Welcome to the new manager podcast.
I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well today in San
Francisco. It definitely feels like the
seasons have changed. The days are getting shorter and
cooler. I'm wearing warmer sweaters.
I'm wearing my fuzzy. Socks had to dig them out of the
door because I haven't worn those in a long time and I'm
feeling a bit more reflective as we Then to the end of the year.
And I know for some of my listeners and some of my
students and clients that are in the southern hemisphere.
So those of you in Australia, especially I know that my
clients there are celebrating and rejoicing that the days are
getting longer and warmer and they're having more Sunshine for
themselves. So, it's interesting to just
notice and pause during the course of the year and And
realize how the change in seasons can affect us both in
terms of our mood and how we feel in our physical bodies.
But also, when we think about what is happening in your
industry, it this time of year, maybe for you, this last quarter
of the Year becomes the really busy time, and you're getting
ready to ramp up for that last big push of the year but maybe
four One else, this starts to signal that end-of-year, wind
down when things start to wrap up and get a little bit quieter,
maybe you go into more of the reflection mode and planning for
the coming year every industry, and every organization is a
little bit different. And I find it's just helpful to
pause and take stock and ask. Where are we now in the year and
and what effect does that? Have on how How I approach my
work, and my life, and my relationships, both personal and
professional, they can all shift depending on what is happening
in the season that were in. I also wanted to open and share
with you a celebration client of mine, wrote to me.
And we, we work together for six months, but we finish our
coaching back in September. So almost six weeks ago now and
she To me because I tell my clients, when we finish our
coaching, we still know each other and I still want you to
let me know how it's going. And keep me posted on what's
happening with you. So this client wrote to me and
she said, I still can't get over how much my Outlook has changed
since we started working together.
I was headhunted for something that could be really wonderful.
The work itself is everything. I like there's still a lot to
learn So I'm having a great time with the process, but in
contrast to before, I'm not trying to force something or
think of it as an escape hatch. So my update today is to share
the realization. That another change is
happening. I'm becoming more selective in
what I go for because I'm so much more aware of what's out
there for me. I loved reading her message, you
know, it's interesting because with my clients, I only see you
once a week and it's for less than an hour, our sessions are
50 minutes. So I only see you once a week
for less than an hour. There's a lot more that happens
outside of that time. And it's so just, it makes me
feel so good to hear how my clients take that work and
really run with it, but Even after six weeks later to still
see the effect of the work that we did together and how it's
making a really positive contribution into her life and
then by extension into the industry that she's a part of.
So I love that wanted to share. So for today's episode because
I'm feeling cozy in my warm sweater and with my warm cup of
tea, I've been feeling reflective and I thought, okay,
it's time for us to talk about some reflection questions and
this is the perfect time of year for this, especially because
we're coming into the last quarter but it's also helpful to
think about because for many of us, our first experience of
questions happened when we were in our formal education.
And in that context when we were asked, Question, our job was to
give the correct answer and meet the expectation of the person
who is asking the question. So it was a very performative
question, it was like an examination kind of question.
Like let's examine what knowledge you have absorbed from
this class and a reflective question.
A reflection question Works differently because the purpose
of the Reflection question is not to give the right answer and
it is not to perform in a way that obtains approval or praise
from someone. The purpose of a reflection
question is to help you think a little bit differently, just by
shifting your attention so that you can gain something valuable
from your On Direct life experience and that's the kind
of information that you can't find in a book or in some other
intelligent person's brain. That kind of wisdom is the
wisdom that you have that you develop.
But if you don't look towards it, you might not see it.
You might completely overlooked This information and wisdom that
you have, which is a bummer because it's really good.
Like it's really valuable. So and here's what I mean by
that, I'm going to offer you five or six actually reflection
questions and just notice as I share these what comes up as you
hear them. And this is also, you know, a
good time if you are able to take notes, you will want to
write these Down and you can Journal them later or even I
mean this might be fun. So you're going to write down
these questions and you can then hand them to someone you trust
and say hey can you ask me these questions?
And then I'll talk through my answer because sometimes
speaking an answer through your physical body just gives you
different information than if you write it out silently.
Because the process of speaking something out loud can really
give you that feeling information.
If you are really spot-on, telling the truth, if you're
feeling a little squirmy about something, if you are, you know,
sometimes you say something out loud and it just doesn't feel
quite right. And then you say something else
and you think yes this is exactly what I was trying to
say. So the process of saying the
thing out loud gives you this added layer of insight
Information that you might not get if you just write it
silently by yourself. So this is one idea that of what
you can use these questions for write them down, give them to a
partner, you know? Or, I don't know, you could even
give them to your, like, teenage kid.
Could be a very interesting exercise and say, hey can you
ask me these questions and then I will answer them.
You can also then offer. Hey you know want to know want
to play a game. I'm going to ask you these five
or six reflection questions. And then you can answer them and
it's a way of kind of getting to know each other in a different
way. So there you go.
That could be a fun kind of relationship building, and
really kind of connective practice to do with somebody
that you care about. So here are the questions and
they're sort of organized in terms of past looking present,
looking and future looking. So, it starts with question
number one, When you reflect on the year, what are you most
proud of? When you reflect on the year
that you've just had, right? The last 1012 months, when you
reflect on the year, what are you most proud of Question
number two. When you look back on the year,
what has been your greatest learning?
And this can mean learning about yourself.
Like, what have you learned about yourself in the last year?
This could be learning about, you know, a situation like what
have you learned but what has been your greatest learning in
the past year? now, as you think of the coming
year, what do you want to leave behind?
Or what do you want to let go of?
And this was actually a question that I asked one of my clients
she thought about it and then I could see her just relax and she
said I want to let go of second-guessing myself all the
time. Wow, I thought that was such a
great answer. So consider for yourself as the
new think about the coming year. What would you like to leave
behind or let go of? It could be a habit, a
relationship. It could be like my client said
you might want to let go of second-guessing yourself all the
time. Might want to let go of some of
that self-doubt. But consider, what do you want
to leave behind her? Let go of and then, as you think
about the year to come, what would you like more of And this
is a fun question because you can think of it in terms of your
professional life. Maybe what is the type of work
that you want more of or perhaps in the workplace may be what you
want? More of is a specific kind of
support but you can also think of it in terms of your personal
life. What do you want?
More of maybe what you'd like is a little bit more time and space
to do now? Non-work things may be what
you'd like is a little bit more unstructured time where you
don't feel so planned out or maybe what you want.
Like more of is to have like specific kind of time with a
specific person in your life. Maybe it's something around
relationships. So that's a fun question.
What would you like more of as you think forward?
And then, okay, as you think about the coming year, where is
your growth? I love this question because it
really can change. This is actually a great
question to ask, you know, a couple times a year and also to
remind yourself because sometimes your growth is in
being more active and engaged and the doing, you know, it
might be. Oh I need to have the courage to
speak up more in board meetings or I want to have the confidence
to do this hard thing. And really Tackle it that growth
might be around action taking but sometimes your growth might
be in doing less, perhaps your growth is in more rest and less
doing maybe your growth is in communicating your boundaries.
And in order to do that first, you have to realize that you are
allowed to have boundaries Maybe your growth is in not putting
everyone first and neglecting your own well-being.
Maybe your growth is pausing to check in with yourself first and
then making decisions about how to engage with others.
Maybe that will require you to learn the skill of Delegation,
and to become more. So asking that question, where
is your growth in the coming year?
And as you look forward because we always have a growth Edge but
it's not always the same year to year or season to season.
So taking the time to pause reflect take stock and consider.
As you think about the coming year, where is your growth?
And then my last question that I want to offer you, what have you
been avoiding? This is a great question.
Especially if you're a person who tends to be over scheduled
and you feel very busy because in that over scheduling and in
that busyness, it also can act like a smoke screen that lets us
avoid uncomfortable. Things.
It might be that we're avoiding having a difficult conversation
with somebody. It might be that were avoiding
taking time to slow down because if I slow down, then I would
have to really face and feel some uncomfortable feelings.
Maybe the thing were avoiding is something that seems really
scary and so we just keep putting it off and putting it
off. But what's interesting about
being avoidant about something? You know, number one this is a
very human quality so don't use avoidance as a reason to feel
bad about yourself instead use it as a signal to illuminate.
Something true about what you're experiencing right now.
And the great thing to with avoidance is it takes energy.
It takes energy to avoid something and so we want to be
aware of what am I avoiding? Because even though we are not
engaged with the thing, right? Like we are avoiding it but
we're still feeding energy towards it because that's what
avoidance requires. Even if it's something like
there's a piece of mail on your desk and you haven't opened it
because it, you know, you just Look at it and you think I don't
want to open that I'm not ready to deal with that even that
level of avoidance, it takes energy and so you want to know
for yourself where are your avoidance spots?
And you know what does that mean?
Like what are you avoiding and why do you want to continue to
avoid that? Or what would happen if you
decided to address it? It and kind of move towards it
intentionally, right? And this is to where it's
helpful to distinguish between being an avoidance versus being
in like a strategic timeline. Where you've decided?
Okay, here's this thing that needs my attention.
I am deciding that I'm going to allocate this amount of time for
it on this future date. And so it's avoidance, but it's
intentional. It's like an intentional
placement in the timeline, and I'm going to place it there for
these reasons. Then it's kind of part of, of
the plan part of the approach. So when you look at what you've
been avoiding, it might be what you've been avoiding this entire
year. It might be longer than that.
Maybe it's the thing. You thought.
Oh, I don't have to learn how to speak up.
I'm getting by just fine. Keep in my head down.
And just making my way through and then you realize okay I
think it's really time now that this skill that's been
uncomfortable for me, it really is time now to address that and
really get to work on that so consider what you've been
avoiding and then have some compassion for yourself.
Offer yourself a lot of Grace but see what information you can
find about yourself in the avoidance.
And so these are the Kinds of questions.
As I mentioned before, these are reflection questions, so it's
not like there's a right answer and you're not looking to, you
know, perform or earn praise or approval from it from anybody.
They really are questions that can help you to look a little
differently at yourself and your life so that you can gain some
valuable and real personal Insight that can then help you
make decisions about what you're doing next and these kinds of
reflection questions are also, you can think of them like a
tool that will prevent you from getting stuck in a habit or a
pattern because a lot of times the reason we get stuck in the
habit or the pattern is simply because they are familiar and it
can just continue onwards because we're not reflecting on
what am I choosing and why and really where's my growth and why
we just get caught in this pattern of The repetitive doing.
And so use these questions to shine a little more light
towards your own self, how you're thinking about your life
and your work. As we come towards the end of
the year and you begin to consider, you know, where have I
been what just happened? And where am I going?
And how do I want to get there? As I move towards the end of the
year and prepare to step into the year to come?
So, that's what I wanted to offer to you.
Today, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for listening, and if
you want to work with me, I do work with clients, one-on-one,
for 6 months, and the first place to start, is to book a
consultation. So we can talk go into the show
notes. You'll find a link to my
calendar and I look forward to chatting with, you, see you next
time. Bye.
Hey, boo. Before you go, if you like this
podcast, please leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what
has helped you? Thanks so much.
I'll see you next time.