Hello and welcome back to Home and Hosting.
It's Louis and I'm so excited to sit down and chat with you
today. This episode has been a long
time coming. I've had this exact conversation
with so many girlfriends over the years and recently thought,
hang on, why haven't I done a podcast episode on this?
And I think you'll really resonate with this one,
especially if you're in that early phase of building a home
with someone. Maybe you've just moved in
together, maybe you've moved from an apartment into a house,
or maybe you're living with your best friend or sibling because a
lot of the time the two of you don't approach home the same
way. It might be that one person is
deeply interested in how the home looks and feels and the
other person just isn't, At least not at the start.
Before we dive in, I just want to make something super clear.
I am just speaking from the experience I have, which is
chatting with my girlfriends about their partners and my own
experience living with my partner for over 10 years.
So when I say he or she today, I'm talking generally and from
the patterns that I've seen. This is not gender politics,
it's not scientific fact or data, and it's definitely not a
universal rule. But with the way of the Internet
and how it works these days, I do need to say this gently, but
directly. This is not an invitation to
purposely misinterpret what I'm saying or turn it into something
that it's not. This is just a very real dynamic
that a lot of couples, straight, queer, whatever, go through when
they merge their belongings and routines.
If it applies to you, amazing, take it and run with it.
If some parts don't, then lead them.
Any generalisations are just examples to build resonance, not
box anyone in. So with that said, here are the
five things that genuinely make sharing a home feel easier,
lighter and more collaborative from my experience.
So number one is learn your two different approaches to setting
up a home. This is the biggest unlock and
once you see it, you won't Unsee it.
Generally, one person looks at an item and the other person
looks at the whole room. For a lot of men, again,
generally they see a mug and think, well, it works, case
closed. And you might be thinking, yes,
but how does it sit in the room? How does it impact the space?
Does it go with the lifestyle we're building over the next few
years? It's not that one of you cares
more. It's just that one of you or
each of you care differently. And a lot of that is just social
conditioning, not necessarily gender, not personality.
Maybe it's the way you were brought up.
Different lenses. One easy way to bridge this
difference is through sets. Sets of two, four, or six.
Because you're not one person living alone with one mug, at
least not anymore. You're 2 or more people building
a rhythm together. And sets also dilute any random
novelty items that he loves. If there's one loud mug, pair it
with another loud mug, or surround it with beautiful ones
so it comes together and becomes part of the story, not the
headline. So you're not taking things
away, you're just teaching the logic of the home.
So switch him from or him her from the resistance mode into
the team mode. I think this also works with
kids as well. So generally speaking, a lot of
kids or guys see home things, bedding, towels, decor as extra
or superficial. But these are the same people
that will spend hours researching like gaming
consoles, cameras, you know, celebrities, tech specs, desk
chairs, gaming accessories. So instead of fighting with it,
leave into it and just redirect it.
Make the home another category that they can gig out on.
Like what's the best bed linen fabric?
What towel GSM actually works best?
What sofa construction lasts the longest within our budget, and
what cookware performs well and cleans easily.
And this is where things shift, I think particularly between you
and your partner, not necessarily so much with the
kids. I think with the kids, it'd be
maybe like if you were redesigning their bedroom, But
when it's about moving in with a partner or a sibling, I think
this applies. Because when someone helps
choose the things they naturally care for, the things, it's not
parenting, it's not nagging, it's simply letting them in
early so they feel part of the home, not just like a visitor or
person who lives within it. And again, I'm speaking
generally. Not all men or kids or women
resist this. Not all women find this natural.
It's just a common pattern that I've seen over and over again.
So #3 is about doing those regular clear ads.
I've spoken about it before. Like the clear, ads are
essential for everyone, not just your partner or the kids.
Once a year, every six months or each season, pull everything
out. The mugs, the linen, the
gadgets, the cables that belong to nothing anymore, the
figurines, the merge, the pan that has been through too much
and ask, do you still like this? Would would we buy this again?
Does this represent who we are today?
Which might sound really profound, but like really is
this where we're at right now? Is this something that we use
all the time or has it just been around forever and we just
haven't let it go? Also, maybe ask the question
this like, does this feel like us like it's not necessarily a
grow up kind of conversation, but it is a does this align with
where we are at right now without jobs or we've moved or,
you know, a lot of adults want adult privileges while living in
spaces that still reflect their teenage years.
And again, it's not really gendered.
It's just like a personality, It's an upbringing.
It's a habit and if they want to keep certain things, great.
But what I will say is that there needs to also be action to
curate them and give them a zone because homes only feel chaotic
when nothing inside the home has a home.
When everything has a home, it's so much easier to keep things
organised and clean and you don't feel overwhelmed.
I've mentioned it before and #4 is it's not just about things
looking nice, it's about things working well.
This is the line that usually shifts their perspective.
Design is an art. Design has a job.
It's not about making a Pinterest home, it's about
making life easier. So good design improves sleep,
storage, efficiency, cleaning, noise levels, cooking, comfort,
longevity. Someone asks why do we need
this? You can say because it works
better. Nice things also serve a
purpose. And yes, sometimes nice things
are expensive, but not always. It really all just comes down to
knowledge. Knowing that natural fibres are
really amazing, or what materials are really good and
how something is constructed really helps you find great
versions at every price point. Again, generally one person
might respond more to the aesthetics and the other to the
function, but when you combine the two, you get a home that
feels really good and works well.
So learn who does what. If one person is great with
bringing the whole room together and the other person is really
good at finding the best of the best with all the details, all
the bells and whistles, then it's each person's job to go out
and source the best item or thing and come together and then
find the best option. So #5 is take your time because
homes grow in phases. People think a home is built
instantly. It's not.
I know it's hard because we want to see it come together straight
away. We wanted to kind of be like a
wardrobe where we can buy a new outfit and we instantly feel
like a new person. And it does happen like that,
but over months, not weeks or in one online shop.
So you might be in the IKEA phase, like you've just moved
out together and that's totally fine.
Then it comes to the buy things that last phase.
Then there's like the curating pieces that feel like us phase.
And then there's things like we actually know we have a vibe of
what taste we like. So we're going to add like
develop this through decor like homes grow up as you grow up.
And this is where another common pattern shows up.
Again, not for everyone, but a lot of men see the future home
as a distant fantasy, like a one day really far down the line.
Whereas a lot of women see the future and start reverse
engineering it. So a great way to connect those
two thinking styles is to say, I love that idea of our future
home, but how can we start bringing that feeling into this
home while we work toward it? It grounds the vision, it makes
it doable, and it turns it into teamwork.
So building a home together isn't about a one person winning
an aesthetic battle. One thing has really helped me
with this. Whoever cares more should really
get the priority because the person who cares more about the
item feels it more. And the compromise often means
buying something temporary and replacing it later with the
thing that you wanted in the 1st place.
Save the time, get the thing that truly works, the person who
is invested. I've spoken about it before with
Christmas trees. If you really want a Balsam Hill
Christmas tree, just bite the bullet and buy the best Balsam
Hill Christmas tree that you love.
That way you won't settle. Like don't settle for the David
Jones one or don't settle for the big W 1.
Both might be beautiful. The David Jones Christmas trees
are beautiful. Don't get me wrong I love ADJS
Christmas tree but the Balsam Hill ones is just something
about them that just makes them beautiful and I love mine.
My #1 go to by the way, for anyone who wants to know, is the
Norway Spruce tree in the 240 centimetres the pre lit
beautiful? It's great because it's
traditional, but it's contemporary.
You know, Balsam Hill also normally do a sale all
throughout the year, so pick it up during that time,
particularly during the Christmas in July.
Anyway, I digress. Ultimately a building a home is
about awareness, teamwork, sharing the pride, sharing the
responsibility. And the real secret to this is
when both people feel part of building the home, both people
feel part of caring for that home.
You both notice the things you both contribute, you both
respect the space, you both show up in it.
If this resonates amazing. If some parts don't apply to
you, then just leave them. But if this episode helps even
one couple say, oh, you know what that makes so much sense.
You are the person who loves all the details and you're really
detail oriented. You can find the best tech and
gadget. Now I need you to go out and
find us the best sofa. This is our budget and I'm going
to give you what I need in terms of the look and feel that's
going to get the job done so much better.
And you're both going to love although the experience, but
you're both doing it together because it's both your guys's
home and then the job's done. So thank you so much for
listening today. And if you haven't already,
please leave a review, follow me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube.
I've just started posting a little bit over there, so be
sure to check it out and also check out my
journal@louisbourg.com if you're new here, welcome.
There are so many more episodes to explore to help you make any
space feel like home and I will see you in the next one.