1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,600 Welcome to, she persisted, I'm your host CD son. 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,100 Every Friday. I post interviews about mental 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:08,000 health, dialectical behavioral therapy and Teenage life. 4 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:11,000 These episodes break down my mental health Journey. 5 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,200 Teach skills to help you cope with life and showcase 6 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,200 testimonials from individuals, including teens, just like you. 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,000 Whether you've struggled yourself or just want to improve 8 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,800 your mental Fitness. This podcast is your inspiration 9 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,800 to live a life, you love and keep persisting. 10 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:27,400 Hello, hello and welcome back to she persisted. 11 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,300 I am so excited. You're here today. 12 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,800 I think you guys are really gonna like this episode, because 13 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,600 these skills are the ones that I pull from most frequently when 14 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,700 it comes to maintaining and improving my mental health in 15 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,500 the long term. So if you are new to the 16 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:46,500 podcast, a little Cliff Notes, version of my story, I went to 17 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,300 intensive treatment when I was 14. 18 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,900 So I went to a residential program where I was there for 14 19 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,400 weeks and then I went to a therapeutic boarding school for 20 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,600 14 months and the residential program that I went to, it's 21 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,500 called three, he's there's information about it on my 22 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:03,500 website but The program that I went to relied very heavily on 23 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:07,000 DBT or dialectical behavioral therapy and I love DBT. 24 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,300 It's one of my favorite things. It was what was a game changer 25 00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:10,900 for me? And my mental health recovery. 26 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,700 It's great because it's evidence-based. 27 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:15,900 It gives you really tangible skills to pull from and use when 28 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,600 you're in crisis, improving relationships, regulating your 29 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,400 emotions, staying mindful Etc, and the guy said, evidence-based 30 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,700 it really works for a variety of things whether that's depression 31 00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:29,800 anxiety, borderline personality disorder on and there's a whole 32 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,700 Lot more to be said about that. I'll link more in the show 33 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:36,300 notes, but you can read tons of studies about it, but I try and 34 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:39,600 integrate that into the podcast as much as possible because it 35 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,200 was just such a game changer for me, and I want to share that 36 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:46,000 with you guys. So today's episode is going to 37 00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:47,800 be all about regulating emotions. 38 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,800 We're going to touch on creating a life worth living and what 39 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,400 that is in DBT, we're going to talk about short-term and 40 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,600 long-term emotion regulation skills to use and really how to 41 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,800 be effective and navigating the up. 42 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,900 And downs of emotions and be really skillful doing so. 43 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,600 So if you haven't already, I didn't episode a couple of 44 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,800 months ago called the emotion education you should have gotten 45 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,400 and that's really a precursor to this. 46 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,700 It talked about the purpose of emotions, why we have them, what 47 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,900 emotions exists, warning signs, how to cope with those. 48 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:21,800 So I'm going to talk about like broad ways that you can regulate 49 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,100 your emotions. But if you want, really specific 50 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,200 skills ideas and a better explanation about each of the 51 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,600 emotions, I highly recommend you, listen to that one. 52 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,300 And you guys love that, the downloads were really amazing on 53 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,400 that. So I'm so glad it resonated, it 54 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,300 is a denser episode similar to this one where you're learning a 55 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,400 lot. But in my opinion, I think it's 56 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,900 super valuable. So if you haven't listened to 57 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,000 that, I recommend a link it into Today's Show notes. 58 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,200 One more thing to add, I did a crisis survival skill episode, a 59 00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:52,300 couple of weeks ago that episode goes in a lot of depth. 60 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,900 And to what skills you use, when you're in crisis, this is more 61 00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,400 just general day-to-day navigating less intense emotions 62 00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,800 but just like you don't want to use. 63 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,900 Survival skills for regular emotions because they lose their 64 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:06,600 effectiveness using day-to-day, emotional coping skills isn't 65 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,000 going to work in crisis because the emotions are just so much 66 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,500 bigger and intense. And overwhelming, so day-to-day 67 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,500 emotions is what we're talking about here. 68 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,900 If you want to learn more about coping with really intense 69 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,700 emotions, like, anger or panic attacks and like being side. 70 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:23,300 You that goes with that extreme depression sadness, Etc. 71 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,700 I'll link that up. So it in the show notes as well, 72 00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,400 but even if that's something that you struggle with, I do 73 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,800 think there's something to be said for. 74 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,000 Or learning the emotion regulation skills and getting 75 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,900 those down. Pat because you are able to 76 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:37,900 decrease your emotional vulnerability to those crisis 77 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,700 moments and you're really able to increase your Baseline. 78 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,300 So if your Baseline is like extremely depressed all the 79 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,600 time, these emotion, regulation skills can kind of move that up 80 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,700 a bit. So when you do have a crisis and 81 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,300 you do experience those little motions it's less of like this 82 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:52,800 is what I experienced all the time. 83 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,900 It's exhausting. I don't know what to do and more 84 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:58,300 like, okay, this too will pass and I will get back to my base 85 00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,800 line that I've created and that works. 86 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,400 For me, the last last last thing I'll mention before we really 87 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,600 dive in here is that all the DBT worksheets that I'm working 88 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,200 from, will be in the blog post for this episode also linked in 89 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,000 the show notes. And all of this is not created 90 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,200 by me. This is from the dialectical 91 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,300 behavioral therapy skills handbook and was developed by 92 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:22,100 Marsha Linehan and her team. So this is not something that 93 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,000 I've just come up with in my free time. 94 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:28,100 It is a comprehensive book of skills, which also will be 95 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,900 linked in today's show notes. So, That is where the credit 96 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,700 goes there. And again, like I mentioned at 97 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,200 the beginning, it's evidence-based which is amazing. 98 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:39,400 So one of the very basic parts of DBT is the goal that you are 99 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,500 working towards your life worth living. 100 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,000 So the patients that receive DBT treatment, a lot of times are in 101 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,100 crisis, they're overwhelmed they are super depressed, their 102 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,300 relationships are struggling, a lot of the time suicidality is 103 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:55,500 at play which was true for me when I did intensive DBT 104 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,800 treatment. And so what this means is that, 105 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,400 before you can start learning any of these Skills, you have to 106 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,300 get the patient the client the individual to have some form of 107 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,400 motivation to want to get better. 108 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,700 A lot of the time there is hopelessness. 109 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,500 You kind of don't understand what the purposes of learning 110 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,000 these skills if you don't even want to be alive which is a 111 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,700 really painful thing to navigate. 112 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,000 And so at the very beginning of your journey, a lot of the time 113 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,900 you will start thinking about, what is your life worth living? 114 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,400 So, when your day-to-day experience is filled with 115 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,000 extreme depression and anxiety, and feeling isolated, and alone 116 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,400 and hopeless, If and that life does not feel worth living. 117 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,500 You ask yourself what would be worth living, what 118 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,800 relationships, what I have in my life, what would my mood be? 119 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,100 Like, when I wake up in the morning? 120 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,000 What activities would I engage in? 121 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,000 What do I look forward to? What are my values? 122 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,300 How do I cope with the emotions that arise? 123 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,900 And once you've been able to establish that, you have a goal 124 00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:53,700 to work towards. Yes, it is vague for me, it felt 125 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,500 extremely unattainable. I didn't even know if I 126 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,300 believed. I would get to that point. 127 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,900 I did, but I didn't believe I was But you at least are not 128 00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:05,400 just working towards this vague abstract goal of getting better, 129 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,800 it's more concrete. You are going to get to the 130 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,800 point where you can regulate your emotions. 131 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,700 You're going to get to the point where you're not suicidal every 132 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,000 day. You are going to get to the 133 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,100 point where you can maintain a healthy relationship and feel 134 00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:20,900 validated, and seen and heard. And then we work backwards and 135 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,800 we use the DBT skills to build that life worth living. 136 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,800 So if you are someone who is struggling with that 137 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,900 hopelessness and not sure kind of where you want to be with 138 00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:31,400 your emotion regulation. Ocean and your life worth living 139 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,400 in general. I definitely recommend doing a 140 00:06:33,407 --> 00:06:36,500 little like journaling activity. You can just write out a list, 141 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:39,200 you can meditate on it, whatever works for you but think about 142 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,200 what that life worth living would look like. 143 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,300 And what you want to do to get to that point. 144 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,000 And I think that's crucial before we dive into any of the 145 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,400 rest of it and it was really important for me before I 146 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,500 understood what my life worth living was like, there was no 147 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,100 way for me to be emotionally invested in recovery. 148 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,800 There is no way for me to be motivated to change because it 149 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,100 didn't feel like it was Wall. So life worth living is the 150 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,900 first thing we establish. And then the next thing to 151 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:08,200 really walk through is your values and priorities as they 152 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,200 relate to your emotion regulation. 153 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:14,100 So this really does build into the life worth living. 154 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,400 And there is a list that is provided in the skills handbook 155 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:21,900 of some pretty Universal values and priorities in people's 156 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,200 lives, worth living and people's life. 157 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,400 Fourth, livings, I don't know the plural, you know what I'm 158 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,700 saying? So the first is to attend to 159 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,700 relationships. And so there's some subtasks 160 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:35,800 here, which is to repair old relationships reach out for new 161 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,600 relationships, work on current relationships and end, 162 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,800 destructive relationships. The next thing is to be part of 163 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,300 a group. So having clothes and satisfying 164 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:47,200 relationship with others, feeling a sense of belonging, 165 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,600 receiving affection, and love being involved in intimate with 166 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,200 others and have and keep close. Friends have a family, stay 167 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,100 close, and spend time with family, members have people to 168 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,700 do things with the next thing is beep. 169 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,700 Powerful and able to influence others. 170 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,100 So have the authority to approve or disapprove of what people do 171 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,600 or to control. How resources are used, be a 172 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,600 leader, make money be respected by others. 173 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,600 Be seen by others as successful become well-known. 174 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,300 Obtain recognition and Status compete successfully with 175 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:21,400 others, be popular and accepted. The next thing is Achieve things 176 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,600 in life so its Chief significant goals. 177 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,900 Be involved in undertakings believe things are significant, 178 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,700 be productive work towards goals and work. 179 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,400 Hard, and be ambitious. The next thing is to live a life 180 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,799 of pleasure and satisfaction, so having a good time so you can 181 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,200 fun things out. They give you pleasure having 182 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,900 free time and enjoying the work that you do. 183 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,400 The next is to keep a life full of exciting events, 184 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,900 relationships and things. So try new and different things 185 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,100 in life. Be daring, seek adventures and 186 00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,900 have an exciting life. The next item is to behave 187 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,600 respectfully. So be humble and modest not draw 188 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,100 attention to yourself, follow traditions, and Customs behave 189 00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,000 properly. Treat others. 190 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,600 Well, next is to be self-directed. 191 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,500 So following your own path in life, being Innovative thinking 192 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,700 of new ideas being creative, making your own decisions to be 193 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,100 free, being independent, and taking care of yourself. 194 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,000 And those you're responsible for, and having freedom of 195 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,900 thought and action to be able to act in terms of your own 196 00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,600 priorities. The next thing is to be a 197 00:09:21,608 --> 00:09:24,100 spiritual person. So making room in Life or 198 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,700 spirituality living life, according to spiritual 199 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,400 principles, practicing a religion or faith. 200 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,400 Going in understanding of yourself your personal calling 201 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,400 and Life's real purpose and discern. 202 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,900 And do the will of God or higher power and find lasting meaning 203 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,800 in life. The next thing is to be secure. 204 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,900 So living in safe and secure surroundings, being physically 205 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:47,600 healthy and fit having a steady income that meets your needs and 206 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,800 your family's basic needs. Next is recognizing the 207 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,800 universal good of all things. So being fair treating people 208 00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:57,300 equally and providing equal opportunities, understanding 209 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,200 different people, and being open-minded and Caring for 210 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,000 nature in the environment next is contributing to the larger 211 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,000 community. So helping people in those in 212 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,000 need caring for others, well-being and proving Society. 213 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,100 Being loyal to friends and devoted to close people being 214 00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:15,100 committed to a group that shares your beliefs values and ethical 215 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:19,000 principles being committed to a cause or to a group that has a 216 00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:23,800 larger purpose beyond your own, making sacrifices to others and 217 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,400 the next item or bucket is working on self development. 218 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,600 So it developing a personal philosophy of Of Life Learning 219 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,400 and doing challenging things, that help you grow and mature as 220 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,300 a human being. And the last category is having 221 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,400 Integrity. So, being honest, acknowledging 222 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,600 and standing up for your personal beliefs, being 223 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,600 responsible person, and keeping your word to others, being 224 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:47,000 courageous and facing and living life, being a person who pays 225 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,300 debts to others and repairs damage that you've caused. 226 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:54,500 And lastly, being accepting of yourself, others. 227 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,900 And life is it is without resentment. 228 00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,900 So, these values and priorities will be And for every person but 229 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:04,200 the reason that they're outlined is because when these areas of 230 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,400 life are out of practice or out of alignment, they are really 231 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,400 closely linked to mental health issues. 232 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:12,900 So we talked about having a income that can support you and 233 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,800 your family's basic needs. The research shows that when you 234 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,100 are below that line, when you are below that line of poverty, 235 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,000 be risk of mental health issues, as a lot higher. 236 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,200 Similarly, when people are not feeling professionally fulfilled 237 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,800 or feeling like they have a purpose at life, suicide and 238 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,100 depression rates are higher. A book that I think explains 239 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,900 these environmental kind of causes if you will really well, 240 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,700 is lost connections by Johann Hari. 241 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,600 I'll link that in today's show notes, but it goes into depth 242 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,400 year and it talked about how this data was gathered. 243 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,300 The studies that were done and the real-life implications which 244 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:48,100 is super interesting. So like I mentioned, these will 245 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,800 be different for every person, maybe it's not as important for 246 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,800 you to contribute to a community but you're really big on self 247 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,900 development or spirituality isn't your top priority but 248 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:02,100 having a life of exciting. And is so figure out where your 249 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,300 values lie. Look at those little checklist 250 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,300 items and work to be in alignment with them because when 251 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,400 we're out of alignment, that's when things can start to feel 252 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,600 emotionally off and more stressful. 253 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,000 And our emotional vulnerability is a lot higher. 254 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,500 This week sponsor is teen counseling team. 255 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,500 Counseling is an online Therapy Program with over 14,000 256 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,300 licensed therapist in their network. 257 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,700 If you've ever heard of better help teen, counseling is their 258 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:29,000 teen brand. So if you are looking to try 259 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,200 therapy for the First time or switch, things up with your 260 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,300 therapist. This is a great way to start. 261 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,300 They offer support on things like depression, anxiety, 262 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,700 relationships, trauma, and so much more. 263 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,000 They offer services via talk text and video counseling, so 264 00:12:42,008 --> 00:12:43,800 you can really cater it to meet your needs. 265 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,800 Whether you just want someone to give advice and, and support, 266 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,200 and coping recommendations and a tough moment or you want to have 267 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,000 an audio call, or you feel comfortable doing a video, call 268 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,700 and normal session, whatever you need, they can support you. 269 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,800 So what you're going to do is you're going to go to teen 270 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,500 counseling.com She persisted, you are going to take a quick 271 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,800 survey about what you're hoping to work on in therapy. 272 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,700 And this is that they can match you with a therapist. 273 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,800 That best meets your needs from. There you go ahead and put in a 274 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,800 parent or Guardians email. And this is so that they can 275 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,500 give consent to treatment. They none of your information is 276 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,000 disclosed. Your privacy is protected as it 277 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,400 should be in any therapy relationship. 278 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,000 And so your parent gets a super discreet email, I sent it to 279 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,100 myself, don't worry. And it says, Sadie or whatever 280 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,500 your name is. Is hoping to work with a 281 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,700 therapist at teen. Selling click here to learn 282 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,100 more, give consent for treatment and provide payment. 283 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:36,900 So what you're going to do is you're going to go to teen 284 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,400 counseling.com, she persisted and find a therapist that meets 285 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,800 your needs today. Again that is teen 286 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:47,500 counseling.com she persisted. So with that, the first skill 287 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,700 that we're going to learn is the police kill. 288 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:53,500 So please has an acronym that stands for treat physical 289 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,800 illness and they like capitalize the p and the L and physical 290 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,600 which a little rough, but we go with it eating. 291 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,700 Balanced avoiding, mood-altering substances balance sleep, and 292 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:07,000 get exercise. So the please acronym, and the 293 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,200 police kill is for taking care of your mind, by taking care of 294 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,300 your body. So, for treating physical 295 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:15,300 illnesses, you're seeing a doctor would necessary if you 296 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:19,300 are taking a medication, you are taking that regularly, we know 297 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,300 that mental and physical health are closely linked when you are 298 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,100 physically like super sick or not feeling well, your mental 299 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,900 health takes a toll as well. So we want to minimize that 300 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,300 risk. Of decreasing. 301 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,800 Your emotional vulnerability. Same thing for eating. 302 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,100 So there's a spectrum here. Maybe it's, you just get angry. 303 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,300 If you don't have enough snacks, or maybe you're struggling to 304 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,400 get enough nutrients for your restricting, binging, whatever 305 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,400 that is, and that's taking a big toll on your mental health. 306 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,300 So these are all factors that can have a negative impact when 307 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,700 they're not Captain shock. So for eating don't eat too much 308 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:53,000 or too little eating regularly and mindfully throughout the day 309 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,200 and staying away from foods. That feel it make you feel 310 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,400 overly emotional one little tidbit to add in here that we 311 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,800 learned about in my normal size. Ecology class this week if you 312 00:15:00,808 --> 00:15:04,100 struggle with binge eating. So a lot of the times when you 313 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:07,300 struggle with binge eating or restricting, it is really scary 314 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,100 to eat regularly throughout the day. 315 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,800 You think that it will cause you to gain weight? 316 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,000 Which a lot of the times is an individual's, biggest fear, and 317 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000 the studies show that the the weight that's gained is really 318 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000 negligible. I think it's like one to two 319 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,300 pounds and that's because you are eliminating. 320 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:25,100 These binges, which have a huge amount of caloric intake. 321 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,900 And so when you're able to regularly eat, you're not only 322 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:31,500 having the negligible weight. Gain, but you are no longer 323 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,900 fighting against your body. So we are talking about binge 324 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,100 eating and why binges are so difficult for people to avoid 325 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,800 when they are depriving themselves of food. 326 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,100 And it's because it's that evolutionary me that has been 327 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:43,000 there from the beginning of humans. 328 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,300 If we are hungry and food deprived people eat as much as 329 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:50,200 possible so that we don't die. Because at a time when you 330 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,600 didn't know where your next meal was coming from, like caveman 331 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,100 days. If there was a lot of food 332 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:56,800 available and you were starving, you would eat a lot because you 333 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,000 didn't know when your next meal would be available. 334 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,100 So now that we're In modern day and age, that's not necessarily 335 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,100 relevant but that same principle comes out with binge eating and 336 00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,100 restricting. And for me, another tip, that'll 337 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,600 add here is if you struggle with eating regularly, what I did 338 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,300 when I was at McLean which was the residential program is I 339 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,300 came up with a list like two to three breakfast items that 340 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:19,600 worked really well for me to 23 lunch items to 23 dinner items 341 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,500 and snacks and I would just pull from that list and so I knew 342 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,200 that if I was eating one of those meals, I was going to be 343 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,000 full. I was going to be well-fed, I 344 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,200 would have my nutrition needs met and I was able to To eat 345 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,200 regularly. And like I said, when you're not 346 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,800 starving and you're not ignoring your hunger cues, it's a lot 347 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:41,700 easier to not binge and to maintain regular, eating the 348 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,900 next category is avoiding, mood-altering substances. 349 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,300 So the description here and staying off of illicit, drugs 350 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:50,100 and use alcohol in moderation. If at all, there's a couple 351 00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,700 things I like to add here. If you want to learn about the 352 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,600 connection between substances and mental health, I did a 353 00:16:55,608 --> 00:16:59,500 really great episode with a doctor named Jay Faber and he's 354 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,900 The aiming clinic and we talked all about the connection between 355 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,200 teen substance use and mental health challenges. 356 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,599 So if you want to learn more, I'll leave that link below. 357 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,700 But like you can imagine it's not great. 358 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,700 Using substances doesn't do anything good for your mental 359 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,500 health. So if you want to learn more in 360 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,099 depth there I will leave that option. 361 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:19,000 I know that especially for college students. 362 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,400 It's something that's very common and very culturally 363 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,500 normal but it's something to be really mindful of and aware of. 364 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,500 If you are worried about your mental health, then the other 365 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,400 thing that I'll add here is caffeine We don't always think 366 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,400 of caffeine is a mood-altering substance, but it can be, 367 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,300 especially if you struggle with anxiety, drinking, a lot of 368 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,400 coffee or having a lot of caffeine can make you a lot more 369 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,000 emotionally, vulnerable to feeling anxiety and to messing 370 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,200 up your sleep. So I like to add that in that 371 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,000 bucket because it's helpful to be mindful and aware of when 372 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,700 taking care of your physical health. 373 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,200 The S and please is for Sleep balanced. 374 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,000 So trying to get seven to nine hours of sleep a night or at 375 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,100 least the amount of sleep that helps you feel good. 376 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,500 So it's going to be different for everyone. 377 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,500 But again for most people, it's 7:00. 378 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,200 Nine hours. And the next part of this is 379 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,000 keeping a consistent sleep schedule, especially if you have 380 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,000 difficulty sleeping. So, if you struggle with 381 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,900 insomnia, if you struggle with waking up, throughout the night, 382 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,300 you are going to need to be having a very strict sleep 383 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,100 schedule or at least doing consistently, what works for 384 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,300 you, because you will probably be a lot more emotionally 385 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,300 vulnerable to being sleep deprived. 386 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,400 And we know that when we're not getting enough REM sleep, we're 387 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,000 not able to emotionally recharge. 388 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,200 We're a lot more. Emotionally vulnerable me, 389 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,700 especially when I don't sleep. Well, I'm so grumpy. 390 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:29,800 I'm so irritable. Ville. 391 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:34,100 And I notice it immediately for anyone who is really into 392 00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,400 tracking their sleep and notices, that it has a really 393 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,900 big impact on their mood. A recent recommendation has been 394 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:43,000 the aura ring. I am obsessed, even though it 395 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,100 every morning, it's like you did not sleep very well. 396 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:48,000 I'm like, I know, but thank you for giving me the data, but it's 397 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,300 great. It tracks, your steps. 398 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,300 So you can unplug more when you're exercising but tracks 399 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,000 other kinds of exercises. Well, it gives you a sleep score 400 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,100 every single day. You get a Readiness score and 401 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,500 it's just great. I've learned that my base. 402 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:02,800 Find it being like hey I think I slept pretty well isn't really 403 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,600 that great. Like I'm not getting enough 404 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,000 sleep. I'm not getting enough deep 405 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,900 sleep and so I've been able to make changes in my night routine 406 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:11,200 in my morning routine and throughout the day to try and 407 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,200 improve that and get the numbers where I want them to be. 408 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,100 So if you were asleep nerd I recommend that it will be linked 409 00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:20,200 in today's show notes and then this is going right into the 410 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,200 next category of getting exercise. 411 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,800 If you are struggling with falling asleep incorporating 412 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,600 movement throughout your day is huge and can help you feel more 413 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,000 tired at night. I also Did a whole episode on 414 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,000 sleep hygiene. That will be linked in today's 415 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,200 show notes to anything and everything you would ever need 416 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,900 to know about having a good sleep routine struggling with 417 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:41,700 insomnia, what works for me, my sleep routine, the data there, 418 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:45,300 listen to that episode. So getting exercise. 419 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,900 So the description here is do some sort of exercise every day. 420 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,700 Try to build up to 20 minutes of daily exercise. 421 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,800 I actually went to nutrition appointment this week and they 422 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,800 said that the goal is 150 minutes of exercise per week. 423 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,500 I know that can be very overwhelming what? 424 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,200 Been doing recently trying to do like 30 minutes a day like on 425 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,100 the elliptical or the StairMaster or the treadmill and 426 00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:08,600 I really frame it as like trying to help me sleep better and I 427 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,100 enjoy it. I'll watch a show. 428 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,600 I listen to music and I'm not really worried about, like, how 429 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,200 fast I'm going. I'm just doing my 30 minutes, 430 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,300 it's a nice break from studying. So that is something that I 431 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:22,000 recommend another note here is that, if you notice that 432 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,200 exercise has a really positive effect on your mood and you are 433 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,400 a morning person. I'm not. 434 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,800 So, a lot of the times I do it later in the day but the Artist 435 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,800 impact on your mood will be when you exercise in the morning 436 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,200 because the data shows that people experience the positive 437 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,100 effects of exercise for like 7 to 8 hours after they have that 438 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:43,400 period of movement. So if you can try and get that 439 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,100 in the morning, it'll help you be more awake throughout the day 440 00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:49,300 more alert and have more positive emotions. 441 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,400 So that is the police Cal. We are reducing our physical 442 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,900 vulnerabilities to help our emotional vulnerability and when 443 00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:59,500 any of these things are out of whack, your mental health will 444 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,500 Be as well. So it's a really great way to 445 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:03,600 again. Just decrease that vulnerability 446 00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:06,000 and overall take care of yourself. 447 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:11,800 So the next skill is the ABC skill, which stands for 448 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,600 accumulate positive emotions, build Mastery, and cope ahead of 449 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:20,100 time with emotional situations. So the overview of this skill 450 00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,700 is, we are reducing vulnerability to emotion mind, 451 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,100 which is your part of your brain, that is really just a 452 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,000 motion. Focus is some motion driven. 453 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,100 It's very hot and you're not really paying attention to logic 454 00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:33,700 at all, so we're reducing that vulnerability to build our life 455 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:35,500 worth living. So I'm going to give you a quick 456 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,100 overview of the ABC scale and then we'll go into A little bit 457 00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:40,700 more depth than each of the different parts of the scalp. 458 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,000 So for accumulating positives is one of my favorite skills. 459 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,500 I talked about it, a lot in the short term you are doing 460 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,000 Pleasant things that are possible. 461 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,400 Now in this moment, I don't give you some examples in a couple of 462 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,100 minutes and then long term it's making changes in your life. 463 00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:57,100 So that positive events will happen more often in the future. 464 00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:59,500 So you are truly building your life worth living. 465 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,300 If you building Mastery, scale is doing things that help you 466 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:05,300 feel competent and effective to combat helplessness and 467 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:08,600 hopelessness and coping ahead. And we are rehearsing and 468 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,000 planning ahead of time so that you are prepared to cope 469 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,200 skillfully with emotional situations. 470 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,700 So accumulating positives in these short-term, you are 471 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,600 increasing Pleasant events that leads to positive emotions. 472 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,100 A great goal is to try and do one thing each day that is a 473 00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:26,500 pleasant event for you. And to just really quickly give 474 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:31,900 you some ideas, this is a list of 225 different Pleasant 475 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:34,400 events, which will be on the blog post, but that could be 476 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,400 playing a sport, flying kites sleeping pain. 477 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:40,000 Ink. Traveling or going on vacations. 478 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,700 There are endless things here and it's just what you enjoy. 479 00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,400 For me, it's having my favorite cup of coffee in the morning. 480 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,800 I like going on walks, I love petting and seeing dogs, 481 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,200 especially my dogs, reading a good book watching a show that I 482 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,500 really enjoy calling friends and family members. 483 00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:57,600 All of those kinds of things in addition to building positive 484 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,400 experiences, in the moment, you are also practicing opposite 485 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,000 actions. You were avoiding avoiding 486 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,800 emotions. We will go into a lot of depth 487 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,100 in this in a little bit but that's one of the part of the 488 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,100 accumulating positives. And we are being mindful of 489 00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:11,100 pleasant event. So you are, we're focusing our 490 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,200 attention on positive moments when they're happening. 491 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,500 We are refocusing our attention to when our mind wanders to 492 00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,700 negative aspects or other things. 493 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:22,700 And we are participating and engaged in fully and each 494 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:26,800 experience we are being unmindful of worries which I bet 495 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,900 you didn't think we're going to recommend that you're not 496 00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:32,400 mindful but we are not going to focus on when the positive 497 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,500 experience will end. We're not going to think about 498 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:37,400 whether you deserve the positive experience which is something 499 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,600 Gold was for such a long time, not thinking I deserve positive 500 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,400 relationships or things. I enjoyed because I was just so 501 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,600 depressed and I didn't think I just even deserve to be 502 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,300 depressed. And lastly, what might be 503 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:51,400 expected of you in this moment that you aren't necessarily 504 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,700 doing. So we are avoiding thinking 505 00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:54,800 about those things. We are not being mindful there, 506 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,900 but we are being mindful of the positive experiences. 507 00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:00,400 So in the long term, we're not just having these positive 508 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,800 emotions, but we are really accumulating them and they build 509 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,900 and compile, and compound into a life worth living. 510 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:11,100 So we're making changes in our life, so that positive events 511 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:13,500 will occur in the future. So there are six. 512 00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:16,600 So there are seven steps here and I'll read those to you. 513 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,700 And there's like some examples which will also give. 514 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:20,500 So the first step is to avoid avoiding. 515 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,900 So you're going to start now to do, what is needed to build the 516 00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:25,600 life you want. Step One is avoid avoiding. 517 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,800 So we're going to start now to do, what is needed to build the 518 00:24:27,808 --> 00:24:31,000 life you want Step 2, is identify the values that are 519 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,900 important to you. We just talked about those. 520 00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:35,600 So what values are really important to be in your life? 521 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,700 So examples, which we talked about is being productive. 522 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,800 Being part of a group treating others well be physically fit 523 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,000 whatever that is for you knowing them so that you can stay in 524 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,700 line with them. Step three is to identify one 525 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:50,100 value to work on right now. So ask yourself what is really 526 00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:53,800 important to me right now to work on in my life, step 4 is 527 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,400 identify a few goals related to this value. 528 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,200 So ask yourself what specific goals, can I work on that? 529 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,200 Will make this value part of my life. 530 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,700 So if your value that you're going to work on is being 531 00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:07,900 productive, some examples is getting a job, where you can, Do 532 00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:10,500 something useful, being more active, keeping up with 533 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:13,600 important tasks at home and finding a volunteer job that 534 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,300 will use the skills. You already have. 535 00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:19,000 Step five is choosing one goal to work on now so to a pros and 536 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,100 cons and decide what goal you're going to work on in this moment. 537 00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:26,100 So an example is to get that job where you're doing something 538 00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:29,700 useful. Step 6 is identifying small 539 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:32,000 actions to take towards your goals. 540 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,700 So ask yourself, what are some small actions that I can take 541 00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,700 and examples are visiting places to look for job openings? 542 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,100 Things are looking online, submitting applications writing 543 00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:44,200 resumes and checking out benefits of job listings. 544 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,300 And lastly, you are taking one action step. 545 00:25:47,300 --> 00:25:50,900 Now, so an example is to go on the internet and check jobs in 546 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:54,000 your area. So we talked about all of those 547 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:58,000 different values and priorities, that might be applicable to you 548 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,800 in the long term. Like I mentioned when you were 549 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,800 out of alignment with those, it feels really yucky. 550 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,200 So these are the immediate steps that you can take to build a 551 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,500 life that it is really in line with those values that are so 552 00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:12,900 important to you. So that is the accumulating 553 00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:15,800 positive skills for both short-term and long-term and is 554 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,100 one of the easier skills. You just do what you enjoy. 555 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,100 But the key is to plan those items. 556 00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,100 It's not something that spontaneously happens. 557 00:26:22,100 --> 00:26:24,700 But you are being intentional about doing things that bring 558 00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:26,700 you Joy. You're accumulating them over 559 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:28,200 time. You're decreasing your emotional 560 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,400 vulnerability and make a list of things that you enjoy doing and 561 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:35,100 sprinkle them throughout your day and really stay present in 562 00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:37,600 them, enjoy them and accumulate them. 563 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,000 Throughout the long term. This week's episode is brought 564 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,500 to you by saqqara. So, car is a nutrition company 565 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:44,900 that focuses on overall, Wellness, starting with what you 566 00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:47,600 eat, you might have heard of their meal, delivery services. 567 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,700 They are gluten-free vegan non-GMO, organic. 568 00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:53,600 All of the things and they get delivered to your door. 569 00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:56,300 No prep required. So they have breakfast, lunch, 570 00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:58,300 dinner and snacks. It's super convenient. 571 00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:00,800 And it's an amazing way to make sure that you are getting all of 572 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,600 your nutrients. And your food is fueling you for 573 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,100 all of your activities that you are doing. 574 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:10,000 They also sell a ton of Wellness Essentials, two of my favorites 575 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,400 are there. Detox Drops, they are 576 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,400 chlorophyll drops. I know you've seen them on Tick. 577 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,900 Tock, I have as well, you add them to your water. 578 00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:19,000 And what I like about these ones is that they don't add a taste. 579 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,500 So even though the water is green, because the chlorophyll, 580 00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:24,600 you're getting all the benefits, it doesn't taste like gross or 581 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,300 like greens powder. It literally just tastes like 582 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:29,800 normal water, which is one of my favorite parts of it. 583 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:31,700 My other favorite is their sleep T. 584 00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:33,800 This is an amazing thing to add to your night routine. 585 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,700 It has chamomile and lavender to relax and wind down before going 586 00:27:37,700 --> 00:27:39,200 Bad. It's a great addition to your 587 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,300 nighttime routine. I highly recommend it. 588 00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:43,200 So if you want to check out saqqara and their Wellness 589 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,300 Essentials, you can use Kodak. So Sadie at checkout for 20% off 590 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:49,800 your first order again, that is codex. 591 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,000 Oh, Sadie at checkout for 20% off your first order using the 592 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,500 link in today's show notes. So the next part of the ABC 593 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,200 skills building Mastery. So, there are four steps here. 594 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,000 The first is to plan on doing. One thing, each day to build a 595 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,700 sense of accomplishment to is plan for Success. 596 00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:09,300 Not failure. 3 is gradually. Reese the difficulty over time 597 00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:12,500 and for is looking for a challenge when we get better at 598 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,500 things, when you're good at things, it boosts our 599 00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:16,900 self-esteem that boost your mood and makes us feel fact. 600 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:19,900 If the podcast has been a really big thing for me with building 601 00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:21,700 Mastery, same thing with social media. 602 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:24,000 I enjoy it. I love getting better at it, and 603 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,500 it's a challenge. And so, having something in your 604 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:29,300 life that you are looking to improve, especially something 605 00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:33,400 that you enjoy, can really help increase your emotional 606 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,600 vulnerability, and increase your Baseline over a long period of 607 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,800 time coping after Ed is another really helpful skill. 608 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,100 So there are four steps here. The first is, you are going to 609 00:28:42,100 --> 00:28:44,900 describe the situation that is likely to prompt the problem 610 00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:46,200 Behavior. So, you're going to check the 611 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,400 facts, be specific name. The emotions and actions likely 612 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,100 to interfere with using your skills. 613 00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:54,100 Second, you're going to decide what coping or problem-solving 614 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:56,800 skills you want to use in the situation and be super specific 615 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,500 here. You're going to write out how 616 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:01,500 you're going to cope with the situation with your emotions. 617 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:04,400 And also, any urges, you might have third, you're going to 618 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,300 imagine the situation in your mind is vividly as possible. 619 00:29:07,300 --> 00:29:10,300 So Imagine yourself in the situation, not watching it, but 620 00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:13,700 you are navigating yourself and for your going to rehearse in 621 00:29:13,700 --> 00:29:16,800 your mind, coping effectively. So think about your actions 622 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,200 thoughts, what you say, how you say it? 623 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,900 How do you cope with new problems that might come up? 624 00:29:21,900 --> 00:29:25,000 And then, the key here is to rehearse coping effectively with 625 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,700 your most, feared catastrophe. So, say, you are starting at a 626 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:31,700 new school and you're like, the worst thing possible would be to 627 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,500 fall on my face down the stairs and everyone laughs or something 628 00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:36,700 like that. Okay. 629 00:29:36,700 --> 00:29:38,600 Walk yourself through that. What are you going to do? 630 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,400 You're going to fall down the stairs and then you're going to 631 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,300 get up or you gonna laugh it up. Our laugh, it off or you going 632 00:29:43,300 --> 00:29:46,200 to do deep breathing, or you can ask someone like help you if 633 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,400 you've broken your legs. Like what exactly are you going 634 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,500 to do? And you no longer in that 635 00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,900 headspace of, oh my gosh, I'm not sure what's going to happen 636 00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:55,000 because you've just thought about what's gonna happen, 637 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,200 you're going to cope, you're going to walk yourself through 638 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,700 the situation and you know how you're going to deal with it. 639 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:03,100 If that problem, arises and the fifth step is to practice 640 00:30:03,100 --> 00:30:06,500 relaxation after rehearsing, so it will probably bring up 641 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:09,300 anxiety too. To rehearse those worst-case 642 00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:11,500 scenario. So cope with those emotions that 643 00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:16,700 arise in that sin itself like a little in Vivo exposure to the 644 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,500 symptoms of anxiety. Coping ahead is not just used 645 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,000 for anxiety, I think it's really great. 646 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,500 When you're going into a difficult conversation, that 647 00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:26,300 might result in a conflict if you're really angry about 648 00:30:26,300 --> 00:30:27,800 something. Coping ahead with how you're 649 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,400 going to stay calm as good. If you think you're going to be 650 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,800 overwhelmed. I think with stress coping ahead 651 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,600 as a great idea. I love it for anxiety, I think 652 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,300 it's so effective, but any Where you think that an intense 653 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:42,900 emotion might arise, coping ahead allows you to decrease the 654 00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:45,600 intensity of the emotion. And so you were able to regulate 655 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:49,200 your emotions more effectively short and long term so that is 656 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,700 the ABC please scale some of my favorites. 657 00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:54,200 Those are probably the core of the emotion regulation. 658 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,200 Module those are the most commonly known. 659 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,000 So we're going to talk about two more things to really round this 660 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,100 out. We're going to talk about 661 00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:03,600 mindfulness of card emotions and changing emotional responses. 662 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,500 So it is important to be able to decrease our emotional 663 00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,700 Vulnerability. But it's also important to be 664 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:12,600 able to regulate our emotions when they arise and so that's 665 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,000 what you're going to do with these two skills. 666 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,400 So with mindfulness of card emotions, we are letting go of 667 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,200 emotional suffering. So the first step is to observe 668 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,200 your emotion, you are stepping back and noticing the emotion. 669 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,200 This is my favorite thing is you are experiencing your emotion is 670 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,200 a way of so it's coming it's going it's increasing and 671 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:34,200 decreasing and intensity you can try to imagine surfing the 672 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,700 emotional wave. The goal is to not block or 673 00:31:36,700 --> 00:31:38,900 suppress the Don't get rid of push it away. 674 00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,600 When we suppress emotions, they come back stronger and more 675 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,500 overwhelming. So we're not blocking your 676 00:31:43,500 --> 00:31:46,700 suppressing but at the same time, a little dialectic here. 677 00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:48,200 We're not trying to keep the emotion around. 678 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,700 We're not holding on or amplifying, the intensity. 679 00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:54,500 We're also going to practice mindfulness of the Body 680 00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:56,500 Sensations. I noticed that sometimes I can 681 00:31:56,508 --> 00:31:59,100 be kind of out of touch with what exactly I'm feeling. 682 00:31:59,100 --> 00:32:02,000 But if you listen to your body and like, okay are like my hand. 683 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,600 Shaking is my heart beating faster. 684 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,500 I am I like frowning? You can kind of be more aware of 685 00:32:07,700 --> 00:32:10,300 What you are experiencing and then figure out how to cope with 686 00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:12,500 that emotion. So notice where you're in your 687 00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:15,100 body, you're feeling emotional, Sensations experiences. 688 00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:18,200 Sensations is fully as you can and observe how long it takes 689 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,700 before the emotion goes down, remember you are not your 690 00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:24,800 emotions, so you don't have to act on the emotion and there are 691 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:26,500 times that you have felt different. 692 00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:28,500 I think this is a really big thing for depression and 693 00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:30,600 anxiety. People are like I'm depressed. 694 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,500 I'm anxious. I have anxiety. 695 00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:34,800 I have depression and it becomes a really a part of your 696 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,600 identity. And instead, we can think about 697 00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:40,400 It as a wave that comes and goes, we feel depressed. 698 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,900 We feel anxious. But we are not depressed, or 699 00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:45,900 anxious forever. And the last part of this is to 700 00:32:45,900 --> 00:32:49,100 practice loving your emotions. So respected it serves a 701 00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:51,400 purpose. It's kept us alive as we've 702 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,400 evolved. So we're not judging the emotion 703 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,800 but we are practicing willingness and we are radically 704 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,000 accepting the emotion as it comes. 705 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,600 So that is the mindfulness of carne emotions and then if we 706 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,100 are mindful of our emotion and we decide, you know what, I 707 00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:06,400 don't really know if the intensity or duration of this 708 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,800 emotion is active, we can change our emotional response. 709 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,800 So there are three skills here, check the facts, opposite 710 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,300 action, and problem solving. So with the check, the facts 711 00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:19,800 Gil, this is a huge one. It is something that gets used 712 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,100 all the time. I think it was a really big one 713 00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:24,500 in Family Therapy like whenever we start to get into an argument 714 00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:28,100 or B so annoyed, they check the facts, is that accurate? 715 00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:30,200 That's super helpful and interpersonal situations. 716 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,400 It's really helpful with anxiety when you're like, this is 717 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,400 definitely going to happen and it's like is it though? 718 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,100 Is there really going to be a shark attack if you go swimming 719 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:39,800 in the ocean? What's the statistical 720 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,700 probability? Let's unpack that. 721 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,800 So, check out whether the emotional reaction fits the 722 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,700 facts of the situation and you can change your beliefs and 723 00:33:47,700 --> 00:33:51,000 assumptions to fit the facts and that can also help change your 724 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,300 emotional reaction to the situation. 725 00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:57,500 So it lets go back to the first day at a new school example. 726 00:33:57,500 --> 00:34:00,300 If you are worried you're going to fall down the stairs and it's 727 00:34:00,300 --> 00:34:02,300 going to be so embarrassing and everyone's going to be watching 728 00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:06,900 and laugh at you is that really likely to happen, check the 729 00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:10,199 facts there. R and then because that's not 730 00:34:10,199 --> 00:34:13,300 likely to happen, we can change our beliefs and assumptions 731 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:15,300 instead of being like I'm definitely going to embarrass 732 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:19,900 myself and fall down the stairs. We can be like we can go to a 733 00:34:19,900 --> 00:34:22,300 happy medium and back. It is possible that I'll slip 734 00:34:22,300 --> 00:34:24,100 and fall but that's highly unlikely. 735 00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:26,100 The next skill is opposite action. 736 00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:29,100 This is a huge one and one of my all-time favorite skills. 737 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:32,400 So when your emotions do not fit the facts when the intensity and 738 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,900 duration aren't making sense or when acting on your emotions is 739 00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:39,699 not a Div. So if you're super angry and 740 00:34:39,699 --> 00:34:42,199 like, I don't know, yelling and a teacher is not effective. 741 00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:47,000 We act the opposite 100% to change your emotional reactions. 742 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,900 A huge example. Here is when you're feeling 743 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:53,699 depressed, if you, your emotion is telling you to stay in bed 744 00:34:53,699 --> 00:34:56,199 and isolate, you're going to get out of bed, you're going to walk 745 00:34:56,199 --> 00:34:59,300 around, you were going to engage with other people, which will 746 00:34:59,300 --> 00:35:01,900 help improve your feelings of depression. 747 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,500 There are so many examples here. If anxiety is telling you to 748 00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,400 isolate withdrawal from the threat, do a little bit of 749 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,200 Exposure therapy. Go towards it. 750 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,500 Expose yourself in a healthy way. 751 00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:14,300 There's so many examples and it's one of these skills that I 752 00:35:14,300 --> 00:35:17,000 pull from most frequently and the last part of this is when 753 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,900 the facts themselves are the problem. 754 00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:21,200 So when you've checked the facts and you're like, okay my 755 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:25,800 emotions do fit the facts but the it just, it's a situation 756 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,600 that sucks. I don't have a lot that I can 757 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,500 control about it. You can try and solve the 758 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:33,600 problem to reduce the frequency of negative emotion. 759 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,500 So, say that you are in a class and the professor keeps giving 760 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,900 Tests that are just like not even related to what you were 761 00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:42,300 learning in the class and it feels really unfair and you're 762 00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:47,000 not doing well, and your emotion is Justified because you all 763 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,200 your other friends in the class also aren't doing well in the 764 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,600 test. Average is like really bad 765 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,400 whatever the situation is, we can problem solve. 766 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,700 So maybe that means going to office hours and talking to the 767 00:35:55,707 --> 00:35:57,300 teacher. Maybe that means, studying more, 768 00:35:57,300 --> 00:35:59,500 maybe that means dropping the class and taking it with a 769 00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:02,900 different Professor, whatever the situation is, we are solving 770 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:06,100 the facts and the situation. We are dealt that we can 771 00:36:06,100 --> 00:36:09,300 decrease the negative. Oceans One feeling those and 772 00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:12,300 long-term, it's not effective. So a little bit more on, check 773 00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:14,800 the facts. So many emotions and actions 774 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,200 themselves are brought on by our thoughts and interpretations of 775 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,300 the events, but not actually the events themselves, or event 776 00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:25,200 influences the pots, which influences our emotions, and our 777 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,600 emotions can also have that big thought and our emotions can 778 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:32,000 also impact our thoughts a lot. There's this debate and 779 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,900 psychology about the different ways that emotional responses. 780 00:36:34,900 --> 00:36:36,500 Arise. Some of it is like, you feel the 781 00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:39,600 emotion and then you, Physically realized that you having this 782 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,600 emotion and then you have thoughts about it, sometimes as 783 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,800 you have the thoughts and then you feel the physical parts of 784 00:36:43,808 --> 00:36:45,300 the emotions. This is kind of what that's 785 00:36:45,300 --> 00:36:47,200 talking about. So we are examining our thoughts 786 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,100 and checking the facts to help us change the emotion. 787 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,700 So there are six questions. You can ask yourself the first 788 00:36:53,700 --> 00:36:55,500 is, what is the emotion I want to change. 789 00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:57,900 What is the event prompting? My emotion, what are my 790 00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:00,800 interpretations thoughts and assumptions about the event in 791 00:37:00,808 --> 00:37:03,300 my assuming a threat. What's the catastrophe? 792 00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:06,100 And does my emotion and or its intensity fit the facts. 793 00:37:07,300 --> 00:37:10,400 So, I know, I just threw a lot of information at you guys, but 794 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,800 really being on top of these skills, can really help you be 795 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,900 more emotionally regulated and on top of things and feeling 796 00:37:16,900 --> 00:37:18,600 good. And I really hope that this was 797 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,400 helpful and educational. If you enjoyed this week's 798 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,700 episode, as always, make sure to leave a review and apple podcast 799 00:37:25,700 --> 00:37:28,400 and Spotify. We are getting towards 100 views 800 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,500 on Apple, which is insane. And I'm going to do a giveaway, 801 00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:33,600 which I'm super excited about. Make sure to follow along and 802 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,000 Instagram and at she persisted podcast, if you've any questions 803 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,600 But this week's episode don't hesitate to DM me, ask me, email 804 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,900 me. And if you liked it, make sure 805 00:37:43,900 --> 00:37:46,300 to share with a friend or family member, Sharon social media. 806 00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:48,400 If you share on Instagram, I will repost and give you a 807 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,700 little shout-out at at she persisted podcast.