Happy Monday and welcome to your mental Health mini.
This week's guest is Alexis Nyers.
And we are talking addiction. Drugs saved my life.
Like they actually ended up saving my life because I
probably would have taken my life had I not had drugs because
of the amount of pain that I was in before the drugs.
There was clearly a problem and most people don't look at it
that way. They go, oh, the drugs are the
problem, right? Like your life got really bad
because you were on drugs. And it's like, no, my life was
really bad. And then I found drugs, which
was a temporary solution to my pain.
And then that pain kept growing. And so I needed more and more
drugs. If we have to look at that
underlying cause of the pain, and we have to be willing to go
in and heal that. But each person's pain is their
own. Everyone has the right to heal
it when they're ready to. And I have a really hard time
with people forcing that on other people.
And I think we as a society need to ask ourselves this.
Why is this person's behavior, addiction, whatever it might be,
bothering us so much? Is it because I'm afraid for
people to think that I have a challenging kid?
Is it because our family looks different?
Is it because it's triggering unmet stuff and myself and my
own psyche? Is it because I know that I've
played a part in this, right? And it's like when we start
focusing more on ourselves and not so much on that other
person, and we start having empathy for that other person,
that person will begin to heal just through that, right?
Like some of the most profound work that I've had the honor of
participating in with others when facilitating care for
somebody who's using substances or self harming or whatever it
might be, is really working with the family to heal themselves
first and then dropping all of the shame and all of the
shaming, right? And presenting our case.
And so when we do so from a place of unconditional love with
no manipulation, no shaming and no judgment, usually that person
who's hurting begins to feel safe enough to open up and to
recognize that they are unconditionally loved.
And there is no greater and more powerful motivator than feeling
unconditionally loved. Most of these kids don't feel
unconditionally loved. The love is very much so
conditional. You use drugs, we're going to
shame you. I feel a little less loved.
You know what I mean? And unconditional love is so
powerful. It is, you know, like, I meet
you where you're at. You don't have to change for me.
I'm concerned about you just because I love you so much and I
am so sorry that I ever tried to make you change or to be any
different. And I am so sorry for any part
that I've played in harming you. And like, I want to talk about
this and I want to have these conversations and I want to take
responsibility for my part. And I want to be a part of your
life no matter what, whether you choose to stop using drugs or
not. And I know for some parents that
are like, this is radical. You're telling your teen that
they can use drugs. And no, I mean, like, if the
goal, though, is to get this person off drugs, interventions
and behavioral health treatment is not going to be the golden
ticket. I can guarantee you that.
And what happens, especially at these places now we're seeing
the fact that they get put on so many drugs, they end up walking
out on like 15 different meds. And those meds fuck your brain
up for the rest of its life, right?
And then they end up with me at 35, they start at 16.
And then they're in the revolving door of toxic
treatment centers and you're out, you know, potentially
hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars.
And you're like, why? How did we get here?
It's because we've never dealt with the root, which is so not
productive because no one's really doing the work.
No one's really doing the work. We, we're still pointing fingers
as if the person who is expressing the pain in the
family unit, who is, you know, some people call them the black
sheep, right? Some people would identify them
as the identified patient or the problem child or whatever it
might be. And we're not looking at like
the dysfunction and the rest of the family unit.
And so these people get sober or they get better at these
facilities and then they go home and the work is not sustained
because they're now triggering not only your personal pain
again, but the belief systems that we have about who we are
and our worthiness and our security and our safety and all
of those things too. So it's like, well, the only
thing that is constantly reliable in my life is the drug
addiction. If you enjoyed this week's
mental Health mini, you can listen to the full episode.
It is episode 66 featuring Alexis Nyers.
A link to the full episode is in the show notes.
As always, make sure to leave a review, subscribe, share with a
friend or family member, and follow at She Persisted Podcast.
Thanks for listening.