1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:05,080 This is every Widow thing. This episode is brought to you 2 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,960 in part by Meredith Schlosser, expert real estate agent in the 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,200 Los Angeles area. And whether you're looking to 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,720 sell or buy or want a great recommendation for agents all 5 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,800 over the world, she's got you. Welcome back to another episode 6 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,320 of Every Widow Thing. I'm very excited for our guest 7 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,120 today. It's Tiffany Rampy. 8 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:27,440 She's a fellow widow, and she also has an Instagram account 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,640 called Rebuilding Joy. And I came across her story and 10 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:36,680 was so interested because she took her grief journey on a real 11 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,560 journey. Thank you so much for taking the 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,400 time. I know you're super, super busy. 13 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,840 You've got three children or no. I'm sorry, I have three 14 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,320 children. You have two. 15 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,680 Kids, Two kids. She gave one on the trip. 16 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,760 That's right. I'm giving you one of mine I 17 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,120 want to jump right into because we are obviously every widow 18 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,360 thing. I want to just have you share a 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,680 little bit of your own widow story. 20 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,320 Yeah, So my husband and I were married for 14 years. 21 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,160 The kids were three and no, sorry, five and seven at the 22 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,200 time of his death. So he died very suddenly at the 23 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:15,680 beginning of COVID, not from COVID, but from acute 24 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:20,920 pancreatitis that just pretty much crept up out of nowhere. 25 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:26,240 And you know it was a a 24 hour turn around really from being 26 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:30,080 totally fine and having a lovely afternoon together into the 27 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,200 hospital and then getting that 3:00 AM call that you see in the 28 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:38,080 movies. You know those first few hours 29 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:42,560 you just do a lot of this cannot be my life and questioning every 30 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,200 single thing and what's going to happen and total shock and. 31 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,000 He was only, what, 39? He was 39. 32 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,280 I was 37 at the time. Yeah, we all have suffered from 33 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,200 the the sudden loss. All of our husbands died 34 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,320 suddenly and we were, you know, on the younger side with young 35 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,040 kids. So we definitely understand what 36 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,880 you were going through and it's it's been three years now. 37 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,639 It'll be four years in May, actually. 38 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:13,000 Oh wow, yeah. And how how was that first year 39 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,040 for you? Because I know what I think 40 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,120 about you from your Instagram stories and your your account 41 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,480 and you seem very brave and outgoing and take risks and want 42 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,400 to have fun and live life to the fullest. 43 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,800 Was that your response right away? 44 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,960 No, definitely not. I mean, you know, that first 45 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,040 year just felt like wading through mud in a puddle of my 46 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,320 own tears, sort of. Right. 47 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,520 I I. And you had a 5 and a 7 year 48 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,360 old, I mean that's so young. Oh yeah, there were very little. 49 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,800 I kept saying to myself, he's not going to be 5 forever. 50 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:52,200 He's not going to be 5 forever. He was very challenging and she 51 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,080 was too, you know, it's it was a hard time. 52 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,040 We had a really amazing support community. 53 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,760 So I know everybody doesn't have that, and I did, and so I'm 54 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,720 thankful for that. But you know, you just feel like 55 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,600 you can hardly breathe most of the time. 56 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:12,680 So when did it change? Because how did travel come in 57 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,400 for? So for people that don't know 58 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,760 Tiffany, her Instagram account has been following all of her 59 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,960 travel adventures and she has been inspiring a lot of people 60 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,440 to get out and travel solo with their children. 61 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:30,360 To put the widow aspect on it as well, I think just adds another 62 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,560 layer for a lot of people. You become frozen after 63 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,680 something like that and fearful. So can you talk a little bit 64 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,240 about how that came about and your healing process? 65 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,200 Yeah, well, like I said, my community was so amazing. 66 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:49,000 So I have this cousin who was at the time single and a little bit 67 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,840 in between things and she just said I'll come stay with you for 68 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,280 as long as you need me to. And I said yes, please come, but 69 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,000 let's go to Colorado. Like I just I I was sort of just 70 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,400 in full flight mode. So he died May of 2020, the 71 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,520 beginning of June. As soon as school let out, we 72 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:11,200 just drove cross country, stayed for about 3 weeks and you know, 73 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,200 just got away. And you also had the pandemic to 74 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,279 try to manage on top of that. That's crazy. 75 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,120 That's. Extra challenging? 76 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,399 Yeah, it was. Although I have to tell you, I 77 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:25,880 was sort of just like whatever, you know, like put on the masks, 78 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,760 sanitize your hands, We are going. 79 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,000 Right. Well, the great thing about 80 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,680 Colorado, we were in Colorado for about a month that summer 81 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:37,240 and it's people are outdoors, you're hiking, you're keeping 82 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,880 distance on the trail, but there's more opportunity to be 83 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,800 outside. Right. 84 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:45,760 In a way, the pandemic, I think, because one of my reactions was 85 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:51,080 just bring my little family in closer and you kind of had 86 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:55,000 permission, you know, without having to ask for permission 87 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,640 because people just weren't getting together. 88 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,680 They couldn't come over. And you know, Lacey was rolling 89 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,560 off her couch to try to avoid people coming by her house. 90 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,480 They were knocking on the door and she's like rolling away. 91 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,600 I'm. Crawling right? 92 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,000 You didn't really have to deal with any of that. 93 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,320 But it's true, Colorado. What? 94 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,600 What did you do then? We just did a lot of hiking you 95 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:23,560 know enjoying the outdoors but it just that just sort of 96 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:27,760 started something where even on the tiniest because this was 97 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:33,360 just like a month after I could just feel like OK that like 98 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,680 seeing the beauty in the world is helpful. 99 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,760 It's a reminder that even though I am in the total muck that 100 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,520 there, there are still beautiful things and I can't ignore them. 101 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,280 Right. So that really helped me. 102 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,840 And then the following summer I just said we're actually going 103 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,480 to leave for the whole summer and we did a huge round the 104 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,280 country road trip. We travelled about 6000 miles in 105 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,760 the car and. And you planned all that 106 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,400 yourself? I did. 107 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,080 I mean, you know, I grabbed people to come with us along the 108 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,640 way for some of the journey. So some of the legs, my parents 109 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,520 came, I had my brother-in-law came for some. 110 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,240 But really I was just like, this is something we had always done 111 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,640 as a family. I didn't want to stop and I knew 112 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:21,200 it was good for us to get away and to keep seeing the world. 113 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,440 But that just kind of kept spiraling and getting bigger and 114 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,200 bigger until I was like, let's just take the whole year and go 115 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,440 around the world. Right. 116 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,640 Which is so crazy. I get trip anxiety. 117 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,480 I had a little trip anxiety before my husband died. 118 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:41,400 But after he died, I really, you know, that controlling thing 119 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,720 tried to kick in and you can't control everything when you're 120 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,600 traveling, especially with kids. So it for me, it was more like, 121 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,320 Oh no, I'm not going to do any of that. 122 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,720 I would tack on with somebody else, like they were taking a 123 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,760 family trip and I'd be like, hey, you mind if we join in, you 124 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,600 know, So I didn't have to plan anything. 125 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,040 So to take that on is pretty impressive. 126 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,200 So what did your kids think about all of this travel because 127 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,720 the summer I can see, because everybody takes summer trips, 128 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:14,080 but like during the the world trip, leaving school? 129 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,400 And all of that and their friends and their routines. 130 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,960 Yeah, it started as summer, summer travel. 131 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,000 And so they were find that there were always contingencies like 132 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,440 mom, I want to be home by my birthday or I want to be home 133 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:28,560 for this event. So we kind of worked around that 134 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,840 and when the idea of the year off. 135 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:38,160 So the plan coming into this year is that my daughter was 136 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,360 going to be in 6th grade and my son in 3rd. 137 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,720 And so it just seems like sort of the last chance to be able to 138 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,000 do something like this. Like she was going into middle 139 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,720 school and I've been a fourth grade teacher most of my career, 140 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,560 so I was like, I can still handle 6th grade stuff. 141 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,600 Math, but actually. Yeah, just barely. 142 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,200 But you definitely. Have a leg up being an educator 143 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,400 because I wouldn't know how to do that. 144 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,480 No clue. Yeah, that's true. 145 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,440 But when I got the idea, and I'm kind of like the person, like 146 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,920 once the idea goes in my head, I just, I'm just like, let's just 147 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,600 go for it. So I tried to proposition it to 148 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,080 them like it was their idea. Oh, hilarious, I thought. 149 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:25,000 Teacher. I'm gonna take that in maybe a 150 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:25,440 little. Late. 151 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:30,360 I just told them I saw something amazing on Instagram today and I 152 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,120 was telling them about this other family who was travelling 153 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,280 and they were like, that's so cool. 154 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,960 And I was like, should we do that? 155 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,360 And they're like, yeah, Mom, can we? 156 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,240 And you're like you wouldn't be already packed. 157 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,080 Up at the corner, right? Yeah, you already packed up, so 158 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:44,920 let's go. What? 159 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,760 Were your friends and family saying because they had to? 160 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,720 I would think at least some people would be concerned and 161 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,760 worried that maybe you were making these big decisions in a 162 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,560 in a time in your life when you shouldn't be making any big 163 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:01,760 decisions. Yeah, I mean, I think because we 164 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,960 had been through, you know, at this time about almost three 165 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,400 years already of traveling and we had gone internationally, 166 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,880 just the three of us. And so it sort of proven that we 167 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,840 were capable of traveling, the three of us. 168 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,680 But mostly my parent, I mean, all my friends and everybody 169 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,400 else was like, this is so cool, Go, I'm proud of you. 170 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,600 My mom was like, don't go, don't go, don't go. 171 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:26,680 Right. My dad was more like talk me 172 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,920 through all of the safety precautions that you have 173 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,360 planned and make sure you register with the embassy. 174 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,800 You know, he was very practical. Oh wow. 175 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,000 I never. I never even thought about the 176 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,960 embassy. There's just so much plan like 177 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,800 healthcare, I kept thinking about that you can have those 178 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,760 plans that you can get through your healthcare system, but 179 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,320 every country so different and you went to some countries that 180 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,440 I don't know anything about. So I wouldn't even know if 181 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,760 someone got sick. Where what? 182 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,160 What would I do? Did anybody get sick on any of 183 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,080 the trips? We were very, very fortunate. 184 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,280 The only sickness we had was a migraine headache. 185 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,840 And I mean, and maybe that was my daughter who was like. 186 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,240 Ours that are rambling around the world with your children. 187 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,320 Would think. Is it scary going into different 188 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:15,440 countries with the language barrier and just, you know, as a 189 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,360 single mom with your kids? Yeah. 190 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,520 So the previous, so last summer in the summer of 20. 191 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:28,120 Let's see, what year is it now, 24. 24 We don't know exactly. 192 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,760 We still claim widow brain, yeah? 193 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,480 Let me start over, you can edit that up. 194 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,840 OK. So last summer in 2022 we 195 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,800 travelled to Spain and Portugal and did like a month long road 196 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,480 trip there and that was sort of my tester to see you know, how 197 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:48,000 is it travelling internationally with the kids also personally I 198 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,000 had travelled to Honduras several times when I was in my 199 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,640 20s, so I was familiar with Central America. 200 00:10:54,640 --> 00:11:00,040 I speak a pretty good amount of Spanish and I don't have a lot 201 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,280 of fear. I just don't carry a lot of fear 202 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,760 as a human, so and. That I'm shocked. 203 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,480 That didn't change after, because you know, for a lot of 204 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,640 people, when your husband dies, suddenly there becomes this idea 205 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,840 that something bad could happen at any moment. 206 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,760 I'm actually really impressed by that, the fact that you didn't, 207 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,800 because trauma usually does rewire the brain and fear gets 208 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,720 introduced. So that I want to know your 209 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,080 secret. I I I don't have a secret. 210 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:33,640 I just feel like for me it worked out like we were living 211 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:40,360 life in a quote UN quote Safeway and he died and I had 0 control 212 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,400 over that. And so if I was going to then 213 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,480 live in fear that all of my loved ones could die any moment, 214 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,200 I might as well make the most of every day and go out and take 215 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,400 hold of it. And that's just kind of what I 216 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,400 would have been driven by, I think, since he died. 217 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,080 Was there any moment on a trip when you did think you were 218 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,480 going to die? No. 219 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,040 What about the laptop situation? Like those kind of things? 220 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,800 I don't know. I do have fears from trauma, so 221 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,600 I'm learning from you because I would really like to be able to 222 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,880 change that that dialogue in my head and the when the thing 223 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,400 happened with the computer, that would just be like, OK, of 224 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,080 course that happens. Everybody tells you be careful 225 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,160 in Rio. So what happened in Rio is we 226 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,080 had an overnight flight into the city and then we arrived at 227 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,320 like, you know, 6:00 AM or something, got picked up by an 228 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,280 Uber cause. In theory, Uber's safer 'cause. 229 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,280 It's like vetted and, you know, reviews and everything. 230 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,360 But we were so tired and the airport in Rio is an hour from 231 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,120 where we were staying in Copacabana. 232 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,920 So we. All sing the song the. 233 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:51,880 Whole time I was there, I know. So we were sitting in the in the 234 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,440 cab and I had my backpack between my legs. 235 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,600 But I was in the middle and the kids were on either side of me 236 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,960 and we were all just like sleeping. 237 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,280 And I think the cab driver just reached in my backpack and that. 238 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:06,880 Is crazy. And and I wasn't afraid. 239 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,440 I was just like, oh, that was so stupid. 240 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,280 I knew to be more careful in Reno and I fell asleep and it 241 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,360 was right there. So I just, you know, I wasn't 242 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,520 more afraid for my life because of that. 243 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,960 I was like, this is the petty theft that everybody told me 244 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,520 about and I wasn't cautious enough. 245 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,080 And then what do you do? Cuz it's not like, I mean, maybe 246 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,000 there is an Apple store or something and you just walk over 247 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,600 and pick up a new one. But this is also what you do. 248 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,240 You have an Instagram, so that's a big part of your quote job. 249 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,600 I just only did work I could do on my phone for the next 4 weeks 250 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,520 until I got home for the holidays and then I repurchased 251 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,600 Oh my God, it was more of a oh crap moment. 252 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:51,640 Like I just wasted $2000, right? Hey guys, Whitney here and I'm 253 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,920 about to share some information with you that can make a very 254 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,200 stressful situation super, super easy. 255 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,640 Talking about buying or selling a home, I have the perfect 256 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,000 realtor for you. Her name is Meredith Slauser. 257 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,800 She's a real estate agent based out of LA, but she has teams all 258 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,680 over the world. So if you're not in the LA area, 259 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:13,440 you can still give Meredith a call and she can put you in the 260 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,240 hands of an expert. Here's the deal, all right? 261 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,120 You want to work with someone who is knowledgeable, dedicated, 262 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,560 trustworthy, and also a good person. 263 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,400 You're going to be spending a lot of time with him. 264 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,400 I was able to work with Meredith when Hunter and I were moving to 265 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,920 Austin. She handled every portion of the 266 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,240 sale of our home client. Satisfaction takes precedent 267 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,720 over the transaction, if you know what I mean. 268 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,040 Her website is Meredith slaucer.com. 269 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,200 Her info will be up on our every Widow thing, Instagram highlight 270 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,320 reel under sponsors. And if you do end up calling 271 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,520 Meredith or reaching out to her, please let her know that you 272 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,320 heard it here on every Widow thing. 273 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,720 And now back to the episode. I don't. 274 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,640 I know. We've talked about it on our 275 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:57,480 podcast that when we return from Trips and you don't have your 276 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,000 husband, coming back into the home was always a little 277 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,160 daunting to me, so I liked being gone. 278 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,200 Any chance I could be gone, I would take it. 279 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:09,600 Think Kira definitely had that way in the world too, but how 280 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,680 did you feel when you would return from those? 281 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,400 Trips. Yeah, for a long time that was 282 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,600 really hard. Even like going to the park and 283 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,480 coming home at the beginning, I remember being hard. 284 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,520 Yes, big huge trip let down. And like, you know, it's like 285 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,800 reopening A wound when you walk in the door and you're like, 286 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,400 he's supposed to be here. He's still not here. 287 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,040 Like your brain expects it that he's going to be there. 288 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,960 I'd say that lasted probably until we came back from Spain, 289 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,040 so until we went on our big, big trip. 290 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,680 And then once we had come back from then from that trip, I was 291 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,440 in another relationship and so I had another human who I was 292 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,800 expecting to see and waiting. Yeah. 293 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,840 So we hear congratulations are in order that you recently 294 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,040 engaged and we're all just awesome. 295 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:03,600 Like, how did you manage dating and beginning a new relationship 296 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,240 in the middle of all of your travel adventures and 297 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,600 homeschooling your kids or? The the question in and of 298 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,040 itself, which lends to like there's too much going on there 299 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:17,920 is ended up being why we came home early because the travels 300 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,680 were amazing and wonderful and super hard, but really was like 301 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,800 so hard to maintain a healthy relationship while on the other 302 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,320 side of the world. But he and I actually started 303 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,280 dating just about a year after my husband passed. 304 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,800 And I don't know if you all know this, but I host a podcast 305 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,920 called Dating After Death. Yeah, you do. 306 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,040 So how did you guys meet? We met on Hinge. 307 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,360 So did my fiance plug for Hinge I. 308 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,160 Guess I could get. On hinge. 309 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,880 Hinge is where it's at, ladies. Yeah. 310 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,480 So how long did you how long did it take before you knew he was 311 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,040 like your? Person oh gosh. 312 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,880 I mean, there was a lot of, there's a lot of up and down. 313 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:05,560 I think the answer to that is more in like if if you really 314 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,800 want to know all the roller coaster of it, you could listen 315 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,160 through the seasons of that that show. 316 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,520 But it's just so complicated. Those of you who have done it or 317 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:19,839 are doing it like dating after losing your spouse is is mind 318 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:24,079 boggling sort of. I would say we were both very 319 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:26,880 committed. I think being away and having 320 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,600 this time where where I was gone, gone made us really 321 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,400 realize like, Oh no, we want this every day, all the time. 322 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,960 And when I came home for Christmas just a few months ago, 323 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,000 we I decided like this has been enough. 324 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,240 We miss each other. It's time to, like, commit to 325 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,120 this instead of some arbitrary goal of making it around the 326 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,840 world and hitting a certain amount of countries right. 327 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,360 But you did, you did go around the world and how many 328 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,280 countries? How many countries? 329 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,600 Nine or something. Like that Nine. 330 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,640 Yeah. Including one that I went to 331 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,880 just by myself, but yeah. That's incredible. 332 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,880 So back to the Instagram. One of the things that resonated 333 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,480 with me a lot, because I traveled a lot too. 334 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,440 I had huge escapism. In fact when I was, I was 335 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,400 injured in the car accident that took my husband and I was in the 336 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,480 hospital for weeks and weeks and on a lot of medication. 337 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:23,280 And I had all these delusions of moving to Hawaii, which I had 338 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,120 never visited. And I was telling people all 339 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,600 these things when I was on drugs in the hospital that like I was 340 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,760 going to just run, take the kids and just vanish off the face of 341 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,200 the earth and just run away. So I'd. 342 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,960 I get that desire so much really resonate with that whole like 343 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:42,080 fight or flight and just kind of feeling better when you're away. 344 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,640 But one of the things that I also experienced was when I was 345 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,280 in a beautiful place that reminded me of my husband. 346 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,240 It was almost like a religious experience where I was feeling 347 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,200 close to him, like standing on a beach or in a mountain. 348 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:02,880 And you mentioned in your Instagram, I don't have the 349 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,240 quote in front of me, but it was something really beautiful about 350 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,720 how it started as running away from the pain. 351 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,000 And then in the end you realize that you were bringing him with 352 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,520 you, which I thought was really touching and moving. 353 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,360 Yeah, I have that same experience. 354 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,400 I think that's why for for so long I went to the sunrise every 355 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,240 morning or most mornings because we were living by the lake and I 356 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:31,280 could just pop over there and it was like I sat there and 357 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,600 watching the sunrise I felt like I was getting this little 358 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,480 glimpse of heaven and I feel like it was a way to sort of 359 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,480 spend time with him. And you know that was my also my 360 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:44,520 time to spend with God and I just it it felt very enriching 361 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,160 right. And just like again about the 362 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,200 beautiful things. You know it's it just it's also 363 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,160 sort of puts things in perspective right to see the 364 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,800 rest of the world and how so many people are dealing with so 365 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,960 many large challenges and. You know, and there's this 366 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,040 endless world to explore and to see. 367 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,480 And I don't know, for me, it made me feel like I don't want 368 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,800 to under undersell the difficulty of widowhood, right? 369 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:17,080 But like, for me, I really put it in perspective like, OK, lots 370 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,080 of people are going through challenging things and we are. 371 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,680 We're going to make it. We're a big world out there, 372 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,920 yeah. Well, and I love that you're 373 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,680 you're dressing. I mean, look, it's not like 374 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,480 you're healed and, you know, everything's happy and you're 375 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,000 getting remarried and we're a new family. 376 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,480 I mean, you're still, you still have your days. 377 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,520 And I would imagine I had a lot more days when I was travelling 378 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:46,240 with my kids by myself, you know, because there wasn't my 379 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,160 husband there. I mean, I got cussed out in the 380 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:54,520 Louvre by one of my kids. You know, how were the kids with 381 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:59,840 all of this travel and being away from their what they know? 382 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,880 Because was it you, Lacey, that said something? 383 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,200 Yeah, my son is an introvert and he's, well, he's in college now 384 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,960 in London, so he's having to get over it. 385 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,880 But he didn't like change. And so the therapist that I had 386 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,360 said you're going to have to be very different than because I 387 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,960 like to escape. I wanted to go all the time, but 388 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,960 he was not going to thrive in that environment at all. 389 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:24,120 So I had to be more grounded and be home a lot more. 390 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,000 I just wondered how your kids were, what their personalities 391 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:33,160 were like. I think the experience of 392 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:38,040 traveling full time was a lot harder than I thought it was 393 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,040 going to be. Like I I even remember hearing 394 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,000 some travel families say like, oh, those were the best years of 395 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,480 our life, but they were the hardest. 396 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,240 And I remember thinking like, what could be so hard? 397 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,320 Oh, happening all over the place. 398 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,240 Like, seeing the world sounds amazing. 399 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:58,840 And really, I think it was, it was them genuinely missing their 400 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,200 friends. And then the only way they could 401 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,680 miss their friends was like, by talking online. 402 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,920 And then I felt guilty, 'cause they were on their devices and I 403 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,880 was like, we're in Ecuador, get off your screen, you know? 404 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,440 But they were like, but that's where my friends are, you know? 405 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:17,720 So there was a really hard push and pull between like 406 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,240 remembering this wasn't vacation and they still needed their 407 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,840 social outlet and we still wanted to see the places we 408 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,880 were, but not like at vacation speed. 409 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,320 It was just. How long did you stay in each 410 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,880 spot? Yeah, it kind of varied. 411 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,200 So Ecuador, we stayed the longest. 412 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,160 We were there for a month. Most other places we were there 413 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:45,440 two to three weeks. But there were some other things 414 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:51,360 I just didn't really plan well, Like Ecuador was probably our 415 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,920 hardest month. And I think we were in this 416 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:58,400 apartment building, and it was filled with sort of retired 417 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,840 expats, American expats who did not want children in their 418 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,560 building. And even though we were very 419 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,920 respectful and quiet, there were like, complaints because my kids 420 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,240 were hanging out on the rooftop deck by themselves. 421 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,120 And, you know, they're 11:00 and 9:00. 422 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,880 It's not like they're causing commotion. 423 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,880 But so I was like, OK, they have nowhere to go outside. 424 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,000 They need to talk to their friends. 425 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,480 There are no toys here. I can't just let them wander in 426 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,160 the city, you know? So that part, it was just very, 427 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,760 it was challenging. And I think it's not really 428 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,040 natural to spend that much time with your kids. 429 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,000 Right, right. Yeah. 430 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,360 Even now with my big kids, so mine are what are they? 431 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:46,000 They're 2018 and 14. We just did a Costa Rica 910 432 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,640 days at the holidays and that was plenty. 433 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:53,240 And then they want to get home. They want to see the dogs, they 434 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,240 want to see their friends, They want to get their space from 435 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,320 their siblings. I think one thing that happens 436 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,200 when you're widowed, when you lose your spouse is you get real 437 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,000 close, real fast with your kids. I mean, my kids and I, we are 438 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:10,920 tight because we went through this horrific thing together and 439 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:15,520 we miss this person together and you get really close with them, 440 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,080 but they definitely, they definitely need their space and 441 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,920 the friend piece I would think would be and that would have 442 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:27,240 been hard being away like that. Like we are close but almost too 443 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:31,440 much like to the point where I especially when we came back and 444 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,400 over the holidays and everything, I was just realizing 445 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,640 like they are too dependent on on my pension. 446 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,360 And you know my son is very chatty and he is used to having 447 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,640 happy audience at all times. But you know I'm like you you 448 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,600 first of all you can't have my attention all the time. 449 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,760 Like when when then my fiance comes into the picture. 450 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,840 It's hard for him, for my kids to share my attention And I'm 451 00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:00,800 like, no, we need to like find sort of a share, share each 452 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,320 other situation here. That makes a lot of sense. 453 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,920 My fiance has a daughter and she's an only child of divorced 454 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,120 parents and so it's she's used to I think having a lot more 455 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:15,480 focus on her and her needs met or mine like basically raised 456 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,960 themselves after my husband died. 457 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,960 I was like I don't have time for that or the energy no. 458 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,640 But it is just a different dynamic when they're used to 459 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,960 having more attention and like needing and then you bring you 460 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,360 know I I sometimes try to figure out where my role is with with 461 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:33,040 her and her dad right. Like, she's super, super close 462 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:37,480 with her dad and likes to have a lot of his attention and energy, 463 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,120 which I appreciate. But yeah, you have to find a 464 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,000 balance. We're trying to figure that out 465 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,480 now like he's doing a little acting out I think because he 466 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,640 has to share my attention. So we're trying to figure out, 467 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,200 right, like, OK, how much one-on-one time do I give him 468 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:55,240 every day so he feels satisfied that the rest of the time he has 469 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,720 to share me and. I have a question about the 470 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:02,640 relationship side of it because I we've all dated and the thing 471 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,640 that I and we have one that's engaged obviously in the group, 472 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,640 but it's hard to. I talked to a widower friend of 473 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:13,000 mine who's remarried and he said that it's hard in that situation 474 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:18,960 because you want to be able to honor your past but also not 475 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,680 alienate the person in your present. 476 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,880 It's a fine, you know, dance there. 477 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,000 So how do you manage all of that? 478 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:33,960 I think to his credit really knows the importance of of my 479 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,200 late husband. Mike's like legacy and and it's 480 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,080 part of my story, but in my kids life too. 481 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,920 Yeah. I also will say, you know, it's 482 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,400 not like I talk about Mike all the time because I think there's 483 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,480 a certain level of respect for him, right? 484 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,760 Where I if I'm telling a story that Mike was involved in, I 485 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,680 never would shy away from saying, oh, we did this and we 486 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,880 went there and this was a place of ours. 487 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,240 But like he had, he doesn't. My my fiance, who? 488 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,800 Actually, this is news, but we actually just got married this 489 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,600 past weekend, 'cause we're about to move in to. 490 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,000 Congratulations. Thank you. 491 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,840 So we just did a small wedding here. 492 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:22,280 First started here first, yeah. But so my now husband, he, you 493 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,720 know, there's nothing in him that feels like jealous of my 494 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,360 relationship with Mike. You know, he knew it was 495 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,480 beautiful. I think he recognizes it's part 496 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,280 of who I am and who we are as a family. 497 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,000 Does he have a brother? I was just going to say. 498 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,200 That. Because we're single. 499 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,440 We're like, he sounds amazing, yeah. 500 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,840 He does. I have found that it's so 501 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,200 important, like as the relationship, as my relationship 502 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,680 became more serious and there was more foundation built and 503 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,360 more trust there that, yeah, the same thing. 504 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,360 Like they're, they welcome it just like any other piece of 505 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:57,440 your history. And you don't want to be 506 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,120 tiptoeing around your partner. Like, oh, can I, can I talk 507 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,920 about Frank? Can I tell that story? 508 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,960 I was just in New York City this past weekend with Brendan, with 509 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,960 my fiance and a bunch of my husband's friends from Graduate 510 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,440 School at a party. And it was a blast. 511 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,200 And they were in that moment, in that magical evening, they were 512 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,680 both honoring. You're talking to me about 513 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,200 stories from from Business School about Frank. 514 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,400 And then they were also like, Oh my gosh, we love Brendan, He's 515 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,800 awesome. And it was sort of like the 516 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,720 world's Clyde and it was a really special moment for me. 517 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,040 My mother-in-law, my, my late husband's mother, she was at the 518 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,640 wedding yesterday or on Monday, like she was one of like 40 519 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,600 guests, right? Because we've stayed close and 520 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,640 everybody just knows that this is, you know? 521 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,600 Well, and they want you to be happy. 522 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,880 I mean you know your your in laws that's incredible where 523 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,200 you're. I'm assuming your kids were 524 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,840 there. Oh yeah, of course. 525 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,360 It was not a surprise to them, right? 526 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,200 I think that's really cool that your mother, your mother-in-law 527 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,400 was there because that's, I mean, this was her son and it's, 528 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:09,280 I can't imagine losing a child. So I put myself in thinking 529 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,640 about her and that's just very cool and supported that. 530 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,880 She wants to see you happy again. 531 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,360 That's really neat. So back to the travel, because 532 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:22,760 so you have the dating podcast, then you have the Travelling 533 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:29,080 around the world, Instagram, and then you also have a new 534 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,680 venture, or I don't know how new IT is called Widows in the Wild, 535 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,040 which sounds really fun. Tell us a little bit about that. 536 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,960 Yeah. So the first widows in the wild, 537 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:46,440 actually we went to Costa Rica in April of 2023 and it was 538 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,480 just, it was really just like I had heard on Instagram, people 539 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,640 were traveling in groups and and I hosted this one through dating 540 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,640 after death when I was still in an anonymous entity. 541 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:01,920 But it's people were so hungry to travel with somebody, you 542 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,680 know, because when you usually travel with your spouse, right. 543 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,480 And then when you lose them, it's like, oh, I still want to 544 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,240 go, but I don't want to go alone. 545 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:14,360 So I I launched this trip anonymously and it booked up 546 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:21,000 very quickly and just had such an amazing time on that trip. 547 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,920 You know, those girls and I all still talk on WhatsApp regularly 548 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,960 and, you know, share each other's wins and frustrations 549 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,600 and all of that. So then I, I don't know if 550 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,320 you're familiar with Dana Frost. She's at the Forest Joy Project. 551 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,640 She and I both have a real love for travel and she was on the 552 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,720 Costa Rica trip and we got to talking and just said, like, 553 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,000 let's do this together. Let's let's host as many trips 554 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,400 as we can and get them around the world and hopefully do some 555 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,280 in the States and some internationally. 556 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:55,360 And that's amazing. So we're about to do 2 trips to 557 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,920 Bali 2 back-to-back weeks because the first one sold out 558 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,360 in like 6 hours. Oh wow, how many spots are these 559 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:05,120 trips usually? The Bali trip kept out at 20 I 560 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,400 think, and then this summer we have a trip to Italy that was 561 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,320 kept out at 24. Is it just all widows or are 562 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:18,000 there widowers included also? Yeah, so we opened up the so 563 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,000 Costa Rica was only women and we opened up this one to anybody in 564 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,480 the community who wanted to come and we have like 2 guys signed 565 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,560 up, so. Well, they're smart. 566 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,360 They have a bunch of little ladies then. 567 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,080 I was going to ask that, yeah. Yeah, I think the Italy trip, we 568 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:36,200 have one one brave man coming. So the beauty is it's organized 569 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:40,440 through an organization called Trova Trip and they do all of 570 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,680 the itinerary planning. So I just put a out, Dana and I 571 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,880 will put out a survey to the community and say you know where 572 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,520 do you want to go, when are you available, how long, what's your 573 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,040 budget? And then we try to pick based on 574 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,280 what the community wants. And so pretty soon I think we'll 575 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,960 be looking at 2025 and getting new dates on the calendar and 576 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:02,920 opening up trips soon. So it just is a really 577 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,520 fulfilling thing for all I think that would be involved. 578 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,000 And I can't remember were you this? 579 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,400 Were you also considering doing something where it's with the 580 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,000 families, like the moms and? Children really want to. 581 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,520 That's kind of like the next arm of the business I'd like to 582 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,280 start is sort of like a pop up hubs that could be hosted by 583 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:28,080 different people that would welcome families in and yeah, so 584 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,880 I'm sort of envisioning how to facilitate that. 585 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:36,600 I'm sure a lot of listeners want to know how you just took up and 586 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:40,040 travelled around the world, and maybe you can share some of your 587 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,280 favorite travel tips. Yeah. 588 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:47,120 How did you afford to do this? Yeah, so on the practical side, 589 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,960 so my husband worked in finance, he had a corporate job and so he 590 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,840 paid the maximum into Social Security, which means I get the 591 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,320 kids get the maximum survivors benefits. 592 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,880 So the amount of money I get in every month from Social Security 593 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,320 is not a small amount. It covers my mortgage and 594 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,720 probably my car payment. That is obviously a ton of 595 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:14,240 security for me. So I planned to I set up my 596 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,840 house for Airbnb, which was not a small thing, if anybody's 597 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,400 thinking of doing that. Was one of my questions all 598 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,120 about Airbnb and? It is so much work. 599 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,800 Well, how did your kids feel about that? 600 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,280 They were fine because they knew. 601 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,440 They knew we weren't selling the house right. 602 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,880 They knew it was still ours and even still we've we've now 603 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:40,600 purchased a house with my husband and we are moving and 604 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,320 so, but I still haven't sold the old house. 605 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,000 We're going to just continue to rent it out. 606 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,280 So while you're on these trips, you're Airbnb ING it. 607 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:52,400 I hired a property manager so I am hands off with the house. 608 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,440 So once like it was set that's it. 609 00:33:55,720 --> 00:34:00,680 He does everything. So that money really covered 610 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,080 sort of the house expenses. So now the Social Security 611 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:07,520 money's helping with income. So in addition I like I have a 612 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,280 few side hustles right? Like the podcast brings in a 613 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,560 little bit of money and I do this work with travel freely to 614 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,199 help people with like affordable travel and how to use the points 615 00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:20,120 and miles system to travel for like which. 616 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,679 Is very overwhelming. Can can be you know the place. 617 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,400 I've been doing some consulting just with individual people 618 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,560 about how to sort of. Work the travel points. 619 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,320 Navigate. That's right. 620 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,719 That's right. No, but like a little side 621 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:38,159 hustles, but I will also say just because I think it's only 622 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,880 fair that we did have life insurance. 623 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:46,560 And so there was a large lump sum payout, which I was not 624 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,760 using for this, but of course gave me a safety net that I 625 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,080 don't know if I didn't have that, if I would have been 626 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:57,040 willing to take the risk to. Do you have mentioned before 627 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,760 about using your credit card points? 628 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:02,960 Can you talk a little bit about how that has helped you with 629 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,840 these adventures? Oh yeah, yeah, for sure. 630 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,440 Basically the system works in that you sign up for. 631 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,920 So there's like a few essential criteria, Like you shouldn't 632 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,800 have any debt, you should be able to pay off every month and 633 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,040 you should have a good credit score like above 700. 634 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:23,760 And if those things are in line, then you sign up for a new 635 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:29,120 credit card with a good bonus offer and they offer you points 636 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,280 that go into this bank system, right? 637 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,520 So let's say you signed up for Capital One's card. 638 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,920 Maybe it has an annual fee that can be offset in certain ways. 639 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,720 And if you spend $4000 / 3 months, which when you think of 640 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,240 it isn't really that much money if. 641 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:47,440 You're putting everything on there for a. $100 a month? 642 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,520 Yeah. Then just in regular spending, 643 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,600 so not like extra money. Then they'll give you 60,000 644 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,800 points into their into their bank right of points. 645 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,960 Those points can be transferred to lots of different airlines or 646 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:06,320 hotel brands, and they can be used for travel. 647 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:10,680 And it's through that credit cards travel benefits. 648 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,480 So you're doing it all through the credit card? 649 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,760 You can, you can book all through the all through Capital 650 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,200 One. They have a search engine just 651 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,520 like Expedia or whatever. Or you can take those points and 652 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:26,480 say I'm going to send these to Air France and I'm going to fly 653 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:30,720 round trip to Europe for, I don't know, it varies, right. 654 00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:35,400 But maybe I'll fly round trip to Europe for 45,000 points, right? 655 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,240 Right. So in that one credit card where 656 00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:40,560 you've gotten these points, you've now you now have a free 657 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,520 round trip tip ticket to Europe. In the first year that I did 658 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,680 this, I probably took about I think legs of flights. 659 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,640 I took like 12 legs of flights and it ended up being like $25 660 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:54,600 per leg because I was using all these points and miles to to 661 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,960 fly. So the goal was to accrue enough 662 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:02,720 points to get around the world for, you know, maybe a few $1000 663 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:08,720 each and it was it was doable. I haven't totally crunched the 664 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:12,640 numbers yet, but I think we're at a under $2000 each to travel 665 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,960 for six months around the world. Wow. 666 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:17,080 I don't even know how you did that. 667 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,600 My brain explodes. Just there must not be a 668 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,120 Starbucks anywhere. You can 'cause my kids can drop 669 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,760 that at Starbucks like in a weekend. 670 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,520 No, no, no, that's I just mean for flights, not like 671 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,400 everything. That was just I really love the 672 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,960 planning portion like, you know, searching and finding the best 673 00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:39,040 deals every once in a while. I like open slots of card 674 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:42,440 consultations, just for free. So like, you know, I'll meet 675 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,640 with people and tell them, like here's the best card to sign up 676 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,840 for now. And you know, because I'm an 677 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,160 affiliate with Travel Freely, I get a tiny kickback. 678 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,800 But it's totally free to you, so. 679 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,600 Yeah. And you offer people I I know on 680 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,880 your Instagram, which is rebuilding joy rebuilding dot 681 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,800 joy. You can. 682 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:05,840 I got a little one sheet that was very easy to understand and 683 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,680 this is probably this is an easy card to start with and don't 684 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,320 forget this And so you can definitely get some free 685 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,400 information from Tiffany, which is very, very kind of you 686 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,920 because it is overwhelming. If you want to send Adm and just 687 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,560 ask for the the travel guide, I'd be happy to send it over. 688 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:25,480 The travel guide. All right, a couple of quick 689 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:27,600 questions. I mean, you know, quick. 690 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,360 But as a widow, what, what advice would you give to a new 691 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,400 widow that's just starting their journey? 692 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,920 What have you learned in your short amount of time as a widow? 693 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,200 I think two major things. One is take as much time off 694 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,760 from work as you can there if if you're financially able. 695 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,800 For me it was really, I mean I was a classroom teacher so it's 696 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,160 insanely overwhelming to try to do that and probably not a great 697 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,760 idea. But I think a lot of things 698 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:59,280 change in your head and and what you enjoy and what you are 699 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,880 passionate about and you need time to figure that out. 700 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,400 And the second big thing I would say is say yes to all the help 701 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,280 that's offered and don't be afraid to ask for help. 702 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,800 People want to help. What advice would you give 703 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,240 someone new to traveling with their kids solo? 704 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,600 What? Do we need to do? 705 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:20,200 I think, I think it's a really good idea to travel somewhere 706 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,160 you're familiar with first and kind of work your way into 707 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,920 something that might be a little bit more of a risk. 708 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:33,880 I would also say that the unknown is scary, but usually 709 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,200 once you arrive, like do your research, know where you're 710 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,200 going and how to get around and the safety of places and but 711 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:44,040 like once you arrive you realize like, oh, this is just another 712 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,280 place in the world and it's not scary, it's just different. 713 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,800 Right. It's such a good lesson for the 714 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,880 kids, too. A lot of people ask me about the 715 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,840 language barrier and I just feel like because of it's the day and 716 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,880 age we live in, there just isn't a language barrier in the world. 717 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,920 Like Google Translate, it solves everything. 718 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,400 What was your favorite place, your best experience that you 719 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,080 would like to go back to? So if I had to pick a place to 720 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,480 go back to tomorrow, I'd probably go back to this little 721 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:21,560 town in Brazil called Itakare. It's like a few hour flight from 722 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,320 from anywhere really in in Brazil. 723 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:30,160 But it was just this tiny little town with no chain anything. 724 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,400 It was like a surf town and you could walk everywhere and I 725 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,920 could give my kids money and say go to the grocery store with 726 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,720 this list. And they went by themselves at 727 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:43,720 11 and nine years old. And it just, and it's filled 728 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:46,880 with like music and dance and capoeira and the beach and the 729 00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,720 sunset and it's sort of like very. 730 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:53,440 Magical. One last question that I have. 731 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:58,120 To me, I've I feel like I'm seeing a lot of blessings that 732 00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,480 have come out of this trauma, and I just wanted to know your 733 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,960 thoughts on that. Yeah, I think, you know, we kind 734 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,960 of tiptoe around that, right? Because we don't want it to seem 735 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,840 like there's a silver lining. The biggest thing immediately 736 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:14,200 for me was just the love and generosity of people, you know? 737 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:19,240 I mean, people rushed to our side and even the people who say 738 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:22,320 let me know what I can do to help, like I've never been a 739 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:26,280 cynical person in response to that that 'cause I know they 740 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:29,120 really do want to help and we don't know what to say as a 741 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,800 society, right? So yeah, it's sort of annoying 742 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,240 and you want them to be specific and just do it. 743 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:39,200 But it also I'm just like everybody is desperate to help 744 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:44,920 and I did not find that after a year my support went away. 745 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:49,120 I felt like people maybe because I'm very vocal about what I need 746 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,520 and I asked for help and still continue to. 747 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:56,400 Sometimes people showed up, you know, and my relationships with 748 00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:00,640 my girlfriends really deepened. My husband and I were sort of 749 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:06,600 like each other's everything. And after, after he died, I just 750 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,320 like my friendships developed so beautifully. 751 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,720 And yeah, I think there's been a lot. 752 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:16,400 There have been a lot of really beautiful things in life since 753 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,040 his death. Yeah. 754 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,240 Do you get signs from him? Are you do you hear, hear. 755 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,800 Sometimes I'll hear, you know, just in my own head, like my my 756 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,120 husband, given his opinion on some things. 757 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,720 I what? Early on, I felt that a lot. 758 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,640 Most recently I was actually just recently I was at church 759 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:39,840 and I had this vision like, I don't this doesn't happen for me 760 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,240 a lot, but I'm going to share it anyway. 761 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:45,640 I had this vision of thinking about Mike in heaven and then 762 00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:51,400 thinking about when my now new husband arrived in heaven, like 763 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,600 he and I together and I just hugging him and saying like. 764 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,160 Thank you for taking. Care of her and for loving her 765 00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,760 and. That now you're going to make me 766 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:00,720 cry. That was awesome. 767 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,440 That was awesome. Yes, that's a beautiful vision 768 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:08,280 and I had 100% believe that that, that that will be true. 769 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,160 I liked her trauma response. I'm going to take that with me 770 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,680 today to people. No Fear. 771 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,040 Yeah, No Fear. Thank you so much, Tiffany 772 00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:19,040 again. If you'd like to follow Tiffany 773 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,840 and her amazing journey, she's got two Instagram accounts, 774 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,560 rebuilding dot joy and dating after death. 775 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,080 Go in and check out what is in the wild. 776 00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,360 You might have four people trying to get in on that next 777 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:35,200 trip. And congratulations to you on 778 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,440 your new relationship and everything that you've done to 779 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,240 keep going. Very inspiring. 780 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:41,360 Thank you so much.