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Hello and welcome back to home 
and hosting with me, Louis 

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Bourke. 
It feels so good to be behind 

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the mic. 
Today's episode is for anyone 

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who's ever hit that moment in 
life where you look around and 

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think, oh, this is not what I 
thought my life would look like 

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by now. 
And honestly, I do not think 

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that feeling ever completely 
disappears. 

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It just shifts. 
It gets louder or softer 

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depending on the season you're 
in. 

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Like the first time it probably 
hits is in the early teens. 

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You're sitting in the classroom 
thinking, is this the group that

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I want to be in? 
Then in year 12, you're just 

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trying to pick a degree that 
apparently shapes your whole 

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future because everyone asking 
you what are you going to go and

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study? 
And then in your 20s when you 

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move out for the first time and 
you realise that adult life is 

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90% cleaning and making dinner. 
And then in your 30s when you've

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pivoted enough times to fill out
the whole resume, maybe like 5 

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pages, you suddenly go OK, 
shouldn't this start to feel 

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good by now? 
Oh hey, maybe it's in the 40s 

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with the divorce, or the 50s 
with the empty nester reset, or 

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just a completely random season 
where everything feels a bit off

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kilter. 
We all have those periods where 

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life feels nothing like we see 
on an Instagram feed and 

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suddenly that version of you in 
your head and the version of you

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in your home, your wardrobe, 
your habits, they're just not 

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matching up. 
People always ask me about how 

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to be more put together, which 
is honestly such a lovely 

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question to be asked because I 
think it means that people see 

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me as put together and 
confident, which is a lovely 

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compliment, but it's also made 
me realise that there's 

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something really important. 
Looking put together has nothing

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to do with perfection or hitting
every milestone. 

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It's about living a life that 
reads as intentional and then 

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because of that, it actually 
feels intentional. 

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And that's what today's episode 
is about. 

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Because you're not behind. 
You might just be having a day 

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or just feeling a little bit 
unfocused, or you've never been 

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taught how to design your life. 
We live in an age where we're 

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told we have endless 
possibilities. 

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Be whoever you want, do whatever
you want. 

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Which sounds freeing, but it can
actually feel quite paralysing. 

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Even in design, when a client 
says the brief and the budget 

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are open, I really struggle to 
start because I like the 

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structure of a budget. 
I like the parameters. 

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I feel like it gives me 
direction. 

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So today I want to give you 
something like a blueprint. 

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If you want your home, your 
routines, your wardrobe, your 

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mindset, your whole vibe to feel
a little bit more cohesive, 

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elevated, grounded and 
purposeful, this is where you 

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start. 
So let's get into it. 

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The first thing I want you to 
hear today is you're not behind 

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and you're not late. 
You haven't missed your window. 

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What you're feeling is usually 
just the result of one thing, a 

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lack of direction, not a lack of
progress. 

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Most people live reactively. 
They buy things reactively. 

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They dress reactively. 
They fall into relationships 

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reactively. 
Their homes come together 

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reactively, one random purchase 
at a time, and then suddenly 

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life feels mismatched, 
cluttered, chaotic and you feel 

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mismatched, cluttered and 
chaotic. 

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Your home reflects your habits, 
your wardrobe reflects your 

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identity, your routines reflect 
your values, and your 

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environment influences your 
behaviour. 

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When those things are 
disconnected, you feel 

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disconnected. 
But the good news is, is that 

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you don't need a whole life 
overhaul. 

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You just need some cohesion, 
clarity, a bit of intention 

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behind the things you do and 
choose. 

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Because when you shift even 1 
area, be it your home, wardrobe,

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routines, everything else starts
aligning too. 

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That's when confidence returns. 
That's when life starts feeling 

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more put together. 
A lot of people think being put 

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together means being polished, 
expensive, structured, perfect. 

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But it doesn't. 
A put together life is simply a 

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cohesive life. 
Cohesion is when your home, your

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habits, the wardrobe, your 
mindset, your relationships, 

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your standards all feel like 
they belong to the same person. 

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It's the feeling of this makes 
sense. 

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This feels like me. 
And here's the interesting part.

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Most people are so resistant to 
cohesion. 

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Why? 
It's not because of laziness or 

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money or time. 
People resist cohesion because 

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they fear setting a standard for
themselves, because deep down, I

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think they don't trust that they
can meet it consistently. 

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If you choose cohesive habits or
a cohesive wardrobe, cohesive 

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home, it forces you to commit. 
It forces you to say, this is 

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the standard that I'm holding 
myself to, and a lot of people 

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don't want that responsibility. 
It's easier to stay inconsistent

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than admit that you're 
inconsistent. 

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It's easier to scatter your 
style than to risk being judged 

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for having one. 
It's easier to have a chaotic 

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home than maintain a calm one. 
But cohesion is not perfection, 

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it's clarity, it's direction, 
it's self respect and it's 

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identity. 
And you see it in everything. 

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Having all the same plants in a 
hedge instead of a random mix. 

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Owning and matching a set of 
mugs instead of 10 mismatched 

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mugs from your 20s. 
Choosing clothes that actually 

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speak the same language. 
Choosing a partner who values 

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aligned with the life that you 
want. 

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Making choices that point in the
same direction. 

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Cohesion isn't about being 
fancy, it's about supporting the

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life you want to live. 
And there are two types of 

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people, participants and 
curators. 

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And participation is the bare 
minimum version of living. 

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And that looks like buying 
whatever is convenient, wearing 

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clothes because they're clean, 
not because they suit you, 

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keeping clutter for the just in 
case, living reactively, not 

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intentionally. 
Participation is basically this 

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will do. 
And on the other side is 

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aesthetic living, which simply 
means that you care about how 

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something looks because you care
about how it makes you feel. 

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Aesthetic living is choosing 
things thoughtfully, creating 

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environments that calm you, 
dressing in a way that aligns 

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with your identity, surrounding 
yourself with things that 

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elevate your life. 
I know that the word aesthetic 

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you're going to think, because a
lot of people do, that 

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aesthetics is superficial. 
It's actually psychological. 

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Aesthetics create emotion. 
Your environment creates 

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behaviour, and your surroundings
shape how you show up. 

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Design isn't perfectionism, it's
emotional regulation. 

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When your space is intentional, 
you start living with intention 

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and your wardrobe is cohesive, 
you start behaving cohesively. 

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This is that shift from 
participant to curator. 

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And you cannot feel put together
in a cluttered environment. 

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Full stop. 
Clutter is loud, it's visually 

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noisy, it drains your energy. 
Even people who are like that, 

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you will sense it, you will feel
the energy when you speak to 

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them. 
So you need to just do this 

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visual edit. 
It doesn't have to be a dramatic

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purge, just a grown up edit. 
So remove anything that's 

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broken. 
Anything you bought just for now

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that became permanent. 
Anything from the past version 

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of yourself. 
Multiples of things that you 

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just do not need. 
Surface clutter that makes your 

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home look juvenile or just a 
mess. 

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Decluttering isn't deleting your
identity, it's deleting the 

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noise that's blocking it. 
A calm home creates a calm mind 

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and a clutter free environment 
instantly elevates how you feel 

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and how you behave. 
Now let's talk about the 

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wardrobe. 
Because it's yourself image 

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hanging in a row. 
If it's chaotic, old, random or 

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sloppy you will kind of feel the
same way. 

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So pick a palette and stick to 
it. 

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Prioritise fit over everything. 
Remove the ghosts or the past 

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selves, buy fewer and buy 
better, and dress for the life 

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that you want, not the one that 
you're tolerating. 

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Because when you dress 
intentionally, you behave 

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intentionally. 
Your presentation sets the tone 

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for your identity. 
Like if you start to relax and 

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let things slip, before you know
it you'll just be like, where 

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did I end up? 
Like what? 

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What is this? 
Have you ever had that moment I 

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have where you suddenly just get
ready to go? 

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What, what is this? 
Like, what, how did I get here? 

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And you just don't know. 
It just it just happens in the 

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blink of an eye. 
Whereas if you have that kind of

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intention and setting goals when
it comes to your wardrobe 

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because you wear it and you walk
around in it, I feel like it's 

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something that should have an 
instant connection with you. 

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You should feel it all the time.
I don't think it should be 

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something that stresses you out,
but I think it's something that 

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you should just be aware of 
because I think if it starts to 

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slip, that's when you can start 
to slip everywhere else. 

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Your presentation sets the tone 
for your identity. 

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So let's talk about the home. 
Because your home is the 

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backdrop of your life. 
A put together home doesn't mean

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it's big or expensive or it 
needs to be super intentional. 

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You just need to focus on 
lighting, textures, scent, 

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proper storage, everything, 
having a home, foundational 

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pieces, consistent styling, and 
daily micro routines. 

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Put together people aren't 
necessarily rich or perfect, 

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they're just consistent and 
routines make you look and feel 

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put together. 
These habits instantly elevate 

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your life. 
Simple things that you can do 

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right now like making the bed, 
having a nightly skin care 

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routine, ironing your clothes 
when you need to, a weekly 

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reset, watering your plants, 
movement, even a walk setting a 

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time where you go for a walk to 
get outside and clear your head.

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It is so good for people who are
overthinkers, over analyzers, 

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particularly creatives including
myself. 

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Physical activity like a walk is
so good. 

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It's something, it's just, it's 
so good. 

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It's peaceful. 
I'm telling you now, just go for

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a walk. 
Setting a time to do a walk once

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or twice a day really important.
Sam goes for planning your week,

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keeping your entryway clean. 
These aren't chores, They're 

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identity builders or identity 
reminders, whatever you feel 

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more comfortable calling it. 
Because I know it can feel quite

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dramatic. 
I think they're just things that

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you can come back to because I 
think when we ultimately these 

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things that we're setting up for
ourselves is holding ourselves 

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accountable to how we want to 
feel, the person that we want to

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be. 
So you keeping an entryway 

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cleared, it's like a promise 
you're making to yourself that 

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you'll do these things, you'll 
do the daily walk, you'll make 

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sure the entryway is clean, to 
hold yourself to a standard that

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you want to be, to make you feel
good so you don't end up in the 

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result of being like what's 
going on? 

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Everything's falling apart. 
I don't know what I'm doing. 

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You know, these small actions 
and small micro routine things 

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are actually the key to keeping 
things consistent, cohesive and 

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feeling good. 
And the same thing goes for if 

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those routines need a tweak 
seasonally, quarterly, so be it.

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Tweak them, make them feel 
better. 

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You're changing. 
You're like you're a living 

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thing. 
You change, life changes. 

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So don't just fall into the same
routines. 

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Reassess those routines and if 
they're not working for you, 

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change them. 
But I think having the routines 

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and having those micro things 
that go across home wardrobe and

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like well being with walks, 
they're important. 

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Keeping them in the back of your
mind, keeping that list there of

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the things to tend to will make 
you feel like you're more on 

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track all the time. 
And ultimately, they will make 

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you feel good and more 
comfortable when things go wrong

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in the home or relationships or 
wardrobe, whatever it is, if you

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have those little micro routines
across all different spots in 

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your life, it will. 
Those things, those pillars will

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keep you up when one of those 
pillars is falling down on the 

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wayside. 
The next thing I want to talk 

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about is buying for longevity. 
Because if you want to look put 

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together, you've got to start 
buying the fillers. 

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You sometimes need to ask like, 
will this age well? 

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Does this match my direction? 
Does this elevate my life? 

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Choosing timelessness over 
trends and quality over quantity

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and longevity over novelty. 
Because adulting is basically 

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choosing once instead of 
choosing repeatedly. 

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Like you know that saying buy 
once, cry once. 

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It might feel painful in the 
time because something might 

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cost you a lot of money or a lot
of effort, but you deep down you

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know that that is the thing that
you will have forever rather 

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than having to buy 3 of it. 
And I some reason, an example 

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that just jumped into my head 
because I feel like I say it 

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every year is Christmas trees. 
I have Balsam Hill Christmas 

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trees and I love them. 
You probably know I love them 

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and everything I say to someone 
when they see the price of it, I

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go look, Christmas is something 
that you celebrate every year. 

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These are the best Christmas 
trees. 

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You are better off just to buy 
that one Christmas tree that 

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you've really want from Balsam 
Hill. 

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Not the one that's the best one 
for the budget, not the one that

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you feel most comfortable to 
because it's like $600.00. 

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If your favourite most loved 
Balsam Hill Christmas tree is 

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$1200 and you can afford it, 
obviously bite the bullet and 

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buy the $1200 Christmas tree 
because it's the one that you 

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want. 
It's the one that you love and 

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it's the one that is just going 
to stick around for the rest of 

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your life. 
And you're going to buy once, 

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cry once. 
It's going to feel gut wrenching

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before you hit buy now. 
But as soon as you do, you're 

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just going to feel the 
excitement of the tree coming. 

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And then every Christmas when 
you pull it out, you're going to

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be like God, I love this tree. 
I don't think about any other 

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tree and you'll go to like DJ's 
or you'll go to Meijer and 

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you'll see the beautiful, the 
decorations and you'll see the 

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trees there and you're like, you
won't be doing the thing. 

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Oh, that tree's so nice. 
Oh, why didn't I just buy that 

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tree that I really wanted? 
You know, because you don't even

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look because you know, you've 
got an amazing tree. 

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And when you talk to your 
friends that I've got a great 

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tree. 
I love my tree. 

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You're not sitting there being 
like, because I'm telling you 

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now, what you'll do instead is 
you'll go to DJs and you're that

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$500 tree. 
It looks good. 

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I'll buy that one. 
And then the following 

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Christmas, you'd be like, yeah, 
that Balsam Hill tree, I've got 

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a good tree. 
I got it from DJs. 

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It was a good price. 
I like it. 

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But in the back of your mind, 
you're always just thinking 

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about that Balsam Hill tree when
you could have just put that 

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$500 into the $1200 one and just
have it buy once, cry once. 

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Being intentional buying for 
longevity. 

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It's important. 
And finally, the life edit 

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Bringing it all together, put 
together. 

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Life isn't built overnight. 
It's built in decisions. 

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Small decisions, consistent 
decisions, intentional 

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decisions. 
When you bring intention to your

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home, your wardrobe, your 
routines and your mindset, your 

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life becomes something you 
actually recognise as yours. 

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You don't just look put 
together, you feel put together 

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and that's the point. 
And it's really important 

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because people will question you
when you are put together. 

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Naturally. 
In Australia we're quite, people

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like to say we're quite casual. 
It's kind of like the island 

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life. 
There's lots of people that are 

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very cool, calm, collected, 
casual, go with the flow, except

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they actually appear to be some 
of the most judgmental people in

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the room. 
They will question you when you 

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seem put together because 
naturally you'll just pull out 

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the insecurities of other people
because again, people feel lost 

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because there's so many options 
and they haven't sat down and 

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they've reassessed and put 
things together. 

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Or I want to say that they're 
comfortable with things being up

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in the air and like type B. 
But then you wonder why they 

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would question you to begin with
if you appear type A and put 

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together. 
So they can't be happy because 

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if they're pulling out and 
pointing and poking and prodding

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at all those things that you 
are, clearly there's something 

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there where they need to 
reassess and you just need to 

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let it go. 
Because I think The thing is, I 

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not only think, I feel like I 
know. 

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The thing is, if you appear as 
someone that's put together and 

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cohesive and you're also a nice 
person and you're confident in 

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yourself, that triggers a lot of
people. 

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And what those people will try 
and do is they'll poke and prod 

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you to do something that makes 
you appear as a nasty person or 

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not a nice person because the 
person who's prodding you wants 

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to be able to walk away from 
that, like interaction with you 

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and said, yeah, well, you know, 
they might be put together. 

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They might have all these 
things, XY and Z and look good 

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on paper, but at least I'm a 
good person. 

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They're not a good person 
because you can't have nice 

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things and be cohesive and be 
nice. 

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You couldn't have done it in a 
nice way. 

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You have to be a nasty person. 
And that makes me feel good. 

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And you know why? 
Because it's free. 

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It's free to be a nice, 
respectful person and they think

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that they can have that one up 
over you because morally it's 

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00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,040
better to be a nice person than 
a nasty one. 

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And they think that your 
aesthetics are superficial and 

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00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,920
in order to be superficial you 
also have to be fake and not 

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00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,360
nice. 
So they'll try and like put you 

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00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,800
in that bucket to make them feel
better because they don't want 

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00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,560
to put in the work to be more 
cohesive and put together and 

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00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,800
feel ultimately better about 
themselves because they feel 

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00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,360
lost. 
Like really they should just ask

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for help and not be such, you 
know, not nice people. 

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I hope that makes sense to you 
and I hope you feel that you 

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00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,360
resonate with that because I 
face that a lot. 

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I do face it a lot, especially 
being a content creator in this 

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00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,400
space. 
I meet a lot of people and they 

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00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,680
definitely want to throw you in 
the bucket of not being a nice 

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00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:16,160
person because. 
It feels easier because again, 

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00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,400
like I said, it's free to be a 
nice person. 

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So in order to make someone who 
feels uncomfortable and insecure

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00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,880
feel good about themselves, 
they'll pitch themselves as the 

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00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,920
nice one. 
And I'm the superficial, not 

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00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,240
nice one. 
It just happens. 

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00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,760
And it look, you don't need to 
be a content creator to feel 

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00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,160
that. 
I'm sure a lot of people here, 

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00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,280
particularly people who listen 
to my podcast, do feel more 

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00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,960
cohesive and put together. 
And I'm sure they do experience 

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00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,840
this from family members, from 
siblings, from even people that 

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00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,840
you're really close with, like 
best friends as life goes on 

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00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,840
with adulting. 
Because like I said, you never 

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00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,960
know when you wake up those days
and you feel a bit unsure about 

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00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,720
yourself. 
It could just be a day, it could

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00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,120
be a season, it could be a life 
change. 

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00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,640
But just remember, if you have 
those pillars, like I said 

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00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,720
earlier, your home, your 
wardrobe, your relationships, 

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00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,160
your routines, if they're all in
place, it's very hard to shake 

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00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,840
you. 
If one of those pillars start to

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00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,040
feel a bit wobbly, it's OK 
because you've got those other 

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00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,000
ones there to hold you and back 
you up. 

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00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,080
And of course, you'll have 
people around you, like me, and 

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00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,640
like your good friends and 
family members, who can remind 

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00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,800
you of who you are, where you're
going, and who you want to be. 

359
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,720
So I hope you enjoyed today's 
episode. 

360
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,720
Share it with someone who maybe 
needs a little nudge, or maybe 

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00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,600
someone who's just having an off
day and wants a reminder that 

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00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,920
it's all good. 
Pillar feels a bit shaky, or 

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00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,960
what routine needs to be 
slightly reassessed, or what 

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00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,160
cupboard or wardrobe needs a bit
of a declutter. 

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00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,280
As always, thank you again for 
listening to Home and Hosting 

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00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,320
with Louis Bourke, your friend 
and Put together Living. 

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00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,240
Feel free to check out all my 
other content over on my social 

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00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:57,760
medias at Louis Burke and also 
on my journal Louis burke.com 

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00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,200
and I will see you all in the 
next one.