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This is episode 9 fireside chat 
and the title is How do I add 

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accountability and wise counsel 
into my life? 

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Hey res Pastor Daniel here with 
the fireside chat. 

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We're in an ongoing discussion 
over the last many fireside 

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chats about Christian 
friendship, Christian community,

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and how that pertains to the 
Christian life inside our church

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and how it shapes our culture in
our church. 

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How do I answer this question 
today and maybe give you a 

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couple examples? 
And that is, how do I add 

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accountability and wise counsel 
into my life? 

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How do I add accountability and 
wise counsel into my life? 

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We know from previous episodes 
that both of those are extremely

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important if we want to grow in 
Christ. 

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And we also know they're 
difficult. 

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They're difficult to Foster and 
grow and on. 

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So I want to talk about the 
process of adding them and I 

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want to give you some examples 
of where maybe that doesn't go 

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well, where it could go well. 
And I had a a few weeks ago, I 

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had a guy come up to me. 
He hadn't been in church in in 

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quite a while, months at least, 
maybe maybe years. 

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And came to me after a 
particularly, I think, 

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convicting sermon in which he'd 
been really the Holy Spirit 

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really worked, worked on him. 
And he catches me in the lobby 

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and he says, Pastor Daniel, I 
need your help. 

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I want you to hold me 
accountable for a series of 

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things. 
And I, I, I paused it for a 

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second. 
I don't want to chuckle, but I 

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just, you know, I want to say, 
hey, hold on, hold on, right? 

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This is not the way that you we 
go about it because I don't have

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access to your life. 
I don't even know you. 

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I, I don't have a frequency of 
access to see you enough to be 

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able to hold you accountable. 
You haven't, you haven't been 

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here months, right? 
Let's talk about how that works.

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And so I wanted to talk to you 
about how that works. 

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So what's the first step? 
If I'm looking at my life, maybe

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doing a little inventory and I 
think, man, I don't really have 

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any close accountability and I 
don't have any wise counsel in 

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my life. 
What's the first step? 

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OK, this could sound a little 
bit counterintuitive, but it's 

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going to make sense. 
The first step, if you realize I

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don't have any accountability 
and I don't have any wise 

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counsel in my life, is to start 
by investing in other people. 

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Yep, that's that's where you 
start. 

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I know that sounds weird. 
You find people to serve. 

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The first step is to serve 
others before you start 

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consuming and taking. 
So even though what you 

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recognized in your life and and 
by the way, admirable that the 

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the work of the spirit in your 
life has is is showing you that 

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you you lack that 
accountability. 

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You lack that wise counsel. 
That's awesome. 

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But the first step is always to 
serve others, because that's how

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Jesus modeled this to us. 
Even though you see needs in 

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your life, we start by serving 
other people. 

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Mark 1044 through 45. 
And Jesus said it. 

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Whoever would be first among you
must be slave of all. 

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For even the Son of Man came not
to be served, but to serve and 

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to give his life as ransom for 
many. 

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So we have a servant mentality. 
We serve before we consume. 

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Galatians 513 says, for you were
called the freedom brothers. 

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Only do not use your freedom as 
an opportunity for the flesh, 

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but through love serve one 
another. 

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So how do I go about serving 
others? 

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And how would serving others 
lead me to actually getting this

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accountability and wise counsel 
in my life? 

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Well, you're going to need to 
foster relationships with other 

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people in order to build enough 
rapport with them and, and 

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enough relational equity with 
them that they can hold you 

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accountable and, and, and that 
you can trust their wise 

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counsel. 
And that's going to take time. 

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And the way you start is not by 
asking them to do a bunch of 

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things for you, the way you 
start building that 

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relationship. 
And by the way, some of our 

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previous fireside chats have 
talked a lot about building 

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Christian relationships. 
So if you may miss some of 

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those, it may be it, it may be 
edifying to go back and, and 

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listen to a couple of those. 
But we, we start by serving 

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others, by being a good 
listener. 

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So what you're looking for in, 
in that relationship is someone 

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that's going to listen well and 
pay attention to kind of what's 

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going on in your life. 
So you start by modeling that by

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becoming a good listener to 
someone else, right. 

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If I want to be teachable, I 
don't want to. 

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I want to be able to actually 
listen and receive 

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accountability. 
I want to be able to listen and 

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receive wise counsel. 
I've got to become a good 

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listener. 
And so I start by investing in 

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people's lives and listening. 
I, I build those relationships 

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in the small group. 
Maybe it's in a ministry that I 

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serve in, maybe I've gone out 
the coffee with some, some 

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people in any of these avenues 
or methods. 

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However this works, I become a 
good listener. 

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I, I start actively listening to
what's going on in their life, 

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paying attention to what's going
on in their life and, and, and 

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speaking back into their life. 
I just want to listen, I want to

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hear what's going on And, and, 
and it's probably one of the 

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fastest ways that you're going 
to build relationship is, is 

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really paying attention to 
another individual. 

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And then as you listen, finding 
ways to serve them, right, 

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you're investing in them. 
And so you spend enough time 

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listening what's going on in 
someone's life in the context. 

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Again, you need some sort of 
frequency of access, right? 

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I got AI need a small group, I 
need a mentorship, I need a 

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ministry I'm serving in. 
I need, I kind of see those 

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people, right? 
And, and look, we have previous 

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episodes on kind of choosing the
right friends. 

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I mean, these people need to 
love Jesus. 

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They need to love the church. 
They need to love you. 

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We've talked about some of these
things, but but I really need to

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listen now as I'm trying to be a
better listener. 

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One of the things I'm really 
paying attention to as I'm 

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developing this relationship in 
order to really bake 

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accountability and good counsel 
into my life is I'm really going

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to take a self-assessment of how
well I do when I get corrected. 

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I think that's a big deal, 
right? 

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So when someone tells you 
something you don't agree with 

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esecially about you, am I good 
at listening to that? 

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Do I actually receive something 
from it? 

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Am I good at asking clarifying 
questions? 

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Hey, what do you mean by that, 
right? 

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Those are, those are important 
things that you need to learn if

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you want to get accountability 
and wise counsel in your life. 

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Otherwise, it's wasted on you, 
right? 

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And, and, and it won't last. 
If you're terrible at receiving 

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feedback, it will not take very 
long for people to stop giving 

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you feedback. 
If you're terrible at receiving 

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correction, it will not take 
very long for people to stop 

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correcting you. 
If you're horrible at receiving 

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wise counsel, it's not going to 
take very long before people 

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don't give you their wisdom. 
Not casting pearls among the 

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swine, right? 
We're not giving wise counsel 

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where it's not even received, 
where it's not warranted, where 

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it's not wanted. 
And so you're proving you want 

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wise counsel. 
You're proving that you want 

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accountability by being a good 
listener. 

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I demand that I learn something 
from every conversation. 

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So someone is ripping me a new 
one. 

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I mean, just tearing me up, but 
with criticism, I'm going to 

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find some nugget in there that I
can grow from. 

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We would call that eating the 
meat and spitting out the bones.

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Right? 
Now, here's the thing. 

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Let's say you're building this a
relationship with someone or a 

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group of guys or gals or a small
group or ministry partners and 

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that you volunteer with whatever
these contexts, right? 

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You're building this and you've 
been really practicing on 

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listening and kind of investing 
in their life, finding ways to 

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serve those people. 
And you, you think you got to 

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the point where man, I, I think 
I've, I've earned enough. 

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This relationship's deep enough.
It's safe enough that I can, I, 

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I would really like 
accountability and wise counsel 

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in this relationship. 
OK, here's the next step. 

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Ready. 
This is, this is the shocker. 

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You ask for it. 
Yeah, that's right. 

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You ask for. 
So in the context of the 

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relationship, now that you've 
built by listening, by serving 

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others, you then ask for it. 
Now that doesn't come a week 

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into the relationship, right? 
That, that it's going to take 

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some time. 
It takes time to fall in love. 

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It takes time to build 
relationships. 

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It could take time for you to 
listen. 

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It's going to take time for you 
to find opportunities to serve 

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someone. 
But, but in time, when you built

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that relationship, you're going 
to ask for the accountability. 

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You're going to say, Hey, would 
you be willing to hold me 

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accountable to something in my 
life? 

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And, and, and you're, you're 
going to accept the answer 

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because the answer may be no. 
The answer may be a very polite 

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way of saying no, and that's OK,
but you can ask for it. 

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You can be clear on what you 
want out of that accountability.

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So if it's that you're really 
struggling with a specific sin 

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in your life or a specific thing
that is morally neutral but has 

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begin to have too much maybe of,
of, of an influence on you, 

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you're going to say, hey, here's
what it is. 

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Here are the ways that I often 
succumb to this sin or this 

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area. 
And here's what I here are the 

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markers I need you to look out 
for. 

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I mean, you're laying it all out
out there and you're saying what

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I'd love for you to do is hold 
me accountable in this way. 

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I'd love you to text me once a 
week. 

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I'd love you to ask me these 
questions. 

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I'd like, I mean, you're be 
clear, be articulate, don't be 

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vague. 
Ask for it. 

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If you want accountability wise 
counsel in your life, number 

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one, you're going to earn it by 
serving other people, becoming a

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good listener and investing in 
their life and then giving that 

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some time and space to develop. 
And then when appropriate, And 

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you're going to have to feel 
that out a little bit based on 

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the the growth in the 
relationship, you're going to 

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ask for it and you're going to 
be specific about what you're 

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looking for and you're going to 
walk through that. 

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And then again, if you get good 
at accepting the wise counsel, 

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if you get good at accepting the
correction and show that you 

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actually treasure it, what what 
will happen is you, you will 

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have shown the other party or, 
or people in that context that 

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you really do value it. 
And you'll find that that 

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they're willing to invest their 
time and their energy in that 

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with you because you value it. 
I hope that's helpful for you 

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guys. 
I know each of these situations 

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sometimes a little bit 
different. 

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So I talk a little bit in 
generalities around some of 

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this, but I will, just from 
personal experience, I will tell

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you that close accountability 
and good wise counsel in your 

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life is so invaluable. 
There's not really a parallel to

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it. 
And we were designed for it. 

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We need it. 
It will help us grow and we can 

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earn it. 
And we can earn it through our 

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own willingness to serve others.
Be humble in in our listening, 

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particularly around correction 
and things we disagree with. 

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And in time that will actually 
pay off as a phenomenal 

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relational investment in our 
life to help us love Jesus more,

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but to look more and more like 
Jesus Christ. 

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I love you, Rez. 
Until next time, Pastor Daniel.