Hi everybody. Its weak.
Katie Source, everybody gets me. Hey dude, and welcome to episode
24 of infinite quests. It's a lot of episodes are there
really is. I'm really amazed.
I remember, we were like, let's just get 10 episodes out and
we'll see what happens. And now, for, now, this is our
job. Yeah, that was our job.
That's really weird. Well, I really thought our
office would be cleaner. Once this W is Nikki, we're
totally to prize. Hey, sweetheart me to it's okay.
Well, do a cleaning session so dirty and here.
So, hey before we start this episode, I just want to
recommend that. If you're my mom don't listen to
this episode. So, um, but okay, that's kind of
a funny joke but in all seriousness, this episode is
going to be about Kink and sex and ADHD.
D. And so if you are uncomfortable
with me, hearing stuff about sex and sexuality, if this is not
the right episode for you. If you know me in person and you
don't want to know some things about me that you can never
unknow. Perhaps, skip this one.
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say Mom and Dad do me a favor and
skip this one. I just don't want to have that
in the back of my head the whole time.
I honestly don't know if my mom was my podcaster.
I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't listen to this podcast.
But just in case, if you are my mom, maybe maybe skip this one.
Cool, cool. Well, Katie, so it's finally
here. We're having the king episode.
We're having this talk to you forever long, the long-awaited
Kink episode. I should, I should say right off
the bat that when I say Kink, I am saying kinkajou50a CA ke
because apparently, a lot of people think that I'm talking
about cake when I'm talking about Kink because I tend to
mutter. And so I've had this weird fear
that everyone is going to be very confused about my Affinity
for baked goods for the next two hours.
Or however, long, this episode will want to be.
So yes, I'm talking about kink like, the sexual practice.
Well, so Katie, you're an experienced Kink person.
You talk about King Khan. Tick-Tock side gigs.
Sorry. Can cut the hair if you wanted
to. But I didn't think of a case.
I do have an only fair. Whereas I'm very new.
You sort of introduced me to the world.
That's really. Thank you so much.
It makes me sound. Like I was like, join me.
My Cults but you were, you were interested in it before you met
me, you just didn't really know how to start right?
Yeah. Absolutely.
I mean, I, I'd always sort of had this I don't want to sound
like a. I'd had this, like, hole inside
my heart or something that needed to be filled.
But there was always this like gray area in my head that like
ever since I was like a young person like 10 11 12 wouldn't
like there was always like this, whoa, things intrigued me that
don't seem to Intrigue other people.
And then, as I got Older and like became more sexual.
I realized like oh some of the stuff has to do with sex and so
I've always been sort of approaching it but I've never
had like a Virgil to my Dante. Oddly specific reference so no I
think it is. Thank you so much.
You've done a lot me great great service.
Was we travel the layers of Kink.
Hell, maybe I think maybe like honestly like the the I feel
like the place to start is just by defining what We are talking
about when we say Kink. Yeah, because one of the things
that I think is really interesting is that I literally
Googled what is kink because I've always had sort of like my
preconceived notions in. My understanding that I've built
in my years is like a gangster and a kink educator and that
kind of thing. But what I found is that there's
actually like a weird sort of change in the terminology that
is happening. And so I wanted to talk about
that at the very top of the episode for people who might be
like, what the fuck are they talking about?
It's so when we talk about Kink we are talking about the
activities that are most normally sort of held under the
umbrella of BDSM. So consensual practices that
involve but are not limited to like bondage and discipline
dominance and submission sadomasochism basically like
power Dynamic like exploration the power Dynamic and how those
manifest in our lives and our sexual life.
Lives in that kind of thing. But one of the interesting
things that I found in my research is that there is
there's been sort of a change in the terminology like it used to
be BDSM was the term like if you were into BDSM like that was
your definition but as BDSM sort of like porn basically, like as
porn sort of became more graphic and became much more about like
just like the dominance and submission side of Things.
There is sort of this trend to start just talking about Kink as
a whole. So Kink is basically the
opposite of vanilla sex, you know, straight vanilla sex and
that's like the origin of the term is like if you have
straight regular sex, there is no is straight.
There's no Kink, It's Not Bent. And so that's like literally
where the term comes from is kink.
Well, that's interesting. And I know that I might, that
might be a lie, but I read that on the internet and I said it
out loud. And then I went 90 people are
going An email us and tell me how wrong.
But that is that is part of the the history that I read is like,
the term Kink comes from like that sort of like, change in
what would other be like, heteronormative sex?
So yeah, I think such a core part of it.
And you've already said the word and I want to make sure we
highlight it. We give it the attention.
It deserves is these consensual practices.
So if you're having a Non-traditional sexual encounter
that. You feel wasn't consensual like
that's that's not an accurate representation of King, what
Kink is no, Kink is all about something.
I particularly enjoy about it is, although you're doing these
things that from an outside perspective, might seem
dangerous or risky. It's all within this immensely,
safe bubble of consent and understanding.
Well, which I think is amazing. And I like that.
You said that, because I think, right off the bat, one of the
things that I want to address is the things that kink aren't is
not. And like, first off, Kink is not
non-consensual, like, Kink is always, negotiate, even
non-consent in scenes is negotiated, and like, that's a
whole other bag of potatoes that I don't want to get into, but,
like, consent is vital and mandatory for any King practice,
and I think that's really important, but the other thing
is that Kink is not indicative of abuse.
It is not indicative of, you know, Bad parenting, like you
have daddy issues or mommy issues or anything like that.
It is not indicative of mental illness, it is not indicative of
any sort of like, Brokenness or anything wrong with you.
It is a predilection, it was a series of preferences, but for
many people and I think this is really interesting, and there's
actually a really great quote that I'm going to frantically
pull up as fast as I possibly can.
Ann Jillian, Keenan who writes a lot about sex and kink says,
Kink can be such an orienting force that for many of us, it
even overpowers, gender. Hmm.
And I think that's really interesting because king is not
indicative of, I literally just said this, but like, king is not
indicative of being broken, or you're crazy, or you're gross or
disgusting. But at on the other side of that
many people, Are fiercely protective of their Kink
identities and they are fiercely, sort of.
I don't want to say guarded, but but their identity in the Kink
Community makes up a huge part of who they are.
And so the conversations about kink in like sort of the larger
more like I don't say like normal but like conventional
Society can be really difficult because talking about like being
the submissive or being you know.
I don't know like a Like a leather daddy or something.
People can look at you and go, like, what the fuck is wrong
with you like oh did you get spanked as a kid like that kind
of thing where it's like? No, like this is a major part of
who I am and I think it's really important to acknowledge that
right off the bat as we go into this episode and we talked about
Kink because especially talking about Kink and neurodiversity, I
don't want to paint the picture. That what we are saying is that
like every kingster has mental illness, or has a
neurodiversity, nor does every person, No type urgency or a
mental illness, enjoy kink like, that is not what we were saying.
So having cleared that up, shall we move on to the episode?
Sure, I feel like I just apologized for 15 minutes before
we started the episode but like it's just it's really important
to me that that like we we approach this conversation from
like a very clear point of why we were talking about this.
Yeah, I mean I think you clarified for an appropriate
amount of time and I think one's not to draw.
A terribly bold parallel, but or analogy but I think I mean for
me personally and on in perhaps we'll get into this a bit more
later. My understanding of my own neuro
diversity in my understanding of my own Kink identity were both
very much a similar experience and in fact aided in each other.
Yeah and so I think if you are newer version and you are also
kinky it's it. Well speaking from experience it
helped me to learn More about my kinking identity.
It gave me sort of the courage to learn more about my
neurodivergent identity. That's really interesting know,
and I think to like one of the reasons why I really wanted to
do this episode is because I have found that there is such a
fit for neurodivergent in the Kink Community.
Like it makes a lot of sense. I'm going to talk about that a
little bit later, but one of the things that I struggled with was
fine, Finding resources about like Kink safety and
neurodivergent see, like, how do you play safely in a scene, when
one person or both people have time blindness, how do you deal
with rejection sensitive dysphoria in terms of being a
top or a bottom, you know? And and those kind of
conversations like that is why I started like making the Tik toks
and and the content that I've been producing is because so
much of the conversation around Kink is Towards there are two
like, you know, neurotypical people having these
conversations and so the I don't feel like there are nearly as
many resources and guides and things.
There should be for people who do have neurodivergent.
He's, you know, and I think that that's important to acknowledge
as well. Like, as we, as we talk about
this because we are both neurodivergent and that presents
its own series of challenges, And stuff.
Absolutely. One of the more striking ones to
me was was dopamine deficiency. ADHD person has a dopamine
deficiency. And when you're just getting
flooded with all this crazy dopamine, especially early on in
can can you experience what you've told me is called frenzy
like oh my gosh, this is amazing.
What? No, let's do this at Forever all
the time which means all the time is a very risky thing to
try to hold in your brain when you have time by this.
But that was that was definitely something that I If I didn't
know from you, thank you. That's, you have to be careful
about the amount of dopamine that's getting flooded in your
brain, when you're a nerd virgin person and a neurotypical
person. But especially if you're a
person who already has an ADHD deficiency.
Yeah, well, and for somebody who might not be hit to the cool
lingo. When we talk about frenzy, we
talk about, it's a very common experience in the Kink community
and it's a new person comes into the scene, and they start
playing Saying and they start, you know, experiencing like
kinky activities and they tend to sometimes people will be
like, I need more, I need more right now and it becomes like a
very dangerous cycle of risk-taking activities where
people are going out of their way to experience as much candy
as they possibly can. Right off the bat.
And, and so, that is called frenzy.
Because it is not necessarily the healthiest way to sort of,
like, get in. Lived in the community.
And I was one of those people. I had Wicked case of frenzy but
because I was primarily playing with, you know, individual
Partners. Like, you know, one at a time,
they didn't know. And so like I just some really
dangerous stuff and so I that's something that I think is really
important, especially in conversation with neurodiversity
is, is that like dopamine drop and one, just dropped like
dropping, In general, like sub drop down, drop is such a real
thing and it and it's about the burning through those chemicals
in your brain and you just, you feel like shit the next day.
But when you already have naturally, lower levels of
dopamine and serotonin like wow, can the sub drop hit hard and
then even more with like, rejection sensitive dysphoria
and sub drop. It's not great, you know.
Yeah, I don't know where I was going with that but this is this
Really good podcast so far. It's just me apologizing for
everything that we haven't talked about yet.
I'm really nervous, I'm really nervous about this episode.
This is something like I'm so passionate about and I care.
So deeply about the Kink community and like the
neuro-diverse community. I like I'm really scared that.
I'm going to say the wrong thing, you know, and I realize
that we have the ability to like edit, we can add it this, but
like I don't know. Like I just like I feel like I
have so much to say about this and like now I'm trying to like
say it all at Once which is silly because we could just do a
part two and part three. That's true.
Cajun, for forever is our pocket.
I'm having frenzy about the Kink podcast.
This is what is happening right now.
Well, alright, so then all, then all, I'll give you a real.
Let me talk. Let me try to say everything.
Okay, I am going to drink my very noisy drink right now.
Yes, please. I regret putting ice in my
drink. Yeah, ice and podcasts just
generally not friends well so I was just reading there's a
researcher named. Hughes at the University of
California. Santa Cruz, who is a prominent
Kink researcher who basically goes on FetLife and whatnot and
assembles these research projects to just study, what is
up with Kink? What trends are going on in King
and he identified five stages of Kink development in a person's
life. The first is sort of
self-exploration when you're that, apparently, typically
occurs before the age of ten, or this does not necessarily have
anything to do with sexual. Reality it's just particular
episodes of you know TV like a superhero movie where there's a
person tied up in distress. Again it's not necessarily
sexual it's just that for some reason makes your brain go like
oh this is intriguing it draws your attention or if you're
playing cops and robbers or Capture the Flag, you want to be
captured, you enjoy being captured and or kept in jail and
Capture the Flag. I'm gonna have I'm like you
haven't told me about this yet and so I'm realizing that live
time. Be running through these moments
in my head and I'm very excited to see what I like.
I'm gonna have a podcast breakthrough.
I know I'm gonna have a podcast breakthrough.
Okay, keep going, keep going. Because I've already had my
first and I'm like, yep. Okay, I know is, I know.
Okay, absolutely. Like so I was gonna list all
five, but but this first one is in, is fascinating, because I'm
doing the same thing, like, I remember being like, but when
bear, when memory, barely existed for me, like those
little things where I don't remember what was happening.
I just remember little snapshots.
I remember like, I always really liked trying to get, like I
would wear a long sleeve shirts, stretch out the sleeves.
So they were like, way over my hands and I always like trying
to get them as Tangled as possible.
So that like I was restrained in my shirt again.
Nothing to do with sexuality had no idea what sexuality was it
just for some reason that was intriguing to me stuff like
that. I'm trying to think of other.
Not example. They don't necessarily want to
bring up because you do a lot of weird stuff when you're a kid
for no reason. This is a judgment.
Is our thank you very much. But I remember like, what else?
I remember? Whenever I would like, go to the
bathroom. I was always like toilet.
Water is a weird, like, I didn't, I never liked drank, the
toilet. I don't know that if you did
drink the toilet water, that's fine.
But for some reason, I was like, what makes that different than
normal water? Isn't it weird that we consider
this to be? But like that.
Just for some reason just triggered my my brain to be like
to wonder about that kind of thing.
Which is was just fascinating to read that.
That apparently a kink one's relationship with King.
Apparently according to Samuel Hughes starts very early and
what's fascinating about that to me is that at that same time I
was noticing things about my nirodha vergence, he's in much
the same way. Interesting which now I'm now
looking back. I was like oh yeah I was my
basement was constantly you know filthy with with half-finished
project you know when I was six I really enjoy.
Like crumpling up tin foil and hitting it with a hammer.
So it became like this little piece of metal.
Like, I love that. I did it all the time but I
would, I would like do that and then forget about it and then
become obsessed with spray-painting.
Like I remember there's a big board in my basement where I
would just put like things up against the board and then spray
paint over it and then remove it.
So it had like this little print on it.
Oh yeah. So I was just constantly doing
stuff like that and like when my friends came over, some of them
the people that ended up being my really good.
I'd like childhood friends love doing that kind of stuff and
some of them were like, what the fuck are you doing?
Like, do you want to watch TV? Like, I don't understand what
you're doing. You're doing.
And I think, well, the second stage of Kink relationship is
well, Samuel Hughes has five stages.
We can relationship typically occurs between the ages of 5 and
14, where you basically start to realize that these Fascinations
that Again, also may not be necessarily sexual are not
shared by everybody that there's that.
You know, you might feel that you should keep them secret or
that you should feel ashamed. God, forbid about those sorts of
things. And again, in much the same way
as I started. Realizing that not everybody,
not everybody shared those same neurodivergent qualities that I
didn't understand were part of some larger trend of the time.
I started becoming ashamed about those.
I showed you becoming ashamed about how messy my backpack was
and how, you know, I couldn't sit and just watch TV with my
friends. And so that Mike my relationship
with King has followed a remarkably similar trajectory
like, every statue of a step of the way.
This is fascinating, I love that you're drawing this parallel,
right? So what's the, what's the third
of the third typically use occurs between the ages of 11
14, which is sort of evaluation Just, okay.
So where does this leave me? And I guess you could sort of
think of this as like, Gestation period or like a simmering
period? A distillation period where you
know, where does this all leave me these for evaluation?
What do I do now? Typically at this point, it
starts. This is General apparently
again, according to Samuel Hughes is research, this is
occurs between the ages of 11 and 14 and that's when This,
it's no generally becomes a markedly sexual thing.
Masturbation is involved, seeking out pornography static
Samuel Hughes. Let's buy the fucking numbers.
I do my own life well when you like I was 11 I was 11 years
old. The first time that I
masturbated. Like I remember that I was 11.
Like I'm just fuck you. Samuel Hughes.
Yeah it was like I don't will even when I first started like I
don't know at what point like became or it goes from like
Mindless self-exploration to official like masturbation.
I have no idea but I remember. Yeah, like around 14.
I didn't know it was, it was like, it feels so weird to using
the term kink in relation to an 11 year old, but it was me.
Yeah, I'm referred to my 11 year old self.
I did I didn't masturbate in the way that like I don't know one
would picture masturbation like picture what it is and movies
and stuff like that sure it was just Like trying to experience.
Interestingly, Sensations on my genitals.
Frankly. Yeah.
And that was like a several year long period.
Eventually I realized like more efficient ways of doing it, and
that became the way that I did it.
But in those early stages as that weird fascination with
strange, things started to blend and grade 8 into sexuality.
There was like, yeah, 11 12 or between the ages of 11 and 12.
It was just, it was what I now noticed to be sensation play.
Is I was just curious about all these weird Sensations that are
happening not to mention during those ages of I will generally
what is going through puberty? Hmm.
And so your sexual self is Awakening, there's all sorts of
strange, hormonal, things happening.
That's one of the reasons why, I mean, I'm sorry to cut you off,
but like I think it's like one of the reasons why I like I
changed the way that I introduced my Tick Tock videos
and I thought a lot about this because I used to be like, if
you're not 18, get the fuck out. What I realize is like I was
Even when I started exploring my sexuality, like I was, you know,
I was 11 12 13 and it's like I do.
I think it is appropriate to be like, hey kids, let's talk about
fucking sex. No, but I think that it's really
important that we talk about sex and sexuality in a way that
makes the 11 and 12 year olds, not embarrassed and not ashamed.
And if they have questions and if they have concerns like they
can go to the They trust and say like, hey like this is the thing
that I want to learn more about or whatever like there shouldn't
be. I think there's.
So I'm going to say that better. Like there's such a stigma and
there's such like this weird thing about like we can't ever
talk about bodies with kids. We can't ever talk about sex and
it's like, do I think that like, like it's very nuanced?
I think, you know, it's very delicate thing because you don't
like, every kid is at a different developmental stage
and like kids mature. Differently and that kind of
thing. But like it sweet like it's
weird. It's just like you said, like
it's weird thinking of like sexuality in terms of myself as
an eleven-year-old. But like I remember that like I
remember having those thoughts and like being confused as an 11
year old. And so I wish that there was a
way that it was like appropriate to like have those conversations
in a way that doesn't make you sound like an absolute fucking
creep monster, you know, because it just like, I don't know.
It's like I just like I worry so much about like the The Katie's
of the world who are like out there being like, what's wrong
with me? Why do I like these things?
And it's like well your 12. We can't let you listen to this
podcast yet but someday you're gonna be like I wish I had this
when I was 12 and it's just like, what are you?
I don't know. I don't know how to have those
conversations. Yes, it's something, it's
something that honestly infuriates me that whenever like
sex education is brought up in school.
Like even the idea of referring to the bear science behind sex
to somebody under the age of 18, Politicians and notable
typically religious figures will say like it doesn't belong in
the schools, that's the job of the parent but not them.
I'm not fucking talk to my kids about that kind of shit they can
learn on their own. There's so like these, its it
frustrates me. How much kids and teens and
whatever sub 18 year old people are just so left, just figure it
the fuck out. Yeah, like have fun.
Like, I'm going to put a blindfold on you and tell you to
run through this room and you're Figure out what's going on in
there by smashing into everything and you're going to
have an awful time, or I could just take the blindfold off and
say, look all this stuff like it's absolutely infuriating.
So then the next phase as Samuel Hughes puts it stage for of King
development is finding others. He's this typically occurs
between the ages of 11 and 18, perhaps that that middle
evaluation phase was very quick. Started, but again, this does
not necessarily mean that you were finding other people as
sexual partners. I remember when I was I think I
was probably 13 when I met groups of people who I could
say, like, hey, you know, isn't it?
Kind of weird. I don't even drink toilet,
water, or whatever. The hell people who weren't
immediately put off. I want to very quickly clarify
what that Eric has been talking a lot about toilet noise and
that is not it. Anything.
That's not the king conversation.
That Eric is alluding to know. He just picked up a very weird
accepted her strange example. But yeah.
So that's, that's not my thing. That there's anything wrong with
that being someone's thing. But just for the sake of
accuracy, that's not my thing. It was just a weird example of
like a conversation that I wondered about, but it couldn't
have. I couldn't have a people because
they were so guarded all the time, but I remember when I met
like this group of people, I can remember their names, I won't
say them, but I can remember their name.
Ames when we could and I did, I felt like I could just Express
things I could just say things and say, isn't that weird.
What do you think about this? I remember my first the first,
girl, I kissed actually her name was Miriam.
She had a nickname that everybody actually called her,
but her real name was Miriam. It's a very strange nicknames.
I don't actually but Miriam you know who you are.
If you're listening. Hello.
That's a better or worse. Docks of like she had a nickname
but here's a real nail like nobody.
Nude, this is noting. But anyways, I remember she was
my first kiss. We were kissing or kissing on
like a merry-go-round at a park. You know the ones that you could
like spin. Mmm.
And I kiss I was kissing her and then I just remember saying like
isn't it weird that we don't just spit in each other's
mouths. A shortage of topics I was like
is this the same thing? Like that's all we're doing by
kissing is the swallow saliva and that's fine but if you spit
in someone's mouth it's like straight it It's the same thing.
You're just exchanging saliva and she just laughed really
hard. She was like, yeah, it is weird.
And I was like, I don't wanna be, I remember I clarify.
It was like man Miriam, like I want to clarify.
I'm not asking to spit in your mouth.
I mean, if you want me to, I will I'm merely wondering why
that's weird but kissing isn't, well, if you're interested like
sidebar, you, there's a lot of saliva in your own mouth right
now. Yeah, you listen.
It was a lot of saliva in your mouth right now.
Make it out. But if you spit like into your
hand right, imagine looking at back up, it's gross, right?
And that's disgusting. It's the same thing.
It's already in your mouth, it's just now you've removed it from
your mouth and you're putting it back in.
Why is that so much weirder? I have no idea if I still lose
sleep over it. Anyways, I remember all of your
phones or web right now. Katie, they are, they are,
they're all of your bones, bones are wet.
I just Wet all of them. They're all inside of you wet,
right? So perhaps your teeth, my teeth
are very wet right now. What about your cochlear bone?
It's the bones. The tiny teeny.
Tiny bone in your ear. I feel like those probably went.
Those are covered in hair in earwax.
I don't think that's true. We're gonna have to edit this
part out. Nowhere, this is too gross.
You gonna leave it is what gives it gives.
It gives it gives a good seasoning to the fuck.
Although I know you'd like undress, salads and dry
sandwiches. Listen, I have sauce.
I'm so sidebar to the sidebar. I don't like sauces, I like
pasta sauce, I like pancake syrup and that is about it and I
don't know why you keep trying to feed me.
Only and vinaigrette when I have clearly told you over and over
and over that, I don't like sauces, they creep me out, I
don't like them, they taste bad, you're not going to change my
mind. Hey, hey, Eric.
Hey, what's up? Hey, are you, are you ready for
this? Yeah, it's our first commercial
ever. Oh my God.
We're like in a visual -. Well, Eric.
I have a couple questions for you.
Do you know what I like being able to see?
Love? It's like my favorite.
It's like my favorite thing. Do you know what else I like
being super stylish? I like both of those second only
to being able to, you know, what the third thing.
I like affordable glasses. Frames that Are also quality.
You seemed my first three favorite thing.
That's really weird in exactly there with us have ever that
order. Well, I have some really good
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You see? Oh my God, I'm never gonna leave
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But here's the most important thing, when you're on that
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I'll give you 10% off your order.
What the lug, give you a little something, something off the
top. Well, when you feel when you
frame it like that case, I know when you view it through that
lens. Ocular it's it's really
Uncharted Territory because like when you go to the eye doctor
there's no it's like you know, but the A and then the letters
get smaller. Yeah.
That was a really good heart.
I would say, whatever. I just That also, their logo is
glasses. Did you know that?
I didn't know? Yeah, the L 0 0 L makes a little
pair of glasses and, you know, and you can go look at it.
If you go to Z little.com, that Ze, L, o0, elle.com, and use
discount code, kto for 10% off your order.
I've been, I've been looking on their own, their own, their
stuff lately and we get one of those sweet Atticus Finch class
is gonna look so good. I'm gonna like walk around and
I'm going to be like, I am jack stands.
I already objected to that idea because the code Katie.
Oh, I can. And that because everybody wants
to know, I'm just going to tell you right now.
The green glasses are called the Doulton glasses and you can get
them for 10% off of Steel. I know.
All right. Do you feel?
We have commercial data quickly? I think we can work some pre
adequately Lexa Let's glasses, pun, that was a really good
class. I'm extremely proud of you.
Thank you all. Okay, thanks T, little nailed
it. Crushed it bye.
Hey everybody. It's me.
Katie asaurus and we just wanted to let you know that this week's
episode is brought to you by our good friends over at honey.
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Okay, bye. Anyway.
So back to spitting and Miriam's, mouth, and Miriam's
mouth. I remember the feeling of
alleviation when I could finally just wonder stuff to people
again, some of them were related to sexuality.
Some of them fucking work but I remember just being able to just
be myself, sometimes they would laugh.
Sometimes they would go, huh? But they weren't just completely
Like they were engaging, they weren't just like, that's weird.
We're not going to talk about that, and that was also the
fucking same with mine order of urgency.
There were certain people who I couldn't just be openly ADHD of
around. Like I just couldn't do it.
They would. Or if I could, I was like a
prop. I was there for entertainment.
Yeah, it makes me sad, I was fucking entertaining.
I mean, look, I was, you're not liked it.
I liked being attained. Well what I think is really
interesting is like and I haven't gone into a lot of
specifics with mine, but Like one of the things that I very,
very clearly remember. Is like, my I found my like Kink
Community right around that age. I was like 14 15.
You know, back in my day we didn't do have the internet and
cell phones but like finding online communities of flight,
King stirs were like, yeah I'm totally 18.
You know. But like that was How I Learned
like that was how I found. Out that like, there were other
people who liked the things that I like and I think like
Tick-Tock has become that for a lot of people like whether or
not it is you know like oh I have ADHD.
Here's a community of ADHD people or autistic people or
King stirs or whatever. Like I feel like a lot of our
listeners, a lot of our viewers are in that part there.
In that like, especially our younger Our viewers are in that
moment of like finding out that there are other people like
them. And it's like, weird to remember
back because I like, I literally haven't thought about it in
years. Like I remember the websites
that I used to go to. I remember like the fucking
like, Geo cities message boards because I'm elderly, you know,
that I would, I would frequent and I would, I would learn
things about Kink and BDSM and that kind of thing and it's like
now we might be part of that. Since like other people's
Journeys, and that like weirdly like, makes me happy.
Like I feel like it's a little bit like full circle.
Yeah, absolutely. In for a moment think that makes
me feel a lot of pressure to be like accurate and whatnot.
Yeah. Honestly what I was looking for,
at the time, I didn't know this is what I was looking for at the
time but looking back I wasn't looking for accuracy - so I was
looking for fucking honesty. Yeah.
Well maybe people were so guarded about I mean I'm still
frustrated when I when I would ask strange.
Like, I'm trying to be honest without being vulgar, but when I
would like, you know, there'd be a scene in a movie that would be
watching with my friends, and there's like, a person tied up,
or there's a person like, you know, in distress, and it's a
movie. So I'm not we're not looking at
her sexually and distress. Yeah, but like and, you know,
just for the because I want to be like intellectually and
emotionally intimate with, like, my friends.
That's something I value in a relationship.
I would feel dear to What I was thinking, which is like, you
know, I don't know. Wouldn't you like that to happen
to you or something like that? And they like they wouldn't they
would either laugh in a dismissive way.
Like that was an entertaining and funny thing to say, thank
you, Eric, or they would just go to Jesus and like, not doing so
laughing. Like, you're laughing right now
because I'm laughing. That's because I know the movie
that I asked my friends about. What was it?
There it this is a true story. This is a real true story about
me and it's funny that you said the, the first Just sort of
exploratory level, one of. It's the same scene.
It's been the same scene for a lot of my life.
Oh God. I think my brain is telling me
that you've told me. I think, I had, I want to try to
think of it. I don't want to sit here in
silence for 10 minutes while I try to remember.
Okay, as soon as you say it, I reserve the right to go.
Aw god dammit. I wouldn't, I would have gotten
there. Are you ready?
Yes, I'm ready. It's the corset lacing scene for
meet me in st. Louis, I would never have gotten
okay, but that, that was one of the first times that I remember
being like, Actively fascinated by this, like idea of like
corsets and confinement and like that kind of thing.
And then I remember being like older and like, you know, you
want to show your friends, the movies that you've loved.
And so I showed them means he was, which I want to be very
clear is a fucking Judy Garland movie musical from like the
1940s. Like it is not a sexual film
like in any stretch of the imagination.
One with that song that you forgot the lyrics to yeah.
The trolley song. That's just that's what.
Yeah, so on. Okay.
Yeah, I see I've told you about this movie because I love this.
I love that movie. But like, so I remember being a
teenager and like showing it to my friends and being like, Oh my
God, like one of you like so cool.
If like we all like had court like corsets or whatever and
they're like what the fuck is wrong with you?
Like, I don't remember being like, Oh, I'm the, I'm the weird
one, I'm the one. But like to this day like now,
like as an adult who like I'm Comfortable talking about my
sexuality, like lingerie and like corsets and like that.
Like, they are so, like appealing, you know what I mean?
And like that is that it's like a part of my, like, coal King
identity is like the, the clothes that I wear.
When I am King King, I can't, what the hell is the now or the
verb form when I'm I'm already taken playing in a six.
You say playing. Yeah but I mean it also depends
because like, you know, No. I mean we're going to get to
this probably later but like, you know, I'm a switch.
So like I'm not always subbing or submitting what sometimes I'm
topping or will. Like, I don't know, I don't
know. I'm sure that there is a word
and we're going to get another 40 emails.
Like you fucking idiots. I also want to clarify.
I'm glad you use of those terms. So there's subbing being
dismissive person and then the opposite of a sub generally
speaking, if you're looking on the internet and stuff, they
term you will most commonly see is dominating Just so happens
that Katie doesn't aesthetically like the word dominate.
The term Dom, I hate it. Why?
Oh so instead Katie used the term, use the July, I say top is
a topping and bottoming topping and bottom because I have this
weird, I think part of and I also hate the term brat but
that's the term that I use the most on picked up because I
think it's the funniest but like, I think that submission is
a This Nomar because in a healthily negotiated seen,
really and truly, the submissive has all the power.
The submissive, is handing that power over to the the Dom or the
top or whatever you want to call it.
But like, I am up, like, when I am my this, you know, subby a
sudden all of a sudden Subspace McGee.
I am under absolutely no impression.
In that, at any point, I could just be like, hey, I don't want
to do this anymore, and it would stop because I'm in charge, I am
in control. And so, like, and there are some
people who, like, genuinely give up that power and have like that
genuine power exchange. But even that is negotiated,
even that is part of the submit the submissive, or the bottom,
whatever. And so like, I just say top and
bottom and like in my head, top is the person doing the thing
and the bottom is the person, having the thing done to them.
But I also think it's important because I am a switch and like
not to spill the beans this early in the episode but like we
have been doing stuff and we will switch in the moment.
And like so it's so it's like all of them surprised everybody.
This is the big reveal. This is the first recorded.
We've referenced it on like lives and step was the first
recorded instance of yeah. This is it to being to being
romantically involved. Sorry.
Nobody said it was her. Antic joke's on you because that
was significantly louder than the rest of the episode in.
You're going to have to you're doing it in this week's.
Oh haha, oh no, it is so loud. Look at how that we all that
does spiky spikes? Oh no that's terrible.
Well so on so I mean I'm sorry you go.
No no you go. Thanks but no I mean so like I
don't know like I realize that it is a very /.
It's like the same thing. Like I hate being called I'd
ma'am. I fucking hate ma'am.
I live in the south I could called mammals.
I fucking hate it. And so like for me like I have
my own sort of like verbiage or like, I like to say top instead
of Dom but like in the general Kink Community like when I am
teaching workshops, when I'm educating, what I'm doing
classes or whatever like I say so sub and Dom like I use them
interchangeably but like I personally Katie I don't like
calling my Self like a Dom. I say I top sometimes.
Yeah. I like the idea that That the
submissive person isn't actually submitting.
Like they still have as much power that as they ever have,
which is why I love the concept of calling an instance of a kink
encounter a scene because it's a scene in the same way that when
two actors are like, Ian McKellen isn't actually a
wizard, what you are aware that he is not actually wizard.
So well, how does he know where to stand?
People told him where, how does he know what to say what's in
the script and the script? That's a very heavy.
I'm really proud that we took that bit so far as a reference
from the for 10 people, just just, you're welcome, but in
much the same way, and it Kinks a scene is basically an instance
of a kink encounter. So scenes, begin scenes.
And yeah, well, I and I do want to say, though that when you get
into conversations about like, 24/7, oh, we're like outside of
the bedroom. Like those are also perfectly
valid and totally like normal. Normal parts of much of the Kink
Community, but like, because there are a lot of Lifestyle
people, you know what I mean? And that is super valid, but
that also comes with its own. I mean, I know, I just said
this, but like, its own set of like negotiations and rules and
agreements and that kind of thing.
But yeah, yeah. I get what you're saying.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
In that. Yeah, I guess why I guess my
room. So I was just harping on the
language involved. And I use saying that like, oh,
it's submissive person isn't necessarily actually giving up
power. Although, in some cases mean, I
think they're, I think, I think the words seen lends itself well
as forwards towards edifying that, yeah, I think the like I
think like like a loan like I think it's like a loan, you
know, it's looking Allah in alone alone.
Yes, not alone like Home Alone. Um, because I feel like home
loan. Not like the Home Alone.
Yes, like a hunk but boom, but like, I think, like, for me, the
appeal of submission, the appeal of being the bottom is like, I
don't have to think. Oh yeah, I am turning off my
brain. I'm looking at my partner and
saying, like, I'm trusting you to like guide this experience
and make this experience into something real Like I don't have
to think I will just do and that to me is like, really, really
appealing. Oh yeah.
But you know, for other people, it's for other reasons, you
know, like some people like the service aspect of it.
Some people like the sort of care element of it.
Like its submission looks different on everybody because
the terms and your partner and it's so complex, it's so complex
and I've no idea how to talk about any of it.
I think that's poison. That's why one of the reasons
why it's so fascinating like something.
I like to think about is like do well.
So let me ask you, let me ask you, let me give you a little
question here. Kok.
And to anybody who's well? Who wants to?
Okay, try it. Oh God, now I'm nervous.
What is the single most complicated naturally-occurring
structure? That humans have ever observed
in a universe? The.
The spiral know what question I was quite similar to the human
brain. The human brain is by far the
most complicated naturally, occurring structure in the
entire universe that we've ever observed Stars gravity for
forces all acting together. We can make very accurate models
of galaxies and ship. Those are for generally pretty
well, understood. I mean, there's still a lot, we
don't know. But in terms of, we understand
galaxies, much better than we understand the human brain.
That's annoying. Right?
I find that to be D, like, I'm annoyed.
You own what? I am deeply annoyed own.
The most complicated, one of the most, you own, an instance of
the most. I would rather own a Galaxy
because it would Jim, it's fucking, it's exhausting having
this brain for janko's Alton must be very jealous of Will
Smith and the other man in Black and that cat, let's be real
jealous of that cat. Well, have you ever noticed that
it only rains when I cry? Eric, that's probably really
funny. I'm sorry, it's that was a
really tight Men In Black Rock. Reference, you're welcome.
Anyways, do you know so given that one human brain is the most
complicated naturally-occurring structure that humans have ever
observed in the cosmos. When you put two of those
motherfuckers, together whole Eddie is infinitely more
complicated. So, every conversation, every
interaction you have with somebody else is two different
instances of the most common, most complicated
naturally-occurring structure that we've observed in the
cosmos interacting with each other.
And so, a kink scene is one of those instances which is why
it's so fucking complicated but also why it's so fucking
fascinating as every single kick relationship is unique in the
same way that every single human relationship is unique I'm
stressed out know that's stressful.
I think it's pretty cool but also on the topic of you turn
like being submissive and turning your brain on how much
of that do you think has to do with your ADHD?
All of it. Okay.
This is I know that you're not shocked but we forgot to do the
last one, the last of Hughes all the five, we got to do that
because otherwise we're never going to get.
We got it. What is it?
Tell me about it right now go oh gosh.
So the fifth one is as an as an adult finding others in
exploring with others. Especially it's like the I mean
I don't know if this is what what Hughes intended is to be
thought of as well? I think of it as like the
promised land like now for example, where we You and I are
both in that phase. I just got really excited to
yellow level 5. The next time we're doing a
scene together. I love her like you know
animation and like a RPG or an MMORPG when you level up and
there's like yeah, Sparkles and stuff.
I'm gonna get you a little, you know, like when like the
PlayStation, like the little blue in the little achievement
is alive. Oh yeah.
I'm gonna scream achievement unlocked, level 5 and I'm just
gonna ruin everything box. You fucking pleb.
I don't play video games. My whole ass.
But so that's that sort of which.
And so again this is my under slyke interpretation of what
users trying to say. So one is you're sort of in the
dark, you kind of notice that you find interesting things like
well this scene in the movie where the person or in the
superhero movie where things are tied up or like, for me, I like
getting my shirt sleeves, all tangled so that I can't move
followed by a period of might have another situation.
Largely, I can reject because they are also in that same
phase. And then the sort of weird
middle speed period, where a, an immense stigma is created in
your own head. Well, now just created in your
own head, but because of yeah, and Society treats, that makes
that kind of stuff you're in the sort of like, oh shit.
Here we go. Then it's followed by another
phase of further exploring and then finding people that do are
at least willing to explore and have perhaps taboo.
Ian's and then the fifth stage is like okay.
Now that I found these people now that I'm like eight over 18
and have agency and can go where I want all that stuff.
Now I can explore my own identity and help other people
explore their identities. And that's just a is a wonderful
place to be if you know if you're being healthy and
consensual and safe about it, of course.
So that's sort of how I understand it, and I think those
five stages are Eerily similar to at least my own experience
with minor diversion see is I mean you're certainly an
argument to be had I think it's kind of strange which is not to
say that again. Like as you said at the top of
the episode it's not that. If you were kinky you are a nerd
a virgin or if you're no different than you were kinky.
The Earth are separate things but in this case I find them to
be mentally analogous. Yeah, I also something we
haven't really touched on yet that I'd love to talk about is
how does Kink. Aydin or in any given any way
relate to your narrative urgency.
Oh well, I'm glad that you asked Eric because I was the next
thing that I wanted to talk about.
You did a good job that was real good.
It was a great Katie, that's your thing, not mine transition
also just so everybody knows this is gonna be a long episode
part. One of this is part one but also
this probably going to be a long boy because we fucked up and got
way off track. So, okay, so the thing that I
think is really interesting about kink Neuro Divergence is
that. So there's been a ton of studies
done on on basically sex and and neuro divergency particularly
sex in ADHD and over and over and over the studies show that
people with ADHD experience dramatically higher levels of
sexual, dysfunction than neurotypical people and like it
shows up in like thirty nine percent of men and like,
Forty-seven percent of women and stuff like that.
But starts, whatever. What do you mean by sexual
dysfunction? Well, I was going to tell you
Eric, so good. So here's the thing.
So across the board, they'll sort of like dysfunctions or
problems that people with ADHD tend to have during sex are the
following. Thanks I wrote them down,
trouble paying attention and staying focused during sex in
general having a low sex drive. Now I want to caveat by the
saying that there is also a sort of other side of the coin.
Of a lot of people also experience hypersexuality, but
it can kind of peak and Valley as well.
Or sometimes you have like, extremely low, sex drive, and
sometimes it's like, oh God. It's all I can think about, but
it tends to be very one or the other with a lot of people with
ADHD with that too. With the the the balance between
hypo and Hyper. Sexuality is very sudden,
changes in your sex drive, like literally you can be like doing
the actual fucking having sex and Like change your mind in the
middle of it. You like I hate this.
That's all I want happens to me all the time like 50% of the
time at least. Yeah.
So then another component that comes into play is things like
Risk and risk taking behavior, that tends to be a little bit
more related to hypersexuality and then the big sort of
glaring. Major one is for for anybody,
with ADHD, trouble orgasming, and then for men in particular
erectile Gin and then for women just trouble with arousal.
So those are kind of the problems.
But what I think is very interesting about Kink and what
I think is very interesting about King as it relates to ADHD
is that Kink is very, very uniquely suited to help with a
lot of these problems. And I'm very carefully and very
specifically using the word help.
Not solve because I am not purporting.
That Kink is like the the savior of everything it's going to cure
your ADHD, not saying that, but if you, if you think about Kink
and you think about like what is going on when you're having
these like Kink experiences, a lot of them are sort of a direct
answer to the issues of sexual dysfunction in people with ADHD.
And I think that's Fascinating. It's so interesting.
Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm sorry I spaced out during
the last again since I watched it happen.
I was like there's no no one is home.
I'm sorry I still really like and the lessons.
I cut last like three words and I was like oh shit.
I totally missed that. Do you mind repeating yourself
for the for the viewers it further?
For the listeners at home? No, that's when I for me
personally. Not for you personally, because
you've been paying attention this whole time.
Yes, no. I mean, I think it's just, it's
fascinating how if you start sort of breaking down the
component pieces of Pink and different activities, and
different things that you can do in Kink.
They sort of become like a one-to-one parallel of like, a
lot of the problems that people have in terms of sexual
dysfunction. Oh, so they're like microcosms
of yeah, like will like you talked about earlier like
trouble paying attention or staying focused sensation play.
Yeah. Right.
Like varying than the sensations.
Exploring different senses like Like bringing attention to or
taking away different senses like that is really really oh
yeah useful but they're still like a stigma of like home again
I can't use a blindfold because that's not kinky and I'm like
yeah and it works fucking great if you have ADHD because you
don't have anything to look at, you can just focus on the
sensations that are happening around.
You like, oh yeah. I mean I think in, I said
earlier that my as I explored my Tink identity, my idiot.
Gee I'd enter alert a virgin identity started to take shape
as well. And one of the Big Show absolute
Shockers to me was we were doing a scene one time and you like I
fucking love classical music like a lot and you were like I'm
going to put music in years. I can't remember what peace it
was specifically. I think it was Rachmaninoff 5.
There is no Rachmaninov, five. Well that I was wrong.
I think it was Rock three. But and I remember being when
when we, when we were like again negotiating like what do we want
to seem to be? What are we going to do?
I was like, yeah, that sounds great.
And so but then the moment came and you did in the scene started
and I was listening to rock three which is one of my all
time period pieces of music. Rachmaninoff's, third piano,
concerto. By the way, I remember being
like, we got like a couple minutes in And I was like this
is not going to work because it was just too much, which is
strange because in my everyday life, I very often need many
different things going on, such to focus on any of them in any
capacity. And so I figured out in a kink
setting in a sexual setting Katie your, I'm so thirsty.
Your water is out. There you go.
God, I was. So, I was so worried.
You're going to start chewing on that ice, but then he started
choking and I was very relieved. Now, I'm chewing and choking in
the face. This is a great podcast anyway.
Hey everybody with me so phony, I'd like to personally apologize
for this weeks, episode sponsored by bad Life Choices.
I have some Shock some styrofoam nearby phone either of those
together, whatever you want. But I remember being shocked
that that wasn't the case. But yeah, because in my everyday
life, I'm doing work or cleaning or whatever.
I need to have many different things going on since to focus
on anything because then I can bounce back and forth switching
between focuses and that just helps me keep stay going.
But that is apparently not at all the case in any sexual
setting. Take your otherwise which I've I
don't like I don't know what's up with that because I'm only
like two months into my Kink experience but I found out in
Kink. The opposite was true earplugs
blindfolds restrained at minimizing of any other
variables. So that the Sensation that in
this case, that you are giving to me, is the only thing that's
happening. Yeah.
Like one of the most something I get asked about a lot that I'm
hesitant to talk about because I'm bad at.
It is practicing mindfulness and being which is roughly can be
described as just viewing in in a completely objective and not
judgmental way. The physical the sensation is
that are going on. The noise is your hearing
Sensations within your own body. The most mindful I've ever been
in my life by far was when we were doing wax play when you
were doing wax play on me which to those listening to what that
is basically. Clearly.
There are these specifically made candles.
That who's wax who's I'm just personal bank account 69?
Whoo. Yeah, sure who, you know I'm
very in George the candles that's I'm picturing them
dancing. Now with looks like little like
Lumiere Beauty and the Beast. I was thinking of our guests.
I'm sorry that we got to do it. Steamboat Mickey, you know,
chard and he's like bouncing. Yes.
Anyways, jeez, what are we doing?
Well, I need to clarify for safety purposes.
Sex wax. Wax wax Play Wax melts at a low
temperature so that's enough to kind of like hurt a little bit
and notice it but it's not hot enough to do tissue damage.
Do not ever do it. Do you wax play with regular?
Can do it ever? It's bad for you bad bad time.
Anyways, I was blindfolded near plugged, and you would basically
drip this wax onto me which again, was not enough to tissue
damage is hot and like, sort of jarring, but it's not doesn't do
tissue damage at random spots in my body.
And My entire brain went beu in the only thing that was
occurring. I was just aware of my entire
body because I never knew where the next drop is going to fall.
Right? And that like changed my
understanding of what mindfulness was that experience
figure out? That's like a really nice
compliment. I really cute.
Well was the wax like well it could if I wasn't I helped a
little bit. I'm just being a great as my job
could have been replaced by a robot soon enough.
All this ours is topical but Anyways, so my as my king
identity has been developed, so to his minor diversion identity
and I think a lot of it, it's also interesting.
I think a lot of it has to do with turning my brain off, like,
when I am sobbing or bottoming, I my brain turns completely off.
I'm just I'm trusting you to provide whatever experience you
think would suit the moment and so I don't have any decisions to
make I don't have anywhere to go.
I like being restrained for that reason.
I don't have to worry about moving my arms because they're
In the same spot but you also absolutely kind of tie in both a
conversation about consent. And then also like one of the
problems that a lot of people with ADHD have is like their
mind. Suddenly changing is like you
absolutely have the power in the moment at any point to be like
nah, no. So, like we're done or like can
you change this or fix this or whatever?
And I think that is also one of the other reasons why it's it
kinky. Is so appealing is because like
you have permission to change your mind.
Emily. I want to be very clear, you
always have permission to say no and you always have permission
to change your mind but like in Kink especially because there's
so much communication and there's so much negotiation that
it is understood that like you're like and I struggle with
it, you know, I struggle with like asking for changes or stuff
like that, but it is sort of understood that like sometimes
stuff is going to go wrong or something that worked yesterday.
Day isn't going to work today and so it's always a constant
conversation about consent and change and negotiation.
Whereas I think that like, sometimes we have this idea that
like, oh I'm having sex gotta see it through like no, fuck
that. Yeah, you don't I think like the
the high-octane this of a that candida can occur during King
Cena, the volatility that can occur during the Qing scene
requires the couple or people or however, the whatever the fuck
is going on. On to be hyper-vigilant about
consent and communication and negotiation, all that stuff,
such that like, during vanilla sex, all of those practices that
we've learned through King scenes.
We're now just extremely good at saying, like hold on.
My arm is not getting this position or whatever the hell.
So I'm trying to think of a good analogy, the one I'm thinking of
is like, so I'm a professional cook and in a kitchen it is very
dangerous to be unaware of your surroundings.
It's very dangerous to just whip around without without Checking,
first? Because somebody could be
carrying a massive pot of boiling oil, and Scar.
Both of you for life. Like you, it's because of the
yeah, Eric, Katie, I'm sorry. Yeah.
You want to you want to try a little bit more about well, then
some hot oil Birds on your face. I'm sorry.
It's okay. I'm just giving you shit.
Anyway, makes you look cool because of the volatility and I
and danger that is, that is present in a professional cook
culinary setting. There's you have to be ever
Vigilant about the sorts of things such that.
Now, when I'm in far, less high octane situations, I'm still
very aware of my surroundings, I'm still very aware that when
I'm coming around a corner at speed, that I should slow down
for a second. And look before I and so, I
think, Kink play Kink kinky - can very much even just in even
infrequent, kinking experiences, encounters scenes can help
vanilla sex, like, if you have a partner and you're not, you're
not, neither of you are particularly kicking.
Every once in a while, just doing something that requires a
bit more communication, a bit more, just, yeah, it can help.
You just get on the same page about, hey, if you don't like
something, you can always tell me which not to be overly, you
know, brought about it. But, in everyday life now, it's
like, I feel you Katie that I can say like, hey, bothers me
when you do this little stupid thing because we've established
that we both of us always have permission to say what makes us
comfortable and stuff like that. So, I'm also, I think you are
very good at and I am very bad at.
Yeah. We're, we're, we're working on
you did well. Less that we were using the, I
know the deep muscle tissue massage or thing.
The one thing that and you not enough sex, way under some very
quick, just in it, just in a massage way, I asked for one
whole thing. You did good, I did it.
Ooh, yay! Yay.
But anyways, I think I'm in a stage.
I'm in the beginning of my Kink identity, I suppose at least
early. Stage 5 of my Kink identity.
Largely, thanks to you. Thank you very much.
And so I'm sort of, I'm realizing a hero.
I'm realizing all the ways that it's that it's helping me that I
didn't expect. I couldn't imagine my life any
other way, pretty great. Well, here's what I think at
this point I think we need to do a part 2.
Yeah. We're I think I think we're
going to have to do a part two. I was gonna bring up a whole
new. We're going to bring up.
Well, let's, let's let's save it because we can, we want to start
over, but I do want at least you keep our episodes to reasonably
consistent lengths of people know that they have enough time
to listen to it on the way to work.
Keep it--keep it consensual that consensual one hour wear.
Yeah. But the difference between how
being submissive helps my ADHD because I'm is make 0 decisions
and how being dominant or topping helps made EHD I'm
making all the decisions but for one exact purpose which is to
provide my partner, the best possible experience, so I'm
never wandering anything. I'm just all everything I'm
doing is in service of making your experience as good as it
can be which is like the exact opposite of being submissive.
But it helps my ADHD in exactly the same way.
It's called being a service. Top Eric.
Whoa, that's that's what that is.
It's all the lingo. So now I'm going now.
So just that is that the teaser trailer for next time?
Was it is, do you have any? Do you have any Outlet will
closing thoughts at the at the end there before we I mean, shut
it on out. I think the thing that I would
say and again, like I feel like I'm just preemptively
apologizing because I don't, it's weird.
Like I've spent so long teaching workshops and classes and like,
and being in the Kink Community. But I still have this fear that.
I'm gonna like say the wrong thing and it's like, well, if
you say the wrong thing then you apologize.
And you educate yourself and you move on but I'm just like what
if I was wrong. You know.
Yeah. Because I think that's my
perfectionism showing through, but I think that the real thing
is like, Kink is huge. It is a huge topic.
There's a, there's a lot to it, there's a lot of nuance, but I
don't know. Like the the reason why I wanted
to start this conversation is because I'm realizing how many
people we are. We are meeting and hearing from
and and and honestly learning from who are On stage 3, stage 4
Stage 5. Like there's so many people who
are out there and who are looking for information about
like, well, how does Kink apply to me?
How does my special concerns? How do my special needs and
wants and that kind of thing, how do they How do they
translate into my belonging to the Kink Community I think and
and what I would say is like my answer to those people's like
you belong like you absolutely belong like you are valid
regardless of neuro divergency regardless of mental illness,
like whatever things that you might have that you feel like
are a hindrance. They're not.
Because the whole point of Kink is solving those problems
together and establishing that intimacy to Gather and
negotiating and communication, communication inning, that's the
word that you use. And I think that's just like
that's that's the whole point. Like that's why I wanted to do
these episodes because I just I don't ever want anyone to feel
like they don't belong especially when I feel like
there's so much good and there's so much like, healthy, good
stuff that can come out of participating in kink.
Shining shimmering splendid. Tell me princess, I can show you
the world, don't you? Dare close your eyes.
Let's talk about butt sex here and she's like a whole new world
is about Buck text. It is a song about butt sex,
right? You're welcome by the way.
Yeah, thanks. Fuck you and of the podcast.
Graduations. You made it to the end of the
episode before we go f from all of us at infinite cost, we just
want to say thank you. Thank you for listening to our
podcast week after week. Thank you for leaving us
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the show. Thank you for sharing our
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take this opportunity to say thank you.
We are so, so grateful, this week, in particular, we want to
thank our new patrons, so, thank you to Kayla Brianna Kitty
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And again, from all of us at infinite Quest.
Thank you. Remember to be kind yourself
this week. Remember to drink water and
remember that. We love.
You have a great week. Everybody will see you soon.