You are always thinking like an engineer, but you need to
communicate like an executive. The more you start communicating
with people without using jargons, the more you can build
flexibility in your communication.
You will not only enjoy your career, you will have more
opportunities. You will have more impact in
your job. I am an engineer, why do I need
public speakings here? What people don't realize is you
are looking at one aspect of communication which is standing
in public and speaking, but there is a lot goes on behind
it. This question keeps coming that
I don't like self promotion. I don't like talking about
myself or about my project. There is a distinction between
self promotion and self-expression.
When you are standing in front of people and talking, please
don't think you are self promoting.
Think of it as a self-expression activity.
A lot of people talk about motivation.
I have learned that motivation is a state of mind.
It is not something outside you, it is always inside you.
It's always thoughts become feelings, feelings drive your
action or behaviors. Usually when I work with people,
I ask them what are your intrinsic goals?
What do you really want to achieve in your life?
When I ask people, people don't have clear goals.
They say I don't know my purpose in life.
Without accountability, I don't think we will achieve our
intrinsic goals. For extrinsic goals, you will
have your manager coming after you and saying OK what's
happening with this project, but intrinsic goals, you are the one
who cares about it. Hi everyone, welcome back to
another new episode of the Technician Podcast.
I have a guest today. He's an experienced engineering
leader turned coach, so he has two decades of experience
working in Oracle and Meta. Pramoda Fiyasha Rao today is
with me. I'm really excited to talk to
you today about communications, how we can get better at it and
also like some learnings from your coaching and also like goal
setting kind of experience. So welcome to the show, Pramoda.
I am so excited to be here. Henry kind of watched your
episodes every year, but excited to be here as a guest.
Right, Pramoda, I always love to ask my guests maybe first to
share a little bit about yourself, particularly if you
have some career turning points that you think we all can learn
from that. I can share the two turning
points from my career. One is as an engineer, I
struggled with communicating in public, especially presenting
ideas to a group. Luckily, I learned about a club
called Toastmasters back in 2003.
I joined the club and I went to their meetings for about 3 years
from 2003 to 2006. This was a huge turning point
for my career because after those three years I became so
good in communicating, clarifying and ideas selling to
people. That actually gave me a new
opportunity in my career. I became a product manager for a
couple of years, then enterprise data architect, then went into
engineering management career. So that was a big breakthrough
in my career. It opened a new doors of
possibilities for me as an engineer.
The second ministry in my career has been last year.
There was a massive layer of what meta last year in January
2023, my role was also eliminated.
I was at a choice point. Should I go get another job in
big tech or do something on my own?
I always wanted to be a coach, author and help other people
with leadership. I decided to take a two year
career break from 2023 to 25 to teach courses, to do 1 to one
coaching and publish a book. Those two are important turning
points in my life. The journey of Toastmasters and
becoming an author coach after early offered matter.
Well, thanks for sharing these two definitely great turning
points, right. So the first thing maybe if, if
I can pick a little bit about the layoffs.
I, I know some people might get affected through some layoffs in
some big companies. What is your personal experience
going through this journey and maybe some tips for people who
may have gone into the same situation?
My number one tip, Henry, is anyone who goes through this
should not make it personal because it is not you or me.
It's all a result of the economy and how the business is doing
and we don't make decisions. In fact, in my career, I have
made decisions where I have let go other people in my list, in
my team. So I understand how the process
works, how the list is made and how things work.
My message to folks is please never take this personally.
It is not about you as an individual.
It's a lot of variables involved and you have no control.
The second advice I have is find a coach or a mentor who you can
talk and share your idea. Here is what I'm doing.
Here is my plan right now. If you want to take a couple of
months break or work for some smaller companies or do some
consulting work, work with a mentor or a coach who can help
you guide in the right direction.
Because if you're all doing all alone and thinking all by
yourself, sometimes you start doubting yourself and that does
not help, especially the time of not being employed.
So two things to summarize 1 is don't take it personally.
Find some professional help from a mentor on a coach.
Yeah. I think it's very important not
to couple this situation with your identity, with your
capability, right? With your situation, right?
But sometimes it's rather unfortunate.
I experienced it before as well, like, I mean, like many, many
years ago. So I think it's always very
important. Don't let yourself down simply
because you think it's all your fault, right?
So I think that's a very good message.
And I think another thing that we want to talk about today is
about communication. I know that in the beginning you
mentioned about your career turning point, which is joining
Toastmasters. I think Toastmasters have been
around for many, many, many years.
Maybe just a little bit of, I don't know, like what's your
take about Toastmasters? Should engineers start
considering joining Toastmasters to improve their communication?
Yeah, my answer is absolutely yes.
In fact, there was a time where we used to, I was a vice
president of membership at all of these club, Toastmaster.
We used to run around the building and pull people to the
media. You should come, you need this
skill, you should come. And they would ask me, I am an
engineer, why do I need public speaking skill?
What people don't realize is you are looking at one aspect of
communication, which is standing in public and speaking.
But there is a lot goes on behind it.
You create a speech for about 5 to 7 minutes.
So you write 500 to 700 words on a Word document.
You prepare on a topic. That's an excellent skill to
gain as an engineer. You are researching, you are
thinking and you is using methodology to write your speech
from beginning, body and ending, and you are able to persuade
people, narrate stories and information and speech inspiring
speech many things you can achieve interest, master
writing, making a case for a story, emotional aspects of a
speech and connecting with the audience.
These are great things to learn. You will become a better writer,
better speaker and better human being by meeting more people.
So there's a lot of things you can gain with Toastmasters.
Most people unfortunately think it's only public speaking.
I'm not interested in speaking in public and entertaining the
audience. I'm not of that personality.
They just cop out giving that as a reason.
But there is a lot you can gain by being a member.
These days there are online clubs.
Back in the days in 2003, there was an online club.
We had to go to the club meeting in person.
These days there are online meetings on Zoom and other
mechanisms. So find out a club in your area.
You can go to the website toastmasters.org.
You can find out clubs in your area and join them.
You will not regret the decision.
I can tell you from my experience, you will never
regret the decision. I personally haven't joined
Toastmasters, although I have joined some of the meetings just
to get a glimpse of what Toastmasters is all about,
right? So one, maybe one question.
I mean, you have said it like many engineers think they don't
want to do public speaking. They don't want to be a great
presenter orator or whatever that is right?
And sometimes joining this meeting feels intimidating
because you see a lot of great speakers doing their speaking,
right. So what's your take away for us
not to get this Hutton looking at the great speakers like how
do you actually that you know when you join postmasters until
you become a great speaker like now?
I love the question. This comes in my 1 tone coaching
as well. I coach a lot of senior
engineers and managers. This question keeps coming that
I don't like self promotion. I don't like talking about
myself or about my project. I don't like enjoying.
I don't like standing in front of people and talking.
My answer always to my clients is there is a distinction
between self promotion and self-expression.
There is a huge difference when you're standing in front of
people and talking. Please don't think you're self
promoting. Think of it as a self-expression
activity. You have some ideas, you have
some thoughts in your mind, you have some experience in your
life. They are unique to you.
You can bring all that experience and make it a matter
of self-expression in front of a group, not to impress them or
just to express yourself. That will burden.
That will reduce the burden from your shoulder that you're not
impressing people with their skills, you're merely expressing
your ideas in front of. People, that's actually a very
great tips. I remember Kelsey Hightown also
mentioned about this, right? It's about telling your story
rather than to impress or even imitate other people, right?
So I think it's about expressing yourself.
So thanks for highlighting that. So one thing that you do is
actually to create this course called Communication
Engineering, right? So I think the selling page of
this course is thing like an engineer but talk like an
executive. So maybe this is something from
your past experience as well. Tell us like, what's the gist of
this course and why we should think like an executive
actually? What happens I have seen in an
engineer's career, the Henry's in my own career and others have
been helping. There is this notion that either
our mentality, I am either a strong colder engineer,
technical problem solver, or I am a leader or a communicator
and presenter. This has to stop.
This either our has to stop in the industry.
That is why I keep bringing this concept of you are always
thinking like an engineer, but you need to communicate like an
executive. It's a combination of both.
You don't have to drop your technical skills.
You are the expert in your domain.
But the more you start communicating with people
without using Jargon's technical words whenever it is required
with a business team or your leadership team or customers,
the more you can build flexibility in your
communication. You will not only enjoy your
career, you will have more opportunities, you will have
more impact in your job. That is the number one reason I
tell people to consider communication is it's a
combination of both. So what I did was after I
started my own company last year, the company is called Tain
Smith Coaching. I thought how do I bring my
experience of those faster people who don't want to go for
a long time, like three years or four years?
How do I condense all my experience in a four week course
where they get all the foundational elements and they
can develop habits in four weeks?
That was my intention behind this course.
I condensed all my experience in communicating, connecting with
people, sharing feedback, conversations with people.
I took all that various framework of authors and my
experience. I packaged that into a four week
course called Communication Engineering.
The premise of the course is based on the audience, based on
who you are speaking to. You need to flexibly change your
style as well as mode of communication.
How much you share, like how much detail.
It's like you are in the elevator.
Depending on your audience, you can go higher in the elevator
which is more abstract and high level information.
Or if somebody is your peer engineer, you can go down the
elevator and tell them everything about details.
So this is the flexibility of communication elevator from
ground floor to tax floor depending on who you are
communicating with. Right, I think like almost many
engineers, right, would go into details, especially when people
ask and sometimes they use jargon like what you said,
right? And sometimes like explaining it
from the tech point of view. So I think speaking like an
executive definitely is very important.
You know, especially you mentioned in the course pitch as
well, right, If you want to progress in your career, right,
going into the ladder, maybe becoming a more experienced
engineering leader, senior VP and things like that.
And why do you think this is such an important thing to
progress in your? If you really see software
engineering is a team sport, it is not an individual sport.
You see any company they are developing in teams, whether it
is a clear product development company or a traditional IT
company or platform engineering. Any group you go to, you don't
work in isolation. You always work with people who
are non-technical. These non-technical people can
be other people like data scientists, the product
managers, business analysts or business systems analysts,
marketing, sales, finance, customer support and your own
customers for example. They may be non-technical.
So when you communicate with these people, it is extremely
important you connect with them. What happens is as you grow in
your career and you build these skills, invariably you get
invited to go to meetings where communication skill is required.
If you don't have these skills. So you will not get these
opportunities when you have these skills.
I am sure if somebody has a skill, their manager will say,
can you attend this meeting? We want you to communicate to
the customer in that meeting. You have the skill, technical
skill already. But adding those communication
aspects will become helpful to you.
You will become more valuable in the conversations because you
can connect with people, you can speak their language, not only
your language, but their language of business, their
challenges, their user journey and so on.
So in one word, it's flexibility in your communication gives you
more opportunities in your career.
Yeah. So I think also sometimes it's
very important to convey your idea, you know, like how do you
think from the technology rather than just following from others,
right? Be part of the critical members
of the team, right, in order to bring the company forward.
And definitely communication, be it verbally or in, you know,
writings, right, are very, very important.
So what's your take about writing communication skills?
Do you think this is equally important as well?
Absolutely. Both.
The writing documents, writing emails, your Slack messages, in
fact even presentations as well. The way you design
presentations. Some companies don't like
presentations, like Amazon, they like 6 page document.
That's fine, but both of them require thoughtful writing.
Writing is not easy because you need to crystallize your
thinking. It needs new skills, it needs
practice. The writing stories, writing
your memos or a structured document as well as compiling
your top five ideas on a presentation.
Both are extremely important skills.
You start with verbal communication.
You communicate orally and share your thoughts.
But at some point, to scale yourself, you need to start
documenting well, writing things well, and there are many
benefits. At some point you can start your
own newsletter. As an engineer, you can start
your own blog. There are so many things you can
do these days. These skills, if you pick up
along the way, they can become your life skills and they can
also help you monetize them later.
There are good benefits of becoming a better writer and
communicator. So I can attest right at the
very beginning, I think both writing and, you know, speaking
to me were the very difficult, right?
But like you said, it's a skill, right?
We all can learn from it. We can get better at it.
Maybe we can find coach and mentor as well.
So I think those two skills, especially if you want to
progress in your career, definitely very important.
You also have this framework called Tall framework in your
communication engineering. Maybe give us a little bit of
glimpse like what is tall framework?
How can we use it to improve our communication?
What I'll do, Henry, is I'll give you a quick overview of the
four aspects and you can go deeper into any of those.
I brought up this stall framework because these are the
four areas I learned as an engineer and there as a product
manager and engineering need of that.
These four areas are crucial for communication, leadership, and
personal development. The first area is called talking
with structures. When somebody asks me a question
in a business forum or in a customer meeting, I need to
think about how do I ensure I answer in a way that people
remember information and structures are extremely helpful
for people to remember information.
So in that aspect, I teach a lot of structures to communicate.
One example could be what happened?
So what? Like why is it important?
And now what? So what, So what and now what is
a nice structure to communicate? If you tell me what's happening
with this release, give me an update, I can say what's
happening, why is it important, and what are the next steps.
That's one example of structure. We can go into more details
later. The second aspect is in the tall
framework is asking insightful questions.
I realized in my own career I knew how to answer, how to make
statements, but I did not know how to ask good questions.
My questions are primarily binary questions that elicited
yes or no answers. Did you do this?
This is ready. Those are all yes or no answers,
but if you ask open-ended questions you can make people
think and respond well. Like why, what, how, where,
when, how. Asking these questions will
elicit more information. It will help them clarify their
thoughts and tell you what's happening in their mind.
The third one in Tall framework is listening.
Listening deeply to go beyond words.
Because many times in a conversation we are not trained
to listen. We are trained to interrupt and
respond, look for the opportunity to talk, and then
there is a pause. I take over the conversation
though. In this framework, we talk about
how do we listen well, how do we demonstrate that we are
listening as well as reconfirm our understanding through
listening. That happens in the end
framework, which is listening. The last one is called
leadership development. I am a big fan of Doctor
Marshall Goldsmith who wrote the book What Got You Here Won't Get
You There. In fact, Marshall also endorsed
my book. If you remember the book title,
he endorsed my book. He's a gracious person.
I love his leadership methodology.
In the last framework, we talk about a simple model called
stakeholder centered leadership coaching.
Then a three steps trace. We can go deeper later.
I call them as ABC method awareness, behavioral change and
continuous measurement. ABC.
We can go to that later. So these 4 aspects, talking with
structure so that people can remember your information and
digest and understand. Asking good questions make
people think. Third one is listening well in
conversation so you can understand their perspective and
reframe things. And last one is you put all
these things together. How do you grow as a leader with
your own self-awareness, getting feedback from others,
consistently making behavioral changes, and continuously
measuring what is working and what is not with your
stakeholders. That is a great package called
Town Framework for Communication and Leadership.
Wow, thank you for highlighting this summary, right.
So I think even just by listening this summary right,
everyone can benefit, you know, improve their communication.
So maybe if you don't mind, we we go a little bit for some of
the elements, right? So the first one is talking with
structure. I find like people sometimes
talk just, you know, going through their thoughts, right?
Like whatever their thoughts, they just narrate it in that
way. And sometimes it's not intuitive
for us to come up with a structure.
I think you gave one just like what happened then?
Why is it important? And so what's next, right?
And I think in some interview tips also, they kind of like
advocate things like star method and you know, whatever that is,
right? So maybe if you can give some
frameworks that we can use to actually structure our
communication better. Are there other frameworks that
you think we can use to talk much more effectively?
Yeah, we could also consider a couple of more.
One example is I called listicles.
Essentially you make a list of things.
If somebody asks you a question, what is holding us back?
What's the challenge? Right now?
You can simply say there is number one challenge is this.
Today we are going through this challenge.
This is the number one challenge.
If we address this, we can move forward easily.
Or you can say there are two major challenges here, number
one and number two or three major challenges #1 #2 and #3.
Typically, I don't recommend more than three because we love
123. Anything beyond is difficult to
remember. This way you what happens is
Henry, the moment you say I have 3 things to say, your listener
is most likely to listen. OK, what's happening now?
I've got one and two and three. They will listen to you.
They'll remember these three things as opposed to you
randomly saying 4 paragraphs or three paragraphs.
So you already give them a heads up that I'm going to share with
you three things and it'll come to you right now.
So that's really one structure I strongly recommend called
listical structure. The second one is a common
consulting model from McKenzie and other consulting companies
called situation complication and resolution.
So here is a situation right now we are in.
You can explain what's happening right now, then you can explain
the complication in that situation.
What is complex about this, What is difficult, what is most
challenging is the complication. And then you can go to the
resolution. Now knowing the situation,
knowing the complication, you tell me either a solution, a
possible solution, or your recommendations to solve this
challenge. So you explain the situation and
the complication and the resolution.
Now there is high chances that people who are listening to you
will remember what you said because there is a coherent
thread across these three things.
There is a story, the situation you are explaining, your mind is
able to connect. Now you are telling the most
important challenge to tackle and then you are showing me two
or three ways to solve this talent.
And what's your strong recommendation as an engineer on
the team? You mentioned something that
people always mention about speaking, right?
It's about story storytelling, right?
And I think the coherence is 1 aspect of, you know why
storytelling is very powerful, right?
Even though you are talking about facts and nonfiction
stuff, right? So I think storytelling is
definitely one aspect that we always need to remember, right?
The other one that you mentioned is about listening, right?
For me at least, sometimes it's like we are guilty of not
listening. Sometimes when people speak, we
even like come up with some potential answers in our mind
rather than listening very attentively.
So for engineers here, how can we improve ourselves in terms of
listening? Because this again doesn't come
intuitively. Sometimes we want to gather
facts and reply the question as soon as possible.
So maybe some tips here as well that we can do in order to
effectively listen to other people.
In my experience I've seen 2 distractions. 1 is external
distraction, like there is a phone in front of you while
you're listening, there is a laptop open, there are 16
browser windows open, tabs open. They will disturb you.
I recommend if you are in a one to one conversation or in a
group meeting as much as possible reduce distraction
which are external distractions like phone, media and other
things. The other one is internal
distraction. We are wired to think when
somebody is talking. We are always preparing the
answer. We are preparing our response to
that person. This will require some practice.
It's not easy, I understand, but it's not difficult as well.
You need to start practicing. I will listen to this person
because sometimes you will realize if you listen to a
person for two minutes, you will realize in 2 minutes there is a
common theme. You will hear the emotion.
Either they're frustrated, they're angry, they're upset.
You will see that they're repeating the same point
multiple times. There's a thematic version in
their structure, but you will realize it only after you listen
for two minutes. Now my #1 tip for people is in
the next one-on-one meeting, whether with your manager or a
peer or a cross functional partner, set a timer for 2
minutes and say today I will listen to this person and make
notes. If you really have to say
something, wanted to make notes and say OK, this was important,
this topic was important, but do not interrupt for two minutes.
This one skill can take you to a whole new level of listening.
In fact, I did this with one of the clients two weeks ago.
He tried with his team. They are not surprised.
Like, why are you not talking? Why are you not interrupting me?
What's happening with you? Am I not making sense?
Then he had to tell them in a group meeting that I'm going to
be a better listener. Now I'm practicing some things.
So when I'm quietly listening, I'm actually listening to you
and making notes. He had a significant improvement
in just three weeks by making these things small things,
changes in team meetings and one-on-one discussions to listen
to people for a couple of minutes, make notes and see
what's the best response after he made notes.
Wow, I think that's also something that we all can try,
right? Try to just listen 2 minutes
without replying, right? And maybe taking notes if you
don't want to forget. Because sometimes when you first
practice it right, it doesn't come intuitively right.
Sometimes you forget what other people said in the two minutes.
Please try to do that. The other thing that I find
really important is that actually your expression, right?
When people speak, right? Look at their eyes, you know,
smile, nodding or even say, uh, yeah.
And at the end also try to repeat what the other people is
saying, right? So I think that's also some tips
that I learned throughout my career, right?
So definitely listening is very, very important, especially you
become a leader, right? Because leader is not there just
to solve problems, but also to listen to others and making sure
we can grow other people as well.
So the other aspect that you mentioned about the leadership
growth, something that you learn from Doctor Marshall Godsmith,
by the way, Congrats for, you know, having him writing the
forward of the book. So you mentioned about this ABC
framework. I'm quite intrigued to learn
more. What is this ABC framework?
Maybe if you can teach us here as well.
Yeah. So this is ABC framework, which
is something I simplified from my experience.
I have been reading his materials since 2007.
I went to his live workshop when I was in India.
I did several certifications from his organization which is
called SEC Coaching, Stakeholder Centered Coaching.
I model this ABC for simplifying the people.
So one is called awareness. In the first step, we look at 2
areas of awareness. 1 is what do you think about yourself?
Let's say you are my client Henry.
The first question we asked together is what do you think
about yourself in the sense what are your strengths?
What are your areas of improvement?
Which kinds of people irritate you?
Why do they irritate you? Which kinds of people you
partner really well with and why is that?
We go through this inventory of what makes you tick in an
organization. That's one aspect of you
discovering yourself through reflection, self reflection and
discussion. Like what are you really good
at? What are your strengths?
What do you enjoy doing? What kinds of partnerships you
are really building well in the organization?
That's called self-awareness. The other side of that coin is
the other people's awareness. What do other people think about
you? We do this through an anonymous
feedback. We do a survey with a few
questions to understand what's working well with you as an
individual or a manager working with other cross functional
partners. And we keep it anonymous so that
people can be honest. Some organizations are willing
to do it anonymous, some are not.
My strong recommendation is for leadership growth.
It is always beneficial to keep it anonymous because it's not
performance appraisal. I'm not measuring your
performance by this survey. It is purely for your leadership
development. So the more truth you hear from
people, the better for you as a leader.
We collect that feedback. Now we have got 2 pieces of
information. One is your own self-awareness
and now what other people think about you, your strengths, where
you are really good at, what areas you need to improve as a
leader, as a part time in the organization.
We work together and say OK, what's really working well with
you as a leader? We just look at all the positive
things you already have. We also look at what is the
perception of people, like where do they think you're not ready
yet or you're not a great partner?
In my experience, most people jump to the second one.
They ignore the strengths. They jump to this and say, look,
these things, people are not liking me, they're biased and so
on. But we always go back and say
first, let's appreciate all the great things they're saying and
let's see what can be improved because everything cannot be
improved. It's OK to ignore some things.
So we look at common themes and that's how we decide to improve
on what one or two behaviors you can change.
Maybe they're communicating better, influencing more,
writing better documents. Remember, all of these are
behavioral feedback. We don't do 360 for technical
feedback like somebody how does he or she code?
How do they design systems. We don't do 360 for this.
We only do this for leadership skills like listening behaviors,
feedback, handling difficult conversations, communicating in
high stake environment. How do you manage emotion in
front of a significant conversation?
How are you able to manage your emotion?
Those are the things we address in 360 feedback.
Once we gather all that and decide two things we change, two
things we want to change in our engagement, we then work with
about 6:00 to 8:00 stakeholders. I call them stakeholders.
If you're working with them on a weekly basis and they're
watching you weekly either on a Zoom call or in one to one in
person meeting, those are your stakeholders because they need
to watch you every week and then you consistently change your
behaviors. For example, if your behavior is
listening more, interrupting less, asking good questions,
understanding other people's perspective, and handle open
conversations when there is a disagreement.
If these are the skills you want to improve, you start changing
those behaviors every day at work, in every meeting.
There are some techniques we use things like a conscious reminder
like this. You know, if you see, when I,
when I go to any podcast, I have this right in front of my call,
pause, breathe and smile. It's a conscious trigger because
we all are habitual creatures. We may digress, but having a
reminder like this will tell me, hey, you are the best version of
yourself today. You pause, you take a breath and
you smile in your conversations. So these are consistent
behavioral changes I help my clients do at work because it
doesn't happen automatically. You might have all great
intentions about becoming leader, but the behavior decides
your intention. You see a direction that
actually matters, not just the intention.
So step one is awareness. We discussed that.
Step 2 is behavioral changes in meetings and in one to one
conversations. Step 3 is continuous
measurement. There are two aspects to it.
One is called as a follow up meeting with these six
stakeholders. We strongly recommend meeting at
least once a month for about 10 minutes to ask two questions.
Hey, you know that Henry. I'm changing these two
behaviors. I want to listen well and
communicate better. What am I doing well in the last
one month? What could I improve?
Give me some ideas. I ask these two questions to
you. You are my stakeholder and I
simply keep quiet for next 5 minutes.
You tell me. OK Pramoda, I'll be noticing
you. I like that you're doing these
changes. I make notes.
Can you tell me the second questions answer?
Maybe you can do these three things to improve better or make
some changes in your style of communication.
I take that. I thank you.
No debate, no discussion, no argument.
I simply thank you and come back in 10 minutes.
That's called follow up meeting. It's also called Feed Forward by
Marshall Goldsmith, but I simply call it as a follow up meeting.
It is not a debate. It's simply what have you
noticed so far in my behaviors? What's working well, What could
I improve? The other aspect of continuous
measurement is there is a formal survey we do every quarter,
sometimes every quarter, sometimes every six months,
which focuses on two things. One aspect is how consistently I
am. If I were the 1:00 making my
changes as a leader, if you are my stakeholder that are 8
stakeholders, I would survey with eight stakeholders how
consistently I am coming to you and meeting them every month.
That is a key indicator. Follow up every month.
So there is a deity, I think it's a -, 5 + 5 or -2 + 2 is the
range. So we say, OK, he's always
consistently meeting me every month, he never shows up and so
on in the scale. The second question is to the
stakeholders. All right, Pramod has been doing
these changes on these two behaviors.
Tell us the effectiveness of the change from -2 to +2.
These two questions will objectively measure every
quarter or every six months or every 12 months to tell me as a
leader, how is my effectiveness growing with my stakeholders.
By the way, stakeholders can also include my team members,
direct reports and skip level as well, doesn't matter.
I choose these stakeholders. We finish the awareness.
We talked about behavioral change, we talked about
continuous measurement. 1 is subjective 1 to one discussion
every month. The other one is objective
measurement is every three months or six months.
So that completes the ABC framework for leadership
development. Wow, thanks for, you know,
giving us this summary. So ABC is like awareness,
behavioral change and continuous measurement.
And I think thanks for highlighting that stakeholders
doesn't mean always your bosses, you know, but it could be your
team members, it could be people who can give you good feedback,
right, critical feedback. And I think there's a lot of
vulnerability aspects here as well because you listen and you
don't debate, argue about certain feedback from others.
And the important thing is about improving yourself.
So I think this is probably a great thing to do with a coach
having you probably, it's very hard to do alone.
So definitely ABC is something that people can learn how to
improve themselves in terms of leadership.
So Pramoda, the second part of our conversation, I would like
to talk about your book Beyond Your Limits.
So I think this book is quite inspiring, right?
So you kind of like go through goal setting kind of experience,
you know, 52 goals that you mentioned in the book.
Those are some are like lofty goals for some people.
So tell us like maybe the first thing is about the background
story. Why you come up with this book
and why actually you come up with this long journey of goal
setting? Yes, I will give you a short
story. It's a long stay, but I'll keep
it short. In 2001, I lost my father.
I reached 22 and in 2003 I lost my grandfather.
Within two years I lost both of them.
At that time I had a good job, great salary, life was great.
I was single. One thing I lost was there was
not much meaning in my life. You know, life seemed like a
trend and everybody around me were just focused on making more
money, promotion and so on. I suppose did not like it.
I was always looking for more meaning in my life.
After two deaths in the family within two years, I was looking
for meaning. My focus was mostly on seeking
knowledge either through spirituality or through sensor
books. Back then 2003 I'm talking about
I kept reading so many books on self help and personal
development. I took some courses and you
know, they were helping me to feel good, but I wasn't changing
anything in my life. There was no consistent action I
was taking in my life back then. I was obese and old weight.
You cannot believe I was 90 kilos back then, about 92 kilos
in 2003. At that time I was thinking if
only I can learn time management skill, my life can change.
For this was October 2003. I went to a training at time
management training at Oracle. Oracle was a great company, so
many training. I signed up.
I went there. It was a full day training from
9:00 to 5:00. During the training, the trainer
talked about a person named John Goddard.
John Goddard lived in the US. He's called the greatest
adventurer of the world. At age 14, he listed about 127
goals. Goals like climbing the Mount
Everest, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, crossing the Nile
River on a kayak and learning 5 languages, reading scriptures
and so on. Amazing goals, he wrote.
And by the age 80, he had achieved all of those goals
except one or two. When I heard the story at age
24, I was just 24. Back then, I said this is
phenomenal. Until then I thought how do I
find meaning in my life? I was asking question what is
the meaning to life? What is so funny is I realized I
was the one to answer that question.
I cannot ask that question to life.
What's the meaning to life? The life is asking the question
to me and I can answer that question by my lifestyle, by the
action I take, by the goals I achieve in my life.
That was a significant turning point in my life.
I went home that day. I listed five goals to begin
with. Five simple goals.
You will not believe the kind of simplicity in those five goals.
I wanted to lose about £35. That became my goal.
I was scared of public speaking. I wrote a goal to become a
confident public speaker. The third goal was I was scared
of water. I wanted to learn swimming.
I joined the course back then. The fourth goal was as a kid, I
was, I'm a fan of Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, but I never learned
martial art. So my goal #4 was learning a
martial arts for three to four years to achieve a shoe belts.
So I wrote that as a goal. And goal #5 back then was
donating blood 50 times before turning age 50 because my family
needed some emergency blood transfusions back then.
So I knew the value of blood donation.
I wanted to ensure it became a goal I could pursue over a long
time. So I added those five goals as a
starting point and after that my whole life became a goal
oriented life. In fact, in the book I talk
about my 52nd goal, that is to publish a book.
So the book actually compiles all of my goals from 2003 to
2024 in a nicely packaged book, with the last goal becoming the
book itself. Wow, very inspiring, right?
So you just took like 2 years to achieve those 52 goals.
I think that's kind of like inspiring for people.
I would recommend people if you are looking for motivation,
right? Because sometimes when we set
goals, almost everybody set goals in the beginning of the
year and we are coming into it soon.
But somehow they kind of like drifted and kind of like
withdraw from the goals itself, right?
Maybe sometimes they pick something that is too difficult
or sometimes life happens and they just forget about the
goals. So maybe 52 goals.
These are a lot, right? And some are like really, really
hard for people. Even though you mentioned in
beginning like weight loss and all that seems easy and seems
simple. But for some it's like maybe
never ending, kind of like battle, you know, with those
goals. What are maybe some of the
unintuitive thing that you maybe learn from this two year's
journey? Setting goals and meeting them
one by one, right? So maybe if there's something
that you find as a new self inspiration or something like
that, you can share. One clarification, I achieved
those five goals in the first two years, but in the remaining
years I achieved many other goals.
So just to be clear, it's a long journey from 2003 to 2020, four
21 year goal journey and I still have many goals and I achieved
on my list. They are being pursued at this
point. One thing I've realized Henry is
over my own journey, a lot of people talk about motivation.
I have learned that motivation is a state of mind.
It is not something outside you, it is always inside you.
What happens is you set the goal today and you are excited and
pumped up. You are excited about your goal
and the actions you are going to take.
In three weeks you will fizzle out.
The motivation tanks. It goes at the bottom.
People think it is on external. I also thought initially it's on
external. Like OK, I'm not getting results
so I'm feeling bad. The unintuitive learning in the
journey, Henry has been my own thoughts.
I'm a creature of thoughts. I'm constantly thinking and
these thoughts are triggering feelings and moods in me and
those me and those moods and feelings are influencing my
behaviors. It's always thoughts become
feelings, feelings drive your action or behaviors.
This is the best learning in my journey.
I realized motivation is not fleeting.
Motivation is with me, my own thoughts, the mere awareness.
I'm not asking you to change thoughts or challenge your
thoughts. Nothing.
Simply being aware that I am feeling bad today because I have
bad thoughts or unhelpful thoughts is a real freedom.
If you can get to that point to realize that Oh my God, today
I'm thinking this and hence I'm feeling rushed, hence I'm
feeling scared. That is a great liberation if
you can go to that level. And I'm glad I learned that
early in my journey in goal setting, that my own state of
mind influences the choices I make at every moment of my life.
That's the best learning in the last 21 years.
Well, that's really powerful, right?
I, I kind of like remember this quote, all men suffering comes
from their own thoughts, right? So I think again, like what you
mentioned, thoughts is really powerful, right?
Sometimes we all think external factor, maybe like simply they
think they couldn't achieve the goal because they are not
capable of doing it. But I think by simply changing
the thoughts, I mean, I said simply, but it's not so simple
by by changing your thoughts, actually you can actually kind
of like create more possible. I think the first thing is about
possibilities, right? And obviously after changing, I
thought you need to take actions and you know, create the habits
and all that and not to get this happened if you don't meet some
of the milestones of the goals. I think that's really important.
In your book, you also mentioned a few things that kind of like
sabotage our goal achievement. You mentioned about purpose, you
mentioned about time and you mentioned about belief.
So I can relate to those saboteurs, you know, in my goal
setting as well. So maybe share with us like how
can we actually deal effectively with these kind of saboteurs in
our goal setting? Let's start with number one
people. Usually when I work with people,
I ask them what are your intrinsic goals?
What do you really want to achieve in your life?
Not career because career is 1 dimension of your life.
There are so many other domains of your life.
When ask people, people don't have clear goals, they say I
don't know my purpose in life. This is actually because there
is no single purpose to life. It's difficult.
It's difficult to be that clear and say this is my purpose
because things change. You grow as an individual, your
your choices change, your experiences make you different.
And my recommendation to people, you can have multiple purposes
in your life, not just one. You can have so many life
purposes. Why do you want to stick to 1?
You can pursue multiple and see what is really good for you.
Some can be small, some can be big, some can be long term, some
can be short term. By just shifting this mindset
that it is not life's one big purpose.
Otherwise you will waste several months or years to find that
purpose. And when you find it, you
realize that you don't like that anymore, You like something else
instead. What do you really enjoy?
What are your values if you come back to that?
If your value is fitness, If your value is kindness, If your
value is discipline. Life embodied those values every
day. If you can bring those values to
life every day, you are always happy.
You're enjoying your life because you are living your
values, your virtues in action. That's how we address purpose
issue. The second one is sometimes when
say people say I don't have time, what I do with people is
we audit together how they are spending their time every day,
When do they wake up, how many times they check their phone,
how many hours on their phone, various apps.
We check that because sometimes people are not accountable to
themselves. They may keep ignoring their
habits of checking their phone or social media, but when they
are working with the coach there is more accountability.
You look at what's happening objectively and see where you
can get more time. Even 20 minutes a day can be
life changing. 20 minutes of personal development every day
on health, fitness, maybe sleeping better, being kind to
your family, writing something on the Internet, creating
something on the side, anything can be possible in 20 minutes a
day. We come back and say how do we
look at small blocks of time to create something meaningful over
a period of time. The other thing I explained to
my clients in this aspect is there are two words.
There are two words to describe how you approach your day.
You can be creative or you can be reactive.
They are anagrams of each other, the same 8 letters, but one is
you are creative. You are creating your routine
because you want to achieve something today.
The other one is you are reactive.
Everything around the world is making you react to things.
This is a big mind shift. When they learn about this, OK,
they can create the first 3 hours of their day as sacred so
that nobody else can inhale that time.
Do something creative, productive before they do
something reactive. That is how we address the time
management issue. And the last one is belief.
I touched upon this earlier in my own journey.
Beliefs are like think of this as a giant cable, a giant cable.
If you have visited San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge,
that is a giant cable. And that cable is made of maybe
thousands of wires, small wires, tiny wires.
Our beliefs are like a cable and individual wires are daily
thoughts. The more thoughts you have about
something, you believe that that is true for you as a person, as
an individual, or about this world or other people.
So we start questioning their beliefs about why do you believe
that this is not something you can do?
Whether it is public speaking or writing a good document, writing
your own newspaper, becoming a little more confident and
showing yourself fully in the world.
We discuss the beliefs that what do you think?
And most of the time they are childhood beliefs.
Maybe they tried something in their childhood, they failed as
a public speaker. It did not work out for them.
That has influenced how they think about themselves and many
other situations. Maybe they did not have a good
work culture, maybe not a good organization, maybe not a good
manager in the organization. We don't know what 1 experience
they take. They generalize their whole
life. I'm not good at people, I'm not
good with conflicts, I'm not good with writing documents.
So all these opinions they have about themselves, we start
questioning and peel them out. And the book also talks about a
lot of ways you can unpeel those and say, OK, what's happening
here? Why do you have those beliefs?
When you reflect on your past and say, how did I come to this
conclusion? You may get a higher level of
awareness. And then you realize I may be
wrong. These are not the real me.
The real me is something else. Now we address the purpose.
We address the time as well as the beliefs.
In the book. I give some insights.
That is good enough for the starting point.
But I also have a seven week course, by the way, on the same
concept, Beyond Your Limits. And I also want to own coaching.
Based on some of the ideas here, people can go a little deeper
with me as a guide and the practitioner working with them.
I think thanks for sharing these kind of like 3 different
saboteurs. I think everyone, I would say
everyone would be able to relate with this right?
Sometimes like we doesn't find meaning in our life or purpose,
right? Some people call it right or
maybe some also categorize that as a passion.
Like what is your passion? Sometimes we couldn't even
answer that. So I think finding the purpose
definitely important. And maybe what you mentioned is
like purposes. It's not just like one purpose,
one giant purpose that you pursue, but it could be multiple
purposes in multiple aspects of your life, right?
Don't forget like you have work, you have maybe family, you have
personal development, maybe your spirituality as well.
So I think purpose is definitely important.
Like also the part where you mentioned creative versus
reactive, I just realized that they are kind of like the same
words but different way. So I think sometimes, yeah, we
all get reactive in life. You know, whatever happens,
somebody asks us about something and we just follow them rather
than taking the initiative to do creative stuff that we like.
So coming back to the purpose, maybe we take time to actually
do those things rather than being reactive to others.
And I like the belief like always mention in any kind of a
self help book as well. So their belief is actually the
most important thing, right? And sometimes in many parts,
childhood belief, self limiting belief comes from bad experience
in the past, right? So I think unpeeling that, maybe
getting help by somebody to actually know about those things
will be very important. So you mentioned about the seven
step framework that you cover in one of your course.
Maybe if you can give a little bit of highlights for people to
kind of like understand what are these seven steps and maybe if
they like it, they maybe would like to sign up to your course
as well. So maybe what are those seven
steps? Yeah, absolutely.
All these seven steps, they came from my own experience in 21
years of goal achievement. And I am a fan of self help
books and relation development. I keep reading so many books.
All of these came from my experience and the combination
of research from various authors.
The first step in the seventh step framework is begin with the
end in mind. You can consider these as seven
mental models or seven layers, not necessarily steps, because
some steps you are already greeted, sometimes you are not.
So think of this as a level for your goal setting.
Begin with the end in mind, that is #1 which is you get clarity
on what you want to achieve. Second one is become accountable
because without accountability, I don't think we will achieve
our intrinsic goals. For extrinsic goals, you will
have your manager coming after you and saying OK, what's
happening with this project, but intrinsic goals, you are the one
who cares about it. That's why accountability from a
coach or a mentor or a family member is critical to make
progress on your intrinsic goals.
Step #3 is define milestones. A lot of personal development
goals, people drift away and stop pursuing just because they
don't have clear milestones. We all overestimate what we can
achieve in one year and we underestimate what we can
achieve in five years. This is extremely critical for
people to understand. If you can understand in the
next 5 years you can achieve great things and then define
smaller milestones, you will definitely achieve your goals as
opposed to stretching everything in 12 months and achieving more
in 12 months. Especially with personal goals.
4th step is taking one day at a time because each day you have
to create your routine, ritual routines and habits so that you
can execute on your goals. That's fourth step. 5th step is
bounce back. When there is a set back,
there's invariably there are setbacks.
You are pursuing the goal, something happens, you have to
come back and start again. But you plan it earlier and say
OK, I might step back. I'm travelling next month, I may
step off my workout routine, but how do I come back?
How do I bounce back? That is step #5 Step number six
is quitting strategically. There are some goals are not
worth pursuing because they aren't aligned.
It is not the right time. You've got other priorities and
there are conflicting goals. So you have to be mindful about
conflicting goals and always say goodbye to some goals may not be
the right time. You may come back later.
So happily, you can say goodbye to some goals.
That is the level #6 which is quit strategically.
Number 7 and the most critical one is enjoy the journey.
It's not the destination. You have to enjoy the process
every day of climbing the mountain.
The summit is not your goal. The experience of climbing is
actually your goal. You become better.
You become a better person, better individual.
You grow in all dimensions of your personality.
So I think definitely you mentioned one aspect that I like
to cover, right? So you mentioned sometimes
intrinsic goal is kind of like more difficult.
I mean, we all have external goals, right?
Be it in our work, be it maybe with your family and
responsibilities and things like that.
But sometimes the intrinsic what definitely is more difficult.
Take for example, you know, losing weight or doing more
exercise or sleep more. I think these are some of the
challenges that people are struggling with at the moment.
You mentioned something about creating milestones and habit as
well. So maybe I want to cover a
little bit. How do you actually effectively
come up with the milestones? Because sometimes milestone, if
it's too easy, maybe it's not meaningful.
Some people think if it's too big, also sometimes very
difficult to achieve. And because of that, people kind
of like lose motivation. So how do you actually create
these milestones and habits for us to actually achieve the
goals? See, we all have our own way of
dealing with commitments. We have to be aware of how do we
respond to internal commitments. There are external commitments
and internal commitments. Most of us are great at external
commitments because we know there are impact of not doing
it. There are consequences.
But for internal commitments, we have to find smartly what's the
best way. For example, you could join the
community of people who are losing weight or running a
marathon together. Most likely if we join a
community, you will join them every weekend for a long run.
So for many of my clients, this trick works because they are not
accountable to a community. There is energy in the
community. It's called goal contagion.
It is a psychological word called goal contagion.
It's like contagious. So the moment you're part of a
group, you tend to follow them because you don't want to upset
them. You don't want to feel
disrespected because OK, everybody else is doing.
But I am not committed to my team.
So if you are somebody who needs that, join the community or the
other option is you work with the coach.
Because sometimes when you work with the coach for three or six
months, there are some great habits you can develop.
But there it is nutritional coach or fitness coach or
running coach or weight loss coach.
There is a lot of options available these days.
Take advantage of that coaching aspect to hire somebody, pay
them and you know, be accountable to the change.
And lastly, I would say you have to come back to this thought
awareness. Think of this, how is that some
days I am motivated and you are motivated and some days you are
not motivated. What's happening?
It's the same Henry, it's the same promoter.
Everything else is the same. The world is the same but my
state of mind is not the same day by day.
And the more awareness you bring to this mindset and say what am
I thinking today? How am I feeling?
You will get more clarity on why do you ignore workouts on some
days and you would realize that it's all your thought based
reality. You are reacting to your
thoughts and hence you're feeling some way and hence
you're making some choices. I gave you some tips but I would
say find a coach who can help you any area of your life,
fitness, nutrition, health. I don't think people need
technology coaches these days. They need something else these
days. It's our technology.
I hope that answered your question.
Yep. So definitely, so accountability
definitely very, very powerful, right.
If kind of like you find it difficult to find self
motivation, accountability, I think I would also suggest right
for people, be it you know, with your family members, friends,
close friends or it could be you know, community or other things
that are more public, right. So I think accountability
sometimes, yeah, like what you mentioned, right, If we are part
of a group or we are accountable to other people, we tend to
follow along and kind of like meet those commitments.
So thanks for sharing that maybe I know that this is difficult.
Apart out of those 52 goals that you mentioned, what do you think
are your biggest achievements in those goals?
Yeah, if you personally ask me, everything is a big achievement
because there were so many limits I had met myself and all
of these goals were beyond my limits and hence the title
Beyond your limits to inspire people.
But if you were to pick, there are a couple of goals I will
tell you. One is I ran a marathon in under
4 hours. Now if you look at my
background, I was about 92 kilos in 2003 and I lost about 50 lbs
by 2019. So I became 67 KGS from 92 KGS
and I ran a full marathon about 42 kilometers or 26 miles in
less than 4 hours. And to me the transformation
from somebody who was overweight, obese and not
enjoyed any physical activity. I was like a couch potato
sitting and just coding on my computer and watching things.
I never enjoyed physical workout from that in 20 years.
Changing to somebody who is a marathoner, who can call myself
as a marathoner, has been transformational.
That is one. The second goal I'm really proud
about is publishing a book. Like I said in the beginning,
English is my third language. I learned the absolute English
from A-Z in fifth grade at age 11 and only in probably in my
graduation. I spoke in front of people for
15 minutes in English. Before all of that, I never
spoke in English. I I was writing good English, by
the way. My written English was great,
but I wasn't used to communicating, conversing in
English. And from there coming all the
way to the US and then publishing a book in America.
I think I'm really proud it is doing a number four on Amazon
two weeks ago. It keeps changing of course,
based on the book sale, but last week it was on #4 in the new age
self help category. Somebody who studied English at
age 11. I have come a long way to
publish their best selling book. I'm really proud and content.
Very beautiful achievements, right?
So thanks for sharing that, by the way.
So I think for people, definitely these two things,
probably most of the goals that people aspire to achieve as
well, you know, like be a marathoners, right?
Be more fit in terms of physical activities and under 4 hours, I
would say that is really, really fast.
So I think from someone who is kind of like overweight to
becoming like a fast runner, I think definitely that's a great
transformation. And publishing a book, I think
it's also maybe many people's dream, right?
I think the story here that you mentioned means that it's
something achievable, even though maybe you think it's too
far fetched, but it's actually definitely very possible,
especially if you can kind of like come up with the goals and
actions, actually achieve those things.
So Pramoda, I really enjoyed this conversation.
Before I let you go, I have one last question that I would like
to ask you. I call this the three technical
leadership wisdom, but it could be any leadership wisdom as
well. You can think of them just like
an advice that you want to give to us.
Maybe if you can share your version to us, I think that
would be great. Absolutely.
In fact, I watched a few previous episodes.
I think about 3 episodes toward the end, I listened to what
people said in the interview. So I want to be radically
different and give you 3 different answers.
One of them may be common from other people, but two of them
are unique. Now one is.
Regardless of who is listening to this episode, please discover
and pursue and prioritize your intrinsic goals.
Nobody else will come chasing to list intrinsic goals for your
life and achieve them. You need to take ownership and
leadership on that number 2. Regardless if you have
background, please focus on improving your communication,
storytelling, and writing skills.
Writing involves long form writing, short form writing, as
well as building presentations. These are crucial for whatever
you do in your life. Whether you become an
entrepreneur in the future or something CTO or CEO doesn't
matter. These are critical skills in
your repertoire. Please add them to your skill
set #3 please develop your thought awareness because
momentum moment, we are always thinking.
Those thoughts are influencing your feelings and your feelings
are influencing your actions and behaviors and choices you are
making. Most of us think that I'm
dealing today because of the outside world.
It's always inside. Your thoughts are creating your
feeling. If you can develop this one
awareness, this can be significantly different in your
life. How you can show up because you
are the creator of your feelings.
The environment is influencing you with what's happening around
you, but how do you respond is within you your own thoughts,
which triggers feelings, which triggers behaviors.
So to summarize again, discover your intrinsic goals, pursue
them with passion, improve your communication skills,
storytelling, writing skills, and then develop awareness of
your own thought and how you are responding to your thoughts and
the world around you through thoughts.
Those are my three bits of advice.
Amazing stuff. So I think that's really
beautiful, right? So thank you so much for sharing
those things. Again, if you haven't taken the
gist of it right, like self-awareness, your thoughts,
it's been mentioned a couple of times in our conversation.
So for listeners, I think again, like work on your self beliefs,
your thoughts, right, and mindset.
I think these are definitely the levers for you to actually
improve much more things in your life.
So Pramoda, if people would like to connect with you or maybe
find your books or your coaching, is there a place where
they can find you online? Just three places you can go to
LinkedIn and find me on LinkedIn my name.
I post a useful content on leadership, personal growth and
goal setting every day. Actually, one day to Sunday you
can find something useful. Every day you can follow me.
You can find my book on Amazon. It is available in all formats,
digital, paperback, hardcover, and audio book.
If you have a Spotify membership, my book is also
available as an audio book in Spotify #3 you can go to my
website Chain Smith dot me. Jane Smith is one word dot ME
slash courses. You can see my courses all of
these things I talked about communication engineering,
storytelling and building great slides.
They are available as digital courses and a lot of engineers
love the course for engineers and managers because it has
practical lessons from my experience in 20 years and all
of them in less than two or three hours of training like
bite size training for various aspects.
So you will enjoy invest your time and effort in developing
these skills. Thank you for sharing this.
I will put all of them in the show notes as well.
So I think thank you so much for this conversation, Pramoda.
I hope people kind of like understand, you know, some
things about communications and some things about goal setting
and kind of like achieve something beyond their limits.
So thank you so much for this. Thank you, I really enjoyed the
conversation.