1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,440 This is every widow thing. Hey guys, Whitney here from 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,480 every widow thing. Hi, it's Kira. 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:11,400 Hey, it's Holly. And we are recording our 50th 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:17,200 episode. We already popped the champagne 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,880 so unfortunately you can't hear that. 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,040 Oh, Jack is excited. We are recording in my home 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:27,880 studio AKA dining room table. So you may hear some life 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,520 activity, but that's just my dog or my kids. 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,240 But yeah, we have now passed the two year mark. 10 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,360 So we're into year three of every would have thing I. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,400 Can't believe it's been 2 years. Yeah, it's been great. 12 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,720 It's. Flown by, I know. 13 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,040 I think that our listeners would love to hear what's been going 14 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,200 on in our lives because it has been a hot minute since we 15 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,760 recorded together. We haven't even and addressed 16 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,400 the awesome meet and greet. Oh yeah, we. 17 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:56,000 Had with our listeners. Thank you to everyone that that 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,640 came. It was so much fun and so 19 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,160 rewarding to meet everyone. And yeah. 20 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,480 It, it felt I loved to, to put faces with the names that I see 21 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,480 on social media, you know, and then to just sit down and get to 22 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,840 hear your stories because you have heard our stories. 23 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,480 It was really interesting and inspiring, but it. 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,440 Was a great afternoon. It was at the Me Night Cat, and 25 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,120 I agree, it was just so nice to bring everyone together. 26 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:28,400 And a lot of the people that showed up are earlier on in the 27 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,640 journey, you know, like year 2, year 3. 28 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,440 And it just felt really good for us to kind of be there. 29 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,720 We've been widowed a lot longer and we've kind of been through a 30 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:43,080 lot of phases of grief and of life since losing our spouses 31 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,120 and just being able to support kind of the newer widows that 32 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,120 showed up. You, I think you told me, Kira, 33 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,840 that it was the first time that you felt like, oh, we really are 34 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,280 making a difference. Like you knew in your head that 35 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:00,760 we were, but actually getting to talk to people face to face. 36 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,520 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, meeting people in person 37 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,720 just is very different from speaking into a microphone. 38 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,800 Right. So and, you know, having that 39 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,280 sort of immediate feedback, like, hey, you know, your 40 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,960 podcast has really helped me. And how did you tackle this? 41 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,640 And I'm going through this exact thing that you discussed and, 42 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:21,800 you know, on the podcast. And it's been like a great 43 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,840 inspiration to me and that. Yeah, that felt great. 44 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,800 Yeah, I thought it was fun to watch the listeners interact 45 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,600 with each other too. You know, it wasn't just us 46 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,040 sitting at a table and talking to to just the group. 47 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,560 Everybody was mingling and we had some men there which I 48 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,880 loved. Yeah, we had some widowers in 49 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,760 the house. Perspective, yeah. 50 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,720 And then we had some fellow bar mates who joined in. 51 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,760 And did I e-mail you? Other people on the patio that 52 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:55,320 enjoyed what we were doing and was taking pictures and trying 53 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:56,720 to I. Can't remember, did he send you 54 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,240 a picture? He maybe he was flirting with 55 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,600 Whitney. Well. 56 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,480 For sure he was. He was digging our hats because 57 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,840 we were all. Wearing tea. 58 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,000 Hats and for some reason, and by the way, this isn't the first 59 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,440 time I heard this, people read it and what do they think they 60 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,520 the hats say, Holly? I can't remember. 61 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,040 I can't remember. Oh slut, I can't. 62 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,680 Remember. It says EWT. 63 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,600 Thought we were wearing hats that said slut and I was like it 64 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,760 depends on the Bay. You know, and we're like, it's 65 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,960 the opposite of sluts. It's widows. 66 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,880 Widow, right? How? 67 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,000 Does EWT. Translate as slut I'm. 68 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,240 Just right. The it's the font that's a 69 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,080 little far fat. Sure, What's going on? 70 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,560 Mine they. Were drinking too much that's. 71 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:47,240 Are super cute and we we look super cute at the bar and we had 72 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,240 a really good time and the turn out was great and it just kind 73 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,400 of was inspiring to think of like bigger events and more 74 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,040 events that we could have. Well, and also one listener did 75 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:02,120 comment that she wished we'd let everyone know sooner and she 76 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,600 actually would have came to Austin. 77 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,000 Yeah. So I think we need to do that. 78 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,760 It's. Hard to schedule like especially 79 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,400 since Hunter died and I've said this before, I don't like to 80 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,400 plan too far in advance now which is weird. 81 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,079 Because you say yes, and then you end up wanting to say no. 82 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,720 Well. That, but also I guess there's 83 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,360 some peace to. Story or something? 84 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,120 Oh, he's just getting old. Maybe so, but I feel like it was 85 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,200 because I had a lot of plans and then they all fell through, you 86 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,440 know, 100 died so. I think that's a trauma response 87 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,480 for sure. You. 88 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,560 Know I was just thinking even about this summer, like plans 89 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,880 that I have and I was catastrophizing a little bit 90 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,800 like, well, what if this and what if that? 91 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,240 And you know, with all the travel, the negative travel news 92 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,520 and things. And then I flipped the script on 93 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,680 myself on the way over here and I was like, what if it all works 94 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:00,240 out and we all have wonderful because my kids are traveling 95 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,720 and Brendan and I are traveling and it's just like, what if it 96 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,600 all goes great? Our brains are wired to protect, 97 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,680 so you think about what could go wrong. 98 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,360 But yeah, flipping the script and going what if everything 99 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,480 works out? What if it's? 100 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:17,560 Well, and Speaking of as we speak, I keep checking my phone 101 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:23,360 because I Zach is driving back from Colorado and that's like 102 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,080 scary they're. Fine, yeah. 103 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:32,280 Like it's about 16 hours. Well, when I'm driving I keep 104 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,720 checking his speed on the. Oh, hilarious. 105 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,560 Don't do that. That will torture you. 106 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,200 I have one child that's such a lead foot. 107 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,160 I mean, I just can't even look at that. 108 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,760 Well, I, I mean, it scared me because I saw I'm like going 109 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:48,320 into New Mexico. Well, everyone, everyone, 110 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,200 everyone. Mexico, you can't speed. 111 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,120 You get tickets. I did not know that. 112 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,600 Yes, yes. Everyone knows New Mexico. 113 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,520 I'm like, no, what? The Land of Enchantment. 114 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,200 Now you. Know. 115 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,360 New Mexico now. You know, bad SO. 116 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,160 Shit. That's all I got. 117 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,320 There's meth. Don't speed going through New 118 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,240 Mexico. Don't see any. 119 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,080 Traps. Apparently there's a math and 120 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,600 speed traps. It's speed traps. 121 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,760 I got one time Toby and I were driving to New Mexico. 122 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,200 He got a ticket and I said let me drive and then I got a 123 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,600 ticket. I got a new car, one of the 124 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:27,200 features is that when I put it on cruise control it doesn't 125 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,640 stay at my. Like if I put it on 80 for 126 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:35,600 cruise control right? If the speed limit changes, it 127 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,480 goes down to the new speed limit. 128 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,760 So it was kind of nice because then I'm not going to. 129 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,960 You could go to New Mexico. I think I'll drive through New 130 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,000 Mexico. Fly. 131 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,040 Through yeah, and it'll be no problem. 132 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,560 I never use cruise control. I don't know what that is. 133 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,680 It's a control thing. I think you want to be that. 134 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,200 I have. I've. 135 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,200 I never use it. I've tried it once or try it 136 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,560 twice. It freaks me out. 137 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,360 I like to have my foot on the thing like I want. 138 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,280 To be. Doing it right. 139 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,440 We know you want to be doing it. I want to be. 140 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,880 That's what he said. I don't know. 141 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,720 I just think it's freaky. And I have also been in a way MO 142 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,080 and I had no problems with that. And I know this is the way of 143 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,040 the future and this is where we're going with it. 144 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,640 But I do not like cruise control. 145 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,800 It's just like maybe we should not. 146 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,720 Kind of OK, Widow. Stuff. 147 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,360 Well, first of all, I want want to talk about what has been 148 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:30,000 going on in everyone's lives and you 2 had two monumental. 149 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,120 Graduations. Moments. 150 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:32,960 Moments. Yeah. 151 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,920 Had yeah big milestones 2 of us had since our husbands past our 152 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,440 first born children graduate from college. 153 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:47,000 Yeah. Which is a big, big deal and 154 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,680 we're super proud of Acelin and Gabe for graduating from 155 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,760 college. So, and it was the same weekend, 156 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,480 it was last weekend for me at University of Texas and for 157 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,920 Holly at TCU. But yeah, lots of mixed 158 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,160 emotions. I mean, for the most part, it 159 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,400 was a very joyous and fun weekend for us. 160 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,040 Just really proud of Acelyn and all the hard work she's put in. 161 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,120 And some family was able to come in. 162 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:19,000 We had a party at the house and there were two graduations. 163 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,800 One was for her business degree. The smaller it was. 164 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,960 Well, it wasn't that small, but she got to walk across and they 165 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,800 announced her name. And then the larger University 166 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,159 of Texas, which was in the stadium, which was super fun. 167 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,520 And I mean, there were fireworks and Taylor Sheridan spoke. 168 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,720 And which? I have to ask because I love 169 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,600 Taylor Sheridan. For those of you who don't know, 170 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,600 he is the creator of Land Man Yellowstone and all of the 171 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,840 prequels to Yellowstone 1919. Whatever, 1889. 172 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,320 How was he? He was great and I was just 173 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,800 having this conversation last night at with my mahjong group. 174 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,680 One of the other moms had a graduate also and she you know, 175 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,680 it was like short. It was witty. 176 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:09,360 He didn't actually attend UT he was rejected. 177 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,440 Oh, that's. Funny. 178 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,520 Oh, you actually. I think he did. 179 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,880 That's funny. So he was self deprecating and 180 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,480 super relaxed and it was great. I mean, he talked about how he 181 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,920 was sort of unconventional, not a good student, you know, Like 182 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:29,200 school wasn't really his thing. Which I love those stories 183 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,840 because you know, no path is the only path. 184 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,400 I would love to hear, like I'd love my boys to hear his speech. 185 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,080 I'm sure it's on the Internet for. 186 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:43,320 Sure on the interwebs, Kira, I'm going to out you and if you 187 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,200 don't want to talk about it I can edit it out. 188 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:50,120 But you had texted us and said you had been crying all the day 189 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,520 before. Oh, not the whole day. 190 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,960 I had a meltdown moment. I didn't cry the whole day. 191 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,960 That sounds exhausting. I think it was after the 192 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,640 Business School graduation. We were having a party at the 193 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,520 house, but no one had arrived yet. 194 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:12,520 I think that's when an Acelin came and we opened up champagne 195 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,400 and I was, I'm getting choked up now. 196 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,200 I was trying to make some kind of mom speech like about how 197 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:23,000 proud I was and how you know her, she has such a bright 198 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,000 future and how like her. And then I started to think 199 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,720 like, well, what would Frank say? 200 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,920 And, you know, and I wanted to convey to her and you know, for 201 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,240 for those of you who have lost your spouse and have children, 202 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:39,400 there are many, many moments like this, right, where you're 203 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,960 trying to incorporate their parent, you know, their other 204 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,600 parent, their father with within the moment. 205 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,960 And I just was at a loss. I kind of got like really choked 206 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:51,720 up. That's. 207 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,640 A lot of pressure to put on yourself. 208 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:57,720 And the kids were super sweet. My my son came home the night 209 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,560 before she graduated. He came home from UVA with my 210 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,920 parents who live in Virginia. They all flew in that night 211 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,200 before. So anyway, they were just all, 212 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,560 everyone was there and I just kind of couldn't get the words 213 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,000 out. And I think that spoke volumes 214 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,440 to Aslan anyway, you know that even though we've come really 215 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,200 far and Brendan, of course, was involved in all the festivities 216 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,880 and he was there. I have a new partner. 217 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,720 That doesn't mean that I don't miss their father. 218 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,120 Right. Especially in these moments 219 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,440 where he would just be over the moon at her, you know? 220 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,960 Yeah. Both of his parents were 221 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,440 educators and. Did they get to come down his 222 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,480 parents? No, you know, his mom can't 223 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,520 travel. She has Ms. Oh, that's right. 224 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,920 But we, they watched it live. They watched it live from New 225 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:53,720 Jersey, the ceremony. And I sent the video of Aslam 226 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,720 walking to all them. And then we zoomed with them the 227 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,040 following day on Mother's Day. So that side of the family was 228 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,360 all included, but they were unable to travel for the 229 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,480 festivities. But, yeah. 230 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,520 And it was wonderful. What about you, Holly? 231 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,440 How was Gabe? It was great. 232 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,280 It was, you know, I was very good about setting my 233 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,400 boundaries. I wanted, you know, just 234 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:22,640 basically to take care of myself and Zach and make sure Gabe had 235 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:27,160 it, you know, how he wanted. And so my cousin, I'm so 236 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:31,520 grateful for brought my mom and my sister and brother-in-law 237 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:37,400 were there and Gabe's girlfriend and her dad were there and. 238 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,280 Sweet. It wasn't. 239 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,000 So the night I got there Friday night and Gabe and Zach and I 240 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,920 had dinner. I wanted to get him something 241 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,560 special for graduation that he would remember. 242 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:52,080 And Toby collected watches. So I was like, I'm going to get 243 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,600 him a really nice watch. But I was looking at watches and 244 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,840 I was like, Oh my God. I just, I kept going back to 245 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,520 this one and he absolutely loved it. 246 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,840 I kind of wrote in the card, you know, my little note, and then I 247 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:10,160 wrote something about Toby and how he collected watches and all 248 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,760 that. So that was special. 249 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,680 And then so the day of the graduation was great. 250 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,040 It the ceremony was beautiful. It was. 251 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,720 You know, you guys just had the one ceremony and then did he get 252 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,800 to walk the stage? Yeah, Yeah, because it's a 253 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,920 smaller school. It's smaller and they had three 254 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,520 under undergrad graduations that day. 255 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:40,120 So it was just split, split it up maybe like just under 1000 256 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,000 students. Yeah, it was really cool. 257 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,520 And they had like the purple and white like streamer things go 258 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,360 off at the end and no one had their cameras ready. 259 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:54,520 And I was like, I was like, no, to anyone graduating next year, 260 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,200 have your camera ready after they seeing the they. 261 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,280 Should have told you that. I don't know it was. 262 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:05,640 Crazy like the McCombs ceremony was quite long, but they were 263 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,840 allowed to sit with their friends and so it wasn't 264 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,520 alphabetical. That's nice and. 265 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,400 So you're waiting for your kid to walk, but you don't know. 266 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,080 And they were. Reading the names really 267 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,280 quickly. And so I'm texting her from our 268 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,560 seats, like, who's going before you? 269 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,760 And she's like, oh, my friend Camille is going before me. 270 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,520 And she has a super long last name. 271 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,640 It was like Camille something slash something slash something 272 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,760 slash something. So as soon as that girl walked, 273 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,160 I hit record and I somehow caught a. 274 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,480 Oh wow. That you're holding. 275 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,520 Really hard. 20 minutes, right as you think. 276 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:41,680 Yeah, maybe that brunette with long hair is mine down there. 277 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,080 Like well. That's why with that many people 278 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,040 not. Put things on their caps so that 279 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,000 I. Did not and I would recommend 280 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,480 that my. Boys do that. 281 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:49,840 I. Was. 282 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,920 Playing, but that would have never happened with Gabe. 283 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,080 But Gabe didn't even want to walk. 284 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,120 Like he's like, do I have to? And I'm like, OK, backing up. 285 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:02,160 Gabe was a 2020 High School graduate, so it. 286 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,160 Was no. Big deal to me. 287 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,960 I'm like, Oh no, you're walking across the stage. 288 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,000 But he was like really funny about it. 289 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,000 Well, was there any grief for you, Holly? 290 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,440 I know we talked about it. You know, it was like, no, I and 291 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,600 I posted on the insider's page like it. 292 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,040 It was such a happy day. I never got sad. 293 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,160 I was just so happy for Gabe. And but of your graduates looked 294 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,640 so cute and excited, I'm excited for the next chapter for them, 295 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,240 Yeah. Yeah, I would say the big 296 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,520 difference between high school and colleges like high schools. 297 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,600 And my kids went to a smaller private school here in Austin. 298 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,760 So high school felt more like a family affair with the school, 299 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:44,320 right? Yeah. 300 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,520 I knew the teachers. I knew the administrators, I 301 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,240 knew the coaches, I knew the other families. 302 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,640 Like it was really like a family celebration. 303 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,840 This was really more about Aslan and her friends and her 304 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:01,000 experience. And so it really was just sort 305 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,000 of a different vibe because it really was her, her experience 306 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,360 there, you know, and I wasn't really a part of. 307 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,200 Right, you didn't know of. It I didn't, I never met a 308 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,240 professor or knew right. Very much. 309 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,960 I'm going to meet all my children's professors. 310 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,160 Please don't do that. Probably, well, Whitney and it 311 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:21,360 was really sweet because so we went, did lunch after and then 312 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:26,760 more of my family came, like my nephews came and Tua, Gabe's 313 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,960 best friends that he's known since kindergarten, came. 314 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,920 It was really sweet. It was just neat to see him like 315 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,480 come that far together. And Aislyn had a great four 316 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,920 years. I mean, she loved her time 317 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,480 there. And she also started a little 318 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:47,600 bit in COVID, wasn't necessarily wanting to go to school in her 319 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,040 backyard where she grew up and ended up just having an amazing 320 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,280 time. Well. 321 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,760 My my kid is going to be a junior. 322 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,480 He just finished his sophomore year at OU and one of my kids 323 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,560 and he came home and he was like, I'm sad. 324 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,960 I was sad to leave my fraternity because he lived at the 325 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,800 fraternity house. I'm like, I'm sure you are sad 326 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,359 to leave that. Now he's treating my house like 327 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:15,440 a fraternity house, which is an issue, but he he is very aware 328 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,240 that time is moving. He said that to me when I walked 329 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,400 in tonight. I was like, hey, Congrats on 330 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,520 finishing another year. And he's like, yeah, it goes by 331 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,400 fast. He was hanging on to, oh, I'm 332 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:34,480 sad that what just happened is over, you know, and that made me 333 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:39,520 a little bit sad for him. But that's such a good, a good 334 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,960 thing. I mean, I kind of have the 335 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:45,360 opposite with Zach. Like he this morning I called 336 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,480 him before he left and I'm like, are you OK? 337 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,160 And he's like, I've been crying for two hours and I'm sorry if I 338 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,280 wasted a lot of your money this year. 339 00:17:54,280 --> 00:18:00,160 And he had a a a challenging freshman year being in another 340 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,440 state. He is going back next fall. 341 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,960 But it wasn't your dreamy. Yeah. 342 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,960 Freshman year and. It and it and it isn't always 343 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,600 and every kid is different. And yeah, I mean, I think that's 344 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,360 a good thing to talk about just for a moment, because I know 345 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,720 plenty of kids, the college experience is built up on this 346 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:26,640 like pedestal and it maybe isn't the best years of their life or 347 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,720 there's a rocky start or there's a transition, just like anything 348 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,640 else in life, you know? And that's that's. 349 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,560 All that is my advice too, because we've been, he has this 350 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,800 coach that he works with that's she's like, I talk about 351 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,840 expectations because your parents are like, oh, college 352 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,680 was the best time in my life. And a lot of these kids, 353 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:51,240 including mine, went in to an out of State College where he 354 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:56,800 knew no one and it was hard. And he's like, you know, 355 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,480 thinking this is going to be the best time in my life. 356 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,360 In my life, yeah. He didn't know. 357 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:06,680 Don't get me wrong, he had a lot of fun like he loves Colorado, 358 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,480 but the school part and. And making friends, it's hard, 359 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,880 hard. It's not it's not the same as it 360 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,440 was. And I hate to be like an old 361 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,840 person going back in my day, but the truth is we. 362 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,400 Didn't have no apple. But we had Xerox machines and 363 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,360 there is no Mozong and Kira. Still has her Xerox. 364 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,880 Kira's still living in the good old days still. 365 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:33,160 Xerox and. Kids Xerox and rubbers, you 366 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,760 know, it's harder for our kids, I think than it was for us to 367 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,960 meet people. You know, I love that you 368 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,720 brought it up, Holly, because, and this is a good life lesson 369 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,200 for all of us. I think the expectations can 370 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,360 torture you. Anybody's life. 371 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,440 I know I have it. Like especially with vacations 372 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,280 and travel, I always think it's going to be the best trip ever. 373 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,880 And then I get. You just have. 374 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,720 To go with me, yeah. Or I just have to go with Holly. 375 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,240 And actually I have to go without children. 376 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,720 And then it's a great. Vacation always amazing with. 377 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,280 Children, yeah, but you want to create. 378 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:11,200 You want to create these moments, especially because your 379 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,640 family has been disrupted. You're trying to be perfect. 380 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:19,000 Yeah, these family moments to be perfect and even graduation, 381 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,400 you, you build it up and you want it to be perfect for them. 382 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,480 And you want to say the perfect thing. 383 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,520 Like Kira was struggling with, you know, what would Frank say 384 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,600 in this moment? And you know, that puts a lot of 385 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,960 pressure on us. Oh yeah, I mean, I I wouldn't 386 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,280 even try to go there. There's no way I could. 387 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,880 Definitely did this year though, which really helped is I just 388 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,000 kept it really low key, really low key. 389 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,880 I mean, I didn't fuss about any of it. 390 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,880 I didn't fuss about, I mean, if you're, if you're having 391 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,640 graduation in your hometown, it's easy. 392 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:57,400 I didn't fuss about reservations or having the gift in that 393 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,160 moment. I'm like, you know, here's your 394 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:05,080 four years of college and study abroad, like having graduation. 395 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,560 Right, here you go. And other things that you've 396 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:11,920 received. I I somehow found a way around 397 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,840 my usual overthinking and over obsessing. 398 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,840 It makes everything so much better and. 399 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,440 It was so I just really didn't care. 400 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,720 Like for the party we had, it was like, you know. 401 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,560 It was great, though it was also the. 402 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:30,960 Filler and pizza order and super low key and a lot of people were 403 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,720 out of town. You know, some people came, some 404 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,240 people didn't come. There wasn't any hand wringing 405 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,080 over like who was there, who wasn't there? 406 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,000 Who like left early and went to another grad party. 407 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,280 You know, I just, I just didn't get a buck right. 408 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,800 And as long as Acelyn was happy and that was what was so great 409 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,440 about it. All I had to focus on was, you 410 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,040 know, she was really caught up in coordinating with her friends 411 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,200 and walking over together and getting in the fountain at 3:00 412 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,240 AM or whatever they do. And UT fountain, it's a 413 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,760 tradition. They all jump in. 414 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:06,600 That's funny. Anyway, so all the things just 415 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,440 fell by the wayside because for whatever reason I just wasn't 416 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,600 that caught up in it. Yeah. 417 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,760 What do you think? What kept you from I? 418 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,240 Think it's age. Being so you're tired. 419 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,600 You're just tired. It's. 420 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:24,880 Just my 50s and maybe just the time, I'm sure the time since 421 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,800 Frank died being longer than, you know, some of our listeners 422 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,120 and some of our widows that are early. 423 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,680 It's not as easy to compartmentalize whether it's so 424 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,360 new and fresh. I, I think I've just gone 425 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:41,200 through a lot of these occasions now. 426 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:45,400 I've get just like anything, you kind of get practiced at it and 427 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,200 it just doesn't become that big of a deal. 428 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,000 And it's also like, well, what can go wrong? 429 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,680 Yeah, I will say this. I did check in when I was her at 430 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,960 one point like you are like you are graduating. 431 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,200 Right, like you, I said the same thing I. 432 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,720 Haven't even looked at your grades and you're, you've 433 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,200 completed all your coursework and you're walking the stage and 434 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,240 you're getting a diploma. I mean, you have to have these 435 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,880 conversations. Like on the flag. 436 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,400 She was super busy with two jobs and finishing the semester and 437 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,480 she was like, yes, mom. And then I would get these 438 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,080 emails from the school, like, did you buy graduation tickets? 439 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,240 And did you, you know, submit for submit for graduation? 440 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,880 I guess you have to kind of make sure you've like applied for 441 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:29,760 graduate. I don't know. 442 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,040 So I did have a funny conversation with her around 443 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:36,040 that where I was just like, this is all lined up right? 444 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,240 And she's like, yes. Mom, did she get her own? 445 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,640 And did Gabe get their own like like their cap and gown and 446 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,120 stuff? Like, yeah, she did everything 447 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:47,400 she had to get the. Well, and the, well words and I 448 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,880 kept, I kept asking like, did you get your cap and gown? 449 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,920 And he's like, I have not gotten the e-mail yet. 450 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,400 It's not time yet. And then of course, they send 451 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,600 the e-mail to the parents. He was, I think on spring break. 452 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,760 So I was like, I'm just gonna well, he got it too. 453 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,600 I was like, I'll just order it. Hey, what up? 454 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,040 But same kind of conversations, like literally the week before, 455 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,800 I was like, so do you know what time you have to be at the 456 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,120 ceremony? Like, and he's like, I don't 457 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,600 know, I haven't heard anything. I'm meeting with my advisor this 458 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,200 week. And I was like, it's like in 459 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,040 five days, like that's funny it all. 460 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,840 Worked again, this is for someone whose daughter graduated 461 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,760 in our town down the street. I think if you're, I've talked 462 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,560 to a lot of parents who are navigating the out of town like 463 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,520 you had to do Holly and it's a lot trickier because I mean, I 464 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,600 have some dear friends going to Brown next weekend and they had 465 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,040 to get a house. They have a big family. 466 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,080 The house cost a fortune. Then you're trying to feed all 467 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,800 these people and. See, well, that's when I, I 468 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:49,120 mean, that's why I stepped out. I was like, I'm going on Friday. 469 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,560 I'm getting a hotel room for Zach and I. 470 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:57,360 Everyone else. Here's the map of the parking 471 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:02,800 and where you know, like where the event is and I'm out. 472 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:07,280 I mean, I because I didn't want to take that on and I think. 473 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:12,080 It's one thing that you do learn as a widow as the years go by. 474 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:17,440 You cannot, you have to delegate and you cannot control all the 475 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,560 other adults. And if you just can't as a 476 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,840 single parent or, you know, no partner helping you coordinate, 477 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,800 you have to kind of focus on the most important thing, which is 478 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,640 you and your child who's graduating and probably your 479 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,320 parent, your aging parents, and the rest is just everyone else 480 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,200 can figure it out, you know? I love when we like think of it 481 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,320 in widow terms and what you've learned. 482 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,040 And so one of the things that I was thinking to ask you both is 483 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:50,320 thinking back to sadly, when these kids lost their dads at 484 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,640 very young ages. How old was Aslan 11 and Gabe? 485 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:59,600 Gabe was 14. And being so fearful, right, of 486 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,760 what's going to happen to them, how are they going to survive 487 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,800 this? And now fast forwarding to their 488 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:11,000 graduating, I'm getting teary graduating from college, you 489 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,600 know, like, what would you whisper to yourself back then? 490 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:22,880 I mean, I guess it's not going to be easy getting there, but 491 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:27,000 you will get there and it might not look exactly as you thought 492 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,160 it was going to, but they're going to be fine on whatever 493 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,280 path. Well, and I also feel like 494 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:38,360 everything that you think about, like you think they're feeling 495 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:46,080 some way, they're not necessarily feeling the way you 496 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,840 think they're feeling. Yes. 497 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,880 Does that make sense? Yeah, you're projecting on them. 498 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,680 Like, I'm like, how are they going to survive without a dad? 499 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,600 And I mean well, like on the episode when they were on it. 500 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:05,400 Eastland even said it hasn't been as big a part of my life as 501 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:10,560 I think other people think foisted it on me as this huge 502 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,360 part of my story. It kind of makes me sad. 503 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:17,320 I think this is the balance of like, and, and yes, I, all of 504 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,400 our kids have said like, I don't know what my life would have 505 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,760 been like had my dad lived, but I like my life, right? 506 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,520 And in a way. And I think especially for the 507 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,960 widows whose husbands died when their children were very young, 508 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:34,560 so they don't have the memories or the influence, it can be sad 509 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:39,720 for the widow to think, oh, their dad is not, you know, as 510 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,720 big of a presence as I would have liked for him to be like. 511 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,200 But what would we want? I mean, we certainly don't want 512 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:49,120 them crying and, you know, and devastated their entire lives 513 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,680 because they lost their dad. Do you know what I'm saying? 514 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,960 Did I? Finish the balance of like 515 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,320 holding his memory but also doing what he would want, which 516 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:02,160 is getting on and having a successful life right even 517 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,520 though he's not here. OK. 518 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,920 Can we talk about? No, let's talk about. 519 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,640 Talk about the tattoo. Oh yes, and did you mention the 520 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,080 shoes? Because I had to step away for a 521 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:13,480 second. Did you? 522 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,440 Oh, I didn't mention the shoes. So talk about what Gabe did, 523 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,200 Yeah. Well, I went up a few weeks 524 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:25,720 before graduation and my nephew and his his fiance took photos 525 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:29,680 of senior photos of Gabe and of course I went shopping and 526 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,480 bought him a bunch of clothes, including shoes. 527 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:33,880 He didn't he. Didn't wear any he. 528 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,600 Didn't wear any of it. He's like, I know what I want to 529 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,000 wear. I already have you bought. 530 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:44,640 I'm wearing my suit pants and my button down and and my shoes 531 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:49,320 that I always wear to formals. Well, they're Toby's shoes and 532 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,520 they're, they were like brand new when Gabe got him like 4 533 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:58,600 years ago and when when he got his suit and I was like, oh, I 534 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:03,360 have dad's shoes now. They look very well, right? 535 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,520 Yeah. But I love that he. 536 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,320 Walked. The stage in Toby's shoes, yes. 537 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,840 So he was like, I'm wearing these shoes. 538 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,840 I don't need new. I don't need new shoes. 539 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,800 I mean, he's so much like his dad. 540 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,760 Yes, he wore his dad's shoes when he walked across the stage 541 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,360 because those are his only dress shoes. 542 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,720 He does not want any new well. I wonder if you can, I don't 543 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:30,040 know the right word, refurbish or like when they start to get 544 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,040 really rundown, can you like? I'm sure back again. 545 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,920 Oh yes, the right cobbler. Cobler. 546 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:42,000 Oh shit. That is such a East Coast thing. 547 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,360 It's such a New York my. Cobbler. 548 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,600 Boots I wore New York that at my prize boots and every time 549 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:49,640 they're. Really. 550 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,800 Cobbler. They came back brand new. 551 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,760 They would like. Oh. 552 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,680 Wow. And then I moved to Austin and 553 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,520 took him to like the shoe Hospital and they were like, Oh 554 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:00,120 no, these are going in the dumpster. 555 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,840 And I was like, no, why can't you say it? 556 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:07,960 Finish your, your, your story about how Gabe was involved in 557 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,280 the touch, bringing his dad in. Yeah. 558 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,680 OK, so the. Tattoo. 559 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,120 The tattoo. The. 560 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,240 Plane. The plane? 561 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,440 No, just no. I'm. 562 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:24,160 Sorry. All right, so a few weekends ago 563 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:30,840 and Gabe and I went up to Colorado to see Zach and I met 564 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,880 him in the airport in DFW and he's like, I have something to 565 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,520 show you. And I was like, OK. 566 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:44,720 And he's like I got a tattoo. And I was like, oh, I didn't say 567 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:45,800 that. I didn't say that. 568 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:49,560 Let me back up. I'm thinking to myself, oh shit, 569 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,360 like what'd you get and where is it then? 570 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,880 You know, like you now, we would never do that in a million. 571 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,680 Years born from. It is. 572 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:04,360 So he's like, well, I want to tell you the story before I show 573 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,480 you. So two of his good friends that 574 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,720 he met on their TCU students in his same school of study that 575 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,400 they. Yeah, you. 576 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,600 Can say that you know it's allowed. 577 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,480 Well, I don't know if they're his. 578 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,680 OK, cut that part out. Backing up. 579 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,440 Why aren't you? Bleeding. 580 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,960 Saying filmmaking. Well, I don't know that they're 581 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,640 necessarily film. They, I don't know if they're 582 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:36,000 whatever. So Gabe says he wants to tell me 583 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,520 the story. So he has these two good friends 584 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:43,920 that he met that are in the film school at TCU with him, but they 585 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,160 met in Ireland on their study abroad and they became good 586 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,080 friends there. They both lost a parent as well. 587 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,480 Oh wow. And one of the guys, dad was a 588 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:58,000 pilot and and then his friend Lily. 589 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,000 Did he die in a plane crash? I don't know how he died. 590 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,400 So interesting because I was thinking it and I was going to 591 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,160 make a joke and then I just kept quiet, but I was thinking the 592 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:07,440 same thing. Like, I don't know. 593 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,400 I have. I can't remember if Gabe told 594 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:10,760 me. I'm sure he didn't. 595 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,280 I'm sure it was like. How he died, I don't remember 596 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,720 how he died. I don't know if Gabe told me, 597 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:21,960 but I do know that Lily's mom died of cancer like a year ago. 598 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,960 And so he's like, we've been talking about this for a long 599 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,440 time and we all went and got tattoos together. 600 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,360 That's awesome to. Honor their fathers. 601 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,960 Yes. And so Gabe got Toby was a 602 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,760 graphic designer and gave God his logo. 603 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,240 I'll show you. We need to post it on. 604 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:42,960 Yeah. Did you never post it? 605 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,560 I felt like, yeah, it's so great. 606 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,960 No, I hadn't, because I hadn't. Even told Kira. 607 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,920 And then what were the other? What did the other two kids get 608 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:56,840 for their dads? The pilot wings and the Lily's 609 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:01,680 mom's her heart rate, her heart, heart, heartbeat, heartbeat 610 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,600 that. That kills me. 611 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,920 That is such a cool logo. Isn't that great? 612 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,360 We'll post it on our social so that you guys can see. 613 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,920 But yeah, it was really sweet. And of course, you know, I got 614 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,440 teary eyed. Oh my God. 615 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,080 Cried, I would assume in that moment. 616 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,560 I asked did you immediately run out and get the same tattoo Like 617 00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,560 I don't want to get it would be like when? 618 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,280 No, because she has hers. Yeah, I love your tattoo. 619 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,120 He had such pretty handwriting. Hunter is like I. 620 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,440 Like. It no look at the E it's like 621 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:35,000 off. To the. 622 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:41,120 Side you see that it's like sweetie EI wish I would have 623 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,920 chosen a different one but Oh well it's. 624 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,360 Forever can I tell a funny tattoo story which we can cut 625 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,680 out later? But my dear friend Michael, who 626 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:55,080 is like just one of my favorite people in the world, he, he 627 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,360 would come and visit me quite a bit in the hospital. 628 00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,920 He's one of those people that would work a long day and then 629 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:02,280 would come and make time to come see me. 630 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,280 I was in the hospital for almost 3 months for those of you that 631 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,159 are listening. And then I was in a rehab thing 632 00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:10,560 and then I couldn't walk even when I got home. 633 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,880 But anyway, so having visitors was pretty exciting and he made 634 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:20,040 the time to visit me and he even did my hair in the hospital, 635 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,639 which I think I've told this story. 636 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,159 I don't. Remember about how my hair so 637 00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:29,120 I'd super super long hair at the time of the accident and then I 638 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:30,080 didn't need a. Photo. 639 00:34:30,159 --> 00:34:33,840 Accident Need a photo? I guess it was covered in like 640 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,520 iodine and maybe some blood and maybe some did. 641 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,760 You have surgeries on your head, on your like skull, face, your 642 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:47,360 face, but in your in your hair. Skull but I just know from 643 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,520 others that when they saw me in the ICU and things and it made 644 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:54,679 me take a gruesome turn but. We do it all here on every the 645 00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:57,120 tattoos, every widow's. Tattoo story. 646 00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:00,440 Anyway, Michael did my ultimately did my hair. 647 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,520 He ended up cutting it all off and washing it. 648 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,600 In the hospital. In the hospital and I had to 649 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,280 like, you know, they had to wash it. 650 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,640 I couldn't move. I was not able to walk and 651 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,000 things. So they had to kind of wheel me 652 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,720 over to like this utility closet. 653 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:13,360 Oh. My just. 654 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,840 To have your hair washed like this sweet friend. 655 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,520 Who? Yes, that's very intimate too, 656 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,880 for someone to wash her hair. And only Michael, I think I 657 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,000 would have been comfortable with it. 658 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,440 I mean, initially one of my best friends, Aceland's godmother 659 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,720 actually from DC, showed up and was, I was like, it needs to be 660 00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:32,160 braided because it was just like such a hot mess. 661 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,360 I guess when I was in the ICU, she talked to the nurses and was 662 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:36,920 like, we need some braids or something. 663 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,400 This needs to be like handled. And then later on, after 664 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,920 multiple other surgeries and once I was on the more 665 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:47,160 intermediate floor, Michael came, washed it and did this 666 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,000 really cute Bob. Is he a hairdresser or does he 667 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,280 OK? I was about to say I would 668 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:51,880 trust. Many. 669 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,680 Men So Long story short, yeah, Michael, I saw him today. 670 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,480 He and his husband recently, they've been together like 30 671 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,560 years. They recently went and got 672 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,040 matching tattoos and his husband is Latin. 673 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,200 So like his tattoo came out like beautifully. 674 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,280 It's like on the inner. And then Michael is fair like me 675 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,240 and his was like a little blurry. 676 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,680 And we were just joking about it today in the salon because he's 677 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,400 like, yeah, so mine didn't turn out great. 678 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,760 And the tattooist, I was like, did the tattoo guy like, because 679 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,400 it's the exact same tattoo, right? 680 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,240 Did he have like a few drinks between like, Sergio and you? 681 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,800 And he's like, it's just my skin, babe. 682 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,160 That's so funny. Man. 683 00:36:36,720 --> 00:36:40,840 Old and it's like, you know, not as it's soft, I guess is what 684 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,400 the guys. Yeah, it's soft skin. 685 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,040 And I was like, that's good for cuddling. 686 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,800 But I was like me too, I have soft skin. 687 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,640 Do you have a tattoo? I don't have any because I have 688 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:50,800 soft skin. I. 689 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,720 Think we need to fix that. I do too. 690 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,000 My skin just doesn't like, I mean, I ever do. 691 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,960 Oh, come. On I have the same skin as you. 692 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,440 It's not good tattoo skin. It's all I'm saying. 693 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,560 Well, it didn't got to be my son who's fair. 694 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:09,680 And a ginger. Never, never can the ginger get 695 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,600 a tattoo. I ever dude, I'm ginger, I've 696 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,520 got my it's fair. No, I'm fair. 697 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:16,680 You just don't want him to get a. 698 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,840 He just can't. His face is too sweet for a 699 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,280 tattoo. And just isn't there are. 700 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,360 You saying my kids face is not too sweet? 701 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:25,840 That's too late for him. He's already got. 702 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:34,600 One but I love. I love the story, like me. 703 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:39,000 But what surprised me about it is thinking back to a few years 704 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:44,040 before he was living like his freshman and sophomore year, 705 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:48,360 he's living with friends that he never told that his dad died, 706 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,160 right? And he's like, why would I tell 707 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,320 him? And now he has these friends. 708 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,200 Whose dads died? Yeah, and a mom. 709 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,600 Yeah. Yeah, so it's like, I think 710 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,200 it's. I want to know how it came up. 711 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,080 I need to ask him. Frat formal and he's now a 712 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,200 sophomore too. He was like, it's couple, couple 713 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,600 guys came up. I mean, they were drinking, 714 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,160 obviously, and they were older and they were like, or some of 715 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,800 them maybe were his ear just, you know, they find the mom and 716 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,880 they give the drunken speech about how amazing your son is. 717 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,840 Yeah. And your son is, he's a fast 718 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,880 dude. And when were I was having a 719 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:26,480 hard time and he found me. I'm just sweet, sweet that they 720 00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,200 came up and told me a few of them. 721 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,880 And I just said something like, well, I think, you know, because 722 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,640 he lost his dad, he has a lot of empathy. 723 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,520 And they're like, what? Is a record scratch. 724 00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:41,600 His dad, I mean, they're and they're looking at Brendan and 725 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,080 I'm like. That's that's not the dad. 726 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,840 Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. 727 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,000 They don't say anything. They don't say anything. 728 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,240 Reveal. It very often, especially the 729 00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:55,000 boys. Yeah, I mean, and I think I 730 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,120 asked Gabe about it then. This is a lot a while back. 731 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,640 And he's like, what am I gonna just gonna walk around and say 732 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,480 my dad died? And I'm like, yes, exactly. 733 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,200 That's. What? 734 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:09,720 Food's here. And on that note, hold. 735 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,760 On OK, I'm going to switch gears here. 736 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:19,520 OK, you can do that. I'm going to do a gear switch. 737 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:26,520 We are now moving into year three of every widow thing and 738 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,160 this is episode 50, which I think is a big deal. 739 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,240 It's a huge deal. 50 episodes. It's a big deal. 740 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:38,120 I would love to hear because obviously I came from the 741 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,480 background of radio and entertainment. 742 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,880 But when I first pitched this and, and by the way, everyone 743 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,480 was gung ho. Like everybody said, yes, let's 744 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,200 do it. But you didn't really know what 745 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,000 you were getting into. And so I would love to talk a 746 00:39:55,000 --> 00:40:00,880 little bit about where you were year 1 on the podcast versus 747 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,680 where you are stepping into year three. 748 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,000 What do you think about this journey? 749 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,880 I mean, going back and revisiting, especially for like 750 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,360 you, Kira, you were a little farther along than Holly and I 751 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,240 and having to go back and revisit early times, talk about 752 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:22,200 things that maybe you hadn't talked about before. 753 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,120 And Holly, you aren't. You don't have Widows 754 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:29,120 Tourette's. So it's not like you were 755 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,000 sharing a lot with other people either. 756 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,960 So having to bare your souls. Well, obviously, you know, it 757 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:40,360 was really hard for me to talk on a mic on a microphone. 758 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,160 Well, I think that it was harder like seeing when back when we 759 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:48,920 did the video that was intimidating and I and listening 760 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,840 to the early episodes. Like. 761 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,840 Real. Like dress cute and yeah, do. 762 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:56,080 Their hair. But what you've realized now is 763 00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:57,760 you're. Scrambling around as a widow and 764 00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,920 you're like, I had to drop off kids and then I had to walk the 765 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,640 dog and I had to work out and then I have to go shower and 766 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:05,520 look cute for my podcast. Right. 767 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,280 And talk about death. And that was a lot. 768 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,200 I'm like, oh, I got to wear makeup today. 769 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,480 Yeah. Going back to thinking about the 770 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:18,680 beginning, it was draining and healing and like going back and 771 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,440 like telling our stories. I think that's a perfect way of 772 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,760 saying it. Because I'd never really sat 773 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,960 down and told, I mean, the whole story. 774 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:34,800 And I always had this weird like, or in the early days, I 775 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,560 was like, I want to go on the news and tell the story so 776 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:41,560 everybody knows he was killed by a drunk driver, you know, And 777 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,160 because, I mean, that wasn't like, out there in the beginning 778 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:48,520 because we had to wait for the toxology report. 779 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:52,080 That took three months. I mean it was literally like his 780 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,480 family was telling lies online that he had a flat tire or 781 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,160 something. Oh wow, we had. 782 00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:00,680 To wait for the toxology. And it was awful, Yeah. 783 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:08,080 But so, yeah, I mean to answer your question and yeah, OK. 784 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:13,720 Yeah, it's hard and I and it is it is draining even for me, for 785 00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:17,520 somebody who loves to talk about it, having to talk about it 786 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:22,000 consistently and come up with, you know, for me especially like 787 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,560 I want to end on a positive note. 788 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:29,240 I want to have a spin that makes people feel hopeful, even when 789 00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:32,520 there were moments, many moments where I, I don't know y'all 790 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,840 don't believe it, but where I didn't always feel hopeful And 791 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:41,120 even not to depress people, but even seven years in, just there 792 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:44,360 have been days recently where I'm on my couch like getting 793 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:49,040 teary of like, you know, this is my life now and this is not and 794 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:53,160 and by the way, my life is great and I'm very blessed, but it is 795 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,360 not the life that I thought I was signing up for. 796 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:02,960 And there are moments where I miss the person that I thought I 797 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,200 was going to spend my entire life with. 798 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,000 That does not take away from the people that are in my life now, 799 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,920 but it is different. And especially when you have 800 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:19,320 children, you want that person that is half of your your 801 00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,120 children. And I think to that point, I 802 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:25,040 miss that so much. Like, I miss having the other 803 00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:30,040 person that remembers. Remember that time we took that 804 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:34,160 trip to Florida with the kids and like, Thomas did this or, 805 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:39,560 you know, it's just having that other historian almost to your 806 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:44,200 story, remembering when the kids were little, remembering like 807 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,200 just like the births and things like that. 808 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,400 You know, I mean, Frank is the only other person that was there 809 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,720 with me. So yeah, it's still, it's a loss 810 00:43:56,080 --> 00:44:00,240 that reverberates through the lifetime for sure. 811 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:03,960 When you know that moment that you choose to marry or even just 812 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:08,600 have a child with someone, you know, everything from then 813 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,280 forward you want them to be a part of. 814 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,640 And when that's taken away, it's really, really hard. 815 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:19,480 So I, I really felt like for me, I had revisited the trauma some 816 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,920 in therapy, obviously, and my trauma was just obviously 817 00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,840 compounded. I mean, I was injured and my 818 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,360 daughter was injured. We nearly died. 819 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:35,080 There was years of, you know, surgeries and physical therapy. 820 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:39,720 I grieved other things too. I grieved, you know, what had 821 00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:43,080 happened to my body. I grieved what had happened to 822 00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:47,760 Karis, you know, the future. I still grieve that what was 823 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,720 taken from her in terms of her injuries and her disabilities, 824 00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,760 there was so much grief that it's just too much to process 825 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,560 all at once. And I was really trying hard to 826 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,920 move on. So then when we did the podcast, 827 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:03,960 it was like, let's tell a bunch of people, and I'm really not. 828 00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:06,200 Let's tell everyone. I'm really. 829 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,120 Pretty private. I actually like got off like 830 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,560 after the accident happened and the whole town knew that like we 831 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,360 were just taken out on the freeway by a drunk driver. 832 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,240 I just like went off Facebook and didn't. 833 00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:23,840 I just like hit away and, you know, my close friends who were 834 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,960 with me in the hospital when I was on a lot of Dilaudid, I had 835 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:31,160 a lot of fantasies about moving away to places where nobody knew 836 00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:35,000 me and nobody knew what had happened to our family. 837 00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:37,200 So I had a lot of escapism there. 838 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,960 But so doing the podcast was uncomfortable in terms of 839 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:46,080 revisiting a lot of that pain and a lot of that trauma. 840 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:50,280 But at the end of the day, like I said, like we got all the way 841 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,800 to that meet and greet and I met some people that were like, 842 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,760 you've really helped me. And that kind of turned it 843 00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,400 around. I, it just felt very real at 844 00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,440 that point, Like maybe maybe we are helping some people. 845 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,080 Maybe there's, we're feeling in need. 846 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,560 I mean, I remember the whole reason I wanted to get involved 847 00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,360 and start. This was like when I when it 848 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:14,560 happened to me, I couldn't find. There was no one I could turn 849 00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,520 to. You just wanted to hear 850 00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,960 someone's story and hear that they're OK. 851 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:26,120 I was so young and I had such young kids and the widow groups 852 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:32,480 I looked at were aging people and cancer survivors and there's 853 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:36,240 no cancer loss and Hospice and like nothing. 854 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,520 That's very much a part of, you know, being a widow. 855 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,360 Lots of cancer widows out there, but that wasn't my story. 856 00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,840 Mine was like this violent car wreck. 857 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:50,360 So and my my daughter was involved and I was involved. 858 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:54,920 So like there was just nothing out there for me and so. 859 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,800 It's all. Hard. 860 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,920 It's all equally hard. It's all. 861 00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,720 Hard but back to like the podcast journey. 862 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:04,960 It was sort of like, well, how can we fill a need? 863 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:09,160 How can we serve? How can we fill, fill a void 864 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,040 that wasn't there for for us, right? 865 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:16,840 And then we found it in the four of us here in town and thought 866 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,120 we should share it. I mean, I mean, we found this 867 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:23,880 little group by the worst circumstances ever, but we at 868 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,320 least had each other. And then we thought, we'll we'll 869 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,520 just see if we can start talking about it and reach, reach 870 00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,480 others. I wanted to be around people 871 00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:37,240 that I wanted to smile, you know, I mean, I didn't. 872 00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:40,440 I was like, I don't want to go to one of the great fruits, 873 00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,160 whether you're sitting in a circle and people are crying. 874 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:47,480 Not not to be insensitive. I mean, that sounds really 875 00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,720 selfish, but I wanted to smile, Yeah. 876 00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:53,280 And what can we share with our our listeners? 877 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,480 That was really the thing. It was like, let's just share 878 00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:58,680 like some of the lightheartedness, like some of 879 00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:03,280 just the goofy funny, the laughing and the trauma and the 880 00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:07,040 humor that pulled us through. And then all the shit that goes 881 00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,920 on with this like horrible, horrible thing that's happened. 882 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:14,000 Humor just gets us through so much. 883 00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,640 And it's not because it doesn't matter or it's not sad. 884 00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,680 It's just we're human and we need a balance. 885 00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,600 We can't just like be down all the time. 886 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,760 We have to help lift each other up. 887 00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,920 It's OK to laugh. It's OK to have a girls weekend. 888 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,880 It's OK to have a crush on someone new. 889 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,480 It's OK to, you know, start a new job. 890 00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,760 It's OK to live your life. It's OK to move, it's OK to get 891 00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:42,800 keep his stuff, it's OK to. Clean up the closet. 892 00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,360 Go of his stuff. Sell the suits. 893 00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:46,560 Yeah, sell the. Suits. 894 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,560 The suits. The one suit. 895 00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:52,280 Sell some stuff that's like moldy I gotta back a bunch of 896 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,360 Brink stuff that had been in a dear friend's storage closet. 897 00:48:55,960 --> 00:49:00,520 A lot of it was like damaged and and it some of it was 898 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:05,520 salvageable, but it was OK. It was like, all right, this is 899 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,600 going to be easy. This is like Moldy and Zane. 900 00:49:08,720 --> 00:49:11,680 And life is telling you it's time to let go of that because 901 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:15,440 it's covered in mold. And, you know, we were talking 902 00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,360 about shoes earlier and I was just telling them that like my 903 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,440 son, my only son has an enormous foot. 904 00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,080 He's like a 13. And my husband was like only 905 00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:28,120 like an 11. So the the Prada loafers that 906 00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:32,800 Thomas is trying to cram his giant foot into, those can be 907 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:33,600 donated. That's. 908 00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,000 Not going to work out. And at the end of the day, it's 909 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,880 just things. Yeah, it's just things that's 910 00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,560 the hard. Part really the same as the 911 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:46,280 stories and the memories. You know, even if you're dating 912 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,400 or remarried or have a new partner, it's like you still. 913 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:52,480 We still talk about Frank. Brendan talks about Frank. 914 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:56,680 I mean, Brendan will be like, thank you, Frank, for letting me 915 00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:03,520 enjoy your kids and be here for, you know, your late, your wife 916 00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:07,480 and your late wife, your life. Wait, what? 917 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:10,080 OK, we're editing that up. OK. 918 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:16,040 Do I have to 'cause I will? No, I think we leave that in 919 00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,120 there. It's funny. 920 00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:23,720 This is, this is gonna go down as a Xerox moment, but no, like, 921 00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:26,640 he's a good sport about it. And he, he actually gets it. 922 00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:30,640 Like this is Frank's life that he gets to step into. 923 00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:32,680 Yeah. We have. 924 00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:34,920 We have talked for a long time. That's another episode. 925 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,720 We're going to take the. Summer like we always do, we 926 00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:41,240 take the summer to be with our kids and. 927 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:45,560 And each other and go to Bruno Mars and. 928 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:49,600 Bruno Mars. Possibly Vegas, but we are 929 00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:56,160 looking forward to a a new chapter in this widowhood. 930 00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:00,120 And message us like if you have you want. 931 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,720 Yeah, tell us what you want. Join our Insiders group. 932 00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:05,640 It's a Facebook group called Every Widow Thing Insiders. 933 00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,040 We would love to that. That's really where we can talk 934 00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:14,680 to you more directly, but feel free to DM us on Instagram or 935 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:18,080 even e-mail us at Every Widow Thing at Gmail. 936 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:22,960 Let us know what topics you would like covered, so if 937 00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:27,680 there's something that you're like needing to hear more about, 938 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,960 or you have a query about something in your life that we 939 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,240 might be able to help with, we would love to. 940 00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:37,320 An English major over here. I would love to address it. 941 00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,440 Query. Sorry I had to make fun of you 942 00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:43,000 right then, but I love your. Way What was the shoe guy? 943 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,040 The shoe. Cobbler, Cobbler. 944 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,400 Yeah, get a cobbler. Yeah, listen. 945 00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,880 Fine if you. Take nothing away from this 946 00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:52,920 episode. Get yourself a fucking cobbler. 947 00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:54,440 Get. Yourself a good cobbler. 948 00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,320 I mean, they're hard to come back. 949 00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:59,080 Or eat a cobbler. Yeah, big cobbler. 950 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:01,120 Peach cobbler, gluten free for me. 951 00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:05,040 They're delicious. On that note, we love you. 952 00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,280 Thank you for staying with us. We don't know what the next 953 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,600 season is going to look like. Yeah, thank you for listening to 954 00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:15,080 us for 50 episodes. That's a lot. 955 00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,760 Well, they maybe haven't listened to all of them, but 956 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,360 what if you? Listen to all of them, then go 957 00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:24,040 back and listen to all of them. They're so good. 958 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:28,000 Follow us so good like us do all the things Subscribe. 959 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,960 All those things, all of them, and get your cobbler. 960 00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:32,800 And. Cobbler. 961 00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:33,480 Good day. Good. 962 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:35,080 Day.