Just ghost. I don't want to hear that you're
so evolved and you're so kind. And because you're so evolved
and you're so kind, you can't love me.
I don't want to hear that. I want to hear that I'm so
evolved and I'm so kind that now we're in love.
And if you if and you know, if you're you're trying to do to
ease your own guilt, I don't care.
Yeah, you're a bad person. Yeah, well, you're not a bad
person for not dating me. I mean, you're transphobic and
racist, but no. But it's like, fine.
But it's just like, just leave me alone.
I don't care. I've already forgotten.
OK, well I haven't forgotten, but I've already processed this
right, that we're not going to be together and that's normal I
guess. So part of dating leave me
alone. I guess yeah, Well, I I first
was a little against it, but now I get it.
I get it like I don't want to. I don't want you to show up so
mature and then decide that you don't want to date me.
Like I I want to date a mature person.
Yes, and and I don't want. To date an immature person.
Exactly. So by ghosting me, you're being
immature. So I'm like, OK, yeah, yes.
You're doing me a kindness by maybe like fuck that boy.
He doesn't even he can't even talk to me.
He's such a loser. That's good.
Yes, that's good. That's healing for me.
Exactly right. So I can go to my friends and be
like, he didn't even text me back.
And then your friends would be like, you deserve better.
If he texts you back, you go to your friends and they're just
like wow you really missed out. You're right, you're right,
you're right. And like, if you can't text me.
So between texting because most people can't text within like 24
hours, them realizing that this is not for them.
So rather than like, between texting three days later and
just ghosting, maybe just ghosting.
Absolutely. Three days.
You've missed your window, you've ghosted.
You've functionally ghosted. You have 3.
Three days you've functionally ghosted.
You don't even get the benefit if you text 3 days after.
Hey, I'm not feeling it. You've just rejected me twice.
Yes, yes, I have had that. So, R John, Yeah.
What's keeping you up tonight? OK.
I I think is this is about it's, it's that if, if we've been on
fewer than four dates, you should ghost me.
Like, OK, OK, OK. Not if you, if you don't like me
and we've been on fewer than four dates, just ghost me.
I don't want it. Don't send me like, hey, I'm
just not feeling it. I don't want that.
Yeah. I don't know I'd I'd rather that
but but you will be waiting if you like the other person.
I'd rather like not having me wait like I'm waiting for three
days for your message. I thought you we hit it off, but
I didn't. I have no idea that you wanted
to ghost me or not see me again. I'd rather that you text me the
the what the first day instead of letting me wait for three
days and realize you're ghosting me.
OK, but be honest, be honest. How many times have you ever
actually received the hey, I'm not feeling this in a timely
manner. It's always three days later.
You said like, hey, let's hang out again.
Three days later. They're like, I'm not feeling
this. And it's like, yeah, I know it's
been 3 days. If you were feeling this 24
hours because of. Yeah, yeah.
I imagine, I don't know if you do this, but once I've what if
I'm, if I'm nearly dating somebody, once I've sent the
text, I immediately start processing the fact that they're
never going to text me again. And if they respond, I'm like,
that rocks. But otherwise I'm like, yeah,
well, that sucked. I liked them, but.
OK, well, I guess so. So you go into the texting
thinking that they're never, they're never.
So you already have the expectation that they're going
to ghost you. Well, I will say I send the text
and then for two hours I'm a normal person.
Around hour 3, I'm like the part of me that's like not healed
starts talking. And so then we just start
processing that. Sometimes they text back and
you're like, hell yeah, suck it. I am worthy of love.
But if they don't text back, then it's like, OK, if, if we're
not like look, obviously like I've heard stories where like of
ghost, actual ghosting, which I've never like the real
ghosting where it's like, oh, we're dating for six months.
But they stopped talking. I've never had that happen.
I don't even really know anyone that that's I know like one or
two people where that's happened to, but I've never experienced
that. So I thought ghosting, which is
where the girl just doesn't respond or the guy doesn't
respond or you know, neither doesn't respond after like next
I was like, oh, that's honestly not that bad.
I don't know. I, I, I, I can't, I can't agree
with you on that. Do you like getting the?
I'm not feeling this text. Yes, no, I don't like it, but I
feel like it's better than like keeping me waiting, you know?
I'd rather they cut to the chase and tell me like they don't feel
it like so then I move on to chase the next next one.
OK, but if you've been on, what do you mean move on?
You've only you've went on three days with this person, you're
hung up on them. Yes.
Oh, OK. Well, OK, But The thing is, have
you ever actually gotten the text in a time where no, no.
Right. So how about this?
You have 24 hours after that, don't respond to me ever again,
OK? Because how?
How long does it take for you to realize you're getting ghosted?
I guess, yeah, three days probably.
Yeah, so. Even on days, honestly.
Two days, right? Two days, yeah.
After two days you're like, they're not busy.
Yeah. No, they just take me.
Yeah, probably. And maybe there's something
wrong with me. No.
Well, no. No, no, no, no.
That's not us. Of course.
Yes. Oh, yeah.
That's a big thing I've learned in dating is that it's really
not about at the first three dates.
They got their own stuff going on.
If they have sex with you on the first date, they got something
going on. They don't something on.
It's just like, you know, it's about them.
They're just projecting onto you.
Other than that, you're hot. Right, right.
It just. Depends how.
It really just shows how hot you are.
What shows how? What shows like how many?
The first like what happens to you on the first couple dates?
Like how easy it is to get and how excited they are.
That's just like downstream of how hot you are.
Oh my God, that's that's like. But not your like, soul, huh?
Not your soul, but like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
'Cause that's how people think about Eddie.
When you first write, you're just like, look at this person.
Look how hot they are. You're not like, oh.
Yeah, you're not like. Nobody.
I guess you are like, they're a nurse.
Yeah, it's cool that they're a nurse.
Yeah, have you dated a nurse? No, I only date doctors.
I I've I've actually. Is that true?
No, I've dated a nurse. I've dated.
A nurse? Yeah.
Yeah, she was cool. She was cool.
She was. You don't even.
Remember. Yeah, I mean, I just, I mean,
you know, I'm. I don't think I've dated a nurse
anyway. Why not?
They're heroes. They are.
Well, they are you're. Not supporting our not backing
our our our our, our girls in scrubs.
That's crazy. We dated a doctor.
Have I? Have I?
No. Damn, wait, how old are you?
Never ask a woman. No, I'm 25.
Oh yeah, I guess it's kind of hard to date a doctor your age
because there aren't many 25 year old doctors.
Although you have to date older, which isn't that hard if you're
you. Well, I mean who?
I mean, it's not hard to date older if you're anyone.
So I mean, it's, I can be, I mean, I think if you're a, if
you're a straight guy, like that's tough, It's tougher cause
'cause I think, I mean, imagine, OK, imagine this.
How much do you want to date a 24 year old man?
Really. Not really.
OK, now imagine this is five years later.
Would you be like now I'm gonna. Do it, maybe.
Oh, really? Once you, Why?
Because like, I don't know, like I can be more like now I'm like
in, in it. I'm, I'm also in the same
struggle as them. But when I'm like out of the
struggle, I can just like see them as like, I don't know, like
less I, I know why they're, they can't be more committal.
And I will be OK with that because I'm more secure.
OK, Yeah. Four years from now, five years
now, you'll be like, they're a child.
Sort of. Yeah.
So now I can fuck them. OK, That's crazy.
I. Can't believe you're just.
You're just. Being like, no, Now I understand
that they're immature. Yeah, but you don't.
But you think that. OK.
I mean, I guess that'd be nice, yeah.
How old are you? I'm 28.
OK, Yeah. Would you date?
Older. Yeah, but younger, see, I don't
well. I'd probably, yeah, I don't
know. I mean, I'd just be like one of
those things where I was talking to this 22 year old and like
there were just a couple of moments where she was just
talking where I was just like, I literally was like, God, you're
so young. And so that I don't think I.
Could date somebody? What?
What did she say? Though, well, she was new, she
was just talking about comedy. And you know, I started, I was,
I've been doing stand up since I was 18.
So like, and just like, you know, the way she's like
thinking about things and and and excited about stuff or
looking forward to stuff from the confidence.
That's the young, that's the young part that you can't do.
Well, I mean, I'm still, there's still some I'm excited for, but
it's just different. And so it's just like, I could
just see that like you're like, Oh yeah, I remember doing that
and I remember feeling that it's not really what I'm feeling now.
Or if I talk to like a 25 year old, it's like, yeah, it's
pretty. I mean, yeah, I'm like, I don't
feel that removed from yeah, like your life experiences.
I mean, obviously I don't know. I mean, you seem to have a job
which is pretty different but. I don't know.
Oh, OK. What do you mean you don't know
you have a job? Yeah, but it's OK, We don't have
to talk about that in pod. Oh, really?
Oh, I'm sorry. That's OK.
No. That's don't have to.
You don't have to be sorry. I'm pretty.
I think I'm yeah, I'm happy. Well, if you want you can always
tutor. That's what I do.
You do what? Tutor.
Tutor children? You must be smart.
What? What?
I said, I said children. I'm smarter than children, but
I'm gonna go. But also, yeah, I'm smart.
Yeah, you are. Yeah.
What? What do you, what do you teach,
though? Just.
Math we should go back to sex but not having sex with people
who are younger but not the students.
No, no, no, no. Not the students, no, they're
they're yeah, but it's so yeah, I don't think it's it's harder
to date. I think older when you're like
there are I don't like, I think you have to be like appealing to
the type of person who wants to date younger and I don't always.
Right, yes, OK, I want, I want to date someone who's like
older, but this person has to be like, I have to twist their arm
to date. Me.
Oh yes, yes, yes, 'cause you don't want something like a
creep. Yes, yes.
You want someone who's like, no, I wouldn't, you're too young,
but you're just like. Then they just look at you and
be like, OK, this one's actually mature.
Yes, yes, I have to like, convince them.
I have to like, like, like, I have to chase them and convince
them that I'm mature and then they finally decide, OK, I'll
give this a chance. OK, OK, OK.
That would. Right.
Yeah, OK. Because that person would.
But also The thing is, yeah, I guess that person would text you
immediately. I didn't feel it, right?
Yeah, yes. So I guess so.
That sucks because if somebody were to actually text you, I
didn't feel it. You'd be like, well, this is the
kind of person I want. Oh my God, Oh my God, you're
perfect When you get immediately get the I'm not feeling a text.
Oh my God. But that's the thing.
That's why don't send it. Don't send it.
If you are actually have the emotional maturity to send the
I'm not feeling a text, then we were perfect for each other.
And I don't want to know that. I want to think you're just a
psychotic fuck boy who just doesn't think about me.
Oh my. God, so right, OK, I'm convinced
now. Yeah, I'm convinced 'cause you
could, yeah. If you're, if you're mature
enough to send a text, then we are for each other.
Yeah, well, you already said yeah, said no to.
Me, I mean I wouldn't. I don't send that text.
I mean, if I don't like somebody, my tactic because I
just keep going on dates with them until they stop and that
always works. But like do you like try to be
annoying so they like they stop the process like sooner?
I don't necessarily have to try. Yeah, I feel like I'm pretty.
I mean, I, I, I, I really struggle with code switching.
This is how I like the way I'm talking to you right now is how
I talk at work. What do you do?
Why two children? I don't talk to them about this
stuff, but like if I'm with my Co workers, I'll just be like
this. Like when I was working in
offices, I was just like, hey, we all hate it here, right?
And people would be like, really?
No, yeah. So and then on date, this is how
we talk on dates. But I feel like if you're
straightforward then I feel like you will be have no problem
sending the texts that were not for each other.
Like what's the? Yeah, I guess I'm not really.
I guess I sound straightforward, but in dating, I lie a lot.
Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But not like intentionally to be manipulative.
I just would like, I never want to make anyone feel bad.
And also, please don't be mad at me.
So that's a little bit manipulative.
But yeah, no, if I don't like somebody, it's like, well,
that's not my place, you know, especially if I'm dating a
woman. It's like, who am I to say that
you're bad? We'll just keep seeing each
other until you kind of figure out that I don't like you.
Well, you. Don't have to say they're bad.
You can just say like, this is not a good match.
I feel like you, you like if I ever have to send a text, I have
to be like, oh, this is not you, this is me.
Like it's not. You say it's not you, it's me.
Yeah, like I'm not ready for this.
What? You said you hit them with and
it's not you, it's me. Yeah, why not?
Do you not, do you guys not have that where you're from?
What? It's not you, it's me.
It's like a classic line. Yeah, for what?
For breaking up with someone, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you say it isn't it.
But everyone knows it's not you. It's me is wrong.
It's 100% you. But.
Maybe it's. That's that's a Seinfeld
episode. Well, have you seen Seinfeld?
Yes, but maybe not that episode. I don't remember.
OK, right now, yeah. But yeah, it's not.
It's always the other person. I'm fine on a first.
First of all, on three dates, there's absolutely no way it's
you. What could possibly be going on
in your life that would prevent you from going on four dates
with someone? Well, you know, I don't know,
like I, I don't know, I like prettier people.
Because they're ugly. Well, you would know that after
day one. I I guess maybe it like.
But that's not it's not you, it's me.
If they're ugly, it's 100% them. I don't know.
Or maybe I should be less shallow.
Maybe it's me. 25 You don't have to be less shallow.
You live in New York, right? Not only are is the perfect
person for you, there's a hotter version of that person and they
live here. Oh my God, Yeah, come to me.
So no, it's awesome. No, New York's great because
like there's so many people here that you can date a hot person
and it's not you're not even doing a wrong thing.
You know where you're like taking there's just so many,
there's just way more hot people.
Like they can't all pair up because they don't all look
perfect. So you just there's so many
couples where you're like what and like right.
The one thing about I like about New York is sometimes you will
see it where the what is the man is hotter.
That's something I only see in New York.
Really. I've never seen it.
I've seen it. OK, give me a much hotter man,
please. Yeah, no, because in San
Francisco. OK, Yeah, you're.
Already in I'm from Have you been?
Like a couple days. Oh, cool.
And do you do? I was going to ask if you worked
in, did you work in tech? No.
Damn. OK, then.
Never mind. It's not the place to be.
I'll just be like if you worked in tech, SF's great.
If you have a good job, SF's a wonderful place.
Or if you're from there or if you're visiting, it's great.
But there you see couples where almost every what couple is like
a ugly man and I've never seen it the opposite in SF but here
here sometimes you see reverse. Here OK.
But still the most commonly it's it's hot girl.
But I think there's a lot more parody out here.
You see, hot girl, hot guy. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, I do. But sometimes I feel like they
might not. They might be like friends.
I don't know if they're that's. True, if they're equally hot,
because if you see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, they're
definitely dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're hot
people aren't will date ugly people.
They're actually not really going to be friends with them,
right, Right. Because you'll see like groups
of girls and you're like, do you guys only?
Do you guys like vet your friends based on how hot they
are? I think they do.
I mean, but that's like, do they think that?
I mean, I'm friends with hot girls and I'm like, sometimes
I'm like, hey, if you notice, all your friends are hot and
they're like, yes, my friends are beautiful.
I was like, no, no, no, no, they're not like beautiful in
the way that like your friends are beautiful.
I'm like, they're like, they like they're, they're, they're
like, they're like capitalist hot, you know, I mean.
Yeah, they're like, mean hot. Yeah well not mean hot they're
just like like they the a picture of them has like
economic value okay like on Instagram and stuff yeah like
they're conventionally. OK, I talk to me.
OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not just like in the way that like, people are like, yes, hot,
you know what I mean? You know, people are like hot
where they're just like, I love what you have going on.
Yeah, I'm not talking about that, OK?
I'm saying the way their eyes and face and body look is like
good. OK.
And I don't even and then and then all the but they don't have
an answer. They're just like, OK, I guess
that's. I think they attract each other.
Yeah, I guess they're just lives are similar yeah 'cause some I
do have hot friends yeah when you talk to hot I have do have
hot friends and I have a hot friend and she just like.
You have a hot what? I have a hot.
Friend and she'll just like when we're talking she's like, you
know how everybody's having sex with everybody and I was like,
no, that's actually just you guys.
Actually, you guys are the beautiful people are all having
sex with each other, but most of us aren't.
Most of us have sex occasionally and it's like we're like that
rocked. But OK, so like you said then
beautiful people have sex with each other, so where's the ugly?
You were just saying like they're dating on ugly.
People, I said. The beautiful people all fuck
each other, but they date whoever.
Oh, so you can date 1, You can snatch one from the beautiful
people having sex with beautiful people thing.
Yeah. And you take them out of the
pool and it sucks, but I don't know what they got going on.
They got something going on in their head that makes you think
that they like you. Yeah.
This reminds me of like, obviously Samantha's hot.
Have you seen Sex in the City? Have I seen Sex in the City?
Like I always have to ask, you know, people have been
surprising me. And how long have?
You been watching Sex in the City?
Well, how many times or? Like no.
When, when did you start? How old were you?
No, not not old. Oh, OK.
Recently. Yeah.
Oh, OK, OK, OK. But you've gone.
How many times have you watched it?
I mean, I don't know, like 2. Oh, OK, OK, OK.
OK, so not a so you've you've watched it, but you wouldn't say
you have deep knowledge of it. I might.
OK, well, that's interesting. Anyways, continue.
No, it's reminding me of like Samantha and the like the model
that she was dating like at the end of the.
Oh my God, what is his name? I forgot his name.
The one who stays with her when she has cancer.
God, what is his name? Jamie, pull that up.
Wait. That's from Joe Rogan.
Oh, have you? No.
I just may not be in the podcast.
The guy, the guy that Joe Rogan has to do Google things is named
Jamie. And so he says, Jamie, pull that
up. We have Brianna.
Brianna could help. Yeah, that's was a joke.
I didn't think your name was Jamie.
I just thought that was a fun joke.
Google Samantha. Boyfriend.
Cancer. Samantha Boyfriend Season 6,
Yeah. Season 6 Samantha boyfriend yes
and while yes you can cut out. No, I don't have to.
OK, we'll put that in. Well, we'll give Brianna credit
if. She's I mean, I got my phone
right here and it's also on theme so can I Google it?
No, wait, can you put that down? Like put the water bottle on the
floor. Sorry, I guess you're gonna have
to edit it out. That's OK or they might be send
me money. Please send me.
Money. Oh yeah.
No, it's OK. An episode of Seinfeld, Poland
Spring. Yeah, no.
What? Wait.
No, I have no idea. Wait.
They're the with the one that Elaine, how many times have you
seen Seinfeld? Not many.
There's a good, I don't know, Anytime I see AI see like brands
from Seinfeld, I'm like New York.
What? S AM ANTHANTH.
A Yes. Wait, why?
We're OK? Yes, because because that's a
hot guy that stayed. I mean, obviously Samantha's
very hot and they're successful too, but like she's like much
older and like you would think a guy like that would like ditch
this woman who's like much older than him, like immediately after
she made him famous. But but he stayed and he's the
one that's like like more attached.
Yeah. So I, I think, OK, I, OK, I
think the hot and beautiful, like top of the world
capitalistic hot people, they are actually lonely.
So that's why. Oh.
OK. Yes, and if they did another hot
and hot person that's like equally as hot as as them, they
probably don't have that much of A emotional capacity to like be
there for each other. That's why they.
They need somebody who's lonely. They need, they need a normal
yeah, yeah. To be, to like ground them.
Yeah, OK. Maybe.
I don't know. Since I've gotten here, all the
people I've had like really intense relationships with have
been really hot and I'm like, this is the greatest city in the
world. Okay, that's pretty good.
No, I love New York, NY is a great place to date.
Yeah. Very, I don't know and a great
place to transition. So if you're thinking about it,
are you thinking about it? Not.
Not yet. OK.
I mean, you know. I mean, I I want to take more
like I want to take more estrogen.
I feel like I'm not women enough.
Oh, OK, girl. Me too.
By the way, I didn't know much on the podcast.
I am transgender, which is why I'm saying transition.
I'm a transgender woman, which I know isn't immediately clear,
but that's me. But that I I'm not going to do
anything with my voice. It's too hard, but you want to
take more estrogen to be more like a woman.
No, I want to be more like a woman but I don't know if taking
estrogen. Probably just.
Yeah, that's probably. A joke.
It's just like I, I think I mentioned this before because
like, I feel like I've met trans women and they have bigger boobs
than me. Yeah.
And I'm like. What?
Well, the OK, so the thing about the boob thing is it's actually
not it's hormones, but it's also genetic how your genes interact
with. So it's just like all people
have in them sort of genetically encoded boob size.
Okay. And so if their hormones make
their tits big. Also a lot of them have implants
I'm. Saying not the implants what I'm
not. Even without the implants, yeah.
So yeah, no, so you can. You are growing tits.
Yeah, and they're still growing. You know, girl, like, they're,
no, they hurt kind of in the morning.
Oh, damn. That's how, you know, they're
growing. Yeah.
No, I just. And it's it's it's awesome.
I love them. Oh, my God.
I've never had tits before. And they're the best part.
Yeah, they're by far the best part.
OK. So far.
Yeah. That and I guess just like being
happier all the time. Aw, but like, not like a state
of bliss, but just sort of like I'm way less miserable.
OK, wait, so is that like a effect of hormones or is that
just you're more happy because you're living as yourself?
Probably the second thing, but the hormones help do the first
thing. OK.
Because I know like, you know, like when I get period, it's
because like when women get period, there's like more cramps
and like maybe the emotion it will, there's like an emotional
fluctuation because there's more testosterone or like the male
estrogen and the male testosterone, yes, yeah.
In the woman's body. So that's why I'm like, that
makes me feel like anxious. So maybe.
Maybe it makes all yeah, yeah, maybe it reduced my It does not
do that. If anything, I'm actually
slightly more anxious, but that's probably just because
life gotten harder. But like the world and but no,
are all men anxious all the time?
God, it will. That would be wonderful.
No men men are have lower rates of anxiety because they're
actually less conscientious. And no, I think it's the
hormones, the hormonal fluctuations.
I mean, there are definitely more.
Like there are times when sometimes I'm a lot more
sensitive and I know some trans girls, they will start getting
period cramps even though really, yeah, I'm so I don't
have that I'm. So that would be crazy if I had
that crazy like. What?
Really. I have no, I thought that's like
because like your uterine. Contractor, I have no fucking
glue apparently, but hey, you know, God sucks and just wants
to punish people, but you know, part of the pain is you know the
pain's good. You gotta if you don't, part of
you know, you know. Fleabag speech season 1 and do
you know? What I mean by that?
No, OK, I'm like thinking. Well, does people know here?
It's the one where she says the older woman gives a speech about
like, how being a woman is like pain built in, OK.
And so which I don't necessarily subscribe to, but you know, when
you experience it, you're like, OK, this is making up for all
the periods I've missed and we'll never have, which I'm very
grateful for. Well.
Yeah, I yeah, I probably don't. No, I mean, it's a it's it's,
yeah. Yeah, they seem, they seem.
It's just messy. I don't seems.
Messy. They seem awful, Yeah.
Every experience I've had with them.
No. Not great, not great, although I
love supporting Yeah and being there and to that, but yeah, no,
I. Wait, do we get the name?
Oh my God, yes. What's the name?
We taught you how to spell it. Samantha's boyfriend?
Yes. Yes.
What's the name? Chase.
Nick. Oh, my.
Oh, girl, let me, let me. I'll do it.
That is too Chinese. That is not the right person, is
it Samantha? Sex.
No, no, no. Wait.
Sorry. I think that's the wrong
Samantha. Yeah.
Samantha Jones. OK, Yeah, that's the wrong
Samantha. I don't know.
I actually my autocomplete was the same woman as that gender.
Wait. What Jerry Smith, Jerry.
Smith. Yes, Smith, Jerry Smith.
Jerry Smith. She even gave him a real a new
name. Yes, I.
Forgot about. That Yeah, Yes.
So yeah, she stayed with a hot She she was a hottie and he but
they were both hot. Yeah.
And you like that show. Yeah, I love that show.
I love it. Yeah, like I quote too much from
that. And you live in, like,
Manhattan. Exactly so.
Yeah, cuz I love Brooklyn. Oh well, how did how does
Brooklyn feel? Brooklyn's great, but they talk
so much shit about Brooklyn. I'm like, they're like,
Brooklyn's pretty much the slums.
Yeah. When Miranda wants to move in
Season 6, he's like, I might as well be dead.
I was like. And then you see their
apartment. It's like, this is Park Slope.
You live in a very nice neighborhood.
Yeah, But this was back in like, both like pretty gentrification.
Brooklyn. Yeah.
So they were there gentrifying it.
So. Yeah.
Oh, so they were the prop. Yeah.
Did you think Miranda's? But I always felt like Steve was
the hottest of all the boyfriends.
Do you share that? No.
Who's yours? Oh.
My God. Oh my God.
Wait, I don't know. I I don't.
Maybe the Jared guy? Smith OK, OK.
Smith. But I think about Smith, Jared
is that he's just kind of nothing, you know?
He's nothing. Yeah, he's just, he's just had a
lot going on. He just kind of exists to
support Samantha. They don't really explore him at
all. I think Aiden was interesting.
Obviously, Mr. Big, I like. No, if you like Mr. Biggs.
Too toxic? Mr. Biggs sucks.
Yeah. I mean, you could tell that the
actors are rapist. Like he.
Yeah. And then like, but then I like
Steve. I get all of his insecurities.
I understand. I think they have a good
dynamic. I would.
I like that he's obsessed with Miranda.
Yeah, because Miranda's probably my favorite.
And I think it's good, you know? We actually like the the bald
guy Charlotte married. Oh, the lawyer.
Yeah, they were super weird about him being Jewish.
Right. Yes.
We're just like, you live in New York.
Why are you talking about Jews like they're foreign?
I know you know so many. And they were just.
And they would just say Jews so many times and they sound weird
every single time they say it. Yeah.
And she like, converted to Judaism.
Like I was thinking like, oh, I didn't know you can do that.
Yeah, I guess, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you.
Can you can and you can for marriage and stuff, But like the
way they not the, the, the converting, I don't think is
that strange because like, you know, there's just a religious
person, But like the way the girls talk about it where
they're just like, Oh, she he's Jewish.
Oh, it's so weird. It's like, what are you talking
about? Yeah, that's New York.
You live in New York, you know, so many.
And it's just like, it's such a, it's just like a part.
It's like saying someone's Italian and being really like,
whoa, they're Italian. It's like, yeah.
Yeah. That's here.
I guess if you were like really Nigerian and like really into
Nigerian culture, then you could sort of be like, people would be
like, I guess I don't know that many Nigerians.
Yeah, even in New York, it's like, you know.
It's not that. You know a lot of Nigerians.
Yeah, I guess if he's like Lao, right?
Yeah. Let's just start naming
ethnicities. That would be Finn.
It'd be crazy if he was Finnish. And it was like really into
being. Finnish, I guess.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because like cuz like her previous husband was into Scott
Scottish stuff, right? That was normal but like he
wasn't doing a normal amount, no?
And they would write this. Yeah, like everybody, I guess.
Yeah, everybody Charlotte dated like was very into their
religion. Yeah, yeah, that is true.
She's very proper. Yeah, I thought she was.
She was always my favorite. I feel like she wouldn't like me
though. No, I feel like she wouldn't
like me either. Yeah, well, I'm not very
improper. Well, but I feel like.
But I feel like that's why I'd be like I'd really want to date
her cuz I'd shock her all the time.
Oh, cuz she's proper. She's.
So proper? Do you meet people like that?
Are you proper? No.
OK. Are you from a place?
Where are you from? I'm.
From China. But where in China?
So China's each place the proper.
The proper is to part of China. It's like where Confucius is
from. So it's like.
It's famous for its. But where?
Where is that? It's called Shandong, OK, It's
on the coast, and it's famous for its people's obsession with
having a governmental stable job.
Oh, OK, OK, OK. And is that long standing or is
that recent? No, it's long standing.
Oh, that's so interesting because you know, government,
the government's changed quite a bit.
I know. Yeah.
OK, so like from like the even before the Chinese Communist
government, like before, like when there's like emperors,
yeah, that part of China, I think that was the.
Very center of the bureaucracy. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's so interesting. The center of the bureaucracy
just people are obsessed with. That oh, OK.
I think really. Yeah, interesting.
Is that your family? They were like everyone's works
in government. Everyone wants a government job.
Yeah. So I'm like, I, I got out of
that like, OK, I'm very much of A but.
The jobs are quite competitive, right?
I mean, I know that the like imperial China was very
competitive to get a bureaucratic job, but in modern
China is it is still I don't. Know I I haven't tried but I
don't know like I. Mean, what did your family say?
Like, oh, you have to do really well?
Or was it kind of like stable like the post office?
No, it's like you have to, well, you have to do very well to get
in. But once you get in and you can
basically like, like, it's very like not a lot of work or like
you can have like a like a job that that's like not a lot of,
well, there's gonna be a lot of welfare and like, you know,
housing and stuff like that, but.
You get housing from the job like.
Cheaper for housing? Interesting.
Yeah. OK.
And you have to be a party member.
Yeah, but pretty much everyone is a party member or.
Yeah or no to. Join the party itself is
actually kind of hard. To join the party, yeah.
Like to join the party in the beginning of your career is
well, most people who want to get into a party job or like a
governmental job, they would join the party in college and
like the student. Colleges were partying.
Exactly. The party during college?
Yeah. Party school.
That's what it means. Yeah, we have party school too.
We have party school too. Yeah, But no like the sooner
like some people who are like very like exceptionally great at
academics or any and like extracurricular activities they,
they get to join in the first year of college or like the
first beginning of college. So that's more like more pride.
Oh, OK, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, yeah. I mean that you.
Well, I can't say that, can I? No.
Well, don't say anything you can't say.
So yeah, because that's why I stopped.
Like, I was going to ask a couple questions, but I was
like, you know, you got your. Yeah, no, it's okay.
Okay, sorry, yeah, he turned up the cameras.
We're like, OK, now let's talk about the party.
But that's cool. So was that something you ever
thought about or were you like, I'm going to America?
Yeah. No, I'm I'm coming to America.
You were like the whole time. Yeah, really.
From like, maybe like 10. Oh.
OK, yeah, you were just, you were like, OK, I have to do
well. Yeah, like.
Get into. I mean, you want to Duke, That's
a good school. Well, I think I'm pretty lucky
because like, well, when I was very young, I was like already
like planning on like how to like deceive my parent to like,
no, tell them that I'm coming here temporarily, but I'm also,
but I'm. We are never gonna leave here.
Yeah, well, luckily immigration's super cool right
now. Fuck.
Yeah. That's not great.
Yeah. Cool.
What happened? What happened?
So you said I'm gonna be here temporarily and they were like,
fine. No, they're not fine.
Oh, they were like, we can't stop you.
Yeah. Oh, damn.
Yeah. That's cool.
I guess. I guess so.
Wait, I think I'm very lucky because the Duke.
Duke has a like a full campus in China And what?
Yes. Oh, OK.
Like NYU also has a full campus in China.
OK. So I first wanted to get into
NYU because I like New York and China, but that's like much
cheaper. Like the government pays for
like half of the tuition for Chinese students.
In the Chinese and the China campus, yes.
And for both campus? For like the China campus.
Damn wow that's actually awesome.
Yeah wait cuz NYU is so expensive.
It is. But if you get half of it
covered by the Chinese government, yes.
Damn, but you just have to. Look, cool government, I haven't
looked into it so don't quote me on that, but from what I've
heard Chinese Communist party really cool.
They yeah, they've got a lot of money.
They do not that much. Well, not as much as they could.
Yeah, Yeah. So they cover like the only the
Chinese students. So I don't know, you have to
convert to. I don't know.
Convert to Chinese. To get that to.
Get that? No, no, no, no.
I mean, I don't. Yeah, Yeah.
No, I'm. Also 28, so I'm not trying to go
to undergrad again. Yeah, I went to school.
I'm done. The California State government
subsidized my my education because I went to I went to AUC,
University of California one Nice.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, that's like University of
California. I went to Berkeley, which is
much better. What what I'm like so.
Which I'm very proud of. You should.
No, Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool.
I didn't really didn't really. SoCal's not from it's very hard
to get into from yeah, international students very hard
to get in for international from California.
They accept interest like 10%. So it's not like it's not the
same as getting it into like, you know, the our Chinese
international students are super brilliant and how to say
students are also very smart. The kids from California are
like, it's like you're excited. It's good.
It's a good school, but you should have gone to Harvard.
That's like my vibe. But I do the one thing I do like
about what I do, because I tutor kids and I like do like SITACT
prep is like it's nice. It's I like telling people,
yeah, I went to a school that I'm happy to tell people for.
But on the East Coast, if you I don't do it to a school where
I'm embarrassed to tell people where I went.
Like what if? You don't talk to Yale.
People like you don't even want to like Harvard or Yale.
They're like. Yeah, you're embarrassed.
I don't want to say cuz, you know, cuz the anyone says they
go to Harvard, you're like, Oh yeah, they're like, I'm
embarrassed. But like for me, I'm like, no,
I'm, I'm not embarrassed because like people went to school in at
Harvard. They're like, I went to school
in Boston, you know? Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like.
Connecticut. Yeah, Well, I feel like people
also say, like, you know, I went to school in Palo Alto.
I've. I've heard that, yeah.
Yeah, well, I do that now, too. I'm like, I went to school in
Berkeley. Yeah, but you know, there's only
one, right? Yeah.
Yeah, but yeah. So you wanted to go to, you
wanted to go to NYU or Duke? Yeah, but the campus in China,
but I mean, it's still expensive, but it's so much more
cheaper than here. Like coming to the States to do
that but NYU rejected me so I got to the Duke campus.
And then you just transferred over here.
No, I'd finished and then after I graduated, I came here.
I mean, there's also like weight exchange.
The Duke you went to was the one in China, Yes, but went to Duke
in China. Yes, but I came here like 2022
to go to North Carolina 1. So it's like not full year, full
four year in China you. Did three years in in China?
Yes. And then the last year you did
out here. Basically, I was going to come
here in my junior year, but there's COVID.
OK. Yeah, yeah, that was a big
disruption, I know. Yeah, I was.
How was Covic in, I mean you were in China during Covic?
I was. So that was 0 Covic.
How was that? Pretty intense, right?
Yeah, I've never got I've Yeah. You've never gotten it.
I've gotten it but like I got what?
You got to America. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, yeah. I mean, I heard zero.
COVID was like, you know, they were really, I mean, I know you,
you know, it wasn't actually as intense.
I mean, there were some pretty extreme examples, but I know
they were really, it was really pretty.
Yeah, it was very intense. You know, I mean, like the most
intense was when I was here. So I like the revolution,
everybody going on the street protest.
Yeah, that was like when I was here.
So I I didn't I get to witness that, but.
You know you weren't. Wait, what year did you get
here? 2022.
So 2020 you would have missed. 2020.
You were in 2020. You were in.
China, yes. Yes, yeah.
Yeah, but that's like like when COVID first happened, so.
Oh, sorry. OK, OK, OK, OK.
The sort of the the the push back against the lockdowns in
China, yeah, were in 2022. Yes, because it's already 2022,
nobody's doing lockdowns anymore.
Yes, that was. Crazy.
Yeah, Yeah. I mean, they really just wanted,
yeah, I think they were just too committed to this, like success
that they had. Yeah.
But you know. That's the thing about it.
Whatever. Anyways, Yeah, so one.
That's OK. It just have, you know, I mean,
there's it's like it's so much more motivated by just people's
internal like, yeah, rather than like these two.
I mean, it's not great over here, so I'll tell you that.
Still not. Yeah.
Things are kind of out of the frying pan into maybe a
different frying pan. Yeah.
Not the fire. OK, a different fire.
How do you feel about the comparisons?
If you had to get like, let's say you could be equally
successful and stand up in either places.
Considering the like situations and both economic and political,
is there one you would prefer to be in?
No, I don't know. I don't know if I could be.
I don't know if I could be as successful as let's say it
could. Be successful as a as a create
like because I know that because of that, like here's undeniable,
right? The stand up stand up is so much
more like the infrastructure, so much more built.
Out. No, but it's like you can't say
everything in stand up in China. So it's like, yeah, I don't know
if that's like, yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know how
secure your visa is, but you can't say everything here
anymore, right? That's true because I don't
know, They're probably going to cancel Trevor Noah's visa.
Oh, right. Yeah, Yeah.
So it's just like, you never know, I feel like.
But don't. But this time he's probably got
his friendship. Yeah.
Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah.
No, I saw that. Oh, that's so funny.
Like yesterday. Like at Grammys.
Do you see that? Yeah, I mean, I didn't watch
what he said, but I saw that Trump was mad about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, you actually
can't. I mean, I've never said this on
a podcast before, but you can't say anything these days.
I but no, there's a limit, I think if you aren't a citizen
and even if you are, I mean, who knows?
But yeah, that is fair. You definitely can say a lot
more out here. Although yeah, pre speech rights
are pretty robust. I was a little they're.
Pretty weak. I mean, they're at, they're at
the weakest point right now, but they're still extremely strong,
probably still strongest in the world.
The culture is. Very, I know.
Yeah. I feel like, oh, OK, I try not
to talk about topical contents because I usually post these
like very, like late but but I was like, so surprised by what
Trevor Noah was doing like at the Grammys last night because,
like, he's an immigrant and he he was talking about.
So basically he was saying, oh, Nicki Minaj isn't here tonight
because he's like, she's like talking about she's still at the
White House. And talking about.
With Donald Trump. And I'm like, that's like you
can say that on national TV, Like I'm like.
Oh, really? Yeah.
That's really nice. What a cool moment.
You know, America, I will say, is very, very, very like, I do
feel quite strongly like, and I do feel proud of this word.
Like the culture is very proud of free speech to like, Yeah, I
mean it, it really doesn't like censors.
The censorship does bother people.
And if you bring it out, if you like, can point out that it's
happening, people don't like it. Yeah.
So like even if people like, yeah, yeah.
Which I think is good, Yeah. I think overall I'm very proud.
Like, I'm actually probably a very proud free speech, yeah.
Which is like, you know, 'cause like, I mean, I'm not like, I'm
definitely not like, no one. Like I think, you know, if
someone's like that person's like.
Fascist. Don't book them on your comedy
show. I'm fine with that.
Yeah, but I definitely like the arresting and the government
retaliation stuff. I'm like super strong.
On Yeah, also like I feel like, but Trevor Noah saying it as an
immigrant makes it like, so like, oh, I'm an immigrant.
Can I say that too? Like, like now there's a
possibility of me like, practicing free speech because
I'm seeing someone doing it on the TV.
Yeah, yeah, that's exciting. So yeah, just start saying shit,
start spouting off. But you know.
Maybe before, maybe after I get citizenship.
Get citizenship for sure. Yeah, I want to go back to like
what we're talking about at the beginning so we can like wrap
up. We're talking about oh, don't
text. Don't.
Yeah.
Don't just ghost. Just ghost.
I don't want to hear that. You're so evolved and you're so
kind. And because you're so evolved
and you're so kind, you can't love me.
I don't want to hear that. I want to hear that I'm so
evolved and I'm so kind that now we're in love.
And if you if and you know, if you're you're trying to do to
ease your own guilt, I don't care.
Yeah, You're a bad person. Yeah, well, you're not a bad
person for not dating me. I mean, you're transphobic and
racist, but no. But it's like, fine.
But it's just like, just leave me alone.
I don't care. I've already forgotten.
OK, Well I haven't forgotten, but I've already processed this
right, that we're not going to be together and that's normal I
guess. So part of dating leave me
alone. I guess yeah, well, I I first
was a little against it, but now I get it.
Like I don't want to.
I don't want you to show up so mature and then decide that you
wouldn't want to date me. Like I I want to date a mature
person. Yes, and and.
I don't want to date an immature person exactly so.
Like ghosting me. You're being immature.
So I'm like, OK, yeah, yes. You're doing me a kindness by
maybe like, fuck that boy. He doesn't even he can't even
talk to me. He's such a loser.
Yeah, that's good. Yes, that's good.
That's healing for me. Exactly.
Right. So I can go to my friends and be
like, he didn't even text me back.
And then your friends would be like, you deserve better.
If he texts you back, you go to your friends and they're just
like wow you really missed out. You're right, you're right,
you're right. And like, if you can't text me.
So between texting because most people can't text within like 24
hours, them realizing that this is not for them.
So rather than like, between texting three days later and
just ghosting, maybe just ghosting.
Absolutely yes, Three days. You've missed your window,
you've ghosted. Yes, you've functionally
ghosted. You have 3.
Three days you've functionally ghosted.
You don't even get the benefit if you text 3 days after.
Hey, I'm not feeling it. You've just rejected me twice.
Yes, yes, I have had that. Sorry I touched you, I didn't
ask. This podcast is over.
I can't believe. No, no, no.
It's fine. It's fine.
No. If you do, Yeah.
No. I'm also sorry I'm in your bed.
I, I I. We're actually in lock and post
right now. No, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
just like gripped, but no, if you if you if you you yeah, I've
had that happen so many times where I've immediately processed
kind of forget get the text from the person.
I get kind of excited yes and then it's like I'm not into it.
It's like yes, brutal yeah Oh, wait.
Do you know that thing? I don't know if this might they
do this on it on on Apple on Androids yeah, they will send
you a reminder. That's like they'll if you send
a text and then you don't get a response, yeah, they will
literally like up jump it in your like sender notifications
will be like, hey, they haven't responded in three days.
Would you like to send a follow up?
And it's like, don't brutal fucking yeah, they haven't
responded in three days. No, I wouldn't like to send a
follow up because they don't love me.
Why are you doing this to me? It's wonderful for emails to
circle back, yes, but for fucking texts, yes.
I don't know. I don't they don't they the
reason they don't respond is because they're bad people.
Well, they're not bad, but they're, you know, they don't
recognize that I'm going to be a huge *.
Yes. So yeah, I agree.
No, I can't believe. I can't believe Android does
that. It is really brutal because
they're just like you just want to like hey, send so you haven't
responded in five days. Send a follow up.
No Android. I mean ghosted.
Yeah, I don't want to send a follow up.
Well, I do want to send a follow up, but you're not really
allowed to say the things I want to say.
I. I feel like Android should like
send the other person like something.
Yes, they should be like, wow, she seemed really sweet and
funny. Yeah.
And I don't know what you're doing.
You're fucking crazy. Yeah.
Yes, that's that's what they. Should do on that, yeah.
Yeah, instead of reminding me this, this person hasn't
responded. I can't believe that's so
brutal. I know.
I mean I get that from like Gmail but not like text.
They do that for your text, they do for G text or whatever the
app's called. I mean the app's called
Messages. Yeah.
Well, well, I guess we can end on that.
Do better Android. Do better Android.
Do better everyone who's ever dated me.
I know, me too. Yeah, everyone, you too, Yeah.
Everyone who's ever ghosted or rejected.
Well, ghosting is fine. They should reject you.
They should ghost. They shouldn't reject you.
I guess everyone should just love you forever and then you
get to be like. Yeah, I get.
To but if you text them again when you're bored, they should
respond yes, yes, those are people who that just lives their
lives. That's just how it is because
they're so desirable. Like, you know, Andy Taylor Joy,
you know that's just how she lives.
Who? Who?
Andy Taylor Joy, the one with the wide eyes.
No. What do you the one with the
wide eyes from Queen's Gambit? Oh, right.
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Horror. OK, Yeah, yeah, I know her with
big guys, yeah. But big.
They're big. And they're kind of like.
Yeah, and like, like brown hair and.
She's so beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she is.
You know she, just like her life, rocks.
Yeah, so respond to our text. Don't.
Oh, don't. OK, no like.
Oh respond to it cuz you're saying yes yes, but if you're
not saying yes. Only only that's not an option.
That's not an option. Yeah, No.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, now that I've transitioned, I can say that now
it's empowering instead of really scary.
OK. Well, yes, thank you so much.
All right, thanks. So fun.
Yeah.