1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:04,100 Welcome to she persisted I'm your host Sadie Saxton a 19 year 2 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:07,000 old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,300 Pennsylvania. She persisted is the Teen Mental 4 00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:13,800 Health podcast made for teenagers by a team in each 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,300 episode. I'll bring you authentic 6 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:18,500 accessible and relatable conversations about every aspect 7 00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:21,500 of mental Wellness. You can expect evidence-based, 8 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,200 Tina, proof resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT, 9 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:28,200 insights and education. In each piece of content, you 10 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,600 consume, she persisted Offers you a safe space to feel 11 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,700 validated and understood in your struggle. 12 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,300 While encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and 13 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,800 build your life worth living. So let's Dive In. 14 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,500 Hello hello and welcome back to another episode of she 15 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,600 persisted. I am so excited for today's 16 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,800 episode with Ashley she is just the best. 17 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,200 This conversation was so inspiring it. 18 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:54,200 Left me just so in all of her and all the wisdom that she 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,800 shared, and there are so many things from this episode, that I 20 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,500 will be implementing. And that will stay with me lock 21 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,900 after I've edited and put this episode out. 22 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:06,600 But before we dive into that, I had a thought that I wanted to 23 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,000 share with you guys and get your feedback on if you agree. 24 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,900 Disagree, Etc. But if Know about the 80/20 25 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,300 rule, or if you've seen those Tick-Tock swear, it's like this 26 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,900 my ad. This is my twenty, a lot of the 27 00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:20,400 time, it's with like Fitness or diet, or lifestyle. 28 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,200 So, 80% of the time, you're putting in the work, you're 29 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,100 eating these Foods, you're exercising, you're staying 30 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:30,400 consistent 20%, you let loose, you're having fun, you're eating 31 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,900 the foods, you love your, your cheat days, whatever it is. 32 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:37,000 That's the way that I've most often heard about the 80/20 33 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:41,900 rule, and it kept thinking about how This would relate to mental 34 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,500 help, because I thought there had was, I just make a video, 35 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:48,600 like there has to be a way to adapt this to mental health. 36 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:53,100 And I was like, I think it's pretty simple and it's that 80% 37 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:58,200 of the time your routine relationships lifestyle mental 38 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:02,800 health has to be restored if and re-energizing and up list 39 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:07,400 lifting and moving in the upward trajectory and the 20% are the 40 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,000 challenging moments, the difficult conversations. 41 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:14,500 The Durability, the things that the negative thoughts, this the 42 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,000 Judgment, these other things that kind of tend to tear us 43 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,300 down a little bit, but if you have that 80%, you're moving in 44 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:25,600 that, right trajectory. And the 20% is, those other 45 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,100 things. You're in a pretty good spot. 46 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,400 You're moving in the right direction. 47 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:32,700 And so just kind of thinking about that idea and what that 48 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,300 means, and I'm thinking relationships, your 49 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,500 relationships help, you feel seen and validated and they, you 50 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:42,200 feel safe in them. And you, Feel understood and 51 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,800 heard and supported and held accountable. 52 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,800 And then the 20%, if you, that applies to relationships, maybe 53 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,000 it's an argument, maybe you have a difficult conversation, maybe 54 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,800 you give someone feedback, maybe someone gives you feedback, Etc. 55 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,000 Maybe you're really vulnerable and that's uncomfortable. 56 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,000 I'm always thinking about habits, but it's eighty percent 57 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,100 of the time, you're sticking to you sleep schedule, you're 58 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,500 getting outside. Maybe you're getting movement in 59 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,900 your consuming content that you enjoy your seeking to your 60 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:13,000 morning and night. Teen and then 20% of the time, 61 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,600 maybe you're sleeping in, maybe I had want to go outside today. 62 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,400 You have that give because we're not perfect, we need that 63 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,000 balance. I also think of like the 64 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,600 thoughts and beliefs systems and the idea of having that 80% of 65 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:29,600 the time that you feel confident and good about yourself as a 66 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,100 whole. The 20% is what her like, oh, I 67 00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:36,000 don't love how I look today or I don't feel great about myself or 68 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,100 I wish this was different. Those negative thought patterns 69 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:42,300 or second-guessing yourself. If the Judgment a negative 70 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,600 belief, all of those kinds of things but really working to 71 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,000 keep that 80% and building that muscle of coping and a healthy 72 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,900 way and rewiring those thought patterns and affirmations 73 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:55,600 whatever it is. But yeah, I liked it adaptation 74 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,100 and I thought it was an interesting way to think about 75 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,200 that, balance and moving in the right direction. 76 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,900 While also not holding yourself to that level of perfection, 77 00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,800 which none of us are capable of in any aspect of life. 78 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,700 But yeah, I thought that was interesting. 79 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,300 And if you guys have thoughts on it, Love to hear it. 80 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,000 But with that tangent out of the way, today's guest is Ashley 81 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,200 blend featherston Jenkins. She is a Netflix to our producer 82 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,899 content creator and graduate of Howard University. 83 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:24,200 She's also the host of the trials to Triumph podcast, on 84 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:28,400 the Oprah, Winfrey Network, or the OWN network, and this 85 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,800 episode, Ashley and I discuss everything from her background 86 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,800 in the entertainment industry. Her experience starting therapy. 87 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,100 We talk about redefining therapy so that it meets your needs 88 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:40,700 preventative mental health care. So, so, so much more just such 89 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:43,300 an amazing conversation. So inspiring, Ashley has the 90 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,800 best energy. And I just love this 91 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,500 conversation, so inspired, and I know you will too. 92 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,500 So as always, make sure to subscribe. 93 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,300 So you don't miss any upcoming episodes. 94 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,300 Follow on Instagram and Tech talk and actually persisted 95 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,800 podcast, and please leave a review for the podcast. 96 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,200 It helps me so much and I love seeing your guys's feedback. 97 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,900 So with that, let's dive in. Thank you so much for joining me 98 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,500 today, Ashley, I'm so excited to have you and she persisted. 99 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,200 Thanks for having me, of course, of course. 100 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,100 So so much work. Dive into in this conversation, 101 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,300 I can't wait. I'd love to start by hearing 102 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:18,000 your background, how you started working in entertainment and 103 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,700 then why you decided to start your own podcast. 104 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,200 Yeah, well I my gosh. Okay. 105 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,000 So I've been working in entertainment. 106 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,700 I've been in Los Angeles for almost 13 years, but I've been 107 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:32,800 acting professionally since I was 14, so it's a well-timed. 108 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,300 Yeah, oh my gosh, 20 years, 28 goodness professionally, but 109 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:39,000 I've been acting and Performing and singing and dancing, since I 110 00:05:39,008 --> 00:05:42,100 was a very little girl, and I honestly, I was always that kid 111 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,800 who knew that she wanted to move to Los Angeles and be an actor. 112 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,800 You know, you know, everyone was like, I want to be an astronaut, 113 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,300 a dentist, a doctor and I was like an actor. 114 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:53,400 Don't look at me like Okay. Girl, and yeah. 115 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,100 So again a bulk of my experience has been the time that I've been 116 00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:59,000 living in. Los Angeles, post College. 117 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,500 I graduated from Howard University where I got a MFA or 118 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,700 a BFA, I'm sorry. Wow, I just gave myself a 119 00:06:05,707 --> 00:06:08,400 master's. I gotta I gotta be at the a 120 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,300 musical theater. I've been here ever since and 121 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:17,500 then you know for me my my I guess my fur a into, you know, 122 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,900 the mental health space really started. 123 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:27,100 To say probably around 2014 and maybe 2013 even and I honestly, 124 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:30,200 I had some friends, some friends that are older than me at the 125 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:35,400 time who were had started going to therapy and I was just like, 126 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,500 oh, that sounds cool. Like there was no real like 127 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:41,200 inciting incident necessarily that it happened in my life. 128 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:45,100 That that took me to therapy, it was really that I had friends 129 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,000 that were doing it and I was like, oh okay, that's it. 130 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,500 You guys seem like you're into it, let me try it, but at the 131 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:53,700 time, I couldn't really afford. The therapist so I was like I 132 00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:56,800 didn't I didn't think I had insurance at that time and so 133 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,400 there's this amazing organization called the actors 134 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000 fund and through the actors fund. 135 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:08,300 I was able to get weekly therapy for free and that changed 136 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:15,200 everything for me, you know, it became My peace, my sanity in 137 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:21,400 the week. It was it was a place of comfort 138 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,900 that I didn't know that I needed. 139 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:27,300 And you know, my first therapist I really it's she was a tough 140 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,500 act to follow but I only stopped going to her because she moved 141 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,600 and kind of went into therapy and education but she really set 142 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,900 the tone for what a therapist is like I remember we used to 143 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:42,300 always just have t, we shared T every session and it was like, 144 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:47,100 you know, Was our by, but we both sat there and really I was 145 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,000 able to really let everything out but most importantly I felt 146 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,700 really heard and I felt incredibly seen and so I've been 147 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:56,000 in therapy consistently ever since then and I am very 148 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,900 passionate about encouraging others. 149 00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:03,100 Especially people of color to seek therapy because it's 150 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,800 life-changing. I completely agree and I'd love 151 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,400 to dive into that. But I first, I love what you 152 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,700 said about going into therapy before you get into like Crisis. 153 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,700 I need this as a resource. Source mode. 154 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:17,000 Because the biggest determinant of success in therapy is that 155 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,400 there are Pedic relationship, which you just highlighted. 156 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,000 And if you can build that Foundation before, you're in 157 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,000 crisis mode before, everything seems like it's falling apart 158 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600 and you have that person, you can trust. 159 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,400 You have that person that, you know, gives good advice and 160 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,100 we'll support you. And we'll listen, it's a game 161 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:36,100 changer and it just puts you in such great shape to navigate 162 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,100 mental health challenges, that arise, which we all experience. 163 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:44,700 Yes. 1000%, you know, I Therapy weekly maintenance. 164 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:49,100 It's not you know it's like you get your car washed out because 165 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,600 anything is wrong with your car. You're just getting a car wash 166 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,300 because it deserves to be cleaned and sparkly and you'd 167 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,300 have to deal with dust and particles, whatever in your car 168 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:01,500 and, you know, bird poop. Look at it the exact same way. 169 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,200 It's, you know, it's a part of my life. 170 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,400 It's a part of enriching my life. 171 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,200 It's a part of making my life feel. 172 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,600 More. Honestly, I feel Freer doing 173 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,900 therapy. It's a, it's a practice of 174 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:21,800 self-expression every week or every bi-weekly, however, often 175 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,900 people go. But it's really important to 176 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:30,100 know that there's always a place for me to go and express myself 177 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:34,900 and be heard and be seen and also get guidance back from. 178 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,500 Yeah, someone who, you know, hopefully you have a good 179 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,100 therapist says, I'm judging you at all. 180 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,600 Ya know, there's just so many things. 181 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,700 Even if you're just going to therapy, you're interacting 182 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:47,300 someone with someone who's hopefully, very effective, your 183 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:50,100 learning scales with how to be more in a personally effective, 184 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,800 maybe advocate for yourself, you're seeing validation skills 185 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,000 and use that you then can transfer to your other 186 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,300 relationships. You're probably learning how to 187 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,500 manage emotions that arise and how to do that in a healthy way. 188 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,500 And like you mentioned it can be preventative mental health care 189 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,400 and it can be something that you put in place before you get into 190 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,300 that crisis mode. In addition to using therapies 191 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:13,200 of resource. When you do feel like everything 192 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,100 is falling apart and it's all about the relationship that you 193 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,700 of your therapist that you have with therapy, and that's what's 194 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:22,500 so great about it is, it's completely up to you how much 195 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,700 you want to dive into how little how much support you need. 196 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:29,000 Everything is is in your court and I had some therapist on a 197 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:33,000 couple of weeks ago and they said therapy is for everyone, 198 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,900 but not every therapist is for everyone and I loved that, I 199 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,900 think it's so true because therapy can be so subjective. 200 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,600 There's no way a Size fits all so if you're looking for 201 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,100 support, if you're looking for some guidance, there is a 202 00:10:46,108 --> 00:10:48,200 therapist out there that can help you navigate the 203 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,100 challenges, you're experiencing 1000%. 204 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,400 Yeah, so I'd love to dive into your advocacy work for people of 205 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,600 color pursuing therapy, working on their mental health. 206 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,100 Why do you think that's so important? 207 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,300 Honestly, we just have a lot of trauma. 208 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:11,200 Yeah, there's ancestral trauma. There's current trauma and the 209 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,700 truth is the only way that we can prevent future trauma is, if 210 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:18,700 we start healing now, and I think the thing about people of 211 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:23,200 color, especially black people, people of African descent is 212 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,500 that like I said, we have a lot of ancestral trauma. 213 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,000 We have a lot of trauma that we don't even realize is ours. 214 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,300 We don't even realize why we feel a certain way or are 215 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,500 carrying things around with us because what we're thinking Is 216 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,300 nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. 217 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,800 I got a great job. I have a house. 218 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,400 I have my kids. I got my man or my whatever it 219 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,000 is. We have all we decide that we 220 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,200 have all these things. So I'm just having a bad day, 221 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:53,900 it'll pass. But the truth is which our body 222 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,900 but your mind what your spirit is trying to tell you is that 223 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:00,400 there's deeper issues that need healing. 224 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,100 And the other thing about trauma, that a lot of people 225 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,400 don't realize and, you know, this ties back in the end, 226 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,100 special trauma is that it's passed out. 227 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,700 You know, trauma lives in the body. 228 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,300 So it's unavoidable. If I don't, if I want children 229 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:20,300 and I don't heal within me things that need healing than my 230 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,500 children will have to deal with that. 231 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,000 Somebody's gonna have to deal with it. 232 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,100 Yeah. And so, I am a huge advocate for 233 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:32,400 us, learning to deal with it now, and here's the thing, it's 234 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:36,900 painful. It's not fun, it's not easy, 235 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,400 it's scary, it's dark, it's gross. 236 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:44,000 But there is light on the other side and I mean light and like 237 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:50,700 the actual like the literally DT the division of like light, but 238 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:56,500 I also mean like you are lighter, you're literally 239 00:12:56,500 --> 00:13:00,800 lighter by releasing things that truly, we don't have to carry 240 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,800 anymore. And so, yeah, I just think it's 241 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,300 really important and for me, Like talking about it because I 242 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:09,600 want I want people to know that therapies. 243 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,100 Cool. The cool kids are going to 244 00:13:12,108 --> 00:13:16,400 therapy. It's not this like weird walkie 245 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,200 like it's wonderful. Like if you're not in therapy 246 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,100 you're legitimately missing out like percent. 247 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,200 Yeah. And the people that you look up 248 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,600 to that you're like, wow they're so effective. 249 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,400 They know how to carry themselves, you know how to 250 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,000 advocate for themselves. They're they're compassionate. 251 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:33,900 They seem to have it all together. 252 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,600 Whether they probably have been in therapy at some point, are 253 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,300 there in therapy? Now, it's something that is so 254 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,500 helpful to utilize and I think what you just highlighted which 255 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,900 is so important is that minorities are at higher risk 256 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,200 for mental health issues, whether that's gender, 257 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,300 minorities racial minorities. And so we talked about 258 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,500 preventive mental health care. If you already know you're at 259 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:58,300 risk, which teenagers are the age demographic, that is most at 260 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,400 risk for developing mental health challenges. 261 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,400 If you are a female and you are at a higher risk, Developing 262 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,100 depression anxiety, Eating Disorders, body image issues. 263 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:11,300 If you are a person of color, you are at higher risk for 264 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,200 developing these things that as well. 265 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,700 So putting those resources, those support systems in place, 266 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,200 in case those challenges those symptoms do arise, you have 267 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,600 someone that can help you navigate through that. 268 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,500 And I think also just the the current media landscape that 269 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,700 we're living in. But you said that there's so 270 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,900 much trauma that's been experienced, I think there's 271 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,600 something to be said for the trauma, we're experiencing now. 272 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,300 Like we just went through. Ovid. 273 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:37,300 And the data showed that people of color were at higher risk of 274 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,900 mortalities from covid and not getting access to vaccines and 275 00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:43,700 and having worse symptoms because of pre-existing 276 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,200 conditions. And there's all these acts of 277 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,200 violence that are all currently happening which is extremely 278 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,500 traumatic and overwhelming and like the the nervous system 279 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:58,100 can't keep up with that level of like awareness and overwhelm for 280 00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,500 a long period of time. At some point you have to start 281 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,500 processing through those emotions and feeling them and 282 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,600 accepting that It's not normal to be operating at that level 283 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,700 constantly. Yeah, for sure. 284 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,100 But I you're a thousand percent, right. 285 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,700 But I also think that's why, you know therapy comes in various 286 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:23,300 forms so for me you know talking to my best friend's is therapy. 287 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,900 Yeah, talking to my husband just they're cuddling with my dog. 288 00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:32,800 Diva is therapy spending time with my family is therapy but 289 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,100 the thing with All of the thing about all the things that I just 290 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:40,700 named, is that in order to get what you need from, all of these 291 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:46,100 people, you have to open up. You have to allow yourself to be 292 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:49,200 vulnerable and let people in and let people know that you need 293 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,800 support. And I think the thing that I'm 294 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,800 learning that I got major key in life. 295 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,200 Is, you know they say like you have to teach people how to 296 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:03,400 treat you and that's very true. But you also have to allow 297 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:08,000 people to do. So you know I can set a standard 298 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:12,700 for how I want to be treated and not allow you say need to come 299 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:17,300 in and do that for me, I still have I still have the my guard 300 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:20,200 up a still have a boundary up, that doesn't really need to be 301 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,900 there. I think, you know, part of me 302 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,700 being in my 30s, now is that I'm realizing the boundaries are 303 00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:26,700 really important. But what's more important than 304 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:30,200 having boundaries is really being intentional about who you 305 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,000 put the boundaries up for and when and why like you can't just 306 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,500 have boundaries like there's no rules around the boundaries, you 307 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:37,900 know. Yes you have to be very clear 308 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,700 about them because if you're not then you might be shutting out 309 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:45,400 people and experiences that could really really help you and 310 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:50,000 be and be there in service to you and your growth and whatever 311 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,200 you may need in that in that season of your life. 312 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,200 Absolutely. Especially if you're the kind of 313 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,300 person who's like, the boundaries are up. 314 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,800 You have to like learn the boundaries going down rather 315 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,600 than like the boundaries are down until the boundaries go up 316 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,400 because Something's Happened just being super aware of that 317 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,400 and intentional and over time, exposing yourself to more 318 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,099 vulnerabilities, more moments, of being honest, expressing 319 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:14,099 those emotions and being able to show up in your relationships is 320 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,200 huge. Yes, for sure. 321 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,400 Today's episode is brought to you by teen counseling. 322 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,300 You guys hear me? Talk about them almost every 323 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,700 week. We love teen counseling. 324 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,099 We love therapy and that's pretty much what this episode 325 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:25,800 with is. About. 326 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,400 So I had to share teen counseling with you. 327 00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,900 Teen counseling is better helps branch of their online Therapy 328 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,900 Program, but for teenagers. So they have over 14,000 329 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:38,100 licensed therapist within their Network that work specifically 330 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,700 with teenagers on things like anxiety, depression, 331 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,900 relationships, trauma and so much more. 332 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,200 They offer talk text and video counseling all from your home. 333 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,200 It's a great way to start therapy without having to 334 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,000 navigate going into an office or being on a waitlist. 335 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,700 You get matched with a therapist based on what you're hoping to 336 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:57,500 work on, and it's a very a simple streamlined process to 337 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,300 get into therapy and get that support with a really quick 338 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,700 turnaround time. So if you would like to try teen 339 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,800 counseling, you can go to teen counseling.com. 340 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,300 She persisted, you are going to fill out a survey. 341 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,100 About what you're hoping to work on, they will match you. 342 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,200 The therapist that specializes in that area. 343 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,000 If you're under 18, you will give a parents email to give 344 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,000 consent for treatment. Not of your information. 345 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,300 Is disclosed hip has enacted but they sent a vague email for 346 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,700 consent for treatment and payment and then you start 347 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:25,000 meeting with a therapist. So to start your therapy Journey 348 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,600 or meet New therapist, you can head to teen counseling.com. 349 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,800 She persisted again, that is teen counseling.com she 350 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,300 persisted. I'd love to hear about your 351 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,000 experience with therapy. Did you feel that there is any 352 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:41,100 stigma towards getting into therapy towards pursuing? 353 00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,200 That, are you hearing that from others? 354 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,800 Is a concern after you've been so transparent about going to 355 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,100 therapy or do you think that that's not something that's as 356 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,700 much of an issue anymore? Well, I started going to 357 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:54,200 therapy. I mean almost 10 years ago so 358 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,600 It's a little dip even, but even then, I also have to take into 359 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,600 account. I live in Los Angeles and I'm 360 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,100 around a whole bunch of entertainers. 361 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:08,600 So it is a part of our world and has been a part of our world for 362 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,400 a long time. But I will say, most of my 363 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,600 friends who do not live in California and I'm really more. 364 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,500 So at the time, not so much now, but therapy. 365 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,900 It wasn't the same Vibe about therapy, right? 366 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:26,800 But now, I would say that like, Like I said, the we get it. 367 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,000 The cool kids are in therapy, everybody wants to be in 368 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,000 therapy, you know, therapy is where it's at and and there's so 369 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,400 many ways to, to get therapy. Like it's not just you have to 370 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,400 go into the office and sit down with somebody for an hour. 371 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,900 And you know, you're laying down in the Catholic. 372 00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:46,100 You it doesn't it doesn't have to be that there's ways to do it 373 00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,400 virtually. There's ways to do it where you 374 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,600 don't even ever have to see your therapist. 375 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,000 There's ways to do it, if you don't want your therapist even 376 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,900 say anything. And you can just get Eating off 377 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,500 your chest, you host cast? Yeah. 378 00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:06,200 It's basically there are so many ways to seek and receive therapy 379 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,600 now and I'm really happy about that. 380 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,400 But everybody in my Orbit is down with the get-down of 381 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,100 therapy. I think the only people that are 382 00:20:14,108 --> 00:20:18,500 still a little resistant to it are just people in and older 383 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:24,100 generations and I get it it's not it, it was a different thing 384 00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:25,800 for that. It was looked at much 385 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,000 differently and I 1000% give Grace to Ward to Ward them for 386 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,400 that, but what therapy looked like for them? 387 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,600 At that time, period was like a whole different experience, like 388 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,800 ice picks up the nose, in the hospital, for the rest of your 389 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,600 life. So, like no wonder, there's a 390 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:44,300 little bit of pushback with, like this whole new movement 391 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,500 because it's a completely different ballgame. 392 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:50,100 I mean, even just the worst shrink which is such a, you 393 00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:53,100 know, we don't use the word shrink, no, he's talking about 394 00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:56,600 going to a shrink, it's actually a A derogatory term, yeah to use 395 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:01,400 in my opinion, but just even that work, it doesn't, I don't 396 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,800 want to go see a shrink like that. 397 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:10,700 It sounds like yeah, right, so, yeah, II 1000%, give Grace for 398 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:12,900 that. Yeah, I think the only times 399 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:16,200 that I see resistance towards therapy it's less of like 400 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,300 Society needs to continue to normalize it. 401 00:21:19,308 --> 00:21:23,700 It's more like if like the person themselves like maybe 402 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,000 they could benefit from Being in therapy but there's that 403 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,100 resistance that work hasn't been done where they're like maybe I 404 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:33,100 do need help or maybe I could use support or maybe this isn't 405 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:35,800 normal and it's okay to ask for help it's more like that 406 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,900 personal work and those personal belief systems tied to it and 407 00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:42,100 less an issue of like therapy is something that lots of people 408 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,300 get. It's a type of Medical Care. 409 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:46,900 Yeah. It's and it's really amazing to 410 00:21:46,908 --> 00:21:49,400 see that difference because we've made so much progress in 411 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:50,800 that realm. I agree. 412 00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:54,700 So talk to me about your podcast and these conversations That 413 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:57,200 you're having with people what have been some of your most 414 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,500 impactful takeaways from sitting down with so many amazing 415 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,600 individuals. Oh my goodness, oh my podcast. 416 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,700 Trials to triumph which is a known original podcast. 417 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:11,700 It is just truly the biggest blessing in my life. 418 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:16,700 I am having just genuine intimate conversations with so 419 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:20,800 many people that I admire and I feel like I have so much to say 420 00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:24,700 particularly as it pertains to their Journeys and for me, I 421 00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:28,900 find that so much inspiration comes from just knowing about 422 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,600 the trials and the triumphs in one's journey. 423 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,300 And so that's what I'm exploring each and every week. 424 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:41,600 And, you know, the gyms that I've received Our Endless Sadie. 425 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:47,000 Honestly. I've never felt more encouraged 426 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:54,000 seen inspired grounded. Lifted, which is crazy because 427 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,000 you can feel grind it and lift it at the same time. 428 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,400 Hundred percent. Yeah. 429 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,100 But I said that, I was like, oh wow, that's kind of cool. 430 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:07,000 Yeah, I just, you know, I've learned so much about grief and 431 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,400 how to handle it. I've learned so much about joy 432 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:16,100 and how to enjoy joy and also have to feel pain at the same 433 00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:17,900 time. That's okay. 434 00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:21,500 Life is like that. Sometimes, you know, I I'm one 435 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:25,200 of those people that would kind of You know, get down on myself 436 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,300 if I was having what seemingly everybody else thought should be 437 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,300 a really good day for me. And I wasn't feeling that way 438 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,800 but we all experienced that and that's very normal. 439 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:37,600 You know the challenge is what do you do with it? 440 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,900 How do you still find gratitude for the day? 441 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,600 That was kind of like weird and confusing and you had a mix of 442 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,400 emotions. Okay. 443 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,000 Just find the Gratitude in it. So yeah I mean yeah I mean every 444 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,100 conversation there Thing that blows my mind honestly and truly 445 00:23:56,100 --> 00:24:00,000 there's something that gives me pause in the best way. 446 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:03,300 That's awesome. I would love to hear obviously, 447 00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:06,500 huge question basically asking you to boil down your life 448 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:09,500 story, but a trial and a Triumph that you've had either. 449 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:13,100 Recently were the two that first come to mind that that have 450 00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:16,500 happened in your own life. Yeah. 451 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:21,600 I mean honestly I think my husband and I are good example, 452 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:27,300 you know, Darryl and I were friends for a really long time 453 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,200 and had a bit of a situation ship type of thing going on and 454 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,400 within that, there were a lot of Trials, there was a lot of 455 00:24:34,408 --> 00:24:38,800 confusion. There was a lot of Anger and 456 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,900 disappointment, and pain and, you know, all of those things, 457 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:47,500 but we Rose from it triumphantly. and I think and I 458 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,000 think the beauty of it, you know, when I were married and 459 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,500 have almost been married for a year and have a house and a dog 460 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:56,100 and all the things that were literally couldn't be better, 461 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,100 but I think what our relationship has taught me is 462 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:07,500 that The only way, the Triumph really means something and can 463 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:10,900 Inspire others, as if you went through a trial to get their 464 00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:13,400 triumphs don't appear out of nowhere. 465 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,500 I can't just wake up and having having not been through anything 466 00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:23,600 and be like, I feel triumphant how it works, you're in the 467 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,600 valley, and then you reach the summit, you reach the peak of 468 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,100 the mountain. And you say, I am triumphant, I 469 00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:35,800 started all the way down there. And I made it up here and now I 470 00:25:35,808 --> 00:25:39,000 can see everything that I was worried. 471 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,200 I was going to do it to make it up this mountain to see. 472 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,200 And now I see it all and I'm so grateful for how difficult this 473 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,400 truck was. Because it got me here. 474 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,500 And that is Ultimately the greatest trials to Triumph story 475 00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:57,400 of my life and it gave me the love of my life that will create 476 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000 everything that I've always wanted in. 477 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,500 Life will come from my relationship of Daryl being the 478 00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:08,200 foundation. And so, again, I really, all I 479 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,500 can say is just, I am so incredibly grateful for 480 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:14,200 everything we've been through and it's crazy because it in 481 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,100 while you're in it. You don't have that perspective. 482 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,000 Yeah. You know I'm in a season of my 483 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,500 life right now where I'm like, obsessed with retrospect. 484 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:26,000 I think retrospect is so freaking cool because it's like 485 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:30,800 to have the ability to look back and be like, oh my gosh, look 486 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,500 like what like if I could have only seen now but that's the 487 00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:37,600 thing about like you can't see where you're headed, you can't 488 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,900 see it in the literal sense, but you can see it in the spiritual 489 00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:45,500 sense, you can see where your life is. 490 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,800 Added where your purpose is leading you, but the truth is 491 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,000 even within that you don't really know. 492 00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:56,000 Yeah, you know, really know but what I would encourage everybody 493 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,000 to do is lean into that. There's excitement in that, 494 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,700 everybody, I'm care what people say, we all love a surprise. 495 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:09,800 Everybody people that say I hate surprises and for everyone who 496 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,200 says that is why I get that like a precious is no way especially 497 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,700 if it's a good surprise who Wouldn't want to walk out of 498 00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:18,700 their house and be surprised with their dream car. 499 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:21,300 Nobody in the world would say, they don't want that and it's 500 00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:24,400 the same with life. You have to keep that same type 501 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,300 of excitement for what could be around the corner and this is 502 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:30,500 something I'm having to tell myself all the time but 503 00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:34,300 especially in this season of my life saying where so much is 504 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:38,400 unknown. Yeah, but if I even reference 505 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:43,600 the like that I have right now and knowing where I came from, I 506 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,500 know that I'm going to have to be okay. 507 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,700 Okay, and again, going back to trials to Triumph. 508 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,100 That's what every conversation is about. 509 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,800 Yeah, if you could give a piece of advice to someone who is like 510 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,100 really in their trial season. Right now, there's so much 511 00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:01,200 unknown. They have no idea what Triumph 512 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,000 is going to come out on the other side. 513 00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:05,800 What would you say? I would say a few things. 514 00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:08,500 One do things that make you happy? 515 00:28:08,900 --> 00:28:13,400 That's in your control. Yeah and I know that sounds may 516 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:17,700 be daunting but it could be some You know, for me when I'm 517 00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:23,200 feeling low and confused, I go get frozen yogurt, I enjoy it. 518 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,100 It makes me happy. It makes me smile. 519 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,900 It tastes amazing again or it could be, you know what? 520 00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:33,900 I'm going to find a really cheap flight deal and go somewhere and 521 00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:38,100 just sit on a beach and have a piña colada. 522 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:41,300 Like, you know, so I would say that do things that make you 523 00:28:41,300 --> 00:28:43,300 happy because that is in your control. 524 00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:49,000 Second thing I would say is, Is perhaps what the universe is 525 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,800 encouraging. You to do is to Pivot, maybe so 526 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,100 much energy that you're focusing on something and in and not 527 00:28:56,100 --> 00:28:59,100 really knowing what's on the other side and it's causing even 528 00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:01,300 society. And all of those things where 529 00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:05,800 you put the universe's is trying to say is Do something else in 530 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:10,100 the meantime, something wrong with that thing is we're all 531 00:29:10,100 --> 00:29:12,300 multi-hyphenate. We just have to decide what the 532 00:29:12,300 --> 00:29:15,100 hype with the hyphens are, but we're all multi-hyphenate. 533 00:29:15,100 --> 00:29:18,100 None of us are just one thing. And then the third thing I would 534 00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:24,700 say is, Really, if you haven't already, figure out your why, 535 00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:27,900 and what I mean by your, why is why you're here? 536 00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:32,800 And I really want to say this for anyone that's ever 537 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:40,900 contemplated suicide. Thought about not wanting to be 538 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:45,100 here anymore. I really want to say, we want to 539 00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:50,800 tell you, you are here for a reason, the task is to figure 540 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:55,700 out why and I'm not going to act like that cannot feel like a 541 00:29:55,700 --> 00:30:01,800 daunting task at times. But we're all here for a purpose 542 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:06,200 and we're all here for good. Should we should be choose to do 543 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:10,000 something that's not for good, that's on us but we were all put 544 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,600 here for good and so I would just encourage you to figure out 545 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,100 your why your purpose why you're here. 546 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,900 And if you figure that out, then the unknowns don't matter as 547 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:22,800 much because you know where you're headed. 548 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,400 You don't know when you're going to get there. 549 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,400 But again that's the excitement about surprises. 550 00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:31,500 It's gonna come you. You know, when but I promise you 551 00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:33,500 it will come. Yeah, no. 552 00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,400 I love what you're saying about it being the journey and not the 553 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,600 destination, and planning, those moments of joy to being those 554 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,100 things that make you happy. You're able to enjoy the interim 555 00:30:43,100 --> 00:30:45,900 and joy the unknown because you've created a life that is 556 00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:47,800 enjoyable. Even if your understanding like 557 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,300 this is not the destination, I'm not done yet. 558 00:30:50,300 --> 00:30:53,400 I'm still building things in my life that are really important 559 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:57,400 to me, but this life that I'm currently living as it's worth 560 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,800 living and enjoyable. Oil, and I feel supported and 561 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:04,000 validated and all of those things today's episode is 562 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,000 brought to you by saqqara. So, the car is a nutrition 563 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,700 company that focuses on overall, Wellness, starting with what you 564 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,300 eat. They are plant-based, organic 565 00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:13,600 non-GMO gluten-free, all of the things and they offer both meal 566 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:17,400 delivery services, so they deliver ready to eat. 567 00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,800 Amazing. Delicious, gourmet meals to your 568 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,200 door. You can check out their menu on 569 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,700 their website and see what's coming up for the next couple of 570 00:31:23,700 --> 00:31:26,200 weeks and they also sell Wellness Essentials. 571 00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:29,800 My two favorites, check out our their course, Drops, you can all 572 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,300 the benefits of chlorophyll, but it doesn't add like that gross 573 00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:33,900 greens powder. Taste your water. 574 00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,600 It tastes just like normal water, which I love about their 575 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,400 chlorophyll drops and my other favorite of theirs is there 576 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,800 granolas. They are amazing. 577 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,100 Delicious, I add them on some Greek yogurt or with berries. 578 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,600 They are a great way to start your day and get extra nutrients 579 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,400 in while also having a delicious breakfast. 580 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,800 So you should check out both of those. 581 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,800 You can go to the link in today's show notes and use code. 582 00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:58,100 XO Sadie at checkout for 20% off your first order. 583 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:00,900 When Lincoln Today's Show notes or use codec. 584 00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:03,900 So City at checkout for 20% off your first order. 585 00:32:04,100 --> 00:32:06,100 Yeah. And I'll tell you say, I want to 586 00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:10,200 say this to you yesterday, I watched the Jennifer Lopez 587 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:14,300 documentary halftime on Netflix. Have you seen it? 588 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:15,600 I haven't, I really want to. I've heard. 589 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:20,900 Okay, thanks it. So first of all, It was a 590 00:32:20,908 --> 00:32:23,600 different vibe than I than I thought it was going to be. 591 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,700 And I mean that in the sense that I thought I was going to be 592 00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:30,600 Dislike highlight reel, all movie montage. 593 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,200 Yeah, yeah. Of all this amazing stuff that 594 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,600 J.Lo has done is just like this, you know, dreamlike dream 595 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,800 career. And the truth is the documentary 596 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:45,600 was basically Jennifer Lopez it her episode of Trials to 597 00:32:45,608 --> 00:32:47,600 Triumph. That's basically what it was. 598 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,600 You got to have her on now, it's Jennifer if you're listening 599 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,500 please I have sure she's not people to my podcast but all 600 00:32:55,800 --> 00:33:00,000 will manifest ever know. Maybe a me and Max hurt her 601 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,100 kids, maybe they're laughing, you never know. 602 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:08,600 Anyway, but I take away from it was that even when Society, the 603 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:14,600 outside world, your family, your friends, even when they don't 604 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,800 get it, whatever it is that you have to offer that you are 605 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,900 offering. Keep going because it doesn't 606 00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:24,500 matter. All that matters is that you 607 00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:29,500 know what you have to offer, you know what your hyphenates are? 608 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,100 You know what your purpose is? And I just thought it was so 609 00:33:33,100 --> 00:33:40,100 beautiful to see Jennifer say that at 50 years old, I can't 610 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:42,100 believe she's 50. She likes cannot believe she's 611 00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:44,400 50. It also makes me feel like, oh 612 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:49,100 my God, I'm going to be 50. But know it you have a long way. 613 00:33:49,900 --> 00:33:56,800 All, I'm just I'm going from 34 to 50 tonight but it to see her 614 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:05,700 living her best life at 50. Truly made me sit there while I 615 00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:07,400 was getting my hair done while I was getting my hair done. 616 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:15,199 I said Ashley you have to relax. Yeah like it really is true. 617 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,600 The Best Is Yet To Come Sadie. You're in college. 618 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:25,400 Right College was one of the best times of my life. 619 00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:29,600 It I mean I felt like college was the Pinnacle. 620 00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:34,800 It gets better. This is so much better than 621 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,000 College. Oh my God, with all the bills 622 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,500 and responsibilities and the thing and the this and the bad 623 00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:42,000 and the bottom of why it's better. 624 00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:47,500 So keep going. Yeah, the last thing I want to 625 00:34:47,507 --> 00:34:50,500 ask you about is gratitude retrospection. 626 00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:53,900 Is that something that always came naturally to you? 627 00:34:53,900 --> 00:34:57,100 Or did you have to build this practice of gratitude, build 628 00:34:57,100 --> 00:35:00,400 this practice of appreciation and if so your tips for 629 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:04,800 listeners that Are struggling to kind of cultivate that 630 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,900 perspective. Oh, yeah, well, I will say, I 631 00:35:07,900 --> 00:35:10,400 think it. Yes, it always came pretty 632 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:15,100 naturally to me, but also say I was in a season of my life, 633 00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:21,400 probably my early 20s, like my early La days and I was just ran 634 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:28,700 down. Like, it was so hard, like it 635 00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:34,200 was Difficult to keep my head above water. 636 00:35:34,300 --> 00:35:39,900 I was just exhausted and sad and confused and scared and 637 00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:43,700 frustrated. And Matt, like, I was all of the 638 00:35:43,700 --> 00:35:46,700 things. I didn't really know how to get 639 00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:55,800 out and it was suggested to me that I focus more on gratitude, 640 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,900 which at the time seemed like, what do you mean? 641 00:35:58,900 --> 00:36:03,600 I am grateful. But the thing about gratitude 642 00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:09,000 and about sunshine is that they're both instant mood 643 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,900 lifters when I was a little girl and I would be sad or 644 00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:15,700 frustrated. All the things I just named, my 645 00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:18,100 dad would tell me to go outside and rub some sunshine on my 646 00:36:18,100 --> 00:36:20,600 face. And I still do it to this day. 647 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,900 It truly sometimes. All you need is to stick your 648 00:36:23,900 --> 00:36:27,000 head out of the window go outside and just stand and find 649 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,600 the sun it litter. It's it's a proven fact that it 650 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,400 will lift your mood. So same with gratitude. 651 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:38,100 How can you be mad when you're writing down all of the 652 00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:39,600 blessings that you have in your life? 653 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,400 And the thing is that there's going to be somebody that's 654 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,500 listening to this. It's going to say but I don't 655 00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:48,200 have any blessings in my life. I don't have anything to be 656 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,500 happy about. There is nothing going, I have 657 00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:56,400 nothing going for me. And for me, I look at it as like 658 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,700 if you even have the breath in the energy to say that that is a 659 00:36:59,707 --> 00:37:01,100 blessing. Yeah. 660 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,400 If you have a pen to write that down, that's a blessing like in. 661 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,100 And also perspective is such a big thing. 662 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,600 Whatever you feel like you don't have somebody has less of it 663 00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:18,700 period period. You were never the lowest you 664 00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:22,000 were also never the highest, right? 665 00:37:22,100 --> 00:37:27,500 So if you realize that then it's like oh I'm not doing so bad but 666 00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:31,800 what I would say to encourage people who want to delve in more 667 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:36,400 delve more into a positivity and gratitude practice, what I do. 668 00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:39,200 Because I'm really down gratitude jars. 669 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,900 So get a jar doesn't have to have a top. 670 00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:46,100 I like for mine to have a lid and a clear. 671 00:37:46,100 --> 00:37:49,200 Drive needs to be clear. And what I would challenge you 672 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,500 to do is every day, write down something that you are grateful 673 00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:54,900 for write the date and write something down. 674 00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:58,700 Now, here's the thing. Some days, it's going to be I 675 00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:01,300 got a bonus check for ten thousand dollars. 676 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,500 That's a big thing. Yes, other days. 677 00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:07,000 It's going to be my ankle doesn't hurt as bad today. 678 00:38:07,700 --> 00:38:12,800 I'm grateful for that. It might be my brother. 679 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,800 Let me do my podcast and peace today. 680 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,800 Only interrupted one time, instead of help, you know, it 681 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:24,900 might be like, you know, I had enough money for gas today, it 682 00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:28,100 Whatever It Is, there is something and it. 683 00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:32,900 Teaches you a trains. Your mind that there's always 684 00:38:32,900 --> 00:38:36,200 good in the midst of what feels like that. 685 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:40,400 There's always good. And so what I what you do is you 686 00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,200 put something in every day. I'll let you do it. 687 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,200 I do it every year. But for some people, whatever 688 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,900 you want to do it for a month and just see how it goes and at 689 00:38:47,900 --> 00:38:50,300 the end of the year, I dump it all out. 690 00:38:51,300 --> 00:38:58,200 And when you go through your year, you're like, wow, wow, I 691 00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:00,800 there were so many blessings. So many, wonderful things 692 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,700 happened to me. And what I find this most 693 00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:06,600 interesting is that typically when I go through my gratitude 694 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,600 ride, the end of the year, most of the things I put in our about 695 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:13,500 other people. It's not it's not about me, it's 696 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,900 I had a great podcast with this wonderful interview with this 697 00:39:16,900 --> 00:39:20,600 wonderful young lady named Sadie she really touched me or you 698 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:24,000 know, I saw my neighbor, you know, that her car got fix. 699 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,700 I had been broken for it. Three months, I'm really happy 700 00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:28,100 about. I'm grateful that that happened 701 00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:30,900 to her and that shows you that you're really on the right path. 702 00:39:31,100 --> 00:39:34,800 So get a gratitude jar and get into the daily practice of being 703 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:39,500 grateful, for something, at least one thing every day, I 704 00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:42,600 love that so much and it's something that's very possible 705 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,000 to implement. It's a something you can add to 706 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,600 your night routine, your morning routine. 707 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,500 And I also think for people like you mentioned that are 708 00:39:49,500 --> 00:39:52,700 struggling with that hope - that suicidal, ideation that. 709 00:39:52,707 --> 00:39:56,400 Why having that perspective of how much other people are 710 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,600 impacting, you think about how much you're likely impacting 711 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:03,200 them and yes, being that moment that they're so grateful for and 712 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,800 being that moment that made their day. 713 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,400 And I think that's something that that gives you a lot of 714 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,300 Hope and and adds to that. Why? 715 00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:12,800 Even if it's not the full reason it's something? 716 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,700 Yeah, I love that. Well, if people want to listen 717 00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:19,500 to your podcast, if they want to watch your show all of the 718 00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:21,000 things, where can they continue to? 719 00:40:21,100 --> 00:40:23,700 Consume your content. Oh okay. 720 00:40:23,700 --> 00:40:27,900 So if you want to listen to podcast we are available any. 721 00:40:27,900 --> 00:40:31,500 And everywhere you can find us on Instagram at trials to 722 00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:33,900 Triumph spod. Let's see. 723 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:36,400 If you want to watch my show. Dear white people. 724 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:39,200 Sadly, we have no more seasons coming, which I know people 725 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,000 somehow missed that, but you can catch all four seasons still 726 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,500 available on Netflix. I'm on a show called Grand Cru 727 00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:47,400 which is on NBC. You can catch all of those 728 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:52,400 episodes of in DC or Hulu and I'm I'm coming to run the world 729 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,600 which is a show on Starz sometime this year so that's 730 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,300 happening to them. So look out for that. 731 00:40:58,300 --> 00:41:01,200 Yeah all of those will be in the show notes. 732 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:02,900 Thank you so much for sitting down with me. 733 00:41:02,900 --> 00:41:06,600 I'm so glad of course, thank you Sadie, I appreciate it. 734 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,800 Of course, of course. Thank you so much for listening 735 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,700 to this week's episode of she persisted. 736 00:41:11,700 --> 00:41:14,200 If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family 737 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,300 member. It really helps out the podcast 738 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:19,400 and if you haven't already leave a review on Apple podcasts or 739 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:23,100 Spotify, you can also Sure to follow along at at she persisted 740 00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:26,300 podcast on both Instagram and Tick-Tock and check out all the 741 00:41:26,300 --> 00:41:29,600 bonus resources content and information on my website. 742 00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:33,000 She persisted podcast.com, thanks for supporting, keep 743 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,900 persisting and I'll see you next week.