1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,480 Today I want to to think about a topic that I was actually really 2 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,040 glad to be asked to speak about because I think it's really 3 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,200 important. And I think we've said already 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,960 this morning about how we are a family. 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,200 And I think all families have times that people go through 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,080 things that are really difficult and where they experience 7 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,160 disappointment. And I think that emotionally 8 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,560 healthy families are able to to bring those things into 9 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,400 conversations and to be real about them. 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,600 So today I want to think about the faith of disappointment. 11 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:45,280 So I want us to to, I guess, consider a difficult question. 12 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,360 What do we do when faith doesn't work out the way that we hoped, 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,160 when the healing doesn't come, when the prayer isn't answered 14 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,960 the way that we expected, or maybe when heaven feels silent? 15 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,840 What do we do when we are left saying, I thought that God was 16 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,239 going to show up differently. And I guess I, I want to focus 17 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,840 today on maybe the idea that our faith is not just about trusting 18 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,760 God for the outcomes that we want, but it's also about how do 19 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,720 we respond when we're experiencing disappointment and 20 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,280 times that we just don't understand. 21 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,000 I want to begin by sharing something really personal for my 22 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,720 own life, but that was one of the first things that that came 23 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,200 to mind when I was preparing this. 24 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,680 So I want to begin by telling you about my friend David. 25 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:35,440 We were friends at Bible college when he was 20 and I was 22. 26 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,160 He had been experiencing lots of back pain and was saying that 27 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,560 nothing seemed to help. One night he was in so much pain 28 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,440 he was unable to sleep. And we both lived on the Bible 29 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,640 college campus. And I am a night owl as well. 30 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,040 So we went for a walk in the dark, in the rain. 31 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,280 And I just remember him saying just I'm lying awake in pain and 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,960 I can't understand why doesn't God make himself clearer? 33 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,240 Like, why doesn't he answer prayers more clearly? 34 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,520 And I remember saying to him, look, we could stay up all night 35 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,160 talking about the theology of suffering and unanswered prayer, 36 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,800 but actually, maybe there are some things that we're not going 37 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,800 to understand this side of eternity. 38 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:20,120 The next day, David flew home to Wales, where he was from, and he 39 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,560 collapsed in the airport. It turned out that his backache 40 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,440 was a cancerous tumour in his spine. 41 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,840 David had a brain tumour as a child, but this time the cancer 42 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,360 had been missed. Over the next few months, David 43 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,200 suffered deeply. So many of us prayed. 44 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,200 His family prayed, we held prayer meetings at Bible 45 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,320 college. David prayed and I prayed daily. 46 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,120 Yet in human terms, his prognosis was poor and I 47 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,760 remember David telling me that he was memorising Bible verses 48 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,320 about heaven. In one of my last conversations 49 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,320 with him, I shared the verse My grace is sufficient for you, and 50 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,520 my strength is made perfect in weakness. 51 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:01,160 I remember David saying, yeah, God's grace is sufficient even 52 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:06,240 in my current circumstances. We also discussed Proverbs C 53 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,560 verse 5 and 6 and what it meant to trust in God, not your own 54 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,240 understanding. One day the merits concluded 55 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,320 that they needed to put David into a temporary induced coma. 56 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,400 As he was about to be put into the coma, David said to his mum, 57 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,480 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own 58 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,680 understanding. I believe that he probably on 59 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,880 one level knew that he wasn't going to come out of that coma 60 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,120 and was prophetically sharing that for his mum. 61 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,120 David was in the coma for the next few months. 62 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,880 He turned 21 in the coma and then he died. 63 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,480 I'm sharing that as an example of a time of deep heart and 64 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,280 grief in my own life. But I don't think that it's just 65 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,720 my story. I believe that each of us in 66 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,680 this room today who have a meaningful faith and afraid 67 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,200 heartfelt prayers at some point have experienced disappointment 68 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,080 and hurt within our faith. Maybe whether we have named that 69 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:02,280 disappointment or not, perhaps some of us are in that place 70 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:06,120 currently, or perhaps we are still holding on to unresolved, 71 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,400 unresolved disappointment and hurt from when we've been in 72 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,000 that place previously. I really believe that there is 73 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,920 room within our faith to be real about this topic and one of my 74 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,480 favourite verses is Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick, 75 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,000 Proverbs 13 verse 12 and I think that verse is just so wrong. 76 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,840 Honest about how unfulfilled hopes can lead to heartfelt 77 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:36,600 pain. As I was preparing for today, I 78 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:41,640 was reflecting upon when the resurrected resurrected Jesus is 79 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,120 joined by two disciples on the way from Jerusalem to the 80 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,440 village of Emmaus. Jesus was their long promised 81 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:54,080 Saviour, the King of the Jews. Like many of us, these disciples 82 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:58,120 had developed a clear sense of how they thought God should show 83 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:02,160 up and use his power. They had expected Jesus to 84 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,720 overthrow the Roman rule they were living under, and in doing 85 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,280 so to save God's people, the people of Israel. 86 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,280 Yet despite these hopes, the unthinkable happened. 87 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:18,320 Jesus had been crucified by the very people that he was expected 88 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:23,720 to overthrow. The disciples on the way to 89 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,200 Emmaus in this story do not know yet that Jesus has actually 90 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,800 risen from the dead, and they were unaware that he just 91 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,880 achieved salvation through the cross. 92 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,640 So they don't recognise the resurrected Jesus as He joins 93 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,800 them. They had expected God to do 94 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,000 something one way. They had held out faith that He 95 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,760 would and it had not happened. They believed God's promises had 96 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,160 been left unfulfilled. And they share their story and 97 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:53,600 say the heartbreaking words. But we had hoped that He was the 98 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,400 one who was going to redeem Israel. 99 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:05,280 We had hoped. I wonder where are the we had 100 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,880 hope moments in each of our faith journeys? 101 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,800 When have we have? When have we felt like these 102 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:14,920 disciples did disappointed or like things were not working out 103 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,480 in faith as promised? Has there been a time when we 104 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:22,280 believed something in faith but felt like God was absent or 105 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,240 silent or not showing up as we would expect? 106 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,800 In this story, Jesus is in fact with the disciples, just not in 107 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,320 the guise that they were expecting. 108 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,040 And I think that we can experience this two times 109 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,960 struggling to see God in our story or to believe that he is 110 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:47,720 actually with us. So I want us to turn now to a 111 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,760 letter that was written by Paul who wrote a lot of the New 112 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,320 Testament. And in this passage, he's 113 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,000 writing to the church in Corinth. 114 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,320 So this is the early church that were formed shortly after Jesus 115 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,920 death and resurrection. And this passage I'll actually 116 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,680 part of the the verse I shared earlier about what I shared with 117 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,360 David about God's grace being sufficient for us. 118 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,280 So it's 2nd Corinthians 12, verse 7 to 10. 119 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,440 Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was 120 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,760 given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment 121 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,120 me. Three times I pleaded with the 122 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:31,600 Lord to take it away from me, but he said to me, My grace is 123 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,600 sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in 124 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,280 weakness. Therefore I will boast all the 125 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,040 more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest 126 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,880 on me. That is why for Christ's sake I 127 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,480 delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in 128 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,840 persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am 129 00:07:54,840 --> 00:08:00,880 strong. So in this passage we see Paul, 130 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,280 a faithful and committed disciple, asking God to take 131 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,480 away a thorn in his flesh. And we don't actually know 132 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,840 exactly what that thorn is, but in some ways I think that maybe 133 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,160 makes it more relatable to us. It is clear that it is something 134 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,920 ongoing and painful that Paul wishes to have release from. 135 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:24,200 And God says no, unanswered prayer does not mean that we are 136 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,600 being ignored. It means God is not answering as 137 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:32,159 we had hoped. And here God says not just no, 138 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,280 but no. My grace is seen more clearly in 139 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,240 weakness. Even Jesus himself prayed for 140 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,360 God to take something from him that he did not. 141 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,320 When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knew that he was 142 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:51,000 about to be crucified, and he was filled deeply with anguish 143 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,000 and with grief about what was to come. 144 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,760 He prayed, Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, 145 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,560 yet not my will, but yours be done. 146 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:07,360 When Paul talks about his thorn in the flesh, he says that 147 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,960 through it God's power can rest more fully on him. 148 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,520 In God's Kingdom, the things that look like weakness, failure 149 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,720 or loss are often the places where faith and trust in God are 150 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:23,120 deepening, where we are being invited, invited to say, Yet not 151 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:28,240 my will, but yours be done. We often seek clarity, certainty 152 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,800 and answers. And sometimes, as in this 153 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:35,280 passage, God simply reminds us that in our weakness He is 154 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,040 strong. In those moments He asks us to 155 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,120 accept that He is God and we are not. 156 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,520 We were not designed to be self-sufficient. 157 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,160 We were made to be dependent upon God. 158 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,920 Faith is not about overcoming weakness. 159 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,200 It is about surrendering to God amidst our weakness and trusting 160 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,360 Him to carry us through. That requires trust, which can 161 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,960 be very difficult amid weakness and mystery. 162 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,040 Yet when we reach the end of ourselves, God's grace will 163 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:11,280 always be sufficient. We can rest in Him, knowing that 164 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,480 we are covered by His power and grace. 165 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:19,800 In Deuteronomy 33 verse 27, we read that the eternal God is our 166 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,600 refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms. 167 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,440 Weakness seen as strength looks strange through the world's 168 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,640 eyes, but we belong to an upside down Kingdom of God. 169 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,280 Jesus talks about the Kingdom that he wants us to live within 170 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:44,120 as Christians and within that Kingdom he says the the last 171 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,000 will be first. That we need to lose our lives 172 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,080 to find them in God. That we are to love our enemies 173 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,000 and pray for those who persecute us. 174 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,360 And that whoever wants to be made greatest must be a servant. 175 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:00,240 And God says in this update, upside down Kingdom weakness is 176 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:04,440 made strength through him. Through the cross and the 177 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,360 resurrection, Jesus established the Kingdom of God. 178 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,960 Yet we are still waiting for his return and his final and his 179 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,640 complete rule in the vineyard. We call this the now and the 180 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,960 not. Yet there is more to come. 181 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,960 And as it stands, God has not fully restored the world or 182 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,000 healed its brokenness. It can be important to remind 183 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,480 ourselves of this as we struggle with unanswered prayers, that 184 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,240 the disappointment that we feel may be a result of being in the 185 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,600 tension between the now and the not. 186 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,600 Yet. This spiritual reality makes 187 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,600 mystery an integral part of our faith, not an indication that it 188 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,400 has failed. And although He has not yet 189 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,000 removed all the brokenness and suffering, God has promised that 190 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,360 He will remain with us amidst this mystery and in the grief 191 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,040 that can stem from it. Faith can be about trusting in 192 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,440 the character of God even when we cannot see His hand. 193 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,000 In those moments, we can grow in our love of God, not just for 194 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,520 what He can do for us, but for who He is. 195 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:13,160 I want us to spend some time also thinking about grief and 196 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,040 the value of grief and vulnerability within our faith. 197 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,080 This passage from Paul illustrates that God not 198 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,600 answering prayer as we had hoped is an expected part of our faith 199 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,320 journey. We may wonder what we are doing 200 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,600 wrong or where we went wrong when we are struggling with 201 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,760 disappointment within faith. Yet perhaps we just need to 202 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,120 normalise it. God is as much our God in the 203 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,880 valleys of faith as he is in the mountaintops. 204 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,840 The Bible is clear. Valleys are expected. 205 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,440 Christians will walk through the valley of the shadow of death. 206 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,040 We usually associate grief with physical death, but it covers so 207 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,640 much more. Sometimes it's about death of 208 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,400 hopes and dreams, death of our sense of how we thought that God 209 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:04,520 would show up, or the unexpected creating a death of our sense of 210 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,280 security in our lives and in our faith. 211 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,200 And I want today just to acknowledge what a painful and 212 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,360 dark place that can be for us and how natural it is that grief 213 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,360 comes with it. But as Christians, I think 214 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:22,280 sometimes we don't take the time to process these deaths. 215 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,080 I question how good we are within the church at dealing 216 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,920 with grief at times. How often do we talk openly to 217 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,680 each other about struggling with seemingly unanswered prayer and 218 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:40,080 disappointment within faith? My experience in pastoral care 219 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,600 has taught me how often Christians feel guilty for being 220 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,800 disappointed, sad, or hurt in church. 221 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:52,000 We can brush away difficult circumstances at times or even 222 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,080 brush over them with Bible verses that don't always touch 223 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,800 the root of where someone is hurting. 224 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,520 It is true that in all things, God works for the good of those 225 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,360 who love him, which we reread in Romans 8 verse 28. 226 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,720 However, it is also true that on the cross Jesus cried out, My 227 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,480 God, my God, why have you forsaken me? 228 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:18,160 There is nothing unspiritual about grieving, wondering what 229 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,240 God is doing, or wishing that things were different. 230 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,920 In fact, in Ecclesiastes 3, when we're told that there is a time 231 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:32,640 for everything, that includes a time to mourn. 2/3 of the Psalms 232 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,800 are lament. Job wrestle with God and 233 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,800 wondered where he was and why this was all happening to him. 234 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,520 There is an entire book in the Bible called Lamentations. 235 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,600 Jesus himself wept at the grave of Lazarus and for the people of 236 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,080 Jerusalem. So why in the church today are 237 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,520 we often so avoidant of grief and the meant? 238 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:58,160 I truly believe that if we want to make the church a place where 239 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,520 we can connect authentically with God and with others, we 240 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,240 need to make it a place that is safe for people to grieve. 241 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,800 We need to embrace grieving as a holy act, as a part of faith, 242 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,760 not a failure of faith. But if we're honest, I think 243 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,920 there are times that we would rather deny our feelings or 244 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:22,320 escape them instead of wrestling with God amidst our unfulfilled 245 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:26,200 hopes, sadness, and perhaps at times, anger. 246 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:32,040 Yet the alternative to grieving is costly refusal to be real 247 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,240 about our grief and our pain, and therefore, Nope, not 248 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:39,240 processing it can result in US stopping being vulnerable within 249 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,040 ourselves and before God and others. 250 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:47,520 It can lead to bitterness and cynicism, a silent sense of 251 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,440 disillusionment with God or Christian life. 252 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,920 Or instead, it can lead to a superficiality in faith, 253 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,800 following a God who fits into the neat boxes that we put him 254 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,720 in, instead of developing trust in a God who operates outside of 255 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:08,000 the boxes that we create. Perhaps one of the most 256 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,920 dangerous places we can reach in faith. 257 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,200 He's not wrestling with God at all, but rather apathy. 258 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,440 Ultimately, failure to acknowledge and process hurt and 259 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,920 disappointment within our faith journey can result in the subtle 260 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,160 fear that maybe God will not show up at all. 261 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,360 We may have a dull prayer life because we fear deep down if we 262 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,120 pray faithful prayers, we will only be hurt again. 263 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:41,320 CS Lewis talks beautifully about the relationship between love 264 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:48,120 and vulnerability. He says to love at all is to be 265 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,400 vulnerable. Love anything and your heart 266 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,480 will be wrung out and possibly broken. 267 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,800 If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give 268 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,920 it to no one, not even an animal. 269 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,600 Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. 270 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,240 Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or 271 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:13,040 coffin of your selfishness, but in that casket, safe, dark, 272 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,680 motionless, airless, it will change. 273 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,880 It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, 274 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:25,720 impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. 275 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,040 Loving God and praying to Him in faith does make us emotionally 276 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,000 exposed and it does risk us getting hurt. 277 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,240 But when disappointment means that we guard ourselves from God 278 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:44,200 and others, we can also lose connectedness, ability to love 279 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,720 others authentically, and desire to live out our faith. 280 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:54,680 And I, I want to say that in not in, in judgement, but in 281 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,520 empathy, that often we do reach that place, that place of 282 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,440 withdrawal from God and withdraw from others. 283 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:04,200 And actually, I really believe that that in that space, God 284 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:08,080 really wants us to share that with him and, and share that 285 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,880 with others. Stepping out in faith, 286 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,440 continuing to pray, heartfelt prayers, and consistently 287 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,920 choosing vulnerability allows us to continue connecting with God 288 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,560 and others. As I've just said, our faith 289 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,440 grows through authenticity with God. 290 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,400 He wants us to be real with Him when we experience 291 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,200 disappointment and grief. And I really think that it's 292 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,720 important for us to remember that our questions, our heart, 293 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,880 and our cynicism are never too big for God. 294 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,960 He has been handling them in humans since the beginning of 295 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,160 time. When we wrestle with God, it 296 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,040 does not show that our faith is weak. 297 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,040 Instead, it shows that our faith matters to us enough that we 298 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:52,720 want to keep wrestling over it. And I would also, as I said, 299 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,400 encourage us to be real with one another about this too. 300 00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:00,120 God calls us to love one another deeply, and part of that can be 301 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:03,960 coming alongside each other in our pain and disappointment and 302 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,960 supporting each other through those vulnerable times. 303 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,960 It can be difficult to sit with someone in their grief and 304 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,160 without easy answers. But when someone shares 305 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:18,680 vulnerable parts of their story, sometimes all we need to do is 306 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,920 come alongside them amidst their heart. 307 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,400 Sometimes I think we think of God as removed and distant from 308 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,600 our suffering, but he is anything but. 309 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:32,240 Jesus came and took part in our suffering by coming to the earth 310 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,440 and entering into the pain and the hurt and the world. 311 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,840 And the Bible calls him a man of sorrow, much acquainted with 312 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,360 grief. And sometimes in the same way, 313 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,400 we are called to to step into other people's suffering as well 314 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:52,320 and to draw alongside them in that in the aftermath of my 315 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,480 friend David's death, I found the grief overwhelming at times. 316 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,320 And I also want to add that actually, while I was writing 317 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:03,000 this and writing about David's story, I just had a moment where 318 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,360 I said out loud, why? And so even though I've had a 319 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:09,160 decade, more than a decade to process that, there's still 320 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,440 times where I'm like, why? And I think grief sometimes 321 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,000 shows up unexpectedly and in new ways and in new places. 322 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,960 And that's OK. That again is part of our 323 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,440 journey so. Yeah, in the aftermath of his 324 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,160 death, I I did find it really overwhelming at times. 325 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,800 I have no idea how many tears I cried in the year following it. 326 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:34,320 And I remember on the two year anniversary of his death, I was 327 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,520 still studying at Bible college, but most of the people who had 328 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,680 known David had left and there was a party happening on campus 329 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,080 on the two year anniversary of his death. 330 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,960 I just remember just being filled with this grief fueled 331 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,320 rage and thinking Dave has been forgotten, how can people forget 332 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,760 him and all that he went through. 333 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,200 And I went to the Bible college common room and I was just 334 00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:00,880 crying and I poured out my heart to God and in that moment I 335 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,720 spotted a book that was sitting out in the common room. 336 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,640 I had been there countless times in the last couple years but I 337 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,840 had never noticed this book and I clearly felt like God was 338 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,240 prompting me to pick it up, so I did. 339 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,120 It was called The Way of the Cross or something similar, and 340 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,080 it was about faith amid suffering. 341 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:28,000 I opened the book and in the cover inscription it began Dear 342 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,680 David, and there was a note about praying for him in the 343 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,800 next season of his life in Bible College. 344 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,320 There was also a reference to Hong Kong, which is where my 345 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,480 friend David grew up, and I realised that it was his book, a 346 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,800 book that he must have been reading in the common room 347 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,360 before he found out that he had cancer. 348 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,600 And I really felt in that moment God was saying, I have not 349 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:57,760 forgotten David and I never did. God always loved David and was 350 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,400 with him throughout everything, even though he did not show up 351 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,200 in the way that I and others had hoped. 352 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:09,000 And God is who gave David the strength in his final moments 353 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:14,360 amidst his hurt and weakness to say to his mum, trust in the 354 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:18,120 Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own 355 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:23,720 understanding. I hope that today we can 356 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,480 remember that that's in God is with us amidst our own mystery, 357 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,200 questions or disappointments and doubts. 358 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,960 The valley of the shadow of death is part of our journey, 359 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:39,240 but the Good Shepherd is still with us even at the times when 360 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,920 we cannot see Him within our line of vision. 361 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,360 I believe God wants us to be real with Him when we experience 362 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,760 disappointment and grief, and through that wrestling we can 363 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:52,320 grow closer to Him and can deepen our faith and our trust. 364 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,960 His grace is sufficient for us, and His strength is made perfect 365 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:01,480 in weakness. I want to close with a quote I 366 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,440 love that talks about faith amidst darkness. 367 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,440 I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. 368 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,640 I believe in love even when I feel it not. 369 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,520 I believe in God even when He is silent. 370 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:21,840 It can be a radical act of faith to trust that God is good even 371 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,640 when our prayers are not answered as we hoped or things 372 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,800 on our faith journey have not turned out the way that we 373 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:29,840 anticipated.