1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,840 Happy Monday and welcome to your mental Health mini. 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:05,200 This week's guest is Alexis Nyers. 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,720 And we are talking addiction. Drugs saved my life. 4 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:13,160 Like they actually ended up saving my life because I 5 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:17,360 probably would have taken my life had I not had drugs because 6 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:21,720 of the amount of pain that I was in before the drugs. 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,280 There was clearly a problem and most people don't look at it 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,160 that way. They go, oh, the drugs are the 9 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,280 problem, right? Like your life got really bad 10 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,520 because you were on drugs. And it's like, no, my life was 11 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,040 really bad. And then I found drugs, which 12 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,360 was a temporary solution to my pain. 13 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:42,800 And then that pain kept growing. And so I needed more and more 14 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,080 drugs. If we have to look at that 15 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,000 underlying cause of the pain, and we have to be willing to go 16 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,840 in and heal that. But each person's pain is their 17 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,280 own. Everyone has the right to heal 18 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:01,480 it when they're ready to. And I have a really hard time 19 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,200 with people forcing that on other people. 20 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:09,200 And I think we as a society need to ask ourselves this. 21 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:15,120 Why is this person's behavior, addiction, whatever it might be, 22 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,880 bothering us so much? Is it because I'm afraid for 23 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,200 people to think that I have a challenging kid? 24 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,920 Is it because our family looks different? 25 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:29,000 Is it because it's triggering unmet stuff and myself and my 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,840 own psyche? Is it because I know that I've 27 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,800 played a part in this, right? And it's like when we start 28 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:41,040 focusing more on ourselves and not so much on that other 29 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,080 person, and we start having empathy for that other person, 30 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:48,400 that person will begin to heal just through that, right? 31 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,440 Like some of the most profound work that I've had the honor of 32 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,360 participating in with others when facilitating care for 33 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:00,440 somebody who's using substances or self harming or whatever it 34 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,920 might be, is really working with the family to heal themselves 35 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,240 first and then dropping all of the shame and all of the 36 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:13,200 shaming, right? And presenting our case. 37 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,080 And so when we do so from a place of unconditional love with 38 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:23,480 no manipulation, no shaming and no judgment, usually that person 39 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:29,200 who's hurting begins to feel safe enough to open up and to 40 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,040 recognize that they are unconditionally loved. 41 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:37,920 And there is no greater and more powerful motivator than feeling 42 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:42,000 unconditionally loved. Most of these kids don't feel 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,280 unconditionally loved. The love is very much so 44 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,240 conditional. You use drugs, we're going to 45 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,560 shame you. I feel a little less loved. 46 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,240 You know what I mean? And unconditional love is so 47 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,040 powerful. It is, you know, like, I meet 48 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,280 you where you're at. You don't have to change for me. 49 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:05,400 I'm concerned about you just because I love you so much and I 50 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:10,720 am so sorry that I ever tried to make you change or to be any 51 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,200 different. And I am so sorry for any part 52 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,800 that I've played in harming you. And like, I want to talk about 53 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,400 this and I want to have these conversations and I want to take 54 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,960 responsibility for my part. And I want to be a part of your 55 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,520 life no matter what, whether you choose to stop using drugs or 56 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,720 not. And I know for some parents that 57 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,600 are like, this is radical. You're telling your teen that 58 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,520 they can use drugs. And no, I mean, like, if the 59 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:41,680 goal, though, is to get this person off drugs, interventions 60 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,840 and behavioral health treatment is not going to be the golden 61 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,400 ticket. I can guarantee you that. 62 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,880 And what happens, especially at these places now we're seeing 63 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,960 the fact that they get put on so many drugs, they end up walking 64 00:03:55,960 --> 00:04:00,640 out on like 15 different meds. And those meds fuck your brain 65 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,160 up for the rest of its life, right? 66 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,560 And then they end up with me at 35, they start at 16. 67 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,480 And then they're in the revolving door of toxic 68 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,960 treatment centers and you're out, you know, potentially 69 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,000 hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars. 70 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,279 And you're like, why? How did we get here? 71 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:27,560 It's because we've never dealt with the root, which is so not 72 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,400 productive because no one's really doing the work. 73 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,840 No one's really doing the work. We, we're still pointing fingers 74 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,600 as if the person who is expressing the pain in the 75 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,640 family unit, who is, you know, some people call them the black 76 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,800 sheep, right? Some people would identify them 77 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:51,320 as the identified patient or the problem child or whatever it 78 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,560 might be. And we're not looking at like 79 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,800 the dysfunction and the rest of the family unit. 80 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,280 And so these people get sober or they get better at these 81 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,280 facilities and then they go home and the work is not sustained 82 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,240 because they're now triggering not only your personal pain 83 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:14,080 again, but the belief systems that we have about who we are 84 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:19,360 and our worthiness and our security and our safety and all 85 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,480 of those things too. So it's like, well, the only 86 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,840 thing that is constantly reliable in my life is the drug 87 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,240 addiction. If you enjoyed this week's 88 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,680 mental Health mini, you can listen to the full episode. 89 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,240 It is episode 66 featuring Alexis Nyers. 90 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,560 A link to the full episode is in the show notes. 91 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,360 As always, make sure to leave a review, subscribe, share with a 92 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,200 friend or family member, and follow at She Persisted Podcast. 93 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,480 Thanks for listening.