Welcome to, she persisted, I'm your host CD son.
Every Friday. I post interviews about mental
health, dialectical behavioral therapy and Teenage life.
These episodes break down my mental health Journey.
Teach skills to help you cope with life and showcase
testimonials from individuals, including teens, just like you.
Whether you've struggled yourself or just want to improve
your mental Fitness, this podcast is your inspiration to
live a life you love and keep persisting this week on she
persisted I just feel like you shouldn't have to wait till
you're older. To develop leader or ship skills
and to develop and to learn how to lead be a leader in your own
life. That's like this idea of like
being the CEO of your own. Life is very important to me to
teach because I think young people sit a little passive and
think that life is just happening to them and they're
being like forced to go to school and I have to do this may
have to that but that's a very that's a very low.
Vibration way to be in the world if you think that like your day
is full of things, I like you have to do and You don't have a
lot of choice, so I try to show them the shift of, like, taking
the ownership showing that you have a lot of chances to, to
advocate for yourself to lead to be in the driver's seat of your
own life. This week's DBT skill is the
radical acceptance skill. When I think of becoming the CEO
of your life, the DBT the skill that comes to mind is radical
acceptance. It is definitely not an easy
skill to master, but it is so profound.
And it's really at the core of dialectical behavioral therapy,
and it's one of my favorite skills.
So what is radical acceptance? Radical means all the way.
Completely, totally 100%. It's accepting with your mind,
your heart and your body. It's when you stop fighting
reality, it's when you let go of those negative emotions
surrounding something, not going the way you want it to and you
let go of bitterness. When things do not go your way.
So what are you accepting? You are accepting reality as it
is which is the facts about the past and the present, even if
you don't necessarily like them, you Are accepting that there are
limitations on the future for everyone, but you only need to
accept the realistic limitations.
You're accepting that everything has a cause, including events
and situations that cause pain and suffering.
And lastly, that life can be worth living even with painful
events in it. So why do we accept reality?
The first reason is that rejecting reality doesn't change
reality. It really just causes more pain
and more suffering to fight against that.
The second reason is that changing reality requires first
accepting that reality is as it is.
And then what steps you can take to shift.
That the third thing is that pain can't be avoided.
It's a Nature's Way of signaling to us that something's wrong.
Something's out of alignment. So denying that that pain is,
there isn't going to get us anywhere and that leads right
into the fourth reason which is that rejecting reality can turn
pain into suffering. So to kind of make that
distinction pain is not avoidable, but suffering is and
rejecting reality turns that paint into.
To separate the fifth reason is that refusing to accept reality
can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness anger
sadness, shame and other painful.
Emotions sixth acceptance may lead to sadness, but in most
cases a deep calmness follows. And lastly the way past what
you're struggling with is through there's no around
there's no like side to shortcut that we're going to take and so
when you refuse to accept that struggle and misery is involved
in taking that path through you're just going backwards and
your Staying in the struggle. So again radical acceptance,
complete 100% acceptance of reality.
It's kind of like a peaceful openness of like I might not
like this, but this is what it is, and that's okay.
And then you're able to move forward, you're able to get out
of those painful emotions and continue on with your life.
Hello, hello and welcome back to she persisted.
I am so excited to have you here today.
We have an amazing interview with Sarah hernholm.
She is the founder of wit. We will get more into that in a
moment but I realized last night, I woke up in the middle
of the night and I was like, wait a minute, it's Valentine's
Day. It marks four days to the date,
that I started my journey at McClain and my parents and I
flew across the country and it was really like a huge turning
point in my mental health Journey.
It was The beginning of the end of my suffering, it was.
When I first of the first time ever, in my entire life started
investing in myself trusting, others enough to help me wanting
to get better and wanting a life for myself, which was a huge
shift from where I was at. And so I started my journey at
McLain suicidally depressed struggling with self harm and
such dysfunctional relationships and being so depressed.
So hopeless. So anxiety-ridden, just really
at my lowest of lows. Fourteen weeks later, I left.
And I was starting to build a life that I loved and that I
looked forward to and I was no longer plagued by this
depression and anxiety and suicidality.
And so it was four months of intense growth and it changed my
life. It's saved my life.
If you are considering treatment, I'll put a link in
the show notes below because I think it's just a great resource
to be aware of even if you're like doesn't even relate to you
at all. If you hear someone that's like
considering treatment are researching, I can't speak.
Kylie enough of it. So if you ever need to pass
along recommendation threes McLean, Hospital is in the show
notes, but today's episode is an amazing one.
So, in line with me, beginning, right?
Treatment Journey because it is about taking ownership of your
life. It is about being the CEO of
your life. It is about being a Discerning
individual. When it comes to the habits,
you're engaging in who you're surrounding yourself with what
values, you're living your life by this is just an amazing
conversation with so much value and insight.
I Connected with Sarah when we were talking about doing a
podcast Swap and she gave me the tough love that I needed at the
moment which was like, you need to hold yourself to a higher
standard from a work perspective, from a podcast
perspective with how you're investing your time.
And I needed that at that moment and to know that like what I was
doing with balancing, everything was not sustainable and that
something needed to shift and that my time and my talent was
valuable. And so after that conversation,
I knew I had to have her own she persisted And I knew I had to
share her story and her value with you guys as well, and this
conversation does not disappoint.
So like I said, today's guest is Sarah her home.
She is a former Elementary School teacher and she is now an
entrepreneur. She is the founder of wit, which
stands for whatever it takes and she works with twins around the
world who are interested in using their voices and ideas to
launch businesses, nonprofits, and or School movements.
So they focus on helping tweens and teens develop emotional
intelligence. Skills that entrepreneurial
mindset. And and that's exactly what we
dive into this discussion. We talked about why leadership
skills are so crucial for teens to develop how age and worth a
thick are not mutually exclusive.
Exactly how you can start to take ownership of your life and
so much more. So with that, let's dive into
it, I hope you enjoy. As always, if you do, make sure
to leave a review on Apple podcast and Spotify share with a
friend or family member post on social media and the other Thing
I wanted to mention is that all of the video for.
She persisted episodes are on my YouTube channel which is in the
show notes. So if you're listening to this
and you're like, I'd rather watch this on video.
Check out the link in the show notes, head over to YouTube and
watch us having this conversation.
So, with that being said, let's Dive In.
Well, thank you so much, Sarah for joining me today on to
persisted. I'm so excited to have you on
the show. I just, I don't know if you
realize, but you helped me so much when we connected it
initially. And so I knew that you'd be able
to help so many other people through the podcast.
And so I'm just so honored to have you on the show.
Thank you for having me, of course.
So I want to start by hearing your journey in hearing about
how you came to working with teens, being a mental health
advocate advocating so much for teens and what, how life brought
you to that point? Well, I mean, I'm I'm a lot
older than you so it's been quite a journey.
So if there's like specific parts of the dream, that you
want me to touch on because I just think it's really important
for people to understand. Even those listening that life
is just not linear, there's a lot of twists and turns.
I mean, I've had a career in television and film, I was a
school teacher at one point and now I've been running my
Organization for over 10 years. So, there's a lot of life that's
happened to this point. So my life was not one that I
went to college. College.
And then I started this career that I've been.
I've been I've stayed in for for many years.
So it's been a lot of twists and turns to get where I am.
And that said, it all makes sense to be where I am, which is
really fun about life and fun about getting older.
Is that sometimes when you're in something, you just cannot
understand why you have to go through it or why things are
happening how they're happening, but it's fun when you get some,
get some miles on you and get Some years that you can go.
Oh yeah, yeah that makes sense. So lots of twists and turns got
me where I am. Yeah no I remember the exact
same thing with my mental health Journey.
It wasn't until like I had the emotional distance and being a
couple years out of it, where I was like, okay, I understand why
these things happen. I understand why.
Now it has like this innate sense of purpose and meet and
I'm so passionate about mental health because I struggled
myself and that wouldn't be there.
Unless I'd gone through that Journey.
But in the moment I was like there is literally Lee no reason
for which I am experiencing. This is terrible.
This is awful. So, hindsight is 20/20.
So why did you start doing what? I know that you, you had another
career beforehand? Did you notice a gap in the
market where you like, I wish I had this as a teen.
What happened there? That inspired you.
So the the Catalyst first starting wit whatever it takes,
which is the nonprofit business, nonprofit organization that I
start that I run. It was a layoff.
So I think that's also really important people to, I was laid
off three years or four years in a row, as a school teacher, due
to budget cuts, and the last year of layoffs, it was it was
time to kind of reflect about what am I doing.
This. This cycle is really unhealthy
for me to be working really hard at a job and being really great
at it and then being at the mercy of a system that's broken.
And I think everybody would agree that the education system
is broken. Some might think more severe Lee
than others. But I've never met anybody who
thinks that education system is like really Stellar
hierarchical. Yeah and our country, right?
So I just had this feeling which maybe other people can relate to
where you go. Wait a second.
I don't like feeling that I'm at the mercy of somebody else.
I don't like that feeling and I just sat with that, and then I
asked myself a really important question and I was deathly where
I was on a walk and this, by the bay and where I live in San
Diego and I said, If you know, you could wake up tomorrow and
do anything, what would it be? And my answer came very easily.
It wasn't like I want to say that to everybody that it wasn't
like the skies parted and all of a sudden you know, it was just a
very simple just thought that came to me in response to that
question that I posed to myself. And and the answer was that I
wanted to help young people be of service to others because I
had seen how much that had transformed the In my classroom,
when we were doing service projects, when we were showing
up for other people, I saw an increase in self-confidence.
I saw an increased and knowledge.
And what I mean by that is we would take on big projects.
Like we took on Hurricane Katrina happen.
When I was a school teacher and I was teaching fourth grade, as
my first year of teaching, fourth teaching, I love those
kids. I'm still in touch with many of
them today, which is such a blessing and they wanted to help
and they wanted to do something. And you know, one of the things
that we that they did was they decided they adopt the library
that had been destroyed and they wanted to do a book drive and
then they wanted to mail the books out, but we had to raise
money for the postage for the book boxes.
But there's a lot of math that goes into realizing how much
things are going to cost and what kind of boxes we should
use. And so we would do these service
projects while also addressing academic standards.
But of course, as we all know, and learning is fun, we We
usually retain the information more and to see are the young
people in my classroom, then get written about in newspapers
because of the work that they were doing and seeing their
confidence increase. I just thought I wonder if I
could do that at a bigger scale and the first idea was to go
back to my roots and TV and film and Pitch as a TV show of kids,
giving back and ABC said, go get footage of that.
And so I went to a school and I started filming footage of
different service projects, talent shows that Ed to raising
money to build a water. Well in Africa on and on and on.
And here we are over ten years later with lots of pivots and
our business model and no TV show.
But a documentary in progress, but I've been saying that for
years now so we'll see if that ever comes to fruition.
But that was really it like just the looking at being not liking
my current, my situation and I'm really big.
I don't like people that just wanting about stuff and don't do
anything about it. Like that's, that's a deal
breaker for me and dating and pretty much a deal-breaker for
me in Shapes. Like, if all you're doing is
bitching about something over and over and over again and not
taking action on it. Like, that's just, that's not
how I am. So I just I was unkind, I didn't
like what was happening to me, I sat with that.
I got pissed. I felt all my feelings.
Then I was like, well what would you do if you could do anything?
And then I got my answer and then I made the choice to I mean
I was laid off but they might have brought me back in the fall
but I collected unemployment. And during this that summer I
just worked on this business idea.
And obviously never went back to that career.
And now I'm, you know, I've been doing what I've been doing for
over a decade. Wow, so I want to talk to you
about leadership and I think it's pretty unique that you are
so passionate, about giving teens leadership skills, I feel
like there's really like a narrative, okay?
Like once you're an adult, you'll learn leadership.
It's something that comes along further down the line, but your
leader is like and every single day in life, like whether you're
doing a group project or you are starting a business or something
like that, it's a very important skill.
So I wanted to get your perspective on that of why you
think it's so important for teens to Is leadership skills
early on in life? Well, it could be because I see
such poor adult leadership skills, right?
This is true. I mean, remember, I'm older than
you. So, and I'm running a company
where I need to hire and fire people so I can tell you what I
see, come through the door and what's been developed and what's
not been developed. And that's that's really great
for me to be able to go, oh my gosh, like this trend that I'm
seeing in people, coming into the job market is like you know,
is not is not good. How can we address that into it
with our younger demographics, to help?
Make sure that they're not like that when they when they're and
when they're entering the job market.
So that that's why it's important to me because these
people will eventually be running companies and I could
have hired them. I mean, I'm more inclined to
hire my current teenagers. And I am to hire most young
adults and that's true. And people will know that if
they fact check this because I do paid internships at with, I
hire people, I I think age is a good determinant on whether or
not you have like good work ethic.
I mean, I think young people just need to get they didn't
then go to seem to get more experience working.
And that's, they also haven't been in like, the corporate
cycle for like 20 or 30 years like that itself does something
to the work ethic, like you had an eight passion, and drive, and
kids. And I also, I just think
sometimes the way the school system is set up its that At.
The administration, the teacher is here, and the student is
here. And so higher, you know, hot
that, you know, and and the child is lower.
And so, the leader is supposed this person that has the power,
the higher part, which is a teacher in the oven.
But I really try to tell my young people.
You actually have the power. You the customer in your school
like you are the customer. You are without you.
That's cool. Does not get funding.
That school. Doesn't get donors at school.
Doesn't get recognition for great, SAT scores.
Or getting into top colleges. They need you.
And so knowing that doesn't mean that you act cocky or arrogant,
but know that you should be setting, you should be
advocating for yourself, you should be taking on, you should
be building programs and clubs that give you a chance to make
change in your school or put you in leadership roles to use your
voice. It's sometimes what happens is
though. There's like this kids will be
like, oh yeah, you're right. And so then they want to like go
fight the system, right? Because it's also like very
age-appropriate As a teenager to like fight a system.
Yeah. But we know that we don't get
ahead if we come in guns blazing, right?
Like we just like know that that's not how things work.
But if you come in like with a clear plan or with good ideas
and thoughtful ideas, I'm not saying that every Administration
will listen to them because they don't I've seen them been around
for years so they don't, but there's other ways to get your
word out. The word out to about got the
kind of things that you want to see, change in education using
different platforms and different press.
But I just feel like you should Have to wait till you're older
to develop leader or ship skills and to develop and to learn how
to lead be a leader in your own life.
That's like this idea of like being the CEO of your own life
is very important to me to teach because I think young people sit
a little passive and think that life is just happening to them
and they're being like forced to go to school and I have to do
this and I have to that but that's a very that's a very low.
Vibration way to be in the world if you think that like your day
is Is full of things like you have to do and when you don't
have a lot of choice. So I try to show them the shift
of, like, taking the ownership showing that you have a lot of
chances to, to advocate for yourself to lead to be in the
driver's seat of your own life. That's important to me.
I love that this week's episode is brought to you by teen
counseling. We talked about it in the intro,
but mental health treatment and therapy were a game changer for
me. When I was struggling with
severe depression and anxiety that was what really pulled me
out of my low and enabled me to take ownership of my life to use
skills, to improve my life to build healthy relationships and
so many different things. So, what teen counseling is, is
it is a branch of better help specifically for teenagers.
It's an online Therapy Program with a Teen licensed therapist
within the network and they offer support on things like
anxiety, depression, relationships, trauma, and more,
all via, talk text and video counseling.
So what you're going to do is you're going to go to teen
counseling.com, she persisted, and you're going to fill out a
quick survey about what you're hoping to work on.
So maybe that's cool stress, maybe that's time management,
maybe it's family relationships, whatever it is, you fill it out
on the survey, and they use the survey to match you with a
therapist that meets your needs from, there you'll go.
Ahead and enter a parents email for consent for treatment and
none of the information that you share on the survey is shared
with your parent. That is purely to match you with
the right therapist and they send a pretty nondescript email
to your parents saying, Sadie or whatever your name is, is hoping
to work with a therapist from Teen counseling.
Please click the link below to learn more and give consent and
I sent the email to myself. I try to you guys.
Don't worry and none of your information is disclosed that
confidentiality is protected. So this is an amazing resource.
And because it's talk text and video, you can have a therapist,
really meet you, where you're at and what level support you're
looking for. You don't have to deal with
waiting on a waiting list for months or weeks to meet with a
therapist and person. You don't have to deal with
going into the office for the first time and navigating that
awkwardness. I've been there, I understand.
So this is just a great solution all around.
So to start your therapy Journey today, head to teen
counseling.com says, she persisted.
So you talked about being the CEO of your own life.
It's a loaded question. I tend to ask a lot of those on
the podcast but if you could give like a really quick
masterclass on like two or three skills that you think are
crucial to that in a way that a teenager can apply that in their
life that be. If you're someone's like I want
to take more ownership, I have no idea where to start where do
they begin? I think the first thing would be
to take inventory or reflect on where you see the victim mindset
showing up in your life. Life.
So I mean I think even like looking at your language, right?
So how do you talk about your day?
How do you talk about your life? How do you?
So let's just take the big Flex them.
I got them acting like I'm like a kid using like the term, it's
not a flag of a graphic, not too great.
It's good job because I like don't I don't need to try to be
cool. Like I they can be cool.
I'm just helping him out but like when people think it's like
a flax to say how busy they are and how tired they are.
Are you okay? When they like oh my God I had
so much homework. I couldn't sleep.
Yeah I'm so tired. I'm so tired of my God, I'm so
tired. It's like I was a bullet.
So what I hear is like wow you have really bad time management
skills and it's a really poor self-care routine.
I don't hear. Oh my God, you're just so
amazing and you're so big, it's not cool.
I don't and so that is it. That's and that's an example of
to me, not being a CEO of your own life.
A Bo would never show up to the boardroom saying how tired they
were and how overwhelms they were.
That's not a power move. So like it's saying, like where
are you saying using language that you think is showing that
you're like, cool or you have a full light?
I don't know how to, I don't know, the best I'd terminology
for it but it's this idea of going like CEOs, don't talk like
that. CEOs, go.
It's really important that I'm able to show up for myself first
and then might the mission and the team.
So we're like I tell somebody be the CEO of your own life in
terms of your health. I mean, if people are out like
you're in college, I mean, I mean I mean rocking the
delusional, we know high schoolers drink, but if you're
out, binge drinking, if you're out, like, literally late and
you're doing things like, okay, whatever, like you're allowed to
do those kinds of thing. I mean legally, hopefully
whatever. But I mean, it's it's like
that's not a healthy choice for your body and for your mind, if
you're trying to be somebody or you're using language.
See, here's a deal cuz I'm getting a little like just bear
with me here. Here's a deal.
Your words and your actions have to line up if you really want to
just live a life that's like pretty amazing meaning if you're
talking about wanting to be like running your own company or
being the head of this or working for this thing or doing
like being in these like really like Were in Shaker positions in
your and eventually in your in the world.
But your actions on a daily basis and weekly basis are ones
of somebody who are that looked like, they'd be the behavior of
somebody who's, okay, living a mediocre life and being more
average than you're going to have a problem, you're going to.
So my thing is, like just lining it up and maybe you don't have
to have some big drastic overhaul but it can be like
small. It can be small changes think
about the things that you've been saying in your brain over
and over again. Maybe It sounds like you keep
telling yourself that you're going to eat healthier, or
you're going to wake up earlier or you're going to work out
three times a week, whatever your thing is but you don't do
it, that's not a CEO, CEO will do it.
So pick one thing that you everybody knows the one thing
that they're almost so sick and tired of telling themselves that
they're going to do and they haven't done it.
Pick that thing. Execute it, incorporate it into
your life for And then pick another thing and just slowly
start lining it up. It could be as easy as I tell
myself that I'm going to drink, you know, we're going to I'm
going to drink two, three bottles of water a day and then
maybe. Yeah.
And then you say that you never do it.
Maybe today is it a? You just drink the damn water,
just drink the water day so you can get that off of your list
that you you not keeping your own word to yourself.
Is is not does not do good things to your body.
And to your soul. If you are continuously
breaking, you're breaking your word to yourself.
That's not a good move now, you're like not prioritizing
your relationship. You're not respecting yourself.
You're not believing that you're worth doing that.
And I think two things at the what you're saying, really made
me think of one is like the idea that if you're not progressing
or depressing and if you're like okay I want to live this dream
life someday. Well you're on the trajectory.
So you're either like purposely going in the opposite direction
by having Habits making bad decisions or your slowly working
towards that point and you're like, yeah, maybe drinking my
three bottles of water everyday, doesn't seem like it, but if
you're dehydrated and you can't put any effort into anything
like you're going in the opposite direction.
And another thing that I really like that I think goes along
with this is the idea that like every moment is an opportunity
to recommit to your goals. If you like we get really stuck
in the mindset that like oh I didn't do my workout today, I'll
just start next week or I didn't drink my water today whatever.
Ever. A single moment is an
opportunity to recommit to this either larger goal or the
smaller goal and continue to get on that trajectory towards what
you're aiming for 100 percent. I mean that would we have his 11
tips for doing with one of them is it's a choice and there's
really you have so many chances to make choices.
Like let's say you have said that you're going to work out
today and you haven't but you really could do a 10-minute hit.
Work out in your room. You can break a spot in 10
minutes if you're doing a hit workout.
So, it's just doing those things following through.
And I think that, I think if I could teach young, especially
young women, because I think something that I struggled when
I was younger and as a teenager and as a young adult, is that a
lot of the, the work that I was doing, or the things I was
trying to make myself better, I thought I could motivate myself
to do those things through like negative.
Self-talk was almost, like I would bully myself into doing
those things or shame myself. Elf and to doing those things,
or if I didn't do something, I was like really hard on myself.
And so, then I'd like punish myself the next day with
something and I wish I would have learned younger that that's
not a sustainable behavior and not a loving Choice.
It can the, the fucked-up thing is that sometimes it actually
can get you results. But it doesn't have that what's
so hard about it. Yeah.
But they're not long-term sustainable.
What is is radically loving yourself and accepting yourself
through those things and really working on the positive?
Self-talk and my girls will sometimes like laugh because
I'll say like, oh yeah I look in the mirror sometimes and be like
like, you know it's been a rough one but like you got it.
Like you can do it like good job.
Like I will like do positive. It's not in my fake, it's very
honest for me. But that wasn't how I used to
be, I would actually look at myself and be very hard on
myself and think that if I, that if I would just the heart, like
the harder I was then the more I would improve.
And I, when I share this with the young people I work with, I
say, you have to think about it in terms of, have you ever
experienced or ever seen someone get bullied into more love for
themselves and better Behavior? Sure.
It doesn't go that Tick Tock Trend right now, though.
Is it? What is that?
Yeah, it's like so basically, it's all my gosh.
I wish I could remember the sound.
It's Like Only Love Hurts like this.
I think is the sound and it shows someone like really
unhappy before and then they do have this whole transfer.
It's like a breakup kind of thing.
So I guess it's not really like bullying bullying but it's like
that really negative experience and that like really -
relationship that like builds that growth.
But then I agree with you that like, when things are built out
of that like - Space is not long-lasting.
It's not sustainable, I guess if you're in like the after part
and you're like, I hate being treated this way.
I'm going to treat myself differently and then you like
have this radical self-love that allows you to have this personal
growth. I think that is totally valid
and could be really sustainable. But yeah, you also see young
people old people. It doesn't matter.
I don't think age has anything to do with it but women wanting
romantic Partners to show up in ways for them and talk to them
in ways that they don't. Don't show up for themselves or
talk to themselves, which is really interesting to dive into
and to just like, take take it, you know, to observe that women
will want their romantic partner to do, all these like things for
them and then say, all these things to them, but in the quiet
of their own home and in their own soul, they're not showing up
for themselves like that and they're not speaking to
themselves like that. And so then they put all their
like power into this. Other human.
And then, you see, really toxic codependent and healthy
relationships happening with young, women starting in high
school and I see it all the time and I see it all the time.
High school relationships are very toxic.
I don't think we talked about that enough.
They are not a good time. I mean there's anything is I
mean, like I said it being older.
I mean, I look back and I go, she's like those, those
relationships and those experiences in high school and
in college, they do form a lot of But they do make an impact.
So you really want to like handle what's happening there.
This is what you do. You Harriet immediately very
organic and AIDS ASAP. No it's totally, totally true.
I completely agree. I want to hear your perspective
on the connection between this like self-love this radical
self-acceptance. This self-esteem and Leadership
entrepreneurship. How you're showing up as others
view? You, do you think there's a
connection there if so what are the steps is 1/2?
To come before the other. What do you see?
I've been in yourself, or with the girls you're working with?
Well, yeah, I do. I mean, will hurt people, hurt
people. So we know that.
So if you're hurting and not in a level of like self love and
self exceptions, the chances are, you're probably hurting
other people. You're probably projecting that
pain that you're feeling that you're not addressing on to
other people. We see this happen all the time.
I've been a recipient of this, I've told the story many times,
but There was a girl that hosted an Instagram live.
The teenage girl that was just she was just tearing me apart
and talk about how ugly I am and like all these different things
and and other teen girls reached out to me and said, did you know
that they're there, she had you on us, the guests, know she was
upset because she didn't movie, I invited her on our podcast and
she knows she knows showed me. And then to told me that I mean
the day of the recording and she said when I reached out to her
she didn't get back to me for a couple days and then When she
reached out to me, she said you don't have a high fly high and
you didn't have a high enough follower count for me to make it
worth my time. And so, I use that as a
teachable moment in my community and went live on, on my
Instagram. And I said, here's a deal.
This is why that's a really bad choice to like, to be unto
stand. Somebody up based on a follower
account, like we put so much pressure and so much leverage
on. Like how many followers they
have? Did that.
That's not how you really like. Build a business.
That's not. I mean, anyway, I used it as a
teachable moment and there. I got so many people writing me
and saying, oh my gosh, I totally appreciate.
Thank you for saying this. I feel so much pressure with
this like follower count, whatever.
And while I didn't mention the girl's name, I did share her DM
and people could see her profile pic and they knew who it was.
I don't really care. I mean, I feel like if you like,
I don't know, you don't get to put people on blast and then not
take it yourself. If I don't, but I don't agree
with that. Like, if you're gonna like talk
smack about somebody, then they can have a chance respond and
her response that what she did was she went on a live and then
just like went to just pick me apart physically and everything.
So let's find mean whatever. I, the funny thing was that I
actually the teens reach out to me and told me this was
happening. And so, I logged on and I
watched it, that's kind of how funny it was.
As like, I actually watch somebody like tearing me apart
but what I knew for sure, was that girl was hurting because
hurt people, hurt people. All.
And that's she was embarrassed. I'm sure.
And she probably liked regretted that she had done what she did
but that my purpose was not to like it was more just to say,
like, people there's so much this pressure on this like
follower count and how you treat people matters.
There's like the energy that you put out there comes back to you
and disregarding somebody because of the follower count or
hey, you can choose not. If I don't want to come on your
podcast this morning, I could have messaged you in.
I said, I've changed my mind. I don't want to go, but you
don't stand somebody up. You don't like how do you sit
here and wait for that? That's not good.
We had audio issues the first time and I emailed you.
And I was like, I'm so sorry about the Apple Store.
Try to get a new cord. Like I didn't just like the I
let you know, yes, that that courtesy like, regardless like
you've committed and then there's a time commitment, you
have to honor like it's just you don't just disappear into thin
air and of course things happen. Like if there's like a huge
emergency and you fall off and I'm like, you're like I'm so
sorry totally I stare and that's actually I was concerned that
maybe Thing happened to her, right?
So then but then I saw her posting on her Instagram so I
knew she was like fine but long we got off on a tractor but I
was my point for that story was to say somebody who hosts a live
and the whole focus is to hurt them and to insult them in to
pick apart their body and all of that is hurting.
So we know that people that are healed, don't do that.
People that are love themselves and working on themselves, don't
do that. And so the connection and on if
that's like a really That was a really good example.
But I even I let's put it back on me and say in my life, okay?
When let's take, when I see sometimes I'm going to space
for, I'm very feeling, very good with where I am in my work in my
business and it's very easy for me to celebrate other people.
Sometimes I feel really insecure and I feel like I'm not enough
and I feel like I haven't done enough and I feel like It should
be bigger and better and further along and all of these things
and I feel and I feel insecure. Well, what does that look like?
What happens? Then I can sometimes like see
people's success and I feel jealous and I feel I'm and my
the then I start like, although never publicly because I'm
intelligent and having them know not to do that, but I'll hear my
inner voice being like. Yeah, but I like know that she's
like, blah, blah, blah, or at least I should, and I'm like,
oh, when I do that, it's my alert.
Eat to go. Oh Sarah, what do you need to
heal? Like, what's going on?
Because you're usually really good at being able to like, lift
somebody else up or advocate, for their success, or share,
their story and be like, check out my friend, she's doing this
and or it'll be okay. So that's how it can look like a
business or I can feel like really good in my romantic life
and then it's easy for me to celebrate other people.
And there's or if I'm feeling like that area of my life is,
Stagnant or doesn't look how I want.
I can start scrolling on Instagram and start feeling
really jealous think. Oh my God.
That's so obnoxious. Yeah, they're probably like, oh,
you think it's probably good. That's probably that's I use
that. That's my gauge is like, am I
able What to do, what is really is how I love to walk in the
world, which is to celebrate other people, lift other people
up. While also feeling really good
about my place in the world, that is where I like to.
That's how I like to flow. If I'm, if I'm feeling jealous
or if I'm feeling insecure, it shows up as jealousy.
And so, and then it shows up as me, kind of like its primary and
secondary emotions, I literally released an episode on Monday,
all about this. It was like a doozy.
It was a lot of Of information thrown at people.
But I touched on that. Exactly.
And people don't know to look for those things.
Like, they don't know that like, they're feeling jealousy.
Something else could be happening internally that they
haven't processed through. Yeah, I mean, somebody else can
be pretty and you can be pretty too, and somebody else could be
successful, the scarcity versus abundance like.
And then when I'm the same way, like I remember at the beginning
of the podcast, when I had like two reviews, the idea of writing
someone review that had the same number of reviews for as me
again. Oh no, like because then they'll
have more reviews than I do, or is now I'm like, I do not care.
If they have 30,000 more reviews and me, if I think they're doing
a great thing, I read review and it's like that scarcity versus
abundance thing. And it's like when you're
insecure you really do think like there's a scarce amount of
success that can be like divvied up among people and then when
you're like, feeling good, you're like know there's enough
to go around for everyone and I think I wish the education
system because that's I come back that a lot because that is
where our children. Aaron are spending most their
day 8 hours, 10 hours a day in a system and its education system.
We're not doing the best job equipping them with Tools
around. It'll be their emotional
intelligence and just building a toolbox because we're beating it
down that like grades grades grades AP is whatever whatever.
But where is that? Where is the toolkit to
understand? And be able to talk about these
kinds of things, you're feeling this way because the competition
is so intense and High School, Cool for like getting into the
school which is such bullshit. It's just such bullshit, but
whatever. Okay, so get that, if they were
to teach abundant mindset and that you can trust that, you
know, life will unfold in a way that serves you at your highest
good. Well, well, I think that people
make a lot of money off of our kids being stressed out.
You spend more money on test prep, you stumped, spend more
money on tutors. You spend more money on like
private coaches. You do all these different
things when they're stressed, if they were like, learning how to
regulate, Maybe they'd be maybe they people would make as much
money off of them. So, I just don't believe.
I do not believe that. All this talk about supporting
our youth mental health is really fully.
Grant is is really fully true operate very differently.
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We talked in the beginning about how having like distance from
struggle, brings a lot of insight.
If you could give a teenager, one piece of advice, like,
looking back on your teenage years working with teens.
Now, having that inside of being an adult, what would you say?
I used to get asked that question a lot.
I'd be asked and the kids built this business years ago with
called it was called sixteen-year-olds out.
I think it was about like what they go over and ask people to
question. Celebrities everybody what
advice would you give your 16 year old self and my my answer
used to be. He's not worth it because I was
very boy-crazy in high school and I spent a lot of time
worrying about what E and insert whatever boy's name.
You know, based on where it would school I was out of work.
I was doing what he was thinking about me and then letting that
determine how I felt about myself and I still would give
that advice because I still see people.
I still see boys and girls putting way too much weight into
what somebody else thinks about them and letting that letting
their opinion than to decide how they feel about themselves.
So I would definitely be like, he's not worth it, she's not
worth it. Anybody, whether it's like the
girl that's bullying you with a guy that you whatever, it's
like, they're just as people are like, not worth it because
they're not really going to be in your life later on because
you're in this like weird world for this time in your life and
this chapter of your life where you're forced to be around
people. I don't, I'm not forced to be
around anybody. Truly.
I mean, I'm really not because I run my own business.
If I don't want to work with you, I just don't work.
Video. You know, but it's cool like
you're forced to be in the hallways.
You're forced to be on there obviously.
Like you're assigned to a group project together and you're like
great. So there's a lot of like things
where you just want to say like oh my God, just get through it,
just get through it because it gets better for sure.
The other thing I would say is it's so cliche cuz I don't know
how I could have learned it. Because I know people were
helping you with this but like loving myself and Because people
thought I was people thought I was different than I was.
I was a popular girl. So I think people thought I had
some certain things, I kind of figured out that I didn't and I
was very insecure. I struggle with an eating
disorder. I also was a very social person
and I like I mean, it just there's a lot of things that I
was dealing with in high school went to three different high
schools, went to college prep school and then a public school
for a hot second. And then to boarding school was
bullied at boarding school. The Semester, pretty bad.
And so I also would want to, I also say to myself, like I was
really, really strong and resilient in ways that I
shouldn't have had to be. so, if anything I would say to my 16
year old self You should have pushed back more on those adults
that Administration that were not showing up for you and not
taking care of you. You should have pushed harder
because that, that is their job having.
But now that I'm an adult, and I've worked in education, I'm
disgusted by some of the choices that school administrations made
during my during my struggle. Because when you're younger, you
don't understand. The adult perspective, I'm the
adult. And it's horrific.
How adults do not show up for young people?
Because I see every I see it all now.
And I'm like, wait a second. A child came to you and say that
I came to them, and your response, was that like, I would
never do that as an advocate and as a teacher and as an adult So,
I think to the young people out there, that feel like the people
that the adults aren't listening or showing up for you, I really
understand that I've been there and you deserve better for sure.
Yeah, no, I remember the exact same thing and there's a lot of
parallels between our high school experiences.
I also did three different, high schools.
One was a private school when I was a boarding school and one
was public school. Wow, that's a huge similarity.
Isn't that crazy? Totally crazy.
Mine was a treatment boarding. School was not a fun time.
Also in a different way, but I remember the same experience
with high school administrations and trying to get support and
not feeling it. I had this one really good
friend. My freshman year, I was at
Attracting the energy. I put out all my friends were
like severely suicidals. Not a good friend group going on
and I remember him telling me that he had like attempted to
commit suicide and he had like continual plans going on in her
and we're going to guidance counselor and going to a teacher
and being like this is not okay, like he needs to be in a
hospital like today and they brought in the parents and the
parents were like, we don't think that's the right step and
no further steps were taken. So why was there like knowing
that this kid might not be there tomorrow?
Oh and he was deeply unhappy and deeply unsafe and there was no
support given. There was no further steps and I
was like what's going to happen there?
Like we don't know. Like we can't tell you, we can't
support you and this was a school was a private school with
immense amounts of funding. It wasn't like a public school
where there's like 30,000 kids and so it was it was a really
interesting experience and one that I look back on and it's
like kitchen have to shoulder that burden they shouldn't have
to deal with being someone else's like tree.
Event coordinator and being the sole person.
That is aware that someone struggling to that degree.
What's interesting that what I hear in that story is that
really sticks that really sticks out to me is that's that does
happen, 100% that a teen will tell another teen something and
you do feel that right? Like that's very common and then
the team goes to the goes to the Counselor, the teacher, the
teacher, the principal which in itself is scary because like,
then the relationship is like, put on the Rocks now.
Like I don't trust you, but you're like, I'm really scared
like I shouldn't have to deal with this.
I need to go to an adult, so like that and itself is like a
big step that's being taken. So you so that's but that's
normal. That is what happens that's
happening today. Right?
Now as a recording this, that's a kids going through that.
And then you go and you report and then they bring the parents
and all of that and they're dealing with that and they tell
you like what we do. We can't really help him right
now with figured out but you know, it's super missing and
that whole story is where was the adult that pulled you aside?
And said, let's process what? You just went through, let's
process, you hearing that information.
And then having to summon, you know, gather that courage to go
say something and how are you feeling knowing that like
actions not going to take in? Like we don't want you to carry
this. It's like let's let's pray.
Assess what you had to do, like, where is that support?
Because that's a lot for a young person, even in a, any human to
go through. And I just feel like We need
space and I we just need places and tool for people.
It's and and we need to put the funding towards Counseling in a
way. I mean, it's just there's so
much I could say about the systems, but I feel like even in
you sharing that it's like you are not also taken care of.
Because obviously the focus was on this child who had expressed
what he had shared with you but you also that's a weight that
you have carried when You have to be the you're monitoring your
doing that and I did that a lot. I would did that a lot growing
up is I would be the person that would like to, you know, be
around his people that were struggling in.
Then I would take on their things and I would lose myself
in it. And I would just, and people
would say to me, just stop getting involved or like I said,
leave it alone. It's not your business, but
that's not who I was. And he realized and it's life
and death like what person would just be like, sorry, don't tell
me that I'm not interested like it.
We take on a lot. I mean now it makes sense
because of the work that I do it was and it was very normal for
me. It was part of my personality to
care to be empathic to see that but like you the vibe attracts
the tribe, right? And I was not in the healthiest
place. I probably was not attracting
the healthiest Vibes attracted we're done right now.
Yeah, no, it's definitely very interesting and it's Yeah, I
know, it's something I felt very strongly about.
After I left the therapeutic boarding school.
I was like, I want a new school. I want a fresh start going back
to my old school where I had a tract at this tribe, that was
like this older version of me where I was severely struggling.
And then I suddenly was stable, and I was happy and I had things
to look forward to and I felt really good about my mental
health and I was like, I want a new group of friends that I can
attract with this new Vibe and not be back in this environment
that doesn't fit anymore. And I think that's something
that teens, a lot of the times, like, don't feel They can do
like again. It's that very, like, victim
mindset where you can't be the CEO of your life.
You can't make new relationships.
You can't make these changes because it doesn't feel like you
have a lot of autonomy, but you can no one's telling you like,
you have to be friends with the same people since preschool.
You know. One saying that maybe Society is
like well that's normal. But you don't have to and so
there's a lot of power that you hold you just have to realize it
and take ownership. Yeah and it's yeah I definitely
agree with other people for reasons and season.
Ins and lifetimes for sure. And when you change yourself,
you know, when you have your own when you are changing, then it
makes sense that you would want to be around different different
people. I think something else that I
want young people are people that are listening to pay
attention to around this. Like CEO concept is pay
attention. If you have people in your life
that when you're happy, or you feel good about yourself, they
don't really like that. So if you, I don't know why this
happens a lot with women, but if it's like if you feel good about
yourself, if you're like in a if you like like your body or you
just like whatever whatever is going on and you kind of put
that out and you don't chime in when other women are putting
themselves down, they don't really like that.
So there's that scene in Mean Girls for, they're all standing
in front of the mirror and they're like, all the girls
Those are like saying like how ugly they are and the Katie, the
one who's like their new friend, like doesn't say anything.
And you're like, why aren't you saying something?
And then she like ads on there like responding positively and
she's like, what is happening here?
Because they're all just attacking.
Yeah. Girl, in front of the mirror,
but it's like that, that whole Mark of their friendship.
And it's like, what is happening there?
Yeah, I get clear, I think if you want to be a CEO, you're
building a, you're building a business, okay?
You're building a brand. It's about your building a
brand. Then you got Clear on your
values and what like my top three values or faith, freedom,
and families. So everything, those are things
that I value the most. So everything goes into those
buckets or they don't. And we do, I don't do it, get
clear. And then the people that I
attract their values should line up to that because that would
just make sense. So I think getting clear on your
values getting clear on your mission statement, I would, you
know, be really fun to host a thing on this like getting young
people to with that means like create your own mission
statement. Moment in your life, to create
your own values and then live live accordingly.
And and it's a risky because you're probably going to have
people leave your life, but then it makes room for the right
people to come into your life. Yeah.
But if you're like building a business of your life, your
hiring team members higher, yes, clothes.
So you have to be critical about who you're allowing into your
life. You have to make sure that they
align with your values that they're fulfilling their
responsibilities. That you are fulfilling your
responsibilities in relation to them and so you have to kind of
hold yourself up to that. Standard.
You have to believe that you matter enough to care that much
about your life. And I would even say instead of
thinking about, you have to be critical, just be Discerning.
I think discernment is we don't talk about that.
Enough about being Discerning about what you consume like who
you follow on Instagram. What you watch on television or
Netflix or stream and like who you spend your time with think
about if you are at the age that you can drink.
I mean, I just feel like I have to like, put this caveat in
there, but no, but I'm also not stupid.
Bad. But you think about like, are
there people that only connect with you over when you drink
like that? All the memories that you have
of them are people when they're drinking when you're drinking or
when you're doing something that's like not your highest
vibration then. Is there any friendship?
There is any romantic relationship.
There is any depth there. If you remove the thing, whether
it's complaining, whether it's, you know, participating in
substances to like an abuse of, yeah, like whatever the thing is
the commiserating, the Do they always talk about hitting their
body? Yeah.
Like whatever these things are and then if you remove it, like
do guys, is there any there there?
And if there's not, thank you, you get one shot at this life.
Like and I mean, truly, we get one shot.
You've got to look around and be like the top five people.
You spend your time with. Are you cool with that?
Because if you are that what they're dominant personality
traits are yours, top five people are you liking it?
If not. pause and like, Very restructure, the team.
We structure the sea level. Absolutely, I couldn't agree
more. Well, there's so much great
advice in this episode that. I know so many teens are going
to find helpful. So many things, they can
Implement, which is something that I love sharing on the
podcast. Because it's not just these
abstract conversations. It's like, okay, now you go
implement the things. Restructure, your your top five,
or those the values, you're in alignment with what's the
mission statement. So thank you so much, Sarah for
Joining me today. Thank you for coming on.
She persisted. Where can people find you?
Where you can find me on Instagram at Miss, em ISS
underscore wit, wi T from there. You can kind of find all the
other things that I do. Because there's a length link
there to everything and love to connect with you and hear what
you got from this episode. And also if there's things that
I just feel like this is a bigger conversation, I'd love to
hear people chime in on just how what it looks like to be a CEO
in their life and how they're already doing things.
Because I think that would also inspire people to hear if you're
already kind of making those Moves In Your Life, share with
people how you're doing it. Because remember, I'm older than
all of you, most of you, I'm sure, listening.
And so it's really helpful. When peer-to-peer share how
they're doing it in the real time in a high school setting in
a college setting, it's easy, I'm not going to, it's easier
for me. Me to implement these things
because of the life that I've built, you know, and where my
life is right now, but help each other do these things because
they will end up really helping you.
When you get to my age, this clip will be on an Instagram
real. This is what you're watching
right now. So write it in the comments.
We want to know what it is. There you go, I love it.
Well, thank you again. I'm so glad we got to do this,
and I can't wait for the second half of this wop.
Thanks for having me. In case you skipped the and
Sarah and I had an amazing discussion talking about
becoming the CEO of your life. We discuss why leadership skills
are crucial for teens to develop how age and worth ethic are not
mutually. Exclusive.
The first steps you should take to take ownership of your life,
how your interactions with others?
Reflect how you treat yourself the importance of having a
strong mission statement when it comes to how you're leading your
life and building support systems.
If you enjoyed this week's episode, make sure to share with
a friend or family member chere. It on social media and tag me
at, she persisted podcast. I will repost and give you a
little shout-out. But yeah, thank you so much for
tuning in. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for downloading, thank you for the support.
It means the world to me and I'll see you next week.