OK, you want to make a podcast? Yeah.
OK, ready. That's Doug that.
Is totally Doug. That's the first thing I play
whenever I that's the first thing I play whenever I
encounter is xylophone. Because it sounds the Dug theme
song is. The dug theme song it's you
doing thirds or Rugrats but I. Feel like a poll of like 1000
people. You it would be Mario Doo Doo
Doo, Doo, Doo Doo Doo. Really.
Yeah. The Mario rhythm is insanely
complicated. It starts.
Do you like to tell us about it, Eric?
Yeah. Tell us about the rhythm and
Mario. Yeah.
Did you? By the way, why do you know so
much about music? Did you go to Conservatory?
No, I didn't go to Conservatory. I went to fancy boarding school
stuff where I. We've been recording this
podcast for 45 seconds. We've been recording this
podcast for 45 seconds and we're going to talk about the Mario
theme song. It's crazy.
It's. It's so it starts as a, it's
very syncopated. It starts with a 3 / 4
polyrhythm. But but the past they got damn
butter past they got damn butter, which is I can't, I
think that's that I don't like that's it's almost just a drag.
It's, it's almost like a an eighth note followed by two 16th
notes. But it's, it's, it's it's almost
it's like it's what's, I think it might be what's called free
meter, which is when the musician just disregards like
what? Free meter?
Free meter. Yeah.
Free. So like, so like if somebody.
Hilarious joke, cute up. Did you really?
I was. Going to say if that is that
what comes out of your trombo before you're ready to.
Pre meter. Yeah, you know, like pre cum.
It was a pre cum joke, Eric. Oh, it was a better question.
Calm joke it was a penis penis vagina cum joke OK ba ba ba ba
ba ba so trip anyways it's it's in mind there's like a
complicated. Triple it counts as one beat
right or two beats. It depends on 8th note triplets,
quarter note triplets. No, just regular note triplets.
Regular note triplets. I'm trying to remember how to
read music live on a podcast. It's triple it one it.
Depends on It depends on if they're eighth note triplets,
quarter note triplets 16th. Note triplets, I think they're.
But I imagine they're. I need to brush up like I know
how to play it like if you're like play this on the piano, I
could do it, but like trying to be like, ah, this one is worth
1/2 of a beat. Like I don't know why, but I
can't do it. That's.
Crazy. Some of them motherfuckers got
dots on them. Some of them motherfucking notes
got dots on them being like hey. None of these, none of these
have dots. So I well, I guess not.
A dotted note. There's no dotted notes in the
entire. No, I lied.
There's. Dot so sympic.
Who had figured there would be? Yeah, there's dot.
I lied, I lied A dot. But there's also the little you
know, the. Little flag on the top.
The little flag and then there's little dot.
Dates note. There's in the flag.
It's good. Speaking of flags, happy Pride
Month, everybody. Oh, it is Pride month, Yeah.
Happy pride month. Happy pride.
I don't know, I got to get a new pride flag because the one that
we have outside is like woefully sun faded.
It's. Been out there for a long it.
Has it's been up for like 4 years?
No wait, it's only been a year. Fuck, God damn it, it's.
Been there since I've since the first time I've been here,
that's for sure. And that was.
Yeah, I was going to say it was, I think it was there from like
the four years before this, four years.
I'm just honestly, it's, it's, it's it's heartening that it's
you live in Georgia and it's still there.
You know if you live in the American South and you can still
hang a fucking. Flop.
Oh, it was really, it was actually really cute.
So the neighbors were having some work done on their fence
and whoops, the deck has gotten so bad.
The deck has gotten like it's probably not safe to walk on.
And so I was like, I just am, but I don't have a car, so I
can't like go to Lowe's. So I was like, OK, so we're not
Lowe's Home Depot, but anyway, it doesn't matter.
So anyway, so the the guys were like working on the fence.
And as a joke, I was like, hey, if you guys are like, like you
guys can come and do my deck next.
And they're like, oh, actually ducks are our specialty.
And I was like, do you want to come look at my deck and tell me
like how much it would be to cost?
And they came and over and they were.
Like just want to clarify, you're, you're saying deck right
DE? No, I was saying penis.
I brought them over to look at my huge cock area.
OK. All right.
OK, that's. Cool no my deck that like for.
The house. OK, OK.
But so they like I came over and they were like, this is super
dangerous. Like what the fuck?
What has happened here? And I was like, oh, no, but
anyway, so but they were like southern guys, you know what I
mean? They were like guys and they
were like talking about like being in the army and shit.
And I had my pride flag and 11 went huh, nice.
And I was like, yay. Did they say anything about
like, like did the people who built it fuck it up or
something? Or is it just like?
I think it's just that it's old like it's been on the House
since like forever but is like actively like the boards aren't
even connected anymore. And he like touched 1 and I
swear to God Eric, it crumbled to dust in like we all started
laughing like he shook it and it just crumbled.
Maybe maybe we should get rid of that deck and then get get
another one, in which case it would you got to get a second
deck, second deck. A second deck.
Second deck. Yeah, we could get a second deck
I. Mean if you gave somebody a
beach on it, you'd be sucking Dick on your second deck.
Come on, suck a Dick if you. Yeah, but if you had to race
somebody to give them that aforementioned blowjob, then it
would be sudden death on 2nd Dick and sudden death on a
second deck. Yeah, Sundef sucking Dick on
their second deck. That's pretty cool.
Yeah. And if you did it at night, it
would right during the evening. No, this one's too big of a
stretch. If you did it right in the
evening, it would be sundown. Suck, suck a Dick.
Sundef on a second deck. Sundown.
Oh, Oh, well, if you did it, if you I'm trying to like his dusk
is right there. You know, like sundown to dusk.
So sundown dusk. It's a sundown, dusk, sudden
death, sucking Dick second on your second deck.
You know. What I'm talking about, you know
what I'm talking about. I got to say, folks, the
transcript on our Zoom meeting right now, the live captions, it
is having a really hard time figuring out what the fuck we're
doing. What are they talking about?
Like. What?
How are they okay? This feels illegal I feel like.
I feel like. Zoomed auto caption should
should call they like call for help.
If, if if, if we go to instance like we're we're our, our
language faculties are fading right in front of its eyes.
Yeah, they're like, are you having a stroke?
Stroke your tongue out. Medical Assistance.
It could and you stick your tongue out and if your tongue
has gone to the wrong side then also PSA if.
You think, what time did you come supposed to go to?
Did you just trick me into sticking my tongue out on the
Internet? Is that what that was, or is
that no? You just did it 'cause you
wanted to. That's what happened to you as
you wanted to. What way is it supposed to go?
It's not that if you if a person tries to stick their tongue
straight out, like stick your tongue straight out, but they
don't, they stick. It to the Oh, I see, I see it
means. They're having it.
It means half of their brain is not doing its job because
they're having a stroke. I'm saying with like.
Sticking their arms straight out, smiling.
Anything that requires like a. Yeah, the.
The fucking parallel type situation.
So PSA, if you think someone might be having a stroke, ask
them to stick their tongue out immediately and go from there.
You know men probably call somebody.
If you need to call somebody, I don't know, get your shit
together. Take it to the shit store and
sell it. Shout out the back when Rick and
Morty was good. Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to you. Hi.
I just realized we just started talking.
We didn't do and we didn't do that.
We'll stand with Andrew, but you know what, it's fine if you've
been around long enough, you know that we're just we're we're
wigging it. This isn't it's not what we.
Call and Papa, there's a packet of salt and pepper.
Right. But if you were going to be, if
you had to pick one, would you be salt or pepper?
I feel like I would be pepper. Pepper would be pepper.
OK, then I feel like I would be salt.
No, yeah, it's OK. We can be pepper and pepper.
Well, I, I had, I didn't have a very strong preference.
I was thinking salt cause salt is very universal.
Like you can virtually you can use salt like salt is, is always
going to be a decent addition. You need to add salt to pretty
much everything, but not everything gets pepper.
I mean, I put pepper on a lot of things because I.
No, pepper is gross. I don't like pepper.
You don't like pepper? No, not very much.
I will like pepper on like very, very specific things.
And it's usually like if it's a cream sauce for whatever reason,
a little pepper on a cream sauce that does it for me.
But like if I'm just like eating my salad or whatever, no get
that shit out of here. I don't.
I don't like pepper. I also like ground pepper way
better than the like shaker pepper.
Oh yeah, pepper degrades really, really fast once it's ground.
So like the like the shaker pepper that's already in there,
like it's, you know, it does the job, does the job.
But dude, like catch you a Pepe bro catch.
You a Pepe? Catch you a Pepe.
You've made that for me before. I love that I.
Have made that for you, yeah. Also, you're what's the one with
the onions that whores like? What I I think you're talking
about, you're talking about carbonara, spaghetti carbonara.
No, there's it's a different one.
That whores like. Yeah, they used to make it for
their clients and that's why it's called like it's.
Sex workers like, yeah, no. What?
Jimmy? Look, Jimmy, look this up.
Brian. Where's Brian?
Brian, look this up. Pull this up.
Putneska. Putneska.
Oh, is that where that word? What does Putneska?
I don't know, I feel like that might be like an urgent urban
legends now. But it was like, yeah, because
putana means roughly horror prostitute, and putneska is an
adjective derived from that word.
The dish may have been invented in one of many bordellos in the
Naples working class neighborhood of Cuatieri
Spagnoli as a quick meal taken between servicing clients.
It's right there on the Wikipedia page.
Wow that's pretty cool. I didn't know that.
Fucking straight up bordello shit dude.
Yeah, I love that. But yeah, it's like that's.
Next time I make you Putin Esco and be like, hey, you want to
eat like a fucking whore tonight?
You'll be like, yeah. Be like well I am a sex worker
so yes. I so yes, I do that.
Speaking legally. By definition, I do all every
night. That's, that's exactly how I do
that. That's fine.
Everything I do, that's. How that works?
Is the behavior of an award winner before I've won an award?
I got nominated for an award. Did.
You really what's? The award I got nominated for,
oh shit, I can't remember the name of it, but somebody, I
think it was an AVN Award, somebody nominated me for like
my educational content and I thought that was really nice.
That's really don't. Remember what reward it award it
was. I lost so.
I'm sorry, but you got nominated and that's cool.
You're also drinking out of a deli core container, which is
pretty cool. It's the right amount of liquid
Chris got. Chris got rid of like all the
good cups because they apparently they crashed in the
dishwasher, which like I get if it happens they were old as fuck
anyway, but like they're all the cups are too small now and I'm
like, I'm not trying to have a small cup because if you have a
small cup, you have to keep her filling your cup and I'm not
going to get up and do that. So if I have a fucking gallon of
liquid that I'm just going to, I'll stay and I'll keep working
on whatever I'm doing. Yeah, that's solid.
That makes sense. I I've been carrying around this
big bad boy holds like a that's pretty good.
I hold, I think it holds like a liter and 1/2 or something.
It's. I also acknowledge that it is
yours. Heat small cups.
Oh yeah, dude. What's worse, the worst cups are
heavy cups that don't hold very much liquid.
Like, you know, those IKEA glasses, they're like tall, like
a pint glass, but they're heavy as shit and they're so they
always. Inch a solid glass on the
bottom. Yeah, exactly.
Oh God damn it. I'm getting mad just thinking
about those cups. I fucking.
I hate a small cups. I hate a small cup.
I honestly, I get more mad about cups than spoons, which I know
is really apparently. Yeah, well, because you know how
everybody's like on the Internet is the thing with like, spoons
and like. I hate around handles.
But you do like like little spoons or big spoons with First
off, the answer is you want a Korean spoon because that shit
goes so hard. It's lime spoon.
Yeah, the hand, it's like a, it's like a iced teaspoon
basically. But for some reason on Tic Tac
they're calling them Korean spoons now.
Oh, they're like long boys and they're kind of round.
Yeah, they're like long boys. That is the like the the the
twisty spoons that you can get at like like for like bar
drinks. That's awesome.
Fuck about those I I fucking hate heavy round, heavy thin
round handled spoons. The worst.
By far the worst spoon for me. The reason for that is shout out
to my brother Cole. What up is he would eat Rice
Krispies treats or Rice Krispies in the morning.
It was his favorite cereal. He would read it every morning.
Then I would sit across from him and sorry Cole I love you so
much. But when he ate Rice Krispies he
didn't like, braised the spoon to his mouth, insert the spoon
into his mouth, remove cereal from the spoon.
He would open his mouth and just like fucking hover above it and
Hoover it into his mouth. I'm I, I for this, for the sake
of you, dear listener, I'm not going to replicate the noise
that that made, but I imagine you can kind of imagine the type
of noise that that would make. And he liked the round, thin
handled spoons. And so I from a very young age
was like, I'm never touching one of those disgusting fucking
spoons because I just grew up watching them be part of this
horrifying sloshy ritual. And anyway, so I to this day,
like I still like, I forgot that that was why.
But now just when I hold one it just.
I just get, I don't know how somehow this one's involved.
I also hate a spoon that's too deep because you'd think a deep
spoon is good. It holds more shit I.
Love a deep spoon? But it also means that the
middle of your lip isn't going to touch the bottom of it, which
means that the sides of the spoon are going to be applying
more pressure to your upper lip. Pressure being of course force
over surface area. So like a deep spoon, it hurts
from a mouth. Yeah.
Have you ever had a spoon that's like too big and it like cuts
in? Like a.
Very big spoon. And then it like gets like riot
in the carnage in your mouth and it's just fucking miserable.
That's that I associate that with eating like brownie batter
or something like that, because when you're a little kid and
you. Got that spoon.
I would. Shove that whole fucker in my
mouth. But I was a little guy.
I was a little guy at the time. And so the spoon was really big
and so I like. Yeah, like, like the spatula.
My thing is, my mom would make this stuff.
I can't. It has a name.
It's like, it's where you take like almond bark and you melt it
and then you put in like peanuts and like chocolate chips and
like pretzels and shit. It's like a Christmas cookie
type thing. But she would always melt the
almond bark and then I would and it would harden because it
hardens back because it's like a candy.
And then she'd put it on. She'd let me scrape the bowl.
And so I would do that with the spatula.
And I remember the spatula like being like really too big for my
mouth. Is it like a?
Is it like a brittle like a brownie?
Brittle like a cookie. Brittle.
Yeah, it's, it's like a soft brittle.
It's like, I'll make you some. It's great.
But you mix peanut butter into the almond bark and then you put
in like marshmallows and peanuts and something else.
I can't remember. But like they're just, it's
basically just like a sugar bomb.
They're delicious. A soft, brittle those.
I've never heard those two words next to each other.
Before I'm trying to figure out like what what texture it would
be like it would be like. I mean, I know exactly what you
mean. A soft brittle I got that makes
sense. It's just it seems like that's
impossible. But no, I know exactly what you
mean. It's like when when you like
have icing on, like not like the hard icing, but like when icing
gets hard. It's kind of like that.
Yes. Yeah.
I do know what that is. I think.
Also, is a surface square a thing, or is that just what my
family calls a thing that my grandmother makes a surfer
square? A surfer.
Square. I've never heard of it as in
Bryan. Check as in like Ratahan tent,
like surfer and then square as in it is in a shape with four
equal. Well, surfer square recipe came
up so surfer bars, surfer squares.
OK, what? What?
Yeah. What is the surfer square?
I just know. Just thingy majig.
It's butterscotch, brown sugar, butter, eggs, flour.
It looks like kind of like a butterscotch brownie maybe?
Utterscotch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's, that's, that's I'm good with that.
Butterscotch Brownie, Yeah. I like the the ones that are oh
God, what are they called? Not snickerdoodles.
There's like the. It's like the there's.
The Mac phones. No, it's got like, it's got like
a, a chocolate layer on top of it.
It's not a mapper. It's a I'm just going to they
sell them at like the gas station in Minnesota.
Well, there's I was there like black or.
Blue maybe. Yeah, it's a Scotcharoo.
That's what I'm talking about. It's a Scotcharoo.
God, I pulled that from the fucking ether.
I didn't even know I knew that word.
I thought you were going to be. I thought you were fucking with
me. I thought you were, you said.
Scotch Scotcharoo It's a soft peanut butter base with crunchy
Rice Krispies topped with a deliciously rich melted
chocolate butterscotch layer. Say it slow.
Look up five fucking heavily with.
I love those. I fucking love Scouchy Roos.
The black and white cookies, you know, they're like a big circle,
like a grapefruit sized circle. Yeah.
And then half of it has chocolate processing, the other
half has some other flavor. I remember being lemony or
something. But they would sell them in
Grand Central Station. And so when I would go to New
York with my dad, I would always be getting one of those
motherfuckers. And when you cracked it, it
would crack right down the line. Because.
It like it was amazing. It was the best thing.
I would crack them in half. That's really cool.
On the side at the time, maybe I would stack them, combine them.
It was awesome. Oh shit, I like to do that with
Scotch Ruse, but you put the chocolate in the middle.
We have like a rice crispy sandwich.
That's good. I've been very aware of the
amount of bruises I have on my body lately.
You have a lot of bruises. I don't know what that's from.
It's well, I've been using it because Mike, our friend Mike,
shout out to Michael Kors. Perhaps the history.
He's just he's just one of those guys who will like inquire.
He'll be like, oh, what'd you do to your arm?
You know, And like, I don't think about, like, I don't ever
think about like if I hurt myself and like, like, I'll
think about it then. Like if I have a bruise and I'm
like, I assumed I whacked it into something or whatever
because the motherfuckers got ADHD, I'd be flailing about all
the time. Like if I.
Cared about every bruise I got. Triception energy Dog.
I do dude, I have poor cortical inhibition.
I'd be leap in before I look all the time.
Scientifically realizing I have. Bruises on my body constantly,
just like little. I also bruise very easily.
I'm very I'm very much like a tomato in that respect and no
other. Respect.
You need more iron, you take a vitamin.
I take a multivitamin. I take a daily.
Daily multivitamin bro. A good job.
That's great. I forgot mine in Los Angeles
pill so I have not been. Oh, I'll throw miter.
Over there really hard. OK, I'll throw it.
How's the Los Angeles bugs? How you doing?
Los Angeles is good. I'm coming back.
I'm coming back in a couple of weeks.
You are coming back in a couple of weeks.
It's good. It's been hot and then it rained
yesterday. There's a lot of dogs.
Here. It's pretty cool.
A lot of dogs here. I mainly, there's a lot of
people in my life that are moving and so I've been helping
people move pretty much every goddamn day for which is fine.
I'm happy to do it. Like, you know, you help your
friends move, it's what you do, but holy shit it's a lot.
But lots of knowledge are coming from.
Moving. Oh, I bet it is.
Yeah, I bet it is. Like holding, holding things in
weird ways and they push up against me and shit.
Los Angeles is good. It's a it's good.
There's not as much work as I would like there to be out here.
There was. A lot of.
Work for a while and then it kind of like but I don't know,
let's see what happens. No, I got you.
Things here are really good too. I did Champion's Grove in Ohio
and it was so good. But it was so fucking good.
Such a good fucking time. Holy shit.
It was amazing. I made friends, like I made cool
friends, which was very cool and it went really, really well and
everybody got along and we just like had a ton of stuff in
common and we just fived and it was great.
We were in a castle in the woods and I went on a hike, went on a
fucking hike. Bulbs actually went on 2 hikes
and it was really fun. It turns out I like hiking as
long as there's clear signage and no danger that I will get
lost in the woods forever. Yeah, yeah, that was weird.
Yeah. I was like, I feel like I just,
I don't, that's why I don't want to go hiking cuz I'm scared that
I would like get lost in like the Appalachian trailer or
something. I just disappear and die.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not a nature girl, but that
was really good. And I saw cool rocks, which was
amazing. They were big cool rocks.
And I climbed on the rocks and nobody told me that I couldn't.
Yeah. Nice.
And the Renfair went good. Yeah, the Renfair is good too.
I was there for closing weekends and I was Titania, Queen of the
Fairies, and I had such a good time.
Bubs, it's such a good fucking time.
I think I'm thinking about maybe clearing my calendar schedule
and just doing it. Doing some rainy stuff, some
rainy fair stuff. Doing, doing it like, because I
don't know, like do you ever have that like thing, like a
thing in your life where you're like, I make 0 money, what is
happening? Like I make 0 money doing this,
but like the, it just like the joy it brings you is like it
worth it, You know what I mean? And it's just like, I don't need
to get paid. But it's like the, the amount of
just like joy. Because I was like, you know, I
had like my big fancy dress, my big stupid wings and I like had
my dumb little flower crown that I just like MacGyver together
out of shit that I found in the basement last minute.
Because I was like, I did not think I was going to be doing
this. And then I was like surprised
and it was so good. And I like just got to like
these like little girls would just like run up and give me a
hug. I was like, I was a fucking
Disney Princess. And I had like my little spiel
and I was like, oh, do you want some fairy dust?
And I'd give them fairy dust. And I would like make a joke.
And then like I'd have a joke for the parents, you know?
And it was just, it was so good. I was so fun and it just filled
my cup so much. And I was like, I think this is,
I think this is the vibe. And so I don't know, it was
great and I had a really good time.
And I would say there were a fair number of people were like,
are you Kiddosaurus? I was like, no, I'm Titania,
Queen of the fairies. I don't know what was the what
was the fairy dust? Was it glitter?
It was just glitter and then I would have A and also it was
really funny because I, I realized like halfway through
the day that I was just doing Lucy Darling.
Really. Trying to do like an accent and
it just kept turning into caress.
I was like, I'm sorry. Like at some point I was like,
what's your beautiful name? And I was like, no, that's just
you. I can't.
That's not, that's hers. That's not mine.
Taken So this, this, this fairy dust, where would you sprinkle
it? Would you sprinkle it on their
head? Into their hand.
Oh, no, yes, no. So what you do is is you say
just can you hold out of your hand just like this?
We're going to summon all the magic from the world and we're
going to pull the magic out of out of Newcastle and I'm going
to let you take it home. And to seal in the magic, I'm
going to sprinkle a bit of fairy dust in the back of your hand.
So then I would do a little back of your hand fairy dust and then
I'd look at the parents go just in time to get in the car on the
ride home a bunch of later. How delightful.
You have a little riff for the parents get up.
And then I would say, and I checked in this magic should be
good for just about one year. So do make sure you come visit
me again next year so you can you can get your magic renewed.
And they'd be like, Oh my God, that's so great.
I'll come back. I promise I'll come to see you.
I mean, all right, my darling. And then that would usually be
like that. But there's also like the
beginning part. But that's usually the spiel for
like. That's fucking delightful.
What is? That's a great spiel.
Thank you. Was like, oh, hello, I'm to
town. Your queen of fairies.
What's your what's your beautiful name?
And they be like, I'm just Avery.
There were a lot of Averys. They were like shit load of
Averys and I'd be like, are you having a good day at the
festival, my darling? Be like, yeah, be like, what's
the favorite thing you've seen? And then sometimes they would
get scared because they don't want to chew something.
And then sometimes they were like really fucking on it.
And we talked about whatever they said for a little bit.
Or if they were like, I don't know, I'd be like, oh, it's all
right. There's so many wonderful things
to choose. How can you possibly decide I
like this, that and the other thing.
Or if they're like, I went on a ride, they'd be like, oh, you're
so brave. I'm too scared to go on the
rides. You're much better than I am.
And then in into the fairy desk thing.
So it was like, you know, it's got like little plug and play
components and that's what I was just that's what I did for 8
hours. That sounds fucking delightful.
It was so great. I had such a good time.
I already maybe bought a dress for next year like I was on eBay
and I found a dress and I was like, well, if I buy the dress,
then it would be as I kind of have to do it because I got I
got the dress. So yeah, are.
You allowed to talk about the thing that got.
I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.
OK. Yeah.
So, so fans of Love on the Spectrum, you'll appreciate
this. They were filming an episode of
Love on the Fucking Spectrum on closing day, which is a wild day
to show up to do the fucking thing.
But like, all right, whatever. It was crowded, I guess.
But it was a really interesting because reality TV is, I'm just
going to say it like is not particularly real.
Is, is, is what that is? So, yeah.
And so they were like, they wanted the king.
And so Chris was like, hey, so we also have with Tonya, queen
of the fairies, who happens to be a very famous neurodivergent
influencer. And they're like, yeah, sure,
butter the shot. And so there's going to be like
4 people who bought if, if that seed makes it.
I don't know if it will or not, but if that seed makes it,
there's going to be a hilarious fucking Easter egg for at least
like one person watching the show.
Like, is that fucking idiosaurus?
What was the? What was the bit?
It was just, it was, we just met the people and so, you know, so
Chris did like a nighting for the guy and then I met the and
then I talked to the girl a little bit and I was like, Oh
yes. And then she got a little bit of
fairy dust. But I also did I have fucking
huh, Huh, huh, Cuz I'm fucking good at my fucking job.
I was like, she's autistic and she's clearly overwhelmed and
it's hot as fuck. And they've been like with this
like film crew all day. And they're like making them do
stuff like over and over and over, which is wild to me, by
the way. That is like there are like
reshoots of like, that was great.
Now go back and do it again type shit.
He's like, Oh my God, like, and I'm like, you know, And so I was
like, all right. And so I asked her if she wanted
the visible tangible fairy dust or if she wanted the very
similar but invisible fairy dust that I've heard sometimes causes
less sensory distress for human skin.
And she asked for the regular the first time, and then she
asked me for the invisible the second time.
And I gave her what she wanted both times and I was like
inclusive, easy thing. I really hope they keep that
part only because I'm like, it's not hard to be inclusive.
Like it's really not. Right.
You just got to like give a shit a little bit and you're, you're
a fucking bad ass dude. You're so good at stuff.
You're so good. I'm just good at looking pretty
in a it's it's amazing. Very.
Fluffy. How it was the, it was that blue
dress that I bought for my wedding and then it was like too
blue and so I didn't wear it. But like it's wild to me how
like a hoop skirt will just blow peoples minds.
Like it was just, you know, it was like a big poofy prom dress,
quinceanera dress, wedding dress, whatever.
But like, I had a fucking crinoline on underneath.
So it was like big and poopy. And people were like, that's the
most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
And I was like, it's a fucking dress, man.
And so I learned that people are very impressed if you were ball
gowns to the Renaissance fest. What did you, what did you say
was underneath you had a crinoline?
A crinoline. A crinoline and a hoop skirt.
What's a crinoline? A It's like a petticoat.
What's a petticoat? Oh my God, a pet.
It's like a skirt that you wear under your skirt to like, poop
it out to make it. Yeah, but.
They also have ones that are made out of like they have
different kinds too that are like they have like padded ones.
Like if you were like living in the old timey days they would
have like padded ones that were like for like warmth and stuff.
I have one of those that I wear for parades on cold days.
And also just out of curiosity, is the zoom auto captions
spelling crinoline correctly? I don't know, I don't have the
auto caption. Oh, CRINOLINE.
It should look like chrono line. Yeah, wow, good for you.
Auto captions. That's pretty impressive.
That's and it also got Chrono and Align as two different ones.
Fucking wow. Chrono Wow.
Dude. Also Chronoline.
It's a time travel show, but it takes place on a train.
Take the chronoline. Speaking of making instruments
out of trash and found objects, I am realizing this.
This was a while ago in my life, but it's been a while since we
had the podcast. I have developed a new method of
making tension pegs on stringed instruments.
Dear listener, the game has been changed.
I've blown the lid. Why the fuck off of these?
Things. Holy shit.
Yeah. Well, so The thing is, I mean,
they make a lot of wind instruments because wind
instruments you basically just need a tube and time to fucking
make the tube the way that you need it to be.
But stringed instruments, you need some way of controlling of
specific amount of tension on a string.
There's also a lot of tension on the string, so it has to be very
strong. Generally, the way that that's
done is with something that twists like it's wrapped around
a thing and then the thing spins and it tightens it and slackens
it. Now we have, I actually have one
right here, now that I think of it.
What a code. I think you just pulled off the
top of a guitar, which implies that there's like a like,
where's the rest of it, Eric? It's.
Starting over here What? Is it in pieces?
Well, that's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be.
I thought it was gonna be like a box.
Like a shoe box. I got this at a yard sale for
free because he just wanted to get rid of it because he broke
it and fixed it like dog shit. So I just which is fine because
I'm gonna, I'm gonna turn it in. I'm gonna take it apart and turn
it into something else anyway. So like a broken guitar?
Fuck yeah. Like now I don't feel bad about
breaking a usable guitar, it's like this one's already broken
so awesome. So anyways, I just have this on
my desk. Why is there a circle on this
guitar? Why is there a circle?
On I was wondering that are you going to put one of those metal
thingies on it? I was thinking about it what I
think I'm going to do instead because I saw a guy do this and
it looks like an inch. Well, what I want is a guitar
that sounds like a banjo because I have a banjo, but I don't play
the banjo in the same way that I play the guitar.
It's not like 1 to 1, you know. So like my fingers are good, but
like the, you know, cords or shapes are.
Different you got to like have all the little like doodle
Deedles. Yeah, you got your doodle
Deedles, your finger picks on which I learned to use.
Yeah, I mean, I finger pick well, but like not with the
actual finger picks on my fingers.
Oh, but So what I want to do is cut out that circle and put in,
I'm going to take a 2 liter bottle, cut off the top and
bottom So I have a nice sheet of plastic and then tension that
over that hole. I'm going to cut out that
circle. So it's a hole, tension that
over the hole. Put the bridge in on this back
where it was on the center of the fucking thing.
And now I have a guitar that sounds like a banjo and that
would be fucking cool anyway, So that's why.
Thanks. I'm I'm excited for it.
So that's why I have this on my desk.
This is a just the head of a guitar.
So now see how there's like there's a worm gear here that's
spinning this. That's because there's a lot of
tension trying to get it to unwind and pull.
Before we had cool gears that would we'd used to do that.
We would just use tension pegs. So think of the head of a
violinist. Like a violin, Yeah.
Exactly. But to make tension pegs, you
have to drill a hole and have a dowel that fits precisely just
so in that hole so that you can. It's generally a little bit
tapered, yeah. I was going to say earn like
tuning pegs, like tapered a little bit.
They're, they're slightly tapered, yeah.
So you can push them in to increase the amount of friction
and pull them out to decrease the amount of friction because
you have to have enough friction so that the string doesn't
unwind, but still. But it can't be tight enough
that you can't turn it anymore. So you need to drill a hole and
have a specific towel. And it's a whole fucking thing.
So I generally didn't make string instruments all the time.
I might have like found objects because I would have to do that
and I don't have a drill press in my pocket all the time.
However, my dear love, if you have a pencil, 2 zip ties and
that's it, then you can put the pencil on top of, you know, your
whatever piece of wood is the neck of your guitar, put the
pencil. On top of it and.
Then wrap with the with the string, you know, the guitar
string or whatever string wrapped around it.
Then take the zip ties, put one, put it around the back so that
it's like rubber banded, you know, so like it's hooked on
both sides, but it goes behind it and then tighten it, which is
adjustable because it's fucking a zip tie and it pulls the thing
against against the head of the neck of your instrument and it
functions as a tension peg. You can twist it to pull the
thing. If it's too loose, you click the
zip tie a little bit. If it's too tight, you put a
Shim under the zip side to loosen it.
So there you go, I can slap those together like it's fucking
nothing. Now I can make do.
You have. Do you have one handy?
Can you show us your handiwork? I do.
Hold on. I'm so glad you asked.
Watch out for my lady, dear listener.
The apartment is not that big. I don't know why it's taking him
so long to come back. This is actually crazy how long
this the apartment is like you, you can get to the back of it in
10 steps. There have been so more, many
more than 10 steps. Are you screaming for help?
What is happening there? OK, he's back.
OK, I'm back. What kind of shit were you
talking? Were you talking?
Shit, I was just making a note that it took a ridiculously long
amount of time for the amount of space that we have in that
apartment. Yeah, well, it's because my my
bow is in the case, so I had to go somewhere.
Else got you. OK, that's fair.
That's. Fair.
So this is a violin. It's very small.
I made it too small. But this is a violin.
I've made it out of a can of tomatoes and a a stick that I
got out of the trash and some other sticks I got out of the
trash. There's the pencil, so you can
see how the pencil has a zip tie here and it's wrapped around the
back and up to the other side and the the string is wrapped
around the thing. So there you go.
And you got yourself a little violin, which I don't play.
I don't play the violin. I don't, I don't know but.
Can I hear it at all? Dang it.
Also, it's probably there's probably noise reduction.
Yeah, but it looks great. Also tell me is that isn't that
the same thing as a an urhu I believe?
Yeah. Like Kubo and the two strings.
Yeah, it's very similar that has a that's has a membrane as a
top. It's not wooden and it's also
it's it's played with a oh, I know this term.
Fuck, I can't remember. I want to look it up but it's
played. I'm looking at the Wikipedia
right now, so if you can guess the word I'll give you a dollar.
Oh, it's played with an object that you hold in your hands,
like a guitar pick, but it's a larger thing.
The name for an object that you hold in your hand to such duplex
strings on an instrument with is called.
I don't remember what is it. Hold on, I'm reading the
Wikipedia article because this is really interesting.
Do you know that they used they used to use Python skin to make
them and then they passed a law in where in 2005 where you can't
make urhu out of wild Python skins anymore.
So, OK, so the urhu is played with the bow.
And what's the thing? It's in the bow stick.
It's called a gongan. It's a cool word.
What's the name of like, the little thingy like Kubo has?
Yeah, I can't. Remember the name of the
instrument and. I'm oh, wait, it's OK.
It's a different instrument. It's called a shamisen.
And that's. Japanese, which is 3 strings.
OK, so yeah, so Kubo had three strings, right?
No, he had two strings. It's a 3 stringed instrument.
But he had two strings. And that was the plot of the
movie. That's where I got confused.
And the wahoo was only two strings.
Shamisen, that's what that's what it was.
And then shamisen is played with an object held in the hand,
which is called hold. On I'm I'm reading.
A plectrum fuck. Finally a.
Plectrum. A plectrum?
Yeah, a guitar pick. So good.
Yeah, a plectrum PLECTRUN. OK.
A plectrum is a small flat tool used for plucking or strumming
of a string instrument. So a guitar pick is a plectrum,
but it's also like a harpsichord.
The plectra are attached to Jack mechanisms.
Well, on a harpsichord, you know a harpsichord, Ding, Ding, like
when you press the key rather than at like on a piano would be
a hammer that hits the string. It's a little thing.
It's a little pit. Well, it's a plectrum or a
plectra plural that plucks the string.
So on the end of it, instead of a hammer, it's a little fit,
goes pluck, and it plucks the string on plucky pluck.
Pluck. Yeah, plectrum is a very good
word. Love that word plectrum.
Plectrum, did you know that there are 68 separate steps
involved in making a shabby sand?
Really. Fun fact 68.
Sounds low, I feel like you could.
Sub I know I feel like it would be more but I feel I feel like
because of the love it is like one big piece.
Oh yeah, I guess it's true. There's just a lot of like,
really solid, really well, well carved.
Pieces and also it's frigging Japanese woodworking.
And if there's one thing the Japanese woodworking is, is
fucking finesse. Like they're not going to just
use, they're like, why would I use another piece when I can
just spend three straight days shaping this one piece into
exactly like exactly the shape that I need it to be?
Plectrum. Also, there's a lot of different
types of plectra, the plectrum spectrum, Katie, the plectum
spectrum. The plectrum.
Spectrum. Say it, say it again.
Say it with me. Ready.
Plectum spectrum. OK, you were saying plectrum,
now you're saying plectum. What's the?
No plectrum, plectrum, plectrum. Plectrum plectrum the plectrum
spectrum. Plectrum is what I'm trying to.
Say, how do you spell? That with my mouth from
PLECTRUM. So technically a guitar pick is
also a plectrum. Yeah, yeah, that's a.
So it's it's kind of like not all plectrums are guitar picks,
but all guitar picks are plectrums.
Yeah, exactly, exactly. The plectrum that is used to
play a shamisen, it's quite large.
It's called a baki or bachi. A Baki.
Yeah, BACHI. OK, that's cool.
OK, that's what I wanted to know.
Like what was the actual called? Oh yeah, it's called a baki.
Baki. Yeah, a Baki plectrum.
I also like they're. Really big.
They're like you hold it like like your whole hand.
I also like the there's a Shavison like manufacturer and
the the you go to the plectrum patient.
So it's commonly mistaken for a putty knife.
Like how often does that happen that they have to put that on
the website? They look exactly like fucking
putty knife. I can see, I can see it.
Fuck, I want to make one. That is dope as fuck though.
They look exactly like putty knives, actually.
They look, Yeah, they look exactly.
But this one's really they have like really cool, like
tortoiseshell ones. That's beautiful.
Also baki. Yeah, Baki and then soft baki
are comparable to high end Beko Baki as our very flexible shell
is reserved for expensive baki. Hard medium baki can be high end
as well, but it's much harder to find natural soft flex in the
lower price ranges. This is so interesting.
This is fucking awesome. Also fun little thing that I
don't know the answer to. If you notice on the Shami sand
also on a banjo, there's like a it's a drum basically on the
bottom with a bridge that the strings go over, but the bridge
is never in the center of the drum.
You'd think that like the best place would be in the center so
that it, you know, has the most room to vibrate and transfer its
vibrations to the drum. But it's not.
It's always off to the side. And I'm wondering if that's to
not give more like inertia to the center of the drum so that
it it vibrates more readily. Or it could also be like, you
know, like if imagine, how do I say this?
Imagine you had like a, a pole in the ground, like a like a
pole and you're stuck in the ground.
If you grab the bottom of the pole and you shake it, the top
of the pole is going to be moving much further than you're
shaking it because it's fixed on the ground, so it's going to
rotate. If you would apply that to a
three-dimensional object like a drum, it's not moving at all at
the very edge of the drum. So if you were to poke push the
drum or tap the drum, just, you know, not in the middle, but
like somewhere in between the edge in the middle, the center
of the drum, I think would act like the top of that pole where
it would, you would push it some amount, but the the center would
vibrate more than that. But it's also not a rigid body.
So maybe that's not the case. I don't know R&D to come though,
because your boy is thinking about it now and I'm not going
to stop thinking about it. Really good diagram on Wikipedia
on. That side of the link.
Hold on. I welcome to our podcast where
we just see each other interesting me.
Right. Well, imagine if we had a had a
real Brian who could like look stuff up for us in real time.
Dude, that'd. Be so awesome.
You're not hiring fucking Brian. Brian's.
You can only apply for a surprise.
Or be being will be willing to change your name to Brian.
Yeah, Or I guess like, I guess it could be like, you know, I'm
like welcome to Night Vale. Like they have like character
names. It could be like that where like
you're playing the Character of Brian podcast.
But it's cool if your name's like Steve.
Yeah, but you will be. Yeah, you will be.
You are the Brian of and that's also cool because then we could
we could, you know, if they can't make it and we have to
substitute somebody else in, then they're playing Brian.
We don't even have to call them a different name.
They're because they're playing. Brian.
Brian 1. Brian 2.
Brian 3. It's like goblins and B&D.
It's like, no, this goblin is also named Brian.
Don't. Worry about it.
I started planning my D and D3 is it a one shot if you play it
over three days? But I started planning my one
shot for D3 at C and it's going to be so fucking dope.
And C3 AC just opened up reservations for the Danube of
the Damned where we are going to go to motherfucking Transylvania
and play Vampire the Masquerade at motherfucking Dracula's
Castle. So if you want to be a part of
that, send me an e-mail, I can get you on the list.
But it's almost sold out. Like it sold out in like almost
24 hours. That's fucking crazy playing.
That's playing in Dracula's. Forget Castle, Let's.
Fuck it. Yeah.
And then the next night is a masquerade ball at midnight in
Dracula's castle. I'm going to come back haunted.
I thought you were going to stop after come.
Also. Be so fucking haunted when you
get back. Dude it's there's going to be so
many like horny vampires on this cruise though too like.
I'm so. Excited for it because
apparently, like, a few people are going or just like
cosplayers, you just want, like, the opportunity to get the shot.
Like, you know, And I'm like, I get it.
Like, I would do that if I was like a hardcore vampire
cosplayer. Like, hell yeah.
I would fucking go to an event that's like, Oh yeah, you have
unlimited access to Bram Castle for an entire two days.
Like, fuck you. Like that's crazy.
That's fuck yeah. That is fucking insanely cool.
Yeah, so it's very funny. Speaking of photo shoots and
photo opportunities, a very funny thing happened to me.
I was helping Jenny move into apartment.
Jenny is a lady person that I've been seeing while I've been out
here #Poly life, what up? But anyway, she's moving, so I
was helping her move. So her apartment's just like
empty and there's nothing on the walls, just bare white walls.
But there's this weird like arch in in her the apartment.
And it's cool. It's a cool arch, but it's just
like, I don't know where there's just like an arch.
So it's a studio, so it's one big room.
But in the center of it is like this little divider that doesn't
go all the way up. And in it it there's an arch
like. It's hard to describe.
But like, it's a giving Hobbit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so we were joking about like, you know, what would be
the funniest? Like cheesy Instagram couples
photo to take under the thing and we were like, well, what if
we were like, you know, back-to-back in the thing and we
like put our hands together. So we were making an arch and we
were like kissing and then but we were both also just peeing at
the same time. Like we were also naked and we
were peeing like that would be so funny.
But started there and then it just became how funny of a
picture can we take in this thing?
Because she had this cool like camera that would print out the
photo right then. It was sweet.
So we ended up, Long story short, it ended up being like a
photo shoot of me naked just doing weird shit under the arch
because you can do a lot of cool shit with an arch.
You can go upside down because you can walk your feet up so you
can like hang upside down. And so there's this weird,
creepy, almost haunted looking like photo series we have now of
like me doing all these weird poses.
We got really into it because the light was cool.
So like we got really into it. We took like 10 anyways, and we
put them up on our wall because we just thought it was funny.
Like, there's nothing in the walls.
And now there's this ridiculous photo set up on the walls.
Next morning, knock on the door. It's Mike who's offered to come
help us do moving stuff. I don't know how many days ago
this was, but because we've just been doing a lot of moving stuff
and we're like, yeah, sure, come on in.
And he just goes, what's that? And I was just like, that's my
boss, good friend of mine, but also my boss.
And it was like, it was just too late.
Like he'd already seen it. He was already walking over to
it like there was no, it was too late.
And he just started laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently, he had a rough morning, too.
And so he was like, I always had a pretty rough morning.
That was awesome. That was really funny.
And I joked it was like, he and I share hotel rooms not
unfrequently. So like, it's just a matter of
time before one of us catches A glimpse, you know?
To get it out of the way, well, now you've like broken the ice.
Yeah, now you've broken the ice so my boss has seen my Dick.
It's all good process history. Anyway, see, I've been getting
up at the weird shenanigans too, you know, so.
I want to see them. Yeah, dude, I'm going back there
after this to continue the bullshitting shit because we're
in that weird. Like there's just nothing over
there yet. So like, like, oh, we have eggs,
we don't have any pants. Fuck.
So we have to like, make it even a little bit functional so that
she can like, eat food and stuff.
That's it, Yeah. I'll take pictures of them and
then I'll send them to you and then I'll also post them on all
of my channels and. No.
And physical copies to my grandparents.
You can post them on your onlypants.
I could post them on my onlypants I guess.
Yeah, it's that thing is still shit is extant dude.
Yeah, that shit is extant. Hey, Lewd.
Oh, I'm running. I was told to say this on the
podcast. So I'm saying it.
Hey, it's it's Pride month. And as the legislative, judicial
and executive branches continue to try and fuck over queer
people, I'm giving you a month free on for all three branches.
So go on over to my schmel unleash man's and you can have
three free months. You're welcome.
Happy pride. Oh, so you get a month per
shitty branch of the government? Yeah, I was trying to figure out
what I wanted to do for Pride Month and I was like, I'm just
going to give away my only pants for like 1/4 of a year, it'll be
fine. I'll say that judicial branch
dudes. The last only thing standing
between US and Oblivion is this flimsy little fucking judicial
branch, which is already half fucked as it is.
Crappy little branch that could, I know.
Right. Oh, we're not.
We're not talking about. That yeah, I was like, I don't
want to. Talk about cool, fun stuff.
I'm. Just going.
To start getting furious and this is this is a part of the
the because we know that the the listener's thinking about it
because that's all everybody's thinking about so this is the
time when the listener doesn't have to think about that they.
Get to think about cool stuff like an hour where you don't
have to, you know we. Were talking about farts and
butt and poop and pee pee and and poop.
We talked about poop, I guess We did talk about pee pee.
Poo poo, pee, pee, butts, farts, vaginas.
I think we've we've talked about Dicks several times.
We've talked about coming several times.
We've talked about peeing once, yeah, not talked about the
Jingos, the Hoohas. Oh, I had a yeast infection last
week, but it got better. And there it is.
There you go. Also, I feel like we need to
talk about it more. I feel like, I feel like we're
like, ladies never talk about how fucking prevalent shit like
that is. And it's just like all the time.
And I was always just like, oh, it's embarrassing.
And I'm like, I don't give a fuck, I'll talk about it.
It was fucking miserable. I wanted to die the whole time.
Sounds fucking horrible. Yeah, it's not amazing.
I had her to the doctor like 9 times about it.
Like it was too many times. It was too many times.
And I finally they gave me like meds and stuff.
And so now I apparently I'm cautiously optimistic.
Good. Yeah, sweetheart, I I mean to
talk to you about this, you got to stop.
You got to stop keeping bread up there.
That's. Oh my God if I was at a coupon,
that's disgusting. Hey I I feel like that.
Though I see. That would work better than
nothing. I mean, you shouldn't.
Hold bad guy infection. But smuggling it out of the
store, right? Now.
Like. The problem is like the fucked
up part of my brain is like how much of a bad guy could I fit
into? I mean the friction a lot like
there's just no smoothness, you know, it would just be.
Well, I feel like you would have to put like something over it.
Like I don't think you could. Just yeah, yeah, I guess.
You get crust, you get, you know, like little sharp crusties
on the crust. Yeah, you get, you've had to put
a condom on it. Yeah, I bet you could get like
a, like a you think of like a sandwich roll, you know?
It's like 5 inches long, you know?
Yeah, but like, I'm talking like proper baguette, like 2 foot,
you know, like sticking out of the grocery bag in the movie
because I feel like that's the funniest option.
That's. Yeah, that is really funny.
I mean, at some point I don't know what's the.
Funniest food that you could put in your China fish but.
Watermelon no. Watermelon.
How would that even be physically possible?
Stone fruit. A small watermelon.
A durian. I've a durian.
Oh, I've seen, I've seen some pretty fucked up shit on the
Internet. There's definitely people out
there who could fit a watermelon.
But like, how do you get it started?
I don't know. Yeah.
It's not like it's. Like do you have to get like a
particularly tapered watermelon? Yeah, I guess maybe you got to
do that thing where you you put rubber bands on it so it like.
Oh yeah. It's dinner or something.
Hopefully it doesn't explode in there.
Watermelon Squad or? She's so glad that we brought
back Infinite Quest after the hiatus.
We've got like a year's worth of bullshit.
We got to get through all the intrusive stuff.
Book. It was hard.
It was and it's remains hard. It is continues.
It remains hard. Honestly, because of how my
brain works and the shit that I hate to do, like answering
emails and remembering login information and then fucking
confirmation code was just sent to your.
Oh my God. Writing the book was way easier
than corresponding and doing all the stuff afterwards to get it
to work. Like, because writing book was
like, sit down and write the book, you know, like, do that.
Yeah. But now it's like.
No, there are. Rounds of provisions on the
thicken thing and it's like dude.
Yeah, we finished writing the book.
Yeah. A year and a half ago.
Yeah, it seems like it was. It seems like it was like 10
years ago. I know, right?
We sent in the final manuscript of the book a year and a half
ago. That's.
Why I mean. Big, heavy, big asterisks on
final edit. We edited a billions thing after
that, yeah. But we we actually just sent
notes about the illustrations and today, yeah.
I don't know if. You're a listener.
Next one you'll see Will. Be the will be the ones.
That's crazy. That's super exciting.
I'm excited about that. I'm I'm nervous.
I guess she's got your question. They're going to be good.
Yeah, she's great. I'm so excited about her.
Oh, you wanted to talk about the book Getting the pub day getting
pushed back? I know you should have done that
like an hour ago, but it's. I also I was thinking like oh
we'll do 1/2 hour episode but I forgot how much helpful much fun
this is so I'm laying up. Keep hanging out.
What if we just ended the episode abruptly right now?