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Welcome to the New Manager 
Podcast. 

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I'm your host, Kim Nichol. 
Hello and welcome. 

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I'm glad you're here and I hope 
you're doing well. 

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Today. 
I have two announcements and one

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teaching. 
The first announcement is that I

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will be at Transform. 
In 2024, it's a conference all 

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about the workplace, about work 
culture, about work 

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transformation, about, you know,
like people driven leadership. 

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All of these conversations are 
going to be happening at 

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Transform in March in 2024 in 
Las Vegas. 

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And I will be there and I'm kind
of excited and I'm thinking 

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about hosting a meet up or 
something because it'd be really

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fun to. 
Have an opportunity to meet you 

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and some of my listeners. 
So if you are planning your 2024

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conference schedule and you want
to have more conversations about

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work and leadership and managing
people, that is something to put

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on your radar and I plan to be 
there. 

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And so maybe we could have a 
conversation in person. 

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I don't know. 
It could be cool. 

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I know it's still. 
Maybe 8 months away, but this is

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where we are now. 
We are in July and we are 

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planning already into the next 
year. 

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I will put a link in the show 
notes so you can learn more 

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about that conference. 
And remember your manager might 

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support you in going to this 
because it is related to work 

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and thinking about how to work 
better and how to support the 

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work, the workplace and and your
team and all of this so. 

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There's that. 
That's announcement #1. 

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Announcement #2 is that I am 
planning my next group program 

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to start and it will be either 
late August or early September. 

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I'm still trying to get all the 
dates set, but if you want to be

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sure to know when the details 
for that program will be 

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released, then be sure that you 
are on my mailing list because 

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that is where I send out the 
details first. 

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And I'll put a link in the show 
notes to that. 

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So now that the announcements 
are out of the way, my teaching 

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for you today is this one phrase
walk me through. 

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And this came up because I 
sometimes have conversations 

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with my clients and they will 
tell me I do not know what this 

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person is doing at work. 
I cannot figure out why are they

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not doing what they're supposed 
to be doing or they're doing 

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this but they're doing it wrong 
or. 

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I am telling them what they need
to do and they say I get it, I 

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understand. 
But nothing changes. 

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So anytime you find yourself in 
this moment where your internal 

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voice is saying, what the heck 
is happening, like why did you 

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do that? 
Oh, that is, that is not the 

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right thing. 
Anytime you're there, this 

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phrase will really help. 
What you want to say is oh, so 

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walk me through your process. 
Or walk me through your 

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thinking. 
Or walk me through you know how 

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like like walk me through what 
happened, how did we get here? 

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And what makes this effective is
that you want to understand how 

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this person is thinking, what 
their decision making process 

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was, what some of the 
assumptions perhaps they made or

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maybe where the gaps in their 
knowledge are. 

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Because that will help you get 
to the real heart of of the 

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issue when you don't understand 
kind of why something is 

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happening. 
Ask the person to walk you 

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through the way they're 
thinking, their process. 

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And the real key to this is we 
want to approach it from a place

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of I think of it as a generosity
of spirit, because if we're 

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coming at someone with a lot of 
frustration and judgment. 

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Then the words that we say are 
also going to feel frustrated 

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and judgy, and that often 
creates, you know, pressure and 

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anxiety. 
And then sometimes the person 

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will shut down. 
And none of that is actually 

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helpful. 
So this is part of being mindful

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of your own emotional 
regulation. 

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Your own interior becomes really
important. 

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Because it can get either either
get in the way or it can start 

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to open doors, create more trust
and invite the person to open up

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and be more direct and honest 
about, you know, how they're 

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thinking or what their process 
was. 

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It can actually become very 
collaborative. 

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And it can feel like okay, like 
I'm on your side, I'm here to 

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help, walk me through, you know,
where are you at. 

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This is also really helpful when
you want to take a coaching 

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mindset to someone who comes to 
you asking for help. 

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And this is something you will 
want to be aware of and to 

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assess, you know, kind of 
depending on the person, 

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sometimes you will just give 
them an answer if they come with

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a question. 
But there will be other times 

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when your job as the manager is 
to help develop their thinking 

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so that they can then become 
independent problem solvers. 

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And the way that we do that is 
we ask them when they come with 

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a problem, you ask them okay, 
walk me through where you're at 

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now, or walk me through the 
process that got you here so I 

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can then understand what to you,
know what to what direction to 

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give you. 
And this becomes really helpful 

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because you never want to be the
one person with all the answers.

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That makes you the bottleneck. 
That makes people very dependent

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on you and ultimately becomes 
very limiting, both for you and 

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for your team. 
So there's always going to be a 

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little bit of a balance, meaning
there's always going to be a 

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little bit of a flow. 
Sometimes if someone comes with 

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a question, you will give the 
answer straight away and they'll

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say thank you and they'll get on
with it. 

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But there will be other 
situations where you'll think 

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OKI need to help this person 
develop their thought process or

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I need to help this person, you 
know, I need to. 

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We need to figure out where the 
gaps are in their knowledge or 

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their assumptions or their 
mindset so that we can then 

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course correct and then they'll 
be able to operate and function 

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more autonomously and with more 
independence. 

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So that's one of the things I 
wanted to offer to think about 

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the other thing that. 
This calls to mind and why it 

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can be helpful is remember when 
you're a manager, you are now in

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a position of power, meaning you
have the, you know, ability to 

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make decisions that affect this 
person's work life, workload, 

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maybe even their livelihood. 
And that is a a real significant

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relationship, right? 
Like there's now this power 

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dynamic in play and because of 
that. 

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Some folks will want to people 
please you. 

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Meaning, if you ask them do you 
need any help, they'll say Nope,

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I've got it, everything's under 
control. 

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And maybe that's not entirely 
true, but they don't want you to

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think that they're struggling or
that they can't do the job or 

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they'll want to be really, you 
know, trying to like, manage how

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you think of them. 
And again, this isn't true of 

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everyone, but this is sometimes 
a dynamic that's in play. 

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And often the reason I know this
is because, you know, you might 

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be the one who normally does 
that to your manager. 

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You're the one who has those 
same thoughts of I don't want 

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them to doubt me. 
I want to seem really competent 

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and capable. 
I don't want, you know, I don't 

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want to ask for help. 
But what happens then when you 

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become a manager and now you're 
in this position of power, is 

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sometimes we forget, Oh my gosh,
my. 

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The people on my team who are 
reporting to me, they are now 

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doing that to me and so now I'm 
not getting accurate information

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about how they're doing and so 
I'm not able to help. 

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The other way I have, I have 
experienced this is when you 

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have a plan and you give 
direction and you say any 

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questions, people say Nope, got 
it. 

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And they don't got it or they 
think they get it, but we're 

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actually not on the same page. 
It's kind of like, you know, 

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hey, let's have lunch. 
And they're like, great, but 

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nobody actually decides, you 
know, what time are we going to 

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have lunch? 
What are we going to eat? 

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Are you bringing food or am I 
bringing food or are we going 

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out? 
Or you're having it catered? 

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Like we're in agreement? 
Kind of. 

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But a lot of the details are 
very fuzzy. 

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And so when you ask the 
question, okay, so walk me 

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through, you know what's going 
to happen next, You're now 

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asking them to verbalize, to put
out of their outside of their 

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head and into the space that you
can hear it. 

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What are their next steps? 
What is their process? 

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How are they hearing it? 
And the one thing I want to also

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just name and be mindful of is 
because we all process a little 

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bit differently, we all 
communicate a little bit 

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differently. 
Some folks can get a little 

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frozen and feel on the spot. 
So also just be aware and 

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mindful of how effective this 
is. 

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Like remember a couple of 
episodes ago I talked about 

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effective feedback. 
What is the effect you want to 

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have? 
Same with communication, How do 

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you know if your your 
communication is effective? 

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Well, what is the effect that 
you are hoping your 

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communication will have? 
And then based on what happens, 

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you can start to discern Okay 
this is effective with this 

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person. 
I might need to adjust my style 

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or be a bit more flexible when 
I'm speaking with this person 

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because this is effective for 
them in a way that this person 

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is not. 
So just, you know, keep this 

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phrase in your pocket. 
Walk me through. 

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You can use it in so many 
situations. 

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You can also use it if you're 
talking with your manager and 

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you want a little bit more 
clarity or you just want to make

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sure you're you're on the same 
page. 

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And you can use this phrase 
either by asking your manager 

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okay, wait, can you walk me 
through again? 

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You know, like how how these 
things all connect? 

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Or can you walk me through 
again, what is the what is the 

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plan that we're implementing 
now? 

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I just want to make sure I've 
got it. 

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You can ask them to walk you 
through, or you can say to your 

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manager, OK, wait, let me walk 
you through the way I'm thinking

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about this. 
And that signals to them to 

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listen for any gaps or anything 
that you've missed. 

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And it lets you articulate in 
your own mind and in your own 

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words to make sure that you're 
on the same page while you're 

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still. 
In that conversation together. 

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So it can be a really helpful 
phrase. 

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Walk me through. 
It slows things down. 

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It creates space for more 
clarity. 

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It can create a feeling of 
connection and support. 

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And if you have a person who 
always seems to say, yes, I got 

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it, and then they just, they do 
the opposite or things don't 

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change, you can come back with, 
OK, so walk me through what's 

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going on, because last time we 
talked. 

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You know, you said this, but now
I'm noticing that this is 

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happening and they're not the 
same. 

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So walk, walk me through about 
the discrepancy, help me 

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understand. 
And it is one of those phrases 

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that is is really small, but 
it's like a key is small, it's 

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really small. 
It can fit in your pocket. 

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It doesn't doesn't weigh a lot, 
but when you use it, it can 

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really unlock and expand. 
Possibility and clarity and 

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trust and connection. 
It's a very, very useful phrase.

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So that is the teaching that I 
wanted to offer to you today. 

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If you want to work with me 
one-on-one, then book time on my

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calendar and let's talk about 
it. 

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There's a link in the show 
notes, and that is what I've got

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for you today. 
Thanks so much for listening. 

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I'll talk to you next time. 
Hey, before you go, if you like 

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this podcast, leave a review. 
Tell me why you listen and what 

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has helped you. 
Thanks so much. 

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I'll see you next time.