1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,960 Welcome to Sheeper Assisted. I'm your host Sadie Sutton, a 19 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,440 year old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,000 University of Pennsylvania. Sheeper Assisted is the teen 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,880 mental health podcast made for teenagers by a teen. 5 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,120 In each episode I'll bring you authentic, accessible and 6 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,440 relatable conversations about every aspect of mental Wellness 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,000 you can expect. Evidence based teen approved 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,040 resources, coping skills including lots of DBT insights 9 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,680 and education, and each piece of content you consume. 10 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,439 She Persisted offers you a safe space to feel validated and 11 00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,160 understood in your struggle while encouraging you to take 12 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,440 ownership of your journey and build your life worth living. 13 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,720 So let's dive in this week on She Persisted. 14 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,880 When you are on any kind of trip or vacation or in a new 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,920 environment, you're not able to be an autopilot and use your 16 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,400 same skills and routines and you're not seeing the same 17 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,840 people that you do most of the time. 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,000 And so your support system is going to look a little bit 19 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,440 different. Your daily routine is going to 20 00:00:58,440 --> 00:00:59,800 look different. So you have to be more 21 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,280 intentional and proactive and expect maybe a little bit more 22 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,480 distress than you would in your home environment. 23 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,520 Hello. Hello, and welcome back to She 24 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,520 Persisted. I am so excited you're here 25 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,400 today. It has been a long time since 26 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,640 I've done a solo episode. It's only been five episodes, 27 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,400 but we've skipped a couple weeks here and there. 28 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,640 We've been doing the minis, which you guys have really been 29 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,200 loving. We're charting, which is really 30 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,400 exciting and incredible. And I know you guys have heard 31 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,000 from me more because of that, but it feels like it's been a 32 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,640 long time since I've just sat down, caught up with you guys, 33 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,960 gotten to ramble for an hour in front of the microphone. 34 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,760 But I'm really excited for this episode because we are in the 35 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,560 summer season and there's a lot more holiday weekends. 36 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,880 If you're out of school, whether you're in high school or 37 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,120 college, you're probably spending a lot more time with 38 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,520 family. And that can bring up a lot of 39 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,000 emotions. Your coping skills are really 40 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,680 tested. And especially if you're not 41 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,120 used to that level of family time, it can be challenging. 42 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,320 And when I was thinking about this episode, I was like, is 43 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,760 this a universal challenge or is this something I go through? 44 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,240 Is this an episode where everyone's like you talking 45 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:09,720 about like, this isn't a thing? And I do feel that my experience 46 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,560 of this being stressful is probably a little bit 47 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,120 exacerbated because when I was in high school, I went to 48 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,520 intensive treatment for a year and a half. 49 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,880 And 14 months of that was at a therapeutic boarding school 50 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:23,040 where I was only really seeing my family face to face every six 51 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,080 weeks at the least, if not longer. 52 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,480 And at the beginning, it was months before I saw them and it 53 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,120 was like 6 months before I went home and spent a week with my 54 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:35,200 family. And so these were really drastic 55 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,640 differences between me being in treatment, surrounded by peers 56 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,240 and staff, and then going home and being surrounded by family. 57 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,040 And I have 3 younger siblings, we have two dogs. 58 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,200 Things are always happening in our house. 59 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,760 It's not as crazy as it used to because we're all getting older, 60 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,520 but it was a really stark difference and we weren't 61 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,480 getting that practice on a day-to-day basis of how to 62 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,400 handle dynamics and conflict and setting boundaries and just 63 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,040 passing the time. And so I remember that being one 64 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,720 of the most challenging experiences in treatment and 65 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,960 post treatment was navigating those intense periods of family 66 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,880 time and being like, do I have the skills? 67 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,640 Can I do this? Can this be a quote UN quote 68 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,360 success? And there was all these other 69 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,360 layers added on there that have to do with the troubled teen 70 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,000 industry, with those beliefs like you want to be good enough 71 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,280 to go home and you want your visit to be a success so that 72 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,400 you're not put farther back on your journey. 73 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,600 And seeing your family was a privilege, not a right. 74 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,000 And so there was a lot of layers on that that added to the stress 75 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,480 and are not typical in in treatment if you're going to an 76 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,760 evidence based program. But all of that to say, I have a 77 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,720 lot of things to say and skills to use when it comes to 78 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,560 navigating lots of family time or family vacations. 79 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,800 Because I had that odd experience of being away from 80 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,000 family for a really long time and then being back in that 81 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,200 environment and feeling like there was a lot riding on it. 82 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,880 And also those were periods of time where my mental health was 83 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,800 really struggling. And so those emotions were 84 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,000 amplified, coping skills weren't as solidified or affected. 85 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,880 And so I'm hoping that this will be universally helpful and at 86 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,880 least give you a couple extra skills that you can pull from 87 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,399 this summer or whenever you're listening to this episode. 88 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:20,839 So the first thing that I want to touch on is your social 89 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,480 battery and being an introvert versus an extrovert. 90 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,880 I had a therapy session recently and my therapist brought up 91 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,960 something really interesting that I've still been thinking 92 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,240 about, which is your mental health and social battery 93 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,840 getting confused and intertwined. 94 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,600 And I don't know about you guys, but when I think about like a 95 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,080 successful, happy, thriving person, a lot of the times I 96 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,840 picture like lots of commitments throughout the day and lots of 97 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:48,400 relationships that you're engaging in and just from point 98 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640 A to point B and you're doing all these things and seeing all 99 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,760 these people. But I think about having to do 100 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,680 that on a day-to-day basis, like that sounds really exhausting 101 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,480 and that sounds sounds really overwhelming. 102 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,560 And it doesn't sound like something that would fill my cup 103 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,640 or make my mental health feel super great because I value time 104 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:09,560 to be alone and recharge and recover from social interactions 105 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,440 because I am more of an introvert. 106 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,520 And I think this is challenging when you've struggled with 107 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,320 depression or you have a tendency to avoid or you're 108 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,000 working on improving and building relationships because 109 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:22,280 success in those areas means being really engaged and 110 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:27,080 involved in relationships and having those commitments to go 111 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,320 to. But from a social battery 112 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:34,040 perspective, having time to yourself to recharge and fill up 113 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,280 that social battery and make sure that your mental health is 114 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,760 in a good place is also really important and allows you to show 115 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:41,960 up as the best version of yourself. 116 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,960 But we can kind of confuse refilling our social battery 117 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,720 with negative mental health symptoms, if that makes sense. 118 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,720 Like we think of someone that's depressed or lonely, they're 119 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,080 isolating, they're not spending time with people, they're not 120 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,520 out and about going from point A to point B and all of these 121 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:59,120 things. And that's also what it looks 122 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:03,200 like when an introvert is recharging and preparing to then 123 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,640 go and socialize and be out and about and do all the things. 124 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,040 And so I've been trying to have more mindfulness around when am 125 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:15,040 I refilling my social battery and when am I actively not doing 126 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,000 things for no reason, if that makes sense. 127 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,520 This is quite the ramble, but basically, I think going into 128 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,520 any social commitment, especially family vacations or 129 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,280 family time, it's really important to be aware of what 130 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,800 your social battery is and at what point you stop showing up 131 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:33,560 as your best self because you need time to recharge or talk to 132 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,480 friends or take time to yourself. 133 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,040 And we're going to get into how to advocate for that, but I 134 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,200 think that is the first piece is that awareness. 135 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,200 And so I think over the past last couple of years, I've 136 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:46,080 gotten much better at identifying what that line is 137 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,120 for me and at what point I need more time to myself and how many 138 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,200 hours a day or how many days I can show up as the best version 139 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,120 of myself. Where I'm like, OK, going to 140 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,440 need to read my book for a while, going to need to sit here 141 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,960 quietly and not actively engage. And having that awareness has 142 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,760 allowed me to show up as a much better version of myself rather 143 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,760 than expecting myself to show up 100 percent 24 hours a day, 144 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,680 seven days a week and getting really irritable and snappy and 145 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,400 not making it an enjoyable experience for everyone else. 146 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,680 I think that's another thing as well that I want to keep in mind 147 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,280 here is that it's a two way St. It's not just when do you start 148 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,720 to not feel your best in social interactions, but when are you 149 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,000 taking away from others experiences. 150 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,240 I know that when I have my social battery too low or I 151 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:36,240 haven't slept well or I'm hangry or I'm really stressed or I'm 152 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,600 focused on something for work and I'm trying to be in a social 153 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,760 situation, I'm not as fun to be around and it's not as fun of an 154 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,960 experience for other people because I'm not bringing the 155 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,480 best version of myself. So I think it's also important 156 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:48,920 to understand that and have that lens. 157 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,000 This isn't just a selfish thing to be aware of. 158 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,840 Like when do I feel annoyed because my social battery's low, 159 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,840 but also when am I starting to take away from the social 160 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,640 situation or this event or this time that people are spending 161 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,960 together because I'm not showing up as the best version of 162 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,440 myself. And I think when you are able to 163 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,600 have those boundaries and advocate correctly and and know 164 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,880 your limits, I think the people around you appreciate that a lot 165 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,040 more than you just trying to push through and show up no 166 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,240 matter how you feel or what's going on. 167 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,520 Yeah, that's my that's my thoughts. 168 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,560 That's my hot take. So anyways, step one is to be 169 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,040 really aware of what your social battery is and whether you're 170 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,920 more introverted or extroverted, especially around family. 171 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,159 And everyone has different family dynamics. 172 00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:35,720 I don't know when you guys go on family vacation is like the 173 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,799 expectation that you're all around each other talking 24/7. 174 00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:41,440 Or is the expectation, oh, it's OK if we all hang out and read 175 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,640 our books together or we'll all my siblings and I just like sit 176 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,480 in bed and we'll watch TV at the end of the day. 177 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,000 And we don't have to be talking or engaging or playing the game 178 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,080 or whatever it is. And so kind of understanding 179 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,360 what those guidelines look like. When will you be able to 180 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,040 recharge or maybe have time for yourself and going into it, 181 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,480 having an awareness of, of when you might need to advocate for 182 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,120 those pockets of time. So that's the first thing. 183 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,680 The second thing I would do from a preventative planning 184 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:10,720 perspective going into family vacations is be really 185 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,960 intentional and proactive about coping skills. 186 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,360 And in the early days when I was like coming home from three East 187 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,640 or coming home from the therapeutic boarding school to 188 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,000 spend time with family, that meant having a written out visit 189 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,720 plan and being like, if this happens, these the skills I'll 190 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,480 use. If I feel this way, this is who 191 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,680 I call. I'll call the unit twice to just 192 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,800 check in and let them know what skills I'm using. 193 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,720 It was much more scaffolded and now it's like, OK, I'm packing 194 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,000 like this many books so I have something to do. 195 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,240 I'm aiming to only be on my phone this much every day. 196 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,880 So I'm present and engaged. My siblings and I have an 197 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,000 agreement around how we spend our time after we've like come 198 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,720 back from an activity for the day. 199 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,880 My family has more of an understanding about like how 200 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,000 family dinners goes and that like we're not on our phones, 201 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,960 but we're engaging. And then other times the day 202 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,440 there's more times where we can relax and just hang out. 203 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,680 I think what's also been cool and fun about getting older and 204 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,560 my siblings and I no longer being young and needing adult 205 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:11,960 supervision all the time is that there is more flexibility and 206 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,240 space for that. Like if someone's sick or not 207 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,800 doing well or just really low energy, being able to like opt 208 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,240 out of doing something that one day and everyone else can still 209 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,880 have a great time. And then you spend the rest of 210 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,240 the day together and there's less of that pressure and 211 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,160 structure around. Everyone has to be together all 212 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,720 the time because that's just a necessity, which I'm the oldest. 213 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,320 So that was kind of part of family vacation for a very long 214 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,040 time. So I would say be very 215 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,760 intentional about the coping skills you're going to use and 216 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,880 how you're going to tolerate distress if that arises. 217 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,000 And if you're someone that's I am expecting a lot of distress. 218 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,520 I am just trying to make it through this family vacation 219 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,240 scaffold that a lot make a list like if I feel angry, I'm 220 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,520 calling this person. If I'm just feeling a little bit 221 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,560 anxious, I'll text this front. I've downloaded these movies for 222 00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,080 the flight. I am downloading these books on 223 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,280 my Kindle so that I have something to do. 224 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:06,160 I am making sure that I am getting this many hours of sleep 225 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:09,520 every night and I'm making sure that I'm drinking enough water 226 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,040 and getting enough food so I'm not hungry. 227 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,160 And you're doing like everything possible to give yourself the 228 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,680 best chance emotionally. And you have a list on your 229 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:20,280 phone and you're like, I'm going to use the tip scale or I'm 230 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,720 going to make sure I know where the gym is in case I need to do 231 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,320 some intense exercise. And I'm going to remember to do 232 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,600 my deep breathing. And my phone screen is square 233 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,040 breathing, whatever it is. So you could really scaffold it 234 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,560 or you can have a more flexible approach and be like, I brought 235 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,440 books. So I have a socially acceptable 236 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,920 way to kind of be more introverted and spend some time 237 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,440 to myself. I'm going to make sure that I 238 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,080 text and check in with friends like twice throughout the week 239 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,160 just so that I am able to let out any stress if needed. 240 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,160 I feel good about my ability to set a boundary or bring up 241 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,920 something challenging with family members and I know what 242 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,160 to expect on a day-to-day basis. So however much scaffolding you 243 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,200 need, go for it. Do a lot of scaffolding, not as 244 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,400 much, but definitely have some idea and intentionality around 245 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,880 coping skills and what to do if things get overwhelming. 246 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:09,080 And on that note, now getting more into what to do when you're 247 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,600 actually on vacation and tolerating distress in the 248 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,760 moment. We're gonna do a couple skills 249 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,080 that you can use if you're like, I'm really freaking out. 250 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,040 Maybe that you're having a conflict with a sibling that's 251 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,280 happened many a times on our family vacation. 252 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,240 Maybe you're feeling anxious and you just need some time by 253 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,760 yourself. Maybe you're feeling a lower 254 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,280 mood. All of these things have 255 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,200 happened to me many, many, many a times. 256 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,720 And there's also been lots of times where I've not handled 257 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,560 these things effectively and it has become a whole ordeal. 258 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,280 But in, in the best case scenario, if you need to take 259 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:43,040 some time away and use those coping skills or you need to get 260 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,440 away from a dinner or an activity or you just need some 261 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,400 time to yourself, whatever it is, I would recommend using a 262 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,360 dear man. And I would definitely do an 263 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,520 abbreviated one because I think you won't have the emotional 264 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,680 capacity to like describe an expression, Sir, and reinforce 265 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,320 when you're like, I'm literally freaking out. 266 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,400 I have so much anxiety but also I think it just is more 267 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,480 effective based on the situation, especially if it's a 268 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,040 casual ask. But I would definitely make sure 269 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,720 to offer some description. Like we've been out and about 270 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,240 all day, I haven't had any time to myself. 271 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,840 We've been go go go since 7:00 AM this morning. 272 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,920 I'm feeling really anxious and overwhelmed and honestly just 273 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,720 having trouble being present and engaged in dinner right now. 274 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,440 Can I take 5 minutes, just sit outside, get some fresh air, 275 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,280 ground myself, and then come back to the dinner? 276 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,600 I think I'll be a much better version of myself and be able to 277 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,200 engage. And with that, you're trying to 278 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,160 find something that's reinforcing for the other 279 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,760 person. And this can be more challenging 280 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,880 with when you're asking time for yourself. 281 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,720 But I think leaning on how you'll better contribute to the 282 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,720 situation is a great route to go. 283 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,720 Hopefully they'll say, yeah, of course, that's totally fine. 284 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,400 Or maybe you wouldn't even have to ask in that situation. 285 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,520 But that's kind of an example. And maybe it's a bigger ask. 286 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,000 Like we've spent the last three days doing all of our activities 287 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,280 together all day, every day. I'm feeling really overwhelmed 288 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,320 and anxious. And I'm sure you've noticed that 289 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:12,400 I've been having a difficult time showing up as the best 290 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,960 version of myself. Would it be OK if I spent the 291 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,120 morning by myself and then met up with you guys this afternoon? 292 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,240 I really think I'll be able to show up as a better version 293 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:25,280 myself and be more engaged and hopefully bring like a better 294 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,400 energy to the group and make sure that everyone is having a 295 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,720 great time. And also the next couple of days 296 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,560 be more recharged and refreshed and able to participate. 297 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,040 And you can negotiate. And maybe it's like, no, but you 298 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,040 go to breakfast early by yourself and then we can meet up 299 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,160 for the rest of the day, whatever it is. 300 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,720 So those are two ways I would use your man. 301 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,480 I think this is a much easier and more effective ask, 302 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,800 especially if it's a bit preventative and proactive 303 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,120 rather than you like having an anxiety attack or getting in an 304 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,360 argument or being really snappy or irritable. 305 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,840 The next thing that I would also say is helpful on family 306 00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:00,040 vacations, and this is something that my family has kind of 307 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,200 evolved and adapted over the years is having more open 308 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,080 communication and feedback around how trips have gone. 309 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,560 I think we've all in hindsight been like, that was really 310 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,040 stressful and there was a lot of arguing happening or like, you 311 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,520 know what, that was great. Everyone was in a good mood, We 312 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,920 all participated. There was a good balance of like 313 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:22,560 relaxing and doing activities. And we started to be more vocal 314 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,720 about that. And I don't know if feedback is 315 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,520 the right word, but kind of just like discussing how that went. 316 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,160 And it's great when my parents are like, you guys did a great 317 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,720 job on that trip and we were so proud of how you showed up and 318 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,360 got to spend time with everyone or everyone was like really 319 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,080 effective and responsible. Or you know what, it was really 320 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,600 busy. And I think we're all feeling a 321 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,680 little stressed and overwhelmed after that. 322 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,640 Or would have been great to have some more time where we had like 323 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,600 down days and just kind of hang out rather than be like go, go, 324 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,880 go, go, go the entire time. And I think it's a family that's 325 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,680 allowed us to be more intentional with how we plan 326 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,000 things. Shout out to my parents who are 327 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,160 often times planning things, but we also will sometimes take on 328 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,160 some of the planning roles with like dinners or lunches or 329 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,520 reservations or if we wanted to do an activity. 330 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,920 And so when people are communicating about how they 331 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,080 think the bounds of the trip is going, then whoever's planning, 332 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,480 whether it's us or my parents are able to pick, OK, we'll do 333 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,760 three nights where we'll go to dinner and then one night maybe 334 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,040 we'll plan for the chillaxed, just hang out casual night. 335 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,880 Or we'll do like two nice dinners where we all get dressed 336 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,720 up and it's a whole thing. And then the other nights we'll 337 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,880 do something much more chill and casual and we can just kind of 338 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,800 go and hang out and not have that be like a three hour long 339 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,080 situation. And again, this dynamic shifted 340 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,800 for a family as a whole. But I think if you want to be 341 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,440 the one that starts that and be like, I had a really great time 342 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,720 with how we planned this trip. And I loved our casual dinner as 343 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,800 I felt like we were all laughing and having a great time. 344 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,440 Or it was really fun that we had two nights where we all got 345 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,480 dressed up and got to take photos and really just had a 346 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,080 great time with the trip. Or we had so many activities and 347 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,560 we were going from point A to point B the entire time. 348 00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,200 And I really enjoyed that one afternoon where we got to relax. 349 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,960 It'd be so fun if we got to do that again. 350 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,359 Next time you can start that conversation. 351 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,079 And if you have siblings or parents that chime in, I think 352 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:09,800 that's been really effective and helpful for us to kind of get a 353 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,280 pulse on how things are going and plan things accordingly. 354 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,160 And I think as a result, we all show up as better selves on 355 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,839 these trips. We're able to spend more time 356 00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:19,680 together. It's like good quality time that 357 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,839 we enjoy. And no one is leaving the trip 358 00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:25,640 like stressed and burnt out and overwhelmed and all the things 359 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,440 so communicating how the trip went for everyone and things 360 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,680 that they liked and wanted to incorporate more and things that 361 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,800 they're like, you know what, next time let's skip that. 362 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:38,800 Like one time we did a horseback ride in Oregon and we went with 363 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:44,240 our family friends and it was like 100° out, but we had fun in 364 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,280 the past horseback riding. And so our family friend asked 365 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,720 me, she was like, hey, Sadie, do you think we should do the 45 366 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,440 minutes or like, do you think we should do the 20 or like the 45 367 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,520 minute horseback ride? And was like definitely 45. 368 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,800 Everyone's going to love this. It's going to be so great. 369 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,760 Definitely the 45 minutes. And when I tell you guys, every 370 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:06,200 single 45 minutes of this was in the direct burning sunlight 371 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,320 desert, no shade. It was so hot. 372 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,520 And we're like walking through this desert and there's patches 373 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,400 of trees. We're like, oh, are we going to 374 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,640 go over there and walk the horses and the trees? 375 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,240 And the guide was like, no, this is the path. 376 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,000 We just stay here in the sun. We were all dying, we were all 377 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,440 overheating at the end, like almost everyone jumped into a 378 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,480 river to try and cool down. And after that we had a little 379 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,680 recap and we were like, you know what? 380 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,760 That was too long of a horseback ride and it was much too hot to 381 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,440 be doing that activity. And next time we will do the 20 382 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,960 minutes if a horseback ride at all. 383 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,080 And now we laugh about it and it's a hilarious story, but it's 384 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,520 helpful to communicate and make sure everyone's on the pulse for 385 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,920 those things because I going into it was like everyone's 386 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,960 going to love a 45 minute horseback ride. 387 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,800 Is there an option to go longer? Because this is going to be such 388 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,240 a hit and it was not a hit. So I think that can be really 389 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,480 helpful. And I know it's harder, like as 390 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,520 a kid to be the one starting that conversation, but I think 391 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,960 even if you're just doing it casually, it can be a great way 392 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,000 to kind of make sure everyone's on the same page and knows what 393 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,880 their boundaries and limits are. Another thing that's been really 394 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,760 helpful for me going to trips is kind of having some idea what 395 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,400 the activities or itinerary is going to be. 396 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,480 And this could be just like, OK, we are flying on these days and 397 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,680 we have dinner reservations on these days throughout the week 398 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,720 or this place is nice. This place is more casual and 399 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,120 I'm a little type A anxiety prone. 400 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:35,880 I like to kind of plan these things and understanding when 401 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,640 there will be times to relax and when there's time to we're 402 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,120 meeting up with friends or there's a more structured 403 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,320 activity that's really helpful for me to plan and not have that 404 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,720 anxiety of like, Oh my gosh, I don't know when I'm going to 405 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,200 have to be socially on and go, go, go for the entire day. 406 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,880 And so if you can, asking for a general idea of what that's 407 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,720 going to look like. And even if you're listening and 408 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,360 you're an adult and you're planning your own trip with 409 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,440 friends, I think this is something that's really easy to 410 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,920 do for yourself and putting on your calendar and just blocking 411 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,240 things that and being like, OK, this time we have dinner and 412 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,560 this day we said we were going to get breakfast at this time. 413 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,240 This is when we have to drive here. 414 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,560 And so this is the block where if I need time to myself, this 415 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,000 is when I do that. And you can literally do that in 416 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,120 your. Normal routine throughout the 417 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:17,840 week, but especially if there's more things changing, that's 418 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,680 really important. I think it's kind of the TLDR 419 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,560 here is when you are on any kind of trip or vacation or in a new 420 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,600 environment, you're not able to be an autopilot and use your 421 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,080 same skills and routines and you're not seeing the same 422 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,520 people that you do most of the time. 423 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,680 And so your support system is going to look a little bit 424 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,120 different. Your daily routine is going to 425 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,520 look different. So you have to be more 426 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,960 intentional and proactive and expect maybe a little bit more 427 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,160 distress than you would in your home environment. 428 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,920 Another thing that I will throw into this general concept of 429 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,360 checking in and getting a pulse on how people are doing. 430 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,840 Early on, when I would go home and visit from when I was in 431 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,920 treatment or I would spend the weekend with my parents when 432 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,400 they came to see me at residential, we would have these 433 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,600 more daily structured check insurance where it was like, how 434 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,000 are you doing? Are you feeling depressed? 435 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,920 Are you feeling anxious? How are urges going? 436 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,280 And it was much more structured so that they were able to check 437 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,080 in with me. I was able to practice being 438 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,920 more vulnerable and communicating my needs. 439 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,280 But I think that idea has kind of continued to be something 440 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,520 that's helpful on in these family vacations and in these 441 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,960 dynamics. But if you are someone who is 442 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,000 expecting the strip to be very stressful and overwhelming or 443 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,800 expecting distress to arise, putting in those more structured 444 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,680 check insurance and like at night, can we just talk about 445 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,880 how the day went and how I'm feeling and if it was really 446 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,960 anxiety provoking or if things are going OK or like if I'm 447 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,960 feeling depressed or actually everything's fine. 448 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,800 So I did want to add that on there where it can be more 449 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,160 structured and adapt beyond just like, hey, how did that go for 450 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,520 everyone? And then the next thing that I 451 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,680 wanted to touch on is specific coping skills that I pull from 452 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,040 when I'm on family vacations or specific coping skills that are 453 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,840 easy to use. And these kind of environments 454 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,600 where you're away from home, you don't have your normal routine, 455 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,200 you're not able to probably like call your friends or reach out 456 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,120 to your normal support system. The first one that I would 457 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:03,400 definitely go for is stop. This is from the DBT distress 458 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,520 tolerance module and it's stop. Take a step back, observe and 459 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,480 proceed mindfully. And I think this is really 460 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,800 helpful in interpersonal situations, whether there's 461 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,640 conflict or you're just around different people than normal. 462 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,040 If you're in a new environment and you're feeling more anxious 463 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,600 or lonely or overwhelmed or just not at ease, being able to stop 464 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,800 and like physically or mentally take a step back from the 465 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,720 situation. Observe not only what's going 466 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,320 wrong around you, maybe it's what the other person said, 467 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,280 maybe it's how you reacted, but also emotionally, how am I 468 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,200 feeling? What am I thinking? 469 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,080 Am I sweating or my fist clenched? 470 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,240 Am I feeling like I'm going to start crying? 471 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,200 Whatever it is, being really mindful of that and then coming 472 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,640 up with a plan to proceed mindfully. 473 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,360 Like what skills am I going to use? 474 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,280 Am I going to use a dear man? Am I going to try and take 5 475 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,920 minutes to myself? Am I going to advocate for time 476 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,000 for myself tomorrow? Am I going to reflect on this 477 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,480 during our nightly check in and all the things we just talked 478 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,200 about? Whatever it is, I think stop 479 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,360 skill is always a really great place to start. 480 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:05,560 There are also a lot of skills that I learned in especially 481 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,600 group therapy around navigating anxiety and settings like 482 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,000 restaurants or just when you're around a lot of people and one 483 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,880 of them was padding, like crossing your arms over your 484 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:19,200 chest, so one hand is on each shoulder and alternating padding 485 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,240 those hands. So your arms are crossed and you 486 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,200 pat your left shoulder, then your right shoulder, your left 487 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,480 shoulder, then your right shoulder. 488 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,760 I don't know if this is actually accurate, but basically when we 489 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,680 use our right hand, we're activating the left side of our 490 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,680 brain. When we use our left hand, we're 491 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,280 activating the right side of our brain. 492 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,120 And so the idea is that by tapping those alternate sides, 493 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,240 UA have something very tactile to focus on. 494 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,240 And you're trying to repeat this pattern, which kind of takes you 495 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,000 out of the mental. But apparently it also helps 496 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,720 with like your brain signals and using both sides of your brain. 497 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,360 But at least having the pattern and something physical to focus 498 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,240 on is very calming. And you line it up with your 499 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,560 breath. Deep breathing is a huge one, 500 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,880 especially if you're in like a family environment or you're 501 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,120 having conflict or you're in a restaurant and things are just 502 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,520 busy. That is a skill you can use 503 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,640 anywhere. I really like counting as well, 504 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,200 counting things around you. Maybe there's floor tiles and 505 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,120 you're counting however many of them you can see, or you are 506 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,440 counting as high as you can and multiple. 507 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,160 So your brain is working a little bit to kind of think 508 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,760 about what's coming next. Another good one that most 509 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,440 people have heard of is five things you can see, four things 510 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,080 you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can 511 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,160 smell, one thing you can taste. I might have gotten the any 512 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,680 order wrong, but that's another great counting one that you can 513 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:31,320 do anywhere, anytime. I'm a very good mental pep talk 514 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,240 girl. Like it's going to be OK, you're 515 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,560 going to get through this. We're doing our deep breathing, 516 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,800 we're counting things around us. It is going to be all right. 517 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,320 And just kind of having that on repeat in my head. 518 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,840 It kind of breaks up the thoughts, but also it's very 519 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,160 encouraging and mentally is very helpful for me. 520 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,320 You guys know that like if it's a panic attack, I love, love, 521 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,840 love and ice dive. We just did a mini episode about 522 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,880 how to survive a panic attack and, and you should listen to 523 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,320 that, I'll link it in the show notes. 524 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,240 But that gives you some really tactile and tangible skills that 525 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,480 you can use if you like, absolutely need to tolerate some 526 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,440 extreme distress. Then we talked about some 527 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,600 communication skills that you can pull from and use. 528 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,040 I think over communicating in these situations, how you're 529 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,920 feeling, how it's going is really helpful and appreciated 530 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,800 by other people. And also distraction. 531 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,320 I think especially when you're in a new environment and it's 532 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,640 for a short period of time, distraction is warranted. 533 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,680 And OK if you're not familiar with distraction as a coping 534 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,240 skill, we want to use that very short term because we can't just 535 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,000 avoid everything forever. It's going to get more 536 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,640 overwhelming and come back bigger and bite us in the butt. 537 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,680 But if you're like on a family vacation and you're in a 538 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,160 restaurant and it's feeling really overwhelming, reading 539 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,160 your book or talking to someone instead of thinking about and 540 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,080 sitting with that emotion in that moment. 541 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,960 Or if you're anxious about traveling and going on a flight 542 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,480 or being in a car for a long time, whatever it is, watching a 543 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,920 movie you like, watching a show you like, reading a book that 544 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,040 you've been wanting to read. Those distraction skills can be 545 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,720 really helpful in that short term when it's a short amount of 546 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,640 time that you expect to experience anxiety. 547 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,160 And then you guys know I talk about this all the time, but 548 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,960 emotional vulnerability is like how susceptible you are to 549 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:08,320 experiencing intense emotions. And being on a family vacation 550 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,040 is like a master class in emotional vulnerabilities 551 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,360 because you're in a new place, you're not going to have your 552 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:14,760 same night routine and sleep routines. 553 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,480 Your sleeps probably going to be a little bit off. 554 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,560 It's not as easy to get in your normal scheduled meals and 555 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,880 snacks. So you might be a little bit 556 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,280 more hangry. You're using a different support 557 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:24,800 system. You're around people more than 558 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,960 you are normally. All of these things add to your 559 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,640 emotional vulnerabilities. So doing anything that you can 560 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,720 to boost that emotional vulnerability, which is what 561 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,840 we're talking about in this episode, like preparing as far 562 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,480 as the coping skills you're going to use and setting 563 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,920 boundaries and having those check insurance put in place, 564 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,600 all of those things will help reduce and prevent that as much 565 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,680 as possible. And then the last thing that I'm 566 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,880 going to mention for this episode is reinforcing and 567 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,320 expressing gratitude around these boundaries or skills that 568 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,720 you're setting. If you were in treatment process 569 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,960 or you and your family are like working on things in therapy or 570 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,960 you're getting better at being vulnerable and they're getting 571 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,960 better at validating whatever it is, anything that you can do to 572 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,680 reinforce those behaviors in your siblings or your parents or 573 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,440 even yourself, do some self validation is huge. 574 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,360 So if you set your boundary of like, can I spend 5 minutes 575 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:17,560 outside doing some deep breathing and then I'll be right 576 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,160 back in a better version of myself? 577 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,160 And your parents are like, sure, go for it when you come back. 578 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,240 Thank you so much. That was really, really, really 579 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:25,800 helpful for me to describe myself. 580 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,240 I'm feeling a lot better and I really appreciate you guys 581 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,640 accommodating that request. Can I spend tomorrow morning by 582 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,200 myself and then regroup and be way more present and 583 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,400 participate? Sure. 584 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,880 I guess that's fine. We don't really have anything 585 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,560 planned. Thank you so much. 586 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,880 This really allowed me to recharge and I'm really excited 587 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,160 to engage and be more present. And I have all my coping skills 588 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,280 and I spent this time really thinking about how I can be the 589 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,480 best version of myself. And I really hope you can see 590 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,720 that during the next couple of days where you check in. 591 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,240 You're like, today was really anxious and overwhelming and I 592 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,840 honestly was kind of stressed, but I I use my coping skills and 593 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,480 I was proud of myself. And your parents are like, OK, 594 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,040 that's great. Thank you so much for sharing 595 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,600 with us. We're so proud of you for using 596 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,520 your coping skills and let us know if there's anything we can 597 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,520 do. If you're feeling anxious, you 598 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,160 respond, reinforce. Thank you so, so, so much for 599 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,760 saying that. That really means a lot to me. 600 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:17,000 You have no idea how much it feels good to feel heard and 601 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,320 seen and respected. I just appreciate you guys 602 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,920 listening and being willing to hear me check in and tell you 603 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,760 how the day went for me. Anything like that you can do, 604 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,400 go for it. That's how you reinforce his 605 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,840 behaviors and increase the likelihood of them happening 606 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,160 again. And then afterwards we talked 607 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,320 about like, OK, check in with the group, what went well, what 608 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,320 didn't, how was the balance? But also you can afterwards do 609 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,040 reinforcement of the things that were helpful. 610 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,640 Like I really, really, really appreciated how you guys 611 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,840 structured this this way. I really appreciate that you 612 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,360 guys made the time every night to check in with me and see how 613 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,960 things were going. Really appreciated that you guys 614 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,280 were mindful and OK with me going outside to do my deep 615 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,800 breathing or spending time to myself at the end of the day so 616 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,120 I could read my book and just kind of recharge a little bit, 617 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,280 reinforce those at the end of the trip. 618 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,560 And also gratitude for people making space for that is another 619 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,120 big thing. So those are my family vacation 620 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:13,080 skills, ideas, tips, tricks. Basically the idea here is that 621 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,240 you're going to have more emotional vulnerability because 622 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,280 you're not in your normal routine and you're not using 623 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,600 your normal support system, and there's going to be stressors 624 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,640 that you can't control and solve for. 625 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,080 So what we're going to do is we're going to communicate that 626 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,720 ahead of time to the people around us. 627 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,040 We're going to set boundaries and make sure we're showing up 628 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,200 as the best version of ourselves. 629 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,480 And that could be maybe related to your social battery or if 630 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,680 you're stressed or overwhelmed, you need to take some time to 631 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,920 yourself. Whatever it is, we're going to 632 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,320 be really preventative and proactive with our coping 633 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,240 skills. Make sure we have a plan going 634 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,680 in, lean on distraction if that's necessary because this is 635 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,080 a short term situation. And then afterwards, 636 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,400 communicate, recap, discuss how it went for everyone, and 637 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,000 reinforce as much as possible the things that worked and went 638 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,200 well. Especially if in the past family 639 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,000 vacations meant like more arguing or bickering or conflict 640 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,000 or whatever it is. Reinforcing things that went 641 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,960 well and boundaries that were respected is really, really 642 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,640 huge. I would love to hear from you 643 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,080 guys if this was helpful. What are your tips for family 644 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,040 vacations? Did I forget anything? 645 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,920 Do you have any funny stories? Let me know. 646 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,600 And I also want to really, really, really emphasize here 647 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,840 that we've had a lot of bad family vacations. 648 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,920 I think any point when I was depressed and anxious, I was 649 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:28,280 like the worst participant and member on the family vacation. 650 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,720 I also missed so many because I was in treatment or I just 651 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,720 couldn't go. I wasn't mentally in the spot. 652 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,000 The mental health was the priority at that point and I 653 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,120 just couldn't show up for those things at that time because I 654 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,400 was like going to group therapy everyday or whatever it was. 655 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,400 So if you're listening to this and you're like wow, you sound 656 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,600 great, but like I am struggling to do my deep breathing as the 657 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,440 only skill I'm using. I get it. 658 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,320 I've been there. And again, I have not been the 659 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,800 best person myself on many a family vacation and luckily my 660 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,160 parents and siblings have given me a lot of grace with that. 661 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,760 And I think we're in a really good spot now, which is really 662 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,000 cool. And so I hope these tips are 663 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,880 helpful. Give yourself grace. 664 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,120 You will get there. I'm still getting there. 665 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,800 It is a journey. And yes, let me know what you 666 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,720 guys think and I'll talk to you on Monday for a mini.