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OK, you know what makes me 
happy? 

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Can y'all give me an example? 
Like rain or dogs I'm in. 

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Casa Bella. 
Champagne I was thinking about 

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in relationship to grief. 
This is every widow thing. 

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Everyone, we're back in the 
studio. 

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This is Kira, and I'm here with 
Holly, Lacey and Whitney, and 

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we're talking today about the 
good side of grief and 

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everything that we've learned 
and everything that we take with

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us now that's positive on this 
sometimes difficult journey. 

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How has grief changed you for 
the better? 

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Or or who are you today because 
of this loss that you're proud 

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of? 
Does that make sense? 

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Yeah, I think. 
That's a good question. 

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Well, I'm definitely a much 
stronger person. 

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I relied on Toby a lot and I've 
become very independent. 

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You're the funny one now. 
Well, I don't know about that, 

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but you know, I didn't decide to
start dating for five years. 

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So I felt like I I learned to be
independent and learned to take 

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care of myself and aside in the 
grief for long enough. 

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So now I'm ready to have fun and
enjoy life, I remember you 

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saying on a walk something about
Toby was always the extrovert, 

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and now I'm getting to be the 
extrovert. 

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I feel like I'm more so. 
I mean, obviously not like him, 

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but he was the life of the party
and the wingman and like, oh, 

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you've been a wingman. 
I mean, I learned to walk into a

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party by myself, which. 
You know, before he died, I 

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would have been like, there's no
way I would do that. 

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You get all this confidence. 
So I guess the upside is that 

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you get. 
All this? 

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Yeah, I went to a Halloween 
party by myself as you came to 

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my 4th of July party just 
knowing you. 

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Know anybody in your house, 
literally in there, swimming and

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talking out as if you? 
Part of the sign of all of that 

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is, and whether it's confidence 
or not, there's AI am not going 

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to let this mean I missed out on
my life, but the real driver, 

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and I know this is you 3 the 
real drivers. 

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I'm not going to let my kid miss
out on anything and your 

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children miss out on anything 
because this happened. 

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It was already bad enough they 
lost their dad. 

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This makes me emotional, but now
I'm not going to let him miss 

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out on anything else, the things
that we would have done. 

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He's not. 
He's he's not going to miss out.

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I'm going to figure it out. 
One of the more positive things 

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that came out of what happened 
to me and my family is just 

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perspective. 
I just have. 

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I definitely am better at being 
more empathetic or putting 

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myself in someone else's shoes 
or like reading the room or 

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thinking, well, you don't know 
what this person's been through 

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or is going through. 
And I think that's something 

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I've handed on to my kids. 
I think I've talked about this 

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before. 
They're just super empathetic. 

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When it comes to anything, 
whether it's, you know, family 

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differences or lifestyle 
differences or choices that 

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people make, I think it's just a
really amazing thing that's come

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out of. 
So unfortunately having 

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something really go horribly 
wrong in your life and just the 

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appreciation that you have not 
only for the good moments but 

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also for other hard things that 
people are going through like 

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you said. 
It's also I feel like I had 

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lunch with a dear friend the 
other day that's having a really

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hard time and I had no idea. 
To see them on social media, I 

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thought, wow, I'm going to have 
to gussy up to go to lunch with 

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this person because they're so 
stylish and so everything. 

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Was it me? 
Was it me that you were going 

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to? 
Yeah, it was. 

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Whitney. 
And. 

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Whitney Dinner we had the other 
night. 

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Well, I don't know. 
That was the the girls took me 

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out for my birthday the other 
night. 

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And I mean, I have some fabulous
looking friends. 

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We spend so much time just as a 
society, looking at grief as 

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this heavy albatross that we 
carry for the rest of our lives.

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But I do feel that I am 
resilient and I know this now 

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because I have had such a loss. 
I'm watching the David Beckham 

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documentary, have y'all watched 
it, OK, the amount of stress and

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pressure that he had on him at 
23. 

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So the I think I'm on like the 
third episode or something and 

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and it's going through the first
time he was in the World Cup and

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he actually got a red card in 
the game and was pulled out and 

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they had to play without him and
they lost. 

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So the entire country of England
hated him. 

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He could not walk outside with 
somebody spitting on him or 

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calling him out and saying 
terrible things every time he 

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went on on to the pitch. 
That's soccer topic you guys 

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pitch. 
Football taught Lasso yes. 

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Every time he went out to the 
pitch, right? 

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That's. 
Actually true. 

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He was booed and it was heart 
wrenching to watch and listen to

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and yet he survived it and is 
stronger because of it has 

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empathy. 
I really, while I was watching 

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it, I was like oh wow, that's 
just like our grief and the loss

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that we have suffered. 
I know I can handle things that 

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in the past I probably would not
have been able to handle or 100%

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stressing about trying to handle
it. 

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And now I'm like, you know what?
This could go seriously sideways

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and I'm going to be OK. 
Have you noticed since the death

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of your husbands that you can 
really feel people's energy when

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they're not good? 
Like, it's like you recognize 

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grief and pain and suffering so 
much more quickly. 

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Like, it's like writer says that
too. 

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And I think probably all of our 
kids are pretty empathetic 

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because of what happened. 
You guys and anyone who's 

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followed us on Instagram may 
have heard that My dog, I tried 

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surgery and it just sadly did 
not go well and I had to make 

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the hard decision to put him 
down and the grief that was 

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opened up from that. 
I mean, even right now I want to

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cry about it, you know, because 
you love something so much and 

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then they're just gone, you 
know, and I'm looking around and

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it it kind of brought back all 
those memories of, yeah. 

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When Hunter was first gone and 
it's like, wait, he was just 

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here yesterday? 
Yeah, those are now. 

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I'm talking about the dog. 
It's like, oh, that's his ball. 

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I was literally just throwing 
that with him yesterday. 

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Wembley, but also Wembley's Part
of Your Life with Hunter, right?

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Like they were either wrenching.
It's too much. 

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But the blessing in having the 
grief already there is that I 

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know these feelings are 
temporary, or the the depth of 

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them because I lost my husband 
and I can laugh and I'm not 

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crying every day. 
So this deep sense of loss from 

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my dog right now, I can sit in 
it a little more comfortably 

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because I know there will come a
day when I can look at his 

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picture or a toy or something 
and just laugh and be grateful. 

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And so it allowed me to feel it 
more deeply and and get it out 

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versus I think the first time 
you're trying to protect 

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yourself. 
And I don't want to feel it. 

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And I'm going to put up this 
wall and you know, I'm going to 

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distract myself. 
And so I recognize today because

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I got his ashes today in the 
mail. 

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I know. 
And it was like, Oh my gosh, 

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why'd I get his ashes? 
There's now I have two dead dog 

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ashes and a husband's ashes and 
nowhere to put them. 

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And what am I going to do? 
It's just going to be one solid 

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wall of ashes. 
I have my cat's lashes, yeah. 

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But you know how I know you're 
going to be OK? 

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It's because I'm joking because 
you're. 

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Laughing about Yeah, it's so 
hard to feel this, you know, 

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It's so hard. 
To borrow Opal, I will borrow. 

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Older dogs. 
So my you were talking about how

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like Wembley and London were 
part of your life with Hunter, 

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So interestingly we got a dog. 
After Frank passed, my friends 

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went out and bought this dog, 
which I know Lacey thinks that 

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she's so ragamuffin she's. 
Well, she looks freeze dried. 

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She's very. 
Ragamuffin, it was very funny 

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because that week when Wembley 
was sick and you were talking, 

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you know, texting with us. 
Gramercy is our freeze dried 

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rescue. 
She's the sweetest dog, but we 

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got her for as a therapy dog for
the kids because they were four,

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9:00 and 11:00. 
And so she's been like a big 

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part of the grief journey. 
Yes, right. 

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She was sort of this tool that 
we offered the kids something to

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love on, and they would love on 
her. 

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And it's interesting because my 
son. 

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Super close is super close with 
her. 

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And you know, my son went off to
college and I thought, Oh my 

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gosh, what if something happens 
to the dog, you know, while he's

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away and then which is what 
happened to you. 

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I know. 
And then my youngest just said 

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out of the blue, do you think 
Gramercy will die before I go to

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college? 
I said I don't know. 

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It's going to be. 
I'm dreading it because it's 

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going to be a blow for my 
children for sure, for all of 

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us. 
I think what also nowadays you 

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get to help your dog with that 
transition, you can euthanize 

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them and it was so. 
I don't know how you did it, 

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Harry. 
Campbell was there that night. 

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Campbell came and then my mom 
came. 

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The ashes come and they give you
a little book about grief. 

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And I'm like, I don't need no 
book about grief, but I read it 

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anyway. 
But I read it anyway. 

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And they did say one of the 
things that can happen is you 

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start to rethink and feel guilty
and second guess your choice and

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that's what was happening. 
But, and it's weird how grief 

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messes with your brain too. 
I'm like Wimbley has memories of

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Hunter that just me and Wimbley 
have. 

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And if he's gone, then I'm the 
only one carrying the memory, 

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you know, it's just it's. 
Weird. 

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I think when that happens with 
anyone else or a pet, you wonder

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what could I have done 
differently? 

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And look, it was hard because 
Hayden, my second kid, was away 

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at college. 
He was very close to the dogs. 

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I called him while at the vet to
say, look at this, we're going 

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to stop trying. 
You know, I think it's just time

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to say goodbye. 
And he was like, I don't 

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00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,800
understand why we're we're 
giving up. 

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Like, I don't get it was like, I
believe that you're making the 

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00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,800
best decision. 
I'm just trying to wrap my head 

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around it. 
And that was another thing that 

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00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:26,200
I I probably should have done a 
little differently when I was 

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giving the updates. 
It was positive. 

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He's eating today. 
He's due the the surgery went 

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00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,120
well. 
Instead of maybe painting a, a 

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00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,960
more realistic is. 
That also what happened with 

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00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,720
Hunter. 
Yes, with the kids. 

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But they were young. 
I'm not necessarily sure that I 

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00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,400
should have, but it was more of 
a wait a minute. 

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00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,760
What? 
I thought he was coming home or 

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00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,120
with Wembley. 
Wait, what? 

198
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,520
So that was hard. 
It just goes to show that 

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00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:57,320
whether or not it's instant or a
long illness or a short illness.

200
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,560
The brain struggles to accept 
the end, right? 

201
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,520
The brain struggles to accept 
concept of never again. 

202
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:10,280
This is the end. 
Well, on a positive note, I mean

203
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:14,000
Wembley's cute little bark. 
I'm really going to miss with 

204
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:14,440
this. 
Cute. 

205
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,040
Little bark. 
You know that Pearl. 

206
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:20,840
My 13 year old lab barks when 
somebody comes over. 

207
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,280
Well, and really often, but I've
been like. 

208
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,280
Oh, it's OK, you can bark. 
Yeah, you're going to miss. 

209
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,440
I've had a lot more empathy for.
Pearl bark. 

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00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,440
That's really. 
Yeah, Pearl was. 

211
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,360
I've had a lot of, like, anxiety
over. 

212
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:42,320
She's 13 and she same thing like
we got her with Toby. 

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00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,800
It's going to be hard dog 
therapy that just like you, 

214
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:50,920
said, Kira, that those dogs 
really helped us pull you out of

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00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:55,160
your sadness because it's just 
this unconditional love that 

216
00:11:55,160 --> 00:12:00,120
meets you at the door every day.
And we got Opal a year after 

217
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:04,480
Toby died, so she's our our 
therapy dog. 

218
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,200
What makes you happy? 
I mean, I have a lot of things 

219
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:12,400
that make me happy. 
Two years ago I, with my mom and

220
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:17,040
my sister, bought a house in 
Round Top and I'm very grateful.

221
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,880
For that project to explain what
Round Top is for people who 

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00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,560
wouldn't know. 
It is a small town between 

223
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,200
Austin and Houston. 
It's an antique town known known

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for the antique shows twice a 
year and it's a cute little town

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and I had been going there for 
20 years on Girls 12. 

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I'm grateful that I had the 
courage to dive in and Toby and 

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I had looked at houses to invest
in and. 

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And we realized we couldn't do 
it financially. 

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But it was my place. 
Like I went there with my mom 

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and sister and friends. 
So it was kind of like my dream 

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and I'm happy I was able to do 
it. 

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You can follow it on Instagram. 
The poppy Round Top I liked for 

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for me, I've same as you guys. 
Like I had to take over 

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everything, obviously, and a lot
of the time my brain would be 

235
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like, oh, I don't understand 
that. 

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That's what he does. 
And now I do understand it, you 

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know. 
Sort of like I'm not good at 

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math. 
I can't. 

239
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Why you? 
Are good, smart women. 

240
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You you just didn't want to. 
You just let. 

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Yeah, you just allowed them to 
stop their job. 

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But one of the things that I 
have found helpful as the years 

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go by is recognizing that my way
is an OK way too. 

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I was so diligent, especially 
after Hunter died, the first 

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couple of years of trying to do 
it exactly like he did it and 

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keep everything the same. 
And I honestly would wait until 

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Sunday and do like a Sunday 
budget meeting with just myself 

248
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,080
sitting down and adding the 
receipts and doing the 

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spreadsheets and keeping his 
spreadsheets and still using 

250
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,080
those. 
Yeah, and it and it was 

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stressful. 
But that was the way that, you 

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00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,080
know, I was like, this is the 
way we do it. 

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To talk about empowering. 
Now I feel like, Oh my, I know a

254
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,520
way too. 
And my way is just as good. 

255
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,120
And it's OK if I don't put the 
receipts in every Sunday. 

256
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,520
You know, I can handle the 
budget the way that is most 

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00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,320
comfortable for me and that that
has been a gift. 

258
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,160
It's empowering. 
And so when I was recently on 

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00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:33,840
this girls trip so we're all 
shopping and some of the. 

260
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,720
Women are checking in with their
husbands like, can I buy this? 

261
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,520
Yeah, they're hiding what they 
bought from their. 

262
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,000
Can I buy this handbag? 
Can I buy this piece of jewelry?

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00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,080
And I mean, I'm just over there 
like, I mean, you're not asking 

264
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,960
like. 
Can you Buy this handout and. 

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00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,760
Then you know. 
What Kira was like? 

266
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,480
Yes. 
Get them both. 

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00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:56,880
OK. 
I think we're going to wrap it 

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00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,040
up for today's episode, but 
thank you so much for listening.

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The message at the end of the 
day is that there are some 

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positives that can come out of 
this deep, dark grief, and we're

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00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,240
encouraging you to look for 
them. 

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All right, Have a great day, 
everyone. 

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We'll see you soon. 
This is every widow thing.