1 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,400 Welcome to the New Manager Podcast. 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:16,360 I'm your host, Kim Nickel. Hello and welcome. 3 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,200 I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. 4 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:24,160 This morning was a very beautiful sunny day, and I went 5 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,240 to one of my favorite weekend spots. 6 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:32,720 It's called Devil's Teeth Bakery, and it is so named 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:38,400 because there are some very jagged rocks off the coast and 8 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,560 you know, they're kind of familiarly known as the Devil's 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,240 Teeth. So this is the Devil's Teeth 10 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,560 Bakery. It's near the ocean and they 11 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,640 make this delicious breakfast sandwich. 12 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:55,320 It is a biscuit and for my listeners who are in the uki 13 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,040 mean like an American style biscuit. 14 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:03,400 So it's not sweet, it's not crunchy, it's soft and fluffy 15 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,840 and a little salty. It's like a buttermilk biscuit 16 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,800 kind of biscuit. And then inside there is cheese 17 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:17,600 and scrambled eggs and bacon. And it is delicious, which is 18 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,080 often why when I go there is a line. 19 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,200 So I'm waiting in this line. I'm waiting very happily because 20 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,280 I know that this is, you know, just part of the process, part 21 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:31,040 of the experience of getting my delicious breakfast sandwich. 22 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,600 And I'm noticing some of the folks, you know, also in line 23 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,680 and also waiting for their for their food. 24 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:44,720 And I see this little kid, she's probably about four, and she's 25 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:50,400 like joyful and jumping around And her adult, which I'm 26 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,680 guessing is her mom, but honestly, I don't know. 27 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,480 But the adult who's with her who let's just for the sake of the 28 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,560 story, assume it's her mom. Her mom is in line. 29 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,040 And so her mom cannot, you know, kind of run around and play with 30 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,240 her. Her mom is trying to stay 31 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,759 focused on, you know, we can be excited and we have to stay 32 00:02:08,759 --> 00:02:10,639 here. We can't go run off. 33 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,840 We can't, you know, run into the street. 34 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,920 We have to stay close, and I'm watching this exchange as the 35 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:23,960 mom is trying to kind of shape the direction of where her kid 36 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,960 is. But doing it in a way that, 37 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,600 number one, doesn't escalate any kind of conflict. 38 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:34,000 And it's it's one of those things where as an adult, you 39 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,560 can kind of observe there's a little impatience. 40 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:40,120 You know, it's still early and mom probably just wants to get 41 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,880 her breakfast sandwich and sit down and she's trying to keep an 42 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,560 eye on the kid. And the kid is excited and, you 43 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,320 know, not a huge sense of awareness of the world as we are 44 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,960 when we're kids. We just like to run around and 45 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,600 play. And I'm watching this dynamic 46 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,920 and the mom does something that was, I thought was so great. 47 00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,240 She actually did a couple of things. 48 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,520 One is, as you know, she sees her, you know, the kids starting 49 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,840 to run a little bit further. You know, she calls her by name 50 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,880 and she's like, hey, you know, come on back here. 51 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,440 And the kid, she doesn't, she's still kind of, you know, hi, I'm 52 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:18,680 playing. And then the mom says I'm going 53 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,280 inside, right? Because the line was starting to 54 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,000 move. The mom says, I'm going inside 55 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:29,680 and you're coming with me. And the kid is still kind of 56 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,480 playing. And the mom says, I need you to 57 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:37,320 use your body, come inside with me. 58 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,520 And she. Then she starts to give her a 59 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:44,800 countdown and the combination of these messages, the kid kind of, 60 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,840 you know, she doesn't like settle, but she kind of 61 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,920 refocuses, redirects, and she's still joyful. 62 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:56,160 She still has all this energy, but instead of being kind of 63 00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:00,080 just, you know, out and playing and like, oh, like we're 64 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,040 outside, instead she kind of gathers her energy, directs it 65 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:09,520 back towards Mom, and they go, you know, inside the bakery to 66 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,600 order their food. And I really love this because 67 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:18,920 it had me thinking of the importance of giving clear 68 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:26,600 direction and how we can do that in a way that doesn't create or 69 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:31,760 escalate conflict. And this is one of those skills 70 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:38,520 that my guess is you have it already in different situations. 71 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,760 Like this is a human relationship skill. 72 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,800 This is a a human commissions communication skill that you 73 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,800 have probably observed and absorbed without even realizing 74 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,760 it. Especially if you have kids or 75 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,000 if you are like me and you do not have children of your own, 76 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,560 but you are, you know, a beloved auntie or a beloved uncle. 77 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,600 And you have this really interesting relationship with 78 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,120 kids where as the adults in charge, sometimes you're giving 79 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,080 direction, but the relationship is different than if you are a 80 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,360 parent. And I mentioned this because 81 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,520 when we're talking about leadership, we're talking about 82 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:23,440 managing people. There's an element where when 83 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:28,800 you recognize that part of the job of doing it well is giving 84 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:35,080 clear direction that you can be directive, that you can be 85 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:41,760 direct in a way that is still collaborative, in a way that is 86 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:49,240 still kind, in a way that is still clear and doesn't smush 87 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:53,800 the other person's enthusiasm for what we're doing. 88 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,080 I mean, that is that is brilliant. 89 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,880 Like when you realize, oh, like that's how I can do this. 90 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,000 And I mention this because so many of the people that I work 91 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,720 with really, genuinely care about doing a good job. 92 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,240 And they want their team to be happy and they want their boss 93 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:18,440 to be happy and they want people to, you know, feel good about 94 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,880 the work they're doing. You know, they want to feel like 95 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,600 they're doing a good job as a boss. 96 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:28,440 I I think, you know, nobody imagines that they want their 97 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:32,240 team, you know, to go home and complain to their spouse like, 98 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,920 Oh my boss today, nobody wants to be that boss. 99 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,200 We want to be the person who knows that when your team goes 100 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,960 home, they say, you know, today was pretty rough, but like my 101 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,440 manager gets me, my manager is fair. 102 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,520 I mean, I know I might not agree with them all the time, but you 103 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:53,400 know, I I feel supported and I'm still, I'm glad that I'm on 104 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,000 their team. You know, like that's that's 105 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,400 kind of what we're going for. And so realizing that you can be 106 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:05,120 direct, but in a way that doesn't mean you are discarding 107 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,160 the part of you that wants to be really compassionate, the part 108 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,680 that genuinely cares about people doing a good job and 109 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,240 feeling good about the job they're doing in the workplace. 110 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,520 Those two things can go together. 111 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,600 And I feel like what I witnessed this morning in the interaction 112 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:27,840 between this mom and her kid was such a great example of that. 113 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,480 The other reason I want to point that out as an example is I want 114 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,600 to encourage you to be on the lookout in the course of your 115 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,480 everyday life and your everyday experience so that you start to 116 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:45,280 see and recognize what that looks like and what that feels 117 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,560 like. And this is also valuable 118 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,200 because, you know, as humans, we actually very often can relax 119 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,000 and feel more at ease when we have a clear sense of direction, 120 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:03,600 when we trust that the direction we are receiving is actually 121 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,440 what we're supposed to be working on. 122 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,760 I'm thinking too of, Oh my goodness, sometimes this is so 123 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:14,000 hard if you are in a design or a creative field and you're 124 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,400 working with someone who doesn't yet speak the language of 125 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,320 artistic direction. And so they say, I want it, but 126 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,200 make it blue and fun. And so you say, OK, And then you 127 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,560 design something for them and you present it and they're like, 128 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,240 Nah, no, no, no. That's not what I mean. 129 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,440 I meant I meant like maybe like a little bit more green and fun, 130 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,720 but but like playful. Not like, loud fun, but like 131 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,919 playful fun. And there can be this 132 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:40,240 frustrating back and forth of trying to understand, like, what 133 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:44,039 is the direction you want. Because if I was clear about it, 134 00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:49,120 then I could relax knowing what I was supposed to be aiming for, 135 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:54,000 and we would be in alignment and connected and it would be a yes 136 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,640 and it would feel good. Like having clear direction 137 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:02,360 actually simplifies our life and makes things easier. 138 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:08,680 And so you can be directive, you can give direction, and you can 139 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,680 do it in a way that really increases trust. 140 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:17,440 That reduces anxiety. Like I want you to, I want to 141 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,600 invite you to think about it in that way. 142 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,520 Being direct, giving direction, being directive. 143 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,360 Now, this also requires a couple of things. 144 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:32,040 It requires thinking about what is the vision, what is the 145 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,480 direction I want people to go in. 146 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,840 You can think of directing people's actions. 147 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,920 What are the things or the behaviors I want them to be 148 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,320 doing? Like in the story I shared with 149 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,840 the mom and her daughter, you know her, the mom gave very 150 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:53,960 specific direction to where the daughter where the child should 151 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:58,040 be with her physical body. You know, use your physical body 152 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:02,880 to bring yourself over here, like very specific behavioral 153 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:07,360 direction. We can also give direction in 154 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:12,000 terms of attention. Where should people be focused? 155 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,800 What should they be paying attention to? 156 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,960 And sometimes we achieve this by being able to describe the big 157 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,480 picture. You know, here's the, you know, 158 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,320 the big direction that we're going. 159 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,040 These are the goals of our organization or or these are the 160 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,440 goals of our team. And so that's kind of the big 161 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,000 picture. That's the direction we're 162 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:37,000 going. And then today or this week or 163 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,320 this month, I would like you or even more directive like your 164 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,160 job will be to focus your attention and effort on this 165 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:52,000 piece of it, because this is necessary in order to help us 166 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:56,640 achieve this future goal. I have been baking a little bit 167 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,160 lately. It's been, you know, kind of 168 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,240 rainy in San Francisco. And so I've been baking. 169 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,600 And I was thinking about, you know, there's a a certain order 170 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,160 in which things need to happen in order to end up with these 171 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,960 beautiful cookies. And so it's kind of like, OK, we 172 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,640 want to make these beautiful cookies. 173 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,920 And in order to do that, you know, the directions are first 174 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:20,080 you need to brown the butter. Just focus on that part first. 175 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,760 Don't worry about the other stuff. 176 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,680 Just focus on that part first. Or even thinking about, we're 177 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,840 going to put the flour and the baking soda and the salt 178 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,880 together in this bowl, and we'll put the two sugars in this other 179 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:39,800 bowl and we'll have them ready so that when the butter is 180 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:45,120 browned and cooled, we will be prepared to then add and combine 181 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,920 these ingredients in this way. And in the workplace, it can be 182 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,760 really similar. We don't always see how our 183 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,320 individual work connects to the big picture. 184 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,440 And when we're not really clear about that, we can go into this 185 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,680 feeling of like, what's the point? 186 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,720 Does it really matter? This seems trivial. 187 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,120 This seems like busy work. This seems unimportant. 188 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:12,920 And the more we think of our work in that way, the less we 189 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,600 kind of, you know, take it seriously and the more we can 190 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,320 sort of sit back and feel quite unengaged and LAX about it. 191 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,480 And so if you're noticing that in your team or even in 192 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,920 yourself, if that's what it feels like, so for your team, 193 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,360 you want to be able to share with them, here's the direction 194 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,760 we're going in. And so here is the directive to 195 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,360 you, like this is what you'll be working on now, and here's why 196 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,640 it's important. Here's how it connects to the 197 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,880 big picture. If you are feeling like you are 198 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,280 the one who doesn't really understand and it feels like 199 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:51,840 busy work, you can ask directly to invite your manager to 200 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:57,200 clarify for you, it might simply be asking, OK, so I understand 201 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,840 you know you're giving me these directions to work on this thing 202 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:05,400 or to focus on this piece. Can you help me understand how 203 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,960 it fits into the big picture? I think there's something I'm 204 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,120 not seeing, or I think there's something I'm not understanding, 205 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,600 and it's helpful because sometimes it will illuminate. 206 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,720 There are kind of different layers at which things are 207 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,560 happening, which might could actually be a whole different 208 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,320 conversation that we have. And that's the one. 209 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,720 It's a lot easier to do in person, either with my 210 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,600 one-on-one coaching or in the group. 211 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:35,280 But I mention it because you might be assuming, OK, they're 212 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,000 giving me this direction because it's busy work, you know, 213 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,400 because it's not meaningful. But if you ask, help me 214 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,720 understand, like, how does this connect to the big picture? 215 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,040 Because I think I'm not seeing it. 216 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:52,120 You might realize, oh OK, this is actually going to set 217 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:56,520 something up for this other team then to be ready to go when this 218 00:13:56,520 --> 00:14:02,320 other dependency gets resolved. Like it just helps to have that 219 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,240 sense of connection and meaning so that when you receive 220 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:10,240 direction, you understand what is the big picture that we are 221 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,920 going to. So that's the direction piece. 222 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:19,920 Then we have decisions. And as a manager, as a leader, 223 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:24,680 one of the most important jobs you have is making decisions. 224 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,560 This can be tricky because when we're are an individual 225 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,760 contributor or when you're simply making decisions for 226 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,480 yourself and your own work, the skill and the mindset is a 227 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,720 little bit different. When you start making decisions 228 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:46,440 that affect others, that starts to be a little bit different. 229 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,360 So for example, you might think, well, if it was me, I would do 230 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,840 it in this way, and I like the way it's done and I think this 231 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,360 is the way it should be done. But when you're making decisions 232 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:01,800 about others, you want to be thinking about what is the 233 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,080 bigger picture here. So, for example, it might be 234 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,520 faster for you to do something. You have more experience, you're 235 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,360 more familiar with the tools or the relationship. 236 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:18,560 But the big picture is that you have someone new on your team, 237 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:25,640 and your work is to help grow them into the person who can 238 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,160 take on that additional responsibility. 239 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:34,760 That means deciding to delegate to them and letting them do 240 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:38,480 things maybe in a slightly different way, Maybe letting 241 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:43,520 them do things in their own way, or allowing them to do something 242 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,600 that you know they're going to go off course and maybe fail a 243 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,440 little bit. But the value in that is that 244 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,240 they will learn through their direct experience, and that can 245 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:59,600 be the fastest way to get someone on board is to give them 246 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,440 that trust the safety to fail. So no one's going to die. 247 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,280 Nothing's going to get burned to the ground. 248 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:10,320 But you know that in the process of trying something and then 249 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,920 having to course correct or self correct, you know that the 250 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,240 learning will be that much richer. 251 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,520 And if they're doing things a little bit in their own way, 252 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:25,080 there's the added benefit that they may do something in a way 253 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,440 you never would have thought of that is really, really good. 254 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,520 That is really helpful. And so there's that question of, 255 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:37,200 OK, what are the decisions you are making and why. 256 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,720 And one of the places I see people get tripped up here is 257 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:45,720 they try to not make decisions because they are afraid of 258 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:50,760 making mistakes. And so they'll over research, 259 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,320 they will stall. They will pull other people, 260 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,600 like instead of making decision, they'll you know, and instead of 261 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,840 making decision they'll ask 20 people and they'll get 20 262 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:05,400 opinions and 20 different advices and they could all work, 263 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,119 you know that it could all be valid. 264 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,680 But what ends up happening is it's like you haven't identified 265 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:15,760 what is your protocol or process for making a decision and you're 266 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,880 kind of hoping somebody else will do it for you. 267 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,880 This is one of those things that is so subtle and it can 268 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:26,000 sometimes mask itself as being considerate. 269 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,440 I want to be really considerate, so I'm going to ask 20 people. 270 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,240 And that can be so frustrating because part of your job, in 271 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:40,120 your role as a manager and as a leader, is to make decisions. 272 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:46,080 That brings clarity, that brings simplicity, not just for you but 273 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,760 for others. And so this brings us to the 274 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,920 third topic today, which is discomfort. 275 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,920 And it can be very uncomfortable to make decisions when you're 276 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,840 afraid. Ah, I might be wrong. 277 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,800 What if it goes badly? I don't have perfect 278 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,480 information. I don't have perfect resources. 279 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,400 You know, this happens. Also, I'm seeing this now in 280 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,440 hiring. There can be so much fear around 281 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,480 making a hiring decision rather than just deciding, you know 282 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,480 what? Like here are the main 283 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,520 indicators we're looking for and we'll train the rest. 284 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,400 We know this person doesn't have to have perfect experience 285 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,800 because there's no such thing. They don't need a perfect 286 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,520 background that doesn't really exist. 287 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,320 But there are certain, like we have a rubric of things that we 288 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,560 want to identify for and we understand and realize that this 289 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,120 is a relationship that will require some investment. 290 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,800 And like that's what we're actually here for. 291 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,960 That's what we're here to do. And then you make a decision and 292 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:47,600 you move on and go forward. But that discomfort, especially 293 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:52,800 when you are rising into a new level of responsibility, it now 294 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:57,000 can feel like a lot of pressure because it feels like, oh, all 295 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,960 these people are now looking to you. 296 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,600 You might assume you're supposed to have right answers. 297 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,120 You might feel a little insecure about, can I really do this? 298 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,040 Am I really the right person here? 299 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,720 Because I'm not sure. Does that somehow mean, like, 300 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,080 there's something bad about me being in this role rather than 301 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,760 realizing like, Yep, I'm in this role because part of my job is 302 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,880 to make decisions and there is some discomfort. 303 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,800 And I'm OK with that because I know the ground upon which I am 304 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,480 making these decisions. Kind of like in the episode last 305 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,120 week where I talked a bit about strategic failure. 306 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,520 It was that realization of, OK, I am not going to get all of 307 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:44,240 this done and I am deciding that that's actually fine. 308 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,440 Like, it's not that big a deal. I'm not going to beat myself up 309 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,400 about it. And so there was, you know, 310 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,640 initially the discomfort of the pressure of, oh, I haven't done 311 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,400 everything I said I would get done. 312 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,120 And then coming to that realization of, you know what, 313 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,880 we're going to make a decision then. 314 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,760 Because the nice thing when we do decisions from this place 315 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,200 where we feel grounded and we really trust what we choose and 316 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:12,000 why, that then allows us to unhook our energy from either 317 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,760 the scramble, the hustle. The overworking, the no 318 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,920 boundaries, and it allows us to pull all that energy back so we 319 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,600 can use it in a more useful way. It ends up giving you back more 320 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,680 time. It gives you more energy because 321 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,200 now you're moving forward. Part of the discomfort you might 322 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,760 also encounter when it comes to making decisions and being 323 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,800 directive is other people might have different opinions. 324 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,840 They might have different judgments about how they would 325 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,440 do it or how they think it should be done. 326 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:48,600 And so there may be the discomfort of allowing someone 327 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,920 to disagree with you. And I will tell you if you have 328 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,880 had a life experience where other people disagreeing with 329 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,240 you was actually really, really bad. 330 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:06,320 Like if you have developed this superpower of being able to, 331 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,360 like, turn into a chameleon and adapt yourself to the situation 332 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,680 in order to keep the peace. Like if that's the superpower 333 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,920 that you have cultivated throughout your life, then this 334 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,720 is going to be one of those edges where now it's time to 335 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:27,880 learn a new skill, now it's time to not over. 336 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:35,960 What's the word I'm looking for over rely on the skill of making 337 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,840 sure no one is uncomfortable. There is a willingness when we 338 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,280 start to kind of see the big picture where we realize, yeah, 339 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:49,120 this is going to be a little uncomfortable, and that's OK. 340 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,000 I actually feel really at peace with that, both in our own self. 341 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,000 Like, I'm gonna do this. It's going to be uncomfortable, 342 00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:01,280 but the, you know, the decision and the direction are spot on. 343 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,600 So I'm going to go ahead and do it. 344 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,200 I'm thinking also of a client who recently was spoke on a 345 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,680 panel and she was kind of nervous, you know, to be on 346 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,680 stage and, you know, she was, she was sharing her ideas as a 347 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,160 thought leader with some other really accomplished people. 348 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,520 So a little of her insecurity was starting to flare up. 349 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,960 So she knew, OK, it'll be a little uncomfortable. 350 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,960 But she also knew, oh, I definitely want to be on that 351 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,160 stage. I definitely want to be sharing 352 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,400 my thoughts. And that is in line with the 353 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,760 direction that she wanted for herself and her career. 354 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,520 So, you know, it's like, OK, like that kind of discomfort 355 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,280 sometimes we recognize and we embrace it. 356 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,280 We say, yeah, it's that's the discomfort of growth in this 357 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,480 situation. Sometimes the discomfort is the 358 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,160 willingness to let other people not get their way. 359 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,400 And I'm thinking of, you know, someone I worked with a few 360 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,640 years ago and she had this realization one day and she's 361 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,400 like, you know what? It is not my job to cater to 362 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,280 this person's ego. And they're going to be 363 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,960 uncomfortable with, you know, with when I speak up or when I, 364 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,120 you know, advocate for how I think things should go. 365 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,200 Or I'm going to say something that's going to be hard for them 366 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:19,240 to hear. And I am willing to let them 367 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:24,520 have that discomfort because it's based on a solid decision 368 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:31,320 and it fits with the direction that I am here to, like, guide 369 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,240 us towards. And so it was this really 370 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,800 interesting moment where instead of feeling so worried about, oh, 371 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,520 what if they feel bad? What if they feel disappointed? 372 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,120 You know, it's going to be so uncomfortable if they're 373 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,840 uncomfortable. Instead, it was kind of seeing 374 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,840 that bigger picture and realizing, yeah, that'll 375 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,480 probably happen, but it's OK Like it'll be OK We'll all get 376 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,960 through it, you know, I mean, we all reach that stage at a 377 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,120 different points in our career, in our life, and it just depends 378 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:04,720 on so many factors. But it's it's definitely a 379 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:09,240 marker that I see so many people go through, especially when you 380 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:14,560 genuinely care about others, you know, like also just to say 381 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,080 being a people pleaser in and of itself is not a bad thing. 382 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,320 I think it's great to want to please people. 383 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,920 It's great to want people to be happy. 384 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,240 We just don't want to use that as our guiding light as our 385 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,960 North Star. We want to understand that in 386 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,280 the big picture and we want to make sure that we're not 387 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:39,960 diminishing yourself in the process or holding back like we 388 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,640 want you to be life-size. We don't want you to be, you 389 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,840 know, smaller than you than you actually are. 390 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,520 We want to make sure that, you know, the decisions you're 391 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,520 making are in line with the direction that you're holding 392 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,480 and that you want to go. And again, you can do all of 393 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:59,160 this from a place that is grounded and supportive and 394 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:03,200 collaborative. And that is not about kind of 395 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,160 being domineering or controlling or cold. 396 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,200 Like, you can do this all in a way that that really works with 397 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,520 the humanness of yourself and with others. 398 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:21,520 So my invitation for you in the coming week is to give some 399 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,600 reflection to the question of direction, decisions and 400 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,440 discomfort. So what is the direction that 401 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,040 you're going? What is the direction you want 402 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,320 your team to go? Is there someone on your team 403 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,640 that you could see needs a little course correction? 404 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,360 Do you need to redirect their effort, their attention, their 405 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:45,520 energy? Like is there something 406 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:50,280 happening where maybe some more clear direction will help this 407 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,360 situation? Are there decisions that you 408 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:58,840 have been avoiding because they are uncomfortable or because you 409 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,480 just feel like you don't know what the right answer is? 410 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,160 I think we do that too when we are faced with uncertainty is 411 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,240 rather than kind of identify the discomfort of uncertainty, 412 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:14,920 instead we sort of delay and procrastinate and move away from 413 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,320 things, especially around decisions because they can feel 414 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,040 so, you know, like final. And we can sometimes get a 415 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,640 little bit nervous about that. So just notice, like are there 416 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,360 any direct or any decisions that you're avoiding? 417 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,600 Are there any decisions that actually come very easily and 418 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,160 clearly for you? And it might be in a different 419 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,680 situation. Sometimes we we understand 420 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,680 things through different experiences. 421 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,800 So if you feel like in the workplace right now, there's 422 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,800 some kind of decision that feels difficult to make or you feel 423 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,880 reluctant to make, also question, well, where in my life 424 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,560 do I feel like it's actually very easy to make decisions And 425 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,080 I don't put pressure on myself, I don't beat myself up about it. 426 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,840 I don't worry and stay up late. Like start noticing to better 427 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,960 understand yourself in terms of what factors come into play when 428 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,560 you are making decisions. And then lastly look to and 429 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:18,680 notice where is there discomfort and is there discomfort showing 430 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,800 up. That is a signal of your growth, 431 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,840 that awareness that, Oh yeah, this is uncomfortable, but when 432 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,920 I look at it in the context of my decisions and direction, it 433 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,520 makes sense and I'm going to move towards it anyways. 434 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:37,160 The more clarity we have about the specific discomfort, the 435 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,280 more we can navigate the uncertainty in a really 436 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:46,720 grounded, confident way. So that is what I wanted to 437 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,480 share with you today. If you are interested in working 438 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,440 with me, you can do that in two ways. 439 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,720 You can either work with me one-on-one, and that starts by 440 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,600 setting up a consult. That's a conversation we have. 441 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,960 So we get to know each other and I get to hear more about what 442 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,120 you're, you know, what challenges you're facing, what 443 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:08,040 your goals are. So we can talk about how you 444 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,320 know how together I can help you get there. 445 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:17,000 Or you can join my group program for new managers and that starts 446 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:22,240 the next round February 6th. So go to the website or use the 447 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:27,120 link below to apply to join us. Would love to have you all the 448 00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:31,520 details you'll find on the website itiskimnickel.com and go 449 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,880 to the new managers page for the group program for the one-on-one 450 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,600 console link. You'll see that right on the 451 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,720 main page. And thank you so much for 452 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,760 listening. I will talk to you next time. 453 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:48,160 Bye. When you're more effective at 454 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,080 work, you're happier in your life. 455 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,560 And when you're happier in your life, you're more effective at 456 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,280 work. I can help. 457 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,840 Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching 458 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,240 consult. It can get better.