1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,680 You found us. I'm so glad you did, but I'm 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,240 sorry that you had to. Who are we? 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:11,000 I'll tell you what, we're not. We're not old, we're not boring, 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,240 and we're not giving up. So come on into our widow circle 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,960 where trauma meets humor, and we remind you that you can not only 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,800 survive, but thrive. Today's episode is brought to 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,440 you by Rodger Brooks and his team at Strategic Investment 8 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,320 Management. As an Austin based fiduciary 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:33,320 financial advisory firm, Rodger and his team bring decades of 10 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:37,160 experience and empathy to help people regain financial control 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,760 through life's ups and downs so you can move forward with 12 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:44,320 confidence. This episode is brought to you 13 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,480 in part by spiritpieces.com. Beautiful cremation jewelry and 14 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,680 glass art pieces for people and pets. 15 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,240 You can find their information on the Every Widow Thing 16 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:58,200 Instagram Highlight reel. This is Every Widow Thing. 17 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,720 Welcome back to Every Widow thing. 18 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,720 I'm Lacey and I'm here with Kira, Whitney and Holly. 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,320 And we have guests today, Don and Katie Cash. 20 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,120 They've been married for how many years now? 21 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,800 Just almost six, six years almost. 22 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,880 Six years. So I think all of us want to 23 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:21,080 know about the dating and then of course meeting Katie. 24 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,560 And then I know Kira's dying to know about like what it's like 25 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,160 to be married because she's engaged so. 26 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,840 I and I will sidebar at some point. 27 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,760 You guys can go. When did you decide or feel 28 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,080 ready to get back into the dating world? 29 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:43,440 Well, I you, you force yourself. Actually, it was about a year 30 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:48,600 and I had somebody that I knew in Mississippi that I went back 31 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,360 because I had another friend with the same leukemia laying 32 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,360 head. I had a guy I had to work with 33 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,800 who had just died. So I was making some trips back 34 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,920 to Mississippi and there was somebody that I knew there. 35 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,920 And she and I started, well, call it hanging out, whatever 36 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,440 you want to do. Was great stirred up like, oh, 37 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,880 maybe I've got a you know, and. You know, I was just, you know, 38 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,320 you're just tired of being alone. 39 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,600 Yeah. And there are certain. 40 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,040 Things to have some companionship. 41 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:17,840 Certain things in your life that you need. 42 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:24,320 I did, I'll leave it at that. So I did that and I did the the 43 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,120 fact that there was two states away was at that time perfect 44 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,040 because I was not, I didn't want any kind of long term 45 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,520 relationship. I just, I just, you know, needed 46 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,960 some companionship. So that went off and on and off 47 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,640 for like maybe six months, I don't know, something like that. 48 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,960 So then I just like, OK, stop. And I went back to Alabama for 49 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,160 a, a little get together of all the photographers from school, 50 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,920 from college. And a friend of mine brought his 51 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:54,200 son along and, you know, young, good looking, employed young man 52 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,640 in his 20s. And he was talking about how he 53 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,800 had met the, he's dating this girl and he met her on 54 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,280 thematch.com, right. And I'm thinking, look, you're, 55 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,400 you're, you know, you live in California, you're young, good 56 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,360 looking. And why are you using this to go 57 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,080 to meet women? Well, you meet people when 58 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,560 you're in college 'cause there's a few hundred of them around. 59 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,320 You get out in the real world where you're working and that's 60 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,600 your, that's who you know, And I guess it's just, it's really 61 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,920 hard to meet people like that. So I thought, well, if he can do 62 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:28,120 it, what the heck, you know, I'll, I'll give it a shot. 63 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,520 I'm one of the, I was not going to do that, was not going to do 64 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,760 any kind of online dating. So I get on this match.com and I 65 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,480 try to be honest about it. I put pictures of me that 66 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,320 weren't always the most flattering, you know, And I 67 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,760 told, you know, and I was telling lazy the story. 68 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:49,040 thefirstmatch.com date was I talked to this woman. 69 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,240 It's like, OK, meet for drinks. Where do you want to go? 70 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:56,320 She suggests Eddie VS at the Arboretum, which immediately, 71 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,400 immediately to me said, well, this is not gonna work, right. 72 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,600 I'm more of a dive bar kind of guy, you know? 73 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,640 And it's like. Oh, Eddie, Eddie V For people 74 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,920 who don't know, that's an expensive steakhouse here in 75 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,720 Austin. Maybe not the place that you 76 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,240 would start to. Tease and shrimp cocktails. 77 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:16,440 Exactly. But isn't it funny how you wait 78 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,320 till people suggest you're like? That's what happened to you 79 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,399 just. Having a holiday? 80 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:22,720 Oh yeah. He threw out this. 81 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,000 And I was like Nope. Were you like, let's go get some 82 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,840 tacos somewhere? In here and yeah. 83 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:28,880 Simple. Exactly. 84 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,440 So I so I go up and I, I meet this woman and she's. 85 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:32,960 Oh, you met her. There didn't. 86 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:33,800 No. You said. 87 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,000 You know. I drive my little beat up Ford 88 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,720 Ranger truck up there right and park it in the lot and I go in 89 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,040 this, I mean, she's, she's gorgeous. 90 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,680 We're talking. I know it's not going to work, 91 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,840 but I'm just going to go through the motions and we have a drink. 92 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:48,200 And I start talking about the how the girls and I had 93 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,960 travelled and gone to Europe and we went to Poland because I 94 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,800 wanted to go to Auschwitz because it's such a a powerful 95 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,480 place. And she says, oh, I would never 96 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,400 go to Auschwitz. And I said, well, why not? 97 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,280 I don't like being around negativity. 98 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,200 Can. You imagine. 99 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,840 Like that would be like, check, please and you could pay. 100 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,120 I got another drink and I said, well, you know, if you went to 101 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,320 New York, surely you'd go to the 911. 102 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:19,400 She goes, I would never do that. And it's like, you know, so 103 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,360 anyways, and you would, you would meet people on this match 104 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,800 and I would, you know, talk to them on the phone and you'd meet 105 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,280 the, you know, I'll go to meet them. 106 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,040 And they would be very nice. There's a lot of nice people out 107 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,680 there. And they'd be very nice. 108 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,000 And I'd go home and I go, OK, well, maybe I'd call this person 109 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:40,320 again and then I'd wake up the next morning and go, I can't do 110 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,080 it. I just so. 111 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,880 We've all been there. It's a full. 112 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:48,560 Time jobs, we've all been. There that was forcing myself to 113 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:53,040 go out and sort of get back in the world before I was remotely 114 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,880 ready, right? So so I get out of that. 115 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,120 I get out of that not too long after I got a assist. 116 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,720 I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to do it. 117 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,360 Got off of that thing. I'm just not even boom, boom, 118 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,440 boom, not going to do it. So New Year's Eve bonfire rolls 119 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:11,120 around. A friend of mine, Chris Coxwell, 120 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:15,320 whose husband had died 16 months before I met through a mutual 121 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,200 friend. She's so she's a friend of mine. 122 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,760 I got to have a couple people over for the New Year's Eve 123 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,760 bonfire. I call Chris and and you should 124 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:27,760 come to the bonfire. Well, she brings Katie. 125 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,840 Katie, who was who was apparently reluctant to come to 126 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,120 the bonfire, right? Chris had had contacted me 127 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,040 earlier in the day and was like, hey, we can go to my friend's 128 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,440 house, he's having a bonfire, just be handful of people. 129 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:45,080 And I was like, well, let me think about it. 130 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,920 And I said yeah, I'll probably go. 131 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,400 And I was kind of, you know, should I go? 132 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,600 Should I not? And anyway, I said, OK, I'll, 133 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,640 I'd go for like an hour, you know, and. 134 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,800 How long did you really stay? We stayed until like 3 in the 135 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,560 morning. Oh my, wow. 136 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,480 What did you think when you saw Don? 137 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,400 Were you thinking, oh, I might like to go out with him, or was 138 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,800 there none of that, that kind of thought process yet? 139 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,680 Was it really? I just remember thinking that 140 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:19,320 Don seems like such a kind person and like real authentic 141 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:26,120 Yes, and I was the Scotch and he was just very, you know, we had 142 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,080 some nice conversations, but we weren't it. 143 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,960 It was a very casual. Were you thinking anything? 144 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,960 No, no, no, no, no. No. 145 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,800 So just nice person to meet. I was just thinking single 146 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,520 moles. Got meet at the bonfire and and 147 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,520 when do you see each other again? 148 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:47,280 A few days later, I, I, I sing and write songs and I had a, a 149 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:53,600 gig at the New World Deli and Don came and Pauline and and 150 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:58,480 maybe Richard and Carol. Anyway, so saw you then. 151 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,480 Yeah, that was a few days later. And that was about it. 152 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,000 And we didn't really, we actually really didn't talk much 153 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,880 because I was performing. But. 154 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:11,920 And then later, Oh Don had sent me some text messages a few 155 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,680 times inviting me to come to another bonfire. 156 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,440 I'm a nice guy. Every little worried what those 157 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,400 texts said, but well, you said they. 158 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,800 Clean they. Were they were just like, hey, 159 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,760 we're having a, you know, And I said, oh, every, every time he 160 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,640 asked, I had something else going on. 161 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,320 It was like legit conflicts, you know? 162 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,120 And I said, Oh, well, please ask again. 163 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:36,760 I wasn't really thinking in terms of dating, really. 164 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,960 But I was like, oh, he's a nice person and. 165 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,000 And I wasn't thinking in terms of dating either. 166 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,280 She says, oh, she was a nice person. 167 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,480 I like the music and, you know, another friend. 168 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,760 And so I would text her and another bonfire and no, can't 169 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,640 make it. No, OK, another bonfire, can't 170 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,160 make it. But then she would say, yeah, 171 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,320 ask me again. And she'd put an exclamation 172 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:03,480 point or two after it, and so some point down the road. 173 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,200 The door. The door was still open. 174 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:09,920 Well, it was months later, months later, when I was showing 175 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,880 a friend of mine going look, exclamation points. 176 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,200 He goes, oh, they don't mean anything. 177 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,400 They might. I don't know. 178 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,920 What was the turning point for you? 179 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,000 Like exclamations turned into like. 180 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:28,200 Yeah, we need this. So that holiday season, I was 181 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,400 with my parents in North Carolina, and it was New Year's 182 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,240 Eve and I was I was actually sick. 183 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:38,640 And I was, you know, just sort of reflecting on the year and, 184 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,560 oh, that fall, I had also kind of had a moment where I was 185 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,240 like, you know, I have a really good life. 186 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,560 I have really good friends. I'm OK, you know, that I don't 187 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:52,080 have a boyfriend or whatever. This, this is OK, you know, And 188 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:58,440 anyway, at New Year's time, I was thinking, well, you know, I 189 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,480 think I am ready to have a relationship or something. 190 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,920 And I thought, who have I come across this year? 191 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,800 Maybe there was someone I came across that I could take a 192 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,720 second look. And I thought about Don for a 193 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,600 second and I was like, Oh yeah, yeah, He came to my seat to 194 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,920 release, you know, And then I thought, well, if he asks me to 195 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,600 do something again, I will make sure and go. 196 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,600 Then it was maybe actually about 6. 197 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,640 Weeks later, your birthday, February. 198 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,480 February big month. And I, well, you were playing a 199 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,080 gig at the New World Deli and Pauline and I went. 200 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,120 You had some people in from out of town and I said, hey, a bunch 201 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,640 of us were getting together tomorrow night at Moon Tower for 202 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,040 my birthday. You know you and your friends 203 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,200 should come. Well, lo and behold, she showed 204 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,240 up. Exclamation, exclamation. 205 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,320 I'm going. This is the invite. 206 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,280 It's like. OK, I'll take. 207 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:53,280 A sign. So did you have any concerns or 208 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,520 worries or were you even thinking anything about the fact 209 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:03,000 that he had lost a wife or? And had two kids too. 210 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,480 Right. Well, you know, I remember the 211 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,440 first time I came to the bonfire. 212 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,080 The very first time and being in the house and thinking, oh, 213 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,960 there's a beautiful portrait of a beautiful woman on the wall, 214 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,480 but there's I don't see her here, you know, and I didn't 215 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,400 know anything and and but I was, I was not going to ask like, you 216 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,680 know, you. Didn't have. 217 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,720 He was. Divorced or a friend of mine 218 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,920 called it a shrine. OK. 219 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,240 And at some point, she said, after Katie and I started 220 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,120 dating, my friend said you need to take that shrine down. 221 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,400 And it was like, yeah, you're probably right. 222 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,960 See, that bothers me. I mean, yes, I get it. 223 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,600 And and this is something I'd love for Katie to address 224 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,440 because I still I'm dating somebody. 225 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:53,480 My husband's been dead for six years, but I still, I probably 226 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:58,320 say his name every day like I tell a story or I relate 227 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:03,560 something, but I don't feel like I need to stop doing that. 228 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:08,800 Or I mean, granted, if I had, I mean, he's he's pictures all 229 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,000 over my house. It's not a shrine a shrine. 230 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,440 No, you just have, I mean you have a lot of photos. 231 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,240 But but was this an actual? Like there was like a bookcase 232 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,520 and it was covered in pictures of her? 233 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,200 I mean did. You feel that? 234 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,160 It was a shrine, no? No, it was just. 235 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,160 A picture this big, literally. Oh, you're for real. 236 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,800 It actually didn't even bother me. 237 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,120 I mean, we had moved in at that point, I think, and we've been 238 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,000 dating for a couple of years and yeah, yeah, I think so. 239 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:46,280 And that's when you're already. Was like, yeah. 240 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,600 I think I remember you telling me about it and I was like, oh 241 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,840 wow, I never, you know, I didn't ask her. 242 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,800 That did you take it down? That was when when you moved in. 243 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,520 Yes, then you move that picture somewhere, but there were other 244 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,480 pictures around and it was completely OK. 245 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:08,040 You know, I mean, I pretty early when we went on an actual couple 246 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:13,600 of dates, he, you know, he said to me because I, I wanted to 247 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:18,600 know about Elaine, but I wasn't sure how to ask because I mean, 248 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,400 and you wait one time we were, we actually at Magnolia Cafe, I 249 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,680 think. And you said, I'm going to talk 250 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:31,360 about Elaine. And it was something like, I 251 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,120 want you to be OK with that or something. 252 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,040 I said, oh, absolutely. And that made me feel like I 253 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:40,200 could then ask about her because I want to, I want to meet this 254 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:47,080 person, you know? And so, yeah, I mean, I, I 255 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:52,120 really wanted to know. And, and also hearing him talk 256 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:57,760 about Elaine also helped me learn about him, you know, and, 257 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,520 and learn about the family and the girls. 258 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:05,280 And so I, I, I thought, I thought that that was also 259 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:10,000 sacred to, you know, something to kind of an intimacy to, to 260 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,520 learn about. We will be right back all. 261 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,720 Right. Well, we recently had a podcast 262 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,200 about our husband's ashes. Sadly, Kira still can't get into 263 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,160 the box. Can you? 264 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,080 We have. To get in the. 265 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,880 Box I'm working on I'm. Working on the box, the whole 266 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,240 point is you want to be able to do something with those ashes. 267 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:30,120 I came across a great website, itscalledspiritpieces.com, and 268 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,760 what I love about it is that they give you a variety of 269 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,440 options. It's jewelry, it's glass art, 270 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,280 it's statues. You can do a ton of stuff with 271 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,240 ashes, and we all have quite a few. 272 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,800 Two ashes. There's a. 273 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,120 Lot in the box. Yeah. 274 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,680 There is a lot in the box. I like the paperweight idea. 275 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,720 Doesn't spiritpieces.com have paperweight? 276 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,320 Yes, and you know what's so great? 277 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,000 And there's one that I'm actually going to order. 278 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,000 It's this heart paperweight and it's beautiful. 279 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,680 But what I love about the glass art is that they have like 280 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:05,400 hanging pieces and stuff and when the light hits it, it feels 281 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,480 very heavenly. That's so pretty, I know. 282 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,240 So if you're interested, if this is something that you would like 283 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:15,840 for your own loved one, spiritpieces.com/every Widow 284 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,560 thing so they know that you heard about it through US, is a 285 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,680 great option for for you and for your loved one. 286 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,120 We hope you check it out. Imagine a financial partner who 287 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,600 meets you exactly where you are, acknowledging your grief and 288 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,280 taking the time to listen, empathize and truly understand 289 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,640 what matters to you. Strategic investment management 290 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,040 can help you plan a course that honors your past while embracing 291 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,800 your future. Whether you're worried about tax 292 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,320 implications, paying off debt or stewarding your asset 293 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,640 distributions, Rodgers Team can make a plan that's aligned with 294 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,360 your family's needs and goals. For more information, visit 295 00:15:53,360 --> 00:16:03,000 www.strategicim.com or give them a call at 512-341-9898. 296 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:10,040 And again, that's 512-341-9898. Tell them you heard about them 297 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,480 on every widow thing. And now, back to the show. 298 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,520 I mean, I think I still do encourage us talking about. 299 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,920 Well, don't really. I don't really, you know, It's, 300 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,920 it's, it's, it's there. It's always there. 301 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,320 I don't really shy away. I really appreciate you being 302 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,680 supportive in that way to do that too, because this can't be 303 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:31,680 easy. Well, it has been wonderful 304 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,080 really. I mean, there, there have been 305 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:38,880 moments that have been difficult and, and, but eye opening and, 306 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:43,880 and it feels, I don't know, it feels real and authentic and, 307 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,680 and So what? Were you telling me earlier? 308 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,840 I think I remember I was saying that I don't know where I got 309 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,840 this from, whether a friend had said this to me or whether. 310 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:59,480 But the way you know, Elaine died, you know, it wasn't a 311 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,320 divorce. You know, it was a relationship 312 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,599 that ended in a in a sad way, you know, and that. 313 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,280 As. Not by choice. 314 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:12,280 And that he they were married for 30 years. 315 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:13,319 Yeah. Still in love? 316 00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:16,520 With her. And I thought, well, he, he had 317 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,839 a long relationship. He knows how to be in a 318 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:22,720 relationship in a, you know, a real relationship. 319 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,599 So I think in my head I thought, oh, this is someone I would, you 320 00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:30,880 know, want to date. And we all bring a little trauma 321 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,440 into new relationships because you know it. 322 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,800 Because of our loss. But it's different because we 323 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,800 all had strong, healthy marriages and like you were 324 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,840 saying when our husbands died that the marriage was healthy 325 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:48,000 and wonderful and there was just a trauma that happened that 326 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,520 ended the marriage. But it wasn't sort of like a 327 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:55,760 slow disintegration of trust or, you know, love or whatever, like 328 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,520 a divorce, like a, you know, a separation. 329 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,800 This occurred to me all the way up here is when you're divorced, 330 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,080 you're mad. When you're a widow, you're sad. 331 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,440 I take the sad over as far as a relationship goes, You know, 332 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,360 Katie, Katie has not been married before. 333 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:11,320 She doesn't have any kids. You know, frankly, I think I hit 334 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,680 the jackpot there because, you know, she didn't have a horrible 335 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,720 marriage and she's not mad at somebody. 336 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,320 She shows up with no baggage. Yeah, I know. 337 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,800 What about He had kids. He had two kids that were much 338 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,640 older. So what was that like 339 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,360 integrating into that part of his his life as well, not just 340 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,040 him? It was I, you know, I was eager 341 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,640 to meet the girls at a time that felt natural. 342 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,640 And, and I both, I mean, very quickly, just just they, they're 343 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,320 wonderful. And they both were so welcoming 344 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:48,840 and that was so important, you know, because, you know, that 345 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,080 doesn't always happen. I think that can be a real, 346 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,040 yeah, that can really stop things, you know? 347 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,760 Scott, has you brought any other women into their like had they 348 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,480 met anyone else? I heard one time somebody a a 349 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,280 therapist said your kids are going to hate whoever you bring 350 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,840 in first, like the first person they're not going to like, 351 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,080 they're going to be angry. They're probably right. 352 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,400 And then so like whoever that first person is, make sure 353 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,800 you're not. You don't have a. 354 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,400 Chance you don't really. Care don't be the first. 355 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:24,440 I, I, I did. They, they met. 356 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:31,920 I think maybe Anna because she was home met probably two or 357 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,600 three. Caitlyn met one, probably, you 358 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,880 know. And was that true? 359 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:46,240 Like the did they dislike those? First, Anna seemed to be OK with 360 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,040 the first two. I had a problem, you know, on on 361 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:53,080 the last one because it wasn't so much that who this person 362 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,760 was, but just the timing of everything. 363 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:59,960 And this is, you know, several years later and it was. 364 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,320 And I look back now I go, yeah, bad, bad call. 365 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,160 On my part you. Know sorry about that but you 366 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,000 you when you I I do know when I started going out with somebody 367 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:18,280 this person somewhere else that I didn't tell my kids and at 368 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,880 some point when I said Oh yeah, I'm going out tonight and I'm 369 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,280 not going to be home and they're like what? 370 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,160 And it wasn't. And it wasn't so much that I was 371 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,560 seeing someone, it's that that I hadn't been honest with them. 372 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,000 And because he's like, I'm trying to protect them. 373 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,760 I don't want them, you know, Baba, you know, protect and 374 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,400 protect and protect them. And they were both righteously 375 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,840 upset that I was not being honest. 376 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,360 With well and they were older too. 377 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:50,400 I mean I I think you do protect a child maybe an 8 year old or 378 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:57,320 even mine. 11/12/13 I wasn't sharing the guy was going out 379 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,560 with people and even the guy that I'm seeing now he just kind 380 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,080 of would show up sometimes. I wouldn't like this is my 381 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:08,160 boyfriend, you know, my daughter actually pulled me aside. 382 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,800 She's like, you know, we know that y'all are dating right And 383 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,680 I was like, oh. They're smart. 384 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,280 They're they're smart, they're very smart. 385 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,160 So at what point I'm curious about this because I dated for 386 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,960 on and off for many years and had some relationships and then 387 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:27,440 met my now fiance and I'm so curious about I knew when I knew 388 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:32,000 that it was like how it was with my late husband. 389 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,800 It was it was trending toward how I felt about Frank and and I 390 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,280 could see a life with this person. 391 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,720 At what point did you decide that that was where you were 392 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,920 headed? Well, I I have AI keep a 393 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,560 schedule. So Katie anyways, at the 394 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,560 birthday party, I finally sit down. 395 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,680 I talk with Katie. We just you know, and I'm having 396 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,600 my beers and we're socializing. So we get ready to leave. 397 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,600 I walk her to her car and I said, well, what would you think 398 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,280 about maybe like going out on an actual date? 399 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,400 And she said why that would be great. 400 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,920 So I gave her a kiss goodnight and I waltzed to my friend's car 401 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,440 like this and I think I've got a girlfriend and I've. 402 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,840 Got a girlfriend? So I think at this point I was 403 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:22,000 in a I was so much further along and so much more open to 404 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,440 something the rest of the years is for. 405 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,960 Yeah, a lot of these other views are forcing yourself and forcing 406 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,600 yourself. And at some point it just went, 407 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:34,880 OK, I'm OK going to do this. So we dated for almost a year. 408 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,280 And about the time I was read here to talk, I said, I'm going 409 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,320 to wait till the end of the year. 410 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:44,200 If we're the dating's going, OK, I'm going to maybe we'll talk 411 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,520 about moving in together. So I go over to see her and 412 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,480 she's got her paperwork. And I said, I bet that's her 413 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,960 lease. I know her lease is up. 414 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,840 So she says, hey, I want to talk to you about something. 415 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,440 And so so I let her do it instead of me asking, she's 416 00:22:58,440 --> 00:22:59,920 like, well, what do you think about? 417 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,000 And I said, yeah, I think this is a great. 418 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,800 I said yeah. This is a great idea. 419 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,520 So it was like a month and a half ahead of my schedule, 420 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,720 literally. And so she said, well, my lease, 421 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,400 my lease is not up for two more months, so I can move into two 422 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,720 months. I said, well, why don't you move 423 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,880 in tomorrow? We just made a decision 424 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,680 tomorrow, tomorrow. So yeah, so Katie moved in. 425 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,720 Let's go, let's go. Let's start moving the furniture 426 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:24,960 right now. So we did that. 427 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,520 And then my next thing was like, OK, if we live together for a 428 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,720 year, at the end of the year, if we're still living together and 429 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,920 it's going well, maybe we'll talk about marriage. 430 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:39,520 But in June of that year, July, OK, that's right. 431 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,840 The 19th was the day, right? OK. 432 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:42,840 Because, see, I know she know that. 433 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,520 So we go on a back roads trip when my daughter's working for 434 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,280 back roads, oldest daughter Caitlin, which does bicycle 435 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,360 trips and stuff all over, we go to Ireland on the plane on the 436 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,720 way over, I'm thinking, what am I waiting for? 437 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,760 Why am I going to wait till the end of the year? 438 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,640 This is going well. I really love her, really like 439 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,720 her. We're doing fine. 440 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,040 I think I'll ask her to marry me. 441 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,480 So get to Ireland. I go to Caitlin goes, what do 442 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,320 you think about this? Yes, dad. 443 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,160 Anyway, so we're riding. We do the bike thing for a week. 444 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,200 Anna comes over because she doesn't ride bikes. 445 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,120 She's going to come over. Second week, we're going to tour 446 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:18,600 around. I say, Anna, here's what I'm 447 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,040 thinking about. And her response was, well, it's 448 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,960 about time. So they help me plot where to 449 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,600 get a ring, an engagement ring, and. 450 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,120 That's really wonderful. And it all happened in Ireland. 451 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:34,920 It happened in Ireland and I didn't have a ring or anything. 452 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,400 You know, I was thinking I'll get a, we'll use some of these 453 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,200 bike parts and make a ring. But the girls were not having 454 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,720 that Clata maybe so. So we got a Clata ring. 455 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,280 You did. Oh, that's fine. 456 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:47,680 I didn't know that. We went to a ring shop. 457 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,960 We go to a ring shop. The girls, they're, they're on 458 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:50,880 this thing. They got it. 459 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,520 So we go to this shop and try and own jewelry, trying on 460 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,000 rings. It's like, Oh yeah, because the 461 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,720 girls like, I'd like to get a clutter ring. 462 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,520 Oh, Katie, what do you think about it? 463 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,880 So she put one on and we're going whatever size. 464 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,360 It was on my right finger, my right hand too. 465 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,680 I. So they also, if the crown going 466 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,960 out and in, they all have different meanings. 467 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,760 So then we wander off and Anna and I go, oh, I need to go do 468 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,280 something. So Caitlin kept Katie and Anna 469 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,160 and I went back to the place and bought the ring and they bought 470 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,880 some champagne and some stuff and we plotted out on a 471 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,680 Wednesday on the 19th. Where were you in Ireland? 472 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,440 A place called Sleeve. Sleeve League. 473 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:33,600 Yeah, it's actually the highest. It's the highest cliffs, the 474 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,520 highest. I love it there of the only 475 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,320 rainy day, the only rainy day in the kids room. 476 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,600 We're walking and I got, you know, just got the ring in the 477 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,640 pocket and I, you know, the girls get the cameras ready and 478 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,120 I get that on one knee. And I do this and Katie looks at 479 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,720 me like, is your knee OK? Yeah. 480 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,680 What are you doing on the ground? 481 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,080 And I'm like, OK, you can think about it if you want to. 482 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:57,360 And I think she was just kind of. 483 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,880 Yeah, it was a surprise, actually. 484 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,880 I mean, I really, I wasn't expecting that. 485 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,760 And it was like, oh, oh, this is happening. 486 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,400 Did you say? Yes, I did, yeah. 487 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,400 I love that the girls were part of it. 488 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,240 Like how? I do. 489 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,000 Too. That they helped you conspire. 490 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,720 And pull it off. And I love that you really 491 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,720 didn't know, because most people kind of have an inkling. 492 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,240 No, we I. Didn't you? 493 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,840 Didn't. I didn't have an inkling till I 494 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,160 got halfway to. Ireland. 495 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,640 This is like a running theme with this guy. 496 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,000 Goes with this gut it sounds. Like I. 497 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,360 Do have a question? Was there ever a moment, Don? 498 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,280 Were you completely at peace with Elaine? 499 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,280 You know, Elaine and I were married just short of 30 years. 500 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:48,360 Not perfect, but very good so and I really do think if you 501 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,840 have a good relationship that your spouse would like you to 502 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:51,360 be. Happy. 503 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,760 Absolutely. 100. Percent your. 504 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,000 Kids want you to be happy. Sure. 505 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,800 People want you to be happy. I don't feel like I'm you. 506 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,680 Didn't have to struggle with anything, would. 507 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:01,920 You know, you know. Yeah. 508 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,040 Well, just like the first time around, right when you know. 509 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,760 My oldest daughter was asking about that recently and she 510 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,760 goes, do you know? And it's like, do you know, I 511 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,480 said, well, sometimes you just know. 512 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,640 I mean, a little bit of Scotch will help you out. 513 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,920 For sure, but sometimes. You. 514 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,480 Just you. Know. 515 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,160 Don just like leaps before he looks anyway. 516 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,080 He's like. No, he has a schedule. 517 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,680 He has your schedule. I learned a little bit from 518 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,440 Zephyr when I was, you know, Zephyr, you know, he had this 519 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,000 girl and they moved in together. And it's like, wait, how long 520 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,440 have you been? How long have you known her? 521 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,400 And I think he said like 3 months. 522 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,680 And I'm like, what? And he goes, well, you, you may 523 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,600 as well find out. Well, they're not together, 524 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,160 right? But I did go, well, OK, that's 525 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,080 right. You may if you if you think this 526 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,160 is it, or you know this is it, you just go. 527 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,800 Yeah, life's too short, as we know when you've lost someone. 528 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,600 So I know we have a whole second part that we want to get to. 529 00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:00,640 But before we move into that, Katie, is there anything that 530 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:06,400 you could share with this, you know, the people who would be 531 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,320 possibly marrying a widower, a widower or, or even that are 532 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,080 looking and dating somebody? Like what are what are the 533 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,160 things that you've learned or what are some things that 534 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,880 surprised you? You know, how is I incorporated? 535 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:27,000 Yeah. I think it felt important to me 536 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:32,120 to hold space for Elaine and, and keep holding space and be be 537 00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:37,080 curious and not afraid to ask about the spouse who's passed 538 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:41,280 away. And, and that person is your 539 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:46,080 friend. You know, Don's mom, his family 540 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:51,520 was so supportive and welcoming. And his mom told me once and I 541 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,440 didn't really go to her talking. I didn't really tell her if I 542 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,160 had insecurities or whatever. She would occasionally just say 543 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,520 things. And I was like, oh, wow, that's 544 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,640 so helpful. But she said to me that there's 545 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:07,680 a lot of room in your heart and there's a there's a room, 546 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,400 there's a room for you and there's a room for Elaine and 547 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,680 you're all in there. And that was just such a nice 548 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,200 way to think about it. And so I guess I would say that 549 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,960 you're not competing with that person. 550 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,760 Reach out to your own support system because it is kind of 551 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,840 unknown territory and. Yeah. 552 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,000 Everyone involved for everyone. Well, she's, she's, she's not 553 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,760 replacing Elaine and Anne and I when we were in therapy, there 554 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:41,640 was a lot of that, you know, and that there was not replacing 555 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,120 this person. Well, it's like I read 556 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,720 something. If you have another child, are 557 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,520 you replacing the first child with the second child? 558 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,840 You know, do you love one more? I'm some days, but most of the 559 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,920 time no. And. 560 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:01,040 So I thought, oh, that's yeah, there's room for everybody. 561 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,360 And I love what you said. You're holding space for Elaine, 562 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,720 you're honoring her, and there's no competition, so. 563 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,080 It's actually your friend, which I think is beautiful. 564 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,600 Yeah, it is beautiful. I think that's beautiful way of 565 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,520 because she loved the. Same person you love. 566 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:19,600 Absolutely. And in some ways, mold him into 567 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:23,320 who he is for you, you know? So yeah, I love that. 568 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:23,960 Thank you. Well. 569 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:29,040 There's a, there's a few billion people in the world and I think 570 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,480 there's probably more than one person in the world that you 571 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,480 could have a good relationship with. 572 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,120 It's a matter of timing and where you are and everything 573 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,320 like that. And I feel very fortunate. 574 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:45,040 I mean, I, I think if you find true love one time, you're 575 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,800 probably pretty lucky. And I think I have found true 576 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,160 love twice. And that makes me, you know, 577 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,080 pretty, pretty lucky. Despite a few setbacks in life, 578 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,520 I love it. It's good. 579 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,680 I always say which? It's for all of us. 580 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,680 Like we were in love and we have a lot of love to give. 581 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,960 That's well, I like that. Next week, we will drop our 582 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,680 third installment of our conversation with Don Cash. 583 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,400 We're going to be covering the topic of compounded grief. 584 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:18,440 This family, after losing their mother, had to endure yet 585 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,200 another tragedy when Don's daughter Caitlin, found her 586 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:26,600 friend, professional cyclist Mariah MO Wilson, murdered in 587 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,440 her apartment. We discuss how you heal after 588 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:33,800 such a senseless tragedy and how grief from another loss comes 589 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,040 bubbling back to the surface. Stay tuned.