You found us. I'm so glad you did.
But I'm sorry that you had to. Who are we?
I'll tell you what, we're not. We're not old, we're not boring,
and we're not giving up. So come on into our widow
circle, where trauma meets humor.
And we remind you that you can not only survive, but thrive.
This is every widow thing. Hi everybody, welcome to every
widow thing. We are excited to share so much
information with you over this next season.
We may have seen on our Instagram page that we have some
exciting news that we were celebrating.
I'm going to take it over to Kira and let her share something
that I think will inspire all of us.
I got engaged over the summer. Just to recap, I'm nine years
out from the car accident that took my husband Frank's life.
I met Brendan probably a little over five years in.
I had been on and off some dating websites.
I had a few set up. I had a couple relationships.
Lacey's laughing. Was there for all of that.
Setups never really go that well, just to be honest.
But you know one thing that I think when you're going into
this process after like, losing your spouse is?
I had a couple of relationships with some really nice men who,
you know, it was just nice to be taken out to dinner and it was
nice to take a trip. Or sometimes they would come
over and help with home projects, yes.
As you guys know, light bulbs. And their names.
Nice to have a man around the house.
Yeah, I don't know. Does that sound sexist?
But it's so true. What I realized though, is that
I was not. Falling in love.
I was not in love with any of those gentlemen.
And I met Brendan in a period where I was just kind of off.
I was just, I guess, taking a break.
Anyway, a girlfriend was like, oh, there's this new one called
Hinge and let's get you on there.
And she just kind of threw up some pictures and threw me on
there. And you on there.
One really funny thing about meeting Brendan, who's my
fiancee, I guess just like a mouthful, is that he lives a
little bit out of my typical kind.
I literally had like a 15 mile parameter on my apps and he's
about 30 miles away. She had just threw it, thrown me
on there and that parameter had kind of opened up his area,
which is he lives a little north of the city.
And so, yeah, so we met online and I will say like the very
first date. We definitely connected big
time. We just had one of those dates.
Was like, wow, it was easy. It was laughing.
There was just chemistry. And he had picked this plate,
this really funny place. Is this too much detail?
No. No.
Anyway, he had picked this place I'd never heard of.
That was sort of between where I lived and where he lived.
And I was joking about it with my girlfriends that morning at
our workout. And they were like, where are
you meeting this guy and? Suburbia.
It was called the Brutorium and they're all like, what the hell
is that? But it's like a.
Brewery, yeah. And anyway, we're giggling about
that. And then we were calling him.
I used to nickname most of the men I dated, Something like
where they were from or in my phone.
Here's another good tip. Widows.
I would always put the contact in as a female name.
So he was Brenda in my phone. So was that for your kids, like?
Yeah, my kids were young enough that they would be picking up
the phone and be like, who's Maria?
And it was really Mark or whatever.
It's. Still Brenda in your.
He is not still Brenda, but all the other people I dated are
still in their. I would forget I would have
iteration keep being be able to remember so many.
But I mean. We so many, we've all had young
kids who are just the phone. They're it's in the kitchen or
they're picking it up to look at the phone and you know.
Anyway, that was one of my strategies that you're welcome
tomorrow. So anyway, yeah, close down the
place, you know it's a Wednesday night.
They actually started playing closing time.
On the patio? That's hilarious.
So that's pretty funny. That's your song that needs.
To be the next day, I was like, I think closing time when.
You're late when you're coming down the aisle at the very.
End closing time. That was the November before the
pandemic. So we were kind of just getting
serious. And then the pandemic hit.
I'm gonna drink my champagne. Well, yeah.
Cheers. Yeah, I can drink.
Sorry, yeah this is too long. Window it is.
I want to hear it all. I was just getting to know you.
They. Don't, But they don't.
Doesn't know. Yeah, it's fun.
It's fun to listen. All the.
Because only after you came and had coffee with me in my
backyard that I really got, I was like, this is.
Yeah, he's it. Yeah, and I will say Lacey was
with me for a lot of the some of the other men I dated she had
met. Two that I remember.
She was like they're. Freaking to my house.
But they're not. That's not.
That's not going. But Brendan's the one I He's
also. Yeah, so OK, so the pandemic hit
and it was make or break, right? He ended up moving, kind of
moving in him and his daughter kind of moved in with me
initially because his daughter was back and forth.
His exwife was still working in healthcare in a healthcare
capacity, and we were just worried about that.
So I'm just sort of like a home bring everyone here.
I'll be cooking and shopping and going in wasn't.
There a trip to Spain or something?
Yes, we went to Barcelona the Christmas before the New Year's,
before so 2020. He came to Barcelona with me and
my kids and another. Family remember being kind of
early on, I thought, wow, that is brave.
But you knew already. You kind of knew.
Well, he. Was like, I thought that was a
dicey move. I guess I was like, come on,
let's get when did you tell them that you'd met someone and did
you say you think it's going to? Clearly before he's serious.
Yeah. So I would like right around
Christmas. So you met in November and
Christmas, you're telling your kids when you?
Lay it out like that. It's no, but that happens all
the time. Sounds a little When you know,
you know. Well, Oliver and I met married
in three. I meant met married in eight
months, but yeah, engaged in three.
I think you know when, you know, I was just curious how you
handled the kids. Well, I want to say also at this
point, my kids were. Were dating.
So they were like 1015 and 17. You know, they were older.
They weren't as little. I felt like they would be on
board with meeting somebody because at this point I had
pretty much kept most of my dating from them it.
Had been like what? I mean six years at least.
Been 5 / 5 years since yeah, but still.
I mean, my kids were older and I even now I keep that stuff
pretty close and I'm I think. You go with your gut like you
know your kids. You know yourself, you know did
you sit down with like how did that.
I'm just curious how did that work?
Like do you have a sit down with everyone there?
So I've. Met so interested in well I'm
just interested in I just no I. Introduced the boyfriend to the
children. I was just curious, yeah, for
the listeners. So, you know, we kept the
relationship separate, but it was getting, I would say it went
and moved quickly and quickly became pretty intense.
And then I had already planned this trip to Barcelona for me
and the kids for after Christmas.
After the accident, I kind of started doing more of.
You know, the sitting around the tree and the Christmas was
difficult for me. So I started doing more planning
like of trips around the holidays and it was a time that
we were all together with the kids were off school.
So I had already planned this trip with another family to go
to Spain. I don't know, Like, I probably
had like one or two, one too many cocktails one night and was
like, hey, like, do you want to come?
I knew he didn't have his daughter that that at that time.
And I was like, hey, do you want to come on this trip with me and
my kids to Barcelona? I already had the apartment, so
he just showed up on the flight and I'm like, hey, he's coming.
Along, so then when he decided. Whitney likes the detail.
Yeah. Then when he tells I would like
to join, I said, oh gosh, we better introduce you to right my
family. I had a friend that pretended
that brought her boyfriend along on a trip to Iceland, and her
kids were there and she didn't mention anything.
And then she pretended like they had befriended each other on the
flight, had gotten, like, mixed up, and he didn't have anywhere
to stay. So then she's like, Oh well,
you, we have an extra room. You can stay with us.
Did they end up together? No, OK.
Yeah, I had him over for dinner and.
Everybody sat everybody down and I said, you know, this is
someone I'm dating. And then I think they met him a
couple more times. And then I think I said, oh, and
by the way, I think he's going to come.
And what was what worked about that is we were already going
with another family that we're really close with.
So there were other people at one, just like.
It wasn't. Just you, your family and
Brendan. Exactly right.
Exactly and. Brendan's such an easygoing guy.
I would imagine he knows how to, kind of.
Adapt to whatever's going on in the room.
He seems like that type of person to me, the times I've
been. Around he does.
He does. He's not overbearing.
He's not Joe salesman. He's.
The greatest person in the world and the kids will have
resentment or you know, a loyalty that that puts up a wall
to, you know. I guess I'm taking it from like
my son, he he wants me to have that.
So I assume like your kids. Maybe it's different than
divorce. I think divorce, maybe it's more
contentious that we're still alive than yeah.
But when they're dead, and they've been dead as long as
your husband had been dead, I think that they want you to be
happy. They want their mother.
They don't want the pressure of having to make sure their mom's
happy. So they when they leave the nest
I'm sure for Thomas and. Your daughter, I think they
probably were thinking, great, she's got somebody.
I don't have to worry about her. Yeah, So there's that.
Get to the juicy details. So so.
Jessie came forward. So Fast forward.
We've been together almost four years and we had talked about
getting married someday, but we just hadn't really sat down and
hammered it out. So Fast forward to this summer.
He wanted to plan a trip for just the two of us, which is
really sweet. And you were not going to go on
it? Yeah, there was.
Two. I remember at the pizza place,
you were like, I don't know. I don't think I'm going to go.
Maybe I should? Have gummed.
I had a lot going on with another.
Girl could have gotten your ring.
And I know, and I was like, he insisted.
And obviously, you know, I was excited to go, but I just in
that moment I was feeling over your plate was full and you
thought how can I leave town? Exactly understandable.
He play on the trip to Maui, which we'll get to in a minute
because it was right before the fire.
We'd looked at rings. On one trip in New York.
But I was like, well, I don't really know what do you want
second time around? You don't really think about it.
That is a hard. Thing.
I don't know. I just that was my problem.
I was like, gosh, I don't even know what that would look like.
But then on his insistence, he was just like, just send me some
ideas. So I sent him one ring that I
thought I had seen online that I thought was really pretty couple
months ago. And that was it.
So anyway, we get to Maui and we're like 2-3 days in, we're
sitting around the pool. I have a couple Mai Tai's in me
and I just kind of brought up where are we with things and.
You know, what's our plan? And how come you never want to
talk about it? And remember that time when you
said you would never get married again?
I mean, I was just doing all the things when you kind of pick a
fight, I guess is sort of what I was doing, kind of bad.
My ties will do that. I think I.
Was just getting a little frustrated in the relationship
like, well, what what's going to happen next?
And you know, I was giving him a hard time about how he never.
Whenever it came up it I felt like it was me bringing it up,
you know, like what would the future look like?
And I don't want to say never, because he would engage in those
conversations, but I I felt like it was always the Mai ties were
telling you. The Mai ties said it's his
fault. So we have this fight which I
think carries on back to the suite and then we were getting
ready for dinner or something and he just kind of at one point
he just kind of took about his shoulders was like, can we just.
We just. Have a good time.
Right. And again, I didn't.
Again, I still didn't think so the next day we might have even
been that night. We were supposed to drive up to
the top of Halayakala, which is the volcano there.
And we were going up for sunset and we drive about an hour from
the resort and then we get to the entrance of the National
Park which is at the base of the volcano and the.
Park Ranger is like, well, it's full up there, there's no
parking, you won't be able to park and we're like, Oh no, so
we start driving and it's just I don't know if you've who's been
to the top you've been. It's a nightmare scary drive.
It is. It's a twisty drive, so I'm
sitting very quietly so that he can focus on the road and I'm
just sort of looking out and it's just it's.
Beautiful though. It's an incredible experience.
You start in this kind of foggy low bit.
And then you start to get above the clouds and you feel like
you're in an airplane. And I'm just kind of looking out
the window and I'm taking some pictures and I'm letting him
focus. But I think I was telling you
guys that I had this feeling looking out over the clouds.
And then you know how sometimes there's light that kind of
comes? Through and I sort of have this
thing whenever the light comes through.
Maybe this sounds cheesy or very late.
Doesn't predictable, dude. You know, I'm eating it up.
Feels like Frank. It feels like heaven.
It feels like maybe Frank is peeking through the cloud.
Yes, stream of light, yes. So on the way up, I kind of had
that like feeling that he was there, I guess with you.
I'm going to get upset so we get to the top and and Brendan's in
logistics modes right now, he's like white cycling.
He's like we. Have to get.
There, there's a first parking lot and then there's one at the
top and he we get to the first parking lot and he's like
there's a spot. It's like into the spot and we
throw on like our jackets and our hats.
And because we have to do like a 10 or 15 minute hike to the top,
we get up there and we're high fiving because we got the
parking spot right. And all these people are sitting
on the ledge. And so I kind of walk over and I
see this Little Rock and I kind of sit down and he just keeps
walking like he's, I'm like, babe, you know, this good spot.
And he just keeps going and I'm like, OK, so I'm following him
and he keeps going and going. He had a plan and he gets all
the way to where there's just no people.
So we're just at the end of the crowd and he sits down and I'm
like, are you good? Like is this going to work for
you spot? And I'm kind of annoyed because
I'm, you know, I want to get in position and get ready for the
sunset. I'm sitting with my phone out,
and he's sitting and he starts this kind of speech.
I guess he's like, and, you know, ever since I've met you
and, like, you know, that's really And all of a sudden I
just like, look at him and I'm like, what are you talking about
right now? Like it's about.
To go down and did he get down on one knee?
So he, I look at him and then I can see like, he's getting
emotional and there's like and I'm like, Oh my God.
And he gets down on one knee and I'm kind of in shock.
And then he pulls out the ring, and it's the ring that I had
sent that I was like, I really like this ring.
He didn't ask, like, will you marry me?
He said, you know, would you make me the happiest man in the
world and be my wife? He busts out the ring.
And I put the ring on and I'm like sort of shaky and it's a
little cold and the ring is a little oversized.
And so I'm in my mind, I'm panicking that the ring is going
to go, like, tumbling down the volcano.
And I'm trying to get keep the ring on and kiss him and hold
the so sweet just you're thinking.
About it tumbling down the. Or like I cannot let go.
Of your brain. Well, I think all of us kind of
maybe have that kind of tragedy moment like it.
I always have that about everything, like everything.
I always think, oh, that could happen.
Anyway, it was so sweet and we just kind of kissed and hugged
and watch the sunset as a widow. It's like you don't know if this
is ever. Going to happen to you again,
you don't know if you're ever going to find as.
Far as that's why, I said. You're giving a lot of people
that kind of. Get there is.
Love a second time around? We all know it's different, but
that's Okay. And everybody was super excited.
So exciting. I know there.
Wasn't anybody that was like, oh, terrible idea, but we got
back and sadly. Maui had this horrible fire
happen literally a week after we were there.
And so then we were like, what's not really appropriate to post?
Like, look, we just got engaged in Maui.
I have donated. Please donate.
There's lots of good causes. I ended up just really quickly
doing baby to baby in the very beginning because they were
looking for supplies for kids. But yeah, I'm excited for this
new chapter. It is a very hopeful place to be
in my life right now initially. I really wanted to fill that
hole for the kids. Like my kids were little and I
was like, I got to find a father figure for these kids.
And so initially it was almost like a mission to find someone
for them. And then as I got further along
in the dating process, I realized, you know, this,
there's just not a quick fix for a great love.
I mean, you just have to be patient.
And wait. And sometimes it happens and
sometimes it doesn't. And I feel so fortunate that now
I've had two. But I definitely got to a point
as my kids got older and as I had sort of muscled through the
single mom, you know, journey that I felt like we're going to
be okay. They're going to be okay.
I'm going to be okay. This doesn't have to look like
the family that you know, that family unit that you've lost
that you. Want to recreate so badly.
I really had gotten to that point when I met him and that
was a really good place for me to be.
Well, I think that's a great lesson for everyone.
It's something that I really believe.
When you let go and you are just trying to live in the present
moment and create the best life for yourself, then more is
brought in and it's icing on the cake.
You're already creating a happy place, so you're fine with
whatever happens next. And you don't want to settle and
none of us are going to. To settle, that's not going to
happen because we had great loves and that set the bar
really high and we're not looking to replicate what we
had, but it sets the bar pretty high.
You want a guy that you feel like can be for the long haul
and someone that's I know. For me, I would rather wait.
It's worth the wait. It's to be.
I have plenty of friends to play with and I know you guys do too.
It's better that and then just also fill up your own life.
Fill up your own life. Make it good.
Like it. They're hard things are going to
continue to happen. Like they're hard things going
on in my life. And I'm sure you too.
You know, my mother's not well and my son's.
I'm going to be an empty nester. But I decided I'm going to
embrace. Even on those hard days, I'm
going to embrace. I'm healthy.
I have the ability to travel and I'm going to focus on that and
then I think that's when amazing things happen.
We can't promise that people are going to meet another person
because when people say that. You don't need.
You're not worrying about that. I'm going to live my life and
have a great life and I do have some people in my life that have
no interest in finding quote that person like we like our
life the way it is. I think it's important to
embrace that as you go through your life just to you know, and
then you'll you'll have love. It may not be that kind of love.
It just made me love with people and friends and so I kind of
feel like that's the goal is to. That, you know, it was, it was
helpful for me to take that pressure off early on.
I took that pressure off myself. I was trying to fill that that
need for my kids, and that's not a good way to approach a new
relationship, you know, like too much.
Take the pressure off yourself to find that person.
Just dig into what your family looks like in the moment and
that's kind of it was me and my kids.
And you know, we formed a really nice bond through that.
And then Brendan coming along is just kind of icing on the key.
My dad always said this because he was really raised mostly by
his mother, but he said if you have one advocate in your life,
you've got something major. And all of us have been there
for our children 150%. They've got us.
So if we don't find that quote, extra person like, mine's too
old now. I mean, if he has step 10 now,
it's kind of silly. He's 18, he doesn't care, and he
didn't care back then. It takes the pressure off when
you're dating to find someone for you, not trying to find
someone for you know my 6:00. Year old.
And think about those years beyond now that I've launched 2
and I'm down to one kid. I've got all this time without
the kids and who's that's right. I'm looking for someone that I
can have a good time with, and he and I, we both like to
travel, We both like the same kind of music.
We both, and you're a fairly social.
Vote as far as the age of your kids you're gonna be.
I mean, I hate to say free, but you know, you'll be empty
nesters. At the same time, it's something
to think about, like, this is my rule.
I'm not dating anybody. Nobody that has kids at home for
me because mine's gone. I'm finally after 12.
Years of raised anyone with with kids still at home is unless
they are like at the tail end of like senior year or something
like. Never say never, because, well,
maybe not, because that is really fun.
Toddlers. No toddlers I know.
Keep thinking 12 I would. Not do that again of doing.
That by. Congratulations.
Thank you. We want everyone to feel
inspired by Kira story. Your life is not over.