It gives me great honour and privilege to welcome her sister
Kirsten to our church this evening, not only to minister to
us in song, but to come and share a word of personal
testimony. And we thank God for her and we
pray that the Lord helps her this evening as she speaks to
us. Thank you, Kirsten.
Just want to thank the Reverend McLaughlin for his kind
invitation to come along tonight.
I feel like he got 2 for one there because sometimes they'd
go places and a sing and sometimes they speak.
But he was telling me that he was getting both out of me
tonight. So if you have your Bible with
you, I just want to read a couple of verses with you in
Daniel chapter 3. Daniel chapter 3.
And we're going to read from verses 14 down to 18, please.
Daniel chapter 3, verse 14 Nebuchadnezzar speak and said
unto them, Is it true? O Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abednego, do not you serve my gods, nor worship the golden
image which I have set up. Now, if you be ready that at
what time you hear the sound of the cornet, flute, harp,
sackfoot, sultry and dulcimer, and all kinds of music, you fall
down and worship the image which I have made well.
But if you worship not, you shall be cast the same hour into
the midst of a burning fiery furnace.
And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, O
Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this
matter. If it be so, our God whom we
serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and
he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not
serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou has set
up. Let's just pray before share my
story. Father, we thank you for this
opportunity even to be found in your house tonight.
Lord, I just pray you would now presence yourself with us.
Lord, thank you for what has already gone before.
Lord, would you still our hearts?
Would you even settle my nerves? And Lord, may tonight there be
someone, Lord, that needs to hear this word.
Not just my story, Lord, but see you in that story, Lord.
May it be a word of encouragement for some or even a
word of challenge for others. And Lord, for those may be out
of Christ, Lord, that that still small voice would even speak to
them. We ask these things in Jesus
name, Amen. The passage or the few verses
that I've read to you are familiar, I would imagine, to
nearly everyone. We read of this golden image
that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up, really wanting to glorify
his own greatness and his reign, and a proclamation was given
out. When you hear the music played,
you are to fall down and worship the golden image, and whoever
doesn't do that will immediately be cast into the midst of a
blazing fire. It wasn't a choice, it wasn't
optional. It was a command issued to all
the people. And it's in this place that we
meet these three young Hebrew men who are forced to make a
decision, buy or burn. And you know, sometimes when we
have heard this story over and over again, even from childhood,
we don't think about it in the context of what would it have
been like to be there to be faced with that decision.
You know, sometimes we think of our own lives and stand as
stand. Maybe that would take for
something. And how sure we are of wanting
to stand on God's Word and how easy sometimes it can be to be
the person that says, I'm just not saying anything in this
moment. And yet look at the example that
these three men are. They've been captured and
brought to Babylon as slaves and yet had risen to the ranks of
government. And as Jews, they knew that they
could not worship this golden image.
When reported for their refusal, they were given another chance.
If you look again at verse 15, it says, But if you worship not,
you shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning
fiery furnace. And who is that God that shall
deliver you out of my hands? You know, often that's a
question that those who are unsaved ask when they see
Christians try to trust the details of their lives to a
sovereign God. That in the midst of chaos or
loss or tragedy, people say, you're really going to trust God
in this. That same question that
Nebuchadnezzar asks of them, Who is that God that shall deliver
you out of my hands? You know, when we can't change
the things that are happening in our lives, when we can't change
our circumstances, the only thing we can control is our
attitude. And so, when faced with that
ultimatum by Nebuchadnezzar, this was the response of
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in verses 17 and 18.
If it be so, our God, whom we serve, is able to deliver us
from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of
thy hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto
thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the
golden image that thou has set up.
What an example these three Hebrew men are.
And for me it's about this faith found in that verse 18, where it
says. But if not, see, as I think
tonight about my own journey with the Lord, I think about
those 3 words about that type of faith that says.
But if not, we know that God is all powerful.
We know everything that He can do.
But what if He doesn't answer in the way you want them to?
What if your life doesn't look the way you thought it would
when you started out on the journey?
And you know, if you're a Christian tonight, you'll know
that just being a Christian doesn't mean that your life's
going to fit very neatly into a tidy little box.
It's a journey with God through the valleys and the mountains.
And for me, as I look at God's hand in my life and as I trace
his faithfulness in my life, I see as well how it has been a
story of stealing my song back from the enemy.
And what I mean by that is, and I'll talk about this after, but
being saved as a child, the enemy knows he cannot have me.
And yet he does everything that he can to make us powerless and
useless and purposeless. He doesn't want us to live
victorious Christian lives. And so as I trace God's hand in
my life, I can see that right from birth God had his hand on
me. And yet I can see how the enemy
tried to steal my song. I was born into a Christian home
two weeks earlier than than expected and at six weeks old I
contracted pneumonia and was sent to the Royal Victoria
Hospital. And at one point my mum and dad
and my older siblings were told that they should come to say
their goodbyes, that I wasn't going to survive the night.
And yet, confounding the doctors and nurses, I did.
And you know, as an adult, I look at that and I can trace
God's hand in that. How is it that someone with
pneumonia as a child, very ill and issues with their lungs can
belt out songs the way I can? And some of that might be doing
my weight on the belly that I have more than my lungs.
But I just look at that and say that's God's grace in my life,
that even at that young age, the enemy was seeking to steal my
song. I grew up on our family dairy
farm. I don't really know if you would
class out here. Looks like the countryside.
I don't know if you class carried off as the town or the
country. Country people.
OK well then you'll understand. Growing up on a family dairy
farm in South Armagh, 4 girls and then finally a boy.
Now my dad always says it didn't matter to him, he didn't mind
when the girls kept coming because honestly he treated us
like we fellas, the amount of work that he made us do.
But our childhood revolved around family, farming and faith
and going church. Going to church as a family was
something we always did, regardless of what was needing
to be done on the farm. And so from as far back as I can
remember, I knew that the Bible teaches I was born with sin in
my heart and that that sin separated me from God.
I was taught faithfully that Jesus had shed his blood and
Calvary for my sins so that I could be reconciled back to God.
And after our children's meeting at the age of 6, the conviction
of that sin moved me to trust Christ for salvation with my dad
and my bedside. Now, I didn't have any great
knowledge of the Bible or of doctrine or theology, but it
understood this even as a child of six.
If I ever wanted to be found in heaven, I could not go there as
a Sinner and I had to accept God's free gift of salvation for
me so that one day I could have the assurance that I would know
where I was going. And I have no doubt that night.
I know some people, if you're, if you're not a Christian or
you're not from a Christian background, sometimes people
think that's so strange. A six year old could know.
And yet I've never doubted that in the last 30 plus years, you
know, from that early age. And as I've journeyed this road
with them, I believe the Lord put a burden in my heart for
others. And I started off with the
person that I thought would be best to work my evangelism
skills on, and that was my younger sister.
And I don't know that my methods were always biblical.
I mostly tried to scare her into salvation, but I know that the
Lord had put that on my heart for those in my family outside
of Christ and even for my friends at school.
And when I look at my childhood, I I can look at that and see a
very happy childhood, one that had filled with hard work that
helped to develop resilience and a work ethic.
But for me personally, what it really developed was I need to
get an education so I don't have to stay here covered in cow dung
for the rest of my life. That was the most important
thing to me. Some of my siblings loved
farming. That wasn't me, but building our
lives around those things, around family and farming and
faith created a very strong bond between us as siblings.
A lady at church once asked my mum what would she like us to be
when we grew up. There are five of us and between
the four sisters over 2 1/2 years, and then between my
youngest sister and my brother, six years.
And so at church they would say we looked like steps and stairs
sitting in the Pew. And my mum said, I don't care
what they do, I would love them just to be best friends.
And you know, I think after years of growing up together and
all the things that siblings do and all the fighting that
happens as well, that's what we got, a very happy childhood.
But you know, it should be sort of no deterrent.
It's something that I think about as well that my parents
didn't always get everything right, even as Christians.
And don't worry, I've told them that too.
It's not a surprise to them because sometimes growing up,
Christianity felt like a list of know this and know that.
And it felt like it was about following a set of rules.
And for a rule follower like me, I was actually OK with that.
Rules kept you safe. But actually sometimes it gives
us a false understanding of who God is.
Like if I follow the rules everything will be OK rather
than it's all about my relationship with Christ.
And in this journey for me it's been learning that just
following the rules will not give you a close walk with God.
It doesn't spare you trials and temptations, but rather it's
about seeking to know Him more and wanting to walk in intimate
fellowship with Him. We had a great youth fellowship
in Miller Glass growing up, and so I didn't find my teams
difficult to to live for the Lord.
The youth fellowship was great with great opportunities for
outrage and to go away together and to always be in Christian
company. And I feel like even in my
teenage years, all the the friends that I had, even those
outside of Christ, it wasn't difficult for me to stand up for
my faith and who I was in Christ because of that influence of the
church and of youth fellowship. And I look at those teenage
years and I see that they were very formative in laying the
roots of my faith, roots that would eventually withstand the
storms. And while I didn't know it then,
God was pouring in, preparing my heart and grounding me in His
word. At 18 I went to Queens in
Belfast to study English and history, wanting to be a
teacher, and my life was progressing on merrily.
I was involved in everything there was to be involved in, in
church, singing, speaking, a leader youth fellowship, a
Sunday school teacher, a children's meeting worker.
And then I qualified as an English teacher, and I've done
that for the last 15 years. And at 24 I got married.
And I suppose I had huge hopes of what our life might look like
as we served God together. And I certainly had dreams for
what my life would look like, of dreams of having children and
building a life together and being able to serve together.
But by 28, the marriage had broken down, and at 30, I was
divorced. And, you know, I can shy away
from that part of the story sometimes when I'm coming to
tell my story. I think, is there any other way
I could say that without saying it and leave it out?
And yet the reality is that is part of my story.
And, you know, the more churches I have gone around, the more I
see it's a part of a whole lot of people's story.
And maybe not you directly, but maybe some family member, maybe
somebody struggling with that pain.
And it's a hard road. And I think sometimes it's hard
because we don't know what to say.
There's still some stigma with it.
And obviously that's not what anybody wants for their life.
And yet when it happens, how as a church do we respond?
You know, having been someone who was good at following the
rules all my life, I struggled then with the questions, well,
how has this happened to me? How could my life just fall
apart at the seams? You know, my own family and my
church family have been so good to me.
And yet you carry the shame and the hurt of these things.
And regardless of what happens, obviously we don't advocate
divorce, but we realise that not everything is always restored.
And I remember having a conversation with my
brother-in-law, some of you might know him, the the Reverend
Simon Anderson, and he was dating my sister Lindsay from
they were at school, so he had been round our house for a long
time. He's like an older brother to
me. And I told him at that time I
felt like I had no more purpose. I said, I don't feel like, you
know, that's something I can. I Can't Sing.
I can't be speaking. I said, even growing up in this
church, how would I ever be able to have opportunities to do
anything again? Maybe it would be better if I
went somewhere else, you know? And he said to me, you know, if
there's no place in the church for you, there's no place for
any of us, We might as well just shut the doors now and go on
home. And I can't tell you the
encouragement that was to me then for him to see that because
I felt like I don't have a right to do any of those things
anymore. My life has all crumbled down
and I'm left with all these broken pieces.
And yet, even in that moment, him speaking that truth into my
life to say that's what church is supposed to be.
It's a place for broken people. And you know, I did struggle
with the losses, a loss of what I thought were my dreams for my
life or my future, a loss of trust, a loss of ministry.
And certainly at that time I found it very difficult to sing,
couldn't sing without crying and could see in it how the enemy,
even in that, had stolen my song.
And a friend from church had recommended to me, why don't you
go to speak to a Christian councillor?
And she found the number and she was getting everything sorted
for me to go to speak to this Christian councillor and my
councillor, Maggie, who's actually here with me tonight,
She's comes with me sometimes when I'm going places to speak
or sing. She shared with me a devotional
from the word for today, that day.
And she didn't know all of the insurance and outs of my
ministry, the things that I'd been involved in before and how
even I'd lost all of that. And she shared this devotional
with me and a part of it it read.
You will once again sing the song of the overcomer.
Well, you know, in that season, I wasn't ready for that.
I, I couldn't see how I could ever be able to to sing.
And yet I closely and quietly held that promise until God came
through. And you'll go and open doors of
opportunity for me. Different things to be involved
in. For 10 years now, every summer,
because obviously I was working as a teacher, I would go and
volunteer at an American Christian camp.
And then he opened the door for me to be able to complete a
diploma in Christian counselling and then move into actually more
biblical counselling, which is what I do now.
And you know, God has been so faithful to me in the midst of
that all, giving me back my song.
And in the midst of all of that, I've I've struggled with my
health. In September 2022, I had to have
a hysterectomy. And so at 36, I'm left with that
decision of it. This is the options surgery or
surgery. And so for me, it was more loss
to endure. And that loss comes from back to
the things that you think you might have in your life or being
able to have a family one day and knowing that that wasn't
something that was going to be possible.
And yet even in that, the Lord proved himself faithful to me
because my quality of life improved dramatically since
being able to have the surgery. And what would say to you in
that? I don't know what struggles
you're sitting here with. Maybe you're one of those people
that you you actually don't have any.
But I'd be brilliant. But I really would doubt that.
Maybe it's relationship struggles.
Maybe it's somebody in your family that's hurting.
Maybe it's to do with your health.
And you know, when you're in the middle of it, it's so hard
sometimes to be able to hear from God.
And often it's on the other side that you trace his faithfulness,
that with hindsight, you can see exactly what he was doing.
And so I would encourage you that if you're in the middle of
a trial, keep holding on. But back in May 2023, I was out
speaking at a ladies meeting and just as I was about to go out
the door, the man who's the director of the camp, the
Christian Camp in America in, in Philadelphia, he contacted me to
say there's a full time ministry position at camp working with
children and young people. And I was just wondering, would
you powerfully consider thinking about this position?
Well, even before I'd put my foot out through the door to go
to the ladies meeting, my reaction was, no way, I'm not
interested in going to America. And I was thinking about all the
things that the Lord had restored over the years,
singing, counselling, speaking, my teaching job.
And I was thinking, I have no desire to go whatsoever.
But you know what? On the way home and I can
remember exactly where I was on the road after challenging those
women. About their walk with the Lord.
I was really convicted, you hypocrite.
You're telling all those women to go through with God and here
this has been presented to you and you're not willing to
consider it. And so began a very convicting
journey for me. I got no peace until I was
willing to put all on the altar for Christ.
Scripture after scripture, conviction, restlessness, and
wrestling with God. And by the end of June, I had
talked to my principal at school and told him that I felt the
Lord was calling me out of teaching into his work.
And I didn't know if it was America or not, and I prayed.
Lord, shut the door to America if that's not right.
But I do believe you have a call on my life.
And that was the place that I was in in June 2023.
And honestly, I thought I was doing big things.
I was thinking like, I'm really stepping out of my comfort zone
here, giving up my teaching job and my career and a good
pension, all the things that come with that.
And in this place of sacrifice and surrender.
And it seemed like a difficult place to be in, stepping out
into the unknown. And yet I had a peace that this
was God's doing. And so on the back of that, I
really wasn't prepared for what was to come because at the end
of July, I was in America on holidays when I received a phone
call. I was driving down a highway to
going towards Virginia when my sister Judith's friend phoned to
say that there'd been an accident.
And she said there's been an accident and I don't have anyone
else from your house or your family's number, only yours.
And she said could you phone your mum and dad to tell them
that Judith has has been in an accident?
And So what seemed like for miles trying to get off those
big highways, I don't know if you've ever been in America
before, but trying to find somewhere to get off seemed like
forever until we got pulled off the road and I phoned to tell my
dad that my sister had been in an accident And he, he said, OK,
well I'm just eating my tea here, I'll go and get her.
Now. Thinking that he was just going
to gather her and her motorbike up, he went out to put the
trailer on the back of the Jeep. My brother went with him and
then my mum phoned a couple of minutes later.
I don't remember this but obviously I was upset when I was
phoning him and she phoned to say, oh don't be worrying your
dad and Robert, they're way now to gather up, to get the bike
and gather up. And then I said to her, no, I
think you need to go too because her friend had said to me
they're administering CPR at the scene.
And you know, then I just had to sit there and wait with my
friend. As time went on.
I knew that my mum, as soon as she got there, if Judith had
been OK, she would have phoned to say she's all right, go you
on about your holiday, Don't you be worrying.
All's good here. And when that phone call didn't
come, I knew it wasn't good. And you know there was no big
long, eloquent prayer. It came down to 2 words.
Please Lord, that's all I prayed sitting on that road for what
must have been just over an hour.
I'd love to be able to say I prayed your will be done Lord,
but I didn't. I wanted my will.
You see, these are the but if not moments of our lives.
God didn't answer the way that I wanted.
And you know what happens then when you've been plunged into a
pain like that, a pain that I had escaped for 37 years?
I'm left with the question, can I still trust Him?
You know, whenever my brother phoned to tell me that my sister
Judith hadn't made it, I drove 5 hours to the nearest airport to
get home. And in that moment now again
with hindsight, when I look back, I think, wow, imagine how
the Lord actually had his hand on me in all of that because my
friend couldn't. The rental car, I was the only
one that could drive and we had to get back, obviously by a
certain time. And to be able to make that
journey in that despair, I can trace God's hand on it and God's
people praying for me. And during that playing journey
home, I was distraught. But here's the other thing that
I was thinking. Lord, you've just called me out
of my teaching job. What am I going to do now?
I can't go to America. I'm never leaving my family ever
again. And these are the honest
questions that sometimes we'll have for the Lord.
What are you doing? I don't understand this, Lord.
You see, in all of the losses, any other loss that I ever
suffered personally paled in the insignificance compared to this
one at the loss of my sibling, 2 1/2 years younger than me, but
always the leader and somebody that I holidayed with and we did
a lot of things together. And you're left grappling in
that grief and loss is dark and hard.
But you know, for me, I take great comfort in knowing where
she is and that one day I'll meet her again.
The truth is, I'm not sad for her.
I'm sad for myself and for my family.
You know, in the days leading up to her funeral, my mind was in
torment. I didn't bring this up to
obviously to anybody else in my family, but my mind was in
torment thinking why has God called me out of teaching at the
end of June when he knew this was going to happen?
That's the question that I was grappling with even as her
funeral was approaching. And again, Simon, my
brother-in-law, he took me aside after the funeral and he said, I
know you're probably in torment about going to America and about
the call of God. That's on your life, he said,
but there is a calling on your life and it's evident.
Don't let the enemy keep you from God's best.
And you know, I went back to work in September, had a couple
of months to fill. And sometimes my principal will
come to me and say, do you want to just forget about all this?
So do you want to just RIP up the paper that says you're
going? And I would have loved to said,
yes, I would just love to do that.
But here's the thing. My circumstances had changed,
but God's word to me hadn't changed.
And so I knew that it was his will that I would have to go.
And now I can look on that. I was there for just short of
two years. The Lord had given me a word in
numbers 32 where it said, if you will do this thing afterward, ye
shall return. And I can see how the Lord even
used it for a place for me to process my grief, to be able to
give my parents space to process their grief.
I probably would have tried to think I would be a great help to
them. I would have to carry them.
And yet you know yourself, if you've ever been there,
Everybody has to process it themselves at their own pace and
their own time. And I can look back and see how
God was equipping me for what I'm doing now.
I'm now working with Foundation Ministries, biblical counselling
organisation in our MA, teaching a biblical counselling course
and then counselling lots of different people.
And you know, the thing that's maybe surprising to people here
is I would say probably just over half of the people that
come to us are Free Presbyterians.
And I think maybe somewhere in it all we're getting better at
realising it's OK to talk. You see, the answer is still
this book. The answer is still your
relationship with the Lord. But some people are struggling
and their question is, well, how can you help me?
Can you show me from this book how the Lord can meet me in this
thing that I'm struggling with and how He can help me?
You know, this past or last summer at camp, there was a
young girl who was working there for the summer called Hannah.
And one night as I was dropping off others, if she'd come over
to the car and I could see that she was a little bit tearful.
And I put the window down to talk to her.
And just as I went to say hello, she turned on her heels and
walked off. And I thought I'd better go and
check. Is she OK?
And so I got out of the car and followed her.
And I said, dear, are you OK? And she turned round and she
said, aren't you mad at him? And I was genuinely confused.
And I said, mad at who? And she said, God, he let your
sister die. I don't get how you can be out
here serving the Lord and telling us about Jesus and
salvation and being happy when he let your sister die.
You know, I wasn't expecting anybody to say that.
I'm definitely not an 18 year old.
And I started to cry. See, I hadn't even been talking
about Judith the Camping, but she knew from the previous two
years about what had happened. And you know, it was a great
opportunity to be able to speak to her, but also for me to
process my own heart. And I said to her, no, Hannah,
I'm not mad at God. God didn't make my sister get on
a motorbike. Her days here on earth were
allotted to her and I know where she is.
I have unanswered questions and I miss her every day.
But no, I'm not mad at God. You see, how could I grow up in
a Christian home, know from a child that I was saved, and go
through all these trials and the ups and downs of life and then
turn around and say I don't trust God even in the worst of
circumstances? How could I then blame Him?
Her death is as a result of our fallen world and her death made
me face this reality. Do you really believe even now?
You know I tell you that something as Christians that we
all must answer because we all face loss and hardship,
difficult seasons of our lives. Can He be trusted with it all?
You know, Can we honestly say that we trust Him in it all, or
to only do that with the parts we give Him access to?
You know, it's an important question to consider.
The older I get, the more convinced I am that the greatest
achievement any of us can have in this Christian journey is to
be resolute about going through with God.
Like those 3 Hebrews, It's a battle.
It's not easy. Plain Salem, being a Christian.
It is a battle between faith and fear.
When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego took their stand, they
faced the King's wrath. The furnace was to be heeded 7
times hotter they were to be cast in bound.
So hot was the fire that the soldiers who took them up
perished, and so fully clothed and bound, these three men fell
to their apparent deaths. And then comes the question, did
not we cast three men into the midst of the fire?
Low? I see four men loose walking in
the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt.
When they were removed from the furnace, it was noted that the
fire had no effect on their bodies, nor was their hair
sinned, their clothes burned, nor even the smell of fire upon
them. God had delivered them in the
very worst of circumstances. These men knew God's presence
with them in the fire. They faced the trial Christ was
with the minute. You know their obedience in that
trial changed the King's heart. Do you really think that would
have been possible if they had dropped on the first note of
music to bow down to that golden image?
Their obedience was rewarded with the change in the King's
heart. You know, in light of my sister
Judith's death at 35, I'm reminded that it is only what is
done for eternity that matters in the end.
I remember as teenagers, I can't remember who it was, but
somebody came to speak at our youth Fellowship and Miller
Glass, and they were talking about how depending on what age
you were then, you, you know, you might already have lived
half your life. Well, I never for a minute
thought that at 17 1/2 my sister had already lived half of her
life. And so when you consider those
things, you realise how fleeting life really is.
That's what death teaches us. Our days are numbered.
And you know, sometimes I think about how I didn't know that any
of the things I was doing with Judith all through May and June
and even into July of, of 2023 would be my last.
And you know, you've got to consider that if you're not a
Christian tonight, what if it was you?
What if you just had your last weekend or your last Sunday
dinner, or more importantly, your last opportunity to get
right with the Lord? Are you ready?
If I could encourage you to do one thing tonight, it would be
to give your life over to Him and to go through with God.
You know, that's a statement that you can apply to your
heart, whether you're a believer, A backslider, or
someone who has never come to know Christ as your own
impersonal saviour. Are you going through with God?
What is it that gets us through our lives?
It's making the decision to go through with God, trusting them
for salvation firstly, and then clinging to Him even on and
especially on the hard days. It's ultimately being able to
say with those three Hebrew men, our God whom we serve is able to
deliver us, but if not, be it known on to the O King, that we
will not serve any other. Amen.
Could I thank you so much, Kirsten, for this ministry
tonight.