Well, you found us. I'm so glad you did, but I am
sorry that you had to. Who are we?
I'll tell you what. We're not.
We're not old. We're not boring, and we're not
giving up. So come on into our widows
Circle. Where trauma meets humor, and we
remind you that you can not only survive.
But Thrive, this is every Widow thing today.
We are going to introduce ourselves Eggs right on right
on, remember that cheerleading anyone know anyone just me.
Anyway, we're going to introduce ourselves so you get a little
bit of background on who these for badass widows are.
And I'm going to go first. My name is Whitney, my husband's
name is Hunter and we were together for 28 years, married
for 23, and we met in the summer before our sophomore year.
At the University of Texas. We were 19 and extremely smart
to meet each other and stay together.
Although I did have to work very hard for him.
Anyway, that's for another day after college.
We got married and we moved all over.
We had an amazing life. We lived in Texas.
We went to Kansas, we went overseas to London, we lived in
Connecticut, and then we settled in Los Angeles.
For about 15 years until the summer of 2017, when we decided
to come back to our Roots, because Allah was getting a
little crazy, and our kids weren't grounded enough, you
know? So we wanted to get back to
Texas. Austin was really, the only
location we were interested in staying.
So we packed up and moved out out of Beverly Hills and back to
Texas Hills. Unfortunately, three months
later. My husband died unexpectedly.
I remember thinking, this can't be happening.
We have so many plans, like, we've got so many plans and
yeah, it was very traumatic. Obviously, I didn't have anyone
here. I didn't know anyone.
We literally moved in the summer and right after school started
for the kids he died. We do have three kids at that
time. I'm my daughter was starting her
freshman year in high school and my boys were going into Middle
School, sixth and seventh grade. So the Ages were about 15 12 and
11. So yeah, I had to start all over
the really, the hardest thing for me was that because I didn't
have any of my friend group here, and I'm meeting people for
the first time. No one knew me as a couple, you
know, I was just Whitney, there was no Whitney and Hunter and I
really struggled with that, the way that I coped with my trauma
and the grief. And that first year was, I dove
headfirst into a ton of self-help books mostly about the
soul and the afterlife, because that's really what I was trying
to figure out and I had a belief but I was like, but where is he
really. And I got a lot of peace from
that, and then the other thing that I wanted to do was find my
group, find other people that were going through a similar
trauma. And I said this before, I, you
know, want to know what it looks like and find the women that
seem to be thriving, you know, in spite of what's happening to
them. And that's how I found you guys.
And that's now why we're here. So that gives you You a little
bit of info on me and we're going to pass it on to the next
Widow Hira. Hi, my name is Keira.
My husband's name is Frank. We met in Washington, DC.
We both grew up in the DC area. Went away to college, ended up
back in that area and met through.
Mutual friends at a party. We were was it Love at First
Sight? Um, I think it was for him.
Ha ha ha. I was dating someone else.
So wasn't really on the lookout for him.
How old were you? So I was 26 and he was 30.
We were a little older, we had a lot in common, we both majored
in English. We just kind of hit it off, but
we're just kind of friends at first.
But ultimately, we did start dating because we just kind of,
would not give up. We just kind of Connected and
just couldn't fight it. So we about six months after we
met, we moved to New York City together and move to the Upper
West Side. We were both working in
publishing. We also moved around a lot.
We moved to Toronto for a couple years.
I had a baby there, my daughter aislinn.
Then we moved back to New York. Then when I had my second child,
my son Thomas. We moved out to the suburbs of
New York to Montclair, New Jersey.
We were there for about five years.
I had a third child there, Karis in 2009, and then Frank's Frank
had a company here in Austin that was recruiting him an
education startup. And I had never been to Texas in
my life just so really not one, not even fit in so.
Well not even a cowboy hat. People, not even an airport,
stopover. I had no idea what to what to
make of it, but I was pretty adventurous back then and he
said, I think you're still Advance, let me just paste that
me here to visit. We did a little house hunting.
We moved in August of 2010, right.
As my youngest was turning one, my son was entering kindergarten
and Iceland was in second grade. We actually made a lot of
friends really quickly. Clearly, I think having kids,
those ages, I think living in Tarrytown, which is kind of
Central Austin. We made some really good
friends. We were having a great time.
Life was good about four years in, we had a car accident and
Frank passed away. So that was pretty sudden and
dramatic. And I didn't have any family out
here at all. The friends really came into
play and that moment and I'll always be grateful for Or that
people really rallied around my family.
The older two kids were at camp, and they weren't in the car, but
my youngest and I were injured severely injured so Karis.
And I were in separate hospitals, Frank had passed and
family, and friends, just kind of rallied.
And for a long time, it was pretty terrible, pretty.
We're going to go into detail, Augie, everybody's stories, but
just out of curiosity. How long were you in the
hospital? And how long was curious in the
hospital? I think Harris was in for about
a month. So I was 42 had, I was 42 and
Karis was almost five and then Thomas and Iceland were at
Sleepaway Camp 11 and 9 years and they had been there for a
couple weeks. We were on our way to get them
and we were hit by a drunk driver.
Yeah. So I was in the hospital,
probably seven weeks and then When I was in a hospital set up
at the house for a while. Also, because I kind of walk and
I had all kinds of wheelchairs and equipment and tanks like
that lock how many surgeries you had to have?
I had many, many surgeries I kind of lost count, but probably
like 20 fish. That's a No-No.
Anyway, we'll get more into that later but that was Really tough
year. Just my grief.
My grief Journey started a little bit later because I am a
riding. Yeah, it was really funny for my
life and really trying to get. I just wanted to get well and
back to my kids, and my parents lived with me for a year.
They came from Virginia, but they are amazing.
They were amazing. They were traumatized to mean it
was just hard hard for everyone, but yeah, yeah.
So that's my story. Oh, and then like I said, I had
amazing friends, but I didn't have friends that Had obviously
been through what I had been through.
And so when Lacey reached out to me for the first time that was
amazing. And then I met Holly and then I
met Whitney and he should probably make it clear.
I did not know you. We had mutual friends and I say
you Annie. That's correct.
Yeah, we did. None of us knew each other know
each other. Yeah.
But that was such a lifeline and that was sort of the beginning
of coming to this moment in time where we want to be a Lifeline
for other. Exact purpose.
So many people do not have a group.
They couldn't find one or in a good evening replay groups and
they don't click. Yeah, it's tough.
Exactly. Yeah.
And I'm so grateful for you guys and I'm so happy that we're
doing this. I think it's important to note
that most of us don't know each other's stories in depth, right?
So this is the first time I'm hearing a lot of the details as
we don't usually discuss that kind of thing.
It's not easy. Yeah, it's easy, it's not easy
to talk about. All right, Holly you're up.
Up. Okay, let's do it.
Let's do it. This out of my comfort zone.
So here we go. I know.
Okay. I'm Holly my husband.
Tobe, we met at Texas Tech when I was 19, like Whitney.
And yes, we were babies. Toby was a few years older than
me. It was pretty much love at.
First sight at a party at a bar, but he was and we were both in
graphic design. So we saw each other in the
design. Building.
And then he kind of started chasing me.
And anyway, and then so fun to be chased.
He, he graduated before me and moved out to San Francisco,
which was his dream. And then, of course, I followed
him out there. I live in San Francisco, with
some girls and he lived with some guys, and two years later,
we got married, I'll back up and say we were together, 28 years,
married for 22, we lived in. California for 15 years.
I had my oldest son, Gabe. And then when he was three I was
pregnant with Zach and eight months pregnant.
We moved to Austin. Oh my gosh.
What time of year and the summertime?
It's not easy. But I was born in September.
So yeah, actually, we moved in September.
And he was born September 24th. Let's see.
So you moved to Austin and you had your youngest and then fast
forward fast forward. Happy living our best life.
And honestly, we've talked a little bit, Holly and I about
her relationship with Toby and he was like, the perfect
partner. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he was. Well, he would every holiday.
I would get some amazing color. Wash heartfelt, you know, that
he made and I'd be like, shut up.
I got to make something up for him for his birthday Christmas.
Let me run to Randall's forgiving right.
Here's our there's no there was none of that why I asked.
I was like you know when you're married for that long there's
typically some resentments or whatever and I was like she
would always talk about him and I go.
Okay well hold up is there wasn't there?
Some resentment like we're just like Unload the dishwasher wrong
or whatever and you're like, they're really, I mean, not
really so well there, you know typical couple, right?
I mean, but there was still a lot of.
I mean, we were really good about date nights and couples
you know two of us traveling together.
We were really good about that. What you have to work on?
Yeah, you do. Make it happen.
Anyway. He he was driving Zach and three
friends home from Baseball practice, and they were hit by a
drunk driver. All the other boys survived.
They're all fine. Now, and Zack was 11 and Gabe
was 14. He was as freshman year in high
school and I was in fifth grade. I think we all the way I got
through. It was being with my friends and
and Zach to, I mean, willing to share it.
So Toby, died instantly but Zach had to go. because in the
hospital who are weak, had surgery on a spine, we broke his
arm, he had a lot of injuries and so he was surrounded by
friends and family also and I just focused on him and Gabe and
that was my You know, just like Saving Grace.
This is all I'm going to focus on Holly and I have this weird
crossover where our accidents were on the same road.
Yeah I did not know that I didn't today.
So both drunk drivers and this on the same Highway.
Yeah yeah and a bunch of people reached out to me a bunch of
people reached out to me when you're when Toby's at.
Yeah happened. And again I didn't know Holly
our boys had Kind of maybe cross path and path and baseball a
little bit. But I remember Zack seeing
Thomas at a friend's house. Why?
After the accident and I've followed you because our kids
were the same Elementary School. Yeah.
But we didn't know each other. I knew the story and I followed
on the caring caring Bridge. Yeah.
And I would talk to Toby about it and be like, oh my God, I
can't imagine, I can't imagine. And in that interesting, I mean,
there's just this weird Connection between us and all of
us really and if you look for it, it's there.
But yeah. I was happy you connect.
Well, I met Lacey like a week after Toby died and I don't
remember our conversation. But will person that we knew she
called me to come. Visit you?
I know I was grateful. You were there, but I see what I
said call Lacey and God. Also just says a lot about our
community. I mean the community were in
which was really there for me and then the way they connected
all of us through unfortunately this tragedy but that was that's
kind of special. I think that makes this area
kind of special in the community that we're all in.
Yeah I my parents I remember at the hospital which I mean they
the hospital gave us an extra room for all of our friends and
family to hang out in there so many people.
And I remember my Parents coming up to me and they were like,
wow, you have a lot of special friends we had no idea.
Yeah, I remember my East Coast friends that came in, couldn't
get over how many Austin friends we had made and such a shame
time. They were just amazed at the
community and the outpouring of support and that was kind of
cool. And I was interesting because
Toby was different. Like, most guys don't like
connect with their friends. On their own like, you know, men
like he gave connected with that kept in touch with his group,
from high school, and college and now they all live in Austin
and slowly like well and they all followed him to California
to. Oh, that's funny.
Who's the leader later? Whole half the cult of.
So, but it's I'm so grateful, they're here now, because, you
know, it means something to have Pull that knew him for such a
long period of time and have the memories and then can see in
your kids, the evolution. Yeah, I find that really helpful
to Hunter was the same had the friend group for a very long
time and I love that. They'll be like, oh my gosh,
that was so Hunter right there, you know.
Yeah. And and then they can tell
stories of like, imagine you're dying high school and people
don't not talk about them. Helps me when someone brings up,
I love that. I love it.
A shared story of the force. You'd, you know, of let's talk
about. Yes sir.
Let's share your story. Like talk about Lacey and
Oliver. It's funny.
We were talking about this in our planning meeting and I
thought there's only certain things I want to say and don't
say, because they're not easy to talk about, as I'm sure it's for
you guys. I moved here from Los Angeles.
I lived there for 10 years. I'm originally from Mississippi.
Thus, the southern accent. My husband is from Hamburg,
Germany. His name is Oliver and he was
working for Vignette, Germany and I was working for vignette,
Austin. We still laugh how I got into
Tech. I don't know because I knew
nothing about it. I was in the film industry in
Los Angeles for all those years and we literally met in the
elevator. So that was our song at our
wedding was loving the elevator and all he did was just say
hello. So it is true.
You had me at hello, but I will say this.
I thought he was going to be my boy toy.
Not my husband, right? Right.
So I just thought he looked good.
Yeah, he was both anyway, we met on the elevator.
We ended up. He came up to me that night.
I was giving a presentation to the western region.
And so we started seeing each other and we got married in
eight months. I know, I know.
So yeah, it was very fun of at First Sight and the elevator, it
was lust at First Sight, total it.
Then wended its, which because you got married, eight months
later and my parents funny enough who'd been married 65
years. They got Engaged in three months
to so we did two which was interesting that his dad wasn't
super excited about it because he didn't know me.
So, we ended up everything had to be like, really quickly done.
I had to go meet the family had to beat mine, and anyway, so we
were married. Exactly, 10 years.
When he died of group a strep toxic shock, he was misdiagnosed
with a stomach virus than a and a pulled muscle in his back and
went to Coleman died that day. So it was all quick and we had
our son was 6 years old at the time and he was in first grade
and I'm trying to think what else Riders your son.
Yeah he's my only son. He's amazing kid.
Yeah, I was older when I had in my career, I'd had a long career
before I ever had him so and he's 18 now and he's a senior in
high school and he's the Isn't that got me through all of this?
But I have to back up and say, we were all talking about our
careers. I had literally just gotten into
an agreement with a production company for my television show
that I created. So we were casting on a Saturday
and my husband died. The winds day prior.
So I tell people all the time, my career blew up my family blew
up, and I didn't know what I was going to do.
So having writer literally was the thing that kept me going
every day. So I'm grateful Before that I
never looked at it as like, God, this is, it was hard.
And I'm sure you guys can attest to that.
How hard it is to raise kids by yourself.
And I have the one but it's tough.
I find it. It's he looks a lot like his
dad. Oh my gosh and he has a lot of
the mannerisms and you and I have talked about this because I
saved. Well, I mean, look, I still have
all my husband's clothes in the closet but I'm in the attic.
So I try to get my move. One house to another and put his
clothes in the new houses closet, right?
But everybody handles things their own way, but you recently,
he was wearing his dad's like jacket.
You know, his whole Sue's, he can, he had his senior, the,
their homecoming, or whatever. Dad's it was winter formal was
what it was, and he needed a black suit.
And so, I thought, let's go up in the attic and, and rifle
through what Oliver had him, because he was in Hamburg,
Oliver was kind of a nerd. Heard he was a tech exact.
Fortunately, he had had a girlfriend in his past that
helped him learn how to us. Oh my gosh.
Yes. But I all the beautiful journey.
I feel like it would be very stylish and German German style
system is very good. Looking.
Yeah. But we dug around in there and
found this beautiful Italian suit and beautiful tie.
And when writer put it on, it fit in my like I love, I didn't
have to create alter anything. So and he loved wearing acid.
You feel weird. Is this weird?
He said, no. I I could tell that he felt good
about himself, but he does look eerily similar sis and he has a
lot of the same. I don't know if you guys are
finding this with your kids, he has some of the same mannerisms
and sadly, he doesn't remember his father.
Super well, I mean, was only six.
He remembers some of the things they did.
But the nuances of the relationship he doesn't
remember, but he does some of the things that Oliver did that.
I felt so strange. Like that's how I know it's
nature and nurture. Hmm, well yeah, I agree.
That gives me Comfort. Well, now you're getting to know
a little bit about each of us. You're going to learn a lot more
but before we go, I thought it might be fun to do a little
lightning round of rapid-fire questions.
Just to get a little bit more insight into each of our
personalities. So Holly, we're going to start
with you, okay? Which means everyone else has an
advantage because they're going to hear these questions.
But I'm going to start with the first different question.
I don't have time. Time for that unless I give you
like 5 questions or something. Alright, first texting or
talking on the phone? I don't know why I picked you
prefer more weight. What is a pin texting or talking
more than not vexing? Okay, hot or mild.
Mild. Okay, favorite day of the week,
Friday. What something people don't know
about you or get wrong about, you know, this I need more than.
So let me ask you this, what's a hidden talent that you have
Remind me what? That would be.
My me. I was trying to help her.
I'm trying to tell you what you're here.
In town ahead is she's like past.
All right, I'll go to the next one.
Last song you listened to on purpose.
Harry Styles which one was on in the are all of them over and
over. How long does it take you to get
ready in the morning 45 minutes in turns out what I'm going?
Introvert or extrovert introvert.
Okay all right. Dear Good job.
Yeah, I mean, you have to say, are you getting ready to go?
Work out or go detail-oriented or don't care about details go.
He is the designer yeah. For sure, designer, and she is
an organizer, she had a closet organizing our home organizing.
Well, what, if we can talk about that, we talked about where her
husband's clothes are right. Oh interesting.
Okay Lacey. I'll try to I'll Try to switch
it up a tad. Yeah.
So that you're not cake or pie cake or pie cake.
Sander snow, see him. I'm a surfer.
I'm a surfer favorite day of the week.
Saturday what something people don't know about you.
Or a hidden talent that you have.
I don't know. Are you great karaoke singer
something or like absolutely rhyme in your mouth?
Absolutely. The splits.
Look at the people online, through western dance now, and
that's true. I saw, I kind of think all
righty. I'm A hip-hop dancer.
Know nobody would laugh at my age that up, doing that, sorry
of it Lacey, extrovert or Ver, a ver, a ver which is both.
Mmm. I draw my energy from being
alone but I'm outgoing but I need a lot of alone time as all
of, you know. Yeah, we'll go out and everybody
else will go out. In addition to the restaurant
and then I go home Lacey's, get it opening up boundaries, she's
like no. I've already had two glasses of
wine, I'm good. And it's time for me to go home
for the rest of us are like, wishing we did.
There we go. And a I know part of that is
survive. Ville to.
Yeah. Hot or mild mild and favorite
holiday. None of them probably changed.
I mean well I plan my husband's funeral on my birthday so that
one's no longer fun. I think I don't know, probably
New Year's because my son was born on New Year's Day.
Great. All right.
Cara. Okay.
Texting or talking. Oh, I'm definitely a texter but
I'm barely, I'm told, I text like a guy.
She does Larry See, just one time we were dating.
I was told that, but I really like, just in person
interactions. I'm not a big phone person.
I would say text like crucial information and then let's get
together. Yes.
Yeah, hot or mild. Hot favorite day of the week
Thursday. Hmm.
Last song you listened to on purpose.
Probably lured here on something the night.
We met or nice. How long does it take you to get
ready? Not long today.
I put Makeup on which is unusual for me, but not long at all, on
a scale of 1 to 10. How good of a driver, are you?
Whoo, um, I think I'm a good driver.
I think I'm an eight. All right, Dawn, or dusk Dawn or
dusk, oh, probably dusk sand or snow sand.
Favorite holiday. I mean, I'm with everyone here.
Holidays used to be amazing and then you lose your husband and
suddenly really, really hard. I would say that it was
Christmas first few Christmases were really tough, but now that
my kids are older. We usually travel, we usually
open gifts, and then take a trip and more about an experience for
the kids and then the gifts. So, I would say Christmas again,
because it's we've made it super fun, and we've made New
Traditions. Yeah, extrovert or introvert.
I was always borderline on the Myers-Briggs but people probably
think I'm extroverted. But Like Lacey.
I kind of need a lot of time to regroup.
All right. Yeah.
You don't get a lot of. All right, I'm gonna pass
questions to Holly and then you pick a couple for me.
Okay, though. I've seen them all.
We might just have to make somebody like some up.
Yeah, sure. Okay.
Texting or talking I used to be talking but then now I've become
lazy and I don't even want to answer the phone texting
favorite day of the week, Wednesday, hump day.
Hey, just because I like to say hump day, favorite food, who
Mexican food. Any kind all the time.
Ask permission or beg. Forgiveness, beg, forgiveness.
That's a good one. Would you rather be able to
speak every language in the world or be able to talk to
animals? I would talk to my dog pearl.
What ask her, why? She Wise job barking.
I would like to speak every language in the world.
I'm a communicator. Don't, they don't care that
you're trying. I feel like wimbley tells me
what he needs me to know, Wembley's my Bulldog.
He's a grumpy old, man. All right.
Well, as always, we are here for you.
We've got an Instagram account, every Widow thing, you can go
over there and check us out. Follow us for content, and other
helpful tips, and stuff, for just everyday shit that we're
going through because that doesn't stop just because your
husband's dead. Thank you.
You.