1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,840 I, I say this all the time, but I'm like you, you see these 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:05,640 people that move through the world with such a joy and 3 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,000 expansion and you know, like you're like, wow, how is that 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:14,760 person so fucking happy? And the answer is if it's true, 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,320 right? There are some people that kind 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,800 of mask and pretend if you really pull back the layers, 7 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,680 they're not actually that happy. But if you are coming across 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:26,440 someone that is just genuinely like experiencing bliss in 9 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:31,360 euphoria, that means that they also have the capacity to 10 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,880 experience the complete opposite and they and you have to, you 11 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,760 can't reach the light without the darkness. 12 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,720 And I think Burning Man is a wonderful example of that. 13 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:44,080 Where Burning Man is tough as hell, the terrain, the 14 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,040 environment, getting there is hard. 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:50,160 It's expensive, there's dust storms and it's challenging. 16 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,920 It is the most challenging thing you can, maybe not the most, but 17 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,080 it is one of the most challenging things you can 18 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,800 endure. And the reward on the other side 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,600 of it, when you see that sun, when you stumble upon that set, 20 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,560 when you see that magical art piece and you're like, how the 21 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,400 literal fuck did they get a 747 in the middle of the desert? 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:15,040 Like what is going on? Like those moments are just, you 23 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,520 worked so hard for them that they're even more magical. 24 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,000 OK, now I'm like I have to. Go. 25 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,560 You got to go. You totally sold that on me. 26 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,240 Amanda, what's keeping you up tonight? 27 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,960 I feel like. People chase sex because it's 28 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:40,360 easy, but they avoid true intimacy because actually being 29 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,440 seen is fucking terrifying. Oh, that, that hits hard. 30 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,440 I'm a little. I feel like I'm a little. 31 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,080 It's personal. I feel a little bit. 32 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,600 Attacked. Good. 33 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,440 Good. So wait, what? 34 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,880 Tell me more, What? So what do you mean by true? 35 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,120 Intimacy. Well, I'll flip the question 36 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,120 back at you. What do you consider to be 37 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,080 intimacy? Well, I feel like physical 38 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:14,160 intimacy is a kind of intimacy, like sex is intimate, but but I 39 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,520 feel like, you know, the little things like, you know, like 40 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:21,360 holding hands and like, I don't know, eating the leftover food 41 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:25,280 the other person had leftover and you know, all these little 42 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,200 things. It's. 43 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,360 Do you feel like this is intimate right now? 44 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,160 Oh, it is. It is a stranger that I met on 45 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:36,200 the subway invites me to her apartment via DM and says hey I 46 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,400 have some pajamas for you and I want you to get into my bed and 47 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,440 shoot a podcast with me. Well, that that that sounds 48 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,960 sounds a little weird. I'm sorry that no, I love it. 49 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:51,240 No, I love it, but yeah, like I I feel like so my my story with 50 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,080 that I'll I'll backtrack a lot. No, I just. 51 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,600 Wouldn't we have to tell people how we actually met? 52 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,200 This is no fun. OK, OK, OK, OK. 53 00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,160 Yeah. No, wait. 54 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,040 I think you came up to me. Did you come up to me or did I 55 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:02,640 come? Up to you. 56 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,440 Do you need it on the subway? Yeah, we did. 57 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,400 OK, OK, OK. Yeah. 58 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,600 Halloween pre Halloween weekend. Let's set the stage. 59 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,320 Let's set the stage. It's 5:00 in the morning on the 60 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,920 subway. Everyone's dressed in costume. 61 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,840 Well, not, not exactly everyone. Us You're dressed in costume 62 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:26,120 with your friend, boyfriend, friend, partner, friend, male 63 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,960 friend. I don't know. 64 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,440 We'll talk after the pot. OK, so and. 65 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,480 You're with your girl and I. Was with my friend Anna and we 66 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,880 were on the subway at like 5:00 AM. 67 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:42,040 It was after the City of God's festival in New York City. 68 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,600 So fun, which was. Actually the best party I've 69 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,520 ever been to, honestly. You too like. 70 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,840 Literally, it was so much. Fun. 71 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,480 Was it your first time? It was my first time at City of 72 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:53,720 God. OK, me too. 73 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,600 But it was not my first burner party. 74 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:56,800 Was that your first burner party? 75 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,280 What do you mean burner party So. 76 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,960 That was a Burning Man party. Oh, I didn't know that was it. 77 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,640 I mean, I think I like, I didn't know that was like specifically 78 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,720 a Burning Man party. I know there's like Burning Man 79 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,120 stuff but I didn't know it was like. 80 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:12,080 Yeah, so, so there was like, I think it was 8 different Burning 81 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,200 Man camps that made-up the, the, the party landscape. 82 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,240 And it was, it was I, I did so much research on this afterwards 83 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,600 because I was just so blown away by the production of it. 84 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:28,800 But it was House of Yes, which is the venue in Brooklyn. 85 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,520 And then Zero Community, which was like another production 86 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,960 company and they collaborated. I'm pretty sure there was 8000 87 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,080 people there. Like it was, it was a massive 88 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,120 production. It was a big venue. 89 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,760 It was a big. Venue, but it literally was like 90 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,720 it felt felt like Burning Man in the middle of New York City, 91 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,080 which was like I left the next day just being like that was 92 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,680 I've been to I've been to Burning Man, I've been to music 93 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,240 festivals all around the world. I've been to so many different 94 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,840 events and that event literally blew my fucking mind. 95 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,280 I've that's, that's literally what I've been talking to my 96 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,560 friends about. Like, like now it's already, I 97 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,480 don't know, like end of November. 98 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,200 I'm still talking about November. 99 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,320 It's the mid November. It's, it's mid November. 100 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,320 Well, it's almost a month after that party, still talking about 101 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,480 it like with all my friends. Like what did you do for 102 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,120 Halloween? And not as fun as me. 103 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,640 Did you go to Vampire Ball the next weekend? 104 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:22,680 The same venue? Yeah. 105 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,440 How was it? City of Gods was better, but 106 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,200 Vampire Ball was at the same venue and it was like, that 107 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,360 venue was just so fucking cool. Like it's so. 108 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,200 Cool. No, this OK, I have I have a 109 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,280 story. So back to our story. 110 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,720 Yeah, you finished the story and then I'll tell you. 111 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,600 OK, so. Basically, so basically we're at 112 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,120 this epic party separately, didn't know each other. 113 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,560 We're we're on the train. My friend and I, we're on our 114 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,160 way home. I was staying at her house. 115 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,600 We were wearing these like bright ass fucking costumes. 116 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,120 My friend like handmade her entire costume. 117 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,200 She's wearing this bright yellow queen bee costume. 118 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,080 I'm wearing this pink costume with fairy wings. 119 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,240 And like it's it was to the point, like our costumes were so 120 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,200 ostentatious that people were stopping us on the streets and 121 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,320 like asking to take photos. Oh my God, like it. 122 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,160 Was one of those nights where it was just like crazy. 123 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,920 And so we're on the train, it's 5:00 AM, There's like a couple 124 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,600 of like normal people on the train. 125 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,680 Maybe people like try to go to work at the party the fucking 126 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,600 next day. I felt so bad. 127 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,880 People were like getting up at 5:00 AM to go to work. 128 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,600 It was very neat. It was like a very New York City 129 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,880 moment. And I were sitting there and I, 130 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,520 we look across and we see you and someone that you were with. 131 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,000 I don't know who it was. We'll leave that anonymous. 132 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,240 And you guys were dressed as clowns. 133 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:42,200 Yes. And I I think I asked if I could 134 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,560 take your photo because you guys looked so cool. 135 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,600 And then I took your photo. And then you were like, OK, Air 136 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,200 dropped that to me. Air dropped it. 137 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,440 Did not exchange phone numbers. We had this, like, just New York 138 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,160 moment on the subway. Like, saw each other. 139 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,120 We're like, you're in costume. Were you at the same party as 140 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:58,680 us? Yeah. 141 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,520 Cool. Like, it was such a brief 142 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,600 moment. Cut to a week later. 143 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,680 Well, after that party, I, I do content creation as a part of 144 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,840 like the work that I do. And so I created a recap reel 145 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:15,320 for City of Gods that the production company actually 146 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,800 reposted. So it got like pretty wide 147 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,520 range. It was like one of my most 148 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,920 viewed reels I've had. And I think the algorithm fed 149 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:30,080 you my reel and then I get Adm like a week later from you and 150 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,080 it's like, Hey, I'm that girl you met on the train. 151 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,880 And then we started shouting and I was like, yo, how did you find 152 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,400 me? Like what the heck? 153 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,680 Well, thanks to Mark, like Mark Zuckerberg, that's that's, yeah, 154 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,280 something good about social media. 155 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,760 We can like actually find each other and connect with each. 156 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,520 Other and now I'm in your bed, in your heart in a month later. 157 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,920 It's so wild. I did not expect that. 158 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,880 I was like, you know what's crazier? 159 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,400 I was like, this is crazier that I've already seen this girl like 160 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,440 on the Internet that I just met like randomly on the subway and 161 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,840 and you know what's crazy? I'm going to ask her to be on 162 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,040 my. Podcast, which, yeah. 163 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,400 And I was like, fuck yeah. I saw your podcast and I was 164 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,120 like, I have my own podcast as well, but I love the, you know, 165 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,640 I I have a lot of thoughts on like sex and intimacy and 166 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,200 girlhood and all these different things. 167 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,200 And that's not what my podcast is about. 168 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,240 I touch on it sometimes. But I was like, oh, an 169 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,360 opportunity to one get to like, this is an incredible set up. 170 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,560 Like you. Congratulations for a few months 171 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,280 in. Yeah, well, this is gonna blow 172 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:30,560 the fuck up. This is awesome. 173 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,640 I hope so. Thank you. 174 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,840 I think you're definitely bringing the right energy to the 175 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:35,679 podcast. Thank you. 176 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:41,159 Yeah, yeah, okay. There's so many details, sorry 177 00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:44,080 that we're like delaying on the actual like hot take that you 178 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,800 have, but. Like that's not real. 179 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,320 So, so I I say with my friends, I'm like what we do when we are, 180 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,000 cuz this is ADHD years, you guys will freaking understand is we 181 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,080 just keep opening up new tabs of the conversation. 182 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,840 So it's like tab 1, Tab 2 and then we can go back to the tabs. 183 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,160 So we have the opening tab, you have this tab, and then we go. 184 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,400 Yeah, we can. We can come back to the tab of 185 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:10,400 the like actual intimacy part. But yeah, it was like me and my 186 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,120 friend were were like kind of fucked up. 187 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,600 We're kind of like recovering from because we were not sober 188 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,320 at City of Goths. And like we saw you guys, which 189 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,760 you are so pretty. I love the costume. 190 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,600 I love the production of everything. 191 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,080 And there there's like 1 little detail that I like. 192 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,600 My friend wanted me to ask you like because I told him. 193 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:29,240 That Yeah. Tell me. 194 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,120 Let's go. So there's like at one point 195 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,920 there's like 2 Italian guys who were like tourists that came up. 196 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,600 Oh my God I forgot about this like I'm on the. 197 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:44,080 Train and they just to the the 2-2 of you, like they were just 198 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,080 sitting by you by the two of you girls, and they were like try to 199 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,560 riz you up and I was like, oh, it's cool. 200 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,200 This is kind of cool. I don't know, like what are they 201 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,480 actually gonna do? But then you didn't end up going 202 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,320 home with them or EW. No, absolutely never. 203 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,920 No, these dudes, you know, what had happened was now I forgot 204 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,240 about this. They saw us from it because I 205 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,600 said like our costumes were so like, like all night, people 206 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,200 were stopping us and taking our photos. 207 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,760 Like, so we, we had like, we'd become like little like local 208 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,480 celebrities at that point. We were, we were just used to 209 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,800 it. And so these guys saw us on the 210 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,880 train and they were like, Hey, can we take a picture with you? 211 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,040 And we were like, sure. So we thought they were going to 212 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,840 like come over and like take a selfie and then walk away. 213 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:33,080 And instead these men literally like in between US and don't get 214 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,960 up and my friend and I are looking at we're we were all so 215 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:36,920 completely. Sober. 216 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,080 OK, you're not fucked up at all. So we were sitting there and 217 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,080 we're just like, this is so awkward. 218 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,080 Like I was gonna, I was gonna like, do they need help? 219 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,320 Do I need to like? Do we need to like? 220 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,080 Well, then they were trying to and then they were like they 221 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,360 were trying to invite us back to their hotel and I was like, no, 222 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,720 thank you. Like have a good night at 5A. 223 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,080 They're like, where are you guys going next? 224 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,240 We're like to bed. They're like, oh, you want to 225 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,920 come with us? We're like, no. 226 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,040 Like why are they out in the middle of the what mean 5:00 AM 227 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,040 in the morning like. I think they were like on 228 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,920 holiday. I think they were little like 229 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,400 little Taurus boys. Like I'm sorry, like that's not 230 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,560 no thank you. Like it's not for me. 231 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,440 OK, now we have the answer. That's like my answer my friend. 232 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,760 That's funny because I actually forgot that happened and my 233 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,280 friend and I were just like what? 234 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,200 Like this is so awkward. Like get up. 235 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,080 Like don't like worry. Like what are you doing? 236 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,600 I kind of forget. Were they cute? 237 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,120 I don't remember how they looked. 238 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,480 I feel like they were little. Like I don't know, I'm older 239 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,160 than everyone thinks I am. Like I feel like they were a 240 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,280 little. OK, OK. 241 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,280 Like age wise, not like height wise. 242 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,680 No, like age wise, I feel like they were young little boys. 243 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,200 Yeah, like try to, you know? I kind of got that vibe, but. 244 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,200 It was funny. I like grown up men. 245 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,480 Sorry. Yeah, me too. 246 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,600 Well, we'll talk more, but it was funny. 247 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,040 It'll be funny if like. They see that. 248 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:57,280 Yes, a month later they're like. You're like the pink it was I 249 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,520 was wearing pink, she was wearing yellow and there was 2 250 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,040 clowns on the train. So if you are those foreign boys 251 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:06,120 and you happen to see this clip, I'm so sorry, but like you, you 252 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,480 shot your shot and like, I appreciate that, but. 253 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,320 Yeah, I hope you enjoyed your the rest of the stay in New 254 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,760 York. I think they were leaving the 255 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:14,360 next. Morning. 256 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,480 Oh shit. OK, maybe that's why they're 257 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,960 like trying. Like they were like we have 258 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:18,640 nothing to. Lose. 259 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:22,560 Yeah, OK, well, definitely. Well, I, I thought it was like, 260 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:27,160 because it was right like the weekend before Halloween, so 261 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,160 nobody dresses up other than the people who are going a city of 262 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,640 God. So I felt really like 263 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,080 self-conscious, like 'cause me and my friend, we both dressed 264 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,120 in like full face paint clowns. You guys looked awesome. 265 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,640 Thank you so much. It was we put too much effort 266 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,880 into this. Like no it was, but that party 267 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,520 was like the fucking Met Gala of Halloween. 268 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,280 Everyone had such amazing costumes. 269 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,600 It was so cool. I saw so many people that I know 270 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,200 that I didn't know they're actually cool. 271 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,240 So it's like, if I see you at the party, at that party 272 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,200 specifically, I know that you're cool like. 273 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,240 Did you watch Gossip Girl when you were younger? 274 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:05,680 I watched a little bit. It just felt like it was just, I 275 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:10,600 feel like younger version of me would have been like, you're so 276 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,040 cool. Like it was one of those parties 277 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,160 where it was just like this is your life. 278 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,680 This is so fucking cool. Like what the fuck? 279 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,640 I mean, even if I'm not the younger version of you, I would 280 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,040 still think you're cool. Well, I mean like, but I mean 281 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:27,280 like if I had, if like younger me met me now and I was like, 282 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,960 yeah, like I go to these parties, I do this, I do that. 283 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,320 I would just be like, whoa, you did it. 284 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:37,120 Yeah, I did. It saw like, like, I think it's 285 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,640 Broski, what's her name? Like another Internet celebrity 286 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:44,040 she was talking about. She has a theory that everybody 287 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,760 is still the 16 year old version of them, that it just like still 288 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,320 has a little bit in them. It's like, you're so proud. 289 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,640 Yeah. Yeah, just. 290 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,880 Like what you're saying and like the only people that you really 291 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,480 want to impress from my perspective is like 8 year old 292 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,680 me and 80 year old me and nobody else matters. 293 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,560 Truly. I'm like if 8 year old me met me 294 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,120 now and thought I was cool, I fucking won. 295 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,480 If 80 year old me saw what I was doing now and was like yeah 296 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,280 girl. Yeah, why not? 297 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,880 Okay, I wanna know more about why you're cool. 298 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,560 Like you have to now. 8 year old and 80 year old, you think 299 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,040 you're cool? I need to like I'm the next 300 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,240 person you need to convince. Okay, please. 301 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,880 What do you wanna know? I'm an open book. 302 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:27,160 Let's go. Okay, Oh my God, just tell me 303 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,960 more about you. It's literally we just met on 304 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,000 the subway. Like this is the second time we 305 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,080 are meeting. So I don't know, just. 306 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,520 Met on the subway. So my name is Amanda. 307 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:35,960 Hi. Nice. 308 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:36,880 To meet you. Hi. 309 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,080 Yeah. Welcome to your bed. 310 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:44,720 So my elevator pitch, I guess I could give you like a little bit 311 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,040 about OK, so. Professional this is This is a 312 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,480 comedy podcast. But it's OK, we love some 313 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:54,040 professional. Well, listen, it's it's so I'm a 314 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,400 professional intentional party girl. 315 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,880 This is my new intentional. Party. 316 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,720 Professional, intentional party girl. 317 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:06,080 So I, I'm trying to figure out like Fast forward, like Long 318 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,560 story short, I, I worked in entertainment for 10 years. 319 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,600 I started in New York, I moved to Lai was in LA for six years. 320 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,440 I worked in talent representation and casting. 321 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,440 I worked in Hollywood. I worked with some really big 322 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,560 actors and was running a production company for an actor 323 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,360 that's. So cool, I'm already convinced. 324 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,480 And then I started doing like deep personal development work. 325 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,320 We talked about this a little bit because I just came from a 326 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,680 massive ceremony last night. Oh, right, right. 327 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,880 Yeah. And so I started doing deep 328 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,280 personal development work in my early 20s and simultaneously 329 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,280 started going to like big music festivals like Burning Man and 330 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:50,040 things like that. And then, May of 2023, I quit my 331 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:54,400 job, packed up my apartment, put everything in storage, and began 332 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,240 my adventures as a nomad to figure out like what my next 333 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,640 chapter was going to be. That's amazing. 334 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,480 Yeah. OK. 335 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,240 What is deep? What is a deep personal 336 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,440 development? What is that? 337 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,360 A deep personal development journey. 338 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,240 Yeah. Yeah. 339 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,160 So I just started working on myself. 340 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,360 You know, I, I recognize that there was a lot of unhealthy 341 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,560 patterns and relationship loops that I was finding myself in. 342 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:22,040 And in my early 20s, I was like, my things aren't going the way 343 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,240 that I want it to be going, going. 344 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,480 And I'm not feeling connected to people in the way that I want to 345 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,520 be connected to them. And so I was like, well, the 346 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,160 common denominator in all of the things that are happening in my 347 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,200 life is myself. And So what can I do to make 348 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,280 that better? And so I started talk therapy. 349 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,800 And then that led to eventually I started like somatic 350 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,480 embodiment work. So I started going to this thing 351 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,960 called ecstatic dance. OK, you're throwing me, throwing 352 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:51,800 at me. These words. 353 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:56,080 I OK. So somatic somatic is like, it's 354 00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:00,000 like somatic embodiment work is like being able to move through 355 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,000 your emotions. So dance is a really powerful 356 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,920 somatic practice where sometimes you know, cognitive behavioral 357 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,319 talk therapy is like is like in your head, right? 358 00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:14,319 So you can have conversations and you can talk to a therapist 359 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:20,319 about what you're going through. Somatic experiencing is you can 360 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,079 you hold trauma in your body, right? 361 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,680 Like your body is so, so, so intelligent. 362 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,640 And so sometimes you don't need or you don't have the correct 363 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,320 words to be able to process what you're going through. 364 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,240 And so like animals, like if you read books on trauma and they 365 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,520 talk about like, animals shake to get like energy out of their 366 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,600 bodies. And so humans do the same thing 367 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,520 with movement. And so that's why, like walking, 368 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,720 running, dancing, like yoga, people really find these 369 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:51,800 practices so helpful because you're able to actually process 370 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,560 and like move energy through your body so that it doesn't get 371 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,680 stagnant and stuff. Oh, I didn't. 372 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,920 I this is actually the first time I'm hearing this. 373 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,560 This is fascinating. I feel like I need to move more. 374 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,760 Maybe that's why. Yeah, that's like it's magic. 375 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,360 Sounds like it's going to be good for my mental health and 376 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:11,560 everything. 100 like literally, that's why it's like dancing. 377 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,120 Like go out and dance, that is. That's why we go to parties. 378 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,480 So why we go to parties? Yeah. 379 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,920 And then and then through that, I started working with plant 380 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,760 medicines. So I started going on a deep 381 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,320 dive into my psyche through psychedelics and. 382 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,760 Different. Types of plant medicines. 383 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,840 And then, yeah. And then since the Nomad journey 384 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,600 began, I started my own business. 385 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,680 I have a company called Amanda Fest. 386 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,760 Amanda Fest, is that also your podcast? 387 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:42,480 So Amanda Fest is a play on manifestation and festival, and 388 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,280 my name it is. I have a podcast, I do content 389 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,960 creation. I do workshops at music 390 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,600 festivals where I help people. I do a thing. 391 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,000 You'd like this a lot actually. So I do a thing called a pregame 392 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,320 meditation at festivals. Meditation. 393 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,440 OK, what is it so? I go to music festivals and 394 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:07,080 events and parties and I teach people how to drop into their 395 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,480 bodies, connect to themselves so that they can come back to a 396 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,680 place of safety. So the idea of it is get out of 397 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,080 your head, into your bodies, clear on your intentions and 398 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,400 ready to party. Oh, I love that. 399 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,280 How do you is it? It's just like a, is it like a 400 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,560 guided meditation? Yeah, basically. 401 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,160 With like house music, like it's fun. 402 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,880 So if you're not someone that likes to meditate, it's like you 403 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,000 come and it's high energy. It's fun. 404 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,560 It's like we take some breaths together. 405 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,640 We kind of feel into our bodies. I guide people through, like 406 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,360 setting some intentions and then it allows you to go into the 407 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,280 party experience just like, because think about it, when, 408 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:50,600 when you go out, like societally, we are conditioned 409 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:56,760 to reach, reach for things. You reach for substances, you 410 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,840 reach for alcohol. You get to a party, what's the 411 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,520 first thing you want to do? You go, I don't know what to do 412 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,680 with my hands. I don't know what to do. 413 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,400 I'm gonna go to the bar. You're like, yeah, it's like 414 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,240 that feeling of like, or before you go out, you're like, I feel 415 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,520 anxious. I want to take some shots like 416 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,840 so it's how can you get to a place where you don't have that 417 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,520 anxiety? If you want to drink, fine. 418 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,520 If you want to participate in substances, fine. 419 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,400 I'm not anti any of those things. 420 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,200 I am pro intentionality around all of these things. 421 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,600 And with intentionality comes like connection to self. 422 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,280 So am I doing it because I don't feel safe? 423 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,880 Because I feel uncomfortable, Because I feel awkward, because 424 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,440 I need to loosen up, Because I can't? 425 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,960 And now we're going to loop all the way back to the into. 426 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,760 The scene, OK, I love that. Because if you don't feel safe 427 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,640 within yourself, like, how can you really feel safe to connect 428 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,040 with someone else? Right. 429 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,720 Yeah, right. OK. 430 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,880 I'm like, I see the wheels turning in your head. 431 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,240 Wow, am I am I? I thought, I always thought I 432 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,720 was ready to connect with other people, to be intimate with 433 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,440 other people, but now I have doubts. 434 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,160 I don't know if I'm now that I'm now I'm feeling like I need to 435 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,000 go go to one of your workshops to actually like feel connected 436 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,760 with myself. So what do you, what's your best 437 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,640 advice for you? Just said I would like the the 438 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,440 meditation part. Why do you think I would like 439 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,080 it? Well, I think you would find it 440 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,880 interesting like, because as we've been talking about this, 441 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:24,640 it feels like that, you know, there is, I'm gonna project a 442 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,800 little bit, but I'm getting the sense from you that there is 443 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:32,320 like a curiosity and an interest in some like in, you know, all 444 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,080 of these different words. I remember the first time I 445 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,360 heard them, I was like, what is this world like? 446 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,680 I don't know anything about this. 447 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,280 What is embodiment? What is somatic movement? 448 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,080 What is personal development? Like, I don't know. 449 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,960 And you know, the first thing is curiosity. 450 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,440 Yeah, I'm curious. I feel like I I literally just 451 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:54,640 started partying and you know, this June, so I'm like all very, 452 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,560 I'm very new, but I'm so curious. 453 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,920 I'm so interested. I'm also very interested in 454 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,360 Burning Man. I've never been to Burning Man 455 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,720 and I just learned that you have been like 3 times. 456 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,800 Which camp were you with? So my first two years I was with 457 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,920 a camp called Celestial Bodies and then my last year there I 458 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,920 was with a camp called Naked Heart. 459 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,000 OK, I know a little bit of Burning Man. 460 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,120 I don't know too much. What would you say? 461 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,200 How do you how would you describe the experience of 462 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,200 Burning Man? People always tell me that like 463 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,880 I wish it's my first time going to Burning Man again. 464 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:37,520 Like Burning Man is one of the most expansive experiences 465 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,320 possible. I say you could travel and I 466 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,320 have, you could travel all around the world. 467 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,560 You could experience, you know, everything the world has to 468 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,360 offer. Going to Burning Man is like 469 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:50,240 traveling to another planet. So the it's not a music 470 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:57,160 festival. It is an alternative way of 471 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,640 life. It's almost like an experiment. 472 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,320 So it's based off of these 10 principles. 473 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:07,600 And the concept is what if society ran like this instead of 474 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:13,880 the way that our society runs? And so it's 80,000 people in the 475 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,480 middle of the desert. They quite literally create a, a 476 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,120 town. Like, I mean, it's, it's a whole 477 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:26,040 world and it is art, it's music, it's community, it's, it's just 478 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,640 some of the most brilliant minds you've ever met in your life. 479 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,960 And it's just, it is one of those experiences that it's like 480 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,400 opening up Pandora's boxing. You can't go back. 481 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,320 Is it like in? The best way? 482 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,680 At the best way, is it like the first time? 483 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,800 Can I, can I compare that to the first time taking psychedelics? 484 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:46,960 Absolutely. OK. 485 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,200 Yes, 100%. I. 486 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,800 You go down the rabbit hole and there's no coming back. 487 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,120 I have one, I have one concern about burning. 488 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,240 Like everything else sounds so fascinating. 489 00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:01,440 I'm so ready for anything. But like the camping part, like 490 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,480 I'm because I, I don't like camping. 491 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,440 I don't like, I don't know, like sleeping in the woods and I 492 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,040 don't know how you know, it's, it's just a little scary to me. 493 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,520 So how like how barbaric I need to be? 494 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,160 Yeah, Yeah, Well, one of one of well, it's a high barrier to 495 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,440 entry, right? It's a high risk, high reward. 496 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,960 It's Burning Man is one of the most expansive, liberating, 497 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:30,000 beautiful things that exist on this planet, and it is one of 498 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,520 the toughest, most challenging, most confronting environments 499 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,280 humanly possible. It is not for the faint of 500 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:41,040 heart. It is difficult and you have to 501 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,200 be willing to face that difficulty, but it's also a 502 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,520 mirror to life, right? Like in order to I, I say this 503 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,640 all the time, but I'm like you, you see these people that move 504 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,280 through the world with such a joy and expansion and you know, 505 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,440 like you're like, wow, how is that person so fucking happy? 506 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,720 And the answer is if it's true, right? 507 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,480 There are some people that kind of mask and pretend and if you 508 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,840 really pull back the layers, they're not actually that happy. 509 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,200 But if you are coming across someone that is just genuinely 510 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,400 like experiencing bliss in euphoria, that means that they 511 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:20,240 also have the capacity to experience the complete 512 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,880 opposite. And they you have to, you can't 513 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,480 reach the light without the darkness. 514 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,440 And I think Burning Man is a wonderful example of that. 515 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,800 Where Burning Man is tough as hell, the terrain, the 516 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,760 environment, getting there is hard. 517 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,880 It's expensive, there's dust storms and it's challenging. 518 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,640 It is the most challenging thing you can, maybe not the most, but 519 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,800 it is one of the most challenging things you can 520 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,520 endure. And the reward on the other side 521 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,600 of it, when you see that sunrise, when you stumble upon 522 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,760 that set, when you see that magical art piece and you're 523 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,640 like, how the literal fuck did they get a 747 in the middle of 524 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,640 the desert? Like what is going on? 525 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:04,400 Like those moments are just, you worked so hard for them that 526 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,800 they're even more magical. OK, now I'm like, I have to go. 527 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,360 You got to go. You totally sold that on me. 528 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,840 I feel like Burning Man or whatever, like City of Goths 529 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,520 need to pay us for this podcast. We're like. 100% yeah. 530 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,040 It's so good. Yeah, but they're actually good. 531 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,920 Like we're not getting paid. That's how they, that's, that's 532 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,720 why, that's how you know it's actually good because. 100%, 533 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,680 yeah, yeah. OK, I want to open the other tab 534 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,080 about intimacy. We got it. 535 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:39,760 OK, Could you repeat your your? OK, So what was it? 536 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:46,080 It was that people are more inclined to wanna have sex than 537 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:51,640 to actually experience intimacy. Because really, being seen is 538 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,480 terrifying. Why does being intimate 539 00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:02,160 necessarily mean being seen? Well, I'll, I'll kind of come 540 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:11,000 back to where that theory came from for me is I used to use sex 541 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:16,880 as a way to experience intimacy because I was like, so craving 542 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:22,000 connection like this is like, you know, my early 20s, I was 543 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:26,840 just so desiring like physical touch and connection and to feel 544 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:31,520 closeness with someone. And at that time, I, the only 545 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,000 way that I could think to achieve that was I was like, all 546 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,240 right, well, if I have sex someone then like I can stay the 547 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,520 night and cuddle and like be close to them. 548 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,600 But it was kind of all a facade because first of all, there was 549 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,960 always like alcohol or drugs or something involved because it 550 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,800 was college and you know, like, that's just how it was. 551 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,120 That's what the hookup culture was at the time. 552 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,840 And it, and I realized like it wasn't actually connected. 553 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,360 It wasn't actually like, you know, there was no actual 554 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,280 intimacy there. Just because you're having sex 555 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,560 doesn't mean that you're connected with that person. 556 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,760 And through the personal development work that I did, 557 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,160 I'll like Fast forward through some of it. 558 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:17,120 But one of the discoveries that I had was, you know, that 559 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,120 through a series of incidents in my life, like I had become 560 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,400 disconnected and dissociated with myself. 561 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:28,920 And when I started doing this work, I came back online and 562 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,480 then I went back into dating. And like, you know, I would be 563 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:37,640 with someone and I would notice like they weren't looking at me 564 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,600 or they were like not present. And then I. 565 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,160 Had this you were having sex. Yeah, well, and then I had this 566 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,560 download where I realized, oh shit, I've never been present 567 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,960 during sex before. Oh, so it's it's. 568 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,960 You, it was me, I and then I started to notice it within 569 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,280 other people and I'm like, wow, like. 570 00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,600 What do you mean not present when you're having sex? 571 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,160 How can you not be present when you're having sex? 572 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,800 Like you're thinking about, like, I don't know, like White 573 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,320 Lotus, I don't know. What do you what? 574 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,480 What do you? Mean by like just not like not 575 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,960 actually like, like being with the person that's there, right 576 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,280 like kind of just going through the motions and like not really 577 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,920 making eye contact and like, you know, some people are like, oh, 578 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,200 I feel so awkward making eye contact during sex. 579 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,280 Like I feel so uncomfortable. And it's like because like when 580 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,040 you're looking into someone's eyes, that is one of the most 581 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,480 vulnerable things humanly possible and people avoid it, 582 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,680 right? Like there's, there's a practice 583 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,320 in in certain in like like some of the personal development 584 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,000 circles that I do called eye gazing. 585 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,840 Have you heard of this? Maybe. 586 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,720 So it's literally a practice where you and another person, it 587 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,800 could be something you just met. You sit like, you know, like, 588 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,200 yeah, but like, you sit. Well, we can't do it now with 589 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,200 the cameras. Like you basically like sit 590 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:58,040 like, you know, straight on and no words, no speaking, nothing 591 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,880 and just eye contact and just like look into each other's 592 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,200 eyes, don't say anything. And you'd be so surprised how 593 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,200 like vulnerable it feels. And sometimes like people like 594 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,720 within a minute will start crying. 595 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,200 Really. Yeah, yeah. 596 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,320 So even like stranger staring at each other like. 597 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:16,640 Eye gazing. Think about it. 598 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,560 Think about how how long have you just sat there and just 599 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,000 looked into someone's eyes? Not giggling, not laughing, not 600 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,680 saying anything, just just calmly. 601 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,880 And then when you look into someone's eyes, it's like you 602 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:34,160 can't hide. Like everyone has pain, everyone 603 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:38,800 has trauma, everyone has stories and experiences and when, and 604 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:46,360 like, it's like I, I like I was in a workshop once and they, we 605 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,880 did an exercise where they were like, what is we had to answer 606 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,240 the question like what is your biggest fear and what is your 607 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,160 biggest desire? And I like really thought about 608 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,240 it. And I was like, fuck, my 609 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:05,800 biggest, well, my, my biggest desire is to be seen is to like 610 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:11,360 be connected. And my biggest fear was to be 611 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,000 seen. Really. 612 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,720 And I was like fuck. That's contradictory. 613 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,760 What do you mean your biggest fear is to? 614 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:20,640 Like, well, this was, this was years ago. 615 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,240 I've done a lot of work since then. 616 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,640 But in that moment I recognized like that's what it was. 617 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,960 And I was like, shit. Wow. 618 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:32,320 It feels like to me if from what you just described to me and 619 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,080 like, whether it's your personal experience or your things that 620 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,640 you know about in this community or these kind of practices, 621 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,520 feels to me that you're very connected with yourself. 622 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,000 Like you're very in line with what you you're like, you know, 623 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,200 your inner self that kind of reminds me of like this. 624 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,120 I don't know, this one time I did like a hypnosis. 625 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:57,560 Yeah, I have. OK, I'll tell my story in EU. 626 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:58,840 No, no, no. I want to hear yours. 627 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,040 Let's go. Let's go. 628 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:05,040 Give it to me. This was, I'm still kind of, you 629 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:10,160 know, paranoid, like skeptical about it 'cause I feel like it 630 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:15,280 was me, like the person actually came here I think. 631 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,840 And she did like a hypnosis on me. 632 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,560 And I was like, it was like 4 hours in total. 633 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,160 And I think we were first talking and she was like, what 634 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,160 do you want to know? Like what's your questions to 635 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,680 your inner self? And then when you're hypnotized, 636 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,200 I can ask on your behalf to your inner self about these 637 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,960 questions. And I'm like, I don't know. 638 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,480 I feel like the whole time I'm like trying to be, I want to 639 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,800 believe in this and I want to have this to be to work. 640 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,000 So I give her a bunch of questions and then I was 641 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,480 hypnotized. She was like asking me what I'm 642 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:57,360 seeing. And I think she first it was I 643 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:02,400 saw like, I don't know, she made me saw like 2 like of my past 644 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,600 lives. And I think one of them is like, 645 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,720 I was like a, like a, like a rich Chinese families like 646 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,440 Princess, like they're, they're like like a royal family's 647 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,240 daughter or something like that. And another one I'm like a 648 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:20,040 businessman in like the UK in like England. 649 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:20,320 That's. Cool. 650 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,360 I don't know. It was just so random and I feel 651 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:27,960 like part of me felt like it was in my head, like I just made 652 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,800 that up with my imagination. But she was like, it was 653 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,480 actually your past life. But anyway, like she was asking 654 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,920 me, oh, why do you want? And then after the past life, 655 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,640 she said, Oh, I'm you're, you're already in the zone. 656 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,680 You're already your inner self is speaking. 657 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,680 And she was asking me all these questions that I prepared for 658 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,960 myself. Like I don't remember the exact 659 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,960 questions, but it's more like, you know, like sometimes I don't 660 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,960 feel that I'm going to succeed. What am I going to do? 661 00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,760 And like, you know, insecurities and, and basically my inner self 662 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,720 was like, she's OK, she's fine. She's just thinking about it, 663 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,360 but she knows that it's going to be fine. 664 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:12,080 So and, and, and then I wake up, I still have memory of these, 665 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:18,400 like me saying these. It feels like I'm like acting as 666 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,920 my inner self when I'm hypnotized and answering those 667 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,159 questions. But she was like, this is such a 668 00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:26,960 successful session. I've never had like someone. 669 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,360 Yeah. But I don't. 670 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,080 Know is that your experience am I is that. 671 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:36,520 No, no, that's really cool. I mean, it's, it's interesting 672 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,040 that you use the word like, I don't know if I believe in it 673 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:45,000 because it's like I, I, I, I was skeptical of hypnosis as well at 674 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,159 the beginning because I was like, I'm not going to like, 675 00:34:47,159 --> 00:34:49,159 you're not going to like put me in a trance or whatever. 676 00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:53,480 But like, really all it is, is it's getting you to a place of 677 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:58,040 like such calm and like getting your nervous system to a place 678 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,920 where you're just kind of like in that realm of like in between 679 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:08,880 states that you're more like open and susceptible to being 680 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:13,640 able to peel back the layers of what's really there under the 681 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,440 surface. So what's your what was your 682 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,680 hypnotize? I did it a few years ago with a 683 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:23,800 friend of mine. I have a hard time with 684 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:29,520 visualization like my pineal gland is calcified which pineal 685 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:30,960 gland a lot already? So much. 686 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,400 Pineal gland is like your third eye. 687 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,840 It's like it's like the the part where you can like see visions, 688 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,400 like if you close your eyes and like can imagine an apple or 689 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,680 like you can see like I close my eyes and I see black. 690 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,720 Like I have a really, really hard time seeing does it? 691 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,800 Happen when you're like on psychedelics. 692 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:52,040 So it's hard. Last night was actually the 693 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:56,000 first time in a very long time that I had visuals with eyes 694 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:57,440 closed. Interesting. 695 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:01,880 But it took a lot of substance for that to happen. 696 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,760 Like, like, like the most I've ever done in my life. 697 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,960 Well, I'm glad it was worth it and you're OK. 698 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,880 Oh no, it was. Spectacular experience. 699 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,840 Like I'm a massive fan of psychedelics for personal 700 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:20,480 development. And like, I, I again, similar to 701 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,640 hypnosis when it comes to like something like psilocybin, for 702 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:29,400 instance, the, the magic within it is that it's ego dissolution. 703 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:33,800 So like your ego is the, the like the cognitive part of 704 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,800 yourself that tries to like, you know, protect yourself and put 705 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,000 things in boxes. And like when you, when you let 706 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,320 that go and you're able to just like peel back the layers and 707 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,720 just like come back to your true essence and your true self and 708 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,480 like, let go of all the stories of like, projections of what 709 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,080 people have put onto you. And you're just able to be like, 710 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:56,560 there's so much to discover there. 711 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:02,040 Yeah. So I'm like, we need like four 712 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:02,840 more hours. Yes. 713 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,080 Wait, this is. I can't believe we only have 714 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:07,840 like 10 minutes left. That's crazy. 715 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,800 I know. Time flies. 716 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,000 Whoa, OK, OK, I have a story. This reminds me, let's go. 717 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,240 This is a funny story. OK, I'm trying to bring back the 718 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,120 the comedy part of the podcast. OK, so one time I did it was 719 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,840 actually on Halloween. Alright, I did something that 720 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,280 I've always done, like it wasn't my first time doing it and but I 721 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,960 think I was, I had a empty stomach. 722 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:34,680 So it it just hit me very hard. I just had a bad trip, and that 723 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:39,600 day was also the day of like, you know, changing the clock. 724 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,080 So I was like, Oh my God, my mind is racing. 725 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,240 I'm closing my eyes and seeing all these visuals. 726 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:45,240 I'm like, what? When is it? 727 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,880 Am I gonna be OK? Am I dying? 728 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:47,720 What? Where am I? 729 00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:49,680 I can't feel my body. Go death, baby. 730 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:52,360 What is it called? Ego death. 731 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:53,600 Ego death? Yeah. 732 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:55,200 What does that mean? Tell me more. 733 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,440 Yeah. No, it's what it's what we were 734 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,640 just talking about. It's like where they like, it's 735 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,680 like this, this part of your like the stories that you 736 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,280 construct about yourself and all these things. 737 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:08,240 This morning we were doing an integration circle and the the 738 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,040 analogy of like fresh snow. So you know, like when have you 739 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,760 ever been skiing before? Or snowboarding or. 740 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:14,960 Anything like that? Something like that. 741 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:20,720 So, so like there's like trails and people have gone down and 742 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:23,280 like you can keep going down, but when there's a fresh, fresh 743 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:28,160 snow, you've unlimited options for which direction you can go. 744 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,000 And this is like the rewiring of the neural pathways. 745 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:36,520 So if you're stuck in a certain way of like I am this or I 746 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,800 believe this about myself or this is, this is how it is. 747 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,720 This is how it always has to be. When you participate in 748 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:48,320 substances like psychedelics, they have the ability to help 749 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,720 you change your fixed mindsets and open you up to new 750 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,720 possibilities in really cool ways. 751 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,120 That's called. Ego death, well, ego death is, 752 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:04,520 is like it's death of self or, or the self that you thought 753 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,600 were right. And, and it's a process that 754 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,600 like can happen again and again and again. 755 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,720 Like right now you're like, I identify as this, this, this and 756 00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:14,200 this. And it's like, you can go 757 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,360 through an experience. You're like, whoa, OK, that's 758 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,200 not true. OK, next layer, next layer, next 759 00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,720 layer, next layer, next layer. Is ego death is something good 760 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,440 or OK? OK, I'm. 761 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,120 Scary. It is terrifying. 762 00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:31,280 Terrifying. Because it's as human beings 763 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:37,280 like we are designed to like we we want to hold on to what we 764 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,600 believe is true. So when we are presented with 765 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:45,120 information that is opposed to our, like, inherent belief 766 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:50,840 system, that is scary, really scary 'cause you're like, fuck, 767 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,280 I always thought this, I always thought the world was this way. 768 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:58,560 And then you're like, wait, wait, yeah, that's not true. 769 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,920 And then some people want to reject that. 770 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,960 And that's where people get stuck in like loops and patterns 771 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,720 of not growing or there are people that are like cool. 772 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,400 I'm gonna accept the fact that what I once believed to be true 773 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:18,280 is not ultimate truth, and I'm open to new possibilities of 774 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,160 what can be. And then that's how you're able 775 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,920 to like expand. And that's where like the magic 776 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:28,200 happens in my personal. Yeah, no, I I am just literally 777 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,240 experiencing this. I fuck yeah yeah. 778 00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,080 This is so new to me, but I'm so excited. 779 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,000 Yeah. But anyway, I, I was like on a 780 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,880 bat trip, but it was like, it was so exciting. 781 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,960 I was just on a bat trip because I was overwhelmed. 782 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,680 It was so scary. And no, it was like, I was like 783 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,320 checking my, my watch. Like when is it? 784 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,880 When is it gonna end? I really need to like stand up 785 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:52,040 and do do stuff 'cause I'm at a party and I remember like I was 786 00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,880 like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stand up at 2:00 AM. 787 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,080 And then it's like, why is it like I keep? 788 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,280 Checking 2 again, yes. No, I turned back to one 'cause 789 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:03,400 it was like the daylight saving. Yeah. 790 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:05,080 I'm. Fucked. 791 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,160 Oh no, this trip is never going to end. 792 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:14,040 But I'm glad it did and it was a it was a fun experience and I 793 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,080 like my friend was like so worried. 794 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,600 But I I was a little worried then. 795 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,160 And now that I'm thinking about it was such AI. 796 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,760 It's like I'm having a third eye seeing, yeah, I don't know, 797 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,760 piano. Gland was opening Baby Girl. 798 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,560 I would just say like if you're ever in that experience again, 799 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,800 like you're asking for any like tips, the most simple tip that I 800 00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,800 could offer you anyone that's like having any sort of 801 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,800 experience, whether it's with psychedelics or it's like you're 802 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,520 at a party and you feel overwhelmed or any like any type 803 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:51,440 of like stress or anxiety breath come back to your breath 804 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,520 literally like we forget we hold our breath. 805 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,520 We hold like there's tension. If you can just like close your 806 00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:03,120 eyes for a second and just like, and like I always like to come 807 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:06,480 back to safety because I feel like when I feel anxious, it's 808 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,080 because I don't feel safe. Yes, right. 809 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:14,400 And so coming back to breath and reminding myself that I'm safe 810 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,920 And even like tactical things like touching, like, you know, 811 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,600 putting pressure on your body. I like, I feel like for me, it's 812 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,920 like here, like right here on my chest. 813 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:31,640 Like it literally fucking just brings me back and helps me to 814 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,320 center and feel calm and safe within my body. 815 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:38,320 And then it will allow you to feel like comfortable and then 816 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,440 that loops all the way right back to the intimacy. 817 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:46,720 If you can come back to that, then now if I feel good, I can 818 00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:49,120 like be here with you versus me being like. 819 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,560 Yes. I could just like be present 820 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,160 within my own body, feel really connected, feel really safe and 821 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,320 that will allow me to open up. It will allow me to connect 822 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,320 deeper with you. It will allow me to connect 823 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:05,160 deeper with the room, with the experience. 824 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:09,400 It'll allow me to be more present and like actually enjoy 825 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,360 where I'm at as opposed to like being in my head and like having 826 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,320 racing thoughts and like, Oh my God, like is someone thinking 827 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:19,200 of, am I acting weird? Do you think I'm like, what do I 828 00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:23,000 do with my hands? Yeah, wait, wait with the last 829 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:24,920 three minutes, I do want to because you mentioned this 830 00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,880 before and I it is something that I struggle with and I do 831 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:33,280 want some quick advice on this. OK, How do you be sober at a? 832 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,240 Party. Yes, this is it. 833 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,600 This is it. It's it's you can be sober at a 834 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,120 party. I feel awkward. 835 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,720 Right, but why do you feel awkward? 836 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,760 I don't know, I feel self-conscious, like I want to 837 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:52,120 be dancing, but I'm feeling, I'm feeling my body not like I feel 838 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,120 like I don't have the best dance moves. 839 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,680 I feel like I look awkward and I don't know. 840 00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:01,400 So this is I'm gonna, I'm gonna send you the pregame meditation 841 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,040 after anyone that listens to this podcast. 842 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,400 If you DM me, I can send it to you. 843 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,400 But this is this is the work that I do. 844 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,920 This is what I'm so. Fucking passionate about this is 845 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:12,840 what I'm asking. But this is it. 846 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,480 But yeah, but this is how you do it. 847 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,640 It's connecting to yourself. It's coming back to a place of 848 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:23,120 safety so that you can be more present, so that you can feel 849 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:27,160 comfortable in your own skin, Comfortable dancing, comfortable 850 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:30,720 connecting. So breath safety. 851 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:36,000 And that's the secret. I don't know. 852 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,200 I don't know if I can. I'm still now I'm thinking about 853 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,720 me at a party, just like sober, all by myself. 854 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,960 I still feel. Like it's work, it's practice, 855 00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:49,440 it's something that it's not going to happen overnight, but 856 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,960 it's something that you can learn how to do. 857 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:55,000 And if you follow me. Yes, link down below. 858 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:58,720 I will give you tips and tricks. This is literally what I'm, this 859 00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:01,960 is what I'm so passionate about and This is why I'm like an 860 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:06,360 intentional party girl because I want my like mission in life is 861 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:10,200 to help people learn how to come back to that place of safety 862 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,240 within themselves so that they can experience the joy and the 863 00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:17,120 play and the pleasure of life. And again, not that you like 864 00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:20,720 have to be sober forever, but knowing that you can do it 865 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:23,960 sober, knowing that you don't need the substances in order to 866 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,280 get to that place will unlock so much for you. 867 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,840 And then again, looping it all the way back to the question at 868 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,120 the beginning, it's feeling connected. 869 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:36,080 Feeling safe within yourself will then allow you to feel safe 870 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,960 enough to connect with other people, to connect with the 871 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,880 moment, to connect with your environment. 872 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:46,000 And it's it's work, but it is absolutely possible. 873 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:50,480 I well, I believe it's possible. How do I practice? 874 00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:56,320 Breath back to your breath. OK, let's let's end the podcast 875 00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,880 with with a little bit of breath work. 876 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,240 Could you, could you lead us? Absolutely. 877 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:05,800 OK, Beautiful. All right, so I invite you to 878 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:10,120 close down your eyes. I like to put a hand on my heart 879 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,960 and one of my belly just to connect to my body and just take 880 00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:21,800 a nice deep breath in through your nose and out through your 881 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:30,320 mouth. And as you're breathing in and 882 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:34,760 out, in through the nose and out through the mouth, I want you to 883 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:39,400 just notice what is alive in your body right now. 884 00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:47,880 Noticing any sensations, any places that you might be holding 885 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:52,960 tension or stress. Just noticing those places in 886 00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,080 your body. Not judging them, not trying to 887 00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,680 change them, just bringing awareness. 888 00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:07,520 And with your inhale, I want you to think of an intention. 889 00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:12,080 So something you want to be filled up with, you want more 890 00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,520 of. Maybe that's safety, maybe 891 00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,640 that's calm, maybe that's presence. 892 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,960 Whatever it is, imagine as you breathe in through your nose, 893 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:28,120 you're breathing that sensation in through your whole body, and 894 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,160 on the exhale, you're releasing anything that is not in 895 00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:35,200 alignment with that. So any anxiety, any stress, any 896 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,440 fears, you're literally exhaling that through the breath. 897 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:42,200 So just a few breaths with those thoughts in mind, inhale with 898 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:52,240 your intention and let it go. And two more, just like that, in 899 00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:57,960 through the nose and out through the mouth. 900 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:06,400 Last one in through the nose. And on the last one, feel free 901 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:11,000 to shake it out, make some noise, get into your body. 902 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,320 Welcome. Wow, how you feel? 903 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,200 I feel better. What? 904 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:17,640 So. Simple. 905 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:19,720 That's magical. Thank you. 906 00:48:19,720 --> 00:48:21,480 So. Much for your time, baby girl? 907 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,680 Yes. Yeah, we did it. 908 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,720 I feel so connected with you. Oh. 909 00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,440 Fun. Intimate. 910 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:36,000 Yes. Intimate Wow. 911 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:37,120 Great.