Hello and welcome back to home and hosting with me, Louis
Bourke. It feels so good to be behind
the mic. Today's episode is for anyone
who's ever hit that moment in life where you look around and
think, oh, this is not what I thought my life would look like
by now. And honestly, I do not think
that feeling ever completely disappears.
It just shifts. It gets louder or softer
depending on the season you're in.
Like the first time it probably hits is in the early teens.
You're sitting in the classroom thinking, is this the group that
I want to be in? Then in year 12, you're just
trying to pick a degree that apparently shapes your whole
future because everyone asking you what are you going to go and
study? And then in your 20s when you
move out for the first time and you realise that adult life is
90% cleaning and making dinner. And then in your 30s when you've
pivoted enough times to fill out the whole resume, maybe like 5
pages, you suddenly go OK, shouldn't this start to feel
good by now? Oh hey, maybe it's in the 40s
with the divorce, or the 50s with the empty nester reset, or
just a completely random season where everything feels a bit off
kilter. We all have those periods where
life feels nothing like we see on an Instagram feed and
suddenly that version of you in your head and the version of you
in your home, your wardrobe, your habits, they're just not
matching up. People always ask me about how
to be more put together, which is honestly such a lovely
question to be asked because I think it means that people see
me as put together and confident, which is a lovely
compliment, but it's also made me realise that there's
something really important. Looking put together has nothing
to do with perfection or hitting every milestone.
It's about living a life that reads as intentional and then
because of that, it actually feels intentional.
And that's what today's episode is about.
Because you're not behind. You might just be having a day
or just feeling a little bit unfocused, or you've never been
taught how to design your life. We live in an age where we're
told we have endless possibilities.
Be whoever you want, do whatever you want.
Which sounds freeing, but it can actually feel quite paralysing.
Even in design, when a client says the brief and the budget
are open, I really struggle to start because I like the
structure of a budget. I like the parameters.
I feel like it gives me direction.
So today I want to give you something like a blueprint.
If you want your home, your routines, your wardrobe, your
mindset, your whole vibe to feel a little bit more cohesive,
elevated, grounded and purposeful, this is where you
start. So let's get into it.
The first thing I want you to hear today is you're not behind
and you're not late. You haven't missed your window.
What you're feeling is usually just the result of one thing, a
lack of direction, not a lack of progress.
Most people live reactively. They buy things reactively.
They dress reactively. They fall into relationships
reactively. Their homes come together
reactively, one random purchase at a time, and then suddenly
life feels mismatched, cluttered, chaotic and you feel
mismatched, cluttered and chaotic.
Your home reflects your habits, your wardrobe reflects your
identity, your routines reflect your values, and your
environment influences your behaviour.
When those things are disconnected, you feel
disconnected. But the good news is, is that
you don't need a whole life overhaul.
You just need some cohesion, clarity, a bit of intention
behind the things you do and choose.
Because when you shift even 1 area, be it your home, wardrobe,
routines, everything else starts aligning too.
That's when confidence returns. That's when life starts feeling
more put together. A lot of people think being put
together means being polished, expensive, structured, perfect.
But it doesn't. A put together life is simply a
cohesive life. Cohesion is when your home, your
habits, the wardrobe, your mindset, your relationships,
your standards all feel like they belong to the same person.
It's the feeling of this makes sense.
This feels like me. And here's the interesting part.
Most people are so resistant to cohesion.
Why? It's not because of laziness or
money or time. People resist cohesion because
they fear setting a standard for themselves, because deep down, I
think they don't trust that they can meet it consistently.
If you choose cohesive habits or a cohesive wardrobe, cohesive
home, it forces you to commit. It forces you to say, this is
the standard that I'm holding myself to, and a lot of people
don't want that responsibility. It's easier to stay inconsistent
than admit that you're inconsistent.
It's easier to scatter your style than to risk being judged
for having one. It's easier to have a chaotic
home than maintain a calm one. But cohesion is not perfection,
it's clarity, it's direction, it's self respect and it's
identity. And you see it in everything.
Having all the same plants in a hedge instead of a random mix.
Owning and matching a set of mugs instead of 10 mismatched
mugs from your 20s. Choosing clothes that actually
speak the same language. Choosing a partner who values
aligned with the life that you want.
Making choices that point in the same direction.
Cohesion isn't about being fancy, it's about supporting the
life you want to live. And there are two types of
people, participants and curators.
And participation is the bare minimum version of living.
And that looks like buying whatever is convenient, wearing
clothes because they're clean, not because they suit you,
keeping clutter for the just in case, living reactively, not
intentionally. Participation is basically this
will do. And on the other side is
aesthetic living, which simply means that you care about how
something looks because you care about how it makes you feel.
Aesthetic living is choosing things thoughtfully, creating
environments that calm you, dressing in a way that aligns
with your identity, surrounding yourself with things that
elevate your life. I know that the word aesthetic
you're going to think, because a lot of people do, that
aesthetics is superficial. It's actually psychological.
Aesthetics create emotion. Your environment creates
behaviour, and your surroundings shape how you show up.
Design isn't perfectionism, it's emotional regulation.
When your space is intentional, you start living with intention
and your wardrobe is cohesive, you start behaving cohesively.
This is that shift from participant to curator.
And you cannot feel put together in a cluttered environment.
Full stop. Clutter is loud, it's visually
noisy, it drains your energy. Even people who are like that,
you will sense it, you will feel the energy when you speak to
them. So you need to just do this
visual edit. It doesn't have to be a dramatic
purge, just a grown up edit. So remove anything that's
broken. Anything you bought just for now
that became permanent. Anything from the past version
of yourself. Multiples of things that you
just do not need. Surface clutter that makes your
home look juvenile or just a mess.
Decluttering isn't deleting your identity, it's deleting the
noise that's blocking it. A calm home creates a calm mind
and a clutter free environment instantly elevates how you feel
and how you behave. Now let's talk about the
wardrobe. Because it's yourself image
hanging in a row. If it's chaotic, old, random or
sloppy you will kind of feel the same way.
So pick a palette and stick to it.
Prioritise fit over everything. Remove the ghosts or the past
selves, buy fewer and buy better, and dress for the life
that you want, not the one that you're tolerating.
Because when you dress intentionally, you behave
intentionally. Your presentation sets the tone
for your identity. Like if you start to relax and
let things slip, before you know it you'll just be like, where
did I end up? Like what?
What is this? Have you ever had that moment I
have where you suddenly just get ready to go?
What, what is this? Like, what, how did I get here?
And you just don't know. It just it just happens in the
blink of an eye. Whereas if you have that kind of
intention and setting goals when it comes to your wardrobe
because you wear it and you walk around in it, I feel like it's
something that should have an instant connection with you.
You should feel it all the time. I don't think it should be
something that stresses you out, but I think it's something that
you should just be aware of because I think if it starts to
slip, that's when you can start to slip everywhere else.
Your presentation sets the tone for your identity.
So let's talk about the home. Because your home is the
backdrop of your life. A put together home doesn't mean
it's big or expensive or it needs to be super intentional.
You just need to focus on lighting, textures, scent,
proper storage, everything, having a home, foundational
pieces, consistent styling, and daily micro routines.
Put together people aren't necessarily rich or perfect,
they're just consistent and routines make you look and feel
put together. These habits instantly elevate
your life. Simple things that you can do
right now like making the bed, having a nightly skin care
routine, ironing your clothes when you need to, a weekly
reset, watering your plants, movement, even a walk setting a
time where you go for a walk to get outside and clear your head.
It is so good for people who are overthinkers, over analyzers,
particularly creatives including myself.
Physical activity like a walk is so good.
It's something, it's just, it's so good.
It's peaceful. I'm telling you now, just go for
a walk. Setting a time to do a walk once
or twice a day really important. Sam goes for planning your week,
keeping your entryway clean. These aren't chores, They're
identity builders or identity reminders, whatever you feel
more comfortable calling it. Because I know it can feel quite
dramatic. I think they're just things that
you can come back to because I think when we ultimately these
things that we're setting up for ourselves is holding ourselves
accountable to how we want to feel, the person that we want to
be. So you keeping an entryway
cleared, it's like a promise you're making to yourself that
you'll do these things, you'll do the daily walk, you'll make
sure the entryway is clean, to hold yourself to a standard that
you want to be, to make you feel good so you don't end up in the
result of being like what's going on?
Everything's falling apart. I don't know what I'm doing.
You know, these small actions and small micro routine things
are actually the key to keeping things consistent, cohesive and
feeling good. And the same thing goes for if
those routines need a tweak seasonally, quarterly, so be it.
Tweak them, make them feel better.
You're changing. You're like you're a living
thing. You change, life changes.
So don't just fall into the same routines.
Reassess those routines and if they're not working for you,
change them. But I think having the routines
and having those micro things that go across home wardrobe and
like well being with walks, they're important.
Keeping them in the back of your mind, keeping that list there of
the things to tend to will make you feel like you're more on
track all the time. And ultimately, they will make
you feel good and more comfortable when things go wrong
in the home or relationships or wardrobe, whatever it is, if you
have those little micro routines across all different spots in
your life, it will. Those things, those pillars will
keep you up when one of those pillars is falling down on the
wayside. The next thing I want to talk
about is buying for longevity. Because if you want to look put
together, you've got to start buying the fillers.
You sometimes need to ask like, will this age well?
Does this match my direction? Does this elevate my life?
Choosing timelessness over trends and quality over quantity
and longevity over novelty. Because adulting is basically
choosing once instead of choosing repeatedly.
Like you know that saying buy once, cry once.
It might feel painful in the time because something might
cost you a lot of money or a lot of effort, but you deep down you
know that that is the thing that you will have forever rather
than having to buy 3 of it. And I some reason, an example
that just jumped into my head because I feel like I say it
every year is Christmas trees. I have Balsam Hill Christmas
trees and I love them. You probably know I love them
and everything I say to someone when they see the price of it, I
go look, Christmas is something that you celebrate every year.
These are the best Christmas trees.
You are better off just to buy that one Christmas tree that
you've really want from Balsam Hill.
Not the one that's the best one for the budget, not the one that
you feel most comfortable to because it's like $600.00.
If your favourite most loved Balsam Hill Christmas tree is
$1200 and you can afford it, obviously bite the bullet and
buy the $1200 Christmas tree because it's the one that you
want. It's the one that you love and
it's the one that is just going to stick around for the rest of
your life. And you're going to buy once,
cry once. It's going to feel gut wrenching
before you hit buy now. But as soon as you do, you're
just going to feel the excitement of the tree coming.
And then every Christmas when you pull it out, you're going to
be like God, I love this tree. I don't think about any other
tree and you'll go to like DJ's or you'll go to Meijer and
you'll see the beautiful, the decorations and you'll see the
trees there and you're like, you won't be doing the thing.
Oh, that tree's so nice. Oh, why didn't I just buy that
tree that I really wanted? You know, because you don't even
look because you know, you've got an amazing tree.
And when you talk to your friends that I've got a great
tree. I love my tree.
You're not sitting there being like, because I'm telling you
now, what you'll do instead is you'll go to DJs and you're that
$500 tree. It looks good.
I'll buy that one. And then the following
Christmas, you'd be like, yeah, that Balsam Hill tree, I've got
a good tree. I got it from DJs.
It was a good price. I like it.
But in the back of your mind, you're always just thinking
about that Balsam Hill tree when you could have just put that
$500 into the $1200 one and just have it buy once, cry once.
Being intentional buying for longevity.
It's important. And finally, the life edit
Bringing it all together, put together.
Life isn't built overnight. It's built in decisions.
Small decisions, consistent decisions, intentional
decisions. When you bring intention to your
home, your wardrobe, your routines and your mindset, your
life becomes something you actually recognise as yours.
You don't just look put together, you feel put together
and that's the point. And it's really important
because people will question you when you are put together.
Naturally. In Australia we're quite, people
like to say we're quite casual. It's kind of like the island
life. There's lots of people that are
very cool, calm, collected, casual, go with the flow, except
they actually appear to be some of the most judgmental people in
the room. They will question you when you
seem put together because naturally you'll just pull out
the insecurities of other people because again, people feel lost
because there's so many options and they haven't sat down and
they've reassessed and put things together.
Or I want to say that they're comfortable with things being up
in the air and like type B. But then you wonder why they
would question you to begin with if you appear type A and put
together. So they can't be happy because
if they're pulling out and pointing and poking and prodding
at all those things that you are, clearly there's something
there where they need to reassess and you just need to
let it go. Because I think The thing is, I
not only think, I feel like I know.
The thing is, if you appear as someone that's put together and
cohesive and you're also a nice person and you're confident in
yourself, that triggers a lot of people.
And what those people will try and do is they'll poke and prod
you to do something that makes you appear as a nasty person or
not a nice person because the person who's prodding you wants
to be able to walk away from that, like interaction with you
and said, yeah, well, you know, they might be put together.
They might have all these things, XY and Z and look good
on paper, but at least I'm a good person.
They're not a good person because you can't have nice
things and be cohesive and be nice.
You couldn't have done it in a nice way.
You have to be a nasty person. And that makes me feel good.
And you know why? Because it's free.
It's free to be a nice, respectful person and they think
that they can have that one up over you because morally it's
better to be a nice person than a nasty one.
And they think that your aesthetics are superficial and
in order to be superficial you also have to be fake and not
nice. So they'll try and like put you
in that bucket to make them feel better because they don't want
to put in the work to be more cohesive and put together and
feel ultimately better about themselves because they feel
lost. Like really they should just ask
for help and not be such, you know, not nice people.
I hope that makes sense to you and I hope you feel that you
resonate with that because I face that a lot.
I do face it a lot, especially being a content creator in this
space. I meet a lot of people and they
definitely want to throw you in the bucket of not being a nice
person because. It feels easier because again,
like I said, it's free to be a nice person.
So in order to make someone who feels uncomfortable and insecure
feel good about themselves, they'll pitch themselves as the
nice one. And I'm the superficial, not
nice one. It just happens.
And it look, you don't need to be a content creator to feel
that. I'm sure a lot of people here,
particularly people who listen to my podcast, do feel more
cohesive and put together. And I'm sure they do experience
this from family members, from siblings, from even people that
you're really close with, like best friends as life goes on
with adulting. Because like I said, you never
know when you wake up those days and you feel a bit unsure about
yourself. It could just be a day, it could
be a season, it could be a life change.
But just remember, if you have those pillars, like I said
earlier, your home, your wardrobe, your relationships,
your routines, if they're all in place, it's very hard to shake
you. If one of those pillars start to
feel a bit wobbly, it's OK because you've got those other
ones there to hold you and back you up.
And of course, you'll have people around you, like me, and
like your good friends and family members, who can remind
you of who you are, where you're going, and who you want to be.
So I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
Share it with someone who maybe needs a little nudge, or maybe
someone who's just having an off day and wants a reminder that
it's all good. Pillar feels a bit shaky, or
what routine needs to be slightly reassessed, or what
cupboard or wardrobe needs a bit of a declutter.
As always, thank you again for listening to Home and Hosting
with Louis Bourke, your friend and Put together Living.
Feel free to check out all my other content over on my social
medias at Louis Burke and also on my journal Louis burke.com
and I will see you all in the next one.