1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,040 You found us. I'm so glad you did. 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,240 But I'm sorry that you had to. Who are we? 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:11,000 I'll tell you what, we're not. We're not old, we're not boring, 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,840 and we're not giving up. So come on into our widow 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,520 circle, where trauma meets humor. 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:20,240 And we remind you that you can not only survive, but thrive. 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:28,000 This is every widow thing. Hi everybody, welcome to every 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,920 widow thing. We are excited to share so much 9 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,040 information with you over this next season. 10 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:39,200 We may have seen on our Instagram page that we have some 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,360 exciting news that we were celebrating. 12 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,800 I'm going to take it over to Kira and let her share something 13 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,660 that I think will inspire all of us. 14 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:55,620 I got engaged over the summer. Just to recap, I'm nine years 15 00:00:55,620 --> 00:01:00,980 out from the car accident that took my husband Frank's life. 16 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:06,340 I met Brendan probably a little over five years in. 17 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:09,460 I had been on and off some dating websites. 18 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,340 I had a few set up. I had a couple relationships. 19 00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:15,780 Lacey's laughing. Was there for all of that. 20 00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:19,180 Setups never really go that well, just to be honest. 21 00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:23,100 But you know one thing that I think when you're going into 22 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:27,740 this process after like, losing your spouse is? 23 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,280 I had a couple of relationships with some really nice men who, 24 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,080 you know, it was just nice to be taken out to dinner and it was 25 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,480 nice to take a trip. Or sometimes they would come 26 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,480 over and help with home projects, yes. 27 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,960 As you guys know, light bulbs. And their names. 28 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,560 Nice to have a man around the house. 29 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,640 Yeah, I don't know. Does that sound sexist? 30 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,240 But it's so true. What I realized though, is that 31 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,830 I was not. Falling in love. 32 00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:58,790 I was not in love with any of those gentlemen. 33 00:01:58,790 --> 00:02:02,790 And I met Brendan in a period where I was just kind of off. 34 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,190 I was just, I guess, taking a break. 35 00:02:05,870 --> 00:02:08,990 Anyway, a girlfriend was like, oh, there's this new one called 36 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:11,310 Hinge and let's get you on there. 37 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:14,670 And she just kind of threw up some pictures and threw me on 38 00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:16,540 there. And you on there. 39 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:20,660 One really funny thing about meeting Brendan, who's my 40 00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:25,980 fiancee, I guess just like a mouthful, is that he lives a 41 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,140 little bit out of my typical kind. 42 00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:33,780 I literally had like a 15 mile parameter on my apps and he's 43 00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:37,770 about 30 miles away. She had just threw it, thrown me 44 00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:42,290 on there and that parameter had kind of opened up his area, 45 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,610 which is he lives a little north of the city. 46 00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:50,290 And so, yeah, so we met online and I will say like the very 47 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:54,140 first date. We definitely connected big 48 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,660 time. We just had one of those dates. 49 00:02:55,780 --> 00:02:59,700 Was like, wow, it was easy. It was laughing. 50 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,100 There was just chemistry. And he had picked this plate, 51 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,380 this really funny place. Is this too much detail? 52 00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:06,300 No. No. 53 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,460 Anyway, he had picked this place I'd never heard of. 54 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:11,580 That was sort of between where I lived and where he lived. 55 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:14,740 And I was joking about it with my girlfriends that morning at 56 00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:17,250 our workout. And they were like, where are 57 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:20,010 you meeting this guy and? Suburbia. 58 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:24,330 It was called the Brutorium and they're all like, what the hell 59 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,570 is that? But it's like a. 60 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:31,210 Brewery, yeah. And anyway, we're giggling about 61 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,930 that. And then we were calling him. 62 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:37,330 I used to nickname most of the men I dated, Something like 63 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:40,650 where they were from or in my phone. 64 00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:42,250 Here's another good tip. Widows. 65 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:45,970 I would always put the contact in as a female name. 66 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:51,780 So he was Brenda in my phone. So was that for your kids, like? 67 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,540 Yeah, my kids were young enough that they would be picking up 68 00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,780 the phone and be like, who's Maria? 69 00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:58,540 And it was really Mark or whatever. 70 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,100 It's. Still Brenda in your. 71 00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:04,140 He is not still Brenda, but all the other people I dated are 72 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,180 still in their. I would forget I would have 73 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:09,380 iteration keep being be able to remember so many. 74 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:11,260 But I mean. We so many, we've all had young 75 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:14,140 kids who are just the phone. They're it's in the kitchen or 76 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:16,060 they're picking it up to look at the phone and you know. 77 00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:19,220 Anyway, that was one of my strategies that you're welcome 78 00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,740 tomorrow. So anyway, yeah, close down the 79 00:04:21,740 --> 00:04:23,900 place, you know it's a Wednesday night. 80 00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:26,940 They actually started playing closing time. 81 00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:30,130 On the patio? That's hilarious. 82 00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:33,050 So that's pretty funny. That's your song that needs. 83 00:04:33,450 --> 00:04:36,090 To be the next day, I was like, I think closing time when. 84 00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:38,530 You're late when you're coming down the aisle at the very. 85 00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:42,290 End closing time. That was the November before the 86 00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:44,690 pandemic. So we were kind of just getting 87 00:04:44,690 --> 00:04:46,690 serious. And then the pandemic hit. 88 00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,830 I'm gonna drink my champagne. Well, yeah. 89 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,830 Cheers. Yeah, I can drink. 90 00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:53,710 Sorry, yeah this is too long. Window it is. 91 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:57,390 I want to hear it all. I was just getting to know you. 92 00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:58,790 They. Don't, But they don't. 93 00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,870 Doesn't know. Yeah, it's fun. 94 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,190 It's fun to listen. All the. 95 00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:04,390 Because only after you came and had coffee with me in my 96 00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:07,150 backyard that I really got, I was like, this is. 97 00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:11,030 Yeah, he's it. Yeah, and I will say Lacey was 98 00:05:11,030 --> 00:05:14,950 with me for a lot of the some of the other men I dated she had 99 00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:16,550 met. Two that I remember. 100 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:19,030 She was like they're. Freaking to my house. 101 00:05:19,390 --> 00:05:21,270 But they're not. That's not. 102 00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:24,270 That's not going. But Brendan's the one I He's 103 00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:27,590 also. Yeah, so OK, so the pandemic hit 104 00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,830 and it was make or break, right? He ended up moving, kind of 105 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,430 moving in him and his daughter kind of moved in with me 106 00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:36,830 initially because his daughter was back and forth. 107 00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:40,700 His exwife was still working in healthcare in a healthcare 108 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,980 capacity, and we were just worried about that. 109 00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:46,220 So I'm just sort of like a home bring everyone here. 110 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:51,060 I'll be cooking and shopping and going in wasn't. 111 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,140 There a trip to Spain or something? 112 00:05:53,380 --> 00:05:57,620 Yes, we went to Barcelona the Christmas before the New Year's, 113 00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,950 before so 2020. He came to Barcelona with me and 114 00:06:00,950 --> 00:06:03,630 my kids and another. Family remember being kind of 115 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,950 early on, I thought, wow, that is brave. 116 00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:08,590 But you knew already. You kind of knew. 117 00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:10,070 Well, he. Was like, I thought that was a 118 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,590 dicey move. I guess I was like, come on, 119 00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:16,270 let's get when did you tell them that you'd met someone and did 120 00:06:16,270 --> 00:06:19,950 you say you think it's going to? Clearly before he's serious. 121 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,950 Yeah. So I would like right around 122 00:06:21,950 --> 00:06:25,650 Christmas. So you met in November and 123 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,690 Christmas, you're telling your kids when you? 124 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,970 Lay it out like that. It's no, but that happens all 125 00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,450 the time. Sounds a little When you know, 126 00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:33,450 you know. Well, Oliver and I met married 127 00:06:33,450 --> 00:06:35,050 in three. I meant met married in eight 128 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:36,850 months, but yeah, engaged in three. 129 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:39,290 I think you know when, you know, I was just curious how you 130 00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:42,210 handled the kids. Well, I want to say also at this 131 00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:45,170 point, my kids were. Were dating. 132 00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:50,170 So they were like 1015 and 17. You know, they were older. 133 00:06:50,170 --> 00:06:53,130 They weren't as little. I felt like they would be on 134 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:55,730 board with meeting somebody because at this point I had 135 00:06:55,730 --> 00:06:59,530 pretty much kept most of my dating from them it. 136 00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:03,370 Had been like what? I mean six years at least. 137 00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:06,250 Been 5 / 5 years since yeah, but still. 138 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:10,380 I mean, my kids were older and I even now I keep that stuff 139 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:14,180 pretty close and I'm I think. You go with your gut like you 140 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:17,020 know your kids. You know yourself, you know did 141 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,820 you sit down with like how did that. 142 00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:20,900 I'm just curious how did that work? 143 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,300 Like do you have a sit down with everyone there? 144 00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,500 So I've. Met so interested in well I'm 145 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:31,180 just interested in I just no I. Introduced the boyfriend to the 146 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:34,060 children. I was just curious, yeah, for 147 00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:37,580 the listeners. So, you know, we kept the 148 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:41,060 relationship separate, but it was getting, I would say it went 149 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:44,340 and moved quickly and quickly became pretty intense. 150 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:48,780 And then I had already planned this trip to Barcelona for me 151 00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:50,900 and the kids for after Christmas. 152 00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,780 After the accident, I kind of started doing more of. 153 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,440 You know, the sitting around the tree and the Christmas was 154 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,280 difficult for me. So I started doing more planning 155 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,200 like of trips around the holidays and it was a time that 156 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,080 we were all together with the kids were off school. 157 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,240 So I had already planned this trip with another family to go 158 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,240 to Spain. I don't know, Like, I probably 159 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,040 had like one or two, one too many cocktails one night and was 160 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,520 like, hey, like, do you want to come? 161 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:24,370 I knew he didn't have his daughter that that at that time. 162 00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:27,450 And I was like, hey, do you want to come on this trip with me and 163 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:30,450 my kids to Barcelona? I already had the apartment, so 164 00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:33,890 he just showed up on the flight and I'm like, hey, he's coming. 165 00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:37,850 Along, so then when he decided. Whitney likes the detail. 166 00:08:38,049 --> 00:08:39,250 Yeah. Then when he tells I would like 167 00:08:39,490 --> 00:08:45,810 to join, I said, oh gosh, we better introduce you to right my 168 00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:48,610 family. I had a friend that pretended 169 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,400 that brought her boyfriend along on a trip to Iceland, and her 170 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,200 kids were there and she didn't mention anything. 171 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,720 And then she pretended like they had befriended each other on the 172 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:06,960 flight, had gotten, like, mixed up, and he didn't have anywhere 173 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,400 to stay. So then she's like, Oh well, 174 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,400 you, we have an extra room. You can stay with us. 175 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,760 Did they end up together? No, OK. 176 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,520 Yeah, I had him over for dinner and. 177 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,810 Everybody sat everybody down and I said, you know, this is 178 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,490 someone I'm dating. And then I think they met him a 179 00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:26,090 couple more times. And then I think I said, oh, and 180 00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,290 by the way, I think he's going to come. 181 00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:32,290 And what was what worked about that is we were already going 182 00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:34,170 with another family that we're really close with. 183 00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:36,250 So there were other people at one, just like. 184 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,170 It wasn't. Just you, your family and 185 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:39,450 Brendan. Exactly right. 186 00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:42,010 Exactly and. Brendan's such an easygoing guy. 187 00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:44,530 I would imagine he knows how to, kind of. 188 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:48,130 Adapt to whatever's going on in the room. 189 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,370 He seems like that type of person to me, the times I've 190 00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:51,170 been. Around he does. 191 00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:53,210 He does. He's not overbearing. 192 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,410 He's not Joe salesman. He's. 193 00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:58,890 The greatest person in the world and the kids will have 194 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:05,050 resentment or you know, a loyalty that that puts up a wall 195 00:10:05,050 --> 00:10:07,690 to, you know. I guess I'm taking it from like 196 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,250 my son, he he wants me to have that. 197 00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:13,330 So I assume like your kids. Maybe it's different than 198 00:10:13,330 --> 00:10:14,970 divorce. I think divorce, maybe it's more 199 00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:17,410 contentious that we're still alive than yeah. 200 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:19,650 But when they're dead, and they've been dead as long as 201 00:10:19,650 --> 00:10:22,170 your husband had been dead, I think that they want you to be 202 00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:23,690 happy. They want their mother. 203 00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:26,010 They don't want the pressure of having to make sure their mom's 204 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,130 happy. So they when they leave the nest 205 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:30,750 I'm sure for Thomas and. Your daughter, I think they 206 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:32,870 probably were thinking, great, she's got somebody. 207 00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:36,230 I don't have to worry about her. Yeah, So there's that. 208 00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,350 Get to the juicy details. So so. 209 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,190 Jessie came forward. So Fast forward. 210 00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:46,110 We've been together almost four years and we had talked about 211 00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:50,070 getting married someday, but we just hadn't really sat down and 212 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:53,510 hammered it out. So Fast forward to this summer. 213 00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:56,470 He wanted to plan a trip for just the two of us, which is 214 00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:58,510 really sweet. And you were not going to go on 215 00:10:58,510 --> 00:10:59,980 it? Yeah, there was. 216 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,580 Two. I remember at the pizza place, 217 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,300 you were like, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to go. 218 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:04,380 Maybe I should? Have gummed. 219 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,260 I had a lot going on with another. 220 00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:07,340 Girl could have gotten your ring. 221 00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:10,380 And I know, and I was like, he insisted. 222 00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:14,620 And obviously, you know, I was excited to go, but I just in 223 00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:17,220 that moment I was feeling over your plate was full and you 224 00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:19,860 thought how can I leave town? Exactly understandable. 225 00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:23,340 He play on the trip to Maui, which we'll get to in a minute 226 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:25,620 because it was right before the fire. 227 00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:28,340 We'd looked at rings. On one trip in New York. 228 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:32,580 But I was like, well, I don't really know what do you want 229 00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,980 second time around? You don't really think about it. 230 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,780 That is a hard. Thing. 231 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,700 I don't know. I just that was my problem. 232 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,340 I was like, gosh, I don't even know what that would look like. 233 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,420 But then on his insistence, he was just like, just send me some 234 00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:47,580 ideas. So I sent him one ring that I 235 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,740 thought I had seen online that I thought was really pretty couple 236 00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:52,940 months ago. And that was it. 237 00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:58,300 So anyway, we get to Maui and we're like 2-3 days in, we're 238 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,700 sitting around the pool. I have a couple Mai Tai's in me 239 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:06,420 and I just kind of brought up where are we with things and. 240 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,640 You know, what's our plan? And how come you never want to 241 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,920 talk about it? And remember that time when you 242 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,840 said you would never get married again? 243 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,120 I mean, I was just doing all the things when you kind of pick a 244 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,320 fight, I guess is sort of what I was doing, kind of bad. 245 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,800 My ties will do that. I think I. 246 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,040 Was just getting a little frustrated in the relationship 247 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,520 like, well, what what's going to happen next? 248 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,360 And you know, I was giving him a hard time about how he never. 249 00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:33,750 Whenever it came up it I felt like it was me bringing it up, 250 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:35,950 you know, like what would the future look like? 251 00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,630 And I don't want to say never, because he would engage in those 252 00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:43,030 conversations, but I I felt like it was always the Mai ties were 253 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:47,150 telling you. The Mai ties said it's his 254 00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:51,750 fault. So we have this fight which I 255 00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:54,910 think carries on back to the suite and then we were getting 256 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:57,430 ready for dinner or something and he just kind of at one point 257 00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:59,950 he just kind of took about his shoulders was like, can we just. 258 00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:03,190 We just. Have a good time. 259 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,790 Right. And again, I didn't. 260 00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:11,510 Again, I still didn't think so the next day we might have even 261 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,990 been that night. We were supposed to drive up to 262 00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:17,390 the top of Halayakala, which is the volcano there. 263 00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:22,630 And we were going up for sunset and we drive about an hour from 264 00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:25,230 the resort and then we get to the entrance of the National 265 00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:29,230 Park which is at the base of the volcano and the. 266 00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:33,190 Park Ranger is like, well, it's full up there, there's no 267 00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:37,630 parking, you won't be able to park and we're like, Oh no, so 268 00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:40,990 we start driving and it's just I don't know if you've who's been 269 00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:44,750 to the top you've been. It's a nightmare scary drive. 270 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,990 It is. It's a twisty drive, so I'm 271 00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:51,910 sitting very quietly so that he can focus on the road and I'm 272 00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:54,150 just sort of looking out and it's just it's. 273 00:13:54,310 --> 00:13:56,190 Beautiful though. It's an incredible experience. 274 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:58,670 You start in this kind of foggy low bit. 275 00:13:59,390 --> 00:14:01,750 And then you start to get above the clouds and you feel like 276 00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:04,590 you're in an airplane. And I'm just kind of looking out 277 00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,910 the window and I'm taking some pictures and I'm letting him 278 00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:08,830 focus. But I think I was telling you 279 00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:13,470 guys that I had this feeling looking out over the clouds. 280 00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:16,110 And then you know how sometimes there's light that kind of 281 00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:18,610 comes? Through and I sort of have this 282 00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:21,250 thing whenever the light comes through. 283 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,930 Maybe this sounds cheesy or very late. 284 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,810 Doesn't predictable, dude. You know, I'm eating it up. 285 00:14:25,850 --> 00:14:28,330 Feels like Frank. It feels like heaven. 286 00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:30,890 It feels like maybe Frank is peeking through the cloud. 287 00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:35,850 Yes, stream of light, yes. So on the way up, I kind of had 288 00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:39,290 that like feeling that he was there, I guess with you. 289 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:45,050 I'm going to get upset so we get to the top and and Brendan's in 290 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,010 logistics modes right now, he's like white cycling. 291 00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,210 He's like we. Have to get. 292 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,450 There, there's a first parking lot and then there's one at the 293 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:56,290 top and he we get to the first parking lot and he's like 294 00:14:56,290 --> 00:15:00,850 there's a spot. It's like into the spot and we 295 00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,890 throw on like our jackets and our hats. 296 00:15:02,930 --> 00:15:05,770 And because we have to do like a 10 or 15 minute hike to the top, 297 00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:08,490 we get up there and we're high fiving because we got the 298 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:13,170 parking spot right. And all these people are sitting 299 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:15,730 on the ledge. And so I kind of walk over and I 300 00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:19,450 see this Little Rock and I kind of sit down and he just keeps 301 00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:22,690 walking like he's, I'm like, babe, you know, this good spot. 302 00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:26,130 And he just keeps going and I'm like, OK, so I'm following him 303 00:15:26,130 --> 00:15:29,490 and he keeps going and going. He had a plan and he gets all 304 00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:31,530 the way to where there's just no people. 305 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:35,810 So we're just at the end of the crowd and he sits down and I'm 306 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,450 like, are you good? Like is this going to work for 307 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,600 you spot? And I'm kind of annoyed because 308 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,000 I'm, you know, I want to get in position and get ready for the 309 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,400 sunset. I'm sitting with my phone out, 310 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:52,760 and he's sitting and he starts this kind of speech. 311 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:58,560 I guess he's like, and, you know, ever since I've met you 312 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,400 and, like, you know, that's really And all of a sudden I 313 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,480 just like, look at him and I'm like, what are you talking about 314 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,840 right now? Like it's about. 315 00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,390 To go down and did he get down on one knee? 316 00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:13,710 So he, I look at him and then I can see like, he's getting 317 00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:16,230 emotional and there's like and I'm like, Oh my God. 318 00:16:16,230 --> 00:16:20,150 And he gets down on one knee and I'm kind of in shock. 319 00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:23,750 And then he pulls out the ring, and it's the ring that I had 320 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,670 sent that I was like, I really like this ring. 321 00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:28,390 He didn't ask, like, will you marry me? 322 00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:30,790 He said, you know, would you make me the happiest man in the 323 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,150 world and be my wife? He busts out the ring. 324 00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:37,270 And I put the ring on and I'm like sort of shaky and it's a 325 00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:40,070 little cold and the ring is a little oversized. 326 00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:42,710 And so I'm in my mind, I'm panicking that the ring is going 327 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,870 to go, like, tumbling down the volcano. 328 00:16:45,450 --> 00:16:49,010 And I'm trying to get keep the ring on and kiss him and hold 329 00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,850 the so sweet just you're thinking. 330 00:16:50,850 --> 00:16:54,410 About it tumbling down the. Or like I cannot let go. 331 00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:56,850 Of your brain. Well, I think all of us kind of 332 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,010 maybe have that kind of tragedy moment like it. 333 00:16:59,090 --> 00:17:01,450 I always have that about everything, like everything. 334 00:17:01,450 --> 00:17:03,170 I always think, oh, that could happen. 335 00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:06,890 Anyway, it was so sweet and we just kind of kissed and hugged 336 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:11,810 and watch the sunset as a widow. It's like you don't know if this 337 00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:13,910 is ever. Going to happen to you again, 338 00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:15,630 you don't know if you're ever going to find as. 339 00:17:15,710 --> 00:17:18,190 Far as that's why, I said. You're giving a lot of people 340 00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:20,069 that kind of. Get there is. 341 00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:23,069 Love a second time around? We all know it's different, but 342 00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:26,069 that's Okay. And everybody was super excited. 343 00:17:26,109 --> 00:17:27,589 So exciting. I know there. 344 00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:32,230 Wasn't anybody that was like, oh, terrible idea, but we got 345 00:17:32,230 --> 00:17:37,760 back and sadly. Maui had this horrible fire 346 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,960 happen literally a week after we were there. 347 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,160 And so then we were like, what's not really appropriate to post? 348 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,800 Like, look, we just got engaged in Maui. 349 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,960 I have donated. Please donate. 350 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,800 There's lots of good causes. I ended up just really quickly 351 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,640 doing baby to baby in the very beginning because they were 352 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:58,760 looking for supplies for kids. But yeah, I'm excited for this 353 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,640 new chapter. It is a very hopeful place to be 354 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,950 in my life right now initially. I really wanted to fill that 355 00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:10,550 hole for the kids. Like my kids were little and I 356 00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,830 was like, I got to find a father figure for these kids. 357 00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:18,510 And so initially it was almost like a mission to find someone 358 00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:21,790 for them. And then as I got further along 359 00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:23,990 in the dating process, I realized, you know, this, 360 00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:27,830 there's just not a quick fix for a great love. 361 00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:31,110 I mean, you just have to be patient. 362 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,120 And wait. And sometimes it happens and 363 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,680 sometimes it doesn't. And I feel so fortunate that now 364 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,560 I've had two. But I definitely got to a point 365 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,360 as my kids got older and as I had sort of muscled through the 366 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:48,280 single mom, you know, journey that I felt like we're going to 367 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,520 be okay. They're going to be okay. 368 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,920 I'm going to be okay. This doesn't have to look like 369 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,040 the family that you know, that family unit that you've lost 370 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,810 that you. Want to recreate so badly. 371 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:04,850 I really had gotten to that point when I met him and that 372 00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,570 was a really good place for me to be. 373 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,490 Well, I think that's a great lesson for everyone. 374 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:10,930 It's something that I really believe. 375 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:15,050 When you let go and you are just trying to live in the present 376 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:20,010 moment and create the best life for yourself, then more is 377 00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:21,890 brought in and it's icing on the cake. 378 00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:25,210 You're already creating a happy place, so you're fine with 379 00:19:25,210 --> 00:19:28,090 whatever happens next. And you don't want to settle and 380 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,010 none of us are going to. To settle, that's not going to 381 00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:33,290 happen because we had great loves and that set the bar 382 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:36,530 really high and we're not looking to replicate what we 383 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:39,010 had, but it sets the bar pretty high. 384 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:42,330 You want a guy that you feel like can be for the long haul 385 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:45,410 and someone that's I know. For me, I would rather wait. 386 00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,690 It's worth the wait. It's to be. 387 00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:50,730 I have plenty of friends to play with and I know you guys do too. 388 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:54,650 It's better that and then just also fill up your own life. 389 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,440 Fill up your own life. Make it good. 390 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,080 Like it. They're hard things are going to 391 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,320 continue to happen. Like they're hard things going 392 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,880 on in my life. And I'm sure you too. 393 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,600 You know, my mother's not well and my son's. 394 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,040 I'm going to be an empty nester. But I decided I'm going to 395 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,240 embrace. Even on those hard days, I'm 396 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,640 going to embrace. I'm healthy. 397 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,770 I have the ability to travel and I'm going to focus on that and 398 00:20:15,770 --> 00:20:18,250 then I think that's when amazing things happen. 399 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,610 We can't promise that people are going to meet another person 400 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:23,610 because when people say that. You don't need. 401 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,370 You're not worrying about that. I'm going to live my life and 402 00:20:26,370 --> 00:20:29,490 have a great life and I do have some people in my life that have 403 00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:32,810 no interest in finding quote that person like we like our 404 00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:35,610 life the way it is. I think it's important to 405 00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:39,090 embrace that as you go through your life just to you know, and 406 00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:43,170 then you'll you'll have love. It may not be that kind of love. 407 00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:47,090 It just made me love with people and friends and so I kind of 408 00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:51,090 feel like that's the goal is to. That, you know, it was, it was 409 00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:53,770 helpful for me to take that pressure off early on. 410 00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:58,130 I took that pressure off myself. I was trying to fill that that 411 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:03,530 need for my kids, and that's not a good way to approach a new 412 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,690 relationship, you know, like too much. 413 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:08,850 Take the pressure off yourself to find that person. 414 00:21:09,270 --> 00:21:12,550 Just dig into what your family looks like in the moment and 415 00:21:12,550 --> 00:21:14,670 that's kind of it was me and my kids. 416 00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:18,350 And you know, we formed a really nice bond through that. 417 00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:21,630 And then Brendan coming along is just kind of icing on the key. 418 00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:25,030 My dad always said this because he was really raised mostly by 419 00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:27,910 his mother, but he said if you have one advocate in your life, 420 00:21:27,910 --> 00:21:30,750 you've got something major. And all of us have been there 421 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:34,670 for our children 150%. They've got us. 422 00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:38,540 So if we don't find that quote, extra person like, mine's too 423 00:21:38,540 --> 00:21:40,780 old now. I mean, if he has step 10 now, 424 00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:43,660 it's kind of silly. He's 18, he doesn't care, and he 425 00:21:43,660 --> 00:21:45,980 didn't care back then. It takes the pressure off when 426 00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:49,940 you're dating to find someone for you, not trying to find 427 00:21:49,940 --> 00:21:52,060 someone for you know my 6:00. Year old. 428 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,260 And think about those years beyond now that I've launched 2 429 00:21:55,260 --> 00:21:59,200 and I'm down to one kid. I've got all this time without 430 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,480 the kids and who's that's right. I'm looking for someone that I 431 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,480 can have a good time with, and he and I, we both like to 432 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,440 travel, We both like the same kind of music. 433 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,440 We both, and you're a fairly social. 434 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,920 Vote as far as the age of your kids you're gonna be. 435 00:22:13,630 --> 00:22:16,150 I mean, I hate to say free, but you know, you'll be empty 436 00:22:16,150 --> 00:22:18,550 nesters. At the same time, it's something 437 00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:20,230 to think about, like, this is my rule. 438 00:22:20,230 --> 00:22:23,710 I'm not dating anybody. Nobody that has kids at home for 439 00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,870 me because mine's gone. I'm finally after 12. 440 00:22:26,870 --> 00:22:30,470 Years of raised anyone with with kids still at home is unless 441 00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:33,150 they are like at the tail end of like senior year or something 442 00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:34,630 like. Never say never, because, well, 443 00:22:34,710 --> 00:22:36,470 maybe not, because that is really fun. 444 00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:38,750 Toddlers. No toddlers I know. 445 00:22:39,070 --> 00:22:41,750 Keep thinking 12 I would. Not do that again of doing. 446 00:22:42,350 --> 00:22:45,030 That by. Congratulations. 447 00:22:46,910 --> 00:22:49,030 Thank you. We want everyone to feel 448 00:22:49,030 --> 00:22:52,310 inspired by Kira story. Your life is not over.