1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,840 You found us. I'm so glad you did. 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,000 But I am sorry that you had to. Who are we? 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,760 I'll tell you what, we're not. We're not old, we're not boring, 4 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,960 and we're not giving up. So come on into our widow 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,680 circle, where trauma meets humor. 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:21,360 And we remind you that you can not only survive, but thrive. 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,120 This is every widow thing. Welcome to every widow thing. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,830 My name is Whitney. And we've got Kira and Holly and 9 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,750 Lacey here. We're all widows, as you well 10 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:37,750 know by this point. And we are just welcoming you to 11 00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:40,030 the group. A lot of people don't have a 12 00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:43,270 group like we do. So we wanted to invite you into 13 00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:45,830 our conversation. We hope that we can be in some 14 00:00:45,830 --> 00:00:50,300 way helpful for you. And today, Holly is sharing the 15 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:54,460 story of the day that Toby died. It's gonna be a heavy day. 16 00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:59,060 So I do remember I made dinner. I made a good dinner. 17 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:02,020 You're even very proud of yourself in the crock pot. 18 00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:04,980 All right. Dinner was ready because both 19 00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:08,860 boys had baseball that night. I was with my older son at his 20 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:12,860 game, and Zach had baseball practice with three of his 21 00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:15,260 buddies. So there were four boys that we 22 00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:19,090 carpooled and. At night Toby was like, I 23 00:01:19,090 --> 00:01:21,410 haven't driven in a while because all the moms, dad, we 24 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,930 would all tagged him and he said I haven't driven in a while, 25 00:01:23,930 --> 00:01:26,410 it's my turn. So it was a little chaos. 26 00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:29,290 I got home from Gabe's game. I'm like you haven't left yet. 27 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,250 That was I think the last thing I said to him. 28 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:38,090 So they left to go to baseball practice and OK. 29 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,530 So they take off and pick up the boys. 30 00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:43,980 Did you have a text conversation? 31 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,700 We. Had a text conversation about 32 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,020 spring break. We were planning something to 33 00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:50,940 have one of their friends come in and surprise them because we 34 00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:53,700 couldn't go on a spring break because Gabe had baseball. 35 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,900 So we were texting about that. During the practice. 36 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,060 So he's at the practice and how far where was. 37 00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:05,300 That it was in Dripping Springs. So it's a club baseball team and 38 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,380 these boys that you they've been on this team together for a 39 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:10,620 while. You knew the family as well. 40 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,420 Right, right. Yeah. 41 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:15,660 We're all close friends. It's around I think like 9:00, 42 00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,700 o'clock. And I'm like, where are they? 43 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:21,380 And one of the boys had just gotten a new puppy, so I was 44 00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:24,180 thinking, oh, they got out to see the puppy. 45 00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:28,300 Just after that, my friend Lauren, whose son was in the 46 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:32,620 car, called me and said there's been an accident, you need to go 47 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,320 to Dell. I said how do you know? 48 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:40,080 And she said her son gave her number to someone on the side of 49 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,600 the road and so she, this woman called her, a lot of people that 50 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,600 got out of their cars and were sitting with our boys and help 51 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,080 them, help them get out of the car. 52 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,800 So there's four boys in the car and Toby, is that right? 53 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,400 Yes. So at this point, no parents 54 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,680 know anything except for your children have been in an 55 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,240 accident. Go to Dells. 56 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,880 Right. So I tell Gabe he was upstairs, 57 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,160 and as we need to go to the hospital, there's been an 58 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,320 accident. I was a little bit panicked, 59 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,720 like, how do I get there? Even though I knew totally how 60 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,400 to get there. And he helped me. 61 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,800 He's like, you're going the right way, Mom. 62 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,720 And he's a freshman and he. Was a freshman in high school. 63 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,640 He was 14. So get to the hospital and all 64 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:25,960 the parents walk in and we're just like, where would they have 65 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,400 taken Toby? They're not going to bring him 66 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,630 to Dell. And are you texting with him at 67 00:03:30,630 --> 00:03:34,830 this point? I had called him 5000 times so 68 00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,750 knew I knew something was not right. 69 00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:38,950 That's why I was like, where would they have taken him? 70 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:42,910 I can't remember the exact sequence out of events, but Zach 71 00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:47,790 had not gotten there yet. He was what do I flighted like 72 00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:52,590 in he and one of the other boys. The other two were by ambulance. 73 00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:56,940 That someone came and got me and took me into a little room in 74 00:03:56,940 --> 00:04:02,620 the hospital that you don't ever want to be in and told me that 75 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:05,980 he didn't survive. So a doctor from Dells told you 76 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,260 this? Or a friend? 77 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,700 It was no. It was a Dell employee. 78 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:13,700 And you're alone in this room. No one was with me that I knew 79 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,529 and they asked me. Is there anyone you want us to 80 00:04:16,529 --> 00:04:19,649 call? My friend Sally came like first 81 00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:22,330 one, to pop into my head because I knew she would contact our 82 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,610 pastor. And our pastor was really good 83 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:29,010 friends with with us. And he cycled with Toby, so he 84 00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,090 was, you know, more than a pastor. 85 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:37,010 Then she asked if I wanted to tell Gabe or if I wanted them to 86 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,250 tell Gabe. Obviously I'd let them tell 87 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:42,410 Gabe. But me sitting next to him, 88 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:46,360 yeah, that that was. One of the worst moments of my 89 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,360 life. And then Zach got there and we 90 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:55,200 were in the the ER and Gabe was taken to a ER room with friends 91 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,760 with him. And then I went to see Zach and 92 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,920 his face was completely bruised and they immediately took him in 93 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,240 to get like, I think it was like MRI. 94 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,930 I don't know. And he's unconscious at this. 95 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:11,610 No, he was not unconscious. No, he wasn't unconscious. 96 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:15,050 He was just scared and hurt. In shock. 97 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:17,290 Probably, yes. So I was like, you know, with 98 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,850 Zach, but then I would be like checking on Gabe and. 99 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,790 So you're not even processing Toby, really, Because now you're 100 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:25,630 having to focus on the kids? Yeah, I was just so worried 101 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,990 about Zach and he was in the middle seat in the car, which 102 00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:31,870 was kind of surprising because, you know, he's told that's the 103 00:05:31,870 --> 00:05:35,670 safest right spot. He had the most injuries. 104 00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:39,310 Out of the boys. Right, So he had like fractured 105 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:43,830 bones in his face, broke his arm, broke his collarbone and. 106 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:47,730 Fractured his spine anyway, so we went to like the intensive 107 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:51,530 care eventually and Gabe was just in the bed and there next 108 00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:54,690 to that and my pastor was there and he stayed the whole night. 109 00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:58,330 Let me back up a little bit. So while we're in the ER it's 110 00:05:58,330 --> 00:06:00,210 like we've got call everybody and. 111 00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:02,590 I was very As far as calling my parents. 112 00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:04,550 I was like, you have to call my dad. 113 00:06:04,710 --> 00:06:06,750 You have to get a hold of my dad or Jeff. 114 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,750 I was like, so adamant about that. 115 00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:12,190 You thought that they would handle the news better and then 116 00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:15,390 be able to break it to your. Yeah, I guess I just. 117 00:06:15,430 --> 00:06:17,750 I can't even remember. I feel like they ended up 118 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,630 talking to my mom, but I could be wrong. 119 00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,710 And then they had to call Toby's mom. 120 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:25,280 So then people start showing up. My motherinlaw got there, like 121 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,680 in the middle of the night. My pastor, Pastor Paul, he 122 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,480 talked to my motherinlaw. So where does the motherinlaw 123 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,280 live? So she's an hour half away. 124 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,400 She got a friend to take her to bring her. 125 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,000 And at this point, does she know that Toby died or she just knows 126 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,840 there's been an accident? She knew he died. 127 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,720 So then by the next morning, everybody was there. 128 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:49,000 So in that moment in the night when you're first there and Gabe 129 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,640 is sleeping next to Zach, is it just the families of the kids 130 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,840 that were in? In the accident. 131 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:58,760 They were all there. They two of the boys had surgery 132 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:03,360 that night and I remember after Zach got to his room, he was the 133 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,480 only one in intensive care on that that floor. 134 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,400 All the other ones were on a different floor. 135 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,840 I know what kind of injuries did those boys have? 136 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:15,760 One of them broke his leg, he was behind Toby and one of them 137 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,440 had internal injuries like from the seat belt. 138 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,720 So he had surgery and of course the one that broke his leg had 139 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:28,160 surgery and the other one that was in the front had some 140 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,080 injuries like got hit in the face. 141 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,000 Believe he was left the next day from the hospital. 142 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,240 Because when the accident happened, Toby turned to try to 143 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,320 miss the car and so he got the brunt of the right the car. 144 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,000 And he saved the other kids from getting any, from getting the 145 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,760 brunt. Yeah, after Zach got to his room 146 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:52,040 that night, But that night, after he got into his room and 147 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,880 Gabe was sleep, I mean, they were both sleeping by that time. 148 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:59,200 I went down to see the other families, the two boys that were 149 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,880 having surgery, because I was worried about them. 150 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,360 Obviously. I was all just like. 151 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,000 You're in a You're in shock. Yeah. 152 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,880 Did Zach have the surgery or no? He did not have surgery yet. 153 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440 Did he know Toby was gone? When did he know? 154 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:18,440 So the next morning I had talked to my pastor and I was like, I 155 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,920 know he's gonna ask. He was in so much shock and on 156 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,560 pain medicine and stuff. But I was like, he's gonna ask 157 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,240 at some point and he's my pastor, said you just have to 158 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,640 tell him. Within an hour After that, Zach 159 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,320 looked at me and said, where's daddy and and I just. 160 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,400 Told him, I said do you remember the accident? 161 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,400 And he said yes and said daddy didn't survive, so yeah. 162 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,960 The worst to tell your child something like that. 163 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:53,840 So then we kind of, I mean I was just focused on Zach and they 164 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,720 were doing all these, I don't know, Mri's and Xrays and. 165 00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:03,590 All these different things figure out his back and they 166 00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:07,430 were going to put him in this like shell, like around his 167 00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:09,390 body. Like a back brace. 168 00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:10,030 Or something. Yeah. 169 00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,910 Like, I mean they look like a turtle. 170 00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:15,990 I think it was called a turtle like and he, they were like 171 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:17,270 okay. Well, he's going to have to wear 172 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:21,630 this for like 3 months. And I'm like, no, no, that's not 173 00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:23,710 going to work. There's no way he was in it 174 00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:27,030 while we were trying to decide like what we needed to do. 175 00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:29,150 And I believe it was like a couple of days. 176 00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:32,350 Days until he had the actual surgery and they came. 177 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,870 It was like in the middle of the night, like, I mean Kira, I'm 178 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:36,190 sure it's. Always in the middle of the 179 00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:38,390 night. Yeah, it's like, I'm like, where 180 00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:39,670 are they? It's just the. 181 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:42,150 Hospitals are just. And there's no time in the 182 00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:43,910 hospitals, just no. Time. 183 00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:45,590 You just keep rolling. Around. 184 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,590 Yeah. So at this point, your parents 185 00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:49,630 are there. Parents are there. 186 00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:53,950 Sister, brother-in-law, nephews. And where's Gabe? 187 00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:57,390 When my sister got there with her family, Gabe was with his 188 00:09:57,390 --> 00:10:00,110 cousin, they went home and they were together. 189 00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:02,190 I mean, they're like very close, so. 190 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:07,250 I was grateful he was there for Gabe and I don't know, it's like 191 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:08,690 it's all. It's a blur. 192 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:12,690 So you Zach goes into surgery so that he doesn't have to wear the 193 00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:14,610 turtle. Like how then there's no turtle. 194 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:18,130 He didn't have to wear the turtle as you fought for. 195 00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:21,370 He still have the turtle. They still have the turtle for 196 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,250 memories. With a baseball bat at this. 197 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,730 Point. I might let him do that, yeah. 198 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:30,270 But there's like so many friends and family there that the 199 00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:33,590 hospital gave us an extra room because they were tired of us. 200 00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:34,790 Everybody. In the hallway. 201 00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:37,630 In the hallway. So he was in the Zach was in the 202 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:41,390 hospital about a week and then we were trying to figure out how 203 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,950 to set him up in my room with me. 204 00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:46,190 That's when I became completely vulnerable. 205 00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:49,790 My friends, so everything about me, they've been in my attic, 206 00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:53,710 they've seen my messy everything and they like got this mattress 207 00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:56,430 out of the attic and set it up for Zach in my room. 208 00:10:56,550 --> 00:11:00,510 And so he stayed in my room for a while, as did Gabe a bit. 209 00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:03,550 When did you? Because with all of that going 210 00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:07,310 on, you can't focus on the fact that Toby's dead because you're 211 00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:10,390 trying to keep your other child alive and make sure that your 212 00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:14,190 oldest is OK. And so when did it hit you? 213 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:17,110 Like, when did it? Do you remember when you had a 214 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:22,310 moment for yourself? Probably the first time I came 215 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:24,370 home. I mean, Zach was still in the 216 00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:27,370 hospital and the first time because my friends have been 217 00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:30,250 like getting all my clothes, getting, getting going to my 218 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:31,930 house, getting whatever I needed. 219 00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:36,330 And I had a friend Take Me Home for the first time. 220 00:11:36,370 --> 00:11:40,170 And that's when I walked in and saw the family pictures and 221 00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:44,290 opened the cabinet and saw the mug that said, yeah, you know, 222 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:46,930 coffee mug with his picture on it. 223 00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:49,010 And I was just like, and I'm was. 224 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:53,780 By myself, I mean my friend was there, but it obviously hits in 225 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:57,260 different, yeah, different times it's. 100 different moment. 226 00:11:57,260 --> 00:12:02,300 Of time, Yeah, yeah. Where was Toby and what happened 227 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,300 with that? He died on the scene. 228 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,660 The person, the drunk driver that hit him. 229 00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,300 I don't even think I said that before, the drunk driver that 230 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,060 hit him. Head on, right. 231 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:15,220 Head on to the other, cross two lanes to hit him. 232 00:12:15,990 --> 00:12:16,910 Was it? It was dark. 233 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:22,310 It was dark and yeah, they both died on the scene and I don't 234 00:12:22,310 --> 00:12:26,270 know where he was, honestly. I don't think I realized she 235 00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:29,030 died because the person that hit us died as well. 236 00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,110 It was the woman that hit you, yes. 237 00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:34,110 Yeah, there was a man that hit us and he died, so. 238 00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,350 And he had been drinking at a bar. 239 00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:38,390 Kira. Or was he? 240 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:44,350 No, he I know yours was a bar. My the guy that hit us was. 241 00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:49,740 Sort of out raging out of friends or he'd had a fight with 242 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:53,140 his girlfriend and then just went drinking. 243 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:58,980 But they we did get the butt alcohol report ultimately right? 244 00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:01,500 And it was very high and there were drugs. 245 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:04,260 Involved, I guess. Ultimately he ended up at a 246 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:07,020 Funeral Home, right? And I had to go. 247 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:10,180 That's when I remember Zach was still in the hospital and my 248 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:13,580 friend was like, tomorrow you have to go to the Funeral Home 249 00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:15,700 and. Make some decisions. 250 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,860 It's gonna be hard. Who do you want to go with? 251 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:21,740 You. So I had friends, my dad, my 252 00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:25,980 sister, Toby's brother, and that's when and we decided he 253 00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:29,300 was going to be cremated and we're sitting in a room and. 254 00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:32,370 They're like, OK, well which box would you like to purchase? 255 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:35,570 And I said I'm not paying to. It is crazy my. 256 00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:39,090 Box I was like Toby would be like paid how much for a box to 257 00:13:39,090 --> 00:13:41,690 burn? I know it makes no sense to me 258 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:45,690 that OK, Hunter was cremated, Toby was cremated. 259 00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:48,450 Was Frank cremated? But then Oliver was buried. 260 00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:49,970 Yeah. So that's something that would 261 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,490 be interesting to talk about at some point. 262 00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:57,530 But yeah, why in the world do I need to spend 1000 plus dollars 263 00:13:57,730 --> 00:14:00,660 for a? Comfortable box, which by the 264 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:03,500 way, they're dead and they don't need any comfort. 265 00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:06,540 They can go out and then it's gonna be burned and then it's 266 00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:09,340 gonna be burned. Well, I guess people pay a lot 267 00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:11,060 to be buried in. I don't know. 268 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,060 Yeah, but this is gonna be. Burned and. 269 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:16,140 Then you buy and urn for another 2 grand or whatever. 270 00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:19,220 Well, it was like $100 for the pine box. 271 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:22,540 Yeah, what he got exactly. Me too. 272 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,540 So. And our husbands are proud. 273 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,960 I don't even know. I wasn't involved. 274 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,440 But I'll have to ask. I'm going to ask about that. 275 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,240 I'm going to ask my sisterinlaw. I would hope that everyone 276 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:36,120 chooses the $100 pine box. It's going to be burned. 277 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,400 I don't get it. So you have to go to the Funeral 278 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,000 Home. Your son is now recovering from 279 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,160 surgery at this point. Yes, I believe so. 280 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,760 I can remember. I kind of wish I'd like kept 281 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,920 notes or something. What happened day-to-day? 282 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,760 It's just all blur. Yeah, I don't think in the 283 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,200 moment you're like, I should write this stuff down. 284 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,600 You don't want to remember it, you really. 285 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,160 Have a podcast? Yeah, exactly. 286 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,320 I do want to back up for a minute, because I remember when 287 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,280 you and I met, you told me something that I look at as a 288 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,240 blessing. The car that Toby was driving 289 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,100 was a. Difficult car to get into or 290 00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:15,420 something. Yeah, he. 291 00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:21,100 Was he had just bought a Toyota FJ Cruiser, which he always 292 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,340 wanted and he never got a car. He always got like if we got a 293 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,420 new car, I got the car and then he would get the old car. 294 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,220 Didn't really matter to him and I think it was the summer before 295 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,180 he got it. I was like. 296 00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:35,060 This dream car. And it's in there. 297 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:39,900 I mean, like the car flipped in the accident and one of the guys 298 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,060 that helped the boys get out of the car. 299 00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:45,380 His dad had a car like that or something, and he knew how to 300 00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:47,580 open it. Right, because the back is hard 301 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,740 to open. Or yeah, it's just because so he 302 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,580 got him out of the help them get out of the back and it had 303 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:57,100 flipped and as far As for a car that's going to flip it was a 304 00:15:57,100 --> 00:16:00,700 safe car. So in I guess it was also what. 305 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:04,900 Helped the boys survive or have you know they had less injuries 306 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,420 because of that. Didn't you also say some of the 307 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:10,660 injuries to Zach's face and stuff, it was water bottles or 308 00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:12,020 things that. Were coming from. 309 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:15,380 Baseball. So they had their water bottles, 310 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:19,620 baseball gear. They were eating Sonic, so it 311 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:24,470 was Sonic all over the car. You know, you got to laugh about 312 00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:26,230 something, I guess. Well. 313 00:16:26,230 --> 00:16:28,310 Commercials. I'm seeing car commercials. 314 00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:32,070 Sonic commercial. Yeah, you have to have find 315 00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:35,790 humor in it because there is an element of like, this is 316 00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:39,150 freaking ridiculous. It's ridiculous what is 317 00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:41,350 happening. So yeah, and it's a defense 318 00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:43,510 mechanism. That's one of our clothing, 319 00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:47,310 yeah. So my dad, my parents, had come 320 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,510 back. So the memorial was not until 321 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,150 the end of March. The accident was marched. 2nd 322 00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:57,510 And I remember in the hospital talking about when it when's the 323 00:16:57,510 --> 00:16:59,550 memorial going to be, when's the funeral going to be? 324 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:04,150 And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, when I'm getting 325 00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:04,950 ready. Right. 326 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:10,630 And I wanted it to be somewhere special and not like a 327 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,710 depressing funeral, wanted to be a celebration of his life. 328 00:17:13,710 --> 00:17:17,829 So we had it at Laguna Gloria. And for memorial it was pretty 329 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,589 nice. But then so my parents had come 330 00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:22,750 back for that and my dad had been sick. 331 00:17:22,829 --> 00:17:27,750 Sick with cancer for six years and he had a hard, hard time. 332 00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:31,550 Like he wasn't feeling at his best when all this happened just 333 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,070 because of his health. And he, you know, obviously had 334 00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:37,270 a hard time seeing me losing Toby. 335 00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:40,670 And they left after the memorial and when I hugged him, I knew 336 00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:43,630 that would be the last time I saw him And he died two months 337 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:49,270 after Toby died, that was. It's really hard. 338 00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:52,030 Yeah, because that you are very close to your dad. 339 00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:55,190 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my story. 340 00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:57,150 I know, man. It's heavy. 341 00:17:57,670 --> 00:18:00,830 I found myself holding my. I know I'm holding my hands. 342 00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,870 I'm, I've been. Squeezing my sweating. 343 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,510 It's hot in here. Emotional. 344 00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:07,990 But it's also like when you were struggling to like keep up with 345 00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:10,990 the timeline. It's because it's it happens so 346 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,550 fast. People don't realize it's not 347 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:15,990 there's not time to all of ours were sudden death, I mean. 348 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:20,650 It was so fast that less than 12 hours in my case, but still it's 349 00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,090 there's not enough time to wrap your head around what just 350 00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,050 happened back. There. 351 00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:27,770 Well, I just wanted to say one more thing about the people that 352 00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:31,410 helped the boys. They came to the hospital or one 353 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:34,050 of the girls came to the hospital and brought stuff for 354 00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:37,970 the boys. And somehow all the other moms, 355 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,450 their kids were in the accident found the names of all these 356 00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:44,810 people and we kept in touch with them and we took them out. 357 00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:47,060 We. Had a little get together and 358 00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:50,460 just to thank them for being there for our kids when we 359 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,420 couldn't be there, like and they didn't know what happened, like 360 00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:57,660 they didn't know they were gonna be OK And they were all young, 361 00:18:57,740 --> 00:19:00,900 like probably in their 20s and they got out of their car. 362 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,820 It was interesting because one of the guys said there were 363 00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:06,820 people standing there filming and they were all helping. 364 00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:08,820 It's like. They took action where other 365 00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:10,420 people just pulled out their phones. 366 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,390 Yeah. One of the guys I've kept in 367 00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:15,910 touch with on Facebook and he took the boys out on his boat. 368 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,950 We need to get to know him better. 369 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:24,110 Does he still have that boat? He owns a party like it's a 370 00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,430 party barge. Company. 371 00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,710 Oh, my God. Hey, all right, Where? 372 00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:29,190 Have you been? Hiding this guy? 373 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:32,190 Hey, I'll connect back with his name's Brian. 374 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:35,830 Brian with the party barge. OK, no coincidences. 375 00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:38,490 We need party barges. We're widows. 376 00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:41,170 We need to get out there and. Like, as much barge? 377 00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:44,250 Yeah, some. Maybe we can get a sponsor out 378 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:48,010 of this. Kidding. 379 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,050 I'm kidding. Well, thank you for. 380 00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,250 Sharing sponsored by Party barge. 381 00:19:54,850 --> 00:19:56,890 That wouldn't be weird at all. Not at all. 382 00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,570 You know who likes to party? Widows, Yeah. 383 00:20:02,010 --> 00:20:05,410 And just Fast forward, your boys are good. 384 00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:09,490 Good. They're 17 and 20 now, junior in 385 00:20:09,490 --> 00:20:12,770 high school, junior in college. One's playing Zach. 386 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:14,970 Still playing BASIC. Is still playing baseball. 387 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:20,290 And Gabe is killing it in college, making great grades and 388 00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:23,490 everybody's doing well. Yeah, and that's one thing I 389 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:28,570 think that's good to to hear because I know we all wondered 390 00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:30,850 when we first started this grief journey. 391 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,080 Oh my gosh, we can survive this, but what is it going to do to 392 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,320 the kids? How are our kids going to 393 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,640 survive this? And all our kids? 394 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:44,760 Now look, we all got our issues with the teenagers, but they 395 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:49,040 aren't damaged like we thought they might be damaged. 396 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:53,520 I was just telling Kyra earlier we were talking about our boys 397 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,720 and I think in some ways because it was so difficult. 398 00:20:58,010 --> 00:21:00,610 In in their childhood that I think they have a much more 399 00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:04,130 appreciation for life. And so there's some things that 400 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:06,330 are that are good that come of it. 401 00:21:06,410 --> 00:21:09,610 I try to look at those kind of things because I thought, Oh my 402 00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:12,850 gosh, my kids not going to be well for the rest of his life. 403 00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:15,210 He's going to miss his dad. And there are a lot of things 404 00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:16,770 that come out of it that are pretty cool. 405 00:21:16,770 --> 00:21:19,890 He says he's more, you know, empathetic as a result of it. 406 00:21:20,370 --> 00:21:22,130 That's not a bad thing to come out of it. 407 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,840 If there has to be something, at least there's something good. 408 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,920 Very resilient. Yes. 409 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,280 We are always available to you through Instagram. 410 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,800 You can go there at every widow thing and there's going to be 411 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:41,160 content inspiration there. So please find us and like us 412 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,680 and if you have any questions, DM us because we would love to 413 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,560 help you in that way as well. Every widow thing.