1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,800 This is every widow thing where we believe in saying yes. 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:07,720 And no and no. Hi, everybody. 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,880 This is every widow thing. I'm Lacey here with Whitney and 4 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,560 Holly. And today we have two words, 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,720 kind of like Sesame Street. We have two words we're 6 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,800 highlighting today. The 1st is no no. 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,320 Can everybody say no? No. 8 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,640 No. That's so important as a widow, 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,920 but the most important one for me now, after 12 years after my 10 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,360 husband died, it's the I said this coming year is going to be 11 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,840 the year of yes. So 2024 is the year of yes, 12 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,800 meaning all the things I'm going to do that I couldn't do over 13 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,040 the last 12 years as a single mother because my son was home. 14 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,840 Now that he's going to be in college and you guys already 15 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,280 have kids in college, what can I do now to say yes to oh, lots of 16 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,120 things. Yeah, and I love the way that 17 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,400 you're taking, taking that and making it something positive 18 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:59,360 because a lot of people, when they become an empty nesters, 19 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,760 especially as a single parent, your empty nest is really empty 20 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,360 and you can get sad or or feel you know, depressed about it, 21 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,920 but you're taking it. And going, Oh my gosh, I'm about 22 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,800 to have so much fun. I mean, I'm going to miss him. 23 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,160 I mean, you're going to see me in tears. 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,400 That's just going to happen. I'm prepared for that. 25 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,560 I decided to say, you know what, I'm going to go on that Florida 26 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,920 trip. I wasn't going to because I 27 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,560 thought I'm going to be tired. I will have done this and this 28 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:29,360 and I, you know, my part time job and and I thought, no, I'm 29 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,560 going to go. I'm going to have a lot of fun. 30 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:32,880 I think that's. Great. 31 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,680 Yeah. And Holly, you've said yes to 32 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,880 something recently as well. I'll always say yes to. 33 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,480 A trip? I know. 34 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:45,240 I don't think Holly has trouble saying yes to fun, do you? 35 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,760 You always look like you're up for it. 36 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,960 I am. I think that's good. 37 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,720 I'll take it for it. But it is difficult when you're 38 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:58,280 trying to navigate kids and you don't have your partner to pick 39 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,240 up the slack. I would. 40 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:04,040 I travelled with girlfriends. A lot more when Hunter was 41 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,000 alive, because I knew he would handle well, he didn't handle it 42 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,440 great. I mean, let's be honest, you 43 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:13,960 leave like a playbook that's 25,000 pages long for a weekend 44 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,080 away, but at least you have that other parent, you know? 45 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,720 So I think it's even now I have a 17 year old who's perfectly 46 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,760 capable of staying by himself. But the mom. 47 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,600 Feel hard. You feel a sense of 48 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:32,320 responsibility. Don't want to leave them, right? 49 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,040 No, it is hard. But I'm trying to. 50 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,760 You're right. They're 18. 51 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,080 Someone reminded me the other day, Your son is 18. 52 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,880 He can stay alone. My son was like this. 53 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,560 Would have been trying to tell her that part of it is that 54 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,840 fear. I go back to that fear and I'm 55 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:49,360 trying to work on that, not letting fear determine what I 56 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,080 say yes to do. You think about your kids as 57 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,000 much when you don't see them day-to-day, like no guys have, 58 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,440 and then I. Feel guilty about it. 59 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,680 I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's been a week and I haven't talked to 60 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,240 Sydney well. I don't worry about like when 61 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:07,720 he's home like the summer and he's coming in super late. 62 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,880 I'm like, where is he? Where is he? 63 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,680 But I don't do that when he's at school. 64 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,280 Yeah, because you don't know where they're going to be. 65 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,000 Do you get, do you keep the life 360, by the way, when they go to 66 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,400 college? No, I because I have 5 of my 67 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,520 friends, so I can see exactly where she is in that moment, but 68 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,960 I don't know where she's been. I just wonder if I should get 69 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,160 rid of it all together. Is it really giving me? 70 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,120 Is it giving me Any help? I mean, no, it's just something 71 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,560 to obsess over. Get rid of it. 72 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,360 Because I don't. Let's get. 73 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,600 Back to your yeses. OK, So what is a yes? 74 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,240 So you said yes to Florida, said yes. 75 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,360 Because you can work from anywhere. 76 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,920 I can. And I kept thinking, why am I 77 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,440 like saddling myself to a desk, right? 78 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,240 Silly. And then the other is we all 79 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,400 talked about doing a pole dancing class. 80 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,760 Yes, yes. Done one before in Manhattan 81 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,640 Beach. Hardest class I've ever taken. 82 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,880 So hard I did the S Factor, which was in LA too, and it was 83 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:02,120 a pole dancing. But it's so fun and empowering. 84 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,760 It is. It's hard. 85 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:08,720 Sexy, so yes to pole dancing. I bet our glam minded like doing 86 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,880 that. She's done it. 87 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,760 I've done it with her. Well, there was an ICM agent 88 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,080 whose wife started it out in the West Coast. 89 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,160 Do you remember who I'm talking about? 90 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,560 Yeah, I think it was the's factor. 91 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,880 It was one of her that was the class. 92 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,920 That was what I took. But it was 3 hours long and I 93 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,880 thought, this is the hardest thing I've ever done, 'cause I 94 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,160 had to teach us first, then we took a break, and then the last 95 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,320 part was doing the the dance itself. 96 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,480 Right. I love what you said at a minute 97 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:41,280 ago, Lacey, about not letting fear determine what you do next. 98 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,000 I remember a long time ago that was one of the questions that 99 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,680 Oprah brought up and and then said it all the time. 100 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,680 And I just love Oprah so much. And it was. 101 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:56,960 If you weren't afraid, if there was No Fear, what would you do? 102 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:01,960 And I have used that question so many times because fear is a 103 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,000 liar. It makes what? 104 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,400 What's the phrase that I've said before? 105 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,600 It makes clouds into walls and it robs your joy. 106 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:13,840 Yeah, completely forget the fear, sit in the faith and say 107 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:17,200 yes to life. And I think as a widow and 108 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,000 people who are grieving and have lost. 109 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,960 That can be so heavy that they stopped living themselves. 110 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,080 Their their their loved one died and now they're dying. 111 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,040 And really it needs to be the opposite. 112 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:33,040 You, let's live for them. Let's live because they don't 113 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,120 get to anymore. Let's value what we're being 114 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,160 given here. Well, they would want. 115 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,640 They would want you to live your life to the fullest. 116 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,120 Yeah, if I died, I would want Hunter to be having the best 117 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,560 time ever. Well, I stripper. 118 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,640 Poles and well, I told my floor before he died, I said. 119 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,080 I'm going to tell a couple of women that I know will come 120 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,200 after. You right that you don't like 121 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,960 pot roasts, that you only like clean foods and stuff. 122 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,080 And then one of my friends said, you're absolutely right, I was 123 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,400 going to go after him if it had been you. 124 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,320 And we laughed because it's true. 125 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,000 I mean, he's a good guy, so why wouldn't she? 126 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,880 But of course, but I do think that we have to address the the 127 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,840 no comes back to yes, you may have to do EMDR to work through 128 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,000 trauma. You may have to do therapy for 129 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,360 years because I did have to do therapy for years to work 130 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,080 through that and it's still sometimes. 131 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,760 And go back, yeah, I mean, I I've been in therapy several 132 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,880 times and then take a break and then I'm like, you know what? 133 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,080 I need to go in and get this addressed. 134 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,320 So you could be doing therapy back and forth? 135 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,680 Around and to different therapists too. 136 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,800 Yeah. That's important, the time 137 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:45,080 because different things are going on that were happening, 138 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,120 you know, from six years ago to today, like. 139 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:49,760 You're dealing with different. Things. 140 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,000 It's different. And what was it? 141 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:55,040 I think it was you, Lacey, that said something about every 142 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,120 transition. There's there's a new there's 143 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:02,160 grief with every transition and there's going to be transitions 144 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,840 for the rest of our lives. Yeah, the college going away to 145 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,360 college, that has positives, that has negatives. 146 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,720 But I also have tried. Like, I'm going to take the 147 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,640 playbook from you fun people over there. 148 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:18,400 I'm going to start saying yes to more fun things and then carving 149 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,000 out. I know, because they've all 150 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,960 laughed at me, that you're the one that always goes home after 151 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,400 dinner. Part of that is I am an 152 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,560 ambivert. Right. 153 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,320 It's not saying no because I don't want to have fun or that 154 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,320 I'm just busy. It's so important. 155 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,080 It really comes down to I'm one of those people that needs alone 156 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,880 time to be able to be with people. 157 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,320 And I think because I'm chatty and outgoing and I think that 158 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,320 you're constantly, always out there. 159 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,880 I'm not. I'm one of those people. 160 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:48,000 I'm impressed by you. Like as far as you're liking to 161 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,960 be at home alone. If I'm home alone for too long, 162 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:56,320 I I have. Anxiety down you. 163 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,000 You get into your thoughts and you call me and you want me to 164 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,680 go have drinks with you. It's a big afternoon. 165 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,960 Man, you're lucky she calls me to go on a walk. 166 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,480 Thank you for not calling me for a walk and like it. 167 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,680 Is 104 out? No, I don't want to go on. 168 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,440 Well, my AC was broken on Sunday and Holly texted me instead of 169 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,400 saying let's get you into a cool movie theater, she's like, no, 170 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,720 let's go have. Some drinks. 171 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,440 So what do we do? I said yes. 172 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,640 You did. I had so much fun. 173 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:29,240 I think it's hard for people, especially women. 174 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:34,120 To say yes for themselves to to to put themselves on the list. 175 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:39,840 And that's also where our next word, no, comes in because we 176 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,919 say yes to everybody else and not to ourselves. 177 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,480 And then we don't say, you know, you need to start saying no to 178 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,720 everybody else and yes to yourself. 179 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,840 No, I'm not going to volunteer and bring the cupcakes. 180 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,480 No to the sign up sheet. No to the sign. 181 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,440 Not all the time, but especially like I was. 182 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,440 And I think Kira has said this before. 183 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,600 And sadly, she's not here with us today because her son Thomas 184 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,320 is getting his wisdom teeth pulled and there has to be a 185 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,840 parent there. So that's her. 186 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,480 We miss you, Kira. We miss you, Kira. 187 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,040 Good luck to you, Thomas. Yes, but now I forgot what I was 188 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:12,840 saying. Dang it. 189 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,320 Kira volunteered. Oh, volunteering. 190 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:21,000 Yeah, you know the Super mom before this happened and and I 191 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,680 was the first one to sign up. I was running the, the totally 192 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,720 the meetings and. Baking the cookies. 193 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,200 Well, buying, buying. I was going to say buying the 194 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,000 cookies. I believe the other, but right. 195 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,640 I I baked. I mean, I could believe 196 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,000 elementary. I'm horrible. 197 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:43,520 I mean, and I even made heart-shaped pancakes for the 198 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:47,800 Valentine's Day party at school. I'm like, do the kids really 199 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,640 care? No. 200 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:49,200 They. Don't. 201 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,360 I don't. But other moms? 202 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,560 You think are watching and so you're trying to put on a good 203 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,240 show. I did. 204 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,120 It for the kids. Yes, you did. 205 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,160 For the kids, you know that old heart thing makes them feel bad 206 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,120 about themselves. Why? 207 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,720 Don't we do that to say no, no, I'm not going to volunteer at 208 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,920 the school today. No, I'm not going to be the 209 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:13,480 carpool person every time and be the one that that picks up all 210 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,640 the kids, you know? Oh, I had to do something so 211 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,560 awful. Well, my son needed. 212 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,560 We were at a school that's like 25 minutes away. 213 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:24,720 And there were one was a working mother outside the home, had a 214 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,680 full time job. And then one of the other ones 215 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,600 just had several kids and just, you know, but they knew I was 216 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,240 not working at the time. I took a break and I should have 217 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,680 never told anybody that I took a break because then it was always 218 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,360 like, oh, I have to do this, do you mind? 219 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,360 And I finally just broke off and told them I'm not going to be, 220 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,600 I'm not doing it anymore, I said, because it ended up 221 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,600 falling on me. The whole point in having. 222 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,680 And I thought, wow, I've come a long way. 223 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,200 I'm from Mississippi. And in Mississippi, you know, 224 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,440 you just everything has to be so nice and everything so well, as 225 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,920 I've gotten older, everybody's like, you're so good at 226 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,640 boundaries. It's called survival, people. 227 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:03,120 Yeah, I didn't have a choice. I can't take care of your kids. 228 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,920 It was always amazing to me as a single widow. 229 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,040 These people who had husbands, one of them even had an 230 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:14,800 assistant, still had the balls to ask me to be the one to go 231 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,560 get them all the time because they had something come up. 232 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,200 But if. You're normally that Yes person 233 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,240 they're they're going to keep coming back to you. 234 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,160 So that's why, you know, once you started saying no. 235 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,520 You have to set boundaries. It's all about. 236 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,080 Boundaries. It really is. 237 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,920 I mean even. Well, our kids weren't even 238 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,440 friends. Our kids weren't friends, so it 239 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,480 made it a whole lot easier. One of them wasn't even 240 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,800 particularly nice to my son, so it made it a whole lot easier. 241 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,840 Just like, damn good. But they would see me at the 242 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:45,560 school picking up my son at the same time they had to pick up 243 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,800 theirs. That was a little uncomfortable, 244 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,760 but I got over it. You know what you should have. 245 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:55,040 Your job is not my problem. My not having a husband's not 246 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,320 your problem either. I mean, I have to remember that, 247 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,320 too. We all have to take care of our 248 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,240 families. That's, you know. 249 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,800 Right. And we're not saying, I mean you 250 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,800 we're we're kind people. We're we're gracious people. 251 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:12,000 But we get overloaded because I do. 252 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,560 I get overloaded because I always say yes to other people 253 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,960 and say no to myself. And it even goes to the kids. 254 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,920 And probably we've talked about this, this, this guilt that we 255 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:27,480 have because their fathers are dead, that makes us go above and 256 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,200 beyond sometimes what we need to do. 257 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,480 Because we feel so guilty, we're trying to make up for the fact 258 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,040 that they don't have a dad, which by the way doesn't work. 259 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,800 There's definitely, I think I did parent for many years out of 260 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,520 that and I probably still have moments of that letting him do. 261 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,600 Things trying to backtrack out of it. 262 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,680 I remember you saying that about vacations, Holly. 263 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:51,280 You said that you're like, wherever you want to go, and 264 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,880 then now you're having to go. OK, how about because I and I 265 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,160 did the same thing? Yeah, making choices based on 266 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,240 him not getting and his dad would have been way more 267 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,280 conservative about the way we spend money, the way where we 268 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,680 would go. I'm sure my my son's had 269 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,280 probably a more fun life and that's. 270 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,040 It right. Well, I know my sorry, Oliver. 271 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,280 For a while I was like, I don't care. 272 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,840 I'm just going to spend money like I'm dying tomorrow. 273 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,680 So I did a lot of things with the kids that now I'm like. 274 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,400 I think we've. All the budget is hurting? 275 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,960 Absolutely. I say that all the time, Yeah. 276 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,560 You just have to, you know. But all of it's a learning 277 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,120 process. I mean, you know, it's not like 278 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,720 any of us had any practice of our husbands die and nor did I 279 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,640 know anybody who this had happened to. 280 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,960 So I had nobody to call grief group but everybody in my grief 281 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,560 group, with the exception of Carol Sticker. 282 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,080 Carol who I love Carol. She's moved though. 283 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,480 She was. We hit it all. 284 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,880 Was she a stickler? Sticker. 285 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,200 Sticker. Oh, I hope you're listening. 286 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,200 Carol. Her son is like this amazing 287 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:04,280 like you know runner like he's oh. 288 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,560 I was wondering where you were going with that, your potential 289 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,480 Olympian. I mean, he's that good. 290 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,920 This good body. I was like when his dad died and 291 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:17,720 now he's Oh my God. All right, so say yes to 292 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:23,000 yourself, no to others. Now I've got a couple of yes or 293 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:28,120 no rapid questions, rapid fire. Rapid fire questions. 294 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,760 If you're up for it, do it. All right. 295 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,720 Have you ever taken a personality test? 296 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,440 Yes, recently. Oh, do you know your star sign? 297 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,480 Yes. Doesn't really, No. 298 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,520 But I I learned it in a job interview. 299 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:44,120 That's how I knew I had the job. What I'm going in there and I 300 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,720 was really not cut out for the job. 301 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,680 It was a business and acquisitions job. 302 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,920 Long story short, he said. So what's your sign? 303 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,800 And I said yield or stop. What do you what are you saying? 304 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,760 I didn't know what I was 22. Oh. 305 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,560 I love that I was not. Kidding. 306 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,880 Not that anyone asked. And he said no astrological. 307 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,640 He looked at me like God doll, that's how you talk. 308 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,160 And I said, and then he goes, well, what date is it? 309 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,880 I said October 16th And he said you're a Libra. 310 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,120 And then in a split second I said I guess I got the job 311 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,000 because she's not supposed to ask when my birthday is, I guess 312 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,280 the law. And he said, oh, you definitely 313 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,240 have the job. Oh, that is that's hilarious. 314 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,880 That's funny. Not funny. 315 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,880 That's surprised You're a Libra. I'm a Libra. 316 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,680 It's like indecisive. It's the balance. 317 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:33,160 This is years of practice. If you had known me like in high 318 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,280 school, I was much more easygoing. 319 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,160 This is called 12 years. Many years in entertainment, you 320 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,880 better get tough or you're going to be run slap over. 321 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,600 Do you have any scars, Lacey? What do you mean not an? 322 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,920 Emotional, physical, physical scars? 323 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,080 Yes. OK, Holly, here's yours. 324 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,400 Have you ever broken a bone? No. 325 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,640 Have you ever broken the law? No, Yeah. 326 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,000 Oh yeah, you lied. All broken the law. 327 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,480 If Y'all can only see her now, that's why she didn't want the 328 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,760 video in a law. Totally broken, are you? 329 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,000 What? Are you claustrophobic? 330 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,720 Yes. Have you ever had a near death 331 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,280 experience? No. 332 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,880 Have you ever had a paranormal normal experience? 333 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,440 No. Yes, you have. 334 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:19,280 Toby has talked to you. I mean, that's paranormal ghost. 335 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,240 What about you, Lacey? Paranormal experience? 336 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,520 Yes. When I was sitting in the living 337 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,040 room and I think it was just like a day or so afterward, 338 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,320 everybody was out of the living room. 339 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,880 I was. I had not taken anything. 340 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,160 I promise you guys. I'd had no drugs, nothing. 341 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:35,760 There was a black wisp that went across the room in the shape of 342 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,440 a person. Oh, and it freaked me out. 343 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,760 OK. Would you say yes to plastic 344 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,160 surgery? Yes. 345 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:49,800 Me too 100% yes or no to donating blood yes, yes, yes, 346 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:55,200 yes or no to organ donor yes, yes, yes or no to having another 347 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,040 child. No, if it were biologically. 348 00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,720 Possible. Just say yes or no question. 349 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,640 No, someone said. Hey, you could have another kid. 350 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,079 I'm on the fence. I'd say yes, I'd do it. 351 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:09,240 Yes or no. Take peyote in the wilderness. 352 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,720 Like what? Peyote, what's that? 353 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,839 You know, like Jim Morrison and The Doors And you remember that 354 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:16,440 movie. I don't know what you're talking 355 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,200 about. Peyote. 356 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,839 It's like in the Native American, you know, peyote. 357 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,839 What the heck are you? Saying yes, Lacy. 358 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,319 Peyote is a cactus and it has psychedelic. 359 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,680 Oh, you're saying, Should I take the psychoth? 360 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,400 Yeah. Would you take? 361 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,720 That would you take it in the wilderness, Lacey? 362 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,080 Yes. No, I wouldn't because I'm 363 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,720 terrified of. I'm allergic to so many things. 364 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,040 I'm terrified of it. Would you ever go on naked and 365 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,920 afraid? What is that? 366 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,760 You don't know that TV show naked or afraid. 367 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,600 No, I'm never heard of it. No, I'm saying no, I wouldn't. 368 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,360 Never heard of. It. 369 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,440 Oh, man. And then there. 370 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,200 Was naked, I would be. Naked. 371 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,240 And then there was naked and dating, and you're dating. 372 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,360 For the first time, and you're both naked. 373 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,040 No. Would you ever pose nude for 374 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:02,960 Playboy? No. 375 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,840 If someone came to you right now and said were there going to be 376 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,720 tasteful photos? No. 377 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:11,960 Lacey, yes, you would. Yes, you would. 378 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,720 Your mom is in memory care, so you you would say yes. 379 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,200 Come on, you wouldn't. Yes, you would. 380 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,560 Sorry, Mom. Would you? 381 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,000 Ever. There's some of them that are 382 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,560 tastefully done, like you're not really seeing anything, right? 383 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,240 It's more like a bathing. Right, that's what I'm saying. 384 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,640 It's a day would have me out, maybe, I don't know. 385 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:35,200 Would you ever go on a first date out of the country? 386 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,960 You know like he has you know private Jet and he's like let's 387 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,040 go to, but I would vet them so. Sure. 388 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,840 Well, you've already said yes to a first date. 389 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:46,880 It's just going out of the country. 390 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,040 Sure, I think so too. That'd be fun. 391 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:53,320 Would you ever go out with a 25 year old? 392 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,400 No, no. Never. 393 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,360 Way too young. Never. 394 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,600 My husband was nine years younger. 395 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,000 That's my limit, I mean. Y'all are saying no to a lot. 396 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,760 I feel like you're asking some crazy. 397 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,000 Stuff. That's the point. 398 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,440 You have to get crazy. I would date 10 years younger. 399 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,000 That's about as low as I want to go. 400 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:11,960 How? Low. 401 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,440 Would you go? I would. 402 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,920 It depends on the person. Honestly. 403 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,880 If I felt a connection you think you would like if Oliver were 404 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,360 still alive, do you think that you? 405 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,720 I know it's hard to say but. Do you think that you would have 406 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,320 issue with the the age difference now? 407 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,360 Do you think it would bother you? 408 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,600 I think if I looked a lot older, I think it would bother me. 409 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,560 But he was so against Botox and all of that. 410 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,720 He was very anti did it one time. 411 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,120 And he said don't ever do that again. 412 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,160 It looks ridiculous. And he didn't care about 413 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,160 wrinkles. He cared about being fit and 414 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,840 healthy. That's all he cared about. 415 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,320 But it would bother me, like, I don't want to look like his, you 416 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,920 know, old lady over here, right? You know what I mean? 417 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,960 I felt like when I mean granted, it was. 20 year difference not 418 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,440 20 but 15. Something like that when I dated 419 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,680 that 35 year old. Yeah, 15 is substantial. 420 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,320 I mean it. They're babies. 421 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,920 Well, like when I was with Oliver while he was alive, I 422 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,920 still was. I mean that he died when I was 423 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,240 much younger. That was 12 years ago. 424 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:13,200 But I think now the the aging process accelerates from here to 425 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,560 4, right? No. 426 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,880 I refuse that I refuse. That it would bother me if I 427 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,040 looked a lot older than him. It would, yeah, that would 428 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,600 bother me. I think that's why maybe going 429 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,000 older this time. Like dating wise maybe. 430 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,160 Well, I will say it depends on how people take care of 431 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,080 themselves. All. 432 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,080 And I work at it. I mean, this doesn't it's not 433 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,400 easy. You have to exercise. 434 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,640 You have to eat healthy foods and still eat my Cheez its and 435 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,800 you still you know you're allowed to say yes to Cheez. 436 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,320 Its OK. But if I get plenty of rest, I 437 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,720 love them. I'm addicted. 438 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,240 Like that is something white cheddar. 439 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,400 I can't. Regular. 440 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,240 I can't say no. Say no to cheese it OK? 441 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,960 Now I know while we're we're friends, because that is a 442 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 thing. For what? 443 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,320 Is it to cheese it? I don't know if it brings me 444 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,280 joy. Don't. 445 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,720 Say I don't say. Yes, I'm saying yes. 446 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:08,200 I heard true the other day the word glimmer and it's the 447 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,360 opposite of trigger. Like you'll have a trigger and 448 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:16,480 it'll create anxiety and stuff. A glimmer is a small moment that 449 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,400 creates joy or hope. So she's it's are your glimmer. 450 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:25,160 My glimmer I'm not and I don't. Are y'all people that restrict 451 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,400 what you eat? No. 452 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,400 I want to be. Because, hey, being the only 453 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,640 living parent, I realize I want to be like my dad. 454 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,120 He's 89. You can't stop him. 455 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,480 I mean, he's fit. He's got his. 456 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,880 He's just in bored ABS. Yeah, he's yes, he's he's in 457 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,800 really good shape and he's 89. He's sharp and now that he's 458 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,960 getting good rest, it's you can't stop him. 459 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,760 Yeah, he drives. Really well. 460 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,000 I mean, and I want to be like that. 461 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,240 I want to be that Lady that's like I get up and have a bourbon 462 00:21:55,240 --> 00:22:00,120 every morning and smoke 10 cigarettes and I'm 120.