Well, hi everybody. Welcome back to ADHD and D,
sorry, I took so long to get this here episode at, it's just
had talked so much. I gotta cut out a lot of stuff
that I say, but while we were away, we had gotten a lot of
new, pretty pictures of me and helvetica.
And you can get those pictures on like a shirt or a little
button or something or a stick on.
You can find them at Redbubble.com. / people, Well, /
infinite Quest or you can just search Redbubble infinite Quest,
it comes right up. There's also like a big, big ol
map, like a big map of a volunteer Jonas that you can get
on like a shirt or of the Tunica.
Something just to catch you back up, because sometimes, the
membrane stuff is hard, but last time have etiquette.
Now we met a nice little dwarf in a Tavern name, knuckle nuts
and we had decided we're going to score them across the unified
Forest. I could have got clean in half
clean in half it happened. We fought some Things and little
dwarf e nymph, you magically wizard things.
And now we are making our way into the unified Forest.
Translation. The unified Forest is a clean.
Beautiful Forest. The leaves of its trees seem to
Shimmer Under The Fading light of the afternoon gone by while
the path Fades as you step deeper within the train is
largely level in easy to navigate that said, the path is
not so straightforward from here.
You will need to rely on your wits, abilities and each other
to find your way safely and efficiently to and through the
Klein held. My special skill role as a
survival or nature check. I keep sending in the crease.
What is that? It's a 817, kitties, holy shit.
This is, this is, this is good, you're making your way through
the woods again. There's not a set trail, but you
kind of know the way towards the mountains from from where you
entered the forest. Just would you say that the path
is clear? The light is good.
We have no fear nor no one should I can't tell?
Yes, trees the trees. Just what?
I can't tell if this is more or less Pleasant that I don't know
what the fuck. It it's into the woods, it's a
musical. Oh gosh I'm sorry Katie.
Oh my God, that was such a good into the woods joke.
So is there any good into the woods joke?
I don't know anything about into the woods but all I know is that
100% of the jokes about those are all have that have been made
have been terrible. I'm about to blow your mind,
hero percent success rate. I'm so excited to make you
listen to me about that. They did, they did.
That's right. So, you're making like, Exxon
Headway as you make your way through the forest because
mostly because blumpkin in all of his whatever.
Wisdom in survival. Instinct.
What up? Manages to keep you guys on the
path. Think straight.
As you continue to carve your Trail deeper into the forest,
you encounter wide clearing of tall grass that glistens
brightly in the waning light, there's movement ahead, and then
you see it, the shape and form of a pristine.
White stallion, bent low to feed as it raises itself.
You see a top of its forehead, a spiraling horn, that Shimmers
with magical Radiance, it turns towards you slowly, it's bright
intelligent eyes taking you to And I drink its blood.
No, that's Harry Potter. I'm sorry.
Shut the fuck up, Katie. I'm sorry this word say, you
know, I'm going to, I'm going to add the subtext.
Unicorns are intelligent. Um, typically good also got the,
get the strong sense that if you process thing, it would fuck you
up. I, I fucking, I like helvetica
bouts hot, like just full fucking she remembers.
Defense against the dark arts class and she fucking boughs.
She just bouts to this fucking a blumpkin.
He fucking like, reaches up just like, smacks Plunkett on the
shoulder to look. Yeah.
That blumpkin does his best to reproduce.
I think bottom debunking has a curtsy, that's Katie.
Give me a fucking second, okay? Blumpkin does his best to
reproduce his currency from earlier, but at this point one
of those shoes untied. And as he looks over to admire
his new laces here, Those living on tide and while they're
bending over here, he returns the the sort of light slap.
Although much much lighter. Just a very gentle learned over
time slap to helvetica and as they meet there, as they meet
eyes, he gestures towards his shoe.
There are still fully bent over both of their hair dangling in
front of their faces and I go, hey, And that's it.
And like he can't really bend the way that he's built, but he
like looks down. I'm gonna make this a animal
handling check. You're just gonna give you guys
Advantage. So, you were already about your
approach. I mean, I wasn't gonna like
shoot fire at it. It's a magical.
Beautiful unicorn. All right, I'm rocking. 17 in my
animal model animal handling modifiers.
Wait. Oh, Professor would be +2 right
provision proficiency bonus? Sweet.
So that would be a 19-0. Nice, I'm learning.
I'm learning to learning where we go.
Mine was also a 17 but says so 319 Champion.
You don't know handling. What do you know?
Oh, I know. Just kidding.
It's a 17. I lied.
Sorry, huh. Learning the rules so bad when
the computer doesn't And managed to like make your approach.
And it's in this moment that you realize because you have ADHD,
the you are a perfect sated on unicorns, okay?
I'm kidding. Yeah.
Are you do you want us to do it? It's All right.
Hey, hey, get a blumpkin. Yes, pumpkin.
My name is helvetica knocking. Yes, helvetica.
Yeah, yes, one time. I heard that unicorns poop
rainbows. It was a commercial.
I saw it was about like the potty squat, squat, it POTUS
Potter squatter and there were rainbows pooping pooping,
someone's rainbow ice cream. If I remember correctly a that I
remember correctly. Yes, I don't know if that's
true. But I did you tell that
commercial fucking lied to me. No, but I think that when
unicorns poop it becomes some sort of valuable substance that,
oftentimes, I'm really regretting not watching the
seven Harry Potter movie Lumpkin, because I don't know
what to do with the Unicorn. Well, you know, poop is in the
least valuable thing in the world, you can sell to Farmers,
you can sell it to if you, if you, if you take their horn, it
creates a lightsaber. Oh, is that from an alternate
universe has nothing to do whatsoever with the world?
The word rather? Yes, yes.
Oh, it's awesome, great. It's it's powerful type of Sword
years away. I'm just gonna have to go ahead
and know anything about horses. All Unix.
I don't know what the hell had that phase?
What is a whore? I don't understand.
Either way seen horses before they look like unicorns, but
without the Haleiwa, are they? The the ladies?
They hang outside a bar, those are whores, which is different
than horses. How is that?
When there's more than one? Yes, at the plural of horse,
horse. All right.
Well, heard it here. First either way, I'm gonna go
ahead and take a look at this thing.
His butthole real quick. I just want to make sure there's
another valuable in there, have you?
Yeah. Oh yeah, of course.
Hmm. Interesting as colorful as I
thought it would be no blumpkin don't touch the horses bottle I
guess we haven't arrived yet. The mean little boy.
You guys the more you talk, the more like
it just particularly you blumpkin.
Like it, just like tells his head to the side and just like,
perhaps don't get too close to our horsey friend.
We don't want to startle it. He does look quite large and
Powerful. Oh, that's that's already the
last time I got too close to a horse.
His butthole. I was all itchy the next day.
I don't know what to do about that.
By the way, do you have a big never mind?
So dumb, I didn't I have never mind.
I just, I just I just it's that too dirty for the, the think it
was dirty. I just think there's terrible.
Well, the horses because we talked about how horse horses is
a plural last time. I let them throw back joke was
released for the eagle-eyed listeners.
Truly the most rewarding part of this sequence is just watching
the viewers leave. Oh no!
Can I roll to see if I find anything valuable in the
unicorns butthole? Yeah, beer.
I don't know if that's how this works.
So to the question, you do have a really good animal, handling
roll, I guess the odds be ever in my favor, you manage, you
manage to, like, get around the fire soldiers, your run, the
hindquarters of this unicorn and like, a, right as you would
begin, whatever. However, Were you would conduct
this search of this, you carefully, but it like it like
whips its head back and like, very calculatingly like cakes
one of, it's like back legs. But like, in a way that is,
like, like, right next, like, it clearly did it with a blast, my
head, like, whiffs past your head, but it in the display that
is like, clearly meant to demonstrate that like that.
Could have gone through your skull.
Alright. And then pumpkin.
No. It's all right.
You go hours. It.
Blumpkin goes. Wow, Michael, that was really
nice. That was a hell of a kick.
I wouldn't like to be. Anyways, I'm kidding.
Your name is Michael now, very quickly, just to clarify.
Have you named the Unicorn Michael?
Yeah, well, I don't know. Unicorns named Michael.
I'm at one named Michael once and I never been another one so
I just assumed they were all dead.
My God. Understand about nothing about
sample, sizes. Are there any deny that?
I think it's a perfectly lovely name for our unicorn.
Perhaps, you might ask our friend unicorn.
Hear, what his name is? Can unicorn stop?
I don't actually know dear dude, the university before I even
consider whether or not this unicorn can talk, I walk up to
it saying, go, hey, what's your name?
For some reason assuming unicorns are hard of hearing the
the Unicorn replies back. Odie was great.
Fuck you Dodie. Isn't that was a gift for
Tick-Tock I turn. I turn to helvetica and yell
equally loudly. Now sort of in competition with
who can yell louder. He says his name was Tony Just
to clarify is that you can the Unicorn actually talk.
Can you turn extra dark? I don't know if we're doing the
bitch or not. He'll let you guys confuse know
the the hardest of the Unicorn can only like make force noise.
All right, here I am. He can talk and triumphant that
was really good. Cool, very Triumph, put this
deer. Golden.
Well, that's alright. That's how you play The Dungeons
and drag. So, so I so he yells name.
Oh, what is your name? Oh God, Tony's, a fairly good
Tick-Tock. ER, yeah, that's just a joke.
I really shouldn't make right now.
Now me believing to the fact that the fact that the Unicorn
is yelling has now confirmed to blumpkin that they do.
In fact have poor Hearing in which case I get even closer to
the to the inside of its ear. My lips now brushing the inside
of its ear and ice cream. Good theory, lyrics will fuck
you. Bloody
have to find that dice. I'm going to those for those.
I'm sure we still have at least two people are.
So I think it went underneath the the champagne.
Carrick stood up from the table and whipped his D20 across the
room in Fury at how good the setup of that joke was, that's
what just happened for those of you listening at home, I don't
know what happened. What do I do after this?
I or else, I'll save us with my ADC, blumpkin doesn't know what
the word. Fuck means.
Yes and assume that it's not the only compliment that he's ever
heard that is higher than Compadre know and you know and
says oh hey fuck you too. Totally, are you gonna make that
can't we're bunking. Baseline people to go fuck
himself now. Yeah, a really nice complex.
Great great, great cool-cool, cool-cool cool-cool, cool-cool,
cool-cool, cool-cool cool-cool, okay.
And blumpkin blumpkin drops, the horses ear and and into just
just sort of like just his just full of warmth because he's now
made a new friend and Tony Tony Tony like Sort of like takes a
deep breath. Is like it's in and some really
mixed signals like touch my butt hole into my ear and told me to
go fuck myself. All right, he's no longer yeley.
I don't know. I don't know what's going on
here at. What what do you want?
What do we do? My friend that comes to
interrupt your blocking. With me, and I feel like baggage
is like, that's like they're really cute.
It's like a dog, like you snap and just go with me, but we just
kind of come stand. I do like the word area.
My Tony wasn't. Yes, my name is helvetica else.
Arif the L stands for Leslie. Thank you to the group chat for
naming me. We are but Travelers through
these woods and yeah, yeah, but Travelers we He was looking at
asshole blumpkin raises his finger as if to speak up to say.
No, I was looking for. No, I was looking for gold.
But before he does helvetica America stops and she just, I
think she just like she just kind of mom's art.
Like, she just like puts his hand.
Like, if it's a it's just goes like this.
She's like mmm. And she says, we are Humble
Travelers through these Woods. We seek no trouble and we mean
you no harm. We are just passing through, we
did run into some trouble a bit ago, with some goblins, but we
we just sort of want to get when those goblins and goblins.
I have a calliope at exactly the same time that the that unicorn
says that Lumpkin leans over and says, well they but traveling I
don't know. That is that one?
Well I'm King will talk more about but traveling later, but
yeah, those guys are traveling. Only like 15, gold.
Oh well, I have some good news. I have 15 gold and I grabbed a
reach through my satchel and pull out 15 gold.
So happy to help out my new friend and I Trot on over
presenting the gold in front of me.
Well, Tony opens. His like tobik Tony.
Yes opens his mouth as as if like go ahead and put it inside.
Oh all right well I'm going I logically speaking.
I think then technically you were right about the butthole,
but we'll get to that later. Eventually the horse and it has
to come. It's fine.
Alright, I blumkin, vaguely understands what you're meaning,
but understands that he was right.
And then says, hey if we'd come in here and like, like two days,
I swear to God, we would have gotten some sweet 15 gold out of
this little bubble bubble here. If there any Travelers coming to
this Forest two days from now, I'll tell you, we should be
friends. I must say the amount to it.
She started talking about, buttholes is very uncomfortable.
All right, I'm from actually really smart.
It's just a lot of a very disturbing about bubbles all the
time. Oh no.
I have so much pain supposed to give to the real world problem.
Kid everything I know about you that absolutely scared.
Oh right, I remember the volcano.
Oh gosh, I have so many thoughts.
What do I do with the gold? Do it.
My unicorn friend, as I said, we look for no trouble.
I have some good news and some bad news about your Goblin, who
owes you money? We've taken care of that problem
for you but perhaps not in the way you might imagine.
And so we just, we wonder if you where do we go?
What are we supposed to do? Tell me, do you have any
insight? I've been talking for a very
long. What do I do with the gold
though? I got will think.
So pumpkin pumpkin, walks up to the to the Unicorn whose mouth
is still very much so open and the, you know, Tony's eyes just
look up in just such a delicate way with his mouth, a gape and
blumpkin. It's down on him and seized his
open mouth. Just ready to receive the 15
gold coins in his hand and immediately runs to the back
side of the unicorn and shoves it up his ass.
Nobody Does it. Should I, I could do something
else of you. Yeah, that's actually how can I
not do you like it? Do something else I'm gonna do
that you're fucking. You're gonna fucking murdered by
a unicorn for trying to put stuff in his book.
That's another cure crazy quotes of all time.
Here's all right. That's the way that I'm gonna
settle this and Tony Tony like like is is aware of your
machinations and sort of sees it coming and it goes up.
Looks like it's nap time and just like kicks you as your
brooch but with such a controlled blow that like
Doesn't kill you though. He certainly could be just like
you're out. Go light.
My does that put me in zero? No, you're just I'm just out
cold. Wait, you're sleepy time.
So I guess in a nice poster of the the gold table Jangles all
over the all over the muddy. Muddy, Duff of the forest floor.
I think helvetica who I want to be very clear.
Does wear glasses takes off her glasses and does this.
She just Hmm. And then, if it's black,
Boy, had it looks like this talking to your Decor just
knocked me. Right the fuck out, didn't he?
That son of a bitch. Thank you so much for listening
to this episode of infinite Quest.
We got a lot more coming and lot of questions that need
answering. Like, how does that?
That is a unicorn know how to talk.
I've never had on that man. One of the mountain unicorn.
I'm Michael. I never met a talking Unicorn
before I just have to ask if you could share this with your
friends who like the India maybe have ADHD and don't listen to
the India. It would really, really help us
out a whole lot. If you could leave, it's like a
rating and review wherever you listening or like, tweeted us at
Katie and Eric Katie with a see Eric with a cave, fuck him
saying that. The rest of my life for this on
the Patriot panel on the patreon, hit China, cop /,
infinite Quest and we also got a red bubble Rubble store.
Called it called Redbubble.com. / people / infinite question you
can get cool shirts and stuff. Anyways, thanks so much, we'll
see you next time on the ADHD D transition.