1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:05,100 This is every Widow thing. Before we get started, can I say 2 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:10,700 something? No, I just want to give a 3 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:16,500 shout-out to my dear friend. Joan and my friend, Amy Joan. 4 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:20,000 Did our logo and amazing art of thing though. 5 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,100 Beautiful photos. Make us look good. 6 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:26,800 Yes, you do. It's great to have friends with 7 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:31,400 talents which I guess everyone has a talent but sometimes you 8 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:37,200 don't really want them to use it on you photos and logos. 9 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,600 Those are where you going with that. 10 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,500 I really don't know. Listen, I am jet lagged because 11 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:47,100 I just took a whirlwind trip with the kids, starting to be 12 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,300 summertime. So we thought it might be fun to 13 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:54,100 share some travel stories with you, but also let you know what 14 00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,400 it looks like. Now that you're just one parent, 15 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,000 it can be very difficult when you're outnumbered and 16 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,000 sometimes, if you haven't only, you're having to be the kid. 17 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,000 That's You haven't to be their siblings. 18 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,400 That's right. Have to entertain exhaust. 19 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,500 Now it's easy. They just game and they ignore 20 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,300 you so. Well, mine weren't gaming but 21 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,200 they were hurting my feelings, a lot on this trip. 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,500 And I think that's hard when you don't have, if I don't have my 23 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:22,600 partner with me to look at the kids and go, don't speak to your 24 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,400 mother. That way you're having to be 25 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:30,200 your own Advocate and it's hard, especially I think as moms I 26 00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:31,700 have a lot of mom. Guilt. 27 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,400 I do too. I let things. 28 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,000 Things go, that should not be. Let go, we all. 29 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,600 I mean, we all have our two, I think part of it is exhaustion 30 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,400 three hours into my kids still gaming because I'm too tired to 31 00:01:42,408 --> 00:01:44,600 do anything else. Is that like so, you know, when 32 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,400 you're always having to be on, so we just took a trip to 33 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,400 Europe. We did London, where my husband 34 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,400 and I used to live and that was fun but emotional, because I 35 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,900 haven't been back to that place since we left. 36 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,000 Did you go back to some of the old haunts? 37 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,500 Yeah, we I took the kit because the plan was always to Go back 38 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,800 over there with them and show them where we used to live and 39 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:11,200 the neighborhood and Pub. Yeah, exactly. 40 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:18,900 I did that and I remember you. Yeah, English accent came back. 41 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,300 My kids are like, why are you talking like that? 42 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,100 I go. I don't know, but one of the 43 00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:26,600 things that I was going to share with you guys is everybody's on 44 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,700 edge. I don't know about you guys but 45 00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:32,300 I get tripping xiety. So we're at the Louvre and I'm 46 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,600 on edge. The kids are getting worked up 47 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,000 because the tickets aren't going through the way that they 48 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,800 should. And there's a line getting 49 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,800 backed up now because we're not going through the Styles and I'm 50 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:46,700 like, just go go and one of my kids blows up and uses some 51 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,300 Choice words. I learned those when I don't 52 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:53,800 fucking know, I can be difficult to travel with because I have 53 00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,900 expectations of how perfect I want the trip to be. 54 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:01,800 And then when things go awry, I kind of I'm not my best self 55 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,400 trip. I know is It does need to be 56 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,700 lowered when you're traveling by yourself with children. 57 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,800 They need to be dressed way. Just it's hard. 58 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,200 I took me a few years finally leaned into that, but in the 59 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,200 beginning, I wanted everything to look like. 60 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:19,800 It would if Oliver were alive. Because it may me, feel better 61 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,300 on. Yeah. 62 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,900 For me, I'm like, I want to create these amazing memories. 63 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:28,300 And also a lot of us have seniors that are leaving and so 64 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:31,600 you're thinking, this is our last opportunity to have this 65 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,000 amazing family moment. Aunt gets all it was for me, it 66 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,500 was all about making up for the loss, you know? 67 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:41,600 And I'm still doing that but it's like how can I make up for 68 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,800 it? How can I make it better? 69 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,400 How can we let's take a great trip. 70 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,300 Let's just make sure they're still having the life that they 71 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,300 would have had kind of like Lacey was saying and that has 72 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,100 been a real struggle and continues to be a struggle 73 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,600 because you really do have to reframe your expectations. 74 00:03:56,700 --> 00:04:00,600 I think what's hard about that is I did that or am doing that. 75 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,000 And now I feel like I'm backtracking because I Whatever 76 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,700 you want, wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do. 77 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:09,600 Now, you want to set some boundaries are ice creams later. 78 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,600 Yeah. I feel like I'm backtracking and 79 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,300 like trying to reel it in a little bit because I think we 80 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,500 have now. We have kids that are turning 81 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,700 into young adults and suddenly you're like oh we might have 82 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:25,800 missed a value or two in there when we were sort of over 83 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,900 indulging as an overcompensating tactic. 84 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,600 Yeah, exactly. And now you're like, why don't 85 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,700 want to raise a brat? I think we've all had What you 86 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,300 were saying? I've certainly travel with my 87 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:39,900 kids, we're literally in the most Exquisite location with. 88 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,100 They can go up and get whatever they want to eat. 89 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:48,800 And somebody seems ungrateful or has a meltdown or takes it out 90 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,100 on a sibling because you out in the Louvre. 91 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:55,700 And it's a mom, you're just like how is this possible that you're 92 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,600 having a hard time in this amazing environment but it 93 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,500 really does just come down to like whenever those feelings 94 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:07,500 creep in We as the single mom are the only person that they 95 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,800 can take it out on. Well, I think it's okay to hold 96 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,200 your ground like you did Whitney. 97 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,800 I mean you you have to stand up to them, they can't just run 98 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,500 over you. Oh yeah but I thought maybe the 99 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,400 rest of the day he'd any missed seeing the Mona Lisa because he 100 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,100 got mad and walked out and then I was on him. 101 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,500 I said those things to my school. 102 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,200 Yeah the way I bet a lot of people who have two-parent 103 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,100 households and say that happens to them to that's true and that 104 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:33,300 is something that I feel like my brain will do. 105 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,300 And make it about being a widow and really, it's just a parent. 106 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:39,000 It's just parenting or teenagers or it's hard. 107 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,700 But you know Rider told me something on our last vacation 108 00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:44,100 we was taught like how we're all talking about. 109 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,300 I was trying to make it perfect as it's the last one before he 110 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,500 goes to college and there was just so much pressure on me so 111 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:52,300 we go and he said you know what? I wish I wish you could. 112 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:57,100 You just have fun like stop trying to make it perfect. 113 00:05:57,100 --> 00:06:00,600 He could feel it. And I was like, oh, so I did I 114 00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:03,100 stayed out all night and danced at this dance party, in the 115 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:06,500 middle of Street and Telluride be with you. 116 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:10,900 Yeah, he left it like 11:00, and I stayed out and I came home. 117 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,600 It must have been like to, I don't know. 118 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,800 I stayed out with some friends and he was like, wow. 119 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,200 Look at you. And that's when it got better. 120 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,200 Yeah. Because I think all those years, 121 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,300 I think, I think he really wished. 122 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:25,100 I wasn't stressed all that time. Trying to make everything 123 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,600 perfect. He was like, I wish you would 124 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,400 just chilled it. Kind of reminds me of, I saw a 125 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,300 cat meme the other day and it was like, you know, I bought 126 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,700 Bought these expensive cat toys, but a paper towel fell on the 127 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,200 floor and that's what he's interested in, right? 128 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,900 The kids, we think they have to have these amazing, Monumental 129 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,200 memories and really they're just happy with the paper towel on 130 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,500 the floor. You know about that. 131 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,400 Well I'm going to try it out. No. 132 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,000 But you know what I'm saying? I get it expectations. 133 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,800 Just like you said, I finally had to give myself a talking to 134 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,700 because it was ruining the trip for me. 135 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:05,900 I was getting my feelings hurt. The kids want to go, this is a 136 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,200 moment of Freedom. What would I like to do? 137 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,100 I wish there had been a dance party at in the middle of the 138 00:07:11,108 --> 00:07:15,400 street, but I had a glass of wine at the bar and relaxed and 139 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,700 hung out and the two, that's a good point that comes up. 140 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,000 You know, I know when I lost my husband, and travel like really 141 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,100 looked different. I did seek out traveling with 142 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:29,300 other families and friends because you do want to be able 143 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:33,200 to go have a drink at the bar or, you know, go out to 144 00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:35,600 Something leave the kids in the hotel room, you know, they're 145 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,600 not going anywhere. They're going to be safe and 146 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,100 have a good time. You want to have like other 147 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:42,000 adults around. I mean it's not fun to just 148 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,100 always be parenting on a trip. It's your vacation too and I had 149 00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:49,300 to kind of like with Lacey. Just did and Telluride I had 150 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,800 some moments where I was kind of like hey it's my vacation too. 151 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,300 Right. I need to have a break and go 152 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:59,400 have some fun so that I can show up tomorrow and carry on with 153 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,200 the trip. But it is kind of like I always 154 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,400 kind of had to seek out. Well, who wants to go to the 155 00:08:05,407 --> 00:08:08,000 mountains with me? Or who wants to go to the beach 156 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,800 with me? And is there another family that 157 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,700 my kids? My kids like their kids and 158 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,800 right travel just started look more like that. 159 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,000 Whereas before it was more just like our immediate family. 160 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,900 I definitely didn't, you know, want to be alone on a lot of 161 00:08:19,907 --> 00:08:23,100 those trips and it's also hard like, if your kids, little when 162 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,700 Ryder was six, like who could babysit him? 163 00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:28,400 Like I can't get a break. If I go alone which most of 164 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,400 them, we had quite a few that were with friends. 165 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,900 This one couple friend, we did quite a few with them. 166 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,299 But the times we did it alone, you know. 167 00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:38,299 I was like well I guess I won't be getting a break and you can't 168 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:40,400 drag your kid to the bar. So in right? 169 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:44,900 That's not.you know, out on the hotel balcony, Just Me Myself 170 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,900 and the battle bottle of wine and hey, yeah, their wives were 171 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:51,600 asked to they're watching a cartoon or whatever or they're 172 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,500 asleep and I'm just kind of out on the balcony. 173 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,300 Like here I am with my bottle of wine. 174 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,400 I didn't drink the whole thing. I'm disappointed in you. 175 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,100 We did vacations with my friend, Joan. 176 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:08,400 My Friend that she has two boys. The same age as my guest and we 177 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,700 travel with them and then we traveled with my sister and her 178 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:16,000 family, which my nephew's are around the same age as my boys, 179 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,500 and we've done that all the time. 180 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,800 We still do that. Who did you go to Cabo with 181 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,300 right after your husband died? I think, was that was just with 182 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,900 her, okay? Her family. 183 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:27,100 Don't even remember you going to Cabo? 184 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:31,900 Yeah, it was nice to the grave mean, I was gonna escaping, but 185 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:35,000 it was good to have passed. Friends and then her boys are 186 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,700 like cousins to my boys side works out really nicely and you 187 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,600 hang out with her husband too, and it's easy to do that some 188 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,900 husband's, it's awkward, right? You really like your friends 189 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:49,100 were the husbands were just so cool about it and that's the 190 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:52,100 same with Julie and job. My sister and brother-in-law and 191 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,800 because Toby was very close to her husband, so it was hard for 192 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,100 them to when we would travel together. 193 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,300 That's great. And that's something that people 194 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,900 don't really think about as the years go by, like, The beginning 195 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:07,100 everyone is thinking about how they can help and what they can 196 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,800 do. But as time goes by, nobody's 197 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,400 necessarily considering oh, let's invite Whitney. 198 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,900 And her crew to go with us because I don't know about you 199 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:20,600 guys, but I get overwhelmed with the planning of things. 200 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:25,700 So it would just be so amazing to just tag along and not have 201 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,200 to think about anything. Really. 202 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,100 I always used to look at Karen. Think how amazing she is like 203 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,900 three kids? As she would do these amazing 204 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,900 trips and I was like, I'm exhausted just thinking about 205 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,500 the travel to get myself over there. 206 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:43,200 Let alone that I she would have all these things planned and I 207 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,000 was like she's got more energy than I have. 208 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,300 That's just I really don't think I have that energy anymore. 209 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:50,300 I had it back then. Now I just want to go sit on a 210 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:53,000 beach and do a that nothing. Yeah, for whatever reason, for 211 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:57,000 me in nature, is kind of, when I felt him, I think maybe some of 212 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,400 it was just fewer distractions and just having that ability to 213 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,800 kind of think, think, clearly and have Some quiet time and 214 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,300 sighs now to have that. But early on, I didn't like it. 215 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:11,000 I wanted things to be just busy, busy busy because why? 216 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,900 It was like, oh God, I'm doing that at home. 217 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,000 Sure. But coming home and nobody's 218 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,200 there. It's it's hard. 219 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,200 I have a question that might be helpful to others. 220 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:27,200 I had a real issue with going back to places where I'd been. 221 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,700 Yeah, we're, I've been with Frank that really, I found I 222 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:34,200 very hard for a while. I feel like Like I'm starting to 223 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,800 do that more now. So all of the trips all the 224 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,000 things that I started doing with my kids were just completely 225 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,700 different things. Like places that I had not been, 226 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:47,300 we had not been as a family, because I tried it one year on 227 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,600 his birthday. We gathered in Cape, May New 228 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,700 Jersey, which was a place that we always went with the kids and 229 00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:57,100 his family came, his sister and her kids and his parents and we 230 00:11:57,108 --> 00:12:01,000 celebrated the birthday and I was in like this deep, deep 231 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,300 depression the entire time. You know why? 232 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,900 Or you figured out later? I kind of figured it out later 233 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:10,200 being around his family. Without him was really 234 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,000 difficult. So I think it was a combination. 235 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,000 I mean, I love them but it was a combination of being around his 236 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,900 family without him and being in this place that we used to 237 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:23,000 Vacation year after year. So then after that I kind of was 238 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,900 like alright I gotta just pick some places that have never been 239 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,900 and started started think it's easier. 240 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:31,400 It was way easier for me. I was not I'm so glad you 241 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,400 brought that up because I Was expecting it when we went back 242 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,800 to California and I prepare I was prepared for that. 243 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:42,700 But when I went to New York, a friend of mine, had invited me 244 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,400 to meet her in New York. She was there on business and I 245 00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:46,500 could just stay with her and stuff. 246 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:51,600 And so, I took her up on it and when I got there, I was not 247 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,900 prepared and we lived in Connecticut. 248 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:57,000 So I think, if I had been going to Connecticut, I'd be like, 249 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,200 okay, I'm a might need to prepare myself for this, but 250 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,500 when I walked down the street in New York, Literally, it was one 251 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:08,000 of those moments where the tears are just falling. 252 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,300 I'm not even making a sound. I'm not even making the cry 253 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:14,600 face. It's just literal waterfall 254 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:18,700 because I was in this city without him, it took me to my 255 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:24,000 knees on has it can be like, like Kira said, when we went to 256 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,100 Germany, writer was just turned seven. 257 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,000 It was their first trip together to go see his family over there 258 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,100 and we got over there. We visited with them. 259 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,100 Em and then we left. Well, we waited at the airport 260 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:40,200 for five hours and realized the captain came out. 261 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,800 And he said, unfortunately, I've timed out, so they made us go to 262 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,200 a hotel. Well, my father-in-law who was 263 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,900 alive at the time, doesn't speak very good English, and he 264 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,400 doesn't drive into the city, right? 265 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,200 It was he live. He lives on the outskirts of 266 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,000 homburg. So Ryder, and I were were sent 267 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,100 to a hotel and like the red light district of Humber, it 268 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,800 just felt scary and I had this seven year Child with me. 269 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,500 And there was no restaurant open at the time. 270 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,200 So we had to go out into the city, to go get food. 271 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,600 And, and we're screaming American, and don't forget 9/11, 272 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,900 Al Qaeda. Where were they? 273 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:16,700 Where were they all stationed? Homburg all that was going 274 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,700 through my mind. I know trauma everything is. 275 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,500 I'm sure. Al Qaeda is coming to get us. 276 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,600 I'm sure that we have American straight ahead. 277 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:28,000 It you make everything so much worse than it has to be, but 278 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,900 that's how the brain works when you've been traumatized 279 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:35,400 everything's dire. Creates this fight or flight 280 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:39,700 response in situations, where there doesn't need to be one 281 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,800 column, one was all over. So that's that was the problem 282 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:47,200 with him gone and then it ramped up to the nth degree and it was 283 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,000 a miserable trip. My poor son, he just saw me 284 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 coming done. I was like here I am in a 285 00:14:52,008 --> 00:14:55,300 country I mean that was only like a year after I wasn't even 286 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:59,200 a year and you're in a foreign country and I don't speak the 287 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,000 language well and you know Americans I don't know that they 288 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:03,600 love. Us. 289 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:08,000 So you know what I don't have my husband as the German with me, 290 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,900 Triana Bridge. There's like you and Ryder. 291 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,700 Look German though, I feel like if you hadn't baby open your 292 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:17,400 mouth you could just put it right there. - do I just need to 293 00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:20,900 guys are running by nice. You know, I guess my advice 294 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:24,400 would be if you're going to go back to those places and for me, 295 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,500 I want to go back to those places because I wanted to take 296 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,500 my kids to those places or like going to London. 297 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,800 I knew this was Is a trip that had been planned in my head 298 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,200 before Hunter died. We were going to do that 299 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:42,000 together with the kids at some point and I was really nervous 300 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,800 about doing it alone so I was going to tag along with another 301 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:50,200 family member and her family so that I could do this with 302 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:54,300 someone and then it just ended up where Hunters brother was 303 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,700 wanting to take the kids over for his 50th and it just worked 304 00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:58,900 out. So I had hundreds brother with 305 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:04,400 me and it wasn't I was prepared but yeah sometimes I'll Go to 306 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,900 the air like the LA airport where we lived. 307 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,500 It's just the airport. But sometimes I get very teary 308 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:16,900 in the airport because we would when we were travel that's the 309 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,700 airport that we would be going out of or we would be picking 310 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,700 him up from the airport. After a business trip, it was a 311 00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:25,200 weird connection to him and sometimes know what's going to 312 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,300 trigger. I realize the problem like, with 313 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:31,400 trauma and grief, I also have the same Frank and I lived in 314 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,600 New York City. We actually lived in the Village 315 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,500 during 9/11. I used to go back to see friends 316 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,600 and family and I would avoid the street that we lived on. 317 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,100 I wouldn't go. And I remember my mom saying, 318 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,700 you haven't taken the kids by your apartment or, you know, a 319 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:52,700 sling lived there and I just couldn't even go on the Block 320 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,000 for a really, really long time. You know, I think these things 321 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,800 just take time, I think you just have to give yourself the grace 322 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,500 to tackle it when you're ready, definitely for me, in New York 323 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,000 has always And seriously difficult Place. 324 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,000 Imagine that. Did you like? 325 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,700 I said, Francisco and yeah, - San Francisco. 326 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:14,500 And the first time I went back was, I don't know for months, 327 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,099 maybe after he died, and I went back for my friend's birthday 328 00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:22,400 and I got off the plane, and it was like, the, I remember when 329 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,900 we moved, we sat in that same area of the airport. 330 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:29,500 I was pregnant with three-year-old with our cats. 331 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,800 Oh my God. And like, it was like the same 332 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,600 turn. Terminal and my got off the 333 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,600 plane and I was like just started crying. 334 00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:41,100 What? I will say, the more I do it, 335 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:45,100 the less painful I'll get a little twinge like that's the 336 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:49,200 one thing, the memories that I have of Hunter and I as a couple 337 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,300 in Austin are college memories for some reason, those don't 338 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,000 make me sad. I don't have a lot of triggers 339 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,900 in the city. This is a funny story. 340 00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:02,400 I just I was going to head to La this summer, just for, you know 341 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,200 I usually take Or something and go. 342 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,600 And I love to stay at the Loews Santa Monica because it's right 343 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,200 there at the ocean and that's where all of our I used to stay. 344 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,700 So I've gotten through that obviously, because I stay there 345 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,900 all the time, but the first couple of times was terrible. 346 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:20,600 Well, I looked it up, it's it's no longer do they got rid of it? 347 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:25,300 Another cup another we went yes. Another company bought it. 348 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,300 Yeah, you and I stayed with it willingly and but I Remember 349 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:32,400 Loving that hotel and we sat out at the fire pit and didn't I 350 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:39,500 passed out Out on the water. Like this woman is tired. 351 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,400 Getting out of town for me, for me. 352 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,700 Like with travel getting out of town is so much work with the 353 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,500 kids and the dogs. And the I used to hassle Frank 354 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:52,800 about it because we would go on vacation and I would pack myself 355 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,000 and all three children worse. Think we thought about it once? 356 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,300 I was like, because I was frustrated, we're getting ready 357 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,600 to go on a trip and I was like, you know you have to do is pack 358 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,000 your little man back like you don't. 359 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,800 Anything else is just your dude, stuff? 360 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:10,500 And, like, your little Dopp kit, and it's just like you here like 361 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,700 that, and it became a joke last week. 362 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:17,800 My boys went up to see my mom and my sister, and my pack 363 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,900 yourself. Get ready. 364 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,500 Get home. And I was like, why is Zach 365 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:27,900 suitcase here here? And he texted me. 366 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,500 And he said, I forgot my clothes, but I remembered 367 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:36,700 everything else. That is so cute. 368 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:41,300 Let him pack is on his own. Well, and I think now that we 369 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,300 have to travel alone, alone alone. 370 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:48,200 Yeah, you have to, I think what we're kind of demonstrating here 371 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:53,500 is Letting Go not just of expectations, but depending on 372 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:58,000 the age of your kid, let them handle their stuff. 373 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,600 I forgot a bra. I was only in charge of my own 374 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,600 packing this time. And I didn't bring Any bra, 375 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:09,200 their European barrier piano and a saggy sort of way but who 376 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,100 cares? Like who cares? 377 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,400 So letting go of all those expectations and letting 378 00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,200 yourself relax, that was other thing that I'm hearing from us 379 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,200 like whether it be fallen asleep. 380 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,400 Now, it depends on the age of your kids but maybe when you're 381 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:29,200 thinking about travel as a widow, you find a way to give 382 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,900 yourself a little bit of time alone, whether it be putting the 383 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:37,000 Kids in the hotel camp or if you're staying with friends, 384 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,600 asking them to give you a half a day or something. 385 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,500 If you're with your family, it's not a vacation, it's a trip, 386 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,300 you're on a trip. And when you don't have your 387 00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:52,400 kids for my youngest, like we would do Telluride and then she 388 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,100 couldn't handle like some of the harder hikes at the bigger kids 389 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,400 could. And so I would I would do like a 390 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:01,500 little day camp for her and then I would have some time with the 391 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:03,700 big heads. It's all about sort of Balance 392 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:06,400 and figuring out what works for you, and your kids and your 393 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,300 family and having other families along really helps because 394 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:14,100 inclusives the big kids really do look out for the little kid 395 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:17,800 because they weren't siblings. That's another tip that I would 396 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,500 just share that really helped with me. 397 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:25,900 We're throwing out some really amazing destinations, but it can 398 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:29,900 be something like going and visiting your grandma. 399 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:33,400 The grandparents or cousins or hey, Agent. 400 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,500 Especially in the beginning I felt. 401 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:39,500 And I think we've talked about this before, the need to get 402 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:43,000 away Escape, I didn't want to be home in my mind. 403 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,200 I was like I'm gonna honor Hunters birthday by going 404 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,800 somewhere or I'm gonna honor our anniversary by taking us 405 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:55,800 somewhere and if you have the means to do something like that, 406 00:21:56,100 --> 00:22:00,100 however, big or small that the trip is it, I think it's really 407 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,200 important. It. 408 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,000 First of all, created a little family. 409 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:07,400 Unit, when your unit was disrupted and then it gives 410 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,500 everybody a chance to kind of, get out of that grief. 411 00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,500 It's true. I did, I did some staycations. 412 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,400 The first year they do Resort pass which is pretty good. $35, 413 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,500 you can go to a myriad of great Hotel. 414 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,500 Yes, do that. I do think it gets easier as 415 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:27,100 they get older for me. If I let go of wanting them to 416 00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:31,100 be as excited about everything. As I am, sometimes they just 417 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:34,900 wanted to sleep in. He loved the hotel room I know. 418 00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:37,300 Yeah, they got frustrated when they want to sleep in because 419 00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,700 I'll be like we're in Barcelona. We need to get out and see the 420 00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:41,000 site. Yeah. 421 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,100 Percent. But it's definitely easier by 422 00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:46,200 contrast. So we every year would go visit 423 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,500 friends and Martha's Vineyard. There was this one year, my best 424 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:52,000 friend, rented, a house and invited us. 425 00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:57,300 And this trip ended up being we had gotten this therapy dog to 426 00:22:57,300 --> 00:22:59,300 that the kids insisted on bringing a therapy dog. 427 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,700 So I'm like, okay, what after the accident? 428 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:04,500 My kids were grieving Sweet. Friend was like we have to get 429 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,100 you this dog. I don't know if any of y'all 430 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:08,600 have ever been to Martha's Vineyard but not easy to get it 431 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,300 is like Planes Trains and Automobiles. 432 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:15,100 Yeah, we have the dog with us. So she flew on the plane with us 433 00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:18,500 because she was supposed to, she had papers and she was allowed 434 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:20,600 to be on the plane. And so I'm like oh this will be 435 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,600 great. She will sit with the kids. 436 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:28,700 Particularly my son was really close with her that dog sat on 437 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,900 me so he didn't have to be in a carrier, it was on here. 438 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,300 Was no, she was out of the we had the vest and everything. 439 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:38,800 Yeah, hurt be best that talks out on me. 440 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,400 The entire way, then we get there. 441 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,300 I rent. I have to rent a minivan drive 442 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,700 to the vineyard was like six or seven hours and then you get on 443 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:54,000 the ferry with the car. I mean it is a lot and that year 444 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,400 I was sick. I had just a raging cold or 445 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:02,900 something and so I'm driving with the kids and the dog and my 446 00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:07,400 Nose is just running and I can barely see the road and you know 447 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,700 these are just that's just one of Many Adventures we got there. 448 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,200 Okay, but oh. And then so we get to the 449 00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:17,600 vineyard, we do the whole thing and the dogs got skunked. 450 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,200 Let's just say the dog is never traveled. 451 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:26,900 Since that was her one another, that's a toddler on the truth 452 00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:28,000 one. And only true. 453 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,100 Thank you with us, I've kudos for it again. 454 00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:34,400 I was like the kid. Kids have to have their therapy 455 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,200 David. And I mean after that, I was 456 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,900 like, she's staying home, you're gonna need therapy after taking 457 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:41,000 their. I talk and those things are so 458 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,100 stressful, just so anyway, but then, when you're dealing with 459 00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:52,900 it alone, alone, looking back. Was it good that you took all of 460 00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:56,900 those trips and that they were stressful or, and it's always 461 00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,000 worth it once, you're there? I think. 462 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:04,300 It's because I like to go. Yeah, I won Kind of nightmare 463 00:25:04,300 --> 00:25:06,500 trip. We had my sister and 464 00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:09,700 brother-in-law were like come see us, they were in Florida and 465 00:25:09,700 --> 00:25:14,400 there's a room for you and so nice and spontaneously, let's 466 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,900 go. And we flew to Dallas and our 467 00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:19,400 flight got canceled. So we had to spend the night in 468 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:23,400 Dallas, you know, it's late and we had checked our bags, that's 469 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,700 why I don't check bags anymore. It was worth it once we got 470 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:30,000 there, we were at the beach but it was hard to do doing its 471 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,200 thing as a single parent did. I want to take the path of Of 472 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,600 least resistance though. So I don't look back on any of 473 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,100 it and regret it. I just wait. 474 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:40,200 I think the only thing I tell myself is like what Rider said, 475 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,800 just enjoy it more. And not, that's just kind of how 476 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,000 we do, I think when tragedy strikes and especially in the 477 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,900 first years you want? I wanted everything to look the 478 00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:51,000 same. I mean, even back to, I remember 479 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,700 right after Oliver died, he used to brush his teeth with Ryder 480 00:25:55,100 --> 00:25:57,600 and Ryder goes, I don't have to do it now because he's not here 481 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,000 and he threw the toothbrush. And I said, oh, but you do and I 482 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,700 gave it to him and we did it together. 483 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:05,300 And then, From then on and I said I'm going to I think that's 484 00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:07,700 what triggered me to everything, had to be the same. 485 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,600 You have to adapt I mean we the reason we were still going to 486 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,500 the vineyard is because the kids loved it. 487 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,800 Our dear friends were there with us and Thomas actually wrote 488 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,700 about that. And one of his college essays, 489 00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:22,000 you know, being kind of a constant in his life. 490 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,800 Also they took my kids after the accident, when I was when Karen 491 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,800 and I were still in the hospital, they took my kids to 492 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,100 the vineyard my big kids, and so I think that was a place for 493 00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:35,200 Comfort but Yeah. I mean, I'd push through so many 494 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,500 difficult Journeys, getting there from Austin. 495 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:40,600 I mean, because I just wanted to have that consistency for my 496 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,800 kids, for sure. It's always worth it when you 497 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,300 get there, The Vineyards? Really pretty. 498 00:26:44,300 --> 00:26:48,400 Here's a question for you guys. Several years after Hunter died. 499 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,300 I took them to beliefs, and that was a nightmare. 500 00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:56,100 That was it was terrible. We only stayed like two days I 501 00:26:56,100 --> 00:26:57,900 believe. Is it a friend of mine? 502 00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:02,900 Had it Hotel on one of the keys and he had offered it up and he 503 00:27:02,900 --> 00:27:05,600 was You just have to get here and then everything is taken 504 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,600 care of and that sounded really great. 505 00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:11,600 It was it was terrible but if you saw my Instagram you would 506 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,600 think we would have been having an amazing time. 507 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,900 Well London the same I thought yeah, to maze know, London was 508 00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:19,100 good. It was Paris where the wheels 509 00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:24,400 fell off transfer in Belize. When I got off the flight they 510 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,700 asked me where the husband was where the father was he's dead 511 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:33,000 and they were like prove it have y'all had those experiences. 512 00:27:33,100 --> 00:27:38,400 Did you know that you needed the death certificate to travel when 513 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,900 we got to Germany? That crossed my mind. 514 00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:43,900 I started panicking. I had a Xerox for a long time in 515 00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:47,800 my wallet. Is here. 0 my gosh. 516 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,900 I know that makes me sound so old that's like when your 517 00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:56,500 grandma's a copy in my wallet for a long time, because I 518 00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:58,600 needed it for almost everything that was. 519 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,500 No one told me that during and I had traveled. 520 00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:05,300 Remember, we went to Mexico, The cow like if I was summer after 521 00:28:05,300 --> 00:28:08,300 is never, I don't remember but maybe I did have it. 522 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:13,100 I was totally taken off guard. Its during covid. 523 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:16,900 We had this long flight, it was stressful with like the covid 524 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:20,100 test because remember you only you had to take it three days 525 00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:23,900 prior and we're literally on our way to the airport and I'm still 526 00:28:23,900 --> 00:28:27,800 waiting for the test results. Totally stressed. 527 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,400 And then, I'm with three teens, one of them really hated me at 528 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,800 the time. They're worried. 529 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,000 You're Going to escape with the casing that you're going to. 530 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,400 Yeah. The and it does happen. 531 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,200 I mean, I've seen the Lifetime movies. 532 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,000 Well, coming back from humber's, we're really thought about it 533 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,800 because I'm the American taking a dual citizen Addison. 534 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,700 Yeah. Back to the US and he's not with 535 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:48,400 me. This is weird, probably to you 536 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,800 guys, but I had photocopied almost all like serious 537 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:56,600 documents because I have a tendency to live but okay, I 538 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:05,000 mean did you see Took. I have all of that social 539 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,500 security cards, all of ya on. So that's a good tip. 540 00:29:08,700 --> 00:29:13,100 So, that's a great tip because I am standing in Belize scrolling 541 00:29:13,100 --> 00:29:17,000 through emails. Trying to find this was, what? 542 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:21,400 20 20, and he died in 2017. I'm wearing a mask. 543 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,500 I'm crying of course, trying to find proof. 544 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,400 I think the lady just felt sorry for me. 545 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,300 I finally found something and just kind of shit. 546 00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:32,600 There's they act so badly. Do you realize I just wants 547 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:33,900 that? Leave them here. 548 00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:37,500 Start acting up here, but he's stealing teenage, right? 549 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:41,700 No, we're trying to think you buns, but I do like what you 550 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:44,700 said. Lacy it have a picture of it and 551 00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:48,400 you can just keep it on and make an album, on your and your 552 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,300 photo. That's a, yeah, I have the 553 00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:54,200 medical, the medical card and I don't have the death 554 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,400 certificate, your driver's, license insurance health 555 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,400 insurance. I have a license good because if 556 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,500 you forget to go, if you go to the airport like one of my 557 00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:07,700 friends, Her son went to the airport and didn't have his ID 558 00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:11,000 and they took it, but they took the photo copy of that, which I 559 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,000 submit does me too but it sure, hey, that's what she said 560 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:19,600 happened right now and print it out like 10 copies of the 561 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,200 passport. That's right place. 562 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,200 Ins that insurance card everything and I just said, 563 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,800 stick it in. He's got like a backpack and I'm 564 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,200 like, just stick a copy in different areas and different 565 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,900 things and always scary in your shorts. 566 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,800 And in your, I don't know anything about that your 567 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:38,000 underwear and just like have a million different copies and on 568 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,500 your phone that's saying, sorry Mom. 569 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:44,100 So let's kind of wrap it up, wisdom. 570 00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:46,400 I get out with the wrap it up and roll with it. 571 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,900 Yeah, what do we want to end with that? 572 00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:53,300 People carry with them just roll with it. 573 00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:56,700 I mean everything is not going to go according to plan, there's 574 00:30:56,700 --> 00:31:00,000 going to be delayed or cancelled trains or maybe something gets 575 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,300 lost. Just gotta you gotta let me 576 00:31:02,300 --> 00:31:03,800 think on your feet. Asians. 577 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:08,700 Yeah, limit your expectations, roll with it photocopy or Xerox 578 00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:13,400 or fax it to yourself. Yeah, that's your blackberry 579 00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:19,000 importantly, awesome notes. Yeah and be aware you will 580 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,600 probably be triggered. There will be moments on the 581 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,000 trip where you feel the grief, whether it's because you're 582 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,600 feeling very alone or you're appreciating what you're doing 583 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,100 and you wish that your partner was with you, you see those 584 00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:35,100 families on the Beach in Florida, Rosemary Beach or 585 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,200 something, that our whole families are getting their 586 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,900 photos taken and yet all in white whale or a little 587 00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:44,100 background me and my side over here like doing a selfie. 588 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:45,500 So, you know. Yeah. 589 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:48,600 And remember to give yourself a little bit of time to have a 590 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:53,500 vacation on this trip, whether it be a bottle of wine out on 591 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:57,900 the patio or in the bathtub or leaving the kids are just real 592 00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:02,100 hearty recruiter, a recruit your people and it doesn't have to be 593 00:32:02,100 --> 00:32:03,400 the trip of a lifetime. Time. 594 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,700 It can be a night at the local hotel so that you can have the 595 00:32:07,700 --> 00:32:10,000 pool. So that your because it is on us 596 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,800 now to be the Entertainer to be the protector, the provider, all 597 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,600 of it. So it's nice. 598 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:19,600 If you can just take a break and swim in the pool, drink some 599 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,400 wine, okay? To keep it simple and I know 600 00:32:21,408 --> 00:32:23,500 that guy. Let's do a resort pass. 601 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:24,200 Yes.