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Hello and welcome back to Home 
and Hosting. 

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It's Louis and I'm so excited to
sit down and chat with you 

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today. 
This episode has been a long 

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time coming. 
I've had this exact conversation

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with so many girlfriends over 
the years and recently thought, 

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hang on, why haven't I done a 
podcast episode on this? 

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And I think you'll really 
resonate with this one, 

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especially if you're in that 
early phase of building a home 

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with someone. 
Maybe you've just moved in 

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together, maybe you've moved 
from an apartment into a house, 

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or maybe you're living with your
best friend or sibling because a

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lot of the time the two of you 
don't approach home the same 

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way. 
It might be that one person is 

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deeply interested in how the 
home looks and feels and the 

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other person just isn't, At 
least not at the start. 

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Before we dive in, I just want 
to make something super clear. 

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I am just speaking from the 
experience I have, which is 

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chatting with my girlfriends 
about their partners and my own 

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experience living with my 
partner for over 10 years. 

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So when I say he or she today, 
I'm talking generally and from 

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the patterns that I've seen. 
This is not gender politics, 

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it's not scientific fact or 
data, and it's definitely not a 

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universal rule. 
But with the way of the Internet

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and how it works these days, I 
do need to say this gently, but 

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directly. 
This is not an invitation to 

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purposely misinterpret what I'm 
saying or turn it into something

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that it's not. 
This is just a very real dynamic

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that a lot of couples, straight,
queer, whatever, go through when

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they merge their belongings and 
routines. 

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If it applies to you, amazing, 
take it and run with it. 

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If some parts don't, then lead 
them. 

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Any generalisations are just 
examples to build resonance, not

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box anyone in. 
So with that said, here are the 

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five things that genuinely make 
sharing a home feel easier, 

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lighter and more collaborative 
from my experience. 

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So number one is learn your two 
different approaches to setting 

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up a home. 
This is the biggest unlock and 

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once you see it, you won't Unsee
it. 

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Generally, one person looks at 
an item and the other person 

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looks at the whole room. 
For a lot of men, again, 

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generally they see a mug and 
think, well, it works, case 

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closed. 
And you might be thinking, yes, 

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but how does it sit in the room?
How does it impact the space? 

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Does it go with the lifestyle 
we're building over the next few

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years? 
It's not that one of you cares 

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more. 
It's just that one of you or 

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each of you care differently. 
And a lot of that is just social

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conditioning, not necessarily 
gender, not personality. 

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Maybe it's the way you were 
brought up. 

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Different lenses. 
One easy way to bridge this 

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difference is through sets. 
Sets of two, four, or six. 

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Because you're not one person 
living alone with one mug, at 

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least not anymore. 
You're 2 or more people building

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a rhythm together. 
And sets also dilute any random 

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novelty items that he loves. 
If there's one loud mug, pair it

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with another loud mug, or 
surround it with beautiful ones 

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so it comes together and becomes
part of the story, not the 

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headline. 
So you're not taking things 

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away, you're just teaching the 
logic of the home. 

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So switch him from or him her 
from the resistance mode into 

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the team mode. 
I think this also works with 

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kids as well. 
So generally speaking, a lot of 

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kids or guys see home things, 
bedding, towels, decor as extra 

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or superficial. 
But these are the same people 

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that will spend hours 
researching like gaming 

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consoles, cameras, you know, 
celebrities, tech specs, desk 

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chairs, gaming accessories. 
So instead of fighting with it, 

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leave into it and just redirect 
it. 

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Make the home another category 
that they can gig out on. 

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Like what's the best bed linen 
fabric? 

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What towel GSM actually works 
best? 

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What sofa construction lasts the
longest within our budget, and 

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what cookware performs well and 
cleans easily. 

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And this is where things shift, 
I think particularly between you

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and your partner, not 
necessarily so much with the 

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kids. 
I think with the kids, it'd be 

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maybe like if you were 
redesigning their bedroom, But 

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when it's about moving in with a
partner or a sibling, I think 

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this applies. 
Because when someone helps 

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choose the things they naturally
care for, the things, it's not 

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parenting, it's not nagging, 
it's simply letting them in 

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early so they feel part of the 
home, not just like a visitor or

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person who lives within it. 
And again, I'm speaking 

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generally. 
Not all men or kids or women 

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resist this. 
Not all women find this natural.

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It's just a common pattern that 
I've seen over and over again. 

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So #3 is about doing those 
regular clear ads. 

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I've spoken about it before. 
Like the clear, ads are 

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essential for everyone, not just
your partner or the kids. 

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Once a year, every six months or
each season, pull everything 

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out. 
The mugs, the linen, the 

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gadgets, the cables that belong 
to nothing anymore, the 

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figurines, the merge, the pan 
that has been through too much 

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and ask, do you still like this?
Would would we buy this again? 

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Does this represent who we are 
today? 

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Which might sound really 
profound, but like really is 

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this where we're at right now? 
Is this something that we use 

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all the time or has it just been
around forever and we just 

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haven't let it go? 
Also, maybe ask the question 

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this like, does this feel like 
us like it's not necessarily a 

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grow up kind of conversation, 
but it is a does this align with

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where we are at right now 
without jobs or we've moved or, 

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you know, a lot of adults want 
adult privileges while living in

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spaces that still reflect their 
teenage years. 

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And again, it's not really 
gendered. 

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It's just like a personality, 
It's an upbringing. 

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It's a habit and if they want to
keep certain things, great. 

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But what I will say is that 
there needs to also be action to

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curate them and give them a zone
because homes only feel chaotic 

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when nothing inside the home has
a home. 

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When everything has a home, it's
so much easier to keep things 

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organised and clean and you 
don't feel overwhelmed. 

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I've mentioned it before and #4 
is it's not just about things 

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looking nice, it's about things 
working well. 

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This is the line that usually 
shifts their perspective. 

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Design is an art. 
Design has a job. 

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It's not about making a 
Pinterest home, it's about 

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making life easier. 
So good design improves sleep, 

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storage, efficiency, cleaning, 
noise levels, cooking, comfort, 

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longevity. 
Someone asks why do we need 

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this? 
You can say because it works 

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better. 
Nice things also serve a 

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purpose. 
And yes, sometimes nice things 

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are expensive, but not always. 
It really all just comes down to

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knowledge. 
Knowing that natural fibres are 

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really amazing, or what 
materials are really good and 

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how something is constructed 
really helps you find great 

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versions at every price point. 
Again, generally one person 

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might respond more to the 
aesthetics and the other to the 

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function, but when you combine 
the two, you get a home that 

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feels really good and works 
well. 

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So learn who does what. 
If one person is great with 

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bringing the whole room together
and the other person is really 

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good at finding the best of the 
best with all the details, all 

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the bells and whistles, then 
it's each person's job to go out

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and source the best item or 
thing and come together and then

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find the best option. 
So #5 is take your time because 

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homes grow in phases. 
People think a home is built 

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instantly. 
It's not. 

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I know it's hard because we want
to see it come together straight

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away. 
We wanted to kind of be like a 

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wardrobe where we can buy a new 
outfit and we instantly feel 

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like a new person. 
And it does happen like that, 

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but over months, not weeks or in
one online shop. 

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So you might be in the IKEA 
phase, like you've just moved 

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out together and that's totally 
fine. 

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Then it comes to the buy things 
that last phase. 

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Then there's like the curating 
pieces that feel like us phase. 

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And then there's things like we 
actually know we have a vibe of 

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what taste we like. 
So we're going to add like 

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develop this through decor like 
homes grow up as you grow up. 

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And this is where another common
pattern shows up. 

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Again, not for everyone, but a 
lot of men see the future home 

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as a distant fantasy, like a one
day really far down the line. 

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Whereas a lot of women see the 
future and start reverse 

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engineering it. 
So a great way to connect those 

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two thinking styles is to say, I
love that idea of our future 

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home, but how can we start 
bringing that feeling into this 

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home while we work toward it? 
It grounds the vision, it makes 

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it doable, and it turns it into 
teamwork. 

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So building a home together 
isn't about a one person winning

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an aesthetic battle. 
One thing has really helped me 

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with this. 
Whoever cares more should really

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get the priority because the 
person who cares more about the 

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item feels it more. 
And the compromise often means 

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buying something temporary and 
replacing it later with the 

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thing that you wanted in the 1st
place. 

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Save the time, get the thing 
that truly works, the person who

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is invested. 
I've spoken about it before with

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Christmas trees. 
If you really want a Balsam Hill

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Christmas tree, just bite the 
bullet and buy the best Balsam 

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Hill Christmas tree that you 
love. 

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That way you won't settle. 
Like don't settle for the David 

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Jones one or don't settle for 
the big W 1. 

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Both might be beautiful. 
The David Jones Christmas trees 

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are beautiful. 
Don't get me wrong I love ADJS 

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Christmas tree but the Balsam 
Hill ones is just something 

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about them that just makes them 
beautiful and I love mine. 

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My #1 go to by the way, for 
anyone who wants to know, is the

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Norway Spruce tree in the 240 
centimetres the pre lit 

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beautiful? 
It's great because it's 

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traditional, but it's 
contemporary. 

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You know, Balsam Hill also 
normally do a sale all 

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throughout the year, so pick it 
up during that time, 

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particularly during the 
Christmas in July. 

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Anyway, I digress. 
Ultimately a building a home is 

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about awareness, teamwork, 
sharing the pride, sharing the 

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responsibility. 
And the real secret to this is 

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when both people feel part of 
building the home, both people 

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feel part of caring for that 
home. 

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You both notice the things you 
both contribute, you both 

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respect the space, you both show
up in it. 

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If this resonates amazing. 
If some parts don't apply to 

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you, then just leave them. 
But if this episode helps even 

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one couple say, oh, you know 
what that makes so much sense. 

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You are the person who loves all
the details and you're really 

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detail oriented. 
You can find the best tech and 

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gadget. 
Now I need you to go out and 

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find us the best sofa. 
This is our budget and I'm going

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to give you what I need in terms
of the look and feel that's 

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going to get the job done so 
much better. 

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And you're both going to love 
although the experience, but 

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you're both doing it together 
because it's both your guys's 

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home and then the job's done. 
So thank you so much for 

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listening today. 
And if you haven't already, 

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please leave a review, follow me
on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. 

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I've just started posting a 
little bit over there, so be 

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sure to check it out and also 
check out my 

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journal@louisbourg.com if you're
new here, welcome. 

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There are so many more episodes 
to explore to help you make any 

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space feel like home and I will 
see you in the next one.