My back hurts Mighty is disgusting.
Wait, what? My tea is very gross.
It was because he I didn't know that.
If you put Honeycombs in t it does not work like putting honey
and he waxed floor to the top and I yeah I made a candle out
of it that I made a pain into a candle, that's pretty cool.
It was. Yeah, it was not good though
because I Like why is this tea tastes so bad?
And then I realized this because I was waxing, don't even need a
pen into it. A candle.
I dipped dipped my spare time. I like I did.
I do. Oh, made like a Colonial
Williamsburg a little string string I did that to get the wax
out of it. But now there's just walks all
down the side of my favorite mug.
Anyway, hi everybody. It's me.
Katie asaurus. I love excuse me.
Good and you just unlock the core memory for me.
Katie dipping the little strings into the wax puddles.
Hey, of doing that was so much fun.
Yeah, I've never had like a candle-making hyper fixation
phase, but I like, I love going to like, Colonial leaves, really
watching the candle makers. And so, I just think it's really
fun. Like, it just seems really
relaxing. Like you just dip them and then
also. And then, at some point, you get
a candle. That's fuckin dope, dog.
He's put wax on the string and that's a candle.
I said, try to make other candles when I was a kid.
I would like, I would like, you know, you'd have like the teal
a, I would dip like a little piece of thread and I would try
and my other cables out of it. Yeah, very cool.
That's pretty solid. Yeah, although you didn't say
hi, everybody, it's me. Hey goat, I did.
I said, yes, hi. Hello.
Its me a good and you Katie just an octa-core.
Well, I'm suggesting. I'm sorry.
Okay, so I have cramps. I'm sorry.
I've grabbed some folks on anything except how about my
grips Arts fight? I can, I can take the, The
Narrative lead on this one. Narratively in, trust me.
Okay. Go for it as you know what, this
were always. So in control and we.
All right, this is where very organized.
This is always a steady hand on the wheel serious listening to
this before they listen to Girl, Friday with any Reese, this is
true story. So I realize like how truly free
form. We are so any race is a very
seasonal, very interesting Creator podcaster actor,
educator so many different things but she's going to be on
the podcast tomorrow for fan Girl Friday.
But when Annie came on the podcast I was just like what do
you want to talk? We can talk about Star Wars and
it just like it was the most like freeform silly
conversation. I realized that I've gotten
really used to doing it with you.
So now whenever I Anybody else? Just squeak, no idea what we're
doing podcasts - it's fine. It's great.
Well, that's what a lot of podcasts are.
I mean, we started, you know, just sort of dumping everything
we know about ADHD in our experience and so we know it's
two years later. Yeah, it's two years later.
Jesus, it is somewhere in. This is some sort of 101.
I think 100, we should have probably done something figured
out the said 100 but neither honestly really, it's probably
not on all I do which I lost count.
I think season 2. The sewed. 40-something, I
started like guessing, is there a cheeseburger on your shelf?
It's not a real cheeseburger. But yeah, there's a cheese
grater on my shelf. It's a candy.
It's actually a lollipop. Oh my God.
I love my love. My students, just looked over.
And there was just a cheeseburger on the wall and it
looks real. Like the blue makes it look more
real? I think kinda does that's fine.
Anyway, it's all right in the beginning.
I mean, we were dumping out everything, we know and our
experiences and this is laying in bed.
It's like hair. We could play into the wet area.
Yeah. Like we could talk about stuff.
We've already talked about before but I know it's I think
it's more personality driven now.
It's more. It's about the community to
hang. It's a hang sesh, it's actually
inspired cast. They always have to be easy
because they just, you know, they said they used talk about
whatever, they just really, but, you know, it's pure
entertainment where I feel like this is entertainment, but I
also want to like Ule educational, you know?
Yeah, let we're really supportive.
Port. If you know, we know it's going
to be okay and stuff. It is gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay. I believe that I think also I
think I believe speaking of which so you and I we took me
down to this podcast ago. We're recording a pilot for a TV
show. We're gonna make a pilot for a
TV show and then next is gone. We've got episodes lined up.
Yeah. Well people have been people.
Yeah, people reached out they did the thing that we told him
to do it the last episode. Yeah.
Which is emails that ask it if in a quest podcast.com if you
have a cool job and you want to be on her TV show?
Well, we should say web series, we should just, we should see a
web series until it gets picked up because it's entirely
possible that maybe Netflix will just go tell us to go fuck
ourselves. And then I'll call my best
friend. Kristen Stewart, who's totally
ugly gonna put me on her ghost hunting show.
And Then we'll do it that way, but it's going to be web series,
but I feel like that's like the win-win of it.
I feel, I really do. I feel like it's the win-win of
it because we're making content that we care about, and we're
excited about. And we're challenging ourselves
and we're learning new stuff. And we got some new camera
equipment. And now, we're just we're making
a whole thing, and it's Dad, I'm sorry.
I have such bad cramps. I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm gonna just sort of sit here a little bit.
Okay, and I think the thing I'm nervous about well, first off
dear listener, if you recognize the title of the episode, it's I
don't title Episodes, but it's something along the lines of
like, cart before the horse or likely some clever pun about
putting the cart before the horse.
Because of the last, we were originally going to shoot the
pilot at the end of this month, like two weeks from right now,
but we ended up pushing it back because we and penguin magic who
are partnering with for the first episode.
They were like, hey, we actually have a lot of ducks to get in a
role before we do this. Can we like push it back just to
make sure like we have all our poop in a group?
And we were both like, fuck. Yeah, absolutely gets.
We have allows you to get here. Her.
And so I'm a little less stressed but yeah, we basically
we got in a bunch of new equipment for film for like more
professional filming stuff, you know, because we've been filming
on our phones this entire time, it's like, okay, right we're
gonna think are going Netflix. Something should probably get
like a gamer girl, we my camera but you know good mics and stuff
like that. And so I've been like learning
how to use those things and and meanwhile I'm thinking about
like specific shots. I want to get it specific
locations and we We still have like a script, you know, but I
think the fact that it's later is making me a little less
stress. I think I ultimately my fear is
I'm I've got sort of like Tic Toc trauma of like, you know,
making a shit ton of work for ourselves and then never getting
paid for it. I think that's what scares me
is. Like, if we end up
self-producing it, like what if we spend a month, making the
first episode and like really fucking?
And then, Nobody watches it. Everyone's a second one in the
nobody watches it. I mean, some people watch it.
There's at least 17 people. I can think of off the top of my
head. Cool.
Watch it. Yes, Moon yes.
And yes yukino totally JC Hall. Yeah.
Lea RC Wordsmith. Absolutely.
But II, am worried about that. I think is particularly Like is
a weird flower because, you know, you it's very instant,
like, you can go from having ten followers to a 10,000 in, like,
two days, which is what happened to me, but like YouTube doesn't
seem to be that kind of thing like this, you know, over it's a
slow burn. We can post a video.
You post another video, you puts another video, like maybe one a
month or something. What am I like?
No, I mean people are going to watch it first off but also I
think that the cool thing about it Is that it's also a learning
opportunity for us. Like if we just thought you
know, like because we do we have the opportunity to film several
episodes at this point and so it's like if we decide that we
really like it and it's something that we want to do
then we get to like hone our process and we get to like,
figure it out and that's okay, you know, but if it's not an
overnight success, a lot of things are not overnight
success, has a lot of things, take a little bit more of a slow
burn and as my Rich musical title of show says, I would
rather be nine people's favorite thing than 100 peoples, ninth
favorite thing. And if it takes us a long time
to find those nine people. I'm okay with that that
Spider-Man. What the Spider-Man the musical
is that, what that's remote? I'll show oat Idol of show, is
the title of the show about two guys.
Running musical about two guys running musical, it's called
title of shall tell the chef Mehta Superman.
That's the but it's my favorite musical.
So I agree. I mean well because for also a
because if you're not caught up Kate and I are filming a pilot
to, I guess a webs it was originally.
It was like, the point was to make one and then pitch it to
Netflix, but as we've been talking to, like the producer,
not like, producer in that play like funding it.
But like, the person who is going to help us direct this and
Pitch it to whoever, you know, the connected person they were
like, this might be worth starting as a web series.
Like show that there's interest in staying power and then
pitching it either way. So, if we say TV show, it's just
because we see how it depends on who wants to live in a place it
exactly. But it will be on YouTube to
start. Exactly.
And we'll tell you all and then if you are listening to this
podcast, we saw this last time you were contractually
obligated. Yeah, to watch it 10 times.
You have to, you have to. I see I can see the podcast
numbers and if I have a podcast, numbers are different from the
YouTube video numbers. Well now that well no well no
absolutely no. But the premise is basically
that Kate No. The the premise is basically
that Kate and I in each episode, have to quickly get good at a
thing that we've never done before, you know, to have.
So to do some event at the end like some challenge or some show
at the end. So like the first episode I've
never done magic before in my life, I like got a magic set
when I was 10 at Christmas and like lost of the next day.
Like that's the extent of my magic but I'm going to be
putting on a show at the Penguin Magic Theater after like an
intense week long boot. Camp from like the magicians
that work there, and we're going to go to, like, music museums
and stuff. It's gonna be great.
The premise of the show is that we're flying by the seat of our
pants, just doing new stuff, just trying our best and I think
the like the mission of the show, I mean, it's going to be,
I'm picturing like it's going to be, you know, quirky and zany
and all that stuff. But ultimate like the soul of
the show, The Heart of the show is that you know it's okay to
try new things and be really into it for a little bit and
then stop. Yeah.
And it's okay to maybe not be so good or it's okay to be really
good. And still stop.
Yeah. And so I think it's kind of
ironic that like, that's the premise of the show, The Heart
of a show and but it's also about the making of the show.
Exact. We've never done this level of
content before, but we now have all these people they're
invested in and it's like, well, we just gotta fucking do it,
dude. And that I'm really excited for
I'm nervous, but I'm excited. Think I usually grab.
Those also made me really think about like, because I know, I
remember, we talked about, like, putting the cart before the
horse a little bit last time, but it's like, it's just
interesting to me. Saying how come you and always
tell when I record the episodes after therapy?
God damn it. Um well one of the things that I
realized is like, okay, so like one of my favorite podcasts in
the whole world is the Adventure Zone.
There's character on The Avengers own name is Magnus
burnside's and Magnus is known for rushing.
It that's like his whole thing is Magnus.
Russia's it. And that's like the thing that
he does and I've always kind of like I've always sort of like
felt like that. Like I felt like if I'm Going to
do something, I just do it, right?
Like if I'm just kind of like Leroy Jenkins like a goddamn
buying a hurdy-gurdy, ER I guess I'm becoming a magician or like
whatever but because of my passion and because of my
excitement and I think a little bit having to do with like my
hyper-focus. I I just I just do it, I just do
the thing, but I think the scary part of this, and the thing that
I'm like, really, really scared of and really, really nervous
about is. I've been thinking a lot About
all the times that rushing in has fucked me over and how many
times I have like inadvertently, like not on purpose.
I've never hurt anybody, I love on purpose, but how many times
I've like rushed to do something and really profoundly hurt, the
people that I love and it's happened.
Quite a few times in like, really major ways and so, I
don't know, like, I'm just in this like, really weird place
where I'm just like, I'm so excited.
Did and I'm so truly just like passionate about this project
like I think it's a great idea. I've been telling you know like
it's cool just make a bunch of noise while I'm talking.
I'm just kidding. It's fine.
But you know like I've been telling friends about it and I'm
just getting incredible feedback like across the board from like
especially from like my neurodivergent friends were like
oh my God like this is a show about us.
This is a show about the ADHD experience.
This is a show about falling in love with something and then
Next week, you're falling in love with something else, but
you still carry the things that you've learned, you know, you
carry, what you've learned from Magic into ballet, you carry
what you learned from ballet and to playing the cello like
whatever it is. But I'm scared that rushing in.
I don't know, like I'm just this is all going so fast and moving
so quickly that like I just I'm I just don't want, I just don't
want to fuck it up. Yeah, I know what you mean II
think, I think we've talked about this on an episode of long
time ago, but my experience is that I've always either rushed
in or grossly, over prepared and then never actually did it.
Yeah, it's one or the other and I think it was formerly.
It was only the first one. I would only ever rush into
things. But like you said, like, when
you do that, You inevitably, incidentally hurt people or
yourself, you know, not, sometimes it's insignificant,
it's not like a huge thing, you know, sort of me to say, like,
every time he would be maimed. Someone kind, you know, buying
an Xbox one time, you know, something like that.
But, you know, you invariably end up detracting from other
people's, you know, experiences in some way sometimes, and in
doing that, like, oh shit, I don't like that, you know, I
don't like the fact that my lack of forethought is hurting
people, I love. So I'm going to swing to the
absolute motherfucking opposite end of the spectrum.
And I'm going to think super crazy, insanely hard for three
weeks before I even begin to start doing anything towards
whatever it is making a TV show, starting a new job, writing a
book cleaning the fucking kitchen.
Like I'm going to think about it at length until eventually I
usually just don't start and so I like I flip flop back and
forth. Yeah.
Because I'll do one thing. I'll either Russia.
And then have a negative experience because I rushed in
and so they are. Okay next time I'll prepare and
then I'll prepare and prepare and prepare and think and think
and think and think until I eventually know exactly how I
want to do it but by the time I've got to that point like the
it's no longer the thing to do I'm on to the next thing and so
that I don't do it. Then I go.
Okay I definitely thought way too hard that much next time I
got to just put more into just going for it and so the next
time, I'll just go for it and then eventually have a negative
experience doing that and I'll just go back and forth and back
and forth. So with this show TV, show the
show. I'm, I'm trying to strike a
healthier balance, and I think, I think I've been getting a
better over time at balancing those that, you know, those two
things. But this one, you know, this is
very important to me. And so I think now I'm trying to
figure out what what our thing is that I need to feel really
confident about and what are things that I can sort of trust
in the process. Trust in, you know, the pills
like what exactly am I going to say and talk to Eric Tate about
as he's teaching me. The first trick I do know like
as I know more about what he's thinking in terms of tone and
once we get into the space, all that stuff will start to come
together but I'm not gonna wing making sure we get usable audio.
You know because no matter what happens if we don't get good
video and audio then we don't have a show and so like I think
that's why I'm leaning more into making sure that our technical
parts of it or at least there. enough, but I think you can
correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're You're more, you
feel that way towards sort of the script and the the outline
of the thing. Like that, it seems like please
turn around but it seems like that's the thing that you're
like. Now this we really need to be
prepared for, you know, I mean, I think it's a couple of it's
like I can't picture stuff and so like for me scripts, really
help because I at least go like okay, like I can't necessarily
like visualize like a dope As credit sequence, but I can be
like, okay, here's how the credit sequence fits into the
introduction, and here's how the introduction.
You know, we're going to hit these five bullet points in the
introduction and then, you know, segue and, you know, wouldn't it
be cool if we could get a shot of like the inside of the
theater here? Like, whatever.
And so for me it's like I don't want to spend a bunch of time
learning how to fly a drone if we're never going to use a drone
shot, you know. So like that's like my thing is
like, figure out what we need like.
Like, I don't know. I think we approach it from to
your places. Oh, yeah.
Um, where you're thinking like, let's identify precisely what we
need and then learn to execute that.
Yeah, whereas I'm sort of saying, let's learn a broad set
of things so that would no matter what we need were able to
do it. And yeah, I think both of us.
I mean, I think they're both good to have because I think the
beauty of a script is it also limits because right now like
one of the big problems it turns out with having just you know,
carte blanche to make a web series be whatever you want it
to be, is that it can literally be anything you want it to be.
And so, it's like I'm Paralyzed by the infinite potential right
now, you know, where it's like, if we had a script then it's
like, okay, like we got a script, let's figure out, you
know, what, three shots we need for this like little sequence or
whatever, but I don't know. I don't think that there's like
a right way or wrong way, but like scooter and I mean, I think
that's why we generally work well together because I think
both of those approaches are necessary.
So long as they can be reconciled with accurate, you
know? No, communication towards a
common goal, which I think we do at least.
I don't think we both know what it's like.
And I think, I think this is something that I'm like, weirdly
clinging onto, but I feel like we both know what it's like to
get really, really invested in something and really, really
passionate about something. And then it Fizzles, for
whatever reason, is this, the dopamine wears off for the
excitement wears off, or you get distracted, or there's another
shiny new hobby. Something and I think like, I
don't want to feel your feelings for you, but I think like we
both kind of have a similar fear in that in like what if we get
bored like you know that's always and so and so and that's
why I keep a noxious Lee looking at you being like promise.
We'll finish just promise we'll finish this episode because I
also think like sometimes it can be really easy to be like, oh
well, that's just what happens. But it's like this is a really
weird way to say what I'm about to say, but it's like I Scree.
Such a weird way to I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everybody at home.
We can be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
For the next five minutes, the like I express my love, like my
love, like my love for you or my love for my hobbies or whatever
like I show that by showing up because for me, having ADHD
finishing things doing things You know, finish thing,
finishing things well and write and correctly or even going at
all, you know, going to the party, going to the going to the
post office and mailing the bill like whatever it is hard to show
up. It's hard to show up and so for
me that's how I show it is. Like I care about you.
I show up for you if I you know care about our relationship like
I show up for the things. Thing I show up for the podcast.
I show up at conventions because I care about our community like
I show up but I'm really Scared to show up for this like,
because I'm like, what happens? You know, what happens if this
takes off or whatever but there's also like an immediacy
to it, you know? And, and so like for me it's
like I'm having a podcast break through and I hate it but it's
like I just do. I rush in, right?
But like that's how I show up as if you need help.
I Rush In And I show up for you or if I feel like I can be of
use, even if you haven't told me like, hey, maybe I don't need
this or whatever, like I Rush In And there's like an immediacy to
that. And so, showing up slowly
showing up gradually showing up. Every day to like, do a little
bit of work is is it's like, itchy.
It's like itchy, and it's strange and it's unfamiliar
because I'm used to just either like Leroy Jenkins thing it
because I'm just passionate and that passion is going to power
me through or just giving up entirely because I got
distracted or, you know, moving on to the next thing.
But I think that like, this is an opportunity at least for me,
I don't say like for you, but like this, what I'm really
realizing is that this whole thing, this whole project, the
way that this is gone, there is an immediacy to it like we, you
know, we're on a time frame, we're on a time crunch,
whatever. But I feel like there is Beauty
in the lack of immediacy because it means that we get to show up
in the way that is going to make it work.
But that's uncomfortable. Mmm, you know, does that make
any sense at all? You know what I'm saying?
Well actually, I I think so. Yeah, like hmm.
Hmm. Uh, a lot of a lot of How is it
getting something done? A lot of the showing up a lot of
the results that you're looking for from showing up, you know,
whether that's the finishing of the project or just the
expression of your love for someone or something, the
results can often be achieved through just tenacity and
intensity just fucking going for it.
You know, like if a friend said, hey will you come over to my
house and help me move this weekend?
You know, work for 10 hours, hauling stuff and getting I'll
sweat. Like I'll do that every time.
Like I'm great at that because that's just intensity, that's
just fucking go. But if somebody says, hey can
you text me? You know, we call me once a week
for the next six months. Like that's arguably a lot less
effort but holy fuck like that's hard.
So I think part of this is you know intensity and tenacity
can't replace tact in this and I think that's kind of scary.
At least it's scary to me. Where there has to be steadfast
Fast planning and literacy with process and literacy with you
know, our own scripts and stuff like that, that can't be
replaced with just sheer enthusiasm and energy which is
usually how I get things done. Is just like throwing myself at
it as hard as I can. Or as this isn't just think he's
just like scary to me because it's like, wow, I really want
this to succeed and I think this could be really cool and I think
I think this could be really fun, and I also think that this
could be like a job, like, this could be like a like a, like, a
try guy's ass dedicated job, where we get to just go around
and learn and be passionate and educate people and get excited
about things and hear people get excited about things and like,
that's what I've wanted to do my entire life.
Like it is so funny because it's like I've always felt like I've
never known what I wanted to do and then I started doing all of
this and what I realized is that like I want to be passionate and
interested and excited for my job and that this is like one of
the first times that I'm like I could see this being a thing for
a while but like we got to show up in the right way and we gotta
we gotta show up, we can't Russian we have to methodically
Plan, the steps that take us to quite literally, like, the next
level of. Okay.
Now, we have a plan, we're learning and it's fucking
terrifying because it's way way different than just rushing in
guns blazing and moving out of an apartment and a night, right?
Yeah. I mean I'm reminded again of
that saying my jazz teacher said to me, when I was in high school
he said we learn in order to Forget, You know, the reason
that jazz musicians practice scales Al's an insane amount in
practice arpeggios and just all of it.
The reason that they learn those things.
So intensely is so that they don't have to think about them
anymore. This is that they can just play
music and they don't have to think about all that technique.
And so for me, you know what, this looks like to me if this
became the thing, like the gig, you know, what this looks like
to me right now is not 0, we get to go.
Learn to do magic or learn to wrestle.
You know, for a living, I get to produce a TV show TV, show and
edit a TV show for a living. It just so happens that the
footage. I needed to edit that TV show
involves me doing this stuff because that's like a week of
doing something. You know, bookended by, you
know, a month of prep and three weeks of editing afterwards.
So, like for me, this whole thing doesn't look like just
going to learn magic. It's no, this is about
documenting. A very specific set of things
that are going to occur in five days.
Five days are going to occur. Your job is to document that the
you know, be prepared to document that with all the
technique in Tech, the technical whatever is to do it and then
after that produce some content worth watching after that.
So the actual doing of it is like the smallest part, like
that is the tiniest little fart. And so my dream is to get to the
point where we have an editor and a crew that comes with.
So we can focus all of our energy on finding the things to
do when making the connections with the people.
And then going and doing those things because right now, that's
like the smallest, you know, part of all of it to me, I mean,
it's the part I'm most excited about, but right now the job is
to produce an entire TV show from scratch.
It just so happens, we need to also do this other cool stuff to
do that. Which again, I'm very excited
for. It's all right.
Oh, someday I will be making at least $12 and we can hire
another editors cost, $12 right? Yeah.
Well I mean My dream. I really want to get like a, you
know, like a like a, like a movie comes out and it's like a
drama or something like that, you know?
Like let's say, like, it's a western drama or something.
Okay. And then he find out like, oh
yeah, but the director and Director of Photography, they
had formerly only ever done, like anime or something like
that. Yeah.
And so the, the the, you know, the cowboy movie it's like
Movie, but it's also just like different, it comes from, like a
different place I can think about.
Like, I really want the editor of like the most over-the-top
2005 game show with like graphics and explosions.
And tonight, I'm Gucci bag Ebu like and then like cut to like a
straight to camera. Like, I can't believe Becky
betrayed me like that Joe Rogan in?
No, no. But I want the editors of those
types of things and then move them from there to the thing
that were picturing or I'm picturing.
The thing that we're making here just lead, well, I'm over here
picturing like Lucy Worsley investigates, like the S,
masterpieces documents things. Should we have two very
different visions of what this project is.
Which I think is also one of the best parts of it.
Yeah. Well, because honestly, it's not
going to be Fear Factor or like I can Loosely really.
It's not going to be either of those.
I'm just gonna be something entirely different it's just it
helps to start with something familiar and then move from
there sometimes and you know somebody like the editor is used
to doing that kind of stuff. Then I think the DNA of like the
intensity and momentum of those kinds of shows or if we get
someone who does like Lucy where's Lisa for, if we get
somebody who's done both see where it's like, we just got
Lucy and Ruth Goodman. It's me and Lucy and Ruth
Goodman and we go around solving Mysteries and you can film it
out of it. Fuck you?
That's the news. I'll take that extra inventory
so it's not cancelled. I just want to learn about bread
and heart history with Lucy and Ruth Goodman.
It's easier to be either in front of the camera or behind
the camera. It's very hard to depose.
Let's start with. I don't know what's going to
happen, but I feel like, no matter what happens, it will
have been a really, really valuable learning experience
along the way For Better, or For Worse.
But we just We are, we gotta do it.
Gotta do it. Gotta do the same thing.
Fuck. It's gonna be great.
I'm so I'm excited. I'm excited.
See the pants baby. Seems the carrots.
I'm so afraid. I'm just so so afraid because I
just want to do a good job because I care.
Thanks. So are you will find it out of
there? If you're an editor even we can
pay you twelve cookies. I will make just thinking like
we're kind of wrapping up saying we'll just saying, you know,
little things too like fade out at the end.
Then you're like, if you're an editor like, oh, okay, everybody
got to keep that in one side. That's fine.
The Fade Out. Okay.
Now we can just fade out on the sorry.