Welcome to the New Manager Podcast.
I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome.
I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
Today. I have two announcements and one
teaching. The first announcement is that I
will be at Transform. In 2024, it's a conference all
about the workplace, about work culture, about work
transformation, about, you know, like people driven leadership.
All of these conversations are going to be happening at
Transform in March in 2024 in Las Vegas.
And I will be there and I'm kind of excited and I'm thinking
about hosting a meet up or something because it'd be really
fun to. Have an opportunity to meet you
and some of my listeners. So if you are planning your 2024
conference schedule and you want to have more conversations about
work and leadership and managing people, that is something to put
on your radar and I plan to be there.
And so maybe we could have a conversation in person.
I don't know. It could be cool.
I know it's still. Maybe 8 months away, but this is
where we are now. We are in July and we are
planning already into the next year.
I will put a link in the show notes so you can learn more
about that conference. And remember your manager might
support you in going to this because it is related to work
and thinking about how to work better and how to support the
work, the workplace and and your team and all of this so.
There's that. That's announcement #1.
Announcement #2 is that I am planning my next group program
to start and it will be either late August or early September.
I'm still trying to get all the dates set, but if you want to be
sure to know when the details for that program will be
released, then be sure that you are on my mailing list because
that is where I send out the details first.
And I'll put a link in the show notes to that.
So now that the announcements are out of the way, my teaching
for you today is this one phrase walk me through.
And this came up because I sometimes have conversations
with my clients and they will tell me I do not know what this
person is doing at work. I cannot figure out why are they
not doing what they're supposed to be doing or they're doing
this but they're doing it wrong or.
I am telling them what they need to do and they say I get it, I
understand. But nothing changes.
So anytime you find yourself in this moment where your internal
voice is saying, what the heck is happening, like why did you
do that? Oh, that is, that is not the
right thing. Anytime you're there, this
phrase will really help. What you want to say is oh, so
walk me through your process. Or walk me through your
thinking. Or walk me through you know how
like like walk me through what happened, how did we get here?
And what makes this effective is that you want to understand how
this person is thinking, what their decision making process
was, what some of the assumptions perhaps they made or
maybe where the gaps in their knowledge are.
Because that will help you get to the real heart of of the
issue when you don't understand kind of why something is
happening. Ask the person to walk you
through the way they're thinking, their process.
And the real key to this is we want to approach it from a place
of I think of it as a generosity of spirit, because if we're
coming at someone with a lot of frustration and judgment.
Then the words that we say are also going to feel frustrated
and judgy, and that often creates, you know, pressure and
anxiety. And then sometimes the person
will shut down. And none of that is actually
helpful. So this is part of being mindful
of your own emotional regulation.
Your own interior becomes really important.
Because it can get either either get in the way or it can start
to open doors, create more trust and invite the person to open up
and be more direct and honest about, you know, how they're
thinking or what their process was.
It can actually become very collaborative.
And it can feel like okay, like I'm on your side, I'm here to
help, walk me through, you know, where are you at.
This is also really helpful when you want to take a coaching
mindset to someone who comes to you asking for help.
And this is something you will want to be aware of and to
assess, you know, kind of depending on the person,
sometimes you will just give them an answer if they come with
a question. But there will be other times
when your job as the manager is to help develop their thinking
so that they can then become independent problem solvers.
And the way that we do that is we ask them when they come with
a problem, you ask them okay, walk me through where you're at
now, or walk me through the process that got you here so I
can then understand what to you, know what to what direction to
give you. And this becomes really helpful
because you never want to be the one person with all the answers.
That makes you the bottleneck. That makes people very dependent
on you and ultimately becomes very limiting, both for you and
for your team. So there's always going to be a
little bit of a balance, meaning there's always going to be a
little bit of a flow. Sometimes if someone comes with
a question, you will give the answer straight away and they'll
say thank you and they'll get on with it.
But there will be other situations where you'll think
OKI need to help this person develop their thought process or
I need to help this person, you know, I need to.
We need to figure out where the gaps are in their knowledge or
their assumptions or their mindset so that we can then
course correct and then they'll be able to operate and function
more autonomously and with more independence.
So that's one of the things I wanted to offer to think about
the other thing that. This calls to mind and why it
can be helpful is remember when you're a manager, you are now in
a position of power, meaning you have the, you know, ability to
make decisions that affect this person's work life, workload,
maybe even their livelihood. And that is a a real significant
relationship, right? Like there's now this power
dynamic in play and because of that.
Some folks will want to people please you.
Meaning, if you ask them do you need any help, they'll say Nope,
I've got it, everything's under control.
And maybe that's not entirely true, but they don't want you to
think that they're struggling or that they can't do the job or
they'll want to be really, you know, trying to like, manage how
you think of them. And again, this isn't true of
everyone, but this is sometimes a dynamic that's in play.
And often the reason I know this is because, you know, you might
be the one who normally does that to your manager.
You're the one who has those same thoughts of I don't want
them to doubt me. I want to seem really competent
and capable. I don't want, you know, I don't
want to ask for help. But what happens then when you
become a manager and now you're in this position of power, is
sometimes we forget, Oh my gosh, my.
The people on my team who are reporting to me, they are now
doing that to me and so now I'm not getting accurate information
about how they're doing and so I'm not able to help.
The other way I have, I have experienced this is when you
have a plan and you give direction and you say any
questions, people say Nope, got it.
And they don't got it or they think they get it, but we're
actually not on the same page. It's kind of like, you know,
hey, let's have lunch. And they're like, great, but
nobody actually decides, you know, what time are we going to
have lunch? What are we going to eat?
Are you bringing food or am I bringing food or are we going
out? Or you're having it catered?
Like we're in agreement? Kind of.
But a lot of the details are very fuzzy.
And so when you ask the question, okay, so walk me
through, you know what's going to happen next, You're now
asking them to verbalize, to put out of their outside of their
head and into the space that you can hear it.
What are their next steps? What is their process?
How are they hearing it? And the one thing I want to also
just name and be mindful of is because we all process a little
bit differently, we all communicate a little bit
differently. Some folks can get a little
frozen and feel on the spot. So also just be aware and
mindful of how effective this is.
Like remember a couple of episodes ago I talked about
effective feedback. What is the effect you want to
have? Same with communication, How do
you know if your your communication is effective?
Well, what is the effect that you are hoping your
communication will have? And then based on what happens,
you can start to discern Okay this is effective with this
person. I might need to adjust my style
or be a bit more flexible when I'm speaking with this person
because this is effective for them in a way that this person
is not. So just, you know, keep this
phrase in your pocket. Walk me through.
You can use it in so many situations.
You can also use it if you're talking with your manager and
you want a little bit more clarity or you just want to make
sure you're you're on the same page.
And you can use this phrase either by asking your manager
okay, wait, can you walk me through again?
You know, like how how these things all connect?
Or can you walk me through again, what is the what is the
plan that we're implementing now?
I just want to make sure I've got it.
You can ask them to walk you through, or you can say to your
manager, OK, wait, let me walk you through the way I'm thinking
about this. And that signals to them to
listen for any gaps or anything that you've missed.
And it lets you articulate in your own mind and in your own
words to make sure that you're on the same page while you're
still. In that conversation together.
So it can be a really helpful phrase.
Walk me through. It slows things down.
It creates space for more clarity.
It can create a feeling of connection and support.
And if you have a person who always seems to say, yes, I got
it, and then they just, they do the opposite or things don't
change, you can come back with, OK, so walk me through what's
going on, because last time we talked.
You know, you said this, but now I'm noticing that this is
happening and they're not the same.
So walk, walk me through about the discrepancy, help me
understand. And it is one of those phrases
that is is really small, but it's like a key is small, it's
really small. It can fit in your pocket.
It doesn't doesn't weigh a lot, but when you use it, it can
really unlock and expand. Possibility and clarity and
trust and connection. It's a very, very useful phrase.
So that is the teaching that I wanted to offer to you today.
If you want to work with me one-on-one, then book time on my
calendar and let's talk about it.
There's a link in the show notes, and that is what I've got
for you today. Thanks so much for listening.
I'll talk to you next time. Hey, before you go, if you like
this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what
has helped you. Thanks so much.
I'll see you next time.