Yeah, you are tall. Yeah.
Can I say that? Yeah, yeah, it's OK for you to
say. It's not something just we can
say. You can say it.
How tall are you? I'm 6 feet.
We measured like a couple weeks ago, 'cause I was like, I, I
don't think that I'm 6 feet. Well, no, I didn't think I, I
was like, I think that I'm 510 1/2 was kind of where I was at.
And every time I used to tell guys that they would get so
weird about it. Like they would be like, no, no,
no, 'cause I'm, I'm like 5/8, so you must be like 6-4.
And I was like, I don't think so, buddy.
I really don't think so. But so we measured like a couple
weeks ago. Not that it like matters
anymore, but yeah I I'm 6 feet like.
Wow, OK, so whenever I go on a like a like a date with a guy, I
can I can bring you. So you're like the perfect.
I'll all show up and then we can stand next to each other and
then you can decide whether he is the height.
He says yes. It's my thought is and this is
not, this isn't a new take. If a guy says he's 58, he's
probably 5-6. If a guy says he's 6 feet tall,
he's 510. And if a guy says a height over
six, if a guy says he's 61, he's 6 feet and if he says he's 62,
he's probably 6-2. That's when you start.
That's like the measure of accuracy.
I would say once you hit 62, they stop lying.
That's and if they're lying, it's 'cause they genuinely don't
know, like they haven't thought about it.
That's my take. That's.
Actually very accurate and I feel like.
Hey, how are you? I'm good.
I'm supposed to ask the first question.
I'm sorry, my bad. It's OK.
OK. So Charlotte, yes, what's
keeping you up tonight? What's keeping me up is that not
everybody is meant to be polyamorous, and I think that's
OK. I think it's OK.
It's OK for people to not. Be it's OK for people to not be
polyamorous. That's kind of what's keeping me
up. Wait, I don't think it's OK.
You think everybody has to be Polly?
Wait, I think the norm should be Polly and some people can come
out as not Polly. I OK, I mean, fair, but I think
there are a lot of people who are like, I'm me and my partner
are like, have you ever seen those Tik Toks where it's
somebody being like, here's my routine for when my partner goes
on a date and it's like them just basically like trying to
calm themselves down from like having a panic attack in a
TikTok. And I'm like no.
What? What TikTok are you on?
But I feel like I saw one of those Tik Toks.
I feel like I see a lot of things that are like, here's how
like, they're like jealousy and some really normal emotion even
when you're Polly. And here's how I calm myself
down. And I'm like, yeah, I think that
being jealous is a normal emotion even when you're Polly.
But I also think that, like, if you're having a panic attack
every time your partner, like, goes on a date, then maybe you
just aren't Polly, right? Like, I just think that that's
OK. And I don't think it's like
unwoke for you to not be Polly. I think it's OK.
Like it's OK to be monogamous. It is.
I haven't, yeah. Yeah.
I had some like I didn't, I didn't need crisis earlier about
this too, because I was like, maybe I used to think that I was
Polly because I feel like I can like multiple people at the same
time for the same amount. But then and then recently I'm
realizing maybe it's because I don't like any of them.
You know what? And I think that's truly being
Polly is when you I really hate all of your bitch wives.
OK. And no, I think I think it's
like it's perfectly OK to be Polly.
And I think people are Polly. Obviously, like they exist,
they're real. But I also think, like, maybe if
you have to convince yourself to be Polly in like a very real
way, then maybe it's worth thinking about why you're trying
to make yourself be Polly. You know, that's a that's a
deeper question. Like I think some people like,
want to want their partner to see other people or like want.
Want to to be. They like want to want to be
Polly, OK, because it's like cooler or like people say it's
like decolonial. Like they're like, yeah, like
the chains of monogamy. Shake them off and you're free
and I'm I just think that I don't think it makes you Woker
to be. Polly, it doesn't.
No, I. Think it's like I've been doing
it. Wrong.
The whole time you were like, this is how I'm gonna do it.
That's how that's how I wanted to try and.
Move to New York Step 2. Be Polly.
No, this I woke. Yeah, this is a real
conversation that I had with someone that I was seeing.
I was like, I told them about like all these other people I'm
seeing and, and I'm like, I don't know if I like that
person. I don't know.
I don't like that person. And and they're like, maybe
you're not maybe you're not Polly.
It's OK, it'll. Be.
I mean, I also think maybe you just didn't like those people,
you know what I mean? No, but they're like, it's OK.
I know it's very hard for Gen. Z's to feel that you have to be
a monogamous. I think it just feels like kind
of like not like old school. What is the word like not what
is. I feel like to be monogamous.
I think sometimes Gen. Z is like, well, the cooler
thing to do is to be Polly. Yeah.
And I'm sort of like, well, is it cool if you're Polly and your
partner is like going on dates and having a good time and
you're like, I hate this and praying yourself to sleep every
night. I'm like, is that cool to you?
Because that's not doesn't sound cool to me.
Yeah. I don't know.
I, I, I definitely know.
I know a really good friend of mine.
There are a couple that's Polly and they definitely had like
they're much older than they had like years of therapy for going
into Poly. And I feel like it's like such
like an important or like a very hard thing to do.
Yeah, I feel like it's something that just requires a lot of
thought and care. And I think some people like,
obviously that's something that can work and people do it all
the time. A lot of celebrities are like,
we have an open marriage. Or wait, I don't know any
celebrities. I don't.
Have to watch like Dolly Parton wasn't Dolly Parton was like,
rest in peace to her husband, but she was like, yeah, he does
his thing, I do mine. And we're just married.
I think a lot of that's not uncommon, right?
For people to be like, yeah, we have like non monogamous, but
it's like we whatever, wait, which is I guess different from
being Poly, but like, I don't think it's it's like it
definitely can work. I think that some people who are
like, I just think that it, I don't think that it needs to be
like the central struggle of your relationship.
Like, I'm sort of like, if your partner is Polly and you're
really, you're trying to get on board with being Polly, That
just feels like a recipe for resentment.
Right. You know, right, Yeah.
If you're you can't be like a being Polly, it's OK Being
monogamy, being monogamous is OK, but trying to like one
person is monogamous and the other person is Polly, it's not
OK. I mean, it's just, I think that
you shouldn't, I expect your partner to change on that front.
Yeah. And I think you shouldn't try
and make yourself change on that front for your partner because I
feel like it would just be stressful.
But I don't. I mean, I don't know.
I've never been Polly. So maybe like these
conversations happen and it works out totally fine and
everybody's happy. And I'm sure that has happened.
Yeah, this is not a. It's just I'm like you.
You just don't. You don't have to be Polly.
Like I feel like also everybody is like I'm Polly.
Wait, if you have never been Polly, how seems like why do I
have such a strong. Opinion on it?
It's 'cause I think about it a lot.
I have, I've been, I have a girlfriend and we've been dating
for four years now. And like, thank you.
We had like talked not even like about becoming Polly.
Yeah, but like had just talked about the concept of being
Polly. And I was like, yeah, I guess it
like sounds fun in theory, but I don't know if I'd really like
it. And she was like, what about it
sounds fun in theory. And I was like, I guess just
kind of like having a group of friends, like kind of the main
thing. And I was like, yeah.
So I think actually I'm I'm just not Polly.
Why don't you just have a group of?
Friends, I do, I do now. I'm like, I think that I just
was like, like I think being Polly sounds fun when I think
about it in terms of like, what if me and all my friends lived
in a house together and we're all hung out.
But I'm like, I actually don't want to sleep with any of my
friends. Like I'm kind of not.
I'm not really interested in that piece of it.
OK, I'm. Sort of like I think that the
the part of being Polly that makes the most sense is just
having a group of people you hang out with.
Yeah, but you can also not. Fuck them.
Yeah, that's kind of what that's like.
What what is it called? Like queer platonic is what
people call it sometimes, which I that's just friends, but.
No, I heard, I heard a but I feel like, like, you know,
there's different type of types of Poly and people, some people
they just do their own thing. Some people like like, you know,
like if if you're living with your friends, then they have to
interact with each other too. And do they like?
And so anything, yeah, where it's like, I have this partner
and I have this partner and they don't really interact with each
other, but they know about each other.
Yeah, yeah. And I've also met people who
said, oh, we do each other's things, but we have our rule is
that we don't talk to like we don't tell anyone like we don't,
Oh my God, my English. We don't tell my partner.
Yeah, about the I think a lot of people do that where they're
like, yeah, you can hook up with other people, but I just don't
want to know about it. Yeah.
I don't know which one is like the better way like I.
Don't know if there's I mean like I think.
Transparency or no? I don't know.
I also like think that there's a level of transparency that
people think is like good in dating now in a way that I'm
like, bring back euphemisms for I don't want to date you
anymore. Like, I think it's just.
Wait, people have been saying that?
No, no. No, I just think people are
like. Too direct.
Not even. It's like sometimes I'm like, if
you had a bad date with someone and they're like, hey, like, had
a great time, see you around. You don't need to be like, yeah,
I had a great time too. Full transparency, You really
gave me the ick earlier when you were wolfing down that
spaghetti. So I think this isn't going to
work. Like you can just be like, yeah,
maybe and leave it. I don't think you need to be
that straight up about it. And I think a lot of people are
like, it's ethical to be Polly. Yeah, because I'm telling all my
partners, yeah, that I'm sleeping with other people.
And I'm also like, if I were in a situation where I casually
dating someone, I don't know that I would super wanna know if
they were like sleeping around. I'd be like, that's kind of your
business if we're not exclusive. Yeah, that's what I've been
thinking too. But about you're like being
transparent when you're like break up or in a situation ship,
I feel like I'm the victim of I'm the I'm the problem that you
were talking about. I feel like some people.
Want to know? But like I think that sometimes
people are like like after one date, I'm like you.
I don't think you really need like it's one thing if you've
been like in a situation ship for three months and you're
like, I just want to be honest, whatever.
But after one date, I'm like, you can just be like, I had a
good time and that's a lie. Like that's OK, I think.
Yeah, I just. Don't want you just don't want
unsolicited advice. But sometimes I, I do want to
tell them, like, if you like, I mean, yeah.
Do it What? Like what have you told them?
I don't I have no idea maybe like just something like the the
ick or I have the urge to tell them but I didn't tell them but
I feel like. What would what would you have
said if you could go back? If I could go back, maybe I'll
tell like my my ex to like, I don't know.
There's there are things that he should have done better for his
future girlfriends. I feel like that is that makes
sense to me. I feel like that's also
something I would want to know. I don't know if I were if the
shoe were on the other foot, I mean, maybe not if it's like a
really bad breakup, maybe I wouldn't.
But I also kind of feel like if they were like, Hey, you do this
one thing that like makes it really difficult.
I mean, I guess I would hope that would come up during the
relationship, right, Right. But.
Yeah, no. Then they're like, why don't you
tell me earlier so we don't have to break?
Up. I mean, yeah, that's the tricky
part, right? I guess if it's like a
personality thing that you can't change, then it's not, yeah.
I mean, I don't think it's useful if it's not something you
can change. Like if they're like, I just
don't like your voice or something.
I'm like, why did you tell me that?
I. Think you're ugly?
Yeah. I just, I just thought you were
kind of ugly, unfortunately. Like what am I gonna do with
that? Right, Right.
Yeah. I sometimes I do think that that
that's something that I don't think out loud, yeah.
I think that's OK. It's OK to think someone is
ugly. There's nothing wrong with being
ugly. It's just, it's just what it is.
Is there nothing wrong with being ugly?
Why do we have to get a surgery and go to a hospital?
Well, you don't have to. You can just be ugly, right?
Like, I mean, people do. You're there's societally we
place, we make it so that there's something bad about
being ugly, but you can just be ugly.
I know plenty of people do it all the time.
You can be ugly and happy. Yeah, I think that I wish I can
be ugly and happy, but now I feel like I, you know, I feel
like it's like internalized misogyny and it's like, I wish I
can. Like, you know, it's always a
constant. Like trying to look good.
Yeah, yeah. And not even look good, but it's
like, look better. Yeah.
It's like, if I'm taking so much time into how good I look, why
aren't everybody else? Why is everybody, why am I
seeing you? And you're like ugly and.
Yeah, I mean, there is something I feel like really upsetting
about putting a lot of effort into your appearance and going
out and seeing someone just be ugly.
I'm like, it's like the kind of thing where you're like, I could
just, I guess I could just not, not try, but like, yeah, it
feels like you have to. Yeah, you know, yeah.
Now on 1st dates I don't even like dress up anymore I feel
like. That's fine.
Yeah, that's my hot take. Don't dress up, Don't dress up.
No makeup, no hair on 1st dates. Really.
Yes. OK, wait, tell me more.
No, it's just like, I feel like I've heard a lot of stories
where like they go on first date and then like the other person
is fucked up and like it's like, but you spend like an hour.
Yeah, Yeah, I think that makes sense.
And it's like sometimes even the first date the person like
studio stood. You up?
Yes, Yeah. And it's like you already on
your way out after like 2 hours of.
Makeup and pay? Yeah, all dressed up and nowhere
to go. Right.
Yeah. So just don't bother for the
first date. If the person is like good
enough, maybe you'll do it for the second date.
So I guess that's, that's kind of good advice, right?
I really don't put too much. I also feel like people put a
lot of pressure on 1st dates which is like hard not to do but
not dressing up for it is kind of like this is my normal
whatever. Yeah, don't give it away all at
once. Yeah.
Always leave them wanting more, yeah.
Yes, I'm looking at you Vic. Oh my God, that's so funny.
I haven't really been on 1st dates.
What about? I guess you're not because
you've been together with. Your no.
OK, so this is actually my first relationship.
So I've really only been on 1st dates and then no, I mean we've
gone on dates in the four years. Sorry.
It's like, imagine I was like, yeah, we went out one time and
we were like, this is it? I guess.
I guess we're calling it here. We're we're making, yeah.
Yeah, I used to when I was back in my like straight days when I
was really trying very hard to be straight, I went on a lot of
first dates with men and that was shocking.
What was? How was it?
Just it's one of them. We talked about like conspiracy
theories the whole time. Oh my God.
And it was like right after Jeffrey Epstein died in prison.
Wow. And we talked about that for
like most of the date. And I was like, you know, I
don't know that this is actually.
And honestly, I may have brought it up so that maybe that's not
me. Maybe.
He was thinking, he was thinking about the same.
Thing, I guess I mean it like last, it was just like, it was a
surprisingly detailed like conversation about like like
conspiracy theories and. What kind of conspiracy?
Like I think I was like the conversation I think was not
going great. So I was like OK, if you could
ask the US government to reveal any 3 secrets or something like
that, wow, what would it? Be it's a fun game and.
Well, what would your people? I don't, I don't know.
I well, let's see the let's see the Epstein list 1st and then.
Yeah, I agree. Let's get that out.
Yeah. And then we'll talk about what
other secrets I remember for a long time, mine was the moon
landing because I was like, I don't think that the United
States faked the moon landing. Yeah.
I don't think. So I think it would be so funny
if they did. That's like because it just the
circumstances were such that they were incentivized to fake
it. I don't think they did.
But it would be so funny if it came out like all this time
later that they were like, yeah, we we faked that.
That was not fucking real. We did not go to the moon.
That's so funny because I've like, like I feel like growing
up going to the moon, seeing the yeah, the American flag are like
people on the moon. It's not.
It's just a I never thought people would question it, but.
Yeah. I mean, people would question
anything. Yeah, you can put anything out
there. That's true.
And and then third question would be, are birds actually
real? Yeah, probably.
Yeah #1 even, yeah, I don't know.
I'm like, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, there aren't
a ton of like I sort of, I'm at a place where I'm like, you know
what, Maybe it's better to not know.
That's true. Ignorance is a bliss.
Bliss. Yes.
Yeah. But yeah, that was, I think that
that wasn't the last first date that I went on before I met my
girlfriend, but it was one of them.
Wait, so I feel like it is a fun, It's a fun like ice
breaking game. Yeah, I mean it.
And now you know each other very deeply.
Yeah. And was that the last date like
No, I mean like was did you have a second date after that?
No, we did not have a second date, no.
Was it because of the conversation?
No, like the translation. I think I was like, well, I was,
I'm like a lesbian and I was on a date with a man and I was
like, something didn't feel right there.
And so we didn't have a second date.
Wait, I want to know more about how did you like realize that
you like girls? Yeah, I that's such a good
question. I like kissed one girl in high
school and then was like, I'm not ready to be, I'm not ready
to be queer. And then was like, OK, we're
gonna, I'm gonna not do anything about this for a long time.
And then like during college started like seeing men mostly
and like dating men. And then I went on a date.
Well, when I met my girlfriend, I was like, you're so
interesting to me in a way that I can't describe.
And then later I was like, oh, that's what having a crush feels
like. You're not supposed to like
manually select which man that you like, think is OK.
You kind of just like meet someone and you're like, wait,
what I like. Really before before you even
getting to know them. Yeah, I used to like manually
pick. Like have you seen sometimes the
I see Tik Toks that are like people being like, these are the
types of crushes you have when you're like a lesbian and in
middle school and it's like, you know, super hot John Cena and
shit like that where you're like, what?
I don't know. Wait, they say if you're a
lesbian and you you would have a crush on John Cena?
No, not always. But it's like, I think that when
you're a little gay girl, you're like picking boys arbitrarily to
have a crush on. Yeah, I see.
So I was like, I think I'm gonna have a crush on Eric.
And then I would just be like, I'm obsessed with Eric, and I
love Eric. And I was actually like, I did
not know that man at all. Like I was like, I don't know
you. I don't care about you.
Yeah. It was just like I wanted to
have a crush since I picked a guy.
It's funny. Like, but I like, didn't realize
that that wasn't what everybody else was doing.
Interesting, I did not now I have to do some like
introspection about like how now I'm thinking who are who are my
crushes. I definitely didn't like a lot
of the male. Like I feel like I had
definitely more like celebrity crush it not celebrity like the
celebrities I like are all women and I never like and you know,
people are obsessing over, I don't know, like all the
superhero superstars and or like the K pop idols, but I'm just
like, I don't feel. I don't yeah, they're just guys.
I don't they're just guys. Yeah, they're just they're guys,
but yeah. And they're like all the Divas
out there, putting their work, doing their dances and like.
That I think that male celebrities also can get away
with giving a lot less. Right, right.
In some cases, yeah, Like I think, yeah, you have to.
I mean, we were talking about you have to put in you like feel
a lot of pressure to put in a lot of maintenance as like a
woman to like really give, like give it all, I guess.
I don't know. No, it's like literally like I
remember the weekend concert was the same around the same time as
like a the Katy Perry concert and we went to see the at the
weekend and he didn't even change.
He's like the whole the one outfit for the whole show.
The whole show he's like in like a sweatpant with.
Sweatpants and like not even sweatpants.
It's like a Cape because he it's like there's not.
That's so. Funny, right?
And then, like, sometimes he disappears or take a break from
the stage. You would think that he comes
out with another outfit. Yeah, you.
Would think like maybe like chain shirt or like, I don't
know, like put on a hat. Right, the only like outfit
change was that he took the mask off.
I feel like it's like, I don't know.
There's also like I'm trying to think of a male artist who does
a lot of outfit changes. I don't know.
I don't know Harry Styles. Or does he, does he do outfit
changes or does he just does he just kind of like pull up?
Does. I don't know.
I don't. I've never watch him.
I don't. Me neither.
I've never. Seen him Vincent.
Boom. Yeah.
I mean, Benson Boone. Do we think Benson Boone?
Actually, we won't speculate. Well, we won't speculate.
I'm not. I'm not answering that.
Benson Boone is Benson Boone, and I, I hope that he has a
beautiful journey wherever it ends up, wherever it ends.
Right, I'm just thinking about his like high waisted pants.
All the time. I love high waisted pants.
Like I love wearing them. I when I look at him and they're
high waisted, I'm like, I would wear that right?
Yeah, yeah. And reminds me, maybe Elvis did
a lot of off food change cuz or Michael Jackson.
I was thinking about that, but I didn't want to sound stupid if
it was wrong. Like if people were like, no,
you idiot, like Michael Jackson only ever wore one outfit for.
I mean, I don't think people are going to do that, but yeah.
I don't know, I think he definitely had different outfits
for sure. Yeah, for sure.
Yeah. How do we get on this?
What are we talking about? We were talking about what was
your what was your Polly? Polly People and.
Wait, no, after that we were talking about dating men right
and having manually selecting your crushes exactly right.
Wait. Yeah.
OK so then I met my girlfriend who's non binary but we met can.
You say? Can I say girlfriend?
Yeah, yeah, we talked about it. We had like a talk about it.
OK, OK. Because I also am like, I don't
know that I would 100% be like I'm hashtag girl, hashtag lady,
hashtag woman boss or whatever. Yeah.
But I'm I don't when when I say partner, like it always just
feels like we work at a law firm.
I would rather just be her girlfriend.
The partner does. Yeah, sometimes.
My my my partner, my ex referred me to as a partner.
Yeah, I think it just, I don't like it.
I just don't like it. Yeah, it feels like we're in a
business. Project.
I know. I feel like we're both wearing
suits and shaking hands and the briefcase.
Okay wait what do you think about the partner Cuz I feel
like people have different opinions about partner other
than it feels business like people say.
So if you are a straight couple and you refer to each other as
partner, it's like you're protecting the non heterosexual
people from. Like having to disclose if you
like normalize it, Yeah. But then I think some people.
There's people also saying like if you say if you're a straight
couple and you're saying you're partners and it seems like
you're trying to be cool and like not disclose like trying to
be. Yeah, I think it started out
that people were like, it normalizes it that you don't
have to disclose like what gender your partner is.
And I think now it's more people are like, am I, am I queerer?
Am I not like you'll never know which I'm like, I guess that's
your right. But I think when I hear straight
couples being like my partner, I'm always like, OK, like,
that's fine. It's like it's your
relationship. You do what you want.
But I'm always a little bit like, all right, OK, maybe.
Thank you. Yeah, it feels like they just
don't love each other enough to. That's how the partners.
I don't know that I would say that, but I just am like, it's a
little, I get that like girlfriend boyfriend sounds a
little middle school, but like I am also like, well, I mean, you
can say, I mean, obviously the issue with girlfriend boyfriend
is that there's no like gender neutral term that.
Is all weird. All of the terms are like my
they friend and I'm like that's worse, that's worse, that's so
much worse. My they friend, my they friend,
my lover. I'm like, no, I we can just be.
You could be partners. The person I'm dating.
Right. The person.
Yeah, yeah. Or just name.
Yeah, this person we're dating like, yeah, I think.
But yeah, I what was I saying? Oh, when I met my girlfriend, I
was like, oh, you're so I keep forgetting what I was saying.
But when I met my girlfriend, I was like, why are you so
interesting? And then I was like, I later was
like, oh, it's because I have a crush on you.
And I was like, oh, And then I was thinking back to all of the
times that I'd felt like that before.
And I was like, OK, so those are all about like, none of those
were about men. Yeah.
And like, thinking back to what I thought was a crush before, I
was like, oh, IA lot of them. I was like, you know, what it
actually was is that I thought you would make a good writing
partner. Writing partner, that's what it
is. We also, yeah.
That's What Every Girl Wants is just a writing partner.
And I was like, honestly, most of it was like, this is somebody
who I could have really funny bits with, like.
That's the that's the men. You have the men that I was like
I, I am in love with you. It was actually like, I think
that we could have some really good banter.
Like we're, we're, we're gonna be very good scene partners.
We're gonna be incredible scene partners.
And I was like, that's how you build a life, Yeah.
It's just like cuz I. Was like what is life if not
like improv but like prolonged? Right, if you like, it's just
like how we sometimes love men because or or not we some some
people. Love not, not we.
We as in. We as in not me.
I know. I got it.
I. Yeah, for their like, like
purposes for that's not about love.
Maybe they're like, I don't know, they can reach the top
shelf or Yeah. Yeah, my girlfriend uses me to
really reach the top shelf. Yeah.
Yeah, you are tall. Yeah.
Can I say that? Yeah, yeah, it's OK for you to
say. It's not something just we can
say. You can say it.
How tall are you? I'm 6 feet.
We measured like a couple weeks ago cuz I was like, I, I don't
think that I'm 6 feet. Well, no, I didn't think I, I
was like, I think that I'm 510 1/2 was kind of where I was at.
And every time I used to tell guys that they would get so
weird about it. Like they would be like, no, no,
no, because I'm, I'm like 5/8, so you must be like 6-4.
And I was like, no, I don't think so, buddy.
I really don't think so. But so we measured like a couple
weeks ago. Not that it like matters
anymore, but yeah I I'm 6 feet like.
Wow, OK, so whenever I go on a like a like a date with a guy, I
can I can bring you. So you're like the perfect.
I'll all show up and then we can stand next to each other and
then you can decide whether he is the height.
He says yes. My thought is, and this is not,
this isn't a new take. If a guy says he's 58, he's
probably 5-6. If a guy says he's 6 feet tall,
he's 510. And if a guy says a height over
six. If a guy says he's 61, he's 6
feet. And if he says he's 62, he's
probably 62. That's when you start.
That's like the measure of accuracy.
I would say once you hit 62, they stop lying.
That's and if they're lying it's cuz they genuinely don't know
like they haven't thought about it.
That's my take. That's.
Actually very accurate and I feel like my ex on his dating
profile, he said 61 and he's actually 66P.
Yeah. And which I'm like, that's fine.
I would lie. What what did I do?
I can't you lie. I would lie.
I mean, I would lie a little bit.
I was like, I'll put 511 because then they won't get intimidated.
Right, right. Because if you put 6 feet, but
then I was like, no, I'll put 6 feet.
So they expect me to be tall. And they're not weird about it.
They're not like you're much taller than 511.
Because it was very, it's very like when you tell a man like
now I kind of do it to rage bait them a little.
Like people are like, yeah, it's so fun If they're like, you're
so tall, how tall are you? I'll be like 5-9 and then
they're like, no, no way. Because because I'm 59.
I'm like, no, I was measured yesterday, man.
You must be like, what, 55? It's so mad.
Can we like like plan on like a, you know, like a video idea we.
Just go out. Yeah, We just go out.
And I tell men that I'm 59 and watch them just kind of
distraught. Yes.
No. I think that's so fun.
I love that. Yeah, I was gonna say something
about, oh, I saw people say, well, cuz I'm from China, They
don't, they use like metrics. Yeah, yeah.
So like, you know, right now here like 6 feet, yeah, yeah, 6
feet is like 183 centimeters, but it's more like 180 is like
the threshold. Is like, like whether or not
you're tall is 180 that makes sense. 180 Think about that.
Yeah, 180 and six feet are like a similar.
And people say there's nobody. No guy is actually gonna say
that they're 180, because if they're actually 180, they're
gonna say they're one. 83181. Yeah.
And if they're like saying 180, that's because they're one. 78
yeah 170. Yeah, just like nobody's 6 feet
on dating apps. Nobody.
I mean, yeah, no. If a guy says he's 6 feet on a
dating app, it means he's 5-10, yeah.
Or like 5-10. 11 maybe. 5-11 maybe?
Yeah, depending on the shoes. Yeah, depending on the kicks,
but. Yeah, or nobody's actually 511
because they're if they're actually 511.
They'll just say 6 feet, yeah. Yeah, it's all a guessing game.
There's a lie, there's a lying epidemic in the hype community,
but it is, yeah. It's all kind of a guessing
game. But then once my girlfriend's
like 5-5. So I was like, it doesn't you,
you can't tell. I was like, but she'll she'll be
like, can you come be tall? And I go and I.
Take her beans down, whatever. That she needs.
I can imagine you 2 look so cute together.
Yeah, we are really cute. You're like a perfect like
straight couples hire. Really, sometimes I worry that
like in a straight cup, like if we are, if you put like a
straight couple dynamic on to us, that I'm falling too much
into the man role just in that. My sister plays volleyball and
so I watch a lot of, I watch all those games and there's a lot of
time that I spend watching the game and she's like cooking
something behind me, which makes me just feel like a piece of
shit husband who's like not helping with the meal at all.
Sounds like why don't you? Why aren't you helping them with
the meal? Yeah, I mean a lot of times.
Here's what I'll say. Yeah, my girlfriend does not
like for me to help her in the kitchen.
That's exactly what a straight guy would.
Say, I mean, no, I mean you got me.
Wait, you actually totally got me there.
That's exactly what a straight guy would say.
And you know what? I have been called in.
I will reflect and I'm listening and I'm learning and I'm growing
from this experience. Yeah, no, I, I, I love that for
you. Like I what?
What would I do to be like the man in the relationship?
I'm trying to think of my most like girly trait in a
relationship now. Or like traditionally like
stereotypically girly trait in a relationship.
What is it? Do you like?
So what do you sew? No.
She sews. Oh, no, I crochet.
You crochet. OK.
Yeah. I feel like if you take
traditional gender roles, the girliest thing I do in the
relationship is I'm the like, I'm the mushier one.
Like I'm the one who's like I wrote you a poem and here it is.
Or like I I. Feel like guys do that.
You think so? Yeah, guys, guys write poems.
What's something a girl could do?
Well, girls can do anything. Yeah, but what's something?
What's the stereotype? I'm trying to think.
Yeah, but I feel like poems are always written.
I've had, I've had three guys write me poems.
It's it's getting old. Yeah.
Wait, were any of them good? No, no, they're OK.
They're OK. They're.
Yeah, I wrote a poem for my girlfriend and I only really
read it. I only really showed it to her,
but she like actually writes poetry.
So I was like, well, this is just this is like, you'll be
like, this is cute, but it'll be I'll be like this.
I was like, this is here It is, right?
I was like, this is just this is just something I.
Mean it's cute that's cute I. Mean it's cute, but it's like
she like does it like well, and I was like, here's a poem I
wrote and it rhymes. Yeah, it's like you're you're
singing to Michael Jackson. Yeah, yeah.
Or like, fucking like Kelly Clarkson.
You're like, I wrote you a song. She's like, oh, thanks.
Yeah, no, but it's OK. I mean it's the gesture helps.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, what's what's like a
traditionally masculine thing you do in relationships?
Interesting. Yeah, that's a good question.
What's masculine? I don't know.
I think I'm sometimes the one that I don't know that that
sends the text of you up. That's so funny.
Right, that's the hence the
title of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I see that now. That's so funny.
Wait, I love that for you. That's girl boss behavior,
right? Is what I would say.
I wish I can like I was thinking, I wish I can have like
my own like one bedroom apartment so I can like be like
you up and then come back, come to my place.
Come over. Come over to my place.
Yeah. No, that's the that's the dream.
Yeah, and don't sleep. Over and don't sleep over.
You'd be like, I called you an Uber.
Like at the end. Yeah, like your Uber's
downstairs. Oh my God, that's my dream,
Yeah. Your dream is living like a
bachelor. Yeah, Yeah, I think that's, I
think that's beautiful. Women can be bachelors.
I think you could be a wonderful bachelor, right?
Like a little bachelor pad. Yeah, we need some, I don't
know, lesbian dating shows of the.
The Bachelor Yeah, that would be so messy.
Actually, I read this book that was about 2 girls who go on like
a bachelor. They can't say the Bachelor
because of copyright, but they're like, it's like the same
show. Yeah, but they go on that show
and they fall in love with each other when they're like,
supposed to be dating the main guy.
I liked it. I.
Liked the book It's. Called here for the wrong
reasons. Well, they.
Were they? Were they were there for the
wrong? Reasons I loved it today's other
what I love today's topic. I have one of my best friends.
They're like a lesbian couple and they were I just saw them.
They were like, you should have more like queer people on there.
I want to hear about gay sex. I mean, that makes sense.
I feel like I talk about the gay sex a lot on the podcast.
Yeah, I was listening to some of the episodes in preparation.
I was like, OK, this would be great.
OK, OK. Which one did you listen to?
I listened to like a little bit of a bunch of them just to get
it like a feel for what what I was supposed to bring to the
table. Yeah.
No, you're doing great. Thanks.
Yeah, really appreciate it. How are you?
Thank. You so good to be here.
Thank you. Sometimes I have my bad days and
my good days. Sometimes if I'm doing the
podcast on a cuz you were asking if I wanted to do it on Sunday.
I'm like usually I go out on Saturday, so Sunday.
So Sunday is not the day. Yeah, Sunday my brain is not
working. That makes sense.
I don't really like as far as I feel like young, like people our
age who are like queer in New York.
I would say that I am on the much like tamer side, like I
don't. On the straighter side, I.
Mean I would say like no, cuz I think straight people are going
out. I'm just like not a huge partier
like I just don't like it right. I just, I think that I, I like
keep earplugs on me at all times because sometimes the world is
too loud. So I'm like, I don't really
wanna be in a party. Wait earplugs for just like
day-to-day New York walking. Yes, because sometimes,
sometimes you're in the subway and it's just so loud and you're
like, and then you put in your earbuds and earphones and or
your earplugs and then you're like, I'm happier now.
Or like, sometimes I'll go to a show.
Yeah. And the sound balance is like,
really? Or they're obviously are trying
to make it so like the back row can hear, but you're not sitting
in the back row and you're like, well, I'm gonna die if I'm up
here. Like I can feel this in my
teeth. Well, I love that for you.
Yeah, I love having earplugs, but like, yeah, I'm not.
I'm not at the club. I'm not.
I bring, I bring earplugs with me everywhere too, for different
reasons. Cuz I don't.
You don't. You never know when you were
gonna go into an emergency clubbing situation.
Yeah. I mean, I think that's smart.
I think that's really smart. But yeah, I'm not a, I'm not
like a partier. I'm not like.
Partier. Yeah.
Are you a partier? You're like, you like to go out.
I go out sometimes. What's your favorite like?
What's your ideal night when you're going out?
Oh, I don't know, come back and be able to go to sleep.
OK, yeah, sometimes I can't go to sleep.
Do you just like, stay up all night?
No, I try to go to sleep but I just end up massive and no.
I mean, that'll put you to sleep though.
I don't know. Sometimes I just want to keep
going, you know? That's fair, yeah.
Maybe like that. Ohh, you.
But yeah, that's when I send the text.
The you up text, Yeah, that's that's a hazard of the yeah.
The fun thing about me and my girlfriend live like a 15 minute
walk away from each other now. So it's very, I don't really.
I mean, I never really have to be like, are you up?
Because I'm usually over there. Yeah.
But if I ever were like, I want to see you in the middle of the
night, I'd be like, but it's a quick little walk.
Yeah, it's a it's come back. Come come over for a quickie.
Yeah. Yeah, that's what guys would
say. That's what, yeah, that's what a
guy would say. I don't really say.
I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say that, probably.
But yeah, would you ever move in with her?
Yeah, we've talked about it. I think like we are, I would say
the opposite of a stereotypical couple in that I think we moved
pretty slow or stereotypical lesbian couple.
I mean, in that we, we didn't like U-Haul at all.
But I, I would, I we've talked about it a little.
I think we're we're happy where we are.
She like has her own apartment and I hang out there and she'll
like come and stay with me. But it's nice, yeah.
Yeah, I don't. I feel like in New York it's
like cheaper to move. In, yeah, I think a lot of
people, but that gets you in like a lot of tricky situations.
Yes, like a lot of people, the housing market is kind of
responsible for a lot of bad relationships out there is my
take is that if a lot of people could afford to live not with
their partner, they would not be in the relationship they're in.
Yeah. And I think that's sad.
Who said that? That's like that.
You're you're the whistleblower. Yeah, I'm the whistleblower for
the housing market. Yeah, and the relationship
damage it's doing. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like it definitely does a lot of damage or like it
definitely prolonged a lot of relationship that should have
been that long. Yeah, I mean, I think also like,
I just think it's, I think it's just the housing market's fucked
for a lot of reasons. But yeah, I think a lot of
people are like, well, we have to make this work because we
live together. And I think that's like a really
hard situation. Yeah, yeah.
Because you, like, neither one of you wants to be looking for
housing and going through a breakup.
And like, I'm sure sometimes it's like it stops people from
making like impulsive decisions, like I want to end this because
whatever and makes them like think through it more.
But I think sometimes people are.
This is really not right for me, but I can't.
It just makes you feel trapped. Yeah, that's how I feel about.
That's why I can't be really practicing Poly because I can't.
I already have like 2 roommates. I can't have more people in your
life. You can.
Have more people involved in your living situation?
Yeah, I think it's really, I also think one of my hot takes
is that it is better to live with people that you are not.
You are either such good friends with and like have known since
you were young or people that you don't really know at all but
get a good vibe from. That's been my take since.
Victoria wants to live with me and and and we haven't known
each other since we're we're childhood.
Like we're, I think that's the kind of thing that can work.
Like I feel like my best. We haven't, so it's not gonna
work, according to. You you haven't known each other
technically new. York because we just got here
for. Like, OK, fair enough.
OK, fair enough, yeah, she said. We're New York babies cuz we're
just got here. For yeah, because you guys got
here at the same time. I don't know.
I mean it obviously works outside of that.
I think for me, I find it easiest to either be close
enough with somebody that I can be like, hey, if you don't do
your dishes, I'm gonna kill you. And they'll be like heard and do
it. And they can be like, hey,
you're pissing me off. And I'll be like, yeah, I'm sure
I am. And like, fix it or somebody
that you are not friends. Like you don't have to worry
about ruining your friendship or like complicating your
friendship by being like, hey, like we'll have a really hard
conversation with you. And it's just like about
laundry. Like I think it's just like it's
hard. I feel like to live with
somebody, right? And I think it's easier when
it's not. There isn't like an existing
relationship. You're adapting to living
together. But I mean like I've been wrong
before. It like works for some people.
I think for me I'm just like, I like, like I'm met my roommates
from being roommates like. We went on the Internet and I
was like and like to. Be fair, some of them have been
really bad. That's true.
I feel like it's a hit or miss. Yeah, I definitely had.
But like fortune. When you have a really bad
roommate that's not your friend, you can be like, hey, you're
being a really bad roommate right now and you don't have to
worry really as much about hurting their feelings.
I don't know, I still worry. I mean you, I mean you probably
will, but you like kind of don't.
Like it's like if this person hates me that will be
uncomfortable but like I'm not losing a relationship.
That's true. Like I'm like, we don't hang
out. We don't need to hang out.
I don't know, I'm still, I'm still too much of A people
pleaser to. Not yeah.
I mean, you don't want to hurt people's feelings in general.
It just is like I think it's much easier to be like, hey, I
have to say something difficult to you when you aren't like,
this is my friend and I just want the best for them cuz I
want the best for my roommates too.
And like a what was I gonna say? I don't know.
And I want the best for my roommates, but I'm not like, we
were roommates before we are before we were friends.
So I don't feel like in order to preserve our friendship, I have
to sacrifice our relationship as roommates.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Like when they're like, hey, can you guys make sure that you're
wiping down the counters after, like, every time you do dishes
or like, every time you cook? I'm not like, you're being so
mean to me right now. I'm like, yeah, well, we're
roommates, so that's how that's gonna go.
Yeah, you know. Yeah, I used to.
Can I say this about my roommate?
I think, yeah, I don't care anymore.
Well, I do. No, I do.
I don't give a shit this. Is like a previous roommate or
yeah. And he would just like, be like,
I know. I wish he said it to my face.
Yeah, I can be in my room and I can hear him.
Like, fuck. Why is it?
Yeah. That's the kind of thing, but
I'm like. Myself.
Yeah, that's so frustrating. Yeah.
And I'm like, do I, do I intervene or do I come out and
say something or. Yeah.
I also feel like in order to be a good roommate, you do need to
be able to just be like, hey, this is what I.
Need from you in. Like some cases, like I'm like,
if I'm bothering you don't sit on it and then like not tell me
because like if you're like, hey, it really bugs me how you
leak comes on the stove. That's an easy fix.
Like I can just clean that up. But if you don't tell me, then
I'm like, no one cares. And then now you're mad and I'm
fine. And I think it has similarities
with being in a Poly slash or or a monogamous.
With any relationship, yeah, you do need to be able to.
I think people also are really conflict is hard, like it's hard
for a lot. It's hard for everyone.
I think like I think there aren't people who are like
conflict is super easy for me because it's like kind of I
guess maybe there are. I don't, yeah, I mean.
I mean, there are people who are really confrontational.
Right. I don't like those people.
Conflict is, I mean me, actually, you know what?
I'll say a hot take. I kind of prefer somebody who
is. Confrontational.
Yeah. I mean like I think that it
forces me to think about like, like it forces me to stand up
for myself and be like, or to be like, yeah, you're right, I
fucked up, you know what I mean? Like I would rather my friend be
like, hey, this thing you did really hurt my feelings and I
want to talk about it then to like have them tiptoe around it
for like 2 years and have it come out when like we're drunk
or something like that. Like I'm like, I would always
rather you just straight up be like, Hey, you hurt my feelings
or like, Hey, this thing you does like you, this thing you do
like bugs me or whatever. I guess I don't like people when
people are like mean or like aggressive, right, Right.
But when people are like, not afraid to be like.
Be direct, yeah. I think I appreciate being
direct. My dad was very when he was he
was telling me that when he was dating my mom, he was like, I
don't do like the mind reading stuff.
So like, if you're upset with me, you can, you should just
tell me because I'm probably not going to be able to like guess.
OK. But you should just like, let me
know. And I was like, I think that's
actually really. I think that's a mature move.
I agree because I'm also like I struggle with the like there's a
certain amount of like consideration and care that you
should absolutely give the people around you.
And also sometimes people are thinking things about your
actions that you just like didn't think of.
And like, sometimes it's like you obviously wish that they had
just like thought of that. Like I wish that people would
think of like would just know exactly how I would react to
things. But sometimes, like if they
don't know, you should tell them.
I think you should give them. You should make an effort.
Right. To like, give people a chance to
change. Yes, that's why I tell them that
they the way they slurp their spaghetti, they.
Really. Give you the ick?
Yeah, that's exactly, that's exactly what you should do.
That's feedback. That's constructive criticism.
Right, so you should. Yeah, I mean, OK, I'll tell us
one more story about my girlfriend then I'm gonna leave
it cuz she's a very private person.
But she, one time I, we were packing to go on a trip together
and I have this outlet extender thing.
Yeah that has like 6 outlets in it and it plugs into one outlet.
And I was like, I got it out and she was like, you can't bring
that. And I was like what?
And she was like, it sets a precedent.
I was. Like it sets a precedent.
She was, I was like, I mean, to be fair for her, for her part,
we were going to like her aunt and uncle's house.
So it wasn't like there were going to be no outlets.
But I was like, what if there are no outlets there?
And she was like, no, you don't need to bring that.
And I was like, you know what? And I'm glad you said that to me
instead of being like, that was really weird that you did that
and I'm just holding onto it forever.
You know what I mean? Did you bring it?
No, I didn't. I was like, she was like, what
she said was if you don't bring it and there aren't enough
outlets, you can bring it up whenever you want, OK, And you
will always have been right. And I was like, OK, I'll take
that deal. And then and then.
I was wrong. So.
No, I was wrong so. I so now you can.
So now I can't bring it up, but she could if she wants.
Wait, so you you went to the uncle's house and then there's
no. No, there were outlets.
There were, there were lots of outlets.
She was like, do you see all these?
I was like so. She was right.
She was. Right.
You're wrong. OK, She was right.
I was like. No, you can't.
Now, I can't bring it up, but she was, she was right to be
like, if it if I'm wrong, you can bring it up forever.
I was like, you know what? Yeah.
Yeah, you kind of wish she was. I kind of wish that I was right.
Yeah. But even though it would be like
a bad setup for an apartment, like I'm like, that would be bad
for your aunt and uncle. But I kind of wish I was right.
But honestly, bringing outlets everywhere, it's such a smart
move. Like if.
We're going on a trip. I would look.
Definitely too. I think that it's more of an
issue when you're in hotels because sometimes they have like
the one outlet by your bed. And like if you and your partner
both want to plug in like your phone and then like your Airpods
or something, then sometimes you need like more than one.
But when you're going to a house, it's like they're gonna
have more than one outlet in the house.
I'm sorry you were wrong, but it's OK.
I you have my, you have my support like I.
Yeah, I'm building up a team. I'm gonna bring back a list of
names to my girlfriend and be like these are all the people
who thought I was justified in bringing.
The outlet, it's very much justified.
I would. I would be so happy if you're
the friend that actually brought the.
Outlet, I mean, yeah, I feel like if I were going on a trip
with a bunch of people, like if me and my like high school
friends or whatever were going on a trip, I would definitely
bring it Cuz I would be like, we're all gonna want to
something. Yeah.
And like if we're all sharing like 2H rooms or one hotel room,
like there's not gonna be enough outlets at one point.
Yeah. Or whatever.
Yeah. And you don't wanna be like
moving the couch or like the whatever so that you can get to
like an outlet that's behind something.
I'm like, no, yeah, my outlet extender, everybody's excited.
You're a good friend. You're a planner in that in that
regard. No, I just, I mean no.
You know what? I'll take it.
Yeah, yes. Yeah, I just like having
outlets. Yeah, I do too.
It's definitely better to have more holes than no.
You know what? That's it.
That's it, everybody. We did it.
We did it, yeah.
Thank you so much for coming. Thank you SO.
Much for having me. This was so much.
Fun. Yeah, I had a great fun.