1 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:06,100 Young widows weird brushed aside were swept under. 2 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:09,500 The rug were hurry up and get married again, move on with your 3 00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,000 life. Get over it and I don't think 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,000 people are like looking at what that really means. 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,700 What does that mean for someone that's gone through it? 6 00:00:16,708 --> 00:00:19,100 What does that mean for their family Dynamic? 7 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,300 Was that me for their kids? Was that me for their 8 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:24,000 friendships? The whole nine yards. 9 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:31,200 This is every Widow thing. Welcome back to every Widow 10 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,400 thing. I'm here with my main crew, 11 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,400 Lacey, Holly and Whitney. And today we wanted to dive into 12 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,900 something that kind of Blends, you know, some real traumatic 13 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:48,000 emotions but also some light-hearted and funny stories. 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:53,800 And that is the subject of dating, dating, after your 15 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,700 husband has died. So we've all done some dating 16 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,600 and we we've had some relationships that near 17 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,000 marriage. We know it's rough out there 18 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,400 ladies and we're just going to share some just kind of funny 19 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,200 stories about getting back out there. 20 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:14,200 Yeah, it's scary. I knew my husband at 19, I had 21 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,200 the best little figure tight cute. 22 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:22,000 I mean, and after he died, one of my weird first, thoughts was 23 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:26,600 like No One's Gonna know that 19 year old, but they didn't know 24 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,500 it at night. Pretty cute, but fine. 25 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:32,600 But it's 50. How old am I 50 to fit? 26 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,500 A my 52. A 52-year old but you know it's 27 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:39,300 not the same. The skin isn't as Supple but 28 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:43,700 neither is there's less you're dating. 29 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:46,900 I'm like well I was trying to date some babies for a while and 30 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:51,500 their 30s and then I just was so self-conscious because I had 31 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,700 some girlfriends that were like you're dating too old, you need 32 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:58,500 because my window was like 45 to 50. 33 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:04,200 And they were like, you need to go younger and I did huh. 34 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,300 Expand? The age range? 35 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,500 Anger. Well, fry had to expand mind. 36 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:11,000 Older is what I really thought you were told that to weren't 37 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,600 you laser. Yeah, in my husband was nine 38 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,500 years younger. So I thought that was odd there, 39 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:18,100 but it's weird because the older men are men are always looking 40 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,700 for younger women, and that's well, that's true. 41 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:24,300 But I will say, there were a lot of 30-somethings that were 42 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,200 letting girl. Yeah, I know. 43 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,500 Well, first, I was 35 and then one of my friends was like, you 44 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:32,000 need to go. 30. And I was like, what a moment I 45 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 did. And I was like, I can't know, 46 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:39,100 but even the 35-year old I was too self-conscious when we were 47 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,800 out. I'm just like, why are you with 48 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,800 me? Like what it, you know, what, 49 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,800 and I can't have your baby. Like what? 50 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,800 I just it was it was too hard to have fun. 51 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,200 And you know, that's one thing that I think married women and I 52 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,300 was one of these women because I had a friend who was a widow and 53 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,800 I was always like, you're having so much fun you get to date all 54 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:03,400 the These guys and go have fun and it's not not it's hard. 55 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:07,200 It's now online psychic about I'm job for when you met like 56 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,500 I've been all over at work on the elevator. 57 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,800 Now I'm having to swipe and it's horrible. 58 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,100 I hate it. I hate it. 59 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,700 I'm person I've given up. All right. 60 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:19,600 So curable culture has changed. You have the most dating 61 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,400 experience out of all of us know if that's true. 62 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:27,000 I had an interesting sort of reconnection with someone after 63 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,700 the accident actually with my High School boyfriend. 64 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,300 One of my first dates that I remember that stands out. 65 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:37,200 I was so nervous. I think I met the guy on Match 66 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:42,200 and you're like why we are 42 the time of the accident. 67 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,500 So I'm probably it's at least a year out and probably 43-44. 68 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:51,500 And I went on I started with match, I remember getting so 69 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:53,800 many messages and being so overwhelmed because I'm still 70 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,300 raising three small kids. This one guy? 71 00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:57,800 I don't know. I just thought he was cute and 72 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,200 he seemed sincere. I'm super nervous and I know you 73 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,700 guys can relate like every day. You just want to look her best. 74 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,500 Like you were saying, you're just like, oh my god, I've got. 75 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,800 What am I going to wear? I've got to look amazing for the 76 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,200 state because like, this could be the one, right? 77 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,000 And boy, did I learn that? That's not the approach. 78 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,500 But this was one of the early, the early days. 79 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,300 And one of these hilarious moments in the car that I 80 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:22,100 remember. So this guy was Brazilian and 81 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:25,100 had a really amazing body because I just remember they're 82 00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,600 like photos of him like rock climbing or something. 83 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,200 And Like okay. Let's go to dinner with that and 84 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:35,100 but I did not know how to pronounce his name. 85 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:41,800 So his name was like j0a you like a bunch of towels and I 86 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,300 would have been like I'm gonna do it on the way to the date 87 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,600 because I was so rushed because the kids and everything, I'm on 88 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,300 the way to the date and I'm Googling. 89 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:56,600 How do you pronounce the name and I'm in my car and it's JoJo. 90 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,900 Wow, it's me. Oh, wow. 91 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,200 And I'm in, I hope he's not listening and I'm in the car 92 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,600 going show. Wow. 93 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,700 Hello. João copy the woman who, you 94 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,900 know, the Google woman who's pronouncing it for me and I'm 95 00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,000 just so freaked out. I'm like, I'm going to this 96 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,400 date. I can't even browse this guy's 97 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,300 name. So we get to dinner and it turns 98 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:25,400 out that he's a Jiu-Jitsu and structure instructor and he owns 99 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,700 his own Jiu-Jitsu school wowed judges. 100 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,400 Well, Jiu-Jitsu and he really, really, really enjoys talking 101 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,500 about that and that was pretty much. 102 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:39,500 I mean, I'm just like chips and salsa Margaritas come keep it 103 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:45,200 coming and he's just Jiu-Jitsu Jiu-Jitsu doing and how is 104 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,100 business? I mean he couldn't have been 105 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:50,100 nicer but you know when you know you know in the first 30 seconds 106 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,000 you're like this is not this is not think we would have my 107 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,500 personal not had you at Joelle, right? 108 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,800 First dating, I am particular, was I know I was raised well by 109 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,500 my parent's. I did not want to hurt this 110 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,400 man's feelings. I didn't want to get up and 111 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,800 leave course if that was now I might have been like ooh Mercy 112 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,900 phone call, I'm right, like I'm out but this is one of the first 113 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,200 dates. I sit through the meal learned 114 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:21,400 all about Jiu-Jitsu and I just buy the whole meal we had dinner 115 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,500 and then we go down to the valet I guess, which is, you know, 116 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:28,700 downstairs because of ever been there and there's the ballet. 117 00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:34,700 Is standing there and this guy just shoves his tongue down, my 118 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:40,100 throat in front of the mouth. Know what she looks like, trying 119 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,800 to make eye contact with the ballet. 120 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,800 Help me. Yes. 121 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,700 Like what do U do dis just power through guy. 122 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:53,400 Um, I was so thrown and I was so like just what a disaster, you 123 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,800 know, I mean, there was nothing wrong with him, he was kind and, 124 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:01,100 you know, but I was so taken aback by having just like a 125 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,800 complete. Stranger mouth on my mouth. 126 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,600 It was just, it was a lot. It was a lard like that first 127 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,500 time when you're his somebody and you're like, I haven't 128 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:14,300 kissed anybody and since I was 19, well, Holly, this is the 129 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,600 longest to start dating. I waited three years, I think. 130 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,800 And you waited what five. Yeah, that's a long time and you 131 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,800 just weren't ready. Well, in the first few years I 132 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,500 was like, I'm never going to date anyone and my friend, my 133 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:31,800 married friends. We'd go out in the, okay, let us 134 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,100 download the apps and let's take your picture now. 135 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,500 They think it's all fun, so much fun. 136 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:42,500 Yeah, and it drove me crazy. And then it was right after the 137 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:47,800 five-year Mark. I met someone not set up, but 138 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,800 just happened to be with friends and they had a single guy 139 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,400 friend, this is not already named. 140 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,000 Nope. And that, I mean, we just, you 141 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,300 know, Add fun and went out for a friend's birthday. 142 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,600 He gave you attention, he gave you some attention. 143 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,300 I mean kind of, but I woke up the next morning. 144 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,300 I mean, you know, everybody had gone home and I woke up the next 145 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:22,400 day except for him. I mean, but I woke up and I was 146 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,900 like, well, he was kind of cute, maybe I could date. 147 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,700 There's a story that she's not telling you the guy. 148 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:32,400 That she kissed that night. I did not kiss him. 149 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,600 Oh no, I found in no, but you're interrupting. 150 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:41,500 My, we were and that. But the funny thing is, is that 151 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,700 before she ever met this particular person, I had gone 152 00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,800 out on a date. With this particular person. 153 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:54,300 I met on Bumble and went out on a date did not. 154 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,500 It was the weirdest date I think I've ever had in my entire life. 155 00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:01,000 It did not go well, As soon as I got to the car, I went delete. 156 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,000 So I called up Holly and said, would you go walking with me 157 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:09,600 today and so we're walking around town Lake and all, but 158 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,900 that person comes walking the opposite way and I said, do not 159 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,700 turn your head. Do not turn your head and that's 160 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,000 how dare he is. Of course, she turns her head 161 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,300 and she forgotten about that day. 162 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,700 I didn't forget he stopped and taco. 163 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:25,000 No no, no, no. So kept going. 164 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,400 But the funny thing is then flash-forward. 165 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,100 She didn't remember what he Like us. 166 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:33,300 It was that it was 2 seconds long and then she proceeded to 167 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:34,700 run into him. He was friends with some of her 168 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,300 friends and I knew people who knew him too. 169 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,400 So that's why it's even weirder still. 170 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,100 That's a goddamn guy. That's the guy who didn't date 171 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,400 either. Austin's, too. 172 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,100 Small my turn. That's not go Holly. 173 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:55,500 No, I never dated this guy like he is just the guy that sparked 174 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,900 an interest in dating and dating. 175 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:03,600 So Then fast forward, y'all came over and did my photo shoot and 176 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:10,500 I got on the apps and it's been like just so much fun but I 177 00:10:10,508 --> 00:10:13,900 don't want to dissuade people who are listening you few little 178 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:16,300 bit of fun. No, I have had fun. 179 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:21,200 It's her and this was her here. Do it's been a year and I am not 180 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,000 where I thought I would be right in a year like that. 181 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,400 That is a little bit disappointing because I thought 182 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,300 I would, I don't know. Be happier right now. 183 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,300 You thought you would be in a relationship? 184 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,700 Maybe? Yeah. 185 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:39,600 Well, because this is the truth. None of us really thought about. 186 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,100 You didn't have to think about it the first time, you know, we 187 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:48,500 were young and in 1970s and then you and then we all looked out 188 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,400 and marry the loves of our lives. 189 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,800 Far was set really high. Yeah, I think I think the real 190 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,600 problem and the minute you get on that day. 191 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,400 You're like, oh Oh no. This is not even close. 192 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,800 Just naughty. I also dated so much on the 193 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,100 front end. I wasn't 19. 194 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:09,200 I was older when I got married and so it really bothered me 195 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,100 that here I am again. Are you kidding me? 196 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:15,100 I played that card. I played it a long time, and had 197 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,000 a lot of fun and I had a lot of fun. 198 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,500 It was yeah, I was not the type that was wanting to get married 199 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,400 and have babies. I mean, it took a long time for 200 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,200 me to get around to that, they were not only a met Oliver that 201 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,700 I was like okay this is a guy could Want to live without him 202 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,600 and my dad said, that's how you know, I did not. 203 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,700 I knew I couldn't live without him. 204 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,600 How long were had you been a widow before you got engaged? 205 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,700 It was three years ago when I first started dating, okay? 206 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:46,100 And I'd only gone out on a couple of dates when I met 207 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,000 somebody on Match. It took I think we didn't get 208 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,900 engaged until like a year and a half in or it was over a year 209 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,900 before we got engaged. And what was that? 210 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:59,000 Because I have a friend right now who's a widow and Over a 211 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,900 short period of time. Should dated a lot? 212 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,600 And then she got engaged. And she actually got married 213 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:07,800 and, and she's like, I think I thought he was gonna take away 214 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,600 the grief. It did for a little while, take 215 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,900 away. But it was never my intention to 216 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,500 find someone to get married to. I have to be clear about that. 217 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:19,300 That was, I don't know that I do now. 218 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,200 I mean, I don't know. And just to be clear. 219 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,300 She didn't end up marrying that I the main thing to say is I was 220 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:30,500 very confused and it was Years in, I hadn't gone out with many 221 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,400 people. He's a very nice person, very 222 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,500 nice person, nothing about him, that's the thing. 223 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:40,600 It wasn't about him, it wasn't anything about that life. 224 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,100 If I finally realized all these years later, it really had more 225 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,800 to do with timing. It has a lot to do with what. 226 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,500 I don't know. It's tough. 227 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,300 What? Work you've done on yourself to? 228 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,800 Yes, where you were back then is not where you are now. 229 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:58,600 My God, even in my darkest hour now didn't even come close. 230 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:02,000 Close because I was using it at the beginning to dating just so 231 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,500 that I didn't have to feel such pain. 232 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,900 Any more of them over it. I thought I cannot bend this 233 00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,100 attraction for me. It was just like let me just get 234 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,600 out there. Yeah let me have it like a night 235 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,800 out because you know you do, you can do girls nights out. 236 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,100 We've talked about that, can be super-fun. 237 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,300 You could do a lot of girls nights out, you can get thrown 238 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:21,300 in with divorced women, and then you just kind of feel like a 239 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,300 fish out of water there because it's not the same experience and 240 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,200 you miss affection. You just that's what people 241 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,100 don't want to say you. Miss having you want to be Yeah, 242 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,600 affection. And you know, snuggling and all 243 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,600 of that stuff so it was good for a little while until I think 244 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,400 that's what I realized about. The marriage thing is that it 245 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,200 it's been many more years after that that it's taken to. 246 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,800 I think it was just like a year ago that I finally feel like. 247 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:51,000 Even though my life right now is not really easy, I've got no 248 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,200 family issues and my kids going to leave. 249 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,400 It's and it's been one of the toughest things that are 250 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,200 happening around me. But I'm more solid than I've 251 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:03,300 ever been because I have the tools in my toolbox that I 252 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,600 learned through grief, you know, therapy and EMDR and but the 253 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,900 other is that I finally realized that. 254 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:14,000 I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay alone. 255 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,800 You're okay, if you're by yourself or I don't love it. 256 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,700 I don't love it. It's not ideal because I am a 257 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:22,600 partnered person. I like having somebody in my 258 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:27,400 life but meaning I'm okay. I'm not freaking out about it, 259 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,800 I'm not Even so, you know that I'm sad about it. 260 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,200 It's more. I just accepted it. 261 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,800 I think that's when something amazing is going to be around 262 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,000 the globe. That's what old Vasquez said, 263 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,400 right? Yeah, said, what if, and I think 264 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,900 there's a possibility that when writer is gone because I tend to 265 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,900 we all we've talked about this Kira. 266 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:49,500 I know. She cared text like a dude, the 267 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,400 girl does not would not want to talk on the phone. 268 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,300 She does not wear. It's very hot. 269 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:58,100 Like a dude I do text like a dude, I don't have a lot of time 270 00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:01,600 to like I think that's part of indulge in emotional but I yeah 271 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,400 I'm not I'm not a big long winded, text her, right? 272 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,600 But I think I like to line where Ryder says I am like one. 273 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,100 I've tend to do like what a lot of men do. 274 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,900 They pour in all their energy into one thing? 275 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,400 Women tend to like do 50 million things at one time which I mean 276 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,600 I have to do that, I can't focus on just one thing at a time, but 277 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,000 I'm not happy there. I pretend to pour all my energy 278 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,300 and I think I did that with Ryder. 279 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:27,100 I only have one kid. You guys have several, so I 280 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,100 think that's easier for me to do We were laughing and saying one 281 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,300 kid is ignored. We don't have the energy to give 282 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,700 put all of our energy into all of the kids. 283 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:41,000 It's so you recognize now that once Riders gone you will prop 284 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,900 it. I do feel you're open to it now 285 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,900 because I think you said like I'm now I'm ready I can see 286 00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,800 myself getting out there and you even did get on it. 287 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,200 Some the dating app. Yeah well I've definitely done 288 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,800 that at it over. I've been on over 50 First 289 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,300 Dates. Like that movie? 290 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,900 Yeah. 50 First Dates but it's a gift and a curse that I read 291 00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:00,700 things very quickly. Quickly, I know within warp 292 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,100 speed like how you did on your end and how you leave. 293 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,100 Because I would be like, here, where I'm staying for the dinner 294 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:10,300 and I'm like, please it could there be like an earthquake or 295 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,900 some of the always kind of on a fire. 296 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,200 They're having their people to, I'm always kind, but I'd and I 297 00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:21,500 don't lead them on either kind, but they get mad. 298 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,000 Like, I had one guy that after the date. 299 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,400 I went home and I just said, you know, you spend hours trying to 300 00:16:27,408 --> 00:16:30,200 think of the perfect. Justice and and I was like it 301 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,200 was great to meet you but I just don't think it's a fit best of 302 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,900 luck out there whatever and he literally got so mad he's 303 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:42,000 rapid-fire texting me. Why did you waste my time? 304 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,100 What why would you even sit there for that long? 305 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:49,200 If you knew that it wasn't a thing and I'm like I am so glad 306 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,400 that I'm never going to do you respond to that. 307 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,700 I don't think so. I know I don't think I can to 308 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,100 block some some guys that. Yeah you know but but I did 309 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,600 learn After I learned that it was worse. 310 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:05,200 If I was nice, if I gave hope. Yeah, I never ghosted anybody. 311 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:10,300 But I definitely learned how to learn how to be more direct and 312 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,300 honest. Well, I had one that was 313 00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,900 directed on hurt. Its feelings. 314 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,500 He told me what you said and hurtful and the whole time I was 315 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:23,000 with me, he was gay. He was a no doubt in my mind. 316 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,599 He was a life coach. I think he saw a widow that he 317 00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:31,500 was going to Little Widow and then he got there at the bar. 318 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,300 Realize I'm not some Wallflower and I think he was a little bit 319 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:40,500 like, oh, she's a lot but at the same time I got tickled when he 320 00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,400 sent that. I was like and he's still out 321 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,800 there by the way. Still not a mold photos. 322 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:51,200 Wow this is like 10 but he's on the dating app as a heterosexual 323 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:56,400 males and he is, he is not what about social apps? 324 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,500 Do you say that? Do you have it out there? 325 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,500 That you're a widow. No, I didn't. 326 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:06,100 But then I had to have like, right after I would do the thing 327 00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:09,200 where I would get on for like a month and go on a couple of 328 00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:11,700 dates and they'll be like, I'm not ready and then I would get 329 00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,800 off for several months and then I get back on and on. 330 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:18,400 Yeah, so in your bio I didn't have it. 331 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,900 But there were moments because especially in the beginning, I 332 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,600 was talking. Well like Hunter's parents are 333 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:28,000 still living and they are close by and I call them my in-laws. 334 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,200 So, I'm sitting down to dinner or drinks or whatever with this 335 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,100 guy and he's talking, we were just talking about what we were 336 00:18:35,108 --> 00:18:36,700 doing. And I was like, oh yesterday, I 337 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,800 was out of my in-laws and blah, blah blah, and he made a joke 338 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,900 like, oh yeah. I go over to my in-laws all the 339 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:45,200 time too. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I 340 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,300 need to give you a little piece of information. 341 00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,500 I'm not divorced. I'm a widow. 342 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,900 So, they are like, still my in-laws. 343 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,800 I don't know what I should say. And then, he felt terrible. 344 00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:00,000 And also I kind of I've gone back and forth, I put it in my 345 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,700 bio and then I've taken it out and then I'll put it in 346 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:06,000 sometimes it comes out and I and with me it usually would just 347 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,600 come out in the texting like, how long have you been divorced? 348 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,200 Right? And then I was always up front 349 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,000 about it. Sure, but I did realize recently 350 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,400 that my current boyfriend when we first met, we have been 351 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:21,100 texting for a while and he's claims that he didn't know, I 352 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:25,200 guess he knew, but he didn't know the circumstances may be 353 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,900 under. Now he claims he didn't know 354 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,000 something. I don't Widow. 355 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:32,500 When did he find out on our first date last year? 356 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:37,600 But when does he answered? And I on our first date he says 357 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:41,100 it was when it was a few texts before you when I mean for a 358 00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:46,400 couple of weeks I want to stay at the you have at least see or 359 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,700 know I put 10 on your bio. Yeah, well on Match you have to 360 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,600 he does. So I thought you had to select 361 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,200 divorced man. It's been so long that the first 362 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,200 the one that I was engaged to that's how I met him that I 363 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,100 didn't. Do match match felt to open like 364 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:05,400 too much in there too many emails and great over wedding. 365 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,200 Not like magic. I did just get back on it 366 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,100 because I got off of it for a long time. 367 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,700 I say a long time, it's only been a year, not even a year, 368 00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:21,800 but I met a guy on Match that I liked and I kept seeing him 369 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,300 again on Match even though you'd already met, we'd already 370 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:29,500 matched and met. And he kept showing up So I just 371 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,400 got off of it for. That's the worst part about 372 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,000 match to me. And in Mumble you can't do that 373 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,500 once your match with them. There's no you can't tell when 374 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,700 they're on or not. I mean that's a little that's 375 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,800 what I don't like about matches. You can tell that's not. 376 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,000 It can be hurtful when you haven't heard back from them and 377 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,500 you know they've been on or if you're dating them and they're, 378 00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:49,700 you know, they're still out there looking and you're kind of 379 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:53,200 thinking they're your person but one thing as a widow and trying 380 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,300 to date that I've realized is divorce. 381 00:20:57,300 --> 00:21:00,700 Trauma is very Be different than Widow trauma. 382 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:07,800 We didn't have bad relationships that we chose to get out of and 383 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,000 they did. So I know they got left, they 384 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,800 got left. I mean, that's it ladies. 385 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:19,200 So so for me it was I actually got into a relationship fairly 386 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,400 quickly. It was a friend who was also 387 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:26,200 grieving and so we just deeply connected. 388 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,600 It was way too soon. Like all of us, we were looking 389 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:38,000 for a escapes from the pain and to have somebody, it just was 390 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,000 too too hard to resist and I just and and you're looking for 391 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:46,000 someone to help you like I was, at least help me navigate, 392 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,600 especially Christmas tree like the Christmas tree. 393 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,700 Yeah, you should have got with their jeans and a little 394 00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:53,500 fascinating, though. That like, some people like 395 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,700 right? I mean, when they're dead, 396 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:56,100 you're free to go date. All right? 397 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,400 Where's no Josh that right way but it's interesting. 398 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:02,000 Esta NG that, that people like I was grubs like Holly. 399 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,600 I was so grossed out of the thought of being with anyone. 400 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,900 It took three years wasn't like, I made a conscious decision 401 00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:13,200 although I did, I do remember talking to a friend early on and 402 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,600 they were like, do you think you'll ever get married again? 403 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,600 And I said, absolutely. I have no doubt that I'm going 404 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,500 to meet somebody great. And then I'm going to get 405 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,800 married again because I have so much love to give and I'm really 406 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:28,100 good at it. Now cut to five and a half years 407 00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,700 later. And now I'm not so sure now. 408 00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:33,600 I'm like, I don't know. I mean it's not easy to meet 409 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:38,500 people and then like we but all said they have big shoes to fill 410 00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:42,900 and I try very hard to not put Hunter on a pedestal, he was not 411 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:45,700 perfect. We had our own issues, being 412 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:48,000 married for 23 years or whatever. 413 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,700 But I, I want everything that Hunter gave me and then 414 00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:54,600 everything that he didn't, which is unrealistic. 415 00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:56,900 So I have to reprioritize my stuff. 416 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,200 I can't remember what. My point was going to be guitar 417 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,400 for the guys. I've talked to your boyfriend, 418 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,900 get him. We all were talking to him at 419 00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:07,400 your birthday party. Your 50th birthday party, and 420 00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:11,200 he's such a good guy and he looks at you like the sun rises 421 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,600 and sets on your head. I mean, he's just and it does, 422 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,800 right? But he's a sweetheart but I feel 423 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:21,900 I feel for people like him because it is hard to step into 424 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,300 the Widow world. I mean, you know, divorcees, I 425 00:23:25,308 --> 00:23:28,100 think they in that way, dating they have it easier because 426 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:30,900 they're King to forget their gifts. 427 00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:34,700 Yeah, they don't have pictures up there, not remit 428 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,200 commemorating birthdays or anniversaries and stuff. 429 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,600 So there's a lot of trauma bonding and divorce. 430 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,900 I think a lot of people get divorced and then they trauma 431 00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:45,600 Bond over their divorce or their ex because they have they have 432 00:23:45,608 --> 00:23:47,800 that in common, right? And they're hashing that out. 433 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:52,800 And I mean, I dated a couple men who were either, which I would 434 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,600 never do again, separated or newly divorced and they're still 435 00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,100 processing their divorce. And I felt like a therapist, you 436 00:24:00,108 --> 00:24:04,700 know, like I was basically holding their hand through which 437 00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:07,300 I initially wanted to be supportive and was like, oh, 438 00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:09,600 that's awful that she did that or she did this. 439 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:12,300 And then later, I came to realize, that's not really fair 440 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:16,400 to this woman that I don't even know, like, how is that fair to 441 00:24:17,100 --> 00:24:20,300 their ex-wife or their soon-to-be ex-wife or the mother 442 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:22,600 of their children? And we don't have possibly 443 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,400 understand because now you're only getting one side and I 444 00:24:25,408 --> 00:24:29,700 mean, I learned so much actually through Dating different people. 445 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:33,700 I learned a lot about just relationships in general 446 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:37,900 relationships, that, you know, didn't look like mine and that 447 00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:41,100 helped me hone. Really what I was looking for in 448 00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:43,300 a partner. I knew it wasn't going to be a 449 00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:48,100 replica of Frank or what I had, but it did help me shape my 450 00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:51,100 values a little bit more. And like, what I really was 451 00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:53,500 looking for at that time of my life and, you know, now dating 452 00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,700 in my 40s as opposed to my 20s, right? 453 00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:59,100 What we want now is very different than what we Wanted or 454 00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:03,800 needed in our 20s or 30s. Like I don't need a good. 455 00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:06,700 I mean I want somebody who will be kind of my kids and stuff but 456 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,000 he doesn't need to be a quote-unquote, great, father, 457 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,600 because he's not the father that was The Grieving thing that I 458 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,800 thought about the other day that was really sad because I met up 459 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:22,500 with a, my old roommate and La contacted me out of the blue was 460 00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:23,900 in town for business. And he was. 461 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:27,200 And that came up. He said that has to be really 462 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,600 hard, and I said that One of the hardest parts. 463 00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:31,400 He's never going to have a stepdad. 464 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:34,200 Even if I marry, that's not going to be a step to know. 465 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,700 It'll just be like, scarl felt. Yeah, we'll just for Wendell. 466 00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:38,800 What? It'll just be Wendell. 467 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,400 He'll just who are, who'd Nevel Nevel. 468 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,400 I'll share one quick story that hopefully you guys can learn 469 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,700 from that are listening out there. 470 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,900 I'm starting to date, and I'm talking with friends who have 471 00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:54,100 been dating. And one of the first things they 472 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:59,600 tell me is that everyone has herpes She has her Pious and I'm 473 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,200 like, what? And they're like, yes everyone 474 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,500 has herpes and I'm like, okay, everyone has herpes. 475 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,600 So I'm going down the dating path and that's in the back of 476 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,400 my head, right? All right, so I start dating 477 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:16,500 this guy, we get intimate and then I go away for spring break. 478 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:23,100 I get blisters in my mouth and my brain starts going insane. 479 00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:27,300 I'm like, I have herpes, I'm balling and so, I called this 480 00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:30,800 guy because I was so, Worked up and I had worked myself up into 481 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,800 such a frenzy. I love to be here. 482 00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:35,900 Good person. I was like, I want to be a good 483 00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:38,200 person. I need to tell him in my sister 484 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,600 was like, please don't say anything. 485 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,500 Please. Don't do this to yourself. 486 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,700 You are overreacting, you're a weirdo, stop. 487 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,900 And I was like, I have to tell him. 488 00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:51,500 I just have to tell him and PS at the same time. 489 00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:55,500 He was sick with covid, but I didn't know he was, you know, 490 00:26:55,508 --> 00:26:57,500 sick and I'm like it's not covid. 491 00:26:57,500 --> 00:27:00,800 You guys it's her. He's like, somehow I had worked 492 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:05,600 myself, it is such a state and I called him and I just blurted 493 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,100 out. I think we have herpes and he 494 00:27:08,100 --> 00:27:12,800 was like, what when he had been in a long-term marriage, 495 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,000 whatever. And it was so uncomfortable, and 496 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,000 so horrifying, and I'm balling on the phone and he's like, and 497 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,600 we had just started like dating, you know, this wasn't like a 498 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,000 year relationship. Anything. 499 00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:28,300 And I get off the phone with him and I'm just so horrifying. 500 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:33,800 I'd and then the blister went away, and he was fine. 501 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,600 And then I see this the situation for what it was, and I 502 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,500 had talked about make one mountain out of a molehill. 503 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:43,800 Didn't know I did, but you do go get tested. 504 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:48,700 But also, this is another weird thing apparently, even the 505 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:51,300 testing isn't clear. So even though it came back and 506 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:55,200 it said, I didn't have herpes, I still was like, well, is this 507 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,300 even can I even believe? I mean, you, your, you go. 508 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,900 Go insane. But the overthinking boy. 509 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:05,400 And I humiliated myself with this guy humiliated myself ever 510 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,300 heard from him. Again, there's well together 511 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,900 we're still dating and we both have. 512 00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:18,900 This thing is everywhere. I was on a date and we're he had 513 00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:22,300 a salad and I was like and I was like, oh can I have? 514 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,200 And he was like, here have a bite of the salad and I said, oh 515 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,300 can I have some salad? Don't worry, I don't have 516 00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:31,600 herpes. He said, oh, actually I do 517 00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:35,000 herpes. And I was like, no, that's all 518 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,800 well, not everybody. But I'm just saying and by the 519 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,300 way, it should be. So and I had made a joke, you 520 00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:43,200 have a bite of the solid. I did have, I was like, I think 521 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,700 it was the fork was kind of like, well it's there's no 522 00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:49,300 blisters than it, doesn't matter, it's not contagious, but 523 00:28:49,500 --> 00:28:52,900 it's not even a big deal, but I had made it such a big deal and 524 00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:56,400 then for this episode I know and then the guy was like, why do 525 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,400 you keep saying herpes? Nobody says, Has herpes like 526 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,000 they just say, fever blister. Whatever side of these over the 527 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,300 Sabbath. Your Widow. 528 00:29:04,300 --> 00:29:09,200 Do I have heard it was the worst? 529 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,400 That's the worst story of my dating. 530 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,800 Is that hole? That's pretty bad. 531 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:16,200 You have to say yours tops. Anything I've ever. 532 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,600 It's been my gosh. That phone call. 533 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,600 I had worked myself up and then just blurted it out. 534 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,900 He was like, what the hell? We have herpes covid. 535 00:29:24,900 --> 00:29:28,100 He's like, I don't have herpes. Why do you think you have her 536 00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,100 be? I don't know. 537 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:31,700 Maybe you had herpes and you didn't know you had herpes and 538 00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:33,200 then and he was like, are you telling? 539 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,100 Are you blaming me? Do you, are you saying that I 540 00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:36,500 gave? And I'm like, are you herpes 541 00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:37,900 shaming? Yeah. 542 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,100 I'm like, I don't know. Oh my God, your balls. 543 00:29:42,100 --> 00:29:44,600 Yeah, you're too funny. And he story. 544 00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:48,600 Is it glad we're pretty fun. Should I edit this out? 545 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,900 I think that'll get us. We're gonna get Spa. 546 00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:54,300 My God. What are you thinking about it? 547 00:29:54,300 --> 00:29:57,000 It was horrifying bubbling match, right? 548 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000 Number one, if you have herpes, He's, it's no big deal. 549 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,100 Number two, you don't need to say herpes as I keep saying, 550 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:07,700 anyway, fever, blisters, all right, who hasn't told a funny? 551 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,600 We have to wrap up with a funny date story, who hasn't told a 552 00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:13,900 funny date story lace. Oh yeah, dude, because Holly, 553 00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:24,500 and I dated the same guy so I don't know anything. 554 00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:30,400 This funny as herpes I'm sorry, that Whitney Is I will say, 555 00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:35,900 like, one little tidbit. I took a guy to see to hear 556 00:30:35,900 --> 00:30:42,200 music and he ended up being kind of deaf and that was awkward 557 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,300 kind of. Well that's not something, I 558 00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:48,000 guess you would say a that. Now I find out you didn't 559 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,600 disclose and he was hearing impaired on the app and I just 560 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,100 thought it was cute and you guys all know I love to go see live 561 00:30:57,100 --> 00:30:58,300 music. We live in Austin, Texas. 562 00:30:58,400 --> 00:30:59,800 Texas. It's a fun thing to do. 563 00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:04,400 So I find this club on the east side and the band looks 564 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:09,500 interesting and we meet there and he could read lips and he 565 00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:12,500 ended up being like a super nice guy but I mean out talk about 566 00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:14,400 mortification I was just mortified. 567 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,400 And then I think I asked you for questions like do you like the 568 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,500 band and you know have you ever been here before? 569 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,400 And it was the music venue and he was like, well I can feel the 570 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,300 vibration and I can sort of get into it but probably like she 571 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:29,100 treated him. Lee Fleming. 572 00:31:29,700 --> 00:31:34,400 Did he have herpes? He probably did by the way. 573 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,300 I just, again need to say. It's everybody doesn't matter. 574 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:41,100 It's not a big deal. I made your favorite word deal 575 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:42,500 herpes. No, I had. 576 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,900 I had the conversation when I went after I started seeing 577 00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:50,100 someone and I went back to my gynecologist and I was like, you 578 00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:53,800 know, I'm widowed and I'm now like an intern relationship with 579 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,300 somebody and like what what's the panel? 580 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,500 What are the tests? I mean we were, you know, No 581 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,300 using protection but you just never know. 582 00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,000 And I was freaked out too, and she was like, you should be 583 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,200 freaked out their stuff out there, right? 584 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,300 But as you're older, doesn't mean it's not like, yeah, but 585 00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:09,700 you shouldn't be freaked out at least. 586 00:32:09,700 --> 00:32:14,500 Pregnancies off the Moss, man. Yeah, I had to go back on the 587 00:32:14,508 --> 00:32:20,300 pill or still, I mean, you had to go back on the pill, only 43 588 00:32:20,300 --> 00:32:22,900 early 40s. I mean, I don't want as you're 589 00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:25,400 still having your period, you get to have a baby, I don't know 590 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,400 if you guys know that but another tidbit It. 591 00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:31,400 Birds and the bees. Yeah, honey. 592 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,100 Whoever. All right, we're going to wrap 593 00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:36,200 it up. I don't even know how to wrap it 594 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,000 up. Thanks for listening. 595 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:46,600 Should wrap it up Herbie's. Try anything wrong with it.