:33,300 statements when someone's truck struggling is when they kind of 213 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,500 can turn into toxic positivity. Yeah. 214 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,900 Yeah. And I know those things are 215 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:41,700 very, very common, like when you go to someone and there's not 216 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,800 really like, if you don't know they're going to respond. 217 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,500 Well, a lot of the times, those are the responses that you get 218 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,500 and it can be really invalidating and it can be 219 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:51,900 really difficult to to feel like you're getting your needs met 220 00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,400 and then move through that in an effective way. 221 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:59,300 So if you are engaging some with Or you yourself are utilizing, 222 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:03,000 toxic positivity, what are the consequences there, obviously, 223 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,900 if it wasn't in - we wouldn't be discussing it as much. 224 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:09,500 So what happens when you are chronically surrounded by toxic 225 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:13,200 positivity. So when you're using toxic 226 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,800 positivity against yourself, a couple of things happen, where 227 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,000 you're likely going to feel this Mist, you're going to kind of 228 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,900 try to shove down your emotions, you're going to suppress them, 229 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,700 and we know the research, really clearly shows us that the more 230 00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:28,500 you suppress emotions. Owns, the more intense, they 231 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:31,200 become the more difficult they become it. 232 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:35,100 Also inhibits connection because you're not going to go and talk 233 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,700 to people. If you feel like you shouldn't 234 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:39,700 feel what you're feeling. And that's a consequence that we 235 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,200 see a lot when people are surrounded by toxic positivity 236 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,900 coming from other people, is this feeling of I'm alone? 237 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,900 I'm the only one that's dealing with this. 238 00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:52,400 And nobody can help me, or will understand me. 239 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,600 And I think, again, we're seeing people really Silo themselves. 240 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:02,100 They become Really isolated and we don't know how to connect 241 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:05,400 with each other support each other around our pain. 242 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,500 When that is kind of like the narrative that's going on. 243 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,200 Yeah, what are the most common things that people use that 244 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,300 narrative to to navigate? I'm sure it's different for 245 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,300 everyone and there are different pain points that everyone 246 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:21,400 navigates, but other common things while you're like, no, 247 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,400 like this is not effective, like, let's feel what's going on 248 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,800 here, then you don't have to be positive. 249 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,100 Yeah, II line a lot of these in my book that I think it's, 250 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,700 there's these like big ticket items were positivity, just 251 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:38,600 really doesn't fit so grief and loss, infertility pregnancy, 252 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:42,200 being a parent. Any of these really hard things 253 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,500 in life, you know, anything related to trauma, mental health 254 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:48,500 struggles. It often doesn't feel 255 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:53,600 appropriate to try to use positivity to kind of Band-Aid, 256 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,600 any of those blue jeans. Yeah, I think Another really 257 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,800 interesting thing to adhere. I think when people first hear 258 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,500 about this idea of toxic positivity and really creating 259 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,100 space for those emotions, they kind of get stuck on just that 260 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,900 first step and you kind of forget that like okay but once 261 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:12,600 the emotional need is met, there's so much growth that can 262 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,900 happen and you can work through it and navigate it and advocate 263 00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:17,300 for yourself. So can you speak to that a 264 00:13:17,308 --> 00:13:19,100 little bit of? There's this first step of 265 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:22,800 identifying like okay this might not be the most effective thing 266 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,600 to tell myself that it's going to be fine and it could be worse 267 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,500 but what happens when you do acknowledge those emotions and 268 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:32,500 create space as so after you acknowledge those emotions, 269 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,500 you're really like giving a label and a name to what you're 270 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:39,500 experiencing which helps it become known to you and less 271 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:42,900 scary. So I know that I'm feeling anger 272 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,700 about something that it makes sense to me and I can kind of 273 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,000 think about what do I want to do with this. 274 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,300 What tools do I have access to and then you're going to start 275 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:55,000 thinking, maybe about like what action do I want to take? 276 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,600 What do I want to explore? Who I want to talk to you about 277 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,700 this and you're able to really like, get your needs met and 278 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:07,700 also build up this list of like coping skills for yourself and 279 00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,700 make it easier. The next time you start to feel 280 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,500 any of these emotions. Hmm, when I was researching for 281 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:18,000 this, I heard you mentioned over validation, which is something I 282 00:14:18,008 --> 00:14:20,800 don't think I've ever heard of before, and I love to hear your 283 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,800 perspective there and kind of unpack what? 284 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,500 That is. Yeah. 285 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:29,500 So I think validation has Become like a really widely used thing. 286 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,900 It's very necessary, but I do think over validating something 287 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,300 or continuing to tell yourself, like it's fine. 288 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:39,300 I don't need to worry about that or like it's going to be okay. 289 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:42,600 Can sometimes keep us stuck where we need to start thinking 290 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,400 about? Like, all right, what do I need 291 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,400 to do about this? What action do I need to take? 292 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:52,900 Is there an area in my life, where maybe I'm not doing enough 293 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,600 or where I need to work on something. 294 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,400 Sometimes, when people say, like, Anxious and it's okay that 295 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,000 I'm anxious. It's okay that I'm not. 296 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,400 Okay. I think you can stop people from 297 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:07,200 may be pursuing therapy or from thinking that things could get 298 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,500 better. So, validation is always like 299 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,500 the first step. It's something I tell people to 300 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,100 do, but from there you want to make sure that you're not 301 00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:19,200 telling yourself, like I'm just miserable and I it's okay to be 302 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:23,100 miserable and it's fine. This way that there is more out 303 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,700 there than that for you. Yeah, no, it's interesting and 304 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,700 it makes Me, think about the CBT cycle. 305 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,200 And it's like, this is so effective from the thoughts 306 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,700 beliefs perspective to really effectively get your needs met 307 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,700 and then it's moving to the next part of the behavior and being 308 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,100 real with yourself and being like, okay, what is effective 309 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,100 here? And maybe in some cases, it's 310 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:46,000 not like sitting in this emotion creating space taking a pause. 311 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,100 And then in some cases, it's continuing to move forward, 312 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:52,300 advocate for your needs, ask for help, solve problem, solve if 313 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,400 that's necessary. So, I think that's really 314 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,900 interesting to think about and important to remember, as well. 315 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,700 If you had to save there is like a lesser of two evils, toxic 316 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,500 positivity versus pessimism. They're obviously very 317 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,900 different, but they're kind of two folds of this idea. 318 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:11,000 What are your thoughts there? So, I think both of them are not 319 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:17,400 great in large doses, right? And we tend to as a society like 320 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,200 to think in very black, or white term. 321 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,700 So a lot of people say to me, oh, you don't want me to be 322 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,400 positive, then you just going to be negative all the time or to 323 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,400 be a pessimist. And I think there's this Middle 324 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,900 Road where we can acknowledge, you know, what's bad? 325 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:33,800 What's good? What's neutral? 326 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:38,200 And we don't have to drift into either territory of like 327 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:43,600 pessimism or toxic positivity. I do find throughout my work 328 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,900 just like anecdotally that the people who are really 329 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:50,200 pessimistic are often. The people who were never 330 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,700 validated or they were constantly dismissed. 331 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,400 They were constantly told that what they're feeling was it 332 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,900 real? And so now they've had to like, 333 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:03,100 find this way to sort of like over identify with it and talk 334 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,599 about those things all the time because no one has ever said to 335 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:07,200 them. Like that makes sense why you're 336 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,200 upset? Yeah about that. 337 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,500 That's so interesting, this week's episode is sponsored by 338 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,500 teen counseling. You guys know, I cannot have a 339 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,400 therapist on the podcast. Without mentioning teen 340 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,000 counseling, it's such a great way to dip your toe into the 341 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,800 water of therapy without getting overwhelmed and waiting on 342 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,900 waitlist to try and find a therapist in your area. 343 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:27,099 It's an amazing solution. Teen counseling is the each of 344 00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:29,100 butter helps, their P program for teens. 345 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:32,300 They have over 14,000 licensed therapist in their Network and 346 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,700 they offer support on things like depression, anxiety, 347 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,800 relationships, trauma, and so much more. 348 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,800 You can meet be a talk text or video counseling, depending on 349 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,400 what level of support you're looking for. 350 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,700 And to start meeting with a therapist, you were going to go 351 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,300 to teen counseling.com, she persisted. 352 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,100 What you're going to do is you're going to file a quick 353 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,800 survey about what you're hoping to work on, what your priorities 354 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,800 are what you're struggling with so that they can match you with 355 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,800 a therapist that specializes in your area of concern you then. 356 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,800 Put any parent or Guardians email to give consent for 357 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,000 treatment and payment. None of your information is 358 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,700 disclosed. I tried it myself and all it 359 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,500 says is Sadie or whatever your name is. 360 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,400 Is hoping to work with a therapist from Teen. 361 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,500 Counseling please click here to learn more, give consent, and 362 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,700 provide payment. So all of that information you 363 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,900 filled out on your survey is completely protected, your 364 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:17,600 privacy is intact. And then from there, they match 365 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,000 with a therapist that meets your needs. 366 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:23,100 So what you're going to do is head to teen counseling.com, she 367 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:27,100 persisted again, that is teen counseling.com she persisted Did 368 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:30,200 you find a therapist today? Similar to that parents? 369 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,100 That are practicing toxic positivity. 370 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:35,200 I think, especially for teens, this is a big one because you're 371 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,700 starting to get into the season of life where you aren't 100% 372 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,200 agreeing or looking up to are getting all your problems solved 373 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,700 by your parents, you're becoming more independent. 374 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,900 And you notice these aspects of your relationship and if toxic 375 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,500 positivity is something that you start to notice, it's like, 376 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,300 okay? So like how do we move forward? 377 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,100 So first part of that question would be like, what happens when 378 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,800 you are in an environment? Iron Man where you have a parent 379 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,300 or a guardian or a loved one? Who is chronically? 380 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:06,300 Being toxic li+. Yeah, I see this a lot because I 381 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,900 think parents forget that, like certain problems for teens feel 382 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,100 like a really big deal, and they are very big. 383 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,500 Yeah. For them, even if the parent 384 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,100 doesn't see it that way, you know, you're not in that stage 385 00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:21,400 of life and so it's okay. As, as the teenager, I was a kid 386 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,200 to say, to your parents. Like, I know you're trying to be 387 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,700 helpful but that's not really helpful for me. 388 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:30,200 I Even trying to teach them how they could be more helpful 389 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,000 telling them like I just need to vent to you for a second and I 390 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,400 don't want you to try to solve the problem or to give me 391 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:40,600 suggestions and almost like doing a little bit of coaching. 392 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,700 And from, for parents remembering that like your 393 00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:46,000 teenagers problems are a big deal. 394 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,800 They're learning how to figure things out for themselves and 395 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,200 it's okay to allow them to experience. 396 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,700 All of that ya know, I always like to remind people that Like 397 00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,300 obviously everyone has that Universal experience. 398 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,800 Like helping a teenager was really hard, it really sucked 399 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,800 but yeah, haven't totally your brain. 400 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,300 Hasn't finished developing you're not able to fully step 401 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:12,600 into that, like logistical wise mind reasoning, you really are 402 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,700 feeling your emotions a lot more intensely. 403 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,600 You haven't learned how to cope with them. 404 00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:19,900 You still have a lot of aspects of your life that are being 405 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:22,000 decided for you. So you're not able to completely 406 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,500 decide your community and your resources and your schedule and 407 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:28,000 your support systems. So, yes, these Problems or 408 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,200 challenges that you're dealing with 30 years from now you're 409 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,200 like why was I upset over this? But in the moment it's really 410 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,500 overwhelming and those emotions are real, they're valid and and 411 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,700 it can be really tough to navigate especially if you have 412 00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,900 this person that a thing like this is fine. 413 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,700 What are you talking about? Just get through it. 414 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,300 It could be so much worse. So I think that's a really 415 00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:50,900 important reminder, for sure. Similarly, I think this is kind 416 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:54,800 of more something that happens when you are being toxically 417 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,800 positive, but with your internal monologue. 418 00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:59,100 And how does this shame cycle come into play? 419 00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,700 So what I see happening for people is that like over here, 420 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:06,700 they're feeling a certain way, right? 421 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,500 Whether it's like they're sad, whatever. 422 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,400 And then on the other side is like what they think they should 423 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,800 be feeling. I should be happy right now. 424 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,300 I shouldn't be feeling this way. And the discrepancy between 425 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:21,400 those two like, ends of the spectrum is where shame kind of 426 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,600 comes up. Because you're, you're bullying 427 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,600 yourself, essentially for not being able to feel the way you 428 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:32,000 think you should be feeling. Yeah no I think that's really 429 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,500 interesting. And if Shane comes up as a 430 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,600 secondary emotion and you're navigating that you're still not 431 00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:41,200 validating or coping with the root Primary Emotion, which is 432 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,700 the same consequence of the toxic positivity. 433 00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:47,000 Like, it's the secondary layer of still not getting those needs 434 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,300 met not getting validated, not feeling seen so that you can 435 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:54,700 move into that second part of the process and continue to move 436 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:56,300 forward. I'd love to hear your thoughts 437 00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:58,500 on complaining because I've joked for a long time that I'm a 438 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,500 complainer. And I Haven't really thought 439 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,400 that it's like a terrible thing because I'm like, okay, I get my 440 00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:06,200 my needs met internally. I'm acknowledging when I'm 441 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,700 feeling, I don't think I ought to a crazy degree but I 442 00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:11,000 definitely do like to make. Oh my God, this is so annoying. 443 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,100 So talk to me about how that can be a good thing at times. 444 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,200 Yeah, complaining is one of those things that people talk 445 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,300 about it, like it's a bad habit but everyone does it like. 446 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:26,100 Yeah, and there are there's a not helpful way to complain and 447 00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:30,100 there's better ways to complain. So what we see reflected in In a 448 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,900 lot of the research on complaining is that if you know 449 00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:37,900 what your goal is, you know, what is the actual problem? 450 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,800 And you know who can help you meet that need or fix that 451 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:46,100 problem, that complaining and be really useful in creating change 452 00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:49,600 and helping you feel heard helping you get your needs met 453 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,800 that without that you know I think as women were especially 454 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,800 taught not to complain, there's never going to be any change in 455 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,800 the world. Nothing will get done without 456 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,200 somebody. Really Getting out of problem. 457 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,000 No, I completely agree. And I'm writing a philosophy 458 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,800 paper right now. And it's a critique of this 459 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,000 paper about being content with imperfections and to some 460 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,800 extent, I agree. And then to some extent, I'm 461 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,000 like, but we're always going to be evaluating and seeing the 462 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,200 negatives. And if we don't see the 463 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,900 negatives, there would be no motivation to change or improve 464 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,900 anything. So I completely agree with you 465 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,500 there. If you could give a piece of 466 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:26,500 advice to people that are struggling with tossed, toxic 467 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:29,900 positivity towards themselves, whether it's like a skill or or 468 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,300 a way, they can rewire thought. What would it be? 469 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:37,400 I think using the word and is so powerful in trying to 470 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,300 deconstruct this. So saying, I am having this 471 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:44,300 feeling whatever the distressing thing that you're feeling is. 472 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:49,600 So I am angry and then adding the word and and there you can 473 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,400 put in something that you're grateful for something that 474 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,900 you're excited about to. Like I am angry about the great 475 00:23:55,900 --> 00:24:00,000 I got on this test and I'm going to study harder next time and 476 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,800 I'm glad I have another chance to get my grades up, whatever it 477 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,900 is. Can help you create that space 478 00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:08,200 for you're looking at all the sides of a situation. 479 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,100 I love that. And that's something I remember 480 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:13,700 learning when I was in treatment, especially in Family 481 00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:15,300 Therapy. That whenever we were navigating 482 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:18,800 something it was like, stop using but we're going to say and 483 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,700 instead because no matter what you're saying, no matter how 484 00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:24,500 well you set up this validation as soon as you say. 485 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:26,700 But the person's like all of, that's erased. 486 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:28,300 Like okay, what's going on there? 487 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:31,300 And like we're we're wired to focus on the negatives. 488 00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:33,500 It makes sense, it's kind of it hurts when someone Someone's 489 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,000 like, it's like a break out there. 490 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:39,100 Like, you are so great, but I've been, they, like dunk you. 491 00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:42,600 So, that shift is huge. And it's such an easy one to 492 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,900 make, is there something you would recommend for people that 493 00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:48,000 notice that someone in their life, whether it's like a boss, 494 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,600 a friend, a parent, a family member is being really toxically 495 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,100 positive and they're noticing that it's impacting their mental 496 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,700 health. I think going back to what we 497 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,300 were talking about with teenagers, like, really trying 498 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:02,700 to empower yourself, to teach people, how to help you, when 499 00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:06,000 the Chat more in stock. So with the people in your life 500 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,800 that are close to you sharing with them, how to be helpful for 501 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,600 you telling them when things are not helpful. 502 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:14,900 If there's people that continue to say this stuff to you you 503 00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:18,800 feel like it's not worth your labor to kind of teach them. 504 00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:23,100 It's also okay to stop going to them with these types of things 505 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,800 or when they give you a toxic positivity, phrase just being 506 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,300 like, Oh, thanks so much and changing the subject or walking 507 00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:35,200 away and not taking that. Personally or upon yourself? 508 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:40,300 Yeah, in a perfect world. Do you see people not ever being 509 00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:44,100 talks Lee positive? Do you see them that happening? 510 00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:46,900 And then people really advocating and demonstrating how 511 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:49,300 they can get their needs met? Like, what would you like to see 512 00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:53,500 people doing more effectively? Yeah, I think that would be the 513 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:56,600 most ideal outcome, right? Because all of us like to get 514 00:25:56,700 --> 00:26:00,700 help and give help in different ways and there's no manual for 515 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:03,100 that. There's no way to like do it. 516 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:04,100 Exactly. Right. 517 00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:05,800 All the time. That what I'd really like to see 518 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,800 is more people just talking about this and kind of coming 519 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,700 together to meet on that. Yeah, and I think that's so 520 00:26:12,700 --> 00:26:15,900 interesting because, again, it's the audience, it's the setting. 521 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:18,300 Like, there's been times where people have been like, this is 522 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:21,500 just a season of life, and it could be so much worse and I'm 523 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:24,100 like, you're so right. And that's why I need to hear. 524 00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:26,000 And then there's other times where I'm like, are you kidding 525 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,500 me? Like, this is not helpful. 526 00:26:28,700 --> 00:26:32,200 So, it's really it's different. And you do have to advocate for 527 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,600 your needs. You have to To Showcase what 528 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,100 you're hoping to receive. And I think it's so true with 529 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:38,800 friendships romantic relationships. 530 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,800 Like, parent relationships. It's huge while, I know that so 531 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:43,900 many teens are going to find this. 532 00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:47,000 So helpful and just learn about this, this pattern that so many 533 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,900 people are experiencing but haven't been able to identify, 534 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:52,300 or know how to solve. So I'm so glad we got to do 535 00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,900 this. Thank you so much for having me, 536 00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:58,700 of course, working people get your book, follow along with you 537 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,900 and continue to consume your content. 538 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:05,600 You can find me on social media. Instagram, that's it with wet. 539 00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:09,300 And you can get my book, toxic positivity, any where books are 540 00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:11,900 sold? Awesome to recap. 541 00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:14,300 This week's episode Whitney, and I discussed her clinical 542 00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:17,400 experience how she started. Observing toxic positivity both 543 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:21,600 in her practice and Community. What exactly toxic positivity is 544 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,400 how it shows up in both ourselves and our relationships 545 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,300 negative. Impacts of invalidation 546 00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:28,400 situations. You shouldn't be positive. 547 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,200 What is over validation and the benefits of complaining. 548 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:32,800 This interview is jam packed with. 549 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,000 You if you enjoyed it as much as I did, make sure to share with a 550 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,300 friend or family member. And if you share on social media 551 00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:41,000 tag me at at she persisted podcast and I'll make sure to 552 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,000 repost and give you a little shout-out. 553 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,800 So with that, I will see you next week.