1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:06,280 This is every widow thing. OK, welcome back everyone, to 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,560 another episode of Every Widow Thing. 3 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,320 Today we're going to be talking about holidays. 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,440 I know, Obvious, obviously. We. 5 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,760 Are we going to talk about the holidays? 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:20,600 Wait, what? We are going to revisit kind of 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,400 what we're, you know, I think we touched on an earlier episode 8 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:28,640 how we tackled holidays in the beginning after our husbands 9 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,960 died. Now we're checking in on where 10 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,400 we are and how the holidays look a little bit different with big 11 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,680 kids, a summer at home, some are coming home from college. 12 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:42,440 And just how things shift a little bit when, you know, maybe 13 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,600 you're not doing the Elf on the Shelf anymore or I actually, or 14 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,040 maybe people are doing the Elf on the Shelf. 15 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:47,440 I don't know. I. 16 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,760 Bring mine out, OK. Mine. 17 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:56,560 Mine is now in my wreath. I'd never heard of it until I 18 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,280 moved here. So we do like the German 19 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:02,320 traditions that put the boot out in early December and then he 20 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,840 gets the boot, but but you fill it with treats. 21 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,200 Yeah, so it's a whole. Tradition I. 22 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,560 Remember that, hearing that? Story Put the candles on the 23 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,120 tree. I was crazy with I didn't want 24 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,800 the Elf on the Shelf. At all. 25 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,840 Because I was like I already got too much on my. 26 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,480 Plate. A lot of. 27 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,120 Extra. But then social media, I was 28 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,200 seeing all the hilarious things that people were doing with 29 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,960 their elf. And I was like, oh, I'm in. 30 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,200 And so I went a little. Off, Yeah. 31 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,600 I would think you would love. It off the trails. 32 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,280 And then I would ask Hunter occasionally, like, would you 33 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,360 just, you know, hide the elf for me? 34 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,960 And the next morning it would be just like upside down in in the 35 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,000 kitchen and I'm like really? Or is it a bottom of a bottle? 36 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,320 Yeah, that. Social media kind of screwed it 37 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,040 up for me too, because some nights I just was tired and I 38 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,160 didn't want to do an elaborate something rather and I would 39 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,920 just move her around and the kids would be like her Elvis. 40 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,240 Boring. She doesn't do anything. 41 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,240 She just moves from room to room and I'm like, OK, she's. 42 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,080 Tired. Toby was pretty creative. 43 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,640 We, Toby, had the creative ones and I was the one that just 44 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,920 moved them around. I put mine. 45 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,800 I thought it would be great to put it in one of the lights 46 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,400 that's on the stairwell. So, like, it's hiding in the 47 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,360 light on the stairs, and then someone turned the light on and 48 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,760 then we're all sitting in the den like, and I'm like, what is 49 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:26,400 that smell? My elf was burning and I had to 50 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,560 run and grab it, but it was great because then I put the elf 51 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,120 in the freezer to heal for a couple nights and I didn't have 52 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,280 to move her. Went to the trauma unit. 53 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,760 Yeah, and then I just wrapped her up with bandages. 54 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,560 Oh my God. And then, yeah, it's a great. 55 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,960 Story very end of our of Jolly's tenure. 56 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,480 I was still. I was still doing it for my 57 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,720 youngest Karas and the big kids would kind of get involved 58 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,080 sometimes. And there was 1 fateful night 59 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,480 where, I mean, she was already kind of too old, but we were 60 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,200 still going through the charade and so it was in her room. 61 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,440 Jolly was in her room and I had been out, you know, probably 62 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,760 with you guys drinking. Having some holiday tear. 63 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,240 And I, you know, get home and I'm like, Oh my God, the elf. 64 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:22,760 And so I like stagger into her room and I thought I was being 65 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:27,000 quiet, but I go, and it was literally like a freeze frame, 66 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,040 like I'm moving the elf and she wakes up. 67 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,480 And they're like. And I just, like, dropped it and 68 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,920 I just, and she goes back to sleep and I'm like, oh, I don't 69 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,160 think she saw it. Sure enough, at breakfast, it 70 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:46,240 was like, I had this dream that you were in my room moving the 71 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,840 elf around. And I was like, what? 72 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,840 Talking about girl. Have these kids had to have 73 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,120 therapy over this yet? No, but that's how we ended. 74 00:03:55,120 --> 00:04:00,840 That's how Jingle ended. Her reign over Christmas was I 75 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:05,320 decided that it would be cute to have her in Campbells room and 76 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,960 she toilet papered it his room. We did that. 77 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,720 He was so freaked out that the that the elf was in his room. 78 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,040 He was like, you got to get her out, See you can. 79 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,519 See how they would be like that? Lighter did that. 80 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,079 It's almost so scary and. Then, but I don't like. 81 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:23,280 That just like looking around or doing other things in the 82 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,760 bathroom. Santa is coming down. 83 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,440 The chimney writer was really little and that really freaked 84 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,720 him out. He was like, mom, we've been 85 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,360 burning the fire, he's going to come down the chimney. 86 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,000 And so I was like. And you're like, yeah, yeah, 87 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,440 magic. Some, some kids, they don't. 88 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,800 But yeah, he worried about. Like the footprints of the ashes 89 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:44,560 from the Santa would move the the the fireplace. 90 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,280 Screen. Screen and leave a little. 91 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,920 Boot for that. People did it outside. 92 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,360 I've learned all of this since moving to Texas. 93 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,240 I'm a little. I think it's harder now, 94 00:04:54,360 --> 00:05:00,480 especially because there's not that quote UN quote magic from 95 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,080 the little kids anymore. I find it a little more 96 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,520 difficult to bring around the holiday cheer. 97 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,200 Yeah, I think it looks different. 98 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:11,760 I think the one thing that I just wanted to say at the start 99 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:17,000 of the episode is that, you know, when you're widowed, the 100 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,920 holidays are every year. They come around all the time. 101 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,560 It's not something that you kind of get over or through or past, 102 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:29,520 and especially when you have your kids full time every year 103 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,600 it is. It's like, what's the plan? 104 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,800 And I know many of us start to think about it, even in the 105 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,480 summer. We're like, OK, you know what is 106 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,240 Christmas going to look like? What's Thanksgiving going to 107 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,840 look like? Maybe for some of you out there, 108 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,840 you know things have shifted a little bit with your in laws or 109 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:50,360 maybe you're still with your in laws or I know Frank and I used 110 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:55,400 to kind of trade off and all of that obviously changes when the 111 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,360 make up of your core family changes. 112 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:02,400 And so, you know, here we are 12:00 and 9:00 and 5:00 and 113 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,720 seven years later still kind of grappling with what it's going 114 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,840 to look like, you know, when our kids come back from college and 115 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,480 how are we going to spend time together and so. 116 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,400 I I it is interesting about the in laws and it's something that 117 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:24,160 you really have to be mindful of still including them sometimes. 118 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,720 I can't be doing Christmas with my side of the family every 119 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,280 year. You know it's not if I'm if I 120 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,600 get along with my in laws and I'm trying to include them you 121 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,520 know you want to make sure that you give them some time and. 122 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:41,040 Get them all together. No, I have. 123 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,760 Maybe once. I think the first Thanksgiving 124 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,920 after Hunter died, we did get everybody together. 125 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:52,600 We did too. But after that again my family 126 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:59,080 is loud and can kind of take the attention and and and they saw 127 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,200 my family more so I. All of them are. 128 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,080 Now they're here now. Now. 129 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,360 His parents moved here, I can't remember when. 130 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,600 And that was another thing that I was like, uh, when they first 131 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,200 said we're going to move here, we're going to move closer to 132 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,720 you, I was really against it. I didn't tell them that at the 133 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,680 time, but I was nervous that I was going to have to take on 134 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,880 their grief. It was going to be too much for 135 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,960 me just. Protecting yourself and your 136 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,480 emotional capacity. Right, but ended up being great. 137 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,080 You know, mine was in Germany and right, you know, and my 138 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,560 parents were in Mississippi and and Oliver liked having it at 139 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,600 our house. He was like, I'm tired of always 140 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,520 going somewhere else for Christmas, but with only three 141 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:44,240 people now down to two, it just didn't feel like Christmas to me 142 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,240 if there weren't a lot of people around. 143 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,840 So it's always challenging that, you know, some Christmases, we 144 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,680 would go to Germany and that always felt a little bit sad for 145 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,120 me. And then that he would go to my 146 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,360 house and like yours, it's it's chaos. 147 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,680 We have a lot of people that come to our Christmases. 148 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,640 It's not as much like that anymore. 149 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:06,000 I wish it was. People and and this just happens 150 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,800 when you're first a widow and young children, people are 151 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,240 keeping you in their thoughts and they're like, oh, we should 152 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,360 include them or we should invite them to this or that or help 153 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,560 with the kids or come over on Christmas Eve and put together 154 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,920 stuff. But as the years go on you're 155 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,280 not always in the forefront of people's minds and the holidays 156 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,760 is hard for most, a lot of people that don't have loss. 157 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,720 It's just can be a difficult time. 158 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:38,679 So to as the widow, I think it's important to feel comfortable to 159 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,480 just say hey, could I be included or hey, which is a 160 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,960 little bit awkward but people aren't thinking about it. 161 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,800 And lots of times if you say, hey, do you mind if we tag 162 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,080 along, then people would be like, Oh my gosh, of course. 163 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,680 But it's because they're they have their own stuff. 164 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,440 Like I've I poured out all my stuff to you guys the other 165 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,080 night. But I mean, everybody's busy. 166 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,840 I know what I'm telling you. You A, you get it. 167 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,160 But B, there's no one, there's no one there going to save me. 168 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,360 It's just not that's that's on you. 169 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,360 So we have to be realistic about that. 170 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,200 I think some of our viewers, and whether this makes it in there 171 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,720 or not, but I've noticed that they think we're out partying 172 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,760 all the time together. And like, it's not like that. 173 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:19,720 We do the best we can, but we're all busy jobs and you know, so 174 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,880 it's not like every time something comes up you're being 175 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,720 rescued because that's just not happening. 176 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,360 I don't want them to feel like they're the only ones that are 177 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,600 alone, because they're not. I feel that way a lot of the 178 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:34,080 time and it's something that I have to learn to sit in, you 179 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,480 know, and I do something about it some of the time. 180 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:40,080 I don't know about how you guys feel, but there are a lot of 181 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,160 times I wish, gosh, I wish someone would come and rescue 182 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,680 that, but that's just that's just not the way the world 183 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,480 works. I think that, at least for me, 184 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,800 sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't want to bother them, this is 185 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,240 their family time too. And oh, I don't want to be a 186 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,640 downer, blah, blah blah. But if you never ask, then 187 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,800 you'll never know. Yeah, I mean, at some point you 188 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,000 don't have to sit at home feeling alone. 189 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,160 And and I don't necessarily think that it's rescuing. 190 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,720 It's just, hey, I want to be around people, hey. 191 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:15,520 So what does it look like in terms of the big kids Holly? 192 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,200 Like because you've got two, you know, one coming home from 193 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,520 college and he's got a serious girlfriend. 194 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,280 Like, I've already started to have anxiety over when that 195 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,840 happens and. When to include her? 196 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:27,800 No. No, no, no. 197 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,800 When they when my boys want to go be with their girlfriends 198 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:37,040 and. You know, I was like, you just 199 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,680 need to invite first. Usually the girl's house they 200 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,400 can. Be. 201 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,320 I guess it can be like that, yeah. 202 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,800 Yeah. When they get married, even more 203 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,880 so. Well, and that's one thing that 204 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,720 honestly, I used to get upset about with Hunter's mom because 205 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,520 she didn't have daughters. She had two boys and she learned 206 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:01,000 early on to assert herself and I would get a little annoyed, but 207 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,400 now I totally understand because if you don't, then you get 208 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:09,920 pushed aside because the woman's family, the wife's family does, 209 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,480 kind of. Yeah. 210 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,240 I have a little more access. Same with us. 211 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,480 That's how it. Was, yeah. 212 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,960 So you got to set it up. That's why you start planning 213 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,040 what your holiday is going to be like in the summer. 214 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:27,360 Well, I always get in like in around October, I'm like us kind 215 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:31,440 of start spiraling and like, why am I in a bad mood and I end up 216 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,320 back in therapy. It's this time of year and then 217 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,840 everyone's like, what are we doing for Christmas? 218 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,640 What are we doing for Thanksgiving and? 219 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:44,280 I don't think it helps that I was in Target a week of 220 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,800 Halloween trying to buy some Halloween stuff and it's already 221 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,320 all. Now Costco there. 222 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,400 Isn't even. There's like maybe 1 Turkey 223 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,200 flower. They've skipped over 224 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,920 Thanksgiving completely. Yes, it's already Christmas, 225 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,280 it's October, and here in Austin it's warm. 226 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,960 It's like 80° out and it's all Christmas in there and then. 227 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:05,480 Yeah, like if you're already worried about it, it's like, 228 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,920 well, hurry up and get your tree up now and keep going and. 229 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,840 People start posting pictures of. 230 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,840 The. Christmas tree. 231 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,160 Just have a second, like we're still. 232 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,280 In Hyde Park, they just leave the lights up all year round. 233 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:17,920 They don't have to worry about that seasonal thing. 234 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:18,440 We. Still. 235 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,400 Come on, like my. Kid was going trick or treating 236 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,320 like in the that week and then it was all Christmas. 237 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,000 I couldn't find. I was trying to find like a 238 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:31,360 little outfit for the dogs for Halloween I should have. 239 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,280 Been doing that back in June I. Should have been doing that in 240 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,080 like July, yeah. What's wrong with you? 241 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,760 You're terrible. That's why I like traditions 242 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:44,720 like, OK, every Christmas Eve we have a family, get together. 243 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,400 I think it's nice that you have them all here in that way. 244 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,240 I do because that's. A lot. 245 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,480 That's your house. Yeah, you can. 246 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,560 You know, mine just changed almost every year. 247 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,280 Like there's not been that is since Oliver died. 248 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,480 There's not been a traditional anything. 249 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,880 Like I know Kira's real big on the trips. 250 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,560 I did that in the early days and then it just was too. 251 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,560 It felt daunting like I had to start in June or July and I was 252 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,760 like, get this. So I finally started just 253 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,880 simplifying. And then I realized writer was 254 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,000 just happy to, you know, see family a little bit and then 255 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,240 just be at home and relax. He was enjoying just relax. 256 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,880 He's just like his dad that way. I wanted more fun, like, I 257 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,720 needed more like activity because that's what I grew up 258 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,440 with. But I've had to learn to adapt 259 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,600 almost yearly. It's really not, it's not 260 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,960 something I look that much forward to. 261 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,640 And I try to remember what is the reason for the season, OK, 262 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:39,160 that I got to readjust my focus. But at the same time, you know, 263 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:44,120 when you're seeing all the ads on TV in the Hallmark TV shows, 264 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,040 it's just like, oh God, just, I'm trying not to be one of 265 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,160 those that just get me through it, but I don't want to just be 266 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,120 get through the season. It's been 12 years now. 267 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,120 I should be really trying to just savor every moment, but 268 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,640 it's very hard. I think there's a lot of 269 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,120 pressure of like. Absolutely. 270 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,920 And I think everyone feels that way. 271 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,040 I think all mothers feel that way, don't you? 272 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,000 Didn't you feel that way before your husband's died? 273 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,440 I. Felt I have been talking. 274 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:14,600 About this, yeah. It's like we it was nice to have 275 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:19,920 help like when Toby was here. And like it was like, let's put 276 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,320 the tree up, let's pour you know, I still. 277 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,560 Do. Why not? 278 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,800 Why not have that? I know it's just different that. 279 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,800 Yeah, you're the only one drinking. 280 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,880 You're the only adult. No, not that one. 281 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,680 But I mean, no, We're all drinking. 282 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,360 The dog included. Dogs are drinking. 283 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,960 No dogs are. Fish. 284 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,600 I mean, they'll put a few ornaments on the tree, but I 285 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:47,040 mean, it's daunting getting the fake tree out of the closet and 286 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,760 putting it together. And then half the lights don't 287 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:54,520 come on and I'm like, damn it, but you know, like I just, you 288 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,680 know, then you're like stressed about the lights and then the 289 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:58,880 lights are the hardest, then they. 290 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,920 It's a two person job, boys. Give up, but you don't have the 291 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,760 husband. It's like I'm going to run in 292 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:08,680 the hardware store and do this and and then also like Christmas 293 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,800 shopping, it's like. It's it. 294 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,520 Was it was a tattoo thing? It's easier now. 295 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:20,800 I I feel like with older kids than it was like getting toys. 296 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,960 And your expectations a little bit. 297 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,680 They don't just like you said, especially the college kids. 298 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:31,040 I think they're excited to just come home, be home and see 299 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,280 their. Crook and like do their laundry. 300 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,640 They want to sleep in. They want to see their. 301 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:39,160 Friends, I don't want to cook. I was trying to carry on 302 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:43,240 traditions, like everybody getting together to decorate the 303 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,520 tree together. And this was even after, you 304 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,040 know, Frank passed away, like I was like, we're all going to 305 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,920 have a night. And then it just gets harder and 306 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,240 harder when your kids are in activities and sports and 307 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:58,880 theater and whatever it is to get that night planned. 308 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,920 And so I don't know, maybe it was like just last year or the 309 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,000 year before, I just did the tree. 310 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:09,040 Like, I just decorated it and did the whole thing and the kids 311 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,400 were like, wait, we didn't get to you know? 312 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,600 And I I have been trying to get you guys to put an ornament on 313 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,520 for three years. Well, I could have Rider 314 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,440 decorate it when he was little. I let him. 315 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,600 It was, I guess he was right after Oliver died. 316 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,520 So he was six. I let him do it. 317 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,320 All the ornaments were like the bottom quarter. 318 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,640 Of his church. All the way around. 319 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,840 It was so sweet, but I was like, wow, that tree looks goofy. 320 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,080 It's a little heavy, they. Were all on the bottom. 321 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,840 Because I've always done a lot of not a live tree, a real tree. 322 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,280 Me too. So you. 323 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:44,200 Can't have that thing for weeks on it because it just starts to 324 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,400 look real dried out and. Well, looks freeze dried. 325 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,200 And the pine needles and the all of it. 326 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,440 So I try to get mine kind of closer too. 327 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,800 So it's sort of fresh, but I guess if you. 328 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,320 Think it's time for I. Do it in the week after. 329 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,280 I do it a couple of days after Thanksgiving and it really does. 330 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,520 I just really watered it a lot. But it does look bad. 331 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,720 I It's made it every year till new. 332 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,720 By New Year's, though, I'm like Nobody strike a match in the 333 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,040 House. Seriously going. 334 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,079 Y'all keep it up until. Yeah, well, writers, birthdays, 335 00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:13,480 New Year's Day. You keep it to new. 336 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,359 Year's Put out some birthday celebration. 337 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,520 We always had it like all the way through New Year's. 338 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,400 So not the not less early, early, early like going up and 339 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,880 Thanksgiving. The tree came in later and 340 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,960 stayed through New Year's. Christmas Day, I'm dragging that 341 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,680 thing out to. The Christmas Day. 342 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:36,040 Maybe the day after, but by Christmas Day, you know you're 343 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,840 throwing out all the Christmas wrap. 344 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:47,280 She's swallowing. Look Christmas. 345 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,080 Is over every. Present You have to take an 346 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,120 ornament. Oh man, no. 347 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,720 I just. I just feel like if it's been up 348 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,160 that long, they've had plenty of time. 349 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,440 Plenty of time to admire. And yeah, Christmas afternoon. 350 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,680 What else are you going to do? You're, you know, I mean, let's 351 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,600 wrap this stuff up. Slide out. 352 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,760 I know. Well, that's true. 353 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,200 I travel now. I don't know. 354 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:12,240 I've mentioned this before. I I usually travel somewhere in 355 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,040 there. Some years we've actually left 356 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,720 like Christmas Day. So we've opened up gifts and 357 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,240 then flown somewhere. It's actually a great day to 358 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:25,200 travel Christmas like afternoon. Although aren't the people at 359 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,360 the airport and flying the plane grumpy? 360 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,760 Because they're there. Everybody. 361 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,160 'S happy. I would love to start the 362 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,760 tradition of traveling on Christmas Day, especially 363 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,760 because now the kids don't need all the money I spent on toys 364 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,800 and they don't really need anything. 365 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,560 They're it's like I don't know about you guys, but for my kids 366 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,840 it's like pulling teeth to get them to send me. 367 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,680 Any ideas I? Asked for ideas yesterday and 368 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:55,920 the only thing I, one of them sent me is shoes. 369 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,080 And I'm like, well, I'll buy you shoes, but that's. 370 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,040 No, my daughter just asked for some panties and I was like, 371 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,080 I'll get you that. Yeah, that. 372 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,520 Kind of comes with. Panties and definitely will get. 373 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,040 My job. Like. 374 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,280 To keep you in. Space, the opposite. 375 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:14,600 Now I'm like, I need because her birthday is in December and then 376 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:19,160 Christmas and then Campbell's is in, so I'm like, yeah, you. 377 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,000 Did you want a? Travel related presents when we 378 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,040 do the trip. Like the trip is the gift, 379 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,360 right? The big gift. 380 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,920 Like this year we're going to Costa Rica and I usually give, 381 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,000 you know, like new ski goggles or like we got luggage. 382 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,240 We did luggage one year because we went to Spain and so yeah, 383 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,200 you just then they get little travel kind of knickknack 384 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,000 gadgets. And we're creating a 385 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,440 remembering. Trip you. 386 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,160 Know that's that's gonna weigh out last some socks and panties. 387 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,800 Except for some of my panties are pretty old, I'm just gonna 388 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,920 tell you. Well, that'll be on the dating 389 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,480 episode. We are gonna. 390 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,280 We're gonna go by think. About. 391 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,440 It. I mean, think about it for a 392 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,080 minute. How old are your? 393 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,200 Bras. Fun to think about your panties. 394 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,560 Not mine. Yours. 395 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,200 Oh, trust me, you do. You don't want. 396 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,600 To think about your old panties. Not mine. 397 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,880 I meant y'all. Get back to traveling? 398 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,400 No. Kidding anyway. 399 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:17,320 Traveling could be fun because you're you're, it does feel like 400 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,560 a little bit of escape from greed. 401 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,880 But I still have family. I have to see so and they don't 402 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,560 live here, so we have to use part of that time to go and do 403 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,280 that. Y'all doing this year, Holly, 404 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,240 because. I'm well. 405 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,640 My mom likes it to be like it's always been. 406 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:38,440 And I don't, you know, without Toby and my dad here, it's not 407 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,520 like it's always been. So it's really hard for me. 408 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,880 We're going to be at our house for Christmas and then we're 409 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,320 travelling. Oh, that's. 410 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,200 Right, you're going to. Colorado. 411 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,120 Yeah, that would be nice. That's a good spot. 412 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:56,120 But it's also like, I mean, we had so many amazing Christmases 413 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,040 and all the memories were perfect. 414 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,800 And you know, like being with at my parents or at my sister's or 415 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:08,560 wherever was all perfect and great, but I want to create new 416 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:14,280 memories for them to together because they're going to be with 417 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,440 off with their girlfriends. They're going to be gone soon. 418 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,800 I just think the, the message that I like to give myself and 419 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:27,760 to anybody listening is don't put too much pressure on 420 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,760 yourself to create a perfect memory. 421 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,280 I mean, we've talked about this when when I travel, I try to 422 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,000 make it perfect and then I get cussed out on the Louvre. 423 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,080 You know, it's like nothing is going to go according to plan. 424 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,880 So you have to be able to just say, you know what, it's the 425 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,000 holidays. We're going to spend time 426 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,120 together and it is what it is. Yeah, I think you just got to 427 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:52,080 sneak in some good moments. I mean, my mom's in memory care. 428 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,040 This will be the first. I told you guys the other day, 429 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,200 this will be the first Christmas where my mom's not really with 430 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,320 us and my, you know, and seeing my dad and and my sister and I 431 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,280 are going to all be there, but it's it's it's going to be very 432 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,960 different. It'll be very hard, but I want, 433 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,800 I want to create as much goodness as we can. 434 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,080 I'm just glad my son loves to. He loves them and he loves to 435 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,960 go. And so he never pushes back. 436 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,280 He's always when are we going to go and he's less high 437 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,720 maintenance. I'm so grateful. 438 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,880 I got a kid that is not high maintenance. 439 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:25,120 He doesn't require, like he doesn't have to have all this. 440 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,080 And then we got to go here. We got to go there because I put 441 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,840 enough of that pressure on myself. 442 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,080 He's like, mom, it's just fine. Well, let's just chill, you 443 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,280 know, It doesn't have to be like, you know, and Oliver was 444 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,920 like that. So I think he was good because I 445 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,480 grew up. My mom wanted everything. 446 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,920 Perfect. I don't know if you got your 447 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,400 parents were like that, but my mom had hosted the Christmas and 448 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,160 we had literally desserts from one end to the other, like all 449 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,720 different kinds. And everybody came to our house. 450 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,000 So there was always constant people and it was super fun. 451 00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,520 I just loved every bit of it. And this is just so different. 452 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,680 It's a, you know, stark contrast. 453 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:07,240 But Ryder didn't really know all of that because he was so young 454 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,320 when his dad died. So it's been very different for 455 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,040 a long time. So he says I kind of like it. 456 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,440 It's chill, everybody just hangs out and but I feel like he's 457 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,240 missing out on lots of cousins because his cousins are all 458 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,840 older. So I think it's the pressure we 459 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:25,920 put on ourselves. We have to remember that we're 460 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,120 not them. The kids are going to be just 461 00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:29,760 fine. I think, you know, I did put a 462 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,640 lot of pressure on myself, especially when the kids were 463 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,600 little. And I think that people just 464 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,920 need to keep in mind, yeah, a little bit of magic goes a long 465 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,200 way. If you can get that elf out, you 466 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,920 know half the week, you know. If you can remember to put a 467 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,480 carrot by the you know at the workplace or you know, I know we 468 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,440 haven't just. Or if you're doing Hanukkah, you 469 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,200 know, I guess you have to do all the nights of the, I don't know, 470 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,080 maybe you miss a night. You can't miss a night of 471 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,680 Hanukkah. You can't miss a night of. 472 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,120 Hanukkah. That would be like Miss 473 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,680 Christmas Night. It's fine. 474 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,800 Just do your best or do light 2 candles the next night. 475 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,880 I I mean, that was where I was at for a lot of my early grief 476 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,160 journey. Like, you know, oh, we missed 477 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,480 that. You know, if I'd been doing 478 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,760 Hanukkah, I would have just lit 2 candles the next night and 479 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,080 just move on with it because the kids aren't paying that much 480 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:19,840 attention. Right. 481 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,880 Just don't, you know, just be just be in the moment with them. 482 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,000 Do the best you can. It doesn't have to be perfect. 483 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,320 And yeah, and the big kids, they give you a lot of grace, you 484 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,720 know? I think what's been really nice 485 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:36,480 watching my grow up is they have a lot of empathy for me and they 486 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:41,160 have a lot of appreciation for, you know, all of those holidays 487 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:46,120 that I did still, you know, provide for them and make fun. 488 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,800 Absolutely. Still doing the gifts and the 489 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,120 wrapping and all of it. And you have really sweet kids. 490 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,800 That's a gift. And that's what that's my gift 491 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,200 for the holidays. It is. 492 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,360 Look, they appreciate, yeah, all of that. 493 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:00,960 Although, do they get your gifts? 494 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,960 Yeah, yeah. Do you need me to have a 495 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,680 conversation with your kids, Whitney? 496 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:11,360 Ryder goes on Amazon. I mean it it took some like. 497 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,320 There were some years when they were young where other people 498 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,040 would take them to go back. That's what happened, right? 499 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,560 And others would step in. And then they kind of got to a 500 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,080 point where, like, the older one would be like, hey guys, let's 501 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,280 all get together and get mom something. 502 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,280 Right. That's what, like my sister in 503 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,600 the beginning would would text the boys and be like did you get 504 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,720 your mom any or you want me to get something for them and but 505 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,360 now they. They're working. 506 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,040 They do it on their own. But I can say, you know, Holly, 507 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:43,480 Kira, Whitney and mine, our kids are really nice to us. 508 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,920 I mean, truly, that is a gift. I have some friends that are 509 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,680 having some real issue. It doesn't mean we don't have 510 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,880 issues with our kids. Things come up. 511 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,720 Of course they are human and we're human. 512 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,880 But as a general rule, they hug us. 513 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,720 I like saw your sons the other night, your son the other day, 514 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,000 and he, he came over there in front of all of us and was 515 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,520 hugging on you. And I know, I know yours better 516 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,880 than probably anybody's, but I've seen your sons do the same 517 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,880 thing and it's really sweet. And there are a lot of kids that 518 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,760 give their parents a lot of trouble. 519 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,000 So that is all the gift I need. I don't really. 520 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,520 I think it's nice and I'm glad my son doesn't remember that 521 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,320 because I keep thinking hopefully it's training for his 522 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,280 wife because she might be really mad if he doesn't give her 523 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,280 something. But at the end of the day, I'm 524 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,880 trying to stay in a state of gratefulness that if that's what 525 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,360 I get, that's huge, that's going to make me cry. 526 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,160 Well what is like one of the things if I if I was thinking 527 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:43,920 about how to take the the ho hum out of the holidays like if 528 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,880 you're if you're down in the dumps or something is there 529 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,520 anything that does just kind of bring Christmas cheer. 530 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,680 And for me, we I force my kids to do karaoke because I love 531 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,280 karaoke. So something like that. 532 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:02,320 Or we used to watch Elf all the time and that's a fun that is 533 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,760 fun. We also, I think Elf, I think 534 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,240 home alone. All those are all good. 535 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,080 Yeah, have a movie night. Just little things and driving 536 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,240 around and seeing the Christmas lights with hot chocolate. 537 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,760 It doesn't have to be a trip to Costa Rica. 538 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,880 It doesn't have to be although. That is. 539 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,560 Nice. Oh listen, I would take that 540 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,160 over hot chocolate. I feel attacked. 541 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,920 I think doing a charity too, that's something that we've 542 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,680 always done, Yeah, find a kit like, I'm sure appointment with 543 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,280 your church or. Grab the family off the tree. 544 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,640 Yeah, and it's fun to go with your family and have the list. 545 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,280 Yeah, and the ages of the kids you adopt A little family. 546 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,960 I know the Statesman will have a list of families that you can 547 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,320 adopt. Or like Blue Santa. 548 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,280 And what better way to take you out of the Blues, Literally. 549 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,440 That's so true. Than to do for someone who's 550 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:53,160 struggling more than you are. So that in and of itself is a 551 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,480 gift. If you're by yourself, you can 552 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,920 also do like an open house just for your neighbors. 553 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:01,440 Yeah. And invite us. 554 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,120 And you just put some, put some stuff in the crock pot, like 555 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:09,440 some pulled pork or something, and have some mimosas and have 556 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,880 an open house from 4:00 to 6:00. And people just stop by and, you 557 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,120 know, eat a candy cane and drink some wine. 558 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,080 No, no. It's a. 559 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,560 Great idea A. Great idea. 560 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,000 I love all of it. I think everyone, Yeah, there's 561 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,520 no wrong answer. I mean, I think people, a lot of 562 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:28,760 people go, oh, I don't ever throw parties. 563 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:33,160 I threw one last November and I used to do them like every year. 564 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,040 And even after all over that, I always made it a thing to like, 565 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,480 try to throw a party every year because it brings people from 566 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,600 all the disparate sources of the people you hang out with. 567 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,240 And a lot of my friends got to know each other and they're 568 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,600 still hanging out, which I think is really cool. 569 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,760 But I think it's important to people just even if they come by 570 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,040 for an hour, that's kind of. Yeah, well, that's the great 571 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,960 thing about like an open house is there's not a set time and 572 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,400 you just have your holiday music on and they're really. 573 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,120 Easy. I should we could do a little 574 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,080 thing where? We go to do a couple in one day. 575 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,200 A progressive. Yeah. 576 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:06,640 Yeah, progressive. Dinner. 577 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,240 So I would encourage people. That's the other thing that you 578 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:13,000 can do. If you're in a funk, get out 579 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,160 anyway. Don't sit in your home, just in 580 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,760 your funk. Go look at Christmas lights. 581 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,680 Or go walk someone over. Yeah, go walk and knock on your 582 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,960 neighbor's door and say I'm lonely. 583 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,400 No, don't do that. I mean, maybe do. 584 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,240 Maybe. Not in Texas. 585 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,040 You might get shot. That's true, Kira. 586 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,200 You have, you know, a partner now. 587 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,400 Does that change? I mean, I'm sure it does change 588 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,200 the grief a little bit, but that doesn't mean you don't still get 589 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:46,520 sad or miss Frank, right? Yeah, it's super nice, but it 590 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,920 doesn't mean that I don't still get, I don't want to say 591 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,800 triggered, but I guess that's a good word. 592 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:56,120 Like sometimes I still will have, you know obviously a 593 00:29:56,120 --> 00:30:00,920 memory and I do get sad and I think that's and you know 594 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,560 something else to keep in mind. Brendan is really aware of that. 595 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:09,520 He's aware that sometimes I do have some grief that bubbles up 596 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,240 and memories that come, you know, at like with anything. 597 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,880 And he's very patient and understanding of that because it 598 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,800 doesn't mean that I love him any less. 599 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,400 It's just. Exactly you're. 600 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:26,600 Still loving that other person and it's sad for me that he's 601 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:31,600 missing out on his kids all grown up and all these moments 602 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,640 in these holidays, in these special times. 603 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,760 And you can still feel for your children as well. 604 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,040 For yourself too. I think that's OK. 605 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,720 You can make space for that. But also you feel you'll always 606 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,280 feel for your children, regardless of where your heart 607 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,280 is. You'll always feel like they've 608 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,840 missed out on that experience with their dad. 609 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:55,240 Yeah, it's, it's you're now kind of carrying like multiple 610 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,000 different kinds of emotions together through the holiday. 611 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,400 And I think that's true for everyone. 612 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,200 I mean, I think when you have little kids, you're still, you 613 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,080 know, even when you, if you've just lost your spouse, you're 614 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,120 still giggling and laughing over them, opening up their presents 615 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,800 and there's still joy in them. You know, going through the 616 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:16,360 stocking and there's, you know, eating the pancakes and getting 617 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,560 the syrup all over the pyjamas and all the things that come 618 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,800 with it. You know, it's all it's all 619 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:24,920 they're wrapped up in one like just high highly charged 620 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:30,920 emotional you know omelet. All right. 621 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,360 Well, thanks again for listening in, you guys. 622 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,840 We would love to actually hear from you what you think about 623 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,080 what we're doing, what you'd like to see next, because we're 624 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,480 always looking for how we can best serve you. 625 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,880 So thanks again and happy holidays.