Welcome to the Mindset Bay podcast.
If you want more confidence and motivation then you're in the
right place every week at your dose of self development advice
and strategies. I'm your host Perry Richardson,
life coach, N OP practitioner, motivational speaker and mental
health advocate. My mission is hope you find more
happiness and take more action in your life.
Now let's begin. Hello, hello, Hello, babe.
Welcome to the Mindset Babe podcast.
In today's episode, I want to talk about the number one thing
you're missing. If you want to stop beating
yourself up, if you want to stop being so hard on yourself, like
you make one small mistake, one bad decision, one moment where
you didn't show up the way you wanted to, and you suddenly
become your worst critic. You start replying with
everything. I should have done that
differently. Why did I say that?
Why am I even like this? Like, Oh my goodness.
And before you know it, you're not just reflecting on the
situation, you're attacking yourself.
So in today's episode, I want to share the number one thing
you're missing if you want to stop beating yourself up.
Before we get into it, I want to talk about something very
exciting, something that's here for a limited time.
The 60 minute Self Doubt Detox. This is a call where I help you
cleanse the negative thoughts out of your brain.
The thoughts that make you judge yourself, make you feel bad.
The thoughts that disconnect you from you.
This is a call designed to help you no longer doubt yourself
anymore, to eliminate the negative brain chatter in your
mind. These calls are only available
for March. I wanted to do something for the
spring. It's women's month.
There's just so many amazing things happening and I wanted to
offer this to you, give you the opportunity to have the space to
actually come to a call, talk about what's going on in your
life, the struggles, the pain, everything, and work through
that. Have opportunity to heal that so
the self doubt detox is available.
It's only here for this month, so make sure you grab on it.
You can go ahead. You can join with the link in
the description box. All right, let's get into the
episode. The only thing that you're
missing is compassion, compassion, compassion.
Most people think compassion is about how we treat other people,
but compassion is something we rarely give to ourselves.
I wanted to define compassion. I have like my definition.
I was like, oh, I wonder what the real definition is.
So my definition of compassion is to give yourself
understanding, to give yourself grace, giving yourself a break.
The dictionary says Google says compassion is the understanding
of another suffering combined with the desire to take action
to alleviate the suffering. This is so important.
If you haven't listened to Tuesday's episode, I talked
about the five powerful truths that you need to know about
life. It's something like that.
Let me let me search for you guys.
It is episode 286, Five powerful lessons that will change how you
think. Make sure you listen to that
episode after this one. If you didn't know, I post
episodes every Tuesday and Friday.
So make sure that you follow the show, subscribe to the show so
you never miss an episode. Did you subscribe yet?
Did you follow yet? Did you do it right now?
But anywho, we're going back to the Tuesday's episode.
I talk about how life is hard. The one thing you need to know
is that life is very hard. Life is challenging, life is
tough, life is unfair. So when these situations show
up, because they will, because they will, are you willing to
give yourself compassion in those shitty moments?
Are you willing to understand your suffering without shame or
judgement? Are you willing to be your
friend instead of your enemy? I found this quote by Christine
Neff. She is a leading researcher on
self compassion and I found this article she mentions with self
compassion. We give ourselves the same
kindness and care we would give to a good friend.
Yeah, most of us don't do that. We become our own bully.
Like we're not our friend or like friend.
Like who's that? We're our biggest bully.
We're our biggest self critic. We are the mean girl to
ourselves. Like we are not our friends.
We typically fight against who we are and what we're doing.
And honestly, that's why I created the self doubt detox.
So you're no longer fighting with yourself that you're no
longer mean to yourself because it's not you, it's not you, it's
not your soul, it's your brain. It's your brain that has
convinced you all the reasons why you should doubt yourself,
why you should judge yourself, why you shouldn't love yourself.
It's the voices in your head. Have you heard like I love that
song. I think the artist is Amaya.
Like the song is really good, but I've seen like TikTok
variations. I don't even have TikTok, but
real variations of like the voices in my head go.
I'm not good enough. I hate my life.
This is terrible. But it's a good song.
All the voices in my head go anywho, we want to quiet the
negative voices in your head. Everyone has them.
We have an average of 14,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day.
So the self doubt detox helps you interrupt that voice.
The negativity in your mind. I want to talk about, but like
how? Like how do I give myself
compassion? I can hear you now, like, OK
Perry, that's cool, but how I can hear you already?
I think the best place to start is with an analogy.
I want you to imagine a kid who just lost a soccer game.
Parent number one says, what's wrong with you?
You're embarrassing. You should have played it
better. Parent #2 says, I know that was
hard. I saw how hard you tried.
Losing sucks, but I'm proud of you for showing up.
Same situation 2. Completely different outcomes. 1
outcome is rooted in judgement and the other outcome is rooted
in love, rooted in compassion, respect, grace, giving yourself
a break. And the only thing that is
different is the dialogue, the words communicated to the kid.
Most of us are communicating to ourselves like the first parent.
What's wrong with you? You're embarrassing.
You should have played better. How you show yourself more
compassion is by the dialogue that you have with yourself, the
communication that you have with yourself.
So how do you actually start doing this?
It starts with changing the dialogue you have with yourself
during the failure, the hard moments.
Instead of saying I'm such an idiot, I'm so stupid, try that
didn't go as I hoped it would, but I'm learning we all start
from somewhere. Instead of saying I always mess
up, try, this was a mistake. Mistakes are a part of life.
Mistakes are a part of growth. I'm proud that I showed up.
And this isn't like toxic positivity.
This is actually emotional maturity, being emotionally
strong and stable for yourself in the shitty tough moments of
life. So I wrote down a couple
questions. When you lose, when you have the
failure, the tough moments, when life is hard, how do you want to
talk to yourself? Let's decide right now, when you
fall on your face, how do you want to communicate to yourself?
How do you want to talk to yourself?
What's the dialogue you want to have with yourself?
Something that I tell myself all the time is, it's OK, it's OK.
You had missed expectations, It's OK.
It didn't go the way you wanted it.
It's OK. I'm proud of you for showing up,
for trying. Not a lot of people have the
balls to do so, but you did. You're actually a step ahead of
the pack. And yes, I didn't conquer the
challenge, but I survived. I'm still here and now I'm the
person who survived this, who went through this.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
And then how can you show yourself kindness instead of
hatred? Again, that's like the dialogue
you have with yourself, but like, what are you physically
doing? Are you punishing yourself by
overworking, not doing fun things?
Like you're like, I can't do this anymore, whatever it is.
Like, are you punishing yourself for doing something quote UN
quote wrong or not right or whatever the reason why you're
not giving yourself compassion because XY and Z, are you
punishing yourself for that or are you giving yourself
kindness? For me, I love a good hug.
I always hug myself anytime I am just feeling like I need love,
grace, compassion. When I just need a fucking
break, I give myself a hug. I'll take myself and get some
ice cream. I'll let myself watch my show
and I'll allow myself to cry. So how can you actually show
yourself the grace, the compassion?
How can you actually let me go back to the definition?
How can you actually understand your suffering and at the same
time have the strong desire to take action to alleviate the
suffering, which I love the like second part of that definition.
It's not like we're just understanding the suffering and
staying in the suffering and wallowing and pitying ourselves
for weeks and weeks and weeks at a time.
So now we understand and we move forward.
So how are you going to move forward?
The last question I wrote down is looking at the house
improvements instead of doing a whole home like remodel and
demo. Like you don't need to tear down
the whole kitchen to have a beautiful home.
Maybe you just need to repaint the kitchen cabinets, or maybe
do the counters like a different marble.
Whatever it is, do some granite in there.
Maybe just change the floors, the tiles, or maybe you just
want a cute little mat in front of your sink.
Like you don't need to completely change everything to
have a different outcome, to have a different result, to give
yourself that compassion. So you want to look at what's
working. You want to look at what's going
right. You want to look at the
positivity, the lessons, the self improvement projects
instead of tearing yourself down.
That's the number one thing you're missing.
If you want to stop beating yourself up, if you want to stop
being so hard on yourself is you need to start giving yourself
compassion, understanding your suffering and taking action to
relieve the pain. One of my favorite authors,
Brené Brown says talk to yourself like you would to
someone you love. Your inner dialogue is the
environment. Your confidence grows where
yourself love grows. Criticism kills the self well
that you have, while compassion fuels it.
If you're realizing today that your biggest struggle isn't
discipline or being motivated, it's the voice of self doubt in
your head, then the self doubt detox is for you.
Inside, you're going to learn to break the cycle of overthinking,
stop the consistent nagging and self criticism, and build real
self trust, confidence and compassion.
And you probably know by now that beating yourself up doesn't
make you feel better. It makes you feel worse and it
keeps you stuck. Compassion allows you to learn,
adjust, and move forward because life is hard.
You will make mistakes and things won't always go according
to plan, but in these moments, the most powerful thing you can
do is give yourself compassion, grace, understanding, and a
little break. This is why I created the Self
Doubt detox. I would love to support you this
month. You can go ahead.
You can join with the link and then show notes.
All right, I love you so much. I'll see you in the next one.
Bye. Thank you so much for listening
to the Mindset Babe podcast. If you are looking to get more
confidence and take action towards your dreams, then I want
to invite you to work with me. Ioffer private one-on-one
mentorship. This mentorship will teach you
everything about goal setting, time management, and
manifestation so you can transform your mindset.
Get the tools to become the badass you were meant to be.
Register with the link in the show notes.