Welcome to she persisted I'm your host Sadie Saxton a 19 year
old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of
Pennsylvania. She persisted is the Teen Mental
Health podcast made for teenagers by a team in each
episode. I'll bring you authentic
accessible and relatable conversations about every aspect
of mental Wellness. You can expect evidence-based,
Tina, proof resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT,
insights and education. In each piece of content, you
consume, she persisted Offers you a safe space to feel
validated and understood in your struggle.
While encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and
build your life worth living. So let's Dive In.
Hello hello and welcome back to another episode of she
persisted. I am so excited for today's
episode with Ashley she is just the best.
This conversation was so inspiring it.
Left me just so in all of her and all the wisdom that she
shared, and there are so many things from this episode, that I
will be implementing. And that will stay with me lock
after I've edited and put this episode out.
But before we dive into that, I had a thought that I wanted to
share with you guys and get your feedback on if you agree.
Disagree, Etc. But if Know about the 80/20
rule, or if you've seen those Tick-Tock swear, it's like this
my ad. This is my twenty, a lot of the
time, it's with like Fitness or diet, or lifestyle.
So, 80% of the time, you're putting in the work, you're
eating these Foods, you're exercising, you're staying
consistent 20%, you let loose, you're having fun, you're eating
the foods, you love your, your cheat days, whatever it is.
That's the way that I've most often heard about the 80/20
rule, and it kept thinking about how This would relate to mental
help, because I thought there had was, I just make a video,
like there has to be a way to adapt this to mental health.
And I was like, I think it's pretty simple and it's that 80%
of the time your routine relationships lifestyle mental
health has to be restored if and re-energizing and up list
lifting and moving in the upward trajectory and the 20% are the
challenging moments, the difficult conversations.
The Durability, the things that the negative thoughts, this the
Judgment, these other things that kind of tend to tear us
down a little bit, but if you have that 80%, you're moving in
that, right trajectory. And the 20% is, those other
things. You're in a pretty good spot.
You're moving in the right direction.
And so just kind of thinking about that idea and what that
means, and I'm thinking relationships, your
relationships help, you feel seen and validated and they, you
feel safe in them. And you, Feel understood and
heard and supported and held accountable.
And then the 20%, if you, that applies to relationships, maybe
it's an argument, maybe you have a difficult conversation, maybe
you give someone feedback, maybe someone gives you feedback, Etc.
Maybe you're really vulnerable and that's uncomfortable.
I'm always thinking about habits, but it's eighty percent
of the time, you're sticking to you sleep schedule, you're
getting outside. Maybe you're getting movement in
your consuming content that you enjoy your seeking to your
morning and night. Teen and then 20% of the time,
maybe you're sleeping in, maybe I had want to go outside today.
You have that give because we're not perfect, we need that
balance. I also think of like the
thoughts and beliefs systems and the idea of having that 80% of
the time that you feel confident and good about yourself as a
whole. The 20% is what her like, oh, I
don't love how I look today or I don't feel great about myself or
I wish this was different. Those negative thought patterns
or second-guessing yourself. If the Judgment a negative
belief, all of those kinds of things but really working to
keep that 80% and building that muscle of coping and a healthy
way and rewiring those thought patterns and affirmations
whatever it is. But yeah, I liked it adaptation
and I thought it was an interesting way to think about
that, balance and moving in the right direction.
While also not holding yourself to that level of perfection,
which none of us are capable of in any aspect of life.
But yeah, I thought that was interesting.
And if you guys have thoughts on it, Love to hear it.
But with that tangent out of the way, today's guest is Ashley
blend featherston Jenkins. She is a Netflix to our producer
content creator and graduate of Howard University.
She's also the host of the trials to Triumph podcast, on
the Oprah, Winfrey Network, or the OWN network, and this
episode, Ashley and I discuss everything from her background
in the entertainment industry. Her experience starting therapy.
We talk about redefining therapy so that it meets your needs
preventative mental health care. So, so, so much more just such
an amazing conversation. So inspiring, Ashley has the
best energy. And I just love this
conversation, so inspired, and I know you will too.
So as always, make sure to subscribe.
So you don't miss any upcoming episodes.
Follow on Instagram and Tech talk and actually persisted
podcast, and please leave a review for the podcast.
It helps me so much and I love seeing your guys's feedback.
So with that, let's dive in. Thank you so much for joining me
today, Ashley, I'm so excited to have you and she persisted.
Thanks for having me, of course, of course.
So so much work. Dive into in this conversation,
I can't wait. I'd love to start by hearing
your background, how you started working in entertainment and
then why you decided to start your own podcast.
Yeah, well I my gosh. Okay.
So I've been working in entertainment.
I've been in Los Angeles for almost 13 years, but I've been
acting professionally since I was 14, so it's a well-timed.
Yeah, oh my gosh, 20 years, 28 goodness professionally, but
I've been acting and Performing and singing and dancing, since I
was a very little girl, and I honestly, I was always that kid
who knew that she wanted to move to Los Angeles and be an actor.
You know, you know, everyone was like, I want to be an astronaut,
a dentist, a doctor and I was like an actor.
Don't look at me like Okay. Girl, and yeah.
So again a bulk of my experience has been the time that I've been
living in. Los Angeles, post College.
I graduated from Howard University where I got a MFA or
a BFA, I'm sorry. Wow, I just gave myself a
master's. I gotta I gotta be at the a
musical theater. I've been here ever since and
then you know for me my my I guess my fur a into, you know,
the mental health space really started.
To say probably around 2014 and maybe 2013 even and I honestly,
I had some friends, some friends that are older than me at the
time who were had started going to therapy and I was just like,
oh, that sounds cool. Like there was no real like
inciting incident necessarily that it happened in my life.
That that took me to therapy, it was really that I had friends
that were doing it and I was like, oh okay, that's it.
You guys seem like you're into it, let me try it, but at the
time, I couldn't really afford. The therapist so I was like I
didn't I didn't think I had insurance at that time and so
there's this amazing organization called the actors
fund and through the actors fund.
I was able to get weekly therapy for free and that changed
everything for me, you know, it became My peace, my sanity in
the week. It was it was a place of comfort
that I didn't know that I needed.
And you know, my first therapist I really it's she was a tough
act to follow but I only stopped going to her because she moved
and kind of went into therapy and education but she really set
the tone for what a therapist is like I remember we used to
always just have t, we shared T every session and it was like,
you know, Was our by, but we both sat there and really I was
able to really let everything out but most importantly I felt
really heard and I felt incredibly seen and so I've been
in therapy consistently ever since then and I am very
passionate about encouraging others.
Especially people of color to seek therapy because it's
life-changing. I completely agree and I'd love
to dive into that. But I first, I love what you
said about going into therapy before you get into like Crisis.
I need this as a resource. Source mode.
Because the biggest determinant of success in therapy is that
there are Pedic relationship, which you just highlighted.
And if you can build that Foundation before, you're in
crisis mode before, everything seems like it's falling apart
and you have that person, you can trust.
You have that person that, you know, gives good advice and
we'll support you. And we'll listen, it's a game
changer and it just puts you in such great shape to navigate
mental health challenges, that arise, which we all experience.
Yes. 1000%, you know, I Therapy weekly maintenance.
It's not you know it's like you get your car washed out because
anything is wrong with your car. You're just getting a car wash
because it deserves to be cleaned and sparkly and you'd
have to deal with dust and particles, whatever in your car
and, you know, bird poop. Look at it the exact same way.
It's, you know, it's a part of my life.
It's a part of enriching my life.
It's a part of making my life feel.
More. Honestly, I feel Freer doing
therapy. It's a, it's a practice of
self-expression every week or every bi-weekly, however, often
people go. But it's really important to
know that there's always a place for me to go and express myself
and be heard and be seen and also get guidance back from.
Yeah, someone who, you know, hopefully you have a good
therapist says, I'm judging you at all.
Ya know, there's just so many things.
Even if you're just going to therapy, you're interacting
someone with someone who's hopefully, very effective, your
learning scales with how to be more in a personally effective,
maybe advocate for yourself, you're seeing validation skills
and use that you then can transfer to your other
relationships. You're probably learning how to
manage emotions that arise and how to do that in a healthy way.
And like you mentioned it can be preventative mental health care
and it can be something that you put in place before you get into
that crisis mode. In addition to using therapies
of resource. When you do feel like everything
is falling apart and it's all about the relationship that you
of your therapist that you have with therapy, and that's what's
so great about it is, it's completely up to you how much
you want to dive into how little how much support you need.
Everything is is in your court and I had some therapist on a
couple of weeks ago and they said therapy is for everyone,
but not every therapist is for everyone and I loved that, I
think it's so true because therapy can be so subjective.
There's no way a Size fits all so if you're looking for
support, if you're looking for some guidance, there is a
therapist out there that can help you navigate the
challenges, you're experiencing 1000%.
Yeah, so I'd love to dive into your advocacy work for people of
color pursuing therapy, working on their mental health.
Why do you think that's so important?
Honestly, we just have a lot of trauma.
Yeah, there's ancestral trauma. There's current trauma and the
truth is the only way that we can prevent future trauma is, if
we start healing now, and I think the thing about people of
color, especially black people, people of African descent is
that like I said, we have a lot of ancestral trauma.
We have a lot of trauma that we don't even realize is ours.
We don't even realize why we feel a certain way or are
carrying things around with us because what we're thinking Is
nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.
I got a great job. I have a house.
I have my kids. I got my man or my whatever it
is. We have all we decide that we
have all these things. So I'm just having a bad day,
it'll pass. But the truth is which our body
but your mind what your spirit is trying to tell you is that
there's deeper issues that need healing.
And the other thing about trauma, that a lot of people
don't realize and, you know, this ties back in the end,
special trauma is that it's passed out.
You know, trauma lives in the body.
So it's unavoidable. If I don't, if I want children
and I don't heal within me things that need healing than my
children will have to deal with that.
Somebody's gonna have to deal with it.
Yeah. And so, I am a huge advocate for
us, learning to deal with it now, and here's the thing, it's
painful. It's not fun, it's not easy,
it's scary, it's dark, it's gross.
But there is light on the other side and I mean light and like
the actual like the literally DT the division of like light, but
I also mean like you are lighter, you're literally
lighter by releasing things that truly, we don't have to carry
anymore. And so, yeah, I just think it's
really important and for me, Like talking about it because I
want I want people to know that therapies.
Cool. The cool kids are going to
therapy. It's not this like weird walkie
like it's wonderful. Like if you're not in therapy
you're legitimately missing out like percent.
Yeah. And the people that you look up
to that you're like, wow they're so effective.
They know how to carry themselves, you know how to
advocate for themselves. They're they're compassionate.
They seem to have it all together.
Whether they probably have been in therapy at some point, are
there in therapy? Now, it's something that is so
helpful to utilize and I think what you just highlighted which
is so important is that minorities are at higher risk
for mental health issues, whether that's gender,
minorities racial minorities. And so we talked about
preventive mental health care. If you already know you're at
risk, which teenagers are the age demographic, that is most at
risk for developing mental health challenges.
If you are a female and you are at a higher risk, Developing
depression anxiety, Eating Disorders, body image issues.
If you are a person of color, you are at higher risk for
developing these things that as well.
So putting those resources, those support systems in place,
in case those challenges those symptoms do arise, you have
someone that can help you navigate through that.
And I think also just the the current media landscape that
we're living in. But you said that there's so
much trauma that's been experienced, I think there's
something to be said for the trauma, we're experiencing now.
Like we just went through. Ovid.
And the data showed that people of color were at higher risk of
mortalities from covid and not getting access to vaccines and
and having worse symptoms because of pre-existing
conditions. And there's all these acts of
violence that are all currently happening which is extremely
traumatic and overwhelming and like the the nervous system
can't keep up with that level of like awareness and overwhelm for
a long period of time. At some point you have to start
processing through those emotions and feeling them and
accepting that It's not normal to be operating at that level
constantly. Yeah, for sure.
But I you're a thousand percent, right.
But I also think that's why, you know therapy comes in various
forms so for me you know talking to my best friend's is therapy.
Yeah, talking to my husband just they're cuddling with my dog.
Diva is therapy spending time with my family is therapy but
the thing with All of the thing about all the things that I just
named, is that in order to get what you need from, all of these
people, you have to open up. You have to allow yourself to be
vulnerable and let people in and let people know that you need
support. And I think the thing that I'm
learning that I got major key in life.
Is, you know they say like you have to teach people how to
treat you and that's very true. But you also have to allow
people to do. So you know I can set a standard
for how I want to be treated and not allow you say need to come
in and do that for me, I still have I still have the my guard
up a still have a boundary up, that doesn't really need to be
there. I think, you know, part of me
being in my 30s, now is that I'm realizing the boundaries are
really important. But what's more important than
having boundaries is really being intentional about who you
put the boundaries up for and when and why like you can't just
have boundaries like there's no rules around the boundaries, you
know. Yes you have to be very clear
about them because if you're not then you might be shutting out
people and experiences that could really really help you and
be and be there in service to you and your growth and whatever
you may need in that in that season of your life.
Absolutely. Especially if you're the kind of
person who's like, the boundaries are up.
You have to like learn the boundaries going down rather
than like the boundaries are down until the boundaries go up
because Something's Happened just being super aware of that
and intentional and over time, exposing yourself to more
vulnerabilities, more moments, of being honest, expressing
those emotions and being able to show up in your relationships is
huge. Yes, for sure.
Today's episode is brought to you by teen counseling.
You guys hear me? Talk about them almost every
week. We love teen counseling.
We love therapy and that's pretty much what this episode
with is. About.
So I had to share teen counseling with you.
Teen counseling is better helps branch of their online Therapy
Program, but for teenagers. So they have over 14,000
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They offer talk text and video counseling all from your home.
It's a great way to start therapy without having to
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You get matched with a therapist based on what you're hoping to
work on, and it's a very a simple streamlined process to
get into therapy and get that support with a really quick
turnaround time. So if you would like to try teen
counseling, you can go to teen counseling.com.
She persisted, you are going to fill out a survey.
About what you're hoping to work on, they will match you.
The therapist that specializes in that area.
If you're under 18, you will give a parents email to give
consent for treatment. Not of your information.
Is disclosed hip has enacted but they sent a vague email for
consent for treatment and payment and then you start
meeting with a therapist. So to start your therapy Journey
or meet New therapist, you can head to teen counseling.com.
She persisted again, that is teen counseling.com she
persisted. I'd love to hear about your
experience with therapy. Did you feel that there is any
stigma towards getting into therapy towards pursuing?
That, are you hearing that from others?
Is a concern after you've been so transparent about going to
therapy or do you think that that's not something that's as
much of an issue anymore? Well, I started going to
therapy. I mean almost 10 years ago so
It's a little dip even, but even then, I also have to take into
account. I live in Los Angeles and I'm
around a whole bunch of entertainers.
So it is a part of our world and has been a part of our world for
a long time. But I will say, most of my
friends who do not live in California and I'm really more.
So at the time, not so much now, but therapy.
It wasn't the same Vibe about therapy, right?
But now, I would say that like, Like I said, the we get it.
The cool kids are in therapy, everybody wants to be in
therapy, you know, therapy is where it's at and and there's so
many ways to, to get therapy. Like it's not just you have to
go into the office and sit down with somebody for an hour.
And you know, you're laying down in the Catholic.
You it doesn't it doesn't have to be that there's ways to do it
virtually. There's ways to do it where you
don't even ever have to see your therapist.
There's ways to do it, if you don't want your therapist even
say anything. And you can just get Eating off
your chest, you host cast? Yeah.
It's basically there are so many ways to seek and receive therapy
now and I'm really happy about that.
But everybody in my Orbit is down with the get-down of
therapy. I think the only people that are
still a little resistant to it are just people in and older
generations and I get it it's not it, it was a different thing
for that. It was looked at much
differently and I 1000% give Grace to Ward to Ward them for
that, but what therapy looked like for them?
At that time, period was like a whole different experience, like
ice picks up the nose, in the hospital, for the rest of your
life. So, like no wonder, there's a
little bit of pushback with, like this whole new movement
because it's a completely different ballgame.
I mean, even just the worst shrink which is such a, you
know, we don't use the word shrink, no, he's talking about
going to a shrink, it's actually a A derogatory term, yeah to use
in my opinion, but just even that work, it doesn't, I don't
want to go see a shrink like that.
It sounds like yeah, right, so, yeah, II 1000%, give Grace for
that. Yeah, I think the only times
that I see resistance towards therapy it's less of like
Society needs to continue to normalize it.
It's more like if like the person themselves like maybe
they could benefit from Being in therapy but there's that
resistance that work hasn't been done where they're like maybe I
do need help or maybe I could use support or maybe this isn't
normal and it's okay to ask for help it's more like that
personal work and those personal belief systems tied to it and
less an issue of like therapy is something that lots of people
get. It's a type of Medical Care.
Yeah. It's and it's really amazing to
see that difference because we've made so much progress in
that realm. I agree.
So talk to me about your podcast and these conversations That
you're having with people what have been some of your most
impactful takeaways from sitting down with so many amazing
individuals. Oh my goodness, oh my podcast.
Trials to triumph which is a known original podcast.
It is just truly the biggest blessing in my life.
I am having just genuine intimate conversations with so
many people that I admire and I feel like I have so much to say
particularly as it pertains to their Journeys and for me, I
find that so much inspiration comes from just knowing about
the trials and the triumphs in one's journey.
And so that's what I'm exploring each and every week.
And, you know, the gyms that I've received Our Endless Sadie.
Honestly. I've never felt more encouraged
seen inspired grounded. Lifted, which is crazy because
you can feel grind it and lift it at the same time.
Hundred percent. Yeah.
But I said that, I was like, oh wow, that's kind of cool.
Yeah, I just, you know, I've learned so much about grief and
how to handle it. I've learned so much about joy
and how to enjoy joy and also have to feel pain at the same
time. That's okay.
Life is like that. Sometimes, you know, I I'm one
of those people that would kind of You know, get down on myself
if I was having what seemingly everybody else thought should be
a really good day for me. And I wasn't feeling that way
but we all experienced that and that's very normal.
You know the challenge is what do you do with it?
How do you still find gratitude for the day?
That was kind of like weird and confusing and you had a mix of
emotions. Okay.
Just find the Gratitude in it. So yeah I mean yeah I mean every
conversation there Thing that blows my mind honestly and truly
there's something that gives me pause in the best way.
That's awesome. I would love to hear obviously,
huge question basically asking you to boil down your life
story, but a trial and a Triumph that you've had either.
Recently were the two that first come to mind that that have
happened in your own life. Yeah.
I mean honestly I think my husband and I are good example,
you know, Darryl and I were friends for a really long time
and had a bit of a situation ship type of thing going on and
within that, there were a lot of Trials, there was a lot of
confusion. There was a lot of Anger and
disappointment, and pain and, you know, all of those things,
but we Rose from it triumphantly. and I think and I
think the beauty of it, you know, when I were married and
have almost been married for a year and have a house and a dog
and all the things that were literally couldn't be better,
but I think what our relationship has taught me is
that The only way, the Triumph really means something and can
Inspire others, as if you went through a trial to get their
triumphs don't appear out of nowhere.
I can't just wake up and having having not been through anything
and be like, I feel triumphant how it works, you're in the
valley, and then you reach the summit, you reach the peak of
the mountain. And you say, I am triumphant, I
started all the way down there. And I made it up here and now I
can see everything that I was worried.
I was going to do it to make it up this mountain to see.
And now I see it all and I'm so grateful for how difficult this
truck was. Because it got me here.
And that is Ultimately the greatest trials to Triumph story
of my life and it gave me the love of my life that will create
everything that I've always wanted in.
Life will come from my relationship of Daryl being the
foundation. And so, again, I really, all I
can say is just, I am so incredibly grateful for
everything we've been through and it's crazy because it in
while you're in it. You don't have that perspective.
Yeah. You know I'm in a season of my
life right now where I'm like, obsessed with retrospect.
I think retrospect is so freaking cool because it's like
to have the ability to look back and be like, oh my gosh, look
like what like if I could have only seen now but that's the
thing about like you can't see where you're headed, you can't
see it in the literal sense, but you can see it in the spiritual
sense, you can see where your life is.
Added where your purpose is leading you, but the truth is
even within that you don't really know.
Yeah, you know, really know but what I would encourage everybody
to do is lean into that. There's excitement in that,
everybody, I'm care what people say, we all love a surprise.
Everybody people that say I hate surprises and for everyone who
says that is why I get that like a precious is no way especially
if it's a good surprise who Wouldn't want to walk out of
their house and be surprised with their dream car.
Nobody in the world would say, they don't want that and it's
the same with life. You have to keep that same type
of excitement for what could be around the corner and this is
something I'm having to tell myself all the time but
especially in this season of my life saying where so much is
unknown. Yeah, but if I even reference
the like that I have right now and knowing where I came from, I
know that I'm going to have to be okay.
Okay, and again, going back to trials to Triumph.
That's what every conversation is about.
Yeah, if you could give a piece of advice to someone who is like
really in their trial season. Right now, there's so much
unknown. They have no idea what Triumph
is going to come out on the other side.
What would you say? I would say a few things.
One do things that make you happy?
That's in your control. Yeah and I know that sounds may
be daunting but it could be some You know, for me when I'm
feeling low and confused, I go get frozen yogurt, I enjoy it.
It makes me happy. It makes me smile.
It tastes amazing again or it could be, you know what?
I'm going to find a really cheap flight deal and go somewhere and
just sit on a beach and have a piña colada.
Like, you know, so I would say that do things that make you
happy because that is in your control.
Second thing I would say is, Is perhaps what the universe is
encouraging. You to do is to Pivot, maybe so
much energy that you're focusing on something and in and not
really knowing what's on the other side and it's causing even
society. And all of those things where
you put the universe's is trying to say is Do something else in
the meantime, something wrong with that thing is we're all
multi-hyphenate. We just have to decide what the
hype with the hyphens are, but we're all multi-hyphenate.
None of us are just one thing. And then the third thing I would
say is, Really, if you haven't already, figure out your why,
and what I mean by your, why is why you're here?
And I really want to say this for anyone that's ever
contemplated suicide. Thought about not wanting to be
here anymore. I really want to say, we want to
tell you, you are here for a reason, the task is to figure
out why and I'm not going to act like that cannot feel like a
daunting task at times. But we're all here for a purpose
and we're all here for good. Should we should be choose to do
something that's not for good, that's on us but we were all put
here for good and so I would just encourage you to figure out
your why your purpose why you're here.
And if you figure that out, then the unknowns don't matter as
much because you know where you're headed.
You don't know when you're going to get there.
But again that's the excitement about surprises.
It's gonna come you. You know, when but I promise you
it will come. Yeah, no.
I love what you're saying about it being the journey and not the
destination, and planning, those moments of joy to being those
things that make you happy. You're able to enjoy the interim
and joy the unknown because you've created a life that is
enjoyable. Even if your understanding like
this is not the destination, I'm not done yet.
I'm still building things in my life that are really important
to me, but this life that I'm currently living as it's worth
living and enjoyable. Oil, and I feel supported and
validated and all of those things today's episode is
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Yeah. And I'll tell you say, I want to
say this to you yesterday, I watched the Jennifer Lopez
documentary halftime on Netflix. Have you seen it?
I haven't, I really want to. I've heard.
Okay, thanks it. So first of all, It was a
different vibe than I than I thought it was going to be.
And I mean that in the sense that I thought I was going to be
Dislike highlight reel, all movie montage.
Yeah, yeah. Of all this amazing stuff that
J.Lo has done is just like this, you know, dreamlike dream
career. And the truth is the documentary
was basically Jennifer Lopez it her episode of Trials to
Triumph. That's basically what it was.
You got to have her on now, it's Jennifer if you're listening
please I have sure she's not people to my podcast but all
will manifest ever know. Maybe a me and Max hurt her
kids, maybe they're laughing, you never know.
Anyway, but I take away from it was that even when Society, the
outside world, your family, your friends, even when they don't
get it, whatever it is that you have to offer that you are
offering. Keep going because it doesn't
matter. All that matters is that you
know what you have to offer, you know what your hyphenates are?
You know what your purpose is? And I just thought it was so
beautiful to see Jennifer say that at 50 years old, I can't
believe she's 50. She likes cannot believe she's
50. It also makes me feel like, oh
my God, I'm going to be 50. But know it you have a long way.
All, I'm just I'm going from 34 to 50 tonight but it to see her
living her best life at 50. Truly made me sit there while I
was getting my hair done while I was getting my hair done.
I said Ashley you have to relax. Yeah like it really is true.
The Best Is Yet To Come Sadie. You're in college.
Right College was one of the best times of my life.
It I mean I felt like college was the Pinnacle.
It gets better. This is so much better than
College. Oh my God, with all the bills
and responsibilities and the thing and the this and the bad
and the bottom of why it's better.
So keep going. Yeah, the last thing I want to
ask you about is gratitude retrospection.
Is that something that always came naturally to you?
Or did you have to build this practice of gratitude, build
this practice of appreciation and if so your tips for
listeners that Are struggling to kind of cultivate that
perspective. Oh, yeah, well, I will say, I
think it. Yes, it always came pretty
naturally to me, but also say I was in a season of my life,
probably my early 20s, like my early La days and I was just ran
down. Like, it was so hard, like it
was Difficult to keep my head above water.
I was just exhausted and sad and confused and scared and
frustrated. And Matt, like, I was all of the
things. I didn't really know how to get
out and it was suggested to me that I focus more on gratitude,
which at the time seemed like, what do you mean?
I am grateful. But the thing about gratitude
and about sunshine is that they're both instant mood
lifters when I was a little girl and I would be sad or
frustrated. All the things I just named, my
dad would tell me to go outside and rub some sunshine on my
face. And I still do it to this day.
It truly sometimes. All you need is to stick your
head out of the window go outside and just stand and find
the sun it litter. It's it's a proven fact that it
will lift your mood. So same with gratitude.
How can you be mad when you're writing down all of the
blessings that you have in your life?
And the thing is that there's going to be somebody that's
listening to this. It's going to say but I don't
have any blessings in my life. I don't have anything to be
happy about. There is nothing going, I have
nothing going for me. And for me, I look at it as like
if you even have the breath in the energy to say that that is a
blessing. Yeah.
If you have a pen to write that down, that's a blessing like in.
And also perspective is such a big thing.
Whatever you feel like you don't have somebody has less of it
period period. You were never the lowest you
were also never the highest, right?
So if you realize that then it's like oh I'm not doing so bad but
what I would say to encourage people who want to delve in more
delve more into a positivity and gratitude practice, what I do.
Because I'm really down gratitude jars.
So get a jar doesn't have to have a top.
I like for mine to have a lid and a clear.
Drive needs to be clear. And what I would challenge you
to do is every day, write down something that you are grateful
for write the date and write something down.
Now, here's the thing. Some days, it's going to be I
got a bonus check for ten thousand dollars.
That's a big thing. Yes, other days.
It's going to be my ankle doesn't hurt as bad today.
I'm grateful for that. It might be my brother.
Let me do my podcast and peace today.
Only interrupted one time, instead of help, you know, it
might be like, you know, I had enough money for gas today, it
Whatever It Is, there is something and it.
Teaches you a trains. Your mind that there's always
good in the midst of what feels like that.
There's always good. And so what I what you do is you
put something in every day. I'll let you do it.
I do it every year. But for some people, whatever
you want to do it for a month and just see how it goes and at
the end of the year, I dump it all out.
And when you go through your year, you're like, wow, wow, I
there were so many blessings. So many, wonderful things
happened to me. And what I find this most
interesting is that typically when I go through my gratitude
ride, the end of the year, most of the things I put in our about
other people. It's not it's not about me, it's
I had a great podcast with this wonderful interview with this
wonderful young lady named Sadie she really touched me or you
know, I saw my neighbor, you know, that her car got fix.
I had been broken for it. Three months, I'm really happy
about. I'm grateful that that happened
to her and that shows you that you're really on the right path.
So get a gratitude jar and get into the daily practice of being
grateful, for something, at least one thing every day, I
love that so much and it's something that's very possible
to implement. It's a something you can add to
your night routine, your morning routine.
And I also think for people like you mentioned that are
struggling with that hope - that suicidal, ideation that.
Why having that perspective of how much other people are
impacting, you think about how much you're likely impacting
them and yes, being that moment that they're so grateful for and
being that moment that made their day.
And I think that's something that that gives you a lot of
Hope and and adds to that. Why?
Even if it's not the full reason it's something?
Yeah, I love that. Well, if people want to listen
to your podcast, if they want to watch your show all of the
things, where can they continue to?
Consume your content. Oh okay.
So if you want to listen to podcast we are available any.
And everywhere you can find us on Instagram at trials to
Triumph spod. Let's see.
If you want to watch my show. Dear white people.
Sadly, we have no more seasons coming, which I know people
somehow missed that, but you can catch all four seasons still
available on Netflix. I'm on a show called Grand Cru
which is on NBC. You can catch all of those
episodes of in DC or Hulu and I'm I'm coming to run the world
which is a show on Starz sometime this year so that's
happening to them. So look out for that.
Yeah all of those will be in the show notes.
Thank you so much for sitting down with me.
I'm so glad of course, thank you Sadie, I appreciate it.
Of course, of course. Thank you so much for listening
to this week's episode of she persisted.
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persisting and I'll see you next week.