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Welcome to the new Manager 
podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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One of the things I think about 
a lot is what does it mean to be

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human? 
Because as a manager, so much of

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your job is about the 
relationships between the humans

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that you work with. 
That comes into everything 

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around delegation, around 
collaboration, communication, 

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the way that we manage 
stakeholders in an organization,

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the way that we deliver service 
to clients and external 

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stakeholder holders outside of 
the organization. 

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And so when we remember that 
underneath the job title and 

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underneath, you know, the 
education and all of the 

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experience at the heart of it, 
we are humans and we have 

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emotions and we have different 
ideas about how things should be

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done. 
And we have different priorities

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and we have different things 
that motivate us. 

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We have different things that we
care about in any given moment 

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in our personal life, in our 
professional life. 

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I think when we remember the 
human part, it can make it 

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easier to then make decisions 
when you're navigating the 

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leadership part and the manager 
part and the gosh, we're facing 

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a new kind of challenge that we 
had an anticipated part or we're

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facing a challenge that we had 
anticipated. 

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And you know how like there are 
still surprises that, you know, 

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we had not fully accounted for. 
Like whatever it's going to 

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happen in the course of your 
work experience that you'll 

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experience change, you'll 
experience opportunities that 

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feel scary. 
You'll experience a change that 

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you didn't want that feels 
scary. 

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All of it happens. 
And all of it also occurs 

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between people. 
The relationships that happen 

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between people are human 
relationships, which is why when

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I'm creating this podcast for 
you, I'm really cognizant that 

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the the mess messaging and the 
tools I want to share with you 

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are very industry agnostic. 
It's interesting because I live 

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in San Francisco, so sometimes 
people assume that most of the 

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people I work with are in the 
tech industry and it is not 

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true. 
The thing that my clients and my

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students tend to have most in 
common is never their industry, 

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but it's more of this 
perspective of wanting to do 

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well, not always knowing exactly
how to do that, and very often 

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having to create for themselves.
What is the vision of leader 

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that they want to be and how 
will they do that in their 

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specific context? 
Like if you care deeply and if 

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you consider yourself to be a 
kind person, then there will be 

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times when it can feel hard to 
know like what is the kind 

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response? 
How can I be kind and also 

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really hold my team responsible?
Or how can I be kind and also 

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still practice accountability? 
How can I be compassionate with 

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people and also directive and 
clear about expectations or 

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about, you know, conveying 
information that might land in a

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very disappointing way? 
All of this requires a level of 

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skill and nuance. 
And very often we don't even 

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realize what is required as you 
step into this leadership role 

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until you're actually there. 
And I don't think that's a bad 

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thing. 
I think that's just a normal 

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human thing. 
You know, kind of like you can 

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have all the ideas about what it
will be like to have a kid, and 

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when you actually have that 
child, things might be very, 

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very different. 
Or you can understand something 

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intellectually, but the lived 
physical reality of it might hit

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a little bit differently. 
So all of this to say that, you 

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know, when we come back to that 
human part, I find it can be 

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very grounding and very 
clarifying and help us to 

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organize all of the other 
thoughts that might feel 

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overwhelming. 
And so today for our episode, I 

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wanted to share with you a 
mindfulness practice that I 

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created years ago when I was 
teaching mindfulness to a group 

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of nuclear engineers, which is 
another kind of weird story, But

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you know, sometimes you end up 
in really interesting 

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situations. 
And I was working with these 

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engineers and, you know, the way
I found to teach this, that 

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really helped it make sense and 
bring it from something 

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intellectual to something that 
was more like, oh, I get this is

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what I want to walk you through.
And there are a couple of 

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reasons for that. 
One is we're moving into the end

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of the year. 
And so that means that there's 

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probably also a lot of other 
personal stuff happening in your

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life around holidays, maybe 
travel. 

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There might also just be 
challenges as the weather is 

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changing. 
I know for me in San Francisco, 

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it's starting to get darker now 
and I know that that affects my 

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mood. 
I have some clients that I work 

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with and they are very affected 
by the weather. 

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It's just harder to have energy 
and to, you know, like want to 

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do anything other than just stay
home and be cozy. 

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And so when you are facing the 
end of the year and all of the 

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different changes that are 
happening professionally, 

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personally, in your inner 
environment, in your external 

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environment, this is a practice 
that I have found to be very 

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simple and very helpful for 
getting back to a centered, 

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grounded, calm place. 
Because then it becomes easier 

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to face whatever you need to 
face and to make decisions, 

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whatever those decisions need to
be. 

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Have you noticed it's actually 
very difficult to make decisions

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when we're anxious and moving 
really fast and, you know, not 

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sure what we're doing. 
So we would start second 

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guessing ourselves. 
But when we come to this place 

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where we can just take a breath,
take a step back and just kind 

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of organize the thoughts so we 
don't feel so overwhelmed by 

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them, it helps. 
So here's how this works. 

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And if you can, if you are at 
home or if you are, you know, at

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work, as long as you're not 
driving, maybe don't do this 

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while you're driving, but 
consider getting a small piece 

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of paper and a pen, something to
write with. 

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And it can be small. 
It can be the back of an 

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envelope. 
It could be a post it note, it 

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could be an index card, piece of
junk mail, whatever, some small 

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piece of paper that you have 
nearby. 

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And on that piece of paper, on 
one side, draw a heart. 

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It can be anywhere on that 
paper. 

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Draw a heart any size, and then 
flip it over and draw a star. 

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OK, great. 
And then flip it back over. 

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So now you're looking at the 
heart side of your paper and on 

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your heart side, I want you to 
think about maybe three things 

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that are not going your way, 
three things that are 

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challenging, three things that 
are difficult. 

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And they can be anything. 
They can be, you know, something

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cut, you know, relatively 
trivial, like, you know, it's 

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getting cold and you don't like 
that. 

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Or it can be something really 
big, it could be something very 

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personal to you, or it can be 
something that you're just 

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noticing in the world or in your
organization. 

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But three things on the heart 
side that are difficult, that 

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are challenging, that are not 
going your way. 

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Just write three things. 
And when you're done with that, 

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flip the paper over. 
And now you're looking at the 

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star side. 
And on the star side of your 

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paper, write down three things 
that are going well, three 

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things that are going your way. 
And they can be trivial or they 

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can be big, they can be 
personal, they could be global. 

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It can be something in your 
home, in your organization, in 

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the wider world. 
It's up to you. 

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But choose three things that are
going well. 

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And then you put your pen down 
when you finished writing your 3

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and you hold your paper in your 
hand, and you look at the star 

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side. 
And then you turn it over and 

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you look at the heart side. 
And as you hold this paper in 

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your hand, I want you to realize
that in this moment and in every

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moment of your life, there will 
always be things that are 

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challenging and there will 
always be things that are going 

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your way. 
There will always be both. 

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And this idea of mindfulness 
means that we are able to hold 

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the truth that both are 
happening. 

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We are able to look at the 
things that are hard and also we

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can look at the things that are 
going well. 

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We're not collapsing into 
despair, and we're also not kind

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of clinging and blindly looking 
at the things that are going 

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well and saying like, ah, no, 
no, like not looking at that, 

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right? 
Like we're able to hold both. 

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And it requires this measure of,
in my estimation, it requires a 

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measure of willingness, like a 
kind of courage of heartfulness.

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It requires a measure of 
tenderness. 

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Like this is the human 
experience that we will 

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encounter both throughout the 
course of our life. 

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And sometimes they are expected 
and sometimes they are 

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surprises. 
And the goal is not to exert 

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control over everything. 
The goal is to be present for 

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it. 
And when we do, it allows us to 

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unhook a little bit from the 
mind spiral that can get spun up

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around how I wish things were 
different, how things used to be

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and I wish they were the same. 
The way I'm afraid things might 

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go in the future, The way I hope
things might go in the future. 

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It allows us to stop having 
conversations with the past and 

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trying to over exert exacting 
control over the future. 

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And just in this moment, can you
arrive in this present moment 

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and be with something that you 
are noticing is true for you. 

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I think of mindfulness as a 
quality of attention. 

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And yes, it is useful to plan. 
And yes, it is useful to review 

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and debrief. 
And from time to time, we want 

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to let go of both of those to 
just arrive into this moment 

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with your attention right here. 
And we put the challenges on the

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heart side. 
Because when you are a human 

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facing a challenge, that is when
we want to bring some 

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compassion, some care and love 
and kindness to the part of you 

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that is feeling the struggle. 
And we put the things that are 

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going well on the star side 
because we want to remember that

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there are always these bright 
points. 

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There is always a little 
glimmer, there's always 

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something we can look to that 
can help to illuminate the path.

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And when we do this, it can help
us to feel a little bit more of 

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that groundedness, that relief, 
that sense of OK, I don't need 

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to solve everything all in this 
moment. 

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Can I reorient, take things one 
moment at a time, just by 

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starting, by being present right
here. 

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And what's really nice is that 
when you begin to practice this 

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for yourself, from time to time,
simply pause and ask, OK, what's

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on my heart side? 
What are the challenges? 

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Yes. 
OK. 

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And what's on my star side? 
What are those glimmers when we 

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start to do that for ourselves? 
You can also then bring that 

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same concept into conversation 
and relationship with other 

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humans in your life, both those 
in your personal life as well as

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those in your professional life.
And that might sound like in a 

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one-on-one or just saying, you 
know, hello to somebody. 

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How are you doing? 
What's good in your world today?

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How are you doing? 
What's you know, what's been 

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hard? 
Has anything been heavy that you

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know you want to just 
acknowledge? 

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The thing that makes this so 
magical is that when we're 

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looking at these, we're not 
trying to solve for anything. 

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We can do that later, but just 
for this moment, let me step 

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back, take a breath, gather my 
attention into this present 

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moment. 
It gives us that space to then 

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choose how do I want to respond 
in this moment? 

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And that, in my belief, is what 
makes us more effective managers

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and more more useful leaders 
when we take that moment so that

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we're not being completely 
reactive and overwhelmed. 

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But we are willing to slow down,
take a breath just for a bit, 

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gather the attention right here,
and then say, OK, what's 

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happening, what's next? 
What are my options? 

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If, by the way, you are feeling 
like you're currently leading 

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your team through something 
that's really hard, I encourage 

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you to go back to episode 172. 
That one published on June 3rd, 

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2024. 
And in that episode I talked at 

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length about leading A-Team 
through hard times. 

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So go back and listen to that if
that will be helpful for you. 

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And if you want even more 
support, there are two options, 

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two ways to work with me. 
You can talk to me about 

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one-on-one Coaching and go to my
website, kimnickel.com for that 

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and reach out. 
We'll schedule some time or sign

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up for my upcoming course on 
communication strategies for 

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managers. 
We talk about different 

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communication strategies for 
different situations that you're

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going to face in the course of 
your work life so that you feel 

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more equipped and a bit more 
confident about how you're going

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to have those conversations, 
those communication moments with

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people. 
The next class starts in January

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2025. 
And again, you can find out 

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about that on my website, 
kimnickel.com or go into the 

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show notes and learn. 
You'll see the link to where 

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that registration page is with 
all the information. 

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Because we are coming into the 
end of the year, this can be a 

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great time to ask if your work 
will sponsor you, Meaning your 

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work might be willing to pay for
you to take that class. 

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Especially if we're near the end
of the year and they might say, 

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you know, we need need to spend 
this budget. 

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We have professional development
dollars that we didn't use. 

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We can use them now or your 
manager might say, you know 

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what, I can use money from this 
for their budget and I can 

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absolutely direct those to 
reimburse you or to cover the 

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cost of you taking that class. 
This is such a great time of 

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year to make those asks. 
Also, if you're having 

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performance review 
conversations, this can be part 

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of you advocating for yourself 
and your professional 

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development. 
So let your work help you by 

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asking them for what you want. 
So that is what I wanted to 

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share with you today. 
I am thinking of you. 

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If you have topics that you want
me to address in the future, 

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leave a comment in Spotify. 
You can leave comments on 

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podcast episodes, which is 
pretty cool. 

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And if you like this episode, if
you like this podcast, if it has

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helped you, please leave a 
rating or a review. 

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So that's what I've got for you 
today. 

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Thank you so much for listening.
Have a great week and I will 

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talk to you next time. 
When you're more effective at 

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work, you're happier in your 
life, and when you're happier in

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your life, you're more effective
at work. 

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I can help. 
Go to my website, kimnickel.com 

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and sign up for a coaching 
consult. 

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It can get better.