Our journey of new beginnings will always honor and.
Rejoice the past. This is every widow thing.
Today's episode is brought to you by Roger Brooks.
And his team at Strategic Investment Management as an
Austin based fiduciary financial advisory firm, Roger and his
team bring decades of experience and empathy.
To help. People regain financial control
through life's ups and downs, so you can move forward with
confidence. This episode is brought to you
in part by spiritpieces.com. Beautiful cremation jewelry and
glass art pieces for people and pets.
You can find their information on the Every Widow Thing
Instagram highlight Reel. Welcome back to Every Widow
Thing. We are celebrating today because
it is our one year anniversary. Yay, I did it like.
Oprah, yay for us. * and. 1st but we started working.
It was in March. Yeah, mean.
Can't believe it. Think back on this year for
every widow thing, what are some stand out moments?
I think the first time we came in and recorded and everyone was
so nervous. It looked like a deer in the
headlights. Did y'all look back at that
video? I got so tickled.
I thought we are all like a deer except for Whitney.
Except for Whitney, because Whitney's been on the air.
Before, yeah, but it's still nerve wracking.
I mean you. What's funny is you get so
nervous, but it's recorded so you can cut out anything that
goes. Wrong.
And believe me, we have. Because then we go, we might I.
Feel like we that whole first recording, I mean, it was no.
It's up on YouTube all over. The place it's all.
It didn't end up being the first one, and it was edited quite a
bit, right? Well, I will say we've gotten a
lot better with the UMS and the Yas and the those were cut out
for sure, but we've gotten a lot better at that.
But now it's like old hat, you guys just come in here.
Nobody is concerned as much about how they look.
You're just here to, you know. That's really job one of the
most beautiful things that I think has come of this for me.
I was always very like, I wasn't even on social media for six
years before I got off right before Oliver died in six years.
And I, I, I still don't love it, right?
But you have to do it as part of promoting your business or
whatever. And then I noticed that I was
just, oh, I would be so critical of my photos.
And I mean, I still am. I still don't love them, right,
You know, all the way. But I've let a lot of them just
go on anyway. Like if we take something while
we're out and I don't particularly like how I look in
that photo. I just go whatever.
I mean some days I look decent and some days I look.
Horrible and Holly one. Of the most critical.
And she's gorgeous. Like, what is she saying?
Because it's not what I see. So I think we're so hard on her.
And you kind of taught me that, Whitney, you just have to get
over it. And I thought I could always be
controlling because I wasn't an actress.
And even I work for people who were.
And I used to think, why don't they let it go?
Well, easy for me to say, because it wasn't me.
Right, it's hard to let. It so now I see why they're so
controlling of their images. Because people can be cruel.
Yeah. And quick to judge whether your
ashes are where they are or how we look.
We haven't really gotten any hate, hate comments or anything.
We've gotten a couple of just critical like why you doing
that? But I never felt like we got
attacked in any way. So that's good.
That's a positive. Yeah, one comment was, well,
what are you going to keep talking about?
Oh, right. You are.
Still doing these episodes? What else do you know?
We can talk all day, all night. That's right.
Well, we've already covered quite a bit in this year.
Don't we have like 30 episodes? Yeah, we have over 30.
One year that's a May. I'm, I'm kind of proud of us for
that. Yes.
It's a lot of content. Yeah, it really is.
What were the episodes that surprised you or what was
something that you go back to or that you're proud of, or what's
your favorite? That's a good question.
OK, I have a follow up to my episode where I talked about
Costco. I had, you know, Frank was the
primary, I guess, on the Costco account.
And I was supposed to be getting this kickback and it wasn't
happening because I wasn't the primary.
And so I had to go in around Christmas time and the whole
thing. And you can go back and listen
to that episode. But just the other day I was in
Costco with my fiance whose card was expiring and he's like, hey,
can I get on your Costco card? And out of respect for Frank,
when I finally got myself put on the primary, I left him on the
card. So Frank is still on the
account. Obviously he's not doing a lot
of shopping, but I go in with Brendan and I was like, sure.
So I go with Brendan and the first time we tried to go, the
machine was broken. So we had to go back another
time. And we and we're in the line and
I said, hey, you know, I want to get this guy on my account and
this guy in this moment, she says, so am I removing the other
person? Because you can only have two.
I guess so. I'm not sure, but she just kind
of looked at me and I looked at him and he looked at me.
And then you. Squeaked out a yes, but it.
Was one of the you know, I said yes, you it's time to get Frank
off the Costco account. Brendan getting on and then he
had his ex-wife, I think, still on.
Hilarious. So he's like, we are ditching
both of those people. That's funny.
And combining onto our Costco. So that's a hard thing, but it's
I'm proud of you because yeah, you have.
It's not like he's ever replacing Frank, but in this
Costco moment a little bit, I guess.
It's the mundane thing, but I still have Frank on bills.
Dude, I do too. My bank doesn't know that
Hunter's dead. Mine doesn't either.
I just went yesterday. I'm the same joint, but it
doesn't matter I mean. Down and start all over because
he was the primary. But you know, we should make it
clear because I noticed the other day they were, and this is
no judgement, but at at all. I mean, as soon as they're dead,
you're free to do whatever you want, date, marry, whatever.
Lately I've been noticing someone marrying within two
years, four years. And I looked at a statistic from
Social Security and they said if it if they're not within two
years, it it doesn't usually happen.
I said, well, I wonder what that age group is?
They don't break it down. But Keira's engaged, but it's
been 10 years. This is not like she's marrying
somebody right out of the gate, right?
I mean, right, all been and. She's a long.
Quite a fair amount of time. Oh wow.
OK. Well, you know.
I've been with Brendan for four. Years.
Yeah, Yeah. So.
He's not the first person you dated, so it it was thoughtfully
done, meaning he was not. Yeah, but I, I think that that's
something to think about that you're almost seven years and
Holly is 7. I'm 12 1/2 and she's 10 so I
think we've done our fair share of dating.
It's time to change your Costco account up, people.
Sometimes, maybe. 10 years, I don't even have one.
It might be time. I mean I well.
That's you on mine now. There's no room.
That's my. Family's too small.
I mean, it's now like empty nesting.
Well, that's The thing is so one of the things that has changed
in this year of starting this podcast is Kira got engaged,
which is huge and. Yeah, it was for me again.
You know, we dated for quite some time and then it was really
only when we were talking about combining house, we had
maintained separate households. We still have separate
households, but we're in the process of combining.
And then at that point I said, you know, I want this to be more
official if we're moving in together.
And I just think that's better for the kids and for me.
But yeah, there's it's definitely been a slower
process. I find that I really take my
time with everything now. Since the accident I just
everything just kind of slowed down for me.
Which is not. That's a good thing, I think,
yeah. Well, you have other people to
consider. I mean, the first time around we
didn't have kids to consider. It was just us.
I mean, I certainly wouldn't meet, marry someone in eight
months now. I mean, that's different.
That's how I did it the 1st. Round you never know, never say
never because. I may not, but I yeah, maybe.
But I know now what a marriage looks like and what it takes to
make it work. So I'd be much more cautious, I
think right than I was before. Hey, but you know what?
You're right. Famous last words.
They'll be just me. That be like.
Yeah, you'll be like we met in an elder.
I don't. Know, I don't know.
Yeah, you never know, you might. Be married before I am Holly.
What about I feel like Holly, you have changed quite a bit in
the last year. I have I've become more
confident and make y'all give me time to talk.
That's right, you fight for your time.
Got to fight. And you started dating.
Started. That was big.
I mean, that was because you waited, what, five years, five
years or six years? To 55.
Yeah, and you're doing you. You went on TV.
That's right, on TV. That was.
Really uncomfortable for me, really hard.
Yeah, on the local news, we had a segment and Holly was like,
I'm doing it. I'm it's out of my comfort zone,
but I'm gonna do it. I feel like out of the four of
us, you have done more out of your comfort zone.
I think so. Too.
Than the rest of us, yeah, which is awesome.
And even like, being on social media, putting myself out there,
it was really hard for me to post stuff on like my personal
Facebook page, yes. But if we're trying to promote
ourselves and grow and we're doing it all together, and then
I had to do it. You know, I think that that's
one thing the audience doesn't know.
That I don't think I realized when I signed on for us doing
this and we all agreed to do it, is that it's more than just two
hours in front of in a recording.
Student. It's it's editing.
Whitney knows that all too well. It's it's posting content on
social media, it's following up with we get countless DMS and we
try to be so respectful of people that DM us and ask for
advice. So they want to know, you know,
ask questions. We try to make sure that we
answer all of those. It's so in an events, I mean,
Holly turned us on to this, to the place where she works, and
they were so gracious to give us a percentage of sales for our
podcast. I think that people don't
realize this is so much more expansive than just two hours in
a studio, right? Talking about our stuff.
Right. And so when when everybody
signed on, it's like, oh, this will be fun.
I think Kerry even said, oh, we'll just drink wine and it'll
be recorded. Well, we were.
We were going out and sort of venting to each other anyway in
a way that only widows can share, you know, what was going
on with us that other people just couldn't really understand.
And so then Whitney said, well, this was, I don't know, sometime
last fall, I guess. And I think.
We said we should. Around the holidays, we.
Should have a podcast. Yeah, and of course y'all are
just like, OK, you don't know what?
Like I said, you were just like, yeah, we'll do this, but it'll
be recorded and now you're in. Now we're really diving into the
business aspect of it. And now we're an LLC, and we're
going to have a nonprofit arm and Laceys learning how to
PowerPoint. And I've been doing a lot of
Xeroxing. Yeah, behind.
The scenes era is. Still para PowerPoint.
Vaccine. Do you need a Xerox or
something? But you know.
Well, what about you, Whitney? What has 'cause I know you've
been on air before, so that part's not that different for
you. Yeah, it's been the most.
Different, I think one of the things is having a group to, to
take on this project with me. And, and so I'm learning how to
make sure everybody feels good about what's happening and also
making sure that I'm, it's not just my voice that everybody has
some part of themselves being shown.
So that's why I'm glad that you guys are starting to feel
comfortable because we're going to do a lot more videos, right?
She's trying to get her buy in on that.
None of us really wanted to do the the videos by ourselves.
Asking questions. Doing it on social media is not
something I've ever done. Yeah, you're way more.
Private. Yeah, yeah, things.
Are going to change this year, Lacey.
Apparently it already has told my whole story.
I mean I remember I was in the bed 2 days after that, like I
had to get out and take care of my kid and everything, but at
the time I was just like it. Hit you hard?
It hit me hard like like opening up Frank over here.
I don't these are when I saw Frank's certificate, he just.
The record, we didn't get it open.
We, it hit me hard. There's something very, I think
it might be that 12 1/2 years later, I think, wow, that it's
still something you live with. I think I thought by now, 12 1/2
years later, that I wouldn't feel at all this way.
I thought every day would just be so much better.
Right. And you did have more, better
days. Right.
It's less deep, less dark, less often.
That's why where that came from, because I kept thinking, oh,
it's, you know, the other day when I had a a moment, it lasted
a moment, but I felt it. I felt it.
Yeah, but you're still going to learn to live with it and you do
have things you look forward to. But I think the privacy thing is
what is still. I have moments of like, wow, I
can't believe I said that whole world to, I mean, 40 countries.
I mean, our analytics say we're in 40 countries.
Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Did you ever think that?
I didn't. No, they.
Think of our y'alls and our our Austin.
Our Texas twang. Yeah, I wonder what the other
countries think of that, but. I think they they love it.
How are how are things changed Lacey for you now that you're an
empty nester? That has been I put a post on
with my son's photo turn, like with his little bowl cut.
Poor thing. I I posted it because I don't
think I really started thinking about it till senior year and
two of you've got seniors, you'll be empty nesters too.
Whitney and Holly will be empty nesters next year, and it might
be why I started thinking about dating more.
Before, I just would kind of, as one of my guy friends says, I'm
a lazy dater. I would go out on one day and
then I just wouldn't follow up because it just felt like work
to me, right? And I had my son at home.
I was busy with him, I was busy with my job.
So I just never thought about it that much.
And then now when it's completely quiet at home, you
think about it a lot because it's there's no breathing going
on in that house, right? So you're.
Only heartbeat in there. Right.
And if I, if I want to be with people, I have to make the
effort to call them up. I have to make an, you know,
make a plan. And I'm not the best planner
when it comes to social stuff. Everything else is so planned
that by the time social stuff comes right, I just don't have
the energy. To spontaneous.
But a lot of times people can't lob on you know what?
Like I've even texted you guys and said hey, anybody want to go
have a drink? You guys begged me to go.
Before I know. And I was always like, no, no,
no, too busy job kid, whatever. Now I'm like please.
You're like, hey guys. Somebody but y'all have kids at
home still so it's their days. I'm like yippee I don't have to
do breakfast but I would say it has been a tougher adjustment
than I thought so. So check on your friends that
are empty nesting make. And solo, solo parents, like
it's hard for if you have your spouse with you, then you're not
the only one in the house. But yeah.
But I think that's why people find a a a significant other or
insignificant other, because it's lonely.
Do you think Yeah, it can be lonely?
I mean it can be lonely even with you guys only having one
kid at a. Home, my kids, never home.
Mine's never home and I if I make breakfast he's not not
hungry or already ate so. But I always assume, Holly, that
you all because you have the circle of friends that loves to
go out and drink wine together or come over each other's house.
So I always assume you're busy. That's my.
Assumption. That's not always the case.
Yeah, just assume and then you have your boyfriend, so I just
assume y'all are doing something together.
Yeah, so in. The week I, I, I don't know, for
whatever reason that the podcast seems to, I feel like it takes
up a lot of my time, but but it's more like headspace.
I think so too. You know.
Until the PowerPoint. And then I'm tired and then I
just go to bed or whatever. I don't, yeah, I mean, but then
there are weekends like this last weekend where I was out and
about the whole weekend and had to put myself to bed at like
8:00 PM. It was fun.
We will be right back.
Imagine a financial partner who meets you.
Exactly where you are. Acknowledging your grief.
And taking. The time to listen, empathize,
and truly understand what matters.
To you strategic? Investment management can help
you plan a course that honors your past while embracing your
future. Whether you're worried about tax
implications, paying off debt, or stewarding your asset
distributions, Roger's team can make a plan that's aligned with
your family's needs and goals. For more information.
Visit www.strategic. Im.com or give them a call at
512-341-9898. Again, that's 512-341-9898.
Tell them you heard about them on every widow.
Thing. All right, Well, we recently had
a podcast about our husband's ashes.
Sadly, Kira still can't get into the box.
Can you? We have.
To get in the. Box I'm working on.
I'm working on the box. The whole point is you want to
be able to do something with those ashes.
I came across a great website, itscalledspiritpieces.com and
what I love about it is that they give you a variety of
options. It's jewelry, it's glass art,
it's statues. You can do a ton of stuff with
ashes, and we all have quite a few ashes.
There's a lot in the box. Yeah.
There is a lot in the box. I like the paperweight idea.
And you know what's so great? And there's one that I'm
actually going to order. It's this heart paperweight and
it's beautiful. But what I love about the glass
art is that they have like hanging pieces and stuff.
And when the light hits it, it feels very heavenly.
That's so pretty, I know. So if you're interested, if this
is something that you would like for your own loved one,
spiritpieces.com forward slash every widow thing so they know
that you heard about it through us is a great option for for you
and for your loved one. We hope you check it out.
And now? Back to the show.
All right, so let's go back to favorite episodes.
Do you remember what your favorite?
Episode My favorite one was the episode with the means love
after loss. Whitney and I met them at the
Lionel Richie concert and they're so cute, so they came on
go. Get run over widower.
Yes, they met in their 70s like they lost their spouses.
They'd been married over 50 years.
They were close to 70s, right? Yeah, they were 14 years.
Now they've. Yeah, but they married their
spouses that died. They were over 50.
Years. They're so cute.
So cute. I was just thinking about them
today. We need to reach out to them.
But yeah, that's a great episode because it shows you that at any
age, you're ready and willing for love and sex.
So inspiring, I think, I think a lot of people when you lose your
spouse, like just your whole world drops out just to see
something, you know, inspiring like that.
Agreed. That there are a lot of
beautiful women in Austin, so it might be hard to find somebody,
according to one of. Our listeners.
Social media followers. Oh my gosh.
All right. What's your favorite Kira?
I really enjoyed the recent episode where we interviewed the
author, JJ Elliott. I enjoyed the book and the idea
of this whole not being able to say goodbye.
Not there was so much I didn't get to discuss with Frank
because it was just over in a minute.
And I really appreciated her take on that in her book.
And then talking with her about it, about how the friends
decided, you know, let's plan the funeral now so all the
things can be said in case something, in case something
happens. And we all know shit happens and
you're not ready and you didn't get to say goodbye.
And that was one of that's one of the hardest continues to be
one of the hardest things for me that I didn't really get that
last moment, many last moments with him and the kids didn't.
And we didn't get to say all the things that we wish we could
have said. Do you think you'll make this,
this 10 year mark kind of like a goodbye I.
Don't know. I'm trying to sort of see how
that evolved. I think we'll together as a
family and talk about what we want that to look like.
Yeah. And if we want to say some words
and maybe sprinkle some mashes if I.
Can get I can I can send you a link to the fireworks.
Maybe shoot. Them maybe?
Shoot them up the skies. We will look, probably, yeah,
I'll, I'll just talk to them about it and we'll make sure
everyone's on board. And I don't want to force
anything and I don't want to make it sad.
I'm going to do it on the actual date or you trying to figure
that out. Yes.
So the date is the 21st of June. It's always right around
Father's Day. And his birthday is also June.
So just like June is kind of the month and we're going to have
Brendan and I, we'll have our parents there for Father's Day,
our fathers. So it's still evolving, but
definitely trying to nail down all the kids and the family to
all be together. It's challenging these days,
right? So we've got that week kind of
blocked off. What's your favorite Lacey?
It's hard. There's it's between 2:00 one's
funny and it's the gross episode because that makes me laugh.
But the kids episode really hits home to me because that was my
main fear. When Oliver died.
He was only 6 and I was looking at, I sent you guys those
statistics. I love statistics.
I'm a weirdo, I know, but I like to know like because there's so
few of us that that lose a spouse when children are young.
I mean, even, I mean, six and below was a low statistic.
It was like 3%, something like that.
It's ridiculous. But the point was that people
could see that your kids are all right.
Just like that movie, the kids are all right.
I thought about that. That's the main thing, knowing
that he is OK and doing well and thriving.
And I've had so many people send notes about it through Messenger
and people that I'm not even friends with on Facebook through
Messenger. And then Holly, one of our
mutual friends, said something about, I can't believe her son
was on there because he's he's pretty.
Zach's pretty quiet. And I said he not only was on
it, he was happy to do it. He was there.
He was really able. To be on it and all of them were
so confident and it just made me feel better about all of it.
Even though this has been a terrible thing that's happened
to us. It didn't have to be everything,
you know? Yeah, it it, it's.
Not going to define our children either.
Yeah, they are. Proof positive that your
children will be OK, but air mask here first.
Air mask to your children and do those grief things and your kids
are going to be all right. And that's the main thing I
think people look to us for, don't you think?
Kind of. I do.
I think that's one of the things that, yeah, it's one of my
favorites too, because it's opening the door for these new
widows who don't know. They're not sure, am I doing it
right and is my kid going to be OK?
What's going to happen? And we've your children.
Mine weren't involved, sadly, but your children opened up the
door and gave them peace. I think because we didn't all
handle it the same way. Or always will.
Therapy. Some didn't, yeah.
Yeah, but they all said the same.
I mean they have the same message that they like their
lives and that they are happy. It made me feel so good because
my boys are are very quiet and, you know, kind of like me and I
was so grateful that they agreed to be on and I was happy with
what they said and contributed all of our kids.
And I could say for me, I didn't do it perfectly.
That's what I wanted the listeners to hear too.
I mean, please, I screwed up so much and writer and I've even
talked about that so many things that he may have seen or heard
that I wish. And he says that's that makes
you human. That's why I love talking to
Maggie's. That makes you human, mom.
I mean, you lost your best friend and your your husband.
Of course you're going to feel that way.
So I thought, wow, these kids are so evolved.
I know. A lot more than I would have
been at that age or was at that age, or even if they're.
Older, I think it's hard for when for it first happens and
you're going through it and it's like not only have your children
just lost a parent, they're also watching the other parent
struggle. And that was also something I
worried about with my kids that they had to watch me struggle.
And I did my very best. But I know I made mistakes and
I, you know, when I put my kids back in therapy when they were
kind of a little bit older, I gave them permission.
I said, you know this is your space to complain about me if
you want and things that maybe I didn't do perfectly.
There is no perfect and there's no like JJ Elliott says in her
book. There are no rules for this.
There's no wrong way. As long as you're doing your
best, you love your kids, you're trying to be the parent for them
that they need the most, and that's all you can do.
I'm proud of us for this last year.
We've worked really hard and we'll continue to work hard to
bring you guys more episodes. We're excited for this next
year. As long as you've listened to
one episode, you can go on Apple Podcast and rate and review.
And we need those reviews. So send a a review through Apple
Podcast. It helps us out tremendously.
If you're listening on another platform, I know that you can
rate US there. I'm not sure about reviews, but
share us, like us, review us, rate US, follow us on social
media and DM us. We love to hear from you and
we're here to help.