1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,700 You found us. I'm so glad you did. 2 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:06,900 But I am sorry that you had to. Who are we? 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,800 I'll tell you what. We're not. 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,400 We're not old. We're not boring, and we're not 5 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,600 giving up. So come on into our widows 6 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,900 Circle. Where trauma meets humor and we 7 00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:19,700 remind you that you can not only survive. 8 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:24,400 But Thrive, this is every Widow thing. 9 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:28,800 Welcome to this episode of Every Widow thing. 10 00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:31,700 My name is Whitney Yeah, and there are three other widows 11 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,600 here. Introduce yourselves. 12 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,500 I'm Kira. I'm Holly, I'm Lacey. 13 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:37,900 We're not going to do that every time. 14 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,200 It's sometimes I feel like it's important because with four 15 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:43,500 voices, you know, you know, which one is yours. 16 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:48,800 It can get mixed up today, we thought we would mix it up a 17 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,800 little bit. Most of our themes are heavy 18 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,200 because we're talking about death and it can get very heavy. 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,500 So we decided that for this episode, we're going to try to 20 00:00:57,500 --> 00:01:01,700 keep it light and then you go to What's light about being a 21 00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,700 widow, there ain't much to talk about. 22 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:08,600 But one of the things that I love to talk about are the signs 23 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:13,500 that I get from my husband. So we thought it might be fun to 24 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:19,200 talk a little bit about the idea of messages from the other side, 25 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:23,100 from specifically our husbands and it just ties in perfectly 26 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,900 because I'm reading this book right now, ironically called 27 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:31,700 signs, the secret language of the Reverse by Laurel in Jackson 28 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:35,900 and for those of you who have been listening, you know, that I 29 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:40,700 Whitney em all about that side, that spiritual Soulful side 30 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:43,000 talking. I love talking to mediums and 31 00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:45,500 getting my palm read and all of those things. 32 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:49,500 So we're going to let the other widows talk a little bit first. 33 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:53,500 So, first of all, what do you guys was that something that you 34 00:01:53,508 --> 00:01:56,700 thought of fairly quickly after your husband died? 35 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,800 Or was it something that that you never think about? 36 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,700 Give me a little insight into what you guys feel about signs. 37 00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:07,200 Kind of feel like once the shock were off because shock lasts 38 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,800 about six weeks and sudden death. 39 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,200 So I read, I read it. I did the opposite. 40 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:15,100 I did a lot of reading of understanding what happens with 41 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,900 trauma, with the trauma part of it. 42 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:20,000 And also, when they die like, what's happening to the body, I 43 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,300 think it was easier for me, to process the Pain by going into 44 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:27,000 my head. But as soon as that were off, I 45 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,200 started looking for signs because I was looking for any 46 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:33,100 type of Peace and comfort, and like, you, I believe in God, but 47 00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:36,400 I was angry. I was angry at him for all that 48 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,600 had happened, bro. I don't know if you guys 49 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,400 experienced that too, I was too very angry. 50 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,700 So you weren't looking. You weren't thinking, I wasn't 51 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:49,700 looking at the time because I was angry but I did have a 52 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:55,600 friend that recommended a medium and Austin, that brought a lot 53 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,400 of peace. Because you got to feel like you 54 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:04,200 were hearing from Toby. Yes, through the, the meeting 55 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,700 like the things. She knew she didn't know 56 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,600 anything about me. She didn't even know my last 57 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,300 name when I went in and she started talking about the 58 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:16,700 accident and like details that, I'm like, she would never have 59 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:19,100 known that. So that's when I kind of started 60 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,200 that kind of opened up the idea in your head of, oh, maybe he's 61 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,400 trying to talk to me, but you hadn't had any sensation before 62 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,900 that. No, but she told me that he gave 63 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:34,400 me signs in the hospital. And so then I was like, Scott 64 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:38,200 trials, I was like, what were they, what were they? 65 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,100 And she didn't. She never told you. 66 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,900 She didn't know, she didn't know. 67 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,400 But he told her that he was trying to give you some signs 68 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,300 when things happen that fast because people don't realize in 69 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,900 sudden death. And it's instant like it was for 70 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:55,000 all well, definitely us three, you had not much time, but a 71 00:03:55,008 --> 00:03:57,600 little bit there's no time to think I'm going to pee. 72 00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:00,300 Attention to anything. I was so grateful for the 73 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:03,300 shocked because I didn't feel much well in this book that I'm 74 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,800 reading. It does talk about how right 75 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,300 away they are trying to send us messages because they want to 76 00:04:09,308 --> 00:04:13,300 comfort us because they're fine. They're over there, full body, 77 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:17,300 full Heart, full emotion, full lightful, everything, and we're 78 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:23,400 the ones that are feeling terrible and anything but hole 79 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,600 and so they're trying to bring us some comfort and joy. 80 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:31,600 So tell me Holly have you had a sign while, I've had a couple of 81 00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:36,100 the big one that stands out is, I was moving game. 82 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:42,200 My college 20 year old this past August and when you're moving 83 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:49,500 your college age kids don't cry. Like it's emotional when you're 84 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,100 doing it by yourself. Yes. 85 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,600 And and all the other dads are there. 86 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:58,900 Yes, setting up and helping and carry and The freshman year my 87 00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:03,000 sister helped me and that was in that was 2020. 88 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,800 So I was just so happy. He was going to college right 89 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,700 out of that was during the pandemic, right? 90 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:12,600 So that year was okay. And then second year, there's a 91 00:05:12,608 --> 00:05:15,800 little bit of drama. I panicked a little bit but then 92 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,900 lat third year he was moving into a house. 93 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:22,200 So we're moving furniture. He was driving the U-Haul. 94 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:27,700 I was driving my car by myself and I just like broke down on 95 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:33,800 the Way, driving up to Fort Worth and I was like, crying. 96 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,700 I think I called you crying. I don't know. 97 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:41,600 I was calling people crying. And I was just panicked because 98 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,600 I was like, how are we going to put all this Akia Furniture 99 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,300 together, so stupid. So anyway, everyone into a 100 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:51,500 panic. So I pull in, I got to the house 101 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:55,400 first and I was waiting, you know, pulled in, and I'm like, 102 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,600 sitting in the driveway by myself cry. 103 00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:02,200 Sighing and Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles came on and that 104 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,400 was a song that was played at his memorial. 105 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,200 See you immediately felt I was like Homer, I got this. 106 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,800 Yeah. I felt a little calm when you 107 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,800 said that because I was always hold my breath. 108 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,400 When you guys are telling your stories, don't know why I find 109 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,500 myself doing that I guess because it's emotional. 110 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,800 Yeah, it is emotional. What about you Kira? 111 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,900 What do you feel about signs? Was it something obviously, in 112 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:30,000 your case, you We're in the hospital for quite some time. 113 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:34,600 You had to just focus on the physical here and now yeah I 114 00:06:34,608 --> 00:06:40,300 think I don't know if I was looking for signs per se I had a 115 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:45,100 strong urge to know that he was. All right. 116 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,300 I kind of had this feeling I also you know believe in God 117 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:53,800 grew up Christian wasn't really connecting with God and those 118 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,600 moments but I was trying to connect with Frank for sure. 119 00:06:57,700 --> 00:07:00,100 Sure. And I was in the hospital for 120 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:04,200 many weeks and there was just a lot of, like, a Fugue state 121 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,200 where I was in and out of surgery, and I was on medication 122 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:12,100 and I had some emergency situations even within the 123 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:19,500 hospital where I was in trouble, and a lot of in and out of sleep 124 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:23,600 and Consciousness. And so there were dreams in 125 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,100 which he came to me quite frequently in the hospital, he 126 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,300 was still alive. I've he, you know, I was so 127 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:35,000 relieved to see him and maybe that was the sign that he was 128 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,600 okay on the other side. But that was also very painful 129 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:44,100 because in the dream he would act he would just we were just 130 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,400 be hanging out like everything was fine. 131 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,200 And he would act as though none of this had happened and I would 132 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,900 say but wait, you know, we had this massive car accident and he 133 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,000 would say, what do you mean? Do you know? 134 00:07:56,700 --> 00:08:01,900 And that Then I would wake up and I, you know, had tubes and 135 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:07,000 casts and bandages and I'm alone and I'm in the hospital room and 136 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,700 so it was like, moments of Joy like, you know, connecting with 137 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:14,900 him and then harsh reality. So that I don't know if that's a 138 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,600 sign but at least it gave me some reassurance. 139 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,600 I guess just to see his face and yeah I think they do come and 140 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,600 dreams act with him. I think it is a sign. 141 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:29,000 The confusion for me can be when the Is for them to come, and 142 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000 bring us comfort and joy. And then that dream actually 143 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,200 does the opposite. Or, you know, Lacey. 144 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,000 You've talked before about your dream situation with Oliver. 145 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,799 They're never good. They're always that he comes 146 00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:45,000 back and he acts as though nothing has happened and I'm 147 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,200 like, where have you been? And he never answers the 148 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,800 question but like, you cara, I did not look for signs early on. 149 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,400 I was just, you know, just trying to get through the day 150 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,400 and maybe it was. I was not that spiritual cause I 151 00:08:56,408 --> 00:08:58,100 was so angry. Right? 152 00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:01,300 But I had one when we talked about, we were going to talk 153 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,900 about signs. I thought about it and yesterday 154 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:07,100 and then it just kept my brain. Again, that's what happens when 155 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,700 you're a widow. Sometimes you can't remember 156 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,500 things, or maybe it's my age. I don't know. 157 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:15,200 We're going to go and Widow, Widow, brain, right after Oliver 158 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,700 died. I guess it was just like a month 159 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,100 later. I had to take him to the 160 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,900 pediatrician because Rider had strep to back up. 161 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,600 My husband died of group a strep toxic shot, which we talked 162 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,300 about but my son also had strip at the same time. 163 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,900 So the pediatrician and immediately put him on an 164 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,400 antibiotic, he got better. The problem was, he said you're 165 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,200 going to have to see an ENT. So we went to see the first ENT 166 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,000 and the guy, I'll never forget his face. 167 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,400 He's such a jerk. He said if that kid doesn't get 168 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:45,500 his tonsils out right away, he's gonna die what and he noted, 169 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:50,300 however, he already died and he said it knowing knowing and so I 170 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:54,100 took him outside and we had a chat as you can only imagine 171 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:58,200 that mana and then I took my son and we left and I immediately 172 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,000 found someone else, dr. Marc Brown. 173 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,900 God love him. I hope he hears this went to see 174 00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:06,100 him and he said, look, yes, he does need to have them out if 175 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,600 it's not today, it's not a month, it's not six months. 176 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,700 If it's a year he said before the year we need to take them 177 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:15,600 out because they're rather large and he said any keeps getting 178 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,800 sick. So Flash Forward we set up the 179 00:10:18,808 --> 00:10:22,300 surgery and on surgery day a nurse came and got him and said 180 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,500 we're going to take you back to the waiting room of the or and 181 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,200 she let me my sister and my mom. That home. 182 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,800 Let us come in there and be with them. 183 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,800 So, we started talking writers Port, of course, playing his 184 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,800 German Game Boy, that his dad had given him. 185 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,600 He's playing, that seems oblivious to about that. 186 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,400 He's about to have surgery and the nurse introduced her name 187 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,500 and I didn't catch it, but I heard her German accent. 188 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,700 It was super heavy. And I said, where are you from? 189 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,400 And she said, I'm from Germany. And I said, oh, I could tell 190 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,200 that I said, what did you say your name was? 191 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,600 And she said Dagmar when she looked at me and said that, you 192 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,600 know, when someone's looking Look at you and they see see 193 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,400 you. Yeah you know I was getting 194 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,800 chills right now about was Oliver's mother's name. 195 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:11,500 Oh she died when Oliver was 10 and it was like and I'm still 196 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,200 that day. I saw her looking at me and I 197 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,100 said, you're kidding. And she has, I'm not. 198 00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,300 And then she started speaking German to. 199 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:22,300 My son who'd had three years of German classes, but he wasn't 200 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,000 back if I guess he was like my dad, but you still need to good. 201 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,800 So that's about all I know. So he was Seeing her and then as 202 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,700 they went back they were speaking in his limited German 203 00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,100 on the way back and I just got this sense of Peace. 204 00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:38,200 Did you tell her that the nurse? Oh I told her that my late 205 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,300 husband's mother's name was that but she was looking at me as 206 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,200 though she knew. Yeah, it was weird. 207 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:50,200 Yeah, my sister said, I said, am I imagining that she was no. 208 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,100 She's that's part of, you know, when you think of signs, it 209 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:58,000 doesn't just have to be like a bluebird that literally lands on 210 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,500 your shoulder, you know, and gives you a kiss on the cheek. 211 00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,000 Like, it's, it doesn't have to be. 212 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,500 That would be amazing by the way. 213 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:10,800 That would be nice but it can be circumstances where, for 214 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:15,200 example, they bring a person in at the exact right time that has 215 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,400 a tie. Like I'm still getting chilled 216 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,500 restful moment, a stressful moment, rather son's going into 217 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:24,000 surgery, and had to have surgery right after and I wasn't 218 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,000 prepared for that. It's just scary and put your kid 219 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:31,700 under Yeah, I was a mess. My kids have both of those two 220 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:32,900 out of the three have gotten their wisdom teeth. 221 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:36,300 Pulled. I have been a disaster both 222 00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:40,500 times when the boys went in, because one, I'm by myself, 223 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,500 right? And I'm the emotional one, I 224 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,500 know y'all are shocked, but in the relationship hunt, was the 225 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:48,000 grounded one. And I was always up here and I 226 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,800 was trying to ground myself and both times, I'm sitting in the 227 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,800 waiting room and our band was Journey Hunter always came to me 228 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,400 through music that That's his main way for us to communicate 229 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,900 is through music and a journey song played both times. 230 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:08,800 Now, you could say the naysayers or the I rollers, or whatever 231 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,400 out there could be like, okay, well journey is a popular band, 232 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:15,000 especially now elevator music type, you know, whatever and I'm 233 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:20,400 like, so, okay fine, one time may be a coincidence but both 234 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,800 times he brought me that calmness through that song. 235 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,600 And I hear that song just over spring break, I was sad. 236 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,800 Because I was skiing with the kids by myself and that's when 237 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,800 it hits you a lot. You know, when you're doing 238 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:39,000 something as a family and he's not there and so it doesn't feel 239 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,200 like you're with your family fully and I was really bummed 240 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,400 about it and and four different times he brought a journey song 241 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:54,000 to me and he is he loved Bulleit Bourbon and I see that as a sign 242 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,600 a lot too and we went into our Airbnb and I opened The cabinets 243 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,800 and up at the very top, they were like throw away cups, you 244 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,100 know, like little like plastic cups that most people, it's not 245 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:10,100 like the Airbnb was like we're going to put these nice plastic 246 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,700 bullet, you know cups or whatever up there. 247 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,300 It was like somebody had just saved them and they were up 248 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:18,800 there at the very top and and I was like, okay, he's here, it's 249 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,900 not the same. I want him here to help me. 250 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:24,800 Take these freakin boots off, you know, but it's so much 251 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,800 worse. Oh my God. 252 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,600 Exhausted people. Was those vacations are hard. 253 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,800 Yes, thank you. We are you go alone with your 254 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,700 kid. Part of it. 255 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:36,300 Is you have no other adult to talk to. 256 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,300 Yes. But I think yeah, it's hard 257 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,500 trying to find other adults to go on vacations really hard 258 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:45,100 because their kids have to have the same spring break or other 259 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,800 holidays. I've tried to do that and 260 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,800 sometimes it works out, but a lot of times it doesn't so it's 261 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,200 you and your kid. The good news is it's brought I 262 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,200 don't know about you, but it's brought our me closer to my son 263 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,300 will ski together. Sort of, I'm Going in there, 264 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,200 going down the mountain. But you're going down the map. 265 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:07,100 Yeah, but when we got home, they kind of want to veg in their on 266 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:10,400 their phone only think in those moments especially like on 267 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:16,100 vacation be aware and it can be something like sometimes it's 268 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:21,400 like very specific to you. You talk about there's a license 269 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,900 plate Lacey. You had a nickname for Oliver 270 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:29,300 that you don't want to share because it's a little But what's 271 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,600 the give us? Give us that story. 272 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,200 Again, I posted on our Instagram. 273 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:39,300 Every Widow thing that it's happened twice that I was 274 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:41,200 driving along. Usually it's happening when I'm 275 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:45,100 kind of upset just thinking guy and I'm talking to myself, I do 276 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,900 that quite a lot. So if you see me in the car and 277 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,800 I'm riding around, I'm not singing I'm actually talking to 278 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,100 myself. Wow slightly things out in my 279 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,000 head but I do it out loud. But this particular day that I 280 00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:57,500 posted it, I ran into a car, I was right behind ahead. 281 00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:01,800 In GB, and that was his nickname in the moment. 282 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,300 I met him. That's what I started calling 283 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,300 him, and it's stuck with him, but I don't want to share it. 284 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:11,000 I do send, it can be license, plate numbers. 285 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,100 There are some common ones that a lot of people feel red 286 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,200 Cardinals. I just saw one yesterday, you 287 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:20,000 know, on args ladybugs. I have a bazillion ladybugs. 288 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:25,000 Music is another one, rainbows have a story. 289 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,200 Okay, share. Yes, we were talking about 290 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,000 spring. Break. 291 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:33,600 So our spring break plans, got changed due to a tragedy. 292 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:39,000 So my older Sons one of his best friends mitted suicide. 293 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,800 And so our plans changed, we were at a funeral over spring 294 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:49,300 break, and I was sitting there with with my son and his two 295 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:55,400 friends, they were all best friends and We were in Seattle. 296 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,900 So it was cold and rainy. I was like, I stressed over. 297 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,100 What shoes I was going to wear to the funeral. 298 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:06,500 We are sitting in the in the church and the priest was 299 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:11,400 talking about my son's friend and his life and there were 300 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:17,000 windows in the church, the clouds cleared and the sun 301 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:21,599 blasted through and like shine directly on Gabe and his friend 302 00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:24,599 is so amazing. Amazing. 303 00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:29,800 And I just like looked up and they all they notice it but it 304 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,600 was bizarre. Oh guys, ever talk about it 305 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,500 after that? No, but I will talk to Gabe a 306 00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:40,700 but I mean we were all you know kind of thought about it later 307 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,300 as well. I mean I noticed him down on 308 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,600 these boys. I just I love that and it's in 309 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,900 it. Actually I know so many people 310 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:53,700 say why don't get any signs but I'm telling you, you are getting 311 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,400 Thing and it's just don't let your brain talk yourself out of 312 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,700 it. It's a song. 313 00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:02,700 Oh come on the radio or you'll have a moment a thought all of a 314 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,900 sudden they'll come into your head and you're like oh well no 315 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,900 that's not them. Yes it is. 316 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,500 Yes it is well and since I met you, I've been better about 317 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,100 that. I had a spring break sign. 318 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:17,500 Also. And I tend to rationalize 319 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,200 everything like, oh well that's just because this, that and the 320 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:25,000 other and then I decided this time to just embrace Race it as 321 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:29,000 you know Frank reaching down and yeah lending a hand. 322 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,900 And so what hat was it? Well as you guys know so my son 323 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,800 Thomas I have the two girls on either side and then I have my 324 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,600 son Thomas in the middle. He's also senior in high school. 325 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,700 We've been going through the college application process, 326 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,400 which has been really stressful and he has really tried to 327 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,800 emulate his dad. He was nine when his father 328 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,300 passed. So he has a lot of memories and 329 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,800 good memories and You know, he plays soccer, because of his 330 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,500 dad, he plays guitar because of his dad and he's very good at 331 00:18:59,508 --> 00:19:03,000 math and at one point along the High School Road decided, you 332 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,600 know, I want to study business, you know, his father has an MBA 333 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:11,000 from the University of Virginia. Last April, a good friend of 334 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:15,400 Franks from Darden, business school, reached out and said I'd 335 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,700 like to take Thomas to. His name is also Tom which I 336 00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,000 think is kind of cool. That's cool. 337 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,900 I'd like to take Thomas to The Darden reunions with me. 338 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,400 And my daughter and who's also looking at colleges and, you 339 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,500 know, he can meet some of Frank's friends from be school 340 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,700 and see the college and all of that. 341 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,900 And I was just so grateful. Because when someone reaches out 342 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:40,400 to help, absolutely, I'm already struggling with college visits 343 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,400 and juggling the other two kids. And so I'm like, thank you so 344 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,200 much. That's fabulous. 345 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:49,300 Thomas would love to go. So he goes to the business 346 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:52,500 school reunions and gets to meet a lot of people that knew his 347 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:55,200 dad in an academic setting. Which was kind of cool. 348 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,200 Got him kind of, you know, jazzed about college in general. 349 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,400 And about UVA so fast forward to the fall. 350 00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:06,200 He decides. He wants to early decision to 351 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,000 University of Virginia and unfortunately, he was deferred. 352 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:14,000 So that was disappointing. And the whole time I'm praying 353 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,800 to Frank, I'm like, okay, Frank just, this is what he wants. 354 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,600 Just throw him the bone, just get them into the school. 355 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,500 Like he's worked really hard. He's such a good kid, he just 356 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,100 wants to follow. In your footsteps so he was 357 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,400 deferred. So we kind of like you know as 358 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,900 you do if you've had a kid go through this process, you kind 359 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,700 of move on. You've continued with your apps, 360 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,600 he got into some other great schools and then over spring 361 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,600 break, I actually wasn't with him. 362 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,800 He was in California with some friends and I get this, you 363 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:49,300 know, email that the UVA regular decisions coming out and I'm 364 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:52,000 like, you know what, I'm not even gonna bother Thomas, he's 365 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,100 having fun with his friends, and And we're on the mountain all 366 00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:59,700 day skiing on Friday. I don't have any service up 367 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:03,600 there, really, so we get down the mountain return, all the, 368 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,700 put the equipment up, get trudged back to the car and this 369 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:11,500 horrible boots get in the car. And I look at my phone and 370 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:16,900 there's a text from Thomas that he got into UVA, I know and I 371 00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:22,900 mean I just started bawling and my his sister from backseat like 372 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,600 Mom, Mom Mommy. No, it's wrong. 373 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,000 It's wrong. That is and I'm like, I'm just 374 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,600 so happy for your brother like he, this is something he wanted 375 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,900 and that was like, in my head. I'm with my boyfriend. 376 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:38,500 So in my mind I'm like thank you Frank for doing this for, for 377 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,900 our son. And anyway, it was just I took 378 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:44,000 it as a sign. I mean, I could have said oh 379 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,300 well he just worked really hard and he's really good student and 380 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,000 he deserves to go there which he died. 381 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:56,100 So he's he's pretty excited about The option and you wants 382 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,800 to go take another look. So we might go. 383 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:02,700 Yeah, you're right. You can make the decision to 384 00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:05,000 say. No, it was, it had nothing to do 385 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:10,500 with signs but why not believe that it actually does have 386 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:12,000 something to do with our loved ones? 387 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,700 Of course, these when, when people die their bodies die, the 388 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:18,900 love that they have their personalities, their that 389 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:20,600 energy. That's not gone. 390 00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:24,600 And so they still love us. They want to help us Protect us 391 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,700 and support us. I choose to believe that most of 392 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:33,100 the things that that bring Hunter to my mind are from 393 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:36,300 Hunter. For example, like I said, hunter 394 00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,500 likes to talk to me through the music. 395 00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:41,800 She was very musical, he played the guitar and the drums and but 396 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,100 he's very musically loved music. He was always looking for new 397 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:48,500 bands and stuff to follow. He was also very athletic. 398 00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,300 He was a renaissance man. He did everything. 399 00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:53,700 Well, one of the things that he wanted for our son who was very 400 00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:57,000 athletic, Is soccer and to be on a club soccer team. 401 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:01,900 So, when we move to Austin, that was something that he wanted for 402 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,500 my son and I said, fine, you can you have to do that. 403 00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:08,300 I got three kids and I'm like, I'm not putting one more thing 404 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,300 on my plate. You can handle that because it's 405 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,900 out of town tournaments and back and forth. 406 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,400 You know, Holly from baseball and stuff and you did club 407 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,800 soccer to co-write so much soccer. 408 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,700 It is ridiculous. So I was like, I'm not doing 409 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:26,300 that, have fun and then he Died. So guess who's stuck with it? 410 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,800 Me and there was one night, probably two months after Hunter 411 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,900 passed away. So I'm on Southwest Parkway 412 00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:38,400 pitch-black 10:00 at night. I'm exhausted and I'm driving to 413 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,600 pick up Hayden from soccer practice and I just started 414 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,500 dreaming on Hunter. I was just like this is 415 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:48,300 bullshit. This wasn't part of the plan. 416 00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:51,900 I don't want to do this. I shouldn't be having to do this 417 00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:55,200 and now you've got me doing this and this is This is just so 418 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,400 unfair. And the next song that comes on 419 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,300 the radio is too late to apologize, but I'm not public. 420 00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:05,300 And I just started laughing, I was like, you know what? 421 00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:09,900 It is too late to apologize but well played, you know, and then 422 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:12,900 I just sang the song as loud as I could and went and picked up 423 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:16,200 Hayden. But those that is Hunter like 424 00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:19,200 and if you think about your husband and their personalities, 425 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:22,600 that's also how they're going to give their signs eggs yesterday, 426 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,700 I saw that red cardinal Go out on the tree and I was like, okay 427 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:31,400 Hunter, if that's, you can, can the bird, please come to the 428 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,700 window sill, can I just get a little closer and I was staring 429 00:24:34,700 --> 00:24:37,500 at the bird and the bird was staring at me and I had this 430 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:41,200 thought of like, oh no Hunter, doesn't like to do what? 431 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,800 He's told, he's not going to perform, you know, he's not 432 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,600 going to let that bird come closer. 433 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,600 I should just be happy that the birds here, you know? 434 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,900 So that's that's another thing that you need to consider. 435 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:56,600 When you're considering the person that you want the sign to 436 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,200 come from and it can be, you know, like I said something, 437 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,800 generic a lot of people talk about coins showing up randomly. 438 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,500 I just thought of something it can come through your children. 439 00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:08,000 I don't know if you've seen that. 440 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,900 Yeah, I remember it just came to me just this minute. 441 00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:17,300 Thank you early, and he was an introvert and very quiet polar 442 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:20,100 opposite of me. So everything was always subtle. 443 00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:23,900 So I the signs, I guess they are subtle but I remember this now, 444 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,700 Now right after he died, I remember crying in the kitchen 445 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,700 and writer was, you know, he's six years old. 446 00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:34,300 So I would let him see me cry a little bit, but never going into 447 00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:37,200 quote, the ugly cry because I just don't want to scare him. 448 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,700 I went in the cotton in the closet exist how it to the 449 00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:42,700 bathtub. And so I was sitting, I did 450 00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:45,700 trying and he was upstairs. That's where his playroom was. 451 00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:48,700 So I could always feel like I could hear him for some reason. 452 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:51,600 I didn't hear him that day and he came down the stairs, and 453 00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:56,600 he's such a sweet little boy. He goes just let it out Mama and 454 00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,100 he took his hand and put it in the small of my bag and yes, up 455 00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:03,300 and down. That's what his dad used to do. 456 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:05,700 I just got chills. Like, his dad would never come 457 00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,400 up and try to fix my problems. Because I hate when people do 458 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,500 that, when you're having just listen, he would always just go, 459 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:13,500 okay, sweets. And he would kiss me on top of 460 00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:16,100 the head and he would rub in the small of my back and keep going. 461 00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:19,700 And I thought did right or notice that he did that, or did 462 00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:22,300 he do that? And I thought he wouldn't have 463 00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:24,600 noticed that kids don't pay attention to Stuff like that, 464 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,100 how he was 60 in that momentarily, reached the small 465 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,800 of your back problem here. So that all well that's true. 466 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,500 He was really little. He does really little to temper 467 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:37,900 your head need a ladder. No I think so. 468 00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:43,000 Absolutely Oliver coming through those things are also validation 469 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,000 so that your brain. Can't say, no, that's just a 470 00:26:46,008 --> 00:26:49,000 coincidence. Us all being together is a sign. 471 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,800 I feel like our guys were like, we need to get this. 472 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:55,600 Are women together. Are so that they can support and 473 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,600 help each other. Now that we're not there, I 474 00:26:58,608 --> 00:27:01,500 don't think it's a coincidence. There's lots of widows that, 475 00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:04,200 especially Lacey, you've been introduced to, you're not 476 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,400 pulling them into a group. No. 477 00:27:06,900 --> 00:27:10,100 You know, there's a reason there are many that I've met that are 478 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,800 really nice people, but you gotta have more than just. 479 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,800 The fact that our husbands are gone, exact be able to hang out 480 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,600 on the do fun. Things with exactly there's a 481 00:27:20,608 --> 00:27:23,600 deeper connection. It's an energy thing that I 482 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,800 think. Car guys have kind of helped 483 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,700 facilitate. I love, I could talk about this 484 00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:33,100 for hours upon hours. I did want to share because I, 485 00:27:33,108 --> 00:27:36,200 because I have heard several times and even some of you in 486 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,200 this group of said, why don't get a lot of signs or maybe I'm 487 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,300 not open enough to it. And so I wanted to, you know, 488 00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,900 I'm reading this book Signs by Laurel in Jackson. 489 00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:49,400 It's really awesome. She shares a little bit of how 490 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,100 you can kind of try. First of all, you don't have to 491 00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:54,600 be ready for. Sign. 492 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,900 You don't have to be open necessarily. 493 00:27:56,900 --> 00:28:00,700 I thought that oh, you have to be really open and aware and you 494 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:05,700 do to see all of them but they're going to get the sign to 495 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:10,400 you, whether you're ready or not just like that small of the back 496 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,700 sign that you got from Oliver. You weren't necessarily 497 00:28:13,700 --> 00:28:17,700 registering it in the moment but when you look back you 498 00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:20,700 recognize, you know, it's that hindsight is 20/20. 499 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:24,100 So one of the things that she suggest in the book for Going 500 00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:28,300 for signs is going back and thinking, well, could this 501 00:28:28,300 --> 00:28:33,000 possibly have been hunter or Oliver or Toby are Frank? 502 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,800 And the answer I think is yes, it is, it is. 503 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:37,700 So that's one way to kind of think. 504 00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:40,000 Well, you are going to have some signs. 505 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,600 So you look back. Another thing that you can do 506 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,100 is, like I said before, if it's in your head, if they come into 507 00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:49,200 your head, that's them. Don't question it. 508 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,100 And some would say, well, aren't you always thinking about them? 509 00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:55,200 It's different, you know what? I'm saying like sometimes Hunter 510 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,700 will come into my head and I just feel his sense of humor or 511 00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:01,200 something. It's not really from me. 512 00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:04,400 Does that make sense? No. 513 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,900 Yes, most of mine comes through. People are some at a life 514 00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:09,400 through my son because they're similar. 515 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,900 Yeah. Just their nuances are very 516 00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:15,000 similar and unlike I don't know about your, your, some of your 517 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,400 kids were older. Writer doesn't remember him. 518 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,000 All that. Well, so the his way in the 519 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,100 world makes me think gosh, is that him? 520 00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:25,500 Or is that just that they're biologically? 521 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,800 Both, I think similar growth, but I have read not in this 522 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,300 book, but in other things that I've read they'll say like if 523 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:36,400 you see someone, On the street. And it and it looks like your 524 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:42,100 person take that, as just a little nudge, a hello from them, 525 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,700 or if you see their name, one time I was sitting on on my 526 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:49,900 porch and this big truck came by and it had Hunter on the side. 527 00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:51,500 I've never seen that truck before. 528 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:54,700 I don't think I've ever seen it since I say Rider Darkness all 529 00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:56,000 the time. Well, sure. 530 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,000 But if you saw an Oliver, you know, when he was little he 531 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,200 thought those were his eye. Share one more because I know 532 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,700 I'm sharing way too many but this one was really crazy 533 00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:12,900 because I was driving in the car and I can't remember, I think I 534 00:30:12,908 --> 00:30:16,800 was just it was early on and I was sad and I'm listening to the 535 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,700 radio and I just said, you know, I'm just really missing you 536 00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:23,100 right now. I just can you just give me 537 00:30:23,100 --> 00:30:26,300 something and the radio announcer came on and he was 538 00:30:26,300 --> 00:30:30,800 announcing the winner of some contest that they had just had. 539 00:30:30,900 --> 00:30:33,000 And the winner was window. Oil. 540 00:30:33,300 --> 00:30:35,700 Okay, well you ought to know this but that's Hunters. 541 00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:40,700 First name is Wendell and I was like yeah you knew that I don't 542 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:42,100 know. I didn't remember why I know 543 00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:43,000 that. No. 544 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,200 Because you said oh because when we that's why did they name him 545 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,500 after his grandfather. So y'all can all suck it. 546 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,100 Some people would say, okay, well, but whose how many windows 547 00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:00,800 do you know? Number one, and how many 548 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,400 windows? There's one on Bumble? 549 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:06,700 What? Right, Holly Holly the whole 550 00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:09,400 nother and we are going out with Wendell Palace. 551 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:13,300 Don't have a thing about names. She's like I can't go out with 552 00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:15,900 him. His name is Wendell, I went on a 553 00:31:15,908 --> 00:31:18,200 date with a Frank. I was set up with a Frank. 554 00:31:18,300 --> 00:31:20,500 Oh that's funny. And I mean it's a pretty common 555 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,200 name. I remember being really 556 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:26,200 conflicted about. We just went and had a bite to 557 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,200 eat. It was not a big deal but I 558 00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:32,400 remember being so forthcoming because that was like, why we 559 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,100 like Like, I don't know if I could date another Frank Wright. 560 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:36,700 How odd with that? Do ya. 561 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:40,300 We better was in Wendell. Hey, I mean, I don't know if I 562 00:31:40,308 --> 00:31:42,200 could ever data Wendell to be fair. 563 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,300 But well, guess what? You guys I did. 564 00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:46,100 And it was amazing. All right. 565 00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:49,900 Go by with but his yeah, he went by Hunter but it was a reason he 566 00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:50,900 went bad. Yes. 567 00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:54,100 There definitely like Anyway. Going back to the sign. 568 00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:57,000 How crazy is that? How crazy bird? 569 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,900 That's okay, I just want to talk about. 570 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,000 Name, we are going to talk about dating. 571 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:09,500 Are you looking at me? Because here s because Carrie, 572 00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:12,600 you've dated the most out of all of us, take it away carrots. 573 00:32:13,700 --> 00:32:17,500 Our Akira our how many funny stories anyway. 574 00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:21,000 We just want you guys to know that you aren't alone. 575 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,600 And if you are interested and looking for signs, ask your 576 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,900 person, send me something and having faith that when you do 577 00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:32,600 have the feeling it's from your partner, or your loved. 578 00:32:32,700 --> 00:32:36,500 One that it is actually them. That's, that's the worst part. 579 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:39,400 I think our brain tries to tell us that it's not true. 580 00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:42,500 And if you're talking to people who don't believe it's true, it 581 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,700 doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what they think. 582 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:47,700 It only matters what you think that they were your person, not 583 00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:49,600 the right person. That's when they didn't lose 584 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,200 that person either. That's there's a big cause I'm 585 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,800 sure all of you felt the same way that the way you look at 586 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,100 death is very different now that you've experienced it. 587 00:32:58,100 --> 00:33:00,200 So closely. I mean we probably all 588 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,400 experienced death in terms of things that weren't Closes like 589 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,800 a spouse, right? But this is very different. 590 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,600 It is. So I just want to say one thing 591 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,300 about science because for me, I tend to fight these things. 592 00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:12,900 I'm probably the opposite of Whitney. 593 00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:15,500 I'm not looking. I'm always looking for the 594 00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:19,400 rational explanation, and I'll even fight it if it's coming at 595 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,900 me. I'll rationalize and say, oh 596 00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:26,200 well, this is just in the other but this one time a little bit 597 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,500 over like a year and a half after Frank's death, I happened 598 00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,400 to be in San Francisco on a trip. 599 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,200 I was on my own that. Day. 600 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,200 I walked the whole city. I was just trying to, you know, 601 00:33:36,300 --> 00:33:39,800 have some alone time without the kids and walking around the 602 00:33:39,808 --> 00:33:42,800 city. I end up in Golden Gate Park, I 603 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:48,500 end up in accidentally in the AIDS Memorial Grove and there's 604 00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:51,600 this really lovely area. That's kind of it's like a 605 00:33:51,608 --> 00:33:55,200 Grove. It's in, it's enclosed and it's 606 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,800 quiet. There happened to be nobody else 607 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,200 there and I just sort of sat and took a moment. 608 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,800 I looked down and some of you may have been There, but there's 609 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,700 a bunch of names on the ground and it kind of spirals out into 610 00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:11,000 a spiral in its names of people that have passed away from AIDS. 611 00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,400 And I, I'm just sitting on this bench, relaxing. 612 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:17,800 I looked down and the first name I see is Frank, and I'm going 613 00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:22,300 okay that, you know, it's a common name II, just went there, 614 00:34:22,699 --> 00:34:24,699 and I played this little game with myself. 615 00:34:24,699 --> 00:34:26,400 I mean, if somebody had been there, they would have thought I 616 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,199 was insane because I play this little game. 617 00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:32,900 I love where I like looked away and I close my eyes and I look 618 00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:36,000 down at like a totally different area of the spirals, this big 619 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,800 spiral of, you know, hundreds of names and I saw another Frank 620 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,699 and then I was trying to just and rock, listen woman, right? 621 00:34:43,699 --> 00:34:46,800 I was really trying to just like, snap out of it. 622 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,300 This is crazy. I did it for more times and I 623 00:34:50,308 --> 00:34:53,400 got finding Frank's in the spiral and I don't know if 624 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,699 that's just subconscious mind, if that was him. 625 00:34:57,300 --> 00:35:01,900 No, your cell doing it, and, of course, it was him. 626 00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:03,600 I know there's other Skeptics out there. 627 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,800 What is it? What is wrong with thinking? 628 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,500 It was him like, with all your dating, he wanted you to 629 00:35:08,500 --> 00:35:12,100 remember Frank Frank, nothing wrong with it, but that was one 630 00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:13,900 of those like a hammer over the head. 631 00:35:13,900 --> 00:35:17,400 My mom was like, okay, I can't be a skeptic anymore. 632 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:21,100 This might be some something coming through and it was just 633 00:35:21,100 --> 00:35:25,100 this very peaceful beautiful place obviously you know in 634 00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:27,400 memory of people that had passed away. 635 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,400 So I did feel like okay of all the places this is an 636 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:35,000 appropriate space. Oh, him to reach out but I 637 00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:37,400 haven't had a ton of those like Hammer over the head, like, 638 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,300 well, look at. Look at how you talk yourself 639 00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:42,200 out of things. So quickly. 640 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,100 At first, he had to prove himself like four times and in 641 00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:47,800 even now in you're telling the story you're like, well, maybe 642 00:35:48,100 --> 00:35:50,200 I've come now you're doing great. 643 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:54,100 I'm like thanks for UVA. Yeah but that on him I'm given 644 00:35:54,100 --> 00:35:55,400 that. I love it. 645 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,700 If you think about your person they loved us so much. 646 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,500 They want us to be well, they want us. 647 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:05,400 To be happy. They want us to live life, fully 648 00:36:05,500 --> 00:36:09,400 especially now they recognize when you're an Earthly person, 649 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,700 you don't realize that how special it is that we're all 650 00:36:12,700 --> 00:36:15,400 here. I mean it's pretty amazing that 651 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,700 we're literally spinning on this round thing. 652 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:23,100 And in space, we can breathe, we can walk on. 653 00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:25,600 I mean, it's just crazy. I'll my mind is being blown 654 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,500 right now as you can tell. Anyway, I'll get off my 655 00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:32,500 pep-talking but I love it. I could talk. 656 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,400 About it forever. The signs, I truly believe are 657 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,500 there and it is supposed to bring us comfort and peace. 658 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,300 Keep your eyes open. Talk to your person. 659 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:44,400 Asked them to bring you a sign and then don't question it when 660 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,300 it comes on and just enjoy Embrace and enjoy. 661 00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:49,900 Yes. As always, you can go to 662 00:36:49,900 --> 00:36:51,300 Excellence. That's right. 663 00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:54,700 And you can go to another sign right now is to go to Instagram 664 00:36:54,900 --> 00:36:57,900 and follow us. Every Widow thing, just click 665 00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:02,200 the the follow button and you'll get more interesting information 666 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:03,000 like this. Stuff. 667 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,700 You got today. Thank you. 668 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:03,800 Stuff. You got today. 669 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:04,700 Thank you.