Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought, why
didn't I just say what I really meant?
Or maybe you've stayed silent all together, not because you
didn't care, but because you were afraid of being
misunderstood again. Hi, I'm Carol Jean Whittington
and welcome to Beyond Chronic Burnout, the talk show for
autistic women and the helping professionals who support them.
This week we're diving into something powerful and deeply
healing shadow work and communication.
We'll explore how the parts of ourselves we hide were were
taught to hide shape our voice, our self-expression, and our
ability to be heard and understood.
And if you've ever felt like you don't know how to communicate
your needs without masking or people pleasing, this episode is
for you. By the end of today's
conversation, you'll walk away with a deeper understanding of
how shadow work can support autistic self-expression, how
your Indiagram type may be impacting your communication
fears, and real tools to begin unsilencing your voice gently,
compassionately, and with power. Let's get started.
Step. Out of the shadows, feel the
power of rise. Catch the spark inside you.
Let your spirit fly. Be on the Chronic for now.
Carol Jeans, your guy. Find yourself happy with a nice
joy on the tide. So this fall is bright and bold.
Leave the bird apart behind in this journey hearts unfold.
How is your sea can find? I want to take you back to a
moment when I realized just how much I've been silencing myself.
Not just the situational or temporary mutism, but when I was
silencing and keeping myself quiet because I either didn't
have the words or I was afraid to share what I really thought
because I didn't want to be rejected.
I didn't want to feel hurt or misunderstood.
It was a time where it wasn't in a loud argument or an obvious
conflict that I really started to notice this.
It was in a quiet moment, sitting across from someone I
deeply cared about and realizing I was answering their questions
with what I thought they wanted to hear instead of what I
actually felt. I had spent so long trying to be
easy to be around, right? So long reading everyone's
emotional temperature and energy that I had completely lost my
own voice. Not just metaphorically.
I had no words. That's when I started exploring
shadow work. Not the spooky, scariest kind,
but like, the real kind. The kind that asks what parts of
myself have I buried to stay safe.
As I began doing this work, the shadow work, I uncovered
communication patterns I had developed from trauma, over
explaining, softening my opinions, staying silent when I
needed support. This wasn't just about
confidence, it was about unmasking.
And the more I honored those hidden parts of me, the clearer
my voice became. It wasn't louder, it was truer.
So what exactly is shadow work, and why is it so relevant for
autistic women? Shadow work is the process of
exploring and integrating the parts of ourselves that we've
hidden, that we've rejected or masked away to feel safe,
accepted, or less different or othered.
For autistic women, that often means the parts of us we've
learned to suppress in order to survive in a world that didn't
recognize or honor our neurotype.
Whether it was the way you stemmed, spoke too directly,
asked quote UN quote, too many questions, or needed space to
process emotions, chances are someone told you those traits
were too much, too weird, or just wrong.
And so you masked them. You buried them over time, those
disowned parts from the shadow, not because they're bad, but
because we were told they had no place in the light.
Shadow work invites us to gently turn toward those parts and ask,
Did I have to hide to feel safe? What part of me is still waiting
for permission to be heard? Where in my life am I still
performing instead of expressing?
And here's where communication comes in.
When we are disconnected from our shadow, we are also
disconnected from our voice. That disconnection from our
voice often shows up as people pleasing and over explaining,
staying silence in moments that matter to us, emotional shutdown
where we're overwhelmed, a fear of conflict that leads to
avoidance or self erasure. Sound familiar?
And when you add trauma, especially for years of masking,
invalidation, and sensory overwhelm, our communication
styles can become more about survival than connection.
Now here's where it gets fascinating.
Each anagram type. And remember, we talked about
identifying your anagram type in our last episode, so go check
that out if you missed it. But each anagram type has
specific communication fears that stem from their core
motivations and unmet needs. Let me give you a few examples.
In this coming week, I'll have an article with all of these.
But type twos may avoid expressing needs because they
fear being seen as needy or unwanted.
Type fives like me may retreat and withhold communication,
fearing they don't have enough energy or information to engage.
Type nines may silence themselves to avoid conflict,
convince their voice doesn't really matter.
Can you see how those unconscious fears shape the way
we speak, or don't? When we bring compassion to
those hidden motivations, we stop trying to fix our
communication style and instead start healing it.
Check out this week's article publishing this Friday on the
Recharge, Reclaiming Your Voice in a Neurotypical World, to go
even deeper on each of the 9 anagram types and how each one
can hold a communication shadow rooted in a specific fear.
Now remember, none of this is weakness.
It's wisdom. It's your body saying this
doesn't feel safe. Yet through shadow work, we
began to build that safety internally first.
So our communication no longer comes from fear, but from truth.
We can become more congruent, meaning our internal experience
and our external expression start to align.
We close that integrity gap that we've talked about here, and
that's where healing really begins.
Not in being louder, but in being more whole and safe.
And don't worry, we're not doing this alone.
In this week's recharge download, I've created a full
PDF workbook entitled Journaling Prompts for Shadow Exploration,
Unveiling Your Authentic Self. It includes 18 guided prompts
across categories like unmet needs, emotional repression,
masking, and communication, perfect for deepening this work
in your own way and at your own pace.
If you're an autistic woman who's tired of feeling hijacked
by your hormones, or you support autistic women who struggle with
mood swings, burnout, or chronic conditions like PMDD, M Cast, or
POTS, this is for you. We're often told it's just
anxiety or that we're too sensitive when hormone changes
hit hard. But for autistic women, those
changes can feel like the ground shifting beneath us.
We're worse. And when we don't have a map or
language for what's happening, it leads to more shutdown, more
burnout, and more isolation. That's why I created Hormone
Harmony, a live online event designed to help you understand
your hormones through a neurodistinct lens.
Whether you're menstruating, navigating perimenopause like
me, or dealing with conditions like EDS, POTS or PMDD, this
session gives you practical tools to finally tract, predict
and respond to your body with compassion instead of confusion.
You'll get a guided body rhythm tracker, insights into a
hormone, supportive nutrition, and options for movement and
recovery that actually work with your sensory profile and Co
occurring conditions. Plus helping professionals will
learn what to look for, what to ask and how to support without
overwhelming. Join me live on May 29th at 1:00
PM Central Time. It's completely free to attend
and there's AVIP Upgrade if you'd like to access the replay
and an additional live Q&A session with me.
Let's move from hormone chaos to hormone harmony together.
Click the link in the bio or comments to save your seat
because your cycle doesn't have to feel like a mystery and your
body deserves to feel safe, understood, and supported.
Let's begin by preparing the soil.
This is our moment to pause, get grounded, and createspace for
today's insights to take root. Let's connect inward for a
moment. If it feels safe to do so and
you're not operating equipment, soften your gaze or close your
eyes. Bring your attention to the area
just above your heart. Take a deep breath in and out.
Now ask yourself what part of me has been longing to be heard?
You don't have to have an answer just yet.
Just listen. It might be a younger part of
you, a protective part, a tired part.
Just notice and breathe. This isn't about judgement, it's
about compassionate curiosity. Take a moment just to notice
what part of me has been longing to be heard.
You're going to pause right here and just allow some space for
your inner knowing. Begin getting comfortable and to
share with you or at least start the process
if you feel comfortable doing so.
Place your hand over the place on your body that was speaking
to you and his longing to be heard.
As you breathe in, send kindness and gratitude to this part of
you that has been keeping silent to keep you safe.
As you exhale, release the need to continue the silence.
Continue to gently inhale and exhale.
Inhale and exhale. Sense your body where it comes
in contact with the surface beneath you.
Feel the support and the steadiness holding you in this
moment. Begin to move your body or even
stretch as you come back into this present moment with me.
Now that we're grounded and open, let's move gently into
today's energy in action. Opportunity.
Heart first, with compassionate curiosity, we've made room.
Now let's plant the seed. This is your gentle invitation
to try something new, one small shift at a time.
Here's your energy in action. Experiment for this week.
Identify one communication pattern you'd like to shift.
Maybe you notice you over apologize, or you say I'm sorry
for before every sentence or after.
Maybe you stay quiet when you want to contribute.
Perhaps you soften your tone so you won't be too much or
misunderstood. Practice bringing awareness to
why you do that. What's the fear behind it?
Check your anagram type and see so that you might get a little
more clarity on that. What need might not be getting
met? To support this reflection,
check out this week's Recharge Subscriber Bonus.
You'll get a shadow exploration journaling workbook that
includes prompts to identify your inner critic,
perfectionism, or repressed emotions.
Exercises to explore how masking influences your communication.
Reflections to help you reconnect with your voice and
begin expressing needs with confidence.
That's your seed for today. Nourish it with curiosity and
let it grow in your own time. And now we water and nourish.
These are your reflection prompts to deepen today's
insight and support sustainable self discovery.
This week I've got 2 prompts for you, and there are 16 more
waiting for you in the full Shadow Workbook in the Recharge
Library. You can use the subscription
link in the show notes below. What parts of my voice have I
hidden to stay safe? How can I begin to communicate
my needs without guilt or apology?
And finally, a little bonus here, how does my shadow
influence my communication style?
There's no rush. Let your reflections unfold with
gentleness because your healing deserves time and tenderness.
Welcome to Route to Practice, where we take the insights from
today's episode and ground them into real world tools for your
work as a helping professional. Let's translate theory into
meaningful neuroaffirming care. Here's how you can bring shadow
work into your support practice with autistic clients.
Normalize the communication differences and masking are
often protective strategies rooted in trauma, not flaws.
Use our new shadow Exploration workbook as an in session or
homework tool. Guide your client through
identifying the inner critic or the saboteur.
Use the shadow and communication section to explore masking
patterns in relationships. And don't forget, you can hop
over to Whittington wellbeing.com and share that
masking styles quiz with your clients and take it for yourself
as well. You can also pair this workbook
with your client's anagram type to identify communication fears
and self silencing patterns unique to their personality and
lived experience. And finally, practice shadow
reframing by asking what part of you is trying to protect you by
staying silent? What needs what need was being
suppressed when you chose not to speak.
That's your practice route for today.
Take what resonates, adapt it for your style, and keep
supporting your clients with care that's grounded,
compassionate and real. Communication is more than
words, it's self trust in action.
Whether you're autistic, supporting someone who is, or
just learning to speak your truth with clarity and courage,
shadow work can be a gentle path towards rediscovering your
voice. Unmasking isn't just about what
you reveal to the world, it's also about what you are ready to
reveal to yourself. Shadow work is a beautiful
layered process. It helps you reconnect with the
parts of you that have been hidden, and in doing so, it
transforms the way you communicate, advocate, and
relate to yourselves and to others.
Your affirmation this week. I am unsilencing my authentic
voice. I am unsilencing my authentic
voice. I'll see you this Saturday for
Brand new Things That Really Matter episode with Becca,
Laurie, Hector. We're talking all about how to
ask for help, why it feels impossible sometimes, and how we
can begin to do it safely. And we'll be debunking some big
lies that we get told along the way.
And don't forget to grab your Shadow Exploration Workbook,
plus your clinician's companion to Alexa Thymia.
All available now inside the Reese Charge Subscriber Library.
You can sign up in the link in our show notes below.
If you're a subscriber to the Recharge, be sure to check your
inbox today. A special.
Memorial Day offer is waiting just for you.
Exclusive access to our mini retreat on demand with a limited
time savings code. This is the only place you'll
get this offer, so don't miss it.
Want to go deeper? This Friday's article is for
you. It's called reclaiming
authenticity in a neurotypical world.
Shadow work and autistic communication.
Inside this article, you'll find expanded insight into how the
shadow forms through masking, how your communication patterns
are shaped by what you hide. Clinical strategies to support
this process if you're a helping professional.
And in our next Wednesday episode, we're taking this even
further. On June 11th, I'll be back with
a powerful solo episode on unmasking your core values.
Here's your sneak peek. Do you ever feel like you're
drifting through life, unsure of what truly matters to you?
We're diving into the power of unmasking your core values and
how living in alignment can reignite clarity, energy, and
direction. Until then, take your time with
this episode. Grab the journaling prompts,
download in the show notes, and know this.
You're not too much, you are not broken, and you don't have to
silence your truth to belong. Keep on masking with care, my
beautiful, sparkly humans. Before we go, if this episode
has been helpful to you, please share it with a friend or
colleague. Until next time, be kind to your
system and keep on masking with care as you get into your
comfort zone. My friend, like my T-shirt
today, says this is part of my new Living Unmasked product line
series and it says in my comfort era.
So remember, part of unmasking is getting into your comfort
zone. I'll see you on Saturday.
Take care. It's been quite all right.
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